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BeautyBeyondBones by Beautybeyondbones - 1d ago

Surprise! I’m back in Ohio!

I had a big callback that brought me back to the midwest, so I figured I’d make a little stay out of it!

Last night I went over to my brother and sister-in-law’s house. It was so fun. We watched The Bachelor Winter Games AND she helped me customize my FabFitFun box! I’m so stinkin’ excited about it. A quarterly box of over $250 worth of beauty and wellness products for only 39.99? YES. PLEASE. You can get $10 off when you use my code TENOFF at check out too

Anywho. We had dinner in front of the TV, so I wanted something that was “nushy.” You know? Something that I could enjoy for the entire episode of Ben Higgins goodness. haha

Enter: My homemade chips with gourmet guacamole!

This is what dreams are made of, people!

Sugar Snap Peas, tossed in Avocado Dressing, over a bed of Roasted Broccoli and crunchy Red Skinned Potato Chips! So delicious and a festival of flavors and textures.

It was almost as outrageous as the drama on TV!

And it’s gluten free, vegan, and Body Ecology Diet friendly!

And did I mention…it’s perfect for Lent?!

Here’s what you need: (Serves 2)

7 organic red skinned potatoes, sliced thin on a mandolin

1 stalk of broccoli, broken into florets, and roasted
1 1/2 cups sugar snap peas, chopped
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
2 Tbsp cilantro, chopped
2 green onions, chopped

Avocado Dressing:
1 avocado, mashed
juice of one lime
1/2 tsp salt
1 garlic clove, grated on a microplane grater/zester

Tools:
mandoline slicer
good Chef’s knife (here’s the one I use and love)
baking sheets
tin foil (I use nonstick and it’s a game changer)
Microplane grater
Olive oil spritzer

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Carefully slice your red potatoes on the mandoline. (Or with a sharp knife). Place them in a single layer on two tin foil-lined, olive-oil sprayed baking sheets. (You’ll do two batches). Spritz them with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and bake for 15 minutes, flipping halfway through. You’ll need to watch them carefully towards the end – when they begin to get brown spots on them, take them out – they’re finished!

Meanwhile, roast your broccoli. Place the florets on a tin foil-lined, olive-oil sprayed baking sheet. Spritz them with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and bake for 15 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Also, prep your veggies. After you chop your red onion, soak it in ice water for 10 minutes – this gets rid of that bitter onion-y bite. Drain, and squeeze dry in a paper towel.

Finally make the dressing. Combine the dressing ingredients in a medium-sized bowl. Mash the avocado with the back of a fork until creamy and smooth. Add enough lime juice so that it is liquidy enough to coat the snap peas. Toss your snap peas, cilantro, and red onion with the dressing.

To serve, make a bed of chips. On top of that, make a cushion of broccoli, and top with the snappy guacamole! Garnish with green onions and cilantro, and enjoy!

This meal was SO GOOD! The textures of the meal took it over the top! The chips were phenomenal – they were incredibly crunchy! My sister loved them too – there was not a single one left! And combined with the tender-crisp broccoli, and crunchy snap peas slathered in the creamy dressing – it was amazing!

And the flavor was out of control – the bright lime juice, buttery avocado, fresh cilantro and subtle hint of garlic….it. was. so. good!

Now if only I had a gentleman to cook for….

See ya tomorrow!

For more recipes, you can get my e-cookbook here, or visit my food blog, GlutenFreeHappyTummy!

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“*** CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY! ________________________________________________________________
STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Next time you’re shopping on Amazon, be sure to stop by my link, amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones first! Doing so is absolutely FREE for you, and a great way to support this blog! (When you stop by my link first, whatever you get on Amazon will give this blog a little kickback :))

My favorite item someone purchased last week was a Three-Toed Sloth Stuffed Animal! So if that was you…THANK YOU!

For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! You make this blog possible

***NEW!! For outfit details, you can check out my LIKE.TO.KNOW.IT page or follow me in the Liketoknow.it App!
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BeautyBeyondBones by Beautybeyondbones - 3d ago

First of all: to the person who used my Amazon link to order a pair of pizza socks that literally comes in their own miniature cardboard pizza box….a) Can we be friends? b) You’re winning at life. And C) Thank you for using my link!

OK, so real talk: this was a tough weekend for America.

We’re losing miserably at the Olympics. Facebook is a dumpster fire of people soapboxing about guns. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theurox split up. Kids are staging a school walk out protest. And to top it off, the weather is having an anxiety attack, much like us – with snow storms one day, followed by 75 degrees the next day. Basically, we’re all a little on edge.

At least Kylie’s pregnancy rumors have been put to rest.

But I wanted to just take a little breather tonight, and perhaps go in a different direction than I had planned.

This post is for a very special reader — you know who you are.

Sometimes we wake up one morning, and struggle to comprehend how we got to where we are right now.

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There are a lot of things about my recovery that I don’t share about on here. Hard to believe, I know…I mean, everything from my virginity, to my love life, to my failures, politics, and even reproductive health! – have been fair game thus far…But there are parts of my recovery that I never really talk about.

And mainly because it involves a lot of sadness for me.

One of the most challenging aspects of my recovery has been mourning the loss of time.

Grieving for the adolescence I never had. For the vibrant girl who never got to laugh and dance and love and fall and get up and bloom. I had to mourn that loss. Mourn the life I didn’t get to live during my eating disorder.

Right before I developed anorexia

The fact is, I spent a good four or five years enslaved to my anorexia, and then directly followed by another year on bedrest for my ulcerative colitis. So close to six years during my formative years – was spent not living.

Instead of growing into the young woman I was supposed to be, and pursuing my dreams, setting goals, making friends, having fun – I was chained to my eating schedule and excessive exercise regime. Crippled with obsession about food, yet avoiding it at all costs, no matter the social or bodily implication. There was no life – From the panicked moment my eyes snapped opened in the morning to the anxious collapse at the end of the day. Never a moment of peace. For six years.

One of the biggest challenges for me, today – healthy and whole – is coming to terms with that time I can never get back. And accepting the loss of that pivotal time in my life.

Truthfully, if I spend a lot of time thinking about it, I can still feel my chest tighten in anger. But I rest in the hope of something that is bigger and greater than me. I have to. It is the only way to cope.

I have to trust that God is in control. I just have to. I have to believe that God will not let that strife be for naught.

And I have to believe that I still have something to offer. That He has something planned for me to do. Some way to use that darkness for light. Letting it not have been in vain.

That is why this blog came to be. That why I wrote my book. Laying it all out there with the hopes of offering encouragement to people with all types of adversity in their lives – including eating disorders.

I know that God will use my painful season for good. That is who our God is. That is how He operates. Time and time again, He demonstrates that — including with His own Son.

How easily we forget or gloss over the fact that for forty days — forty days— Jesus — God’s Son — was left alone in the desert to be tempted by satan. I mean, that is outrageous. First of all, I can’t imagine the will power it must have taken for God not to just swoop down and save His Son. But also – I can’t imagine how alone Jesus must have felt.

It is one of those situations from the Bible that is truly impossible to fully comprehend.

But if there’s one thing that shows, it’s that “desert periods” will occur in life. We will go through the desert. We will feel alone. And forgotten. Maybe inadequate. Possibly despairing. But our suffering doesn’t negate the Father’s love, as hard as that is to believe. And when we find ourselves in the middle of that desert, it’s even harder to believe that one day, we will ever be whole, or useful, or thriving again.

It turns out that Jesus’s “desert period” was simply the overture before the symphony. It was leading up to the purpose of His life.

He was never forgotten. He was being formed.

I still carry a lot of shame and feelings of inadequacy – believing that because of my past, I am broken or less than. But the truth is, God takes all things that are broken and makes them new. He turns the dust into clay, and that clay into beautiful masterpieces.

Lord, help me to believe that. 

Help me see the work you are doing in me.

And may you feel His hands forming you. too.

 

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“*** CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY!
________________________________________________________________
STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Next time you’re shopping on Amazon, be sure to stop by my link, amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones first! Doing so is absolutely FREE for you, and a great way to support this blog! (When you stop by my link first, whatever you get on Amazon will give this blog a little kickback :))

My favorite item someone purchased last week was a Three-Toed Sloth Stuffed Animal! So if that was you…THANK YOU!

For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! You make this blog possible

***NEW!! For outfit details, you can check out my LIKE.TO.KNOW.IT page or follow me in the Liketoknow.it App!

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BeautyBeyondBones by Beautybeyondbones - 1w ago

I felt a devastating familiarity, hearing about the shooting at Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida yesterday.

Photo: Joel Auerbach/AP

These tragedies have become all too common in our current world. Las Vegas, Orlando, Sandy Hook, San Bernadino, Manchester. It seems like every couple months, the list keeps getting longer and longer.

It’s sickening.

The prayers we plead for the victims and their families seem like they’re falling on deaf Ears. OK God, Where are You? Why do You keep letting these calamities happen? 

And, honestly, it can shake a lot of people’s faith.

How could a good God allow such bad things to happen?

And the only explanation that I’ve been able to find, is that we live in a fallen world. This life is not Heaven. And frankly, we were not made for this world, or to feel at home in it. We’re just passing through. And whether we like to admit it, or believe it, or even entertain the idea, the fact is: there is evil in this world. On the prowl. And we, a fallen people, can fall prey to such darkness.

I know that from personal experience. I did. During my anorexia, I was living captive. I won’t go into detail here, and if you want to read about it, you can do so in this post, but I had an out-of-body experience when the demon – or whatever evil was occupying my spirit – was expelled from my body. But that’s for another time.

There is evil in the world. And we must be diligent to keep the faith, steady our eyes on Jesus, and guard our hearts and minds to the trappings of the evil one.

Yesterday being Ash Wednesday, I always like to do a little experiment. I get my ashes in the morning and then like to walk around to see who else has a soot cross drawn on their foreheads.

And all day yesterday, I did not see a single other ash cross on the streets of NYC. None.

I thought, did I have the wrong day? Where are all the other believers? And granted, I know that not every branch of the faith “does” the ashes, and also – you can be a believer and not go to church – I get that. But where were they?

Here we were, Ash Wednesday – on a day where the nation is in mourning over a horrific tragedy where children were mercilessly shot and killed, you would think that people would flock to church, and that the streets of NYC would be flooded with people proudly wearing their ashes as a sign of support to those who are hurting.

But none.

I have lived in NYC for over seven years. And every year that I have lived and worked in this concrete jungle, I have gone to Mass on Ash Wednesday. And every year, the turnout has dwindled and dwindled. The first year I moved to the city, I went with my friend, and we literally had to stand in the back of the packed-to-the-gills church. It was crazy how many people turned out. But since then, every year, the crowd at mass thinned, until this year, when the church was barely even 1/3 full. Same church. Same time. Same Ash Wednesday service. Where were the people?

I didn’t just go to Mass yesterday. But also, to yoga. My best friend has been studying to get her yoga teacher certification, and yesterday, she taught her first class. And so, being her ride-or-die, I was there, front row, with my camera, cheering her on and contorting my body into unGodly positions.

But she ended her class with a quote, that honestly, made me tear up just a little.

It read: “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

There are a lot of hurting people walking around today. Yes, many because of the heaviness in their hearts from the Florida tragedy. But many for other reasons. Hidden struggles that they carry silently, each and every day.

And every one of us has the ability to be a light to those around us. And we don’t have to wear an ash cross on our foreheads to do so. Sure, that’s one way, but there are so many others.

And frankly, it is our duty. No, God didn’t make these tragedies happen — just like He doesn’t make you or I go out and serve the poor or volunteer our time. We have free will. We have been given the time we have on this earth. And how we choose to spend it is up to us.

And if we really want to live our lives in glory to the Father, other people should be able to witness that by how we live our lives. By the light we cast. By the lives we touch.

What better time than now to start living that way?

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So many people, during tragedies, toss around Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Which is wonderful and good and comforting, yes.

But what if one way He is close to those brokenhearted people, is by using you and me to love them? What if we are supposed to be the “go-between’ers?”

Yes, my heart and prayers go out to the victims and families and those hurting after this most recent tragedy. But more than that, I want my actions to go our to them too. I want to bring light to those whose worlds are darkened today.

Who’s with me?

Quick Sponsor Shoutout! If you haven’t tried Amazon Prime, consider this your personal invitation. I love how I get free 2-day shipping with my membership, as well as free 2-HOUR grocery delivery. It’s like I’m living in the future. Now you can try Amazon Prime for FREE for 30 days. Cancel risk free, anytime. Simply signing up is a free and easy way to help support this blog! Thank you!  Try Amazon Prime 30-Day Free Trial

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“*** CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY!
________________________________________________________________
STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Next time you’re shopping on Amazon, be sure to stop by my link, amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones first! Doing so is absolutely FREE for you, and a great way to support this blog! (When you stop by my link first, whatever you get on Amazon will give this blog a little kickback :))

My favorite item someone purchased last week was a Three-Toed Sloth Stuffed Animal! So if that was you…THANK YOU!

For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! You make this blog possible

***NEW!! For outfit details, you can check out my LIKE.TO.KNOW.IT page or follow me in the Liketoknow.it App!

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BeautyBeyondBones by Beautybeyondbones - 1w ago

Happy Ash Wednesday! (And Valentine’s Day!)

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Ready or not, we’re officially kicking off the Lenten season today.

And in my Catholic family, that always means one thing: no meat on Fridays.

Growing up, we would always go to the Friday Night Fish Fry at my church. It was definitely something I looked forward to in our community in Ohio. Namely because I would always see the cute boys from church who went to the private schools in the area, but that’s a story for a different day.

Tonight I wanted to share a delicious Lent-friendly dish that is as delicious as it is photogenic.

Mexican Skillet Cakes!!

Mexican flavored veggies packed into a flapjack, and smothered with creamy guacamole!

This budget-friendly meal is definitely not laking in the flavor department, let me tell ya!

And it has a protein-packed secret ingredient: almond flour! Which is simply ground up almonds. But it gives these bad boys a hearty bite, and packs a nutritional punch!

And it’s Grain and Gluten Free, Paleo and Specific Carb Diet friendly! (with a Vegan Option, too!)

Quick Sponsor Shoutout! If you haven’t tried Amazon Prime, consider this your personal invitation. I love how I get free 2-day shipping with my membership, as well as free 2-HOUR grocery delivery. It’s like I’m living in the future. Now you can try Amazon Prime for FREE for 30 days. Cancel risk free, anytime. Simply signing up is a free and easy way to help support this blog! Thank you!  Try Amazon Prime 30-Day Free Trial

Here’s what you need: (Serves 1)

1/2 cup almond flour
3 egg whites (Vegan Option: 2 flax/chia eggs)
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 red pepper, diced
1/2 zucchini, diced
1/2 red onion, diced
2 shiitake mushrooms, diced
3/4 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp oregano
5 grinds of pepper

Guacamole:
1 avocado
squeeze of lime
1 garlic clove, grated
1 tbsp red onion, grated
cilantro
salt

Tools:
Large non-stick skillet
Spatula
Silicone Scraper
Good Chef’s Knife (This is the one I use and love)
Microplane grater/zester

Start out by sautéing the onion in 1 Tbsp EVOO with the salt, pepper, and spices. Let them cook for about 3 minutes. Meanwhile, combine the other raw veggies in a separate bowl. After the onions have softened, pour them in the separate bowl with the other veggies and toss to coat everything with the spices. Once fully mixed, stir in the eggs/almond flour and salt.

In a large, non-stick skillet, add 1 Tbsp olive oil. Heat it over medium heat for 1 minute. Then, pour 1/3 cup dollops of batter onto the skillet. It will make 4 pancakes. Let them cook for about 4 minutes per side, until golden brown. When you go to flip, carefully do so, using both a spatula and a silicone scraper — they can be a bit messy.

While they’re cooking, make the guacamole by combining the ingredients in a bowl and smashing it with the back of a fork.

To assemble, top your skillet cakes with a dollop of guacamole, and garnish with cilantro.

Wow, oh wow! Were these ever a treat! Before I even tasted them, I was salivating at the amazing aroma coming from the kitchen! I saw my apartment neighbor after dinner when I was throwing away the garbage, and he said, “oh my Gawd, there’s always such good smells coming out of there! Are you opening a restaurant?” Haha, thanks buddy

But the flavors and textures were incredible….outstanding, in fact. I have never had Mexican flavors with almond flour, and let me tell you — it was outrageous! The Mexican spices were warm and sultry, and then there was this underlying slight sweetness from the almond flour, which had now toasted, and the red peppers, which had begun to caramelize.

And then the rich and luxurious guacamole brought it all together. It was cooling, counterbalancing the spicy-sweetness.

Not too shabby for a humble Lenten supper

OK, I’m off to church to go get my ashes! Happy Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, friends!

For more recipes, you can get my e-cookbook here, or visit my food blog, GlutenFreeHappyTummy!

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“*** CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY! ________________________________________________________________
STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my sponsor, BetterHelp Online..

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BeautyBeyondBones by Beautybeyondbones - 1w ago

Well, in case you were uncertain as to the relentless pace of time, allow me to be the first to remind you: Lent begins this week.

I know. I can’t believe it either. It feels like literally two days ago that we were ringing in 2018.

But yep – Ash Wednesday is here. And I’m personally blaming it on Apple and their freaking High Sierra Update that Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday fall on the same exact day.

Talk about bad timing.

America’s sweetheart holiday devoted to gorging on chocolate and strawberries, surreptitiously falling on a day of fasting and abstinence.

I think it’s Apple’s sneaky way of trying to undercut Amazon’s recent takeover of Whole Foods.

#ConspiracistAtHeart

But truthfully, this Lenten season is coming not a minute too soon.

This weekend was a mess of rain and humidity and grey skies here in Manhattan. Which admittedly, has been mirroring my spirit these last few weeks. Maybe you could tell – I hope not.

But last night at Mass, the “penny dropped” as my late acting teacher would say.

Sitting there, listening to the first reading about the man with leprosy, I realized that there were tears rolling down my cheek, and a lump had taken residence in my throat.

“The one who bears the sore of leprosy…shall cry out, “Unclean, unclean!”…He shall declare himself unclean, since he is in fact unclean. He shall dwell apart, making his abode outside the camp.” — LV 13: 44-46

Listening to that, I came to the stark realization, that is me.

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That is the lie I have been believing and living with: Living at arm’s length, because I do not believe I am worth loving.

I try so hard to put on a brave face and do and say the right thing, but when it comes right down to it, I still carry my brokenness, leftover from the anorexia in my past.

Listening to that reading, it was as though someone had taken the feelings I couldn’t put into words, and proclaimed them from the pulpit for all to hear.

Recovery is journey, ever evolving. And there are times when you’re on mountain tops and times when you’re hanging on by your fingernails. And for those with anorexia in their past, you can attest that the largest and most difficult aspect of recovery is not the weight. It’s not the food. Not the exercise, or the body image – although that is definitely a bear too. But it is the self worth. It is believing that you are worth love. And that is what has flared up here recently.

This story does not end here, though.

Last night, I dried my tears and was on high alert for the rest of Mass, knowing that God was going to “bring it home” for me one way or another. And the Father never fails.

Fast forward to the Gospel.

“A leper came to Jesus and kneeling down begged him and said, “If you wish, you can make me clean.” Moved with pity, Jesus stretched out His hand, touched him, and said to him, “I do will it. Be made clean.” The leprosy left him immediately, and he was made clean.” — MK 1:40

There’s so much talk about self-denial and penance and “giving up” this or that for Lent. And, yes, those things are fair and true.

But to me, Lent is about so much more than that. And frankly, so starkly different than the focus on penance and abstinence.

To me, Lent is one giant love letter. From Jesus to you and me.

It all simply comes down to one fact…what are we actually preparing for?

We’re preparing our hearts for the incredible offering of love that Jesus made on the Cross.

These 40 days leading up to it, are Jesus showing us the degree to which He loves us.

A message that, I, for one, desperately need to hear right now. And in return, it is an opportunity to reflect on, and actively participate in that love.

So leave it to God to use a message about freaking leprosy to romance my heart and express the love that He so longs to give to me, if only I ask for it.

God knew that I needed to hear it. And hand delivered it just in time for Valentine’s Day, no less.

So maybe it’s not such a big conspiracy that Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day fall on the same day. And in fact, the more I think about it, the more sense it actually makes.

The greatest “grand gesture” of love in the history of the world, contrary to popular belief, was not when John Cusack raised up the boombox in Say Anything…

.
…but rather, when Jesus stretched out His arms for you and me.

That’s a Valentine.

That’s Jesus saying, “be made clean.”

I need to show Jesus my brokenness – show Him my wounds – and let Him touch them. Let Him cradle my heart in His hands and say, “I do will it. Be made clean.”

He can’t heal what I won’t give to Him.

This Lent, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

***THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS ORDERED MY BOOKS, BLOOM: A JOURNAL BY BEAUTYBEYONDBONES AND “MY BLOGGING TIPS“*** CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR COPY! ________________________________________________________________
STAY CONNECTED!

@beauty.beyond.bones – Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

YouTube

A big thank you to my sponsor, BetterHelp Online Therapy.  Speak with an online therapist. Or check out content about eating disorders from BetterHelp.

Next time you’re shopping on Amazon, be sure to stop by my link, amazon.com/shop/beautybeyondbones first! Doing so is absolutely FREE for you, and a great way to support this blog! (When you stop by my link first, whatever you get on Amazon will give this blog a little kickback :))

My favorite item someone purchased last week was a Waterproof iPod Shuffle! So if that was you…THANK YOU!

For Podcast versions of my posts, please check out Patreon! You make this blog possible

***NEW!! For outfit details, you can check out my LIKE.TO.KNOW.IT page or follow me in the Liketoknow.it App!

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BeautyBeyondBones by Beautybeyondbones - 3w ago

So I’ve been sick with the flu this week.

I haven’t left my bed in over 24 hours. My hair has that post-sleep permafix; I’m bundled up in three layers – all of which need a good washing after last night’s fever. There’s a mountain of tissues on my bedside table. And to top it all off, I’m mouth breathing. At least I’m wearing deodorant.

Needless to say, I’m feeling pretty attractive right now.

But let me tell you – after a day cooped up in bed in a studio apartment, not only are you stir crazy, but you’ll inevitably find yourself in the deep abyss of the internet.

And unfortunately, this time didn’t result in a semi-fascinating conspiracy theory on the Denver airport, or an adorable cat video that makes me question my marriage eligibility status.

No. In fact, I’m writing this at 1:24 am, after having spent the last 2 hours combing through over three thousand comments, many of which were hate….about….me.

Yep. I have officially become the target of online bullying.

I don’t know if you remember, but back around Thanksgiving, I partnered up with a beauty brand. I made a cute little one-minute video about their magnet mask. Perhaps you gave it a watch.

Innocent enough. I had fun making it, although to be honest, it was pretty terrifying putting my face on camera without a speck of makeup or concealer on. I can tell you about my virginity, my faith, my political views, fears, hurts, history of anorexia — no problem. But ask me to go on camera without undereye concealer? — I’m petrified! Talk about vulnerable. But I did it. I genuinely loved the product (I still use it) and was happy with how the vid turned out.

Little did I know, but that “little video” has been viewed over 3.5 MILLION TIMES on Facebook and Instagram. The company has been using it as their viral Ad. What an honor!

View the Video

And well, let’s just say that with that exposure, my “anonymous” blog life and “in-person” life have been colliding. Many of my friends/acquaintances/teachers/coaches from high school have been commenting on the video, asking if it is me, not knowing that I have this blog.

And it was only tonight, after I was tagged in the video by a friend, that I discovered the reach this video has gotten.

And also…the hate.

I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, my fever-induced brain thought it was a good idea to read through all 3,000+ comments, and sear into my brain all the mean things random people were saying about me. Maybe it’s the masochist in me.

But wow. People are brutal. And cruel! My goodness, you’d think some of these people were raised by pit bulls!

People called me stupid. A “crazy white girl.” Said I was twelve years old. Attacked the way I spoke. The way I looked. Accusing me of plastic surgery or being sick with different skin diseases. They were hurling insults like cannonballs off The Black Pearl.

And all from the safety of anonymity behind a screen.

Let me highlight some of the real gems.

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