Journalist Katherine Goldstein’s migration from New York’s media mothership inspired her to launch an unconventional podcast about working moms from her basement in North Carolina.
A punk rocker aspiring to be a Rabbi, a thirty-something mother of three on the campaign trail, and Nevada brothel workers parlaying earnings into nursing school are among the first episodes of “The Double Shift.”
“I think one of the problems with journalism and resources is if you only talk to the people you know, you’re going to have a pretty limited conversation,” she says. “This show is breaking out of that.”
In fact, Katherine and her bi-coastal team intentionally seek out women outside of big cities who don’t have PR people.
“Nydia Sanchez, who runs a 24-hour daycare, she’s committing her whole life to serving mostly single mothers who need childcare and don’t have a ton of money to pay for it,” says Katherine.
“She’s not trying to get a bunch of attention and credit for all the great work she’s doing–she’s trying to run a business–but she does it with a kind of compassion that you don’t see enough for a group that doesn’t get talked about a lot.”
Listening to these intimate, previously untold stories of working motherhood summons feelings similar to watching “60 Minutes” or listening to NPR.
“The reason I decided I wanted to do it as a podcast is that I really want to create community and movement around changing the way people think about things, and bringing new perspectives in a more in-depth way,” says Katherine.
“I think there’s only so far you can go with someone who just reads an article and likes it on Facebook and moves on.”
We also talked about how podcasts are more amenable to multi-tasking moms who can tune in while commuting or taking care of kids, and discover a connection to women in other walks of life.
“I feel like I want to create a much longer and larger and more substantial conversation about changing how society sees working mothers and how we see ourselves,” she says.
How this Mama Made it Work
Moving from New York to North Carolina provided Katherine with the financial means, family support and mental energy to build a podcast from scratch.
“I joke that since I no longer have to fight the transit authority in New York, I can spend all my energy fighting the patriarchy,” she says.
“I have so many more resources because everyday life is not stressful,” she says, noting the benefit of having grandparents nearby so she can go on date nights and connect with her partner — with whom she credits for helping make “The Double Shift” possible.
“I’ve always known that I’ve had an amazingly supportive partner; but, when you’re taking a big swing in your life, it’s not just having someone in your life that says ‘yeah, good job,’ but who’s like willing to readjust their life too.”
In addition to changing location and lifestyles, the two swapped parenting shifts, trading morning and evenings with their 3.5 year old, so Katherine can take advantage of productive hours in her homegrown studio.
She goes full steam on the podcast until 5 p.m. when she goes to pick up her son at school and uses the drive there and back, and dinner as a family, to unwind.
Women Helping Women Succeed
Katherine originally started exploring working motherhood as a journalist after struggling through health complications during her son’s first year.
“It was a very stressful time and I lost my job when he was 6 months old,” she says. “I had been a very hard-charging, high-achieving professional, and it led me to really feel like a failure.”
“I was very convinced that everyone had this working mom thing figured out, except for me and I was just personally defective.”
Once she discovered that no one had it figured out, and that many mothers internalized personal blame like she had, Katherine became emboldened to investigate family dynamics, the workplace and public policy.
“As I started to look at it through a journalistic lens, I really felt like there’s a lot of content about parenting but there’s not much about our independent identities as working mothers,” says Katherine.
“We are our own people with our own needs and ambitions and abilities to do amazing things in the world, and that’s just not being addressed in a lot of conversations.”
“There are so many ways that working mothers are revolutionary in their own lives and that’s one of the big things I’ve taken away from this show,” says Katherine.
“Probably none of the women I interviewed would ever claim the label ‘revolutionary,’ but what I think is so inspiring about them is the way they’re addressing their own challenges and the challenges of the things they see around them in new ways.”
Marlene Mejia Weiss longed for a place where she could talk to other women who were also figuring out their next career move after staying home with young kids.
“While I had an amazing time being at home, and don’t regret that, it has been quite the journey back trying to rebuild what I had before,” she says.
Marlene had previously worked in sports marketing in New York City, where she forged licensing partnerships for Major League Baseball.
When her family was transplanted to Seattle, she tried her hand at consulting for small businesses in the neighborhood, but found herself wanting more.
“Freelancing life is a bit lonely,” she says. “I’m more of a collaborative person.”
Fortuitously, Marlene found parents who were trying to get a non-profit women’s business incubator off the ground. She became a founding board member for The Inc., where she helped shape the mission, goals and even the physical space–which included co-working and part-time preschool.
“I loved that I was helping to solve a problem that I myself faced,” she says. “I know that feeling, of feeling isolated, and not knowing exactly who to connect with, where to go career-wise, or even parenting.”
It Takes a Village
The Inc. attracted mostly part-timers, consultants, students or “anyone who could work remotely and was in charge of their own schedule.”
Plus, Marlene says full-time working parents often showed up when nannies or daycare fell through.
“Which made you realize, gosh, childcare is such a big issue for so many parents, no matter what type of work or schedule,” she says.
When I asked Marlene about the complexities of setting up a preschool from scratch, she pointed out what made it possible.
“The four hour mark is the big differentiator,” she says.
Plus, they applied what Marlene describes as the “IKEA rule,” meaning parents had to stay close if there kids weren’t potty-trained.
“We were set up to have some time for parents to work on their own while still being nearby their children,” she says. “A lot of parents just need those 2-4 hours.”
“Nap time was actually our biggest competitor,” she says.
“By 12:30 or 1:00, you could feel and hear when the energy changes.”
As parents themselves, the founders brought perspectives from a variety of childcare experiences to inform their approach.
“We were focused on making sure the care was quality care,” Marlene says. “So it’s making sure the curriculum was what was needed for the kids, that the teachers were caring, nurturing people and had the right credentials.”
For the parents, it was designed to be much more than a space to pop open their laptop while their kids are cared for.
“We have a lot of small business owners just starting up, like really in the early stages,” says Marlene.
“They have this idea. They’ve incubated it for some time. They needed the confidence and the feedback to try it out, and this was really a safe space for them to do it.”
She says lots of members reached out to the community to do a workshop, or a lecture, or offer different things.
“That was the heart of it all,” she says. “It was really about the parents and what we could do to help them during this time.”
Women Helping Women Succeed
Marlene spent 2.5 years at The Inc., both as a community cultivator and executive director, all the while “trying to do it as a mom, building up yet another thing.”
With everything in good hands, she decided it was time to start thinking about her next chapter.
“My season of life has changed, and my boys are older now, and I felt like I was in a place for a new challenge,” says Marlene.
“I felt like it was in a really good place to kind of go on without me, as it should,” she says. “And it’s a non-profit, so it’s not my thing to own.”
“Just seeing it continue to help parents is really, really satisfying to me.”
Marlene says that while her experiences with The Inc. have served as a springboard for other opportunities, she’s taking time to figure out what those next steps are.
“I’m still trying to stay in touch with members of the community, because I helped to cultivate it,” she says. “I don’t want to lose touch with those relationships.”
In the meantime, she’s volunteering at her boys’ school, where her youngest started kindergarten.
“I was a little nervous for the transition but he did great.”
On the subject of transitions, Marlene and I talked about the blur of life with babies and toddlers, compared to the age of her boys now.
“It’s a little bit of a weird feeling because you come out of this crazy experience and you’re like ‘oh, that was actually really fun.’ They’re not little anymore,” she says. “It just happens and then it’s gone.”
Figuring out what’s next, professionally, has many parallels.
“I just love that creative energy in the beginning,” she says. “Not really knowing where it could go to, and when it does, it’s really awesome to see it blossom like that. Getting people really excited and energetic about it is really great too.”
“I think I just like building stuff,” she says. “I guess the Lego building of my boys really does come from me!”
Marlene encourages other moms to tap into the desire to create that comes with motherhood.
“I think a lot of moms–there’s just this inner voice–you want to do stuff but you just feel like you can’t do it,” she says. “We’re really good at making excuses.”
“It doesn’t have to be this one, big giant, enormous, great thing,” she says. “Just take the little steps because you’ll get there. But you gotta take the little steps.”
Ashley Bernardi’s career took a couple of Goldilocks-style turns before she landed on something just right. Her story is punctuated by broadcast-worthy soundbites, which she honed after spending a decade as a network TV producer.
“I was traveling the world producing breaking news stories and I had a baby at home,” she says.
While covering events like Virginia Tech, presidential elections, and renewable energy, Ashley began to feel the tug of working motherhood.
So she traded in her passport for a 90-minute commute in the Washington, D.C. region. While Ashley loved her pivot to PR, she couldn’t help but do the math, recounting “that’s three hours I could spend with my family.”
“I am missing out on the most precious moments of my daughter’s life,” she remembers feeling at the time.
When Ashley’s second daughter was born, an “entrepreneurial fire lit inside,” and she began to dream up a way to fully integrate her career and family life.
Taking inspiration from her own mother’s journey as a “mompreneur” behind a successful dance company, Ashley took the plunge with the help of mentorship and resources from the Small Business Administration.
“I launched my company literally in my daughters’ playroom in my basement,” she says.
“Here I am four years later and loving it.”
Today, Ashley runs Nardi Media, a media relations and publicity business, with a fully remote staff, so she can be present for her three daughters.
“I want to be the first person they see when they get off the bus,” she says, describing how important it is that her daughters see her–and only her–at 3:30 p.m. every day.
While starting a company isn’t the only way to go remote, it’s what has allowed Ashley the most flexibility to meet this goal.
Women Helping Women Succeed
“My life is really fun and I wouldn’t say balanced or the same any day,” says Ashley. “It’s all integrated: my work and my play and my children.”
She’s a big advocate for anyone looking to do the same thing–whether it’s her employees or clients she works with.
“It’s no coincidence or mistake that the majority of authors that do come to me are focused on–my interests–parenting, supporting women at work, supporting women at home, health, wellness, science and business.”
Ashley shared lessons from her journey to get to a harmonious place for her career and her family. They’re as relevant for entrepreneurs as they are for anyone looking to continue building their career remotely.
Her first tip? Timing is everything.
“I wish I hadn’t waited so long but everything in my world that has happened has been the right timing,” says Ashley.
Surround yourself with the right people, including experts and “a team that can help support you and grow with you.”
“I don’t have my MBA, I didn’t go to business school but I knew I needed people who knew what they were doing,” she says.
Finally, don’t forget self-care.
“As a mom and business owner, I learned the hard way that one of the most important things I need to take care of is my health,” she says.
Whether you’re building a business or you’re on conference calls from sunrise to sunset, it’s easy to blur the lines working from home.
“I didn’t realize the serious health implications it has when you don’t take care of yourself,” says Ashley.
“But it’s so true when they say put your oxygen mask on first.”
“Everybody looks at first 6 weeks postpartum, and everyone focuses on postpartum depression,” she says.
“You’re a mother for life. It doesn’t stop after 6 weeks.”
For those of us with babies not yet sleeping through the night, Ashley says there’s no need to panic.
“Moms have this magical ability to condense the sleep cycle,” she says. “Especially in the first 3 months, you are made to wake up multiple times during the night.”
“Let’s say your baby wakes up at the same times every night, and it’s a lot. Your sleep cycles will shrink so that they will fit into that amount of time.”
When the fog of frequent nighttime wakings extends beyond the end of maternity leave, it can leave us feeling much less in sync.
“You’re right that you can’t go on like that forever, because babies are supposed to grow out of that,” says Ashley. “If they don’t, that’s when you need to get help.”
I mentioned how I was “spoiled” with my first born, who slept through the night by 4 months old. But now I’m 8-months-deep into the second time around, and I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since May. Apparently I’m not the only one.
“It’s not uncommon for second kids to be harder, because they’re often carted around for their older siblings’ schedule,” Ashley points out.
And then there’s the added obstacle of keeping one sibling asleep while the other is awake–which can feel especially challenging when you’re running on fumes.
“Let’s say you’re older kid doesn’t know and runs in and and wakes up the baby and you lose it,” Ashley says, describing that moment of rage many of us know all too well.
“Basically when you’re sleep-deprived and stressed, your interactions with your children and spouse are going to be more short and negative,” she says.
Ashley says early research suggests maternal sleep deprivation impacts all family dynamics–meaning divorce rates increase, children don’t hit milestones as quickly and they start having trouble in school.
“You have to eventually put your foot down and say ‘I’m going to do what it takes,’ she says.
How This Mompreneur Makes it Work
Ashley reached her own limits as a new mom, so she learned to apply techniques from her private practice to her own daily routine.
“My career is brain work,” she says. “I’m pretty big on doing that first thing in the morning.”
Ashley says anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes of brain work can “give me so much recharge it’s like having a babysitter for 8 hours.”
(I can imagine, as I find myself choosing a workout, hot shower or solo Starbucks run over a cat nap to get a much-needed mental break and energy boost.)
“I’ll do the woo-woo meditation stuff; plus the very medically respected, scientifically proven cognitive behavioral therapy; plus some deep restructuring brain work,” she says.
“I just do kind of a mix because I feel like all of them have their own advantages and you can’t get as much benefit with just one.”
Not surprisingly, Ashley is “not someone that ever, ever skips breakfast.”
She also checks her “old-fashioned, handwritten calendar” to see what events are coming up that day.
Next, she walks her older daughter to school as “part of our bonding time” and often extends school drop-off into a stroller run by the water with her youngest.
The remainder of her weekdays are spent juggling her sleep practice and coaching fellow mompreneurs, along with after-school ballet and swim lessons.
Women Helping Women Succeed
“Women should not feel that they need coffee or wine to get through the day, and there should be other options readily available when you go to your doctor,” Ashley says.
Instead of piling on to the jokes about intravenous caffeine drips and wine o’clock, she’s determined to help the medical community better understand maternal sleep deprivation.
“It shouldn’t be laughed off as ‘oh hey welcome to being a parent, it sucks, it’s hard, get used to it’ because these are real medical conditions,” says Ashley.
“What’s really kind of scary is that there is not very much research on all of this,” she says. “Nobody knows the full extent of the impact of all of this stuff 20 years down the road.”
This is why Ashley carves out time for writing papers on maternal sleep deprivation on the weekends, while her daughters are playing.
Her goal for the sleep-deprived among us is to “reverse it, no matter how bad it is,” and ultimately to “get into this good place where you’re feeling good and everything that you’re putting out into the world has good energy behind it.”
San Francisco-based Ingrid & Isabel makes super soft and flattering maternity wear (in fact, I’m still wearing the mama-led brand’s cowl neck sweaters well beyond my basketball-belly pregnancy). It’s evident that founder Ingrid Carney knows what matters to busy mamas: this Maternity Nursing Wrap Cardigan ($88) does double duty and is machine washable.
What’s cuter than a baby adorned in an animal-ear hoodie? LIVLY makes this Unisex Hooded Cardigan with Bunny Ears ($58) and other dreamy baby clothes out of Stockholm. The brand was created when founder Lisa Carrol had premature twins whose delicate skin called for the softest cotton she could find, ultimately leading her to Peru for its signature Pima.
Speaking of Pima, Kissy Kissy has been in the baby business since 1996, when its Peruvian-born founder, Roxana Castillo, sought out the softest pajamas possible for her grandson. The brand is widely celebrated for its jammies, like this Unisex Moon-Print Footie ($36) — and donates clothing and fabric to six women and children’s charities.
Based in Utah, Freshly Picked was started by Shark Tank alum Susan Petersen, known for setting the baby moccasin world on fire. Working mamas can be interchangeably office- and weekend-ready with this Faux Leather Diaper Bag ($175).
Newly minted CMO Linh Ho has been through numerous acquisitions in her career. However, it’s the skills that she acquired while becoming a working mom that have helped prepare her for this new chapter.
“It is all hands on deck every day in a start-up,” she says.
Linh cites “directness” as a skill she learned from having kids–and from her kids–which she finds to be equally useful on a start-up timeline and budget.
“They’ll tell it like it is, there’s no sugar coating, no filter,” she says. “At the same time, as a mom you have to be direct and assertive with your children when it comes to their safety or establishing a routine. In the start-up world it’s like that too.”
Linh says this kind of unfiltered exchange leads to mutual growth. For example, she recently spent time with her data science team which is “full of ideas” and has a “ton of energy.”
“They’re doing super cool things, so I’m learning from them as well–and equally as a mom, I’m learning from my kids. They’re so raw and I find start-up environments are raw too.”
How She Makes it Work
“In a start-up you’re on the clock,” says Linh. “And the investors are watching.”
This isn’t so different from Linh’s daily routine. Most days, she’s responsible for getting the kids up and out the door in the mornings, even if it’s after a 5 a.m. conference call or two.
Her husband picks up the kids and makes dinner, and then does a handoff back to Linh for bath and bedtime–except when one of them is traveling.
“Evenings are packed and by 9 p.m. I’m exhausted,” she says, noting that some nights she has to turn her laptop back on if there’s a deadline. She typically gets 4-6 hours sleep.
Her weekend mornings are her “yoga time” or kickboxing.
“It’s my hour or hour and a half on both days, and I don’t give that up very easily,” she says. “My husband can attest to that.”
Women Helping Women Succeed
Linh supports the female entrepreneur community, both as a founder herself, and a mentor to other women through platforms such as the Female Founders Alliance, started in Seattle by Leslie Feinzaig.
“Leslie is basically trying to help other female founders get a leg up where traditionally it’s been a little bit harder for women to get in on funding from the venture capital world,” she says.
Linh extends this coaching and support to her personal life too.
“I would always tell my friends, ‘dream big,’ and I take that from my late father,” she says.
“He came over here as an immigrant with nothing; he was a dreamer and he just went after it. He just gave it a shot no matter what happens.”
Linh’s fearlessness and determination was evident throughout the six years she and I worked together, while both starting our families.
“There’s no limits when it comes to dreaming,” says Linh, about recently encouraging a friend to stop longing for her dream vacation to Portugal, but instead buy a property there. They’d do the research and visualize what it would be like.
“And then if you really want it, then work backwards from it and try.”
Once again, Linh’s outlook is dually relevant to entrepreneurship and parenting.
“You’ve got to give it a shot,” she says. “You’ve got to try and see what happens. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, you learn so much from trying and it helps make you stronger.”
This holiday wishlist is inspired by five women who overcame the highs and lows of “mompreneurship” all the way to the shelves of NORDSTROM (and beyond). From 80s designer Eileen Fisher to millennial mogul Kristin Cavallari, they span decades of building brands while raising children.
These Uncommon James Strawberry Fields Jasper Tassel Earrings come in three (very Cavallari) neutrals for $52:
2. Eileen Fisher came of age as a designer in the 1980s, forging new paths in fashion and working motherhood. She reflected on the constant pull of both worlds in her How I Built This podcast interview.
At just under $100, this Eileen Fisher Check Plaid Organic Linen Top is 50% off and emblematic of how the brand has evolved while staying true to its origins:
This Kendra Scott Birthstone Pendant Necklace is $37.50 and might be just the thing for this emerald-seeking mama to add to my collection.
4. Orthopedic surgeon turned footwear designer Taryn Rose recaps her journey from idea to multiple buyouts, and the toll it took on her relationships (which you can listen to here). While she’s spent the last 7 years reinvesting time with her kids and focusing on her health, her brand has returned to its core mission of making women feel better about supportive footwear.
The Taryn Rose Graziella Ankle Strap Pump is currently 40% off (about $255), a significant markdown from its original price of $425.
5. Rebecca Minkoff was just featured on the GirlBoss Radio podcast talking about her big break when Jenna Elfman wore one of her original pieces on The Tonight Show. Fast forward to 2018, and Rebecca is now a mother of three and just started the Female Founder Collective to support other women entrepreneurs.
At first blush, you’d never guess this piece de resistance is a diaper bag. The Rebecca Minkoff Logan Studded Nylon Baby Tote is $325.
‘Twas the night before work, when all through the house, all the creatures were stirring — even a mouse!
The laundry wasn’t hung because I opted for self-care, in hopes that the weekend soon would be here
The children were nestled all snug in our bed, while visions of Paw Patrol danced in their heads
And mama with my breast pump, hoping to fill a bottle to its cap, wishing I could settle down for a long winter’s nap…
While I haven’t slept a full night since May, the gift ideas below are some of my saving graces–whether it’s a hot cup of lactation tea that actually tastes good, or a 1-minute shower facial before bed.
(Note: The links below are affiliated with products and brands I personally use and love. By shopping on the sites they’re linked to, you can support mompreneur- and women-owned businesses, and help keep Best for the Moment story-first and clutter-free.)
1. This Moba moses basket doubles as an infant “play” space while I brush my teeth or squeeze in a shower within eyesight. I love it because it’s made of medical-grade rubber polymer and both the surface and breathable cotton liner are washable.
2. Now that I’ve made it to the shower–a feat in itself–it’s time to scrub my tired looking skin with Belli Fresh Start Pre-Treatment Scrub. At just under $25, it’s safe enough for pregnancy and smells delightful too. Plus, peppermint is known to help “wake up” your senses–which can’t hurt when coffee isn’t cutting it.
3. My face is now primed and ready to “glow” even if I’m not as hydrated as I’d like to be. My super-dry and sensitive skin does so much better with oil than the greasy moisturizer I used to swear by, all thanks to OSEA Essential Hydrating Oil.
I first heard about the mompreneur-led brand from The Box of Style and recently upgraded to a full-size bottle from Bloomingdales.com for under $75.
4. Lash extensions are my tired mama’s secret weapon. So treat yourself or a fellow sleep-deprived mom to a meticulously applied lash session, which doubles as a nap. What under-eye circles?!
5. To top off my low-maintenance beauty routine, I love 100% Pure, a woman-owned, Bay Area-based beauty brand that has gone to great lengths to use only the purest fruits, vegetables and other foods in its locally made products. (More peace of mind for pregnant and nursing mamas.)
8. Whether a nap, night out, or nursing session comes next, Rachel Zoe–mompreneur stylist to the stars–makes me feel glamorous while doing so. Each Box of Style seasonal shipment comes with loungewear, baubles, beauty products, handbags and other accessories. She frequently supports women-owned businesses too.
Each seasonal box contains $400 worth of items for just under $100, and you can get $15 off a new subscription using code WINTER15AFF here.
7. If all else fails, a hot cup of tea that smells as good as it tastes is a good way to squeeze in some self-care, while “priming the pump” as it were. Before I discovered Pink Stork and it’s inspiring Mama Maker Amy Upchurch, drinking mother’s tea felt more like gulping down unsavory herbal medicine.
9. When I’ve got my hands full with my kiddos and want to listen to said Audible books, Pandora, or if I need help restocking an item from the pantry, Amazon Alexa comes to my rescue. The newer Echo is just under $100, but I’m still happily using my 1st generation Echo, which you can get for just under $60Certified Refurbished.
10. Some of my most peaceful moments happen when both boys are strapped into their chairs at the kitchen table with me. (#realtalk) I didn’t think this would be possible with a baby until I found the Bloom Fresco Contemporary Baby High Chair, which transitions from a reclined position for infants, all the way up to 8 years old. At $550, it averages out to less than $70 per year — and the freedom for tired mamas is priceless.
Speaking of blooming, we’ve really enjoyed filling out the Bloom Universal Snug newborn insert in a few short months!
Military wives are warriors in their own right, and Amy Upchurch takes this to a whole new level. When she was 21 weeks pregnant, Amy’s doctor told her that she and her baby had 24 hours to live.
Amy had contracted a blood infection from a “picc” line while being hospitalized for hyperemesis gravidarum (HG)–extreme nausea, vomiting and other symptoms that can lead to severe dehydration and weight loss.
Fortunately, within 24 hours she had made a “complete turnaround” along with little John Hamilton who was later born premature, but healthy nonetheless.
Amy’s pregnancy was a miracle in itself.
“I had always been told I was not going to be able to have kids growing up,” says Amy. “It was a big surprise when I found out I was pregnant” just three weeks after marrying her Marine Corps husband and settling into Virginia.
Three “HG” ridden pregnancies later, when Amy found out she was pregnant with her fourth child, she threw up her hands.
“Out of desperation, I really started researching and working with doctors and midwives, and came up with this protocol to combat this HG that was going to come and hit me like a train,” says Amy.
“I ended up having an amazing fourth pregnancy with all this information that I had gathered, and implemented in my body,” says Amy.
“No more emergency room visits or ambulance rides.”
It’s no surprise that military wives rallied around Pink Stork at its inception. Amy says they’re not only advanced problem solvers, but also “really strong women, really smart women and really resourceful women” and they excel at forming a connection with their community, more so than the “civilian world.”
Looking back Amy says, “it was always helping other people–that’s still what I enjoy so much today–that’s what makes everything full circle.”
She recalls a note from one customer who had a double-digit number of miscarriages before finally delivering a healthy baby.
“My heart goes out to them,” says Amy. “That’s why I do what I do.”
Helping other moms is both personal and spiritual, for Amy.
“I clearly remember laying in the hospital beds and doing nothing for months,” she says. “Minutes seemed like hours. I just remember thinking, why in the world am I laying here? Why am I so sick? How come I can’t have a normal pregnancy? Why is God putting me through all this pain?”
“I look back now and I understand exactly why I was laying there and exactly why I went through those struggles,” Amy says. “I feel very blessed to be able to go through those challenges and have those questions answered.”
She’s on a mission to continue finding answers for moms and solving problems for “this stage of life.”
“Pink Stork is going to take their hand and walk them all the way through until they get the answers and results they want,” says Amy.
“I love to see what people are looking for, what moms think, what moms need,” she says. “If any of our customers are looking for something we don’t have, let me know. We can help you, and if we can’t help you, we’ll point you in the direction of someone who can.”
How this Mompreneur Makes it Work
Running a business is truly a family affair, in Amy’s eyes. Her husband, who was deployed during some of her most difficult moments in pregnancy, now plays an active role in growing Pink Stork.
“He’s very much a part of the business,” says Amy. “He’s very supportive of helping other families because he knows what it’s like to see your partner suffer and to feel helpless.”
“I like to think of Pink Stork as not only my family but also all of our employees,” she says. “It’s a family, it really is.”
Amy wants her employees to know that she takes pride in being a woman-owned company, and that she understands and celebrates working moms.
“We have babies that come into our office everyday,” beams Amy. “You can give a mom sitting in front of me, with a baby laying next her, seven different jobs and she will complete every single one of them just like the next person.”
“I get energized from a good challenge,” says Amy, about becoming an entrepeneur. “I knew nothing; I didn’t go to school for business. I Googled a lot of words. I sat in a lot of meetings and phone calls and learned from osmosis. I’m still learning from osmosis.”
“I would hate for someone to have looked at me when I was starting Pink Stork and had four little kids running around–which I did–and say, ‘You’re crazy.'”
“When you find something that you believe in, and you want to go for it, I encourage anyone and everyone to believe in themselves and just go for it,” says Amy. “Don’t be afraid of what other people think.”
“Keep doing your thing. Don’t worry about it. It will all fall into place.”
Carly was the first of a blitz of pregnancies among me and six of my colleagues this year. Mind you she was on her third baby, while the rest of us were on our second or first.
So it’s especially impressive how Carly has managed to divvy up household responsibilities with her husband, while raising a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old and a new baby.
“Mornings are me,” says Carly. “I’m fully on deck.” (As a teacher, her husband leaves for work at 6:45 a.m.)
Often that means feeding the baby while “trying to keep the boys from killing each other,” she says. “That hour is pretty manic.”
She takes a 20-minute walk to school with her oldest for “special Carter time” after the nanny arrives, unless she has an early meeting.
Carly’s in back to back meetings starting at 10 a.m. until 5 p.m. She typically arrives home to her husband making dinner, in the first of several clever partnerships.
“I do all the planning, and figuring out what we’re going to eat,” she says. “He does the execution: the grocery shopping, and the actual cooking of the meals.”
They use a whiteboard in the kitchen that, as long as her 2-year-old doesn’t erase it, features the week’s menu.
“There are no elaborate meals,” she says. “We still eat healthy.”
Recently, Carly had an “eye opening” moment when she ask her husband if there was anything she could be doing to help. In return, he asked if she could set the table.
In her mind, it was a simple task that had big impact.
“I think that’s where silent resentment can build up,” says Carly, noting what happens when couples don’t check in with each other.
The open lines of communication extend to her whole family. During dinner, they sit together at the table and talk about one thing that went well during their day, one thing they learned, or one thing that frustrated them.
“After dinner we switch who cleans up vs. who does baths,” she says, enlisting roshambo when needed.
“We usually tag team storytime,” she says, unless she’s feeding the baby.
After the last toddler standing finally goes to sleep, Carly’s very full day can finally start to wind down. (This non-stop marathon is one of the realities of parenting that no one is truly prepared for, in my opinion.)
How This Mama Makes it Work
Transitions can put a lot of pressure on relationships, so Carly and her husband have put safeguards in place.
“Going from one to two, you’re going from ‘one person can have a break,’ to man-on-man, and now we’re on full-zone defense,” says Carly. “No one’s free.”
“One thing that has really worked for us is that we’re just both in it, together,” she says. “We know that there’s not really a break.”
So they carve out “alone time” for each other. He takes the kids grocery shopping on the weekends, and she picks one night per week to attend a networking event or happy hour.
Since her husband runs a summer sports camp, Carly makes sure to set expectations around other times of the year when she gets a break for some good old-fashioned self-care.
“Over-communicating that stuff is key,” she says, both literally and figuratively. An iPad in the kitchen is dedicated to their family calendar and Google reminders.
Dedicating one-on-one time for each kid is an ongoing challenge.
“I haven’t done as much of that as I would like to,” says Carly, as we compared stories of our toddlers (hers 2, mine 3) struggling from not getting as much attention as they’re used to when another baby enters the picture.
Women Helping Women Succeed
The topic of household division of labor is the subject of endless articles, books and mom groups on Facebook.
In fact, when Carly posted this photo of her husband holding her baby girl with one hand while running the Dyson with the other, it got 349 likes and 81 comments. She reflected in this Medium post on how this wouldn’t be as big of a deal if a mom was pictured in the same scene.
If you’re feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, there’s no time like the present. Carly recommends tackling the issue “the sooner the better.”
“The longer you let it go, and just do it, that becomes the norm,” says Carly. “And then 5 or 10 years from now, you have this load of work that you’ve always done.”
To get the ball rolling, Carly and her husband made a list of all the things they’re each responsible for, many of which were surprises to each other.
“I think it’s something that couples should do,” she says. “Set aside time when you’re not absolutely not in a fight, to discuss what you do, what you enjoy doing, and what you don’t enjoy doing, and figure out who should do what.”
Tiffany Dufu takes this to another level in her book, Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less, emphasizing the importance of identifying our “highest and best use,” noting the things that only we can do and align with our values.
Even with a divide-and-conquer approach, there will be moments that push us all to our limits–calling for a dose of “this too shall pass” perspective.
“This isn’t forever and we’re going to miss this at some point,” says Carly.