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The Onion by The Onion On Local, Shared By The O.. - 3h ago
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Violence and bloodshed have long been a part of gaming, but it seems that as the years pass, video games are only getting more and more violent. Rather than emphasize creative problem solving, the gaming industry is increasingly emphasizing that the only way to deal with a problem is through violence. But it doesn’t…

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WOODS HOLE, MA—Illuminating the panicked and desperate final hours of the passengers aboard the doomed ocean liner, forensic divers from the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution found new evidence Tuesday indicating that the Titanic’s passengers continued eating from the main deck’s buffet as the ship sank into the…

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In a milestone for the nation’s energy sector, U.S. renewables topped coal for the first time ever in April, suggesting a pattern of green energy that will likely sustain itself in the coming years. What do you think?

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The Onion by The Onion On Local, Shared By The O.. - 16h ago
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WASHINGTON—Noting multiple occasions when he had applauded the disgraced hedge fund manager’s affable personality, President Donald Trump claimed Monday that he tried to warn the public about Jeffrey Epstein’s behavior by praising him as a terrific guy. “From day one, I was clearly trying to send a message to you…

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SHAKOPEE, MN—Bursting through a set of doors only to discover yet another windowless stockroom stretching out ahead of them, Amazon workers attempting a walkout Monday entered the seventh hour of wandering an ever-expanding, labyrinthian warehouse. “The strike was supposed to start at 9 a.m., but when we attempted to…

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EL PASO, TX—Following on the heels of an announcement that he and his wife were the descendants of slave-owners, Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke went further Monday by admitting that members of his family were responsible for the My Lai Massacre as well as the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire. “The…

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There are tons of interesting facts about legendary actor and comedian Robin Williams, but this isn’t where you’re going to find them. We know these seven facts about Robin Williams are utter dogshit, and we do apologize. We’ll try better next time.

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NEW YORK—Frantically searching through the latest lightning deals and price slashes while sitting in his darkened room, Amazon customer Franklin Harris was reportedly forced to piss in a bottle Monday in order to keep up with Prime Day deals. “Christ, I’ve been busting my ass scrolling through deals for 12 hours…

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