Hi guys! It’s been a little bit since my last update about taking a little break for my health. I have been doing exactly that, and it has been amazing. I have learned so much from going deep within, and I know I am only just beginning.
I wanted to use this space to share my recent experiences going inward & to answer some questions I have been getting about where I am in my healing process, healing modalities I have pursued, Lyme treatments, all of it. I am still figuring that out, but I will do my best to explain where I am right now. I feel really happy with where I am now after hitting an insane rock bottom that I am still climbing back from.
Setting the Scene //
So, first let’s set the scene. I am sitting in Malibu with my mama listening to the ocean waves roll in. It’s a sunny, warm day, I feel the sun’s rays warming my skin, and it feels good to be ALIVE. I am trying to do more things each day that make me feel alive — like I am one with this human experience because being so sick for so long has often made me feel like I am not.
I am making a point to get outside more and let nature heal me. I can’t run on the beach like I once did (yet at least) but I can go to the beach, sit in the sand, listen to the magical sounds of the ocean, feel the sun on my skin, and let it all remind me of the power of the earth, the power of nature. We are all here for a reason, reasons beyond what we could EVER believe — and shifting my mindset to KNOWING & believing that life is happening for me and not to me has been deeply healing.
So in truly believing that, I know that being sick right now is not something to be afraid of or to get extremely down about. Yes, it’s hard to wake up every day with such exhaustion and pain (and sometimes dizziness and nausea and more) that I don’t even know if I will be able to get out of bed, but I can also shift my perspective to see that I am experiencing all of this for a reason.
My belief is that I am experiencing chronic illness because it’s time for me to wake up to a higher consciousness. Life has had to figure out a way to knock me down in a big way in order for my eyes to be opened. I know this may sound a little out there to some people reading and may also be triggering or upsetting to people who are in a similar position of chronic illness because many parts of it are so hard and so painful.
But what if it didn’t have to be a bad thing to be sick? It can still be hard and painful, but what if everything is playing out exactly as it is supposed to? Shifting to that kind of understanding is not only healing but exciting, because that means that the possibilities of what this time in my life will bring are limitless. Infinite. And it means the same for you too.
Going inward //
Going inward has been my greatest healer. Trusting my intuition has become my own biggest teacher. Realizing all of this has been incredible, because I’ve known it all along (we all know it all along) but I didn’t believe it in my bones until very recently.
What made me believe it after all this time, you’re probably wondering? There were a few catalysts. I have been seeking answers for my illness for so long now, just trying to feel better, just trying to heal. I have been so desperate to “feel better” that I have committed to just about everything / anything you could ever imagine… and it’s all been outside of myself.
Very recently, I hit a breaking point with all of that. I describe it as feeling like I was on a hamster wheel, running as fast as I possibly could, and everything in the universe and inside of me was telling me to GET. OFF. THE. WHEEL. To just breathe and let be. To go within and find the answers there.
Well… that was scary!!! Going within is terrifying. Most of us will spend our lives searching for answers outside of ourselves rather than going within. Sitting alone with our thoughts for 30 seconds can be terrifying, let alone 30 minutes, hours, days on end, or more. We always want to believe the answer is somewhere outside of ourselves — if we just meet that ONE PERSON or that ONE HEALER or hear of that ONE TREATMENT that healed someone else… we want to believe it will heal us too!!
And I’m not saying that’s not possible. Anything is possible. But when I finally hit my breaking point I realized that for me, going within is going to be more healing than anything else I could ever do.
Hitting my breaking point //
You probably noticed if you have been following me for a while that when I was in Canada a few weeks ago studying the Gerson therapy, I hit an absolute breaking point. I was walking around with a perpetual flulike misery trying to live life, travel, study, learn, keep running on the hamster wheel. I had been force feeding my body juices and veggies (as part of the Gerson therapy) for weeks, over-stuffing myself on multiple juices a day + food.
(Again, nothing wrong with that for many people, but it’s what contributed to my breaking point.)
Finally my body just blew up. I developed full body hives and then came home and was hit with the WORST flu I have ever experienced in my life. I was on the bathroom floor shaking, teeth chattering, sobbing, and feeling so dizzy I felt like I was trapped in a black hole. The exhaustion was so intense I felt called to cancel my entire calendar for MONTHS ahead. The despair so great that I felt the impulse to turn off my phone for a month and have people solely contact me through Jonathan or my mom.
I knew I was hitting a rock bottom. Sinking into it with wild abandon. And guess what? I wasn’t mad about it. I completely threw up my hands in surrender. I knew that something in the universe was trying to get me to shut up, stop moving, and listen.
It’s hard to know what to do from there when you’ve hit a solid rock bottom. I knew what would be good for me: meditating, being outside, writing, yoga, time with my love and my family, resting, keeping my stress levels low… but all of that sounded like a lot of work and I wasn’t really feeling up to doing anything.
So for a few days I didn’t do anything. I watched many, many episodes of RHOBH and Vanderpump Rules from my couch. It was awesome. I ate only oatmeal and rice cakes and veggie broth for at least a week because it was all my stomach could handle. I didn’t force anything. I didn’t even go to my Lyme treatments because I knew getting IV’s during this time would only further knock me down.
And slowly, after the deep rest, my intuition began to guide me. Or should I say it continued to guide me.
People have continued to share healing modalities and healers and treatments with me, but it just kept feeling off. Even with the most well intentioned, trusted friends of mine’s recommendations, I felt clear that I am not meant to be following those kinds of recs right now. Of course I have had to learn that the hard way by seeing new massage therapists / speaking to healers on the phone and realizing it is all off. Each time it feels like my energy is being sucked out of the very core of my being.
It is not time for me to work with new healers or try any new treatments. It’s time for me to do this inner work.
Doing the inner work //
I began to start every day with a Joe Dispenza healing meditation. First I did his “You Are the Placebo” meditation on YouTube every day, and lately I’ve been doing his “Morning Meditation” on Apple Music. I forced myself to keep my phone on Airplane Mode until well into the afternoon. Every day. I started removing outside distractions and going within.
Since then my meditations have only gotten stronger and it’s been easier to go deep. I am doing at least two meditations a day, but I am also striving to life every moment in meditation. Life can be a meditation, our own personal heaven if we allow it to. We just have to get out of our own way, and detach from our minds.
Every fiber of my being during these meditations tells me that I am my own healer. I have all of the answers. Detaching from my mind, the negative thoughts and the stories I have told myself for years and years, that is what will heal me. My mind will heal and my body will follow suit.
I really, truly believe that we only get sick because we are being called to wake up. That can mean anything to you. I have become a deeply spiritual person, so to me waking up holds a very sacred and special meaning. It’s universal. But even if you don’t believe in any of this spiritual stuff, waking up also just means waking up to yourself! To who you are inside! It’s exciting.
The real work is knowing that even if I were to be sick for the rest of my life, I would be okay. I don’t believe that I will be sick forever, but I know that if that were the case I would be. I am working on the constant act of surrender. And it is really, truly, madly, deeply healing me on deep levels.
Answering questions //
So to answer the questions I have been asked about whether I am still following the Gerson therapy or doing the Gerson therapy health coaching program, the answer is no. I believe it is wonderful and I really do think everyone should listen to the podcast episode I did on Gerson a few weeks back. But for me right now, it’s not the answer. Committing to any program or healer or teacher outside of myself right now is not the answer.
I am still eating SOS-free and plant-based, but the main download I keep getting about food is that it’s really not about the food… it’s so much deeper than that. Food is very healing and it is part of our medicine, but focusing too hard on it or trying to heal entirely through food is not the answer (for me at least). As long as I am eating a clean diet, full of plants, that serves my body and makes my vessel feel good and energized and not bogged down or imbalanced, I am doing the right thing.
As far as Lyme treatments, I feel that my doctor Dr. Erica Lehman is a godsend in my life and was brought into my life for a hugely guided reason. I trust her so much, and the plan she has me on is working for my body even though healing from Lyme is a very slow process. Being my own healer doesn’t mean rejecting medicine or working with a doctor or specialist, it means trusting my intuition to work with the right doctor for me, and do the treatments that will best serve my highest good.
Right now we are doing antibiotic IVs (Rocephin), Myers Cocktail IV drips, and IV Artesinate (an herb for Babesia), among the other supplements and Lyme meds that I take at home on a daily basis. I encourage you if you’re suffering as well to find a doctor who speaks to you, who really speaks your body’s language, who understands how you feel and validates exactly what you know you are experiencing, and go from there.
Also, letting love in is extremely healing. Saying no to the things I don’t want to do. Keeping my circle extremely tight right now more than ever. It doesn’t feel right to me go to most events right now — as a guest or as a host, because that is precious energy that I need to be using to heal. My intuition always knows whether it’s right or off to see/spend time with a certain person, so I have been going with that. There is NO REASON to feel guilty for protecting your own energy and boundaries.
I am spending a ton of time outside, WRITING because it makes me so happy, listening to Oprah’s Super Soul podcast because it speaks straight to my soul, and so much more.
I have so much more to say, but I will leave it at this for now. I am doing the deep work. I am so excited about where it’s leading me. I feel in my bones that so much will be created from this. I want to share it all, but I will be doing so slowly and with great thought. I am not on that hamster wheel anymore and I have no desire to be.
We can all heal, and if you are suffering you are not alone. Not even close. We are all in this together. I am honored to have you here reading and along for the ride — thank you for being interested in my healing journey and for reading what I have to say.
You guys are truly the best. Lots more to come soon. Would love to hear your thoughts on all of this. XO
My loves, the time has come for me to take another break. I am not putting rules around it, I am not disappearing from social media, I am not stopping work cold turkey, but I am making a lot of changes and PUTTING MYSELF FIRST. And here’s why…
I have been pushing myself to the brink. Despite my body being totally afflicted by Lyme and co-infections, I have found myself telling a story in my head that goes like this: “Wow. I am superhuman. I am so, so sick, I wake up feeling like absolute shit, and yet I still manage to get through the day and get everything on my to-do list done and run my brand and grow my business and see everyone who matters to me and show up for others and be a great fiancé — damn, I am a total badass.”
Don’t get me wrong, telling myself I am doing amazing is not the problem. I believe in the power of optimism and positive thinking to no end. The problem with the story I have been telling myself is that it completely contradicts how my body feels. It is a constant struggle, a severe FORCE to get through all of those things each day. It wraps my heart into a tiny little ball and squeezes it until it can barely breathe because my heart tells me daily (actually minutely…) to slow down, but my mind says, “NO we’re going to keep going. We have to keep going! What will happen if we don’t?”
You might think this sounds really militant of me but sadly this is a very common issue among those of us with chronic illness. Once you’ve been sick for so long it’s just so hard to accept that things… well… they aren’t getting better. Especially if you’re not listening to your body or putting rest first.
You might remember that back in the winter time I took two months off for my healing. I planned on it being a total digital detox but I found that to be too strict, especially because I also realized during that time that sharing and connecting on social media is healing for me. Simultaneously I stopped working, stopped podcasting, cut myself off from a large part of my community (you guys), and didn’t really know what to do with myself. I didn’t like it at all.
So this time there are not those kinds of rules. I will still be on social, but will be taking on VERY minimal partnerships so it’s not really work, it’s just fun. I will still be podcasting, but I am strictly limiting myself to interviewing one guest per week OR one guest every two weeks (still figuring this one out) and filling in the blanks with solo episodes. Still considering podcasting once every 2 weeks as well… would love your input on that.
My breaking point //
And the reason for all of this is that I hit an absolutely huge breaking point over the weekend and earlier this week — the kind of breaking point that terrified me. I knew if I kept pushing, kept going and going at this pace, I would run the risk of living this way forever. Crash and burn, crash and burn, crash and burn, crash and burn. I refuse for that to be my life. I don’t believe in living that way, I would never allow anyone I love to live that way, yet I still have such stress and control about the way I live my own life it’s ridiculous.
I went to Canada over the weekend for a course I signed up for, although my body was telling me it was not a good time to travel nor was it a good time to do a course. I felt that since I committed to it AND since I shared it on my blog/podcast/etc. I needed to hold myself accountable. I also felt that once I got there all would be fine.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. The moment I got to LAX everything felt off. I felt like I was fighting off the flu. I landed in Vancouver and took a shuttle to Whistler, where I got violently car sick and threw up the entire way there. By the time I got to the town I was going to outside of Whistler, I was just ready to fall asleep and let my body rest. I didn’t sleep one single wink that entire night, for several reasons but one was a fire alarm that needed a battery switch so it beeped all night long.
The next day I woke up (except not woke up because I didn’t sleep) with hives on my eyelids and arms that I thought were misquito bites so I didn’t do anything about it at first. As the hours went on, I realized the rash was spreading and that it was most definitely hives and pretty severe welts. By the afternoon I was hardly able to be a part of the class I had gone there to take. I pushed myself to stay awake / be present until that evening, but my body was DONE. My entire body felt like it was on fire. My heart was racing with anxiety knowing how much pain I was in and how far I was from home. I felt so frustrated with myself for pushing my body in this state to be there.
I did sleep that night, and when I woke up on Sunday I was covered even more. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen the pictures. It was BAD. That day I wasn’t able to participate in the class at all. I laid in bed and waited for my shuttle departure time and then headed back to Vancouver — still feeling so far from home. I slept in a hotel that night and was filled with so much longing for Jonathan, Huddy and my parents I could barely breathe. I knew I was headed in for a full blown panic attack…
Fast forward to landing in LA — thrilled to be home, felt that I had learned a major lesson about pushing myself, my hives were going way down, and bam… I woke up with the flu. The FLU. I was so dizzy, nauseous, and foggy I could barely think. I was up the entire night on Tuesday throwing up, shaking, and feeling like I had been totally poisoned. I saw my doctor on Tuesday as well and she was able to determine that I had had mold exposure sometime upon my arrival in Canada.
So now not only was I recovering from mold poisoning but my immune system was so weakened I developed the flu. I sobbed that entire night to Jonathan and my mom saying I wanted / needed to turn my phone off for an entire month and just let people contact me through them if anyone needed me.
So that is still on the table but we will see. It does sound absolutely incredible.
Anyway, around 11pm my mom left and Jonathan came home from a work dinner and got into bed with me (but not without showering first because I was so, so sensitive to the smells from the restaurant — another product of mold poisoning / histamine levels rising) and from there we had a very powerful experience.
He was able to calm me down and get me to speak to the pain in my body. Immediately the pain wanted to be seen, heard, felt, and spoken to. It was ALL in my heart. It was a searing, fiery ball of pain right in the center of my heart, and felt like it was being squeezed by a rubber band. Loud and clear it spoke to me: “You’re doing too much. You’re running and running on this hamster wheel of life and you just need to get off. We need to be able to trust you. You know what you need, and you’re not doing it. Please give us what we need.”
Slow down. Be mindful. Stop pushing. Stop being forceful. NONE of this outer stuff matters. Health matters. My body matters. Being present for myself and my family matters. Getting healthy for me and my family matters. Nothing. Else. Matters. Work doesn’t matter. Disappointing people doesn’t matter (because disappointing them is a construct I have made up in my head out of fear of disappointing them to begin with). None of this stress matters!!!! It can be alleviated so easily!!!
Then we proceeded to have a deeply powerful experience that for now I will keep to myself because another thing I realized is that since I share everything SO openly — my heart can not exactly trust what is just for me, or just for me and those closest to me. It’s important to have those things sometimes.
What I will tell you is that I was communicating with my angels and guides and it was a deeply beautiful experience. They shared with me everything I needed to know.
After that I got up and spent the whole night journaling. I wrote down everything I needed to cancel / reschedule in my schedule for the coming months. Immediately I could breathe so much easier. I decided I wanted to continue the podcast… either weekly or every two weeks (weekly for now) because it makes me happy. But ONLY if I stick to interviewing one guest a week rather than piling on guests each week and also appearing on other podcasts/events/etc. every week.
And if I do want to maintain the podcast, that means I need to be very mindful in other areas. Very little energy output in other places so I can save it for that once weekly interview that I commit to.
Also just less stressing about whether people will be upset that I can’t make plans with them or do hardly anything right now. My real friends get it. Anyone who has walked in these shoes gets it, anyone who loves me gets it. That’s really all that matters.
I even got a ton of downloads about food — what I should be eating, how my diet has really served me well over the last year but its time to reevaluate a bit, and more. My body knows EXACTLY what it wants and it is thrilled that I am listening.
I swear after that my fever broke and my spirits lifted. I spent the entire day lying on the couch watching RHOBH yesterday and it felt SO DAMN GOOD. No judgment of myself, no guilt, just pure rest and cuddles with Hud.
Today I am feeling a slight bit better but as my sister just reminded me in a text… that doesn’t mean run out and do a bunch of things!! It means STAY PUT and keep resting.
So that is what I will be doing.
I wanted you guys to know all of this and that I am dedicated to taking it very easy for the next few months — more like the next year. I also have a WEDDING to plan and I don’t want the fun and excitement of my wedding to be dimmed because of how I feel. I don’t want to live the rest of my life as a sick person who can’t seem to get her act together and put her health first.
I believe deeply that this experience in Canada was a gift for me to go inward and learn what my breaking point really looks like — to finally BREAK and rebuild. It is time to give myself that gift and that permission.
I am so grateful to Jonathan and to my parents — true saints on this earth. I don’t know where the hell I would be without them but definitely not where I am right now. I am also so grateful to the amazing Dr. Erica Lehman… the kind of doctor who texts you immediately when she sees a photo of you with hives on Instagram, and who checks in on you daily until you feel better. She is my guardian angel. I love this brilliant and loving little team of mine so, so, so much.
Forever in gratitude. <3
XO, would love to hear your thoughts. I am excited about this time of rest and learning how to live differently.
Hi guys! Happy Saturday!! I have a big announcement for you today that I’ve been dying to share. Curl up somewhere cozy with your chaga latte or your celery juice because I’m going to tell you the whole story!
When I was at True North earlier this month doing my most recent water fast, I kept getting signs from the universe that I was there for a much bigger reason. True North is a health center that teaches the SOS-free way of life (salt oil sugar free, which you can read about here), and is also where I first learned about SOS-free and started implementing it into my life last May.
As I looked around True North it struck me very clearly that I was the youngest person there for some sort of larger purpose. I went to the cooking classes and the lectures and soaked up as much information as I could, and kept getting filled with this greater knowing that part of my purpose in life and especially part of my purpose in getting sick with Lyme is to help people heal by spreading the SOS-free message to a younger generation. It was a larger series of events that brought me to TN in the first place (I believe guided from above!).
While I was there I was filled with inspiration to create so many recipes when I returned home, and also to write a SOS-free cookbook and guide book for all of the many people out there who are looking to learn more and enhance their life with this anti-inflammatory, disease-friendly way of eating. But I also knew there was more, and I asked the universe to show it to me.
In the middle of my fast I sat on the floor in my room at and meditated for a long while to get clear on what I wanted the universe to bring to me. I was very open, and I said, “Show me the way I’m going to help people heal from chronic disease. Show me how to heal my body from chronic disease so I can help others. Unveil to me what it is I am supposed to be doing because I am filled with such massive inspiration to do it, but I am lost as to what *it* is, so point me in the right direction.”
From there, I let it be. I totally surrendered. I let go of what the response from the universe might look like, or when I would get it. But I wrote it down, continued to meditate on it, and felt very excited for what was to come. Fasts are also a great time to tune into yourself and just BE, outside of your daily routine and distractions from life, so I felt ultra clear on my path and my inspiration.
The Universe Answered //
Fast forward to returning home to Sacramento after the fast, and of course, the most miraculous thing happened. I had been making recipes like crazy and studying all things SOS-free to learn about what I could do to dive deeper and help people. There wasn’t a whole lot out there, but I kept looking. I watched the documentary HEAL (LIFE CHANGING) for the third time because I can’t get enough of it, and I got my parents drinking juices and smoothies every day. It felt so good to be back in the world and I was feeling super in the flow.
Insert the miraculous thing: one of my amazing blog readers Christine (@bluecrushwellness on IG) responded to one of the many SOS-free recipes I was posting and told me that she was in the middle of a health + detox coaching program based on the Gerson therapy, and that she would be happy to help with recipe testing any time if I did end up creating an SOS-free cookbook.
The whole message was amazing, but what most stuck out to me was the program. I said to her, “WAIT! Tell me more about this program!! Send me an email!!”
Christine sent me an email right away full of info and incredible inspiration. The program was EXACTLY what I had been looking for. When she mentioned the woman who started the program, Nicolette Richer, I realized the name sounded super familiar. So I checked my inbox and connected the dots — SO MANY people have pointed me toward Nicolette ever since my chronic Lyme diagnosis. She helps so many people heal. I had never contacted her before because I was receiving SOOO much info about what to do / how to heal / who to contact, etc. etc.
But now the time felt so right. So of course I immediately went onto Nicolette’s website & contacted her. I told her I was interested in the program, I wanted to meet her, I had a podcast that I wanted to have her on, the whole works!
It turns out she was coming to LA that very week from Canada and would be able to come over and be on the podcast! So on Monday of this week I met her, fell even more in love with her message and her knowledge, and simultaneously signed up for her health + detox coaching program, that starts at the end of this month!!!
The serendipities are WILD. The Universe answered.
NOW YOU KNOW WHY I HAVE BEEN JUICING SO MUCH !!
What is the Gerson therapy?! //
The Gerson therapy is a diet and lifestyle that was created by Max Gerson in the 1920s. It aims to rid the body of toxins and to strengthen the immune system to fight disease. It involves an SOS-free plant-based diet full of fruits and veggies from the earth, lots of cold-pressed juices, and whole gluten-free grains. It’s wild because I have been researching the Gerson therapy for years, but I never had a direct tie to it until I got sick myself.
In fact that first time I heard about it I researched it for about a week straight, I was obsessed with it (as I get with things), but ended up moving on from learning about it because at the time I was quite healthy — but I filed it away in my mind for if I ever got sick or anyone I loved got sick.
The Gerson therapy is most known as an alternative treatment for cancer, but it is also used to treat other diseases. Because of its aim to rid the body of toxins and strengthen the immune system, it can truly treat any disease. Nicolette has incredible stories of people who have healed from every disease under the sun — she has been living this lifestyle for 22 years! I cannot wait for you guys to hear those stories on the podcast, which will be out in 2 weeks.
The toxin ridding part of the lifestyle is done through coffee enemas. For people who are sick with chronic disease, this could mean up to 5 enemas a day. I have been doing 2 enemas a day so far and I have already noticed a boost since I began. I used to do one enema a day, as they are GREAT for people with Lyme who have an excess of toxins and trouble detoxing them.
Also for chronically ill patients the aim is to drink between 9-13 cold pressed juices a day (8oz each) to flood the body with nutrients and flush those toxins out. So now you know why I have been juicing an extra amount!!
Its even crazy that I was watching the documentary HEAL the night before Christine reached out to me, because the Gerson therapy is hinted at in that doc a handful of times. I was telling my mom about Gerson while we watched and how the Gerson therapy is truly the original SOS-free.
I have had an inkling for a while that trying the Gerson therapy would be beneficial in my healing journey, but I also didn’t know the first thing about it. In Nicolette’s program I will be learning everything from the science to the biology to the history of treating disease… it’s going to be intensive in the best way. I will be writing term papers & doing case studies & even taking on clients during this time (stay tuned for that!!).
And the best part is, I will get the opportunity to help my own body heal in the process.
And if I am getting really deep into the spiritual aspect of it, which I totally can with you guys, Charlotte Gerson (Max Gerson’s daughter) passed away last month at the age of 97. I can feel her gently guiding me from the other side as I continue to learn/devour this information about the Gerson lifestyle. I believe she is giving me those gentle nudges when I need them most, and I am so grateful.
ALSO, since then, the Gerson therapy has shown up in my life every day, multiple times a day!!! When I showed up to record this weeks episode of the podcast with Dara Dubinet & Jenna Zoe, Dara quoted Charlotte Gerson within minutes of me walking in her door. “If you cure one disease, you cure all.”
I’m sorry, but I believe there are no coincidences in this life!
More details?! //
If you want to look into the program yourself, you can find it here at Richer Health. They have offered a generous 20% off code — ERTHBLONDE1 — for any of our TBB tribe who would like to join. This particular program starts at the end of this month, and there is another starting in September.
Also, how wild that it starts at the end of this month?! When I was looking for something to start as soon as possible?! The synchronicities continue to blow my mind.
The is that disease can be cured by removing toxins from the body, boosting the immune system, and replacing excess salt in the body’s cells with potassium is such a beautiful thing to hear, especially when you’ve been suffering for so long. And it MAKES SENSE. I believe in doing alternative, nutrition-based therapies alongside of whatever it is that you’re doing with your doctor or naturopath to heal disease.
I believe we can all heal as long as we find the right path for us, and as long as we BELIEVE on a deep, cellular level that we will heal.
I mean, have you heard of this book?! If not, you should read it. We can ALL heal. It’s a matter of mindset, nutrition, dedication, community, support, belief, spirituality… it’s a matter of knowing there is something greater out there helping us heal. And it’s a matter of taking our health into our OWN hands.
I am so, so, so excited & humbled for this experience to come. I have been taking my health into my own hands ever since I got diagnosed with Lyme. I have refused to sit back and let Lyme take over my life, or ruin it. This journey has been a huge learning experience for me. I am still in bed 90% of the time — I am writing this post from bed. It has been hard, really f*cking hard. I am not going to sugar coat that.
But if I can take what I have learned and what I have suffered from, from Lyme to babesia to mold poisoning to MCAS to MTFHR to chronic hives/chronic eczema to chronic fatigue to brain fog and more, then I will be happy. I know we are only given what we can handle, and I am SO thrilled to finally have found a program to learn more about the SOS-free nutrition that I believe so deeply in so I can help YOUUU !!!! HEAL !!!
Would love your thoughts below! Let’s hear them! Have you heard of the Gerson therapy? Would you try it? xx
Hi guys!! As promised… today I am going to fill you in on the rest of my water fast. I last updated you on Day Four, when I was beginning to experience the most intense part of my detox. I wrote it on Day 3 though, since I usually schedule a post a day in advance… so a lot more has happened since then!
The Major Detox //
So my third night was the absolute most difficult of all. I started feeling an intense low back pain during the day while my parents were visiting me, as well as leg pain and a pretty bad migraine. At night it only got worse, and throughout the middle of the night it got worse and worse…
What it felt like was my liver detoxing very heavily, so I tuned into my body and asked myself what I was detoxing. (I also asked my pendulum!) The answers were pretty clear to me. I have been on a lot of medications for the last 9 months treating Lyme disease and mold illness.
For the last 7-ish weeks before I got here I had been on an IV antibiotic called Rocephin (that’s really helping with Lyme!!) and I could feel my body working hard to break down those medications and expel them. Not to mention the inflammation and toxicity in my body from Lyme and mold to begin with.
I was up the ENTIRE night that night!! Not one wink of sleep. I was tossing and turning and literally whimpering to myself… and then I started throwing up. The nausea and acid reflux was extremely intense.
Around 4:15am I emailed my doctor and told him the detox was so intense I felt we needed to slow it down with some juice. So that day I had four juices: watermelon celery, apple celery, carrot apple, and watermelon celery again. Giving you guys the juice deets because I got a lot of questions on Instagram about what juices I was on.
Then I went back into the fast for three more days, and I didn’t go back into as heavy of a detox as I did on night 3. Thankfully I feel that my body had been through the hardest part of it by then. I have so much compassion for my body for pressing through that and for my MENTAL willpower and mental health for being able to withstand such a strong detox.
When you’re sick, you never know what’s going to come up during a fast. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. That’s why I think it’s really important to note that water fasts should not be done at home. It’s safe to do them in the care of medical professionals in a guided environment so your needs are tended to. Had I been at home at Night 3, I would have totally given up and not continued fasting. (Slash would have been horrified at how intense my symptoms were.)
But because I was here, I had my doctors, got my vital signs checked and my blood work taken and cleared, and after a day on juice was able to hop back in. Then I got three more great days of detox, what I came here to do, under my belt before my body told me it was done.
Days 5 – 7 //
Days 5 – 7 were pretty difficult. I was very low energy, as to be expected, and it had been POURING & hailing here in Santa Rosa to the point where nearby areas have totally flooded and been evacuated. Without the option to sit outside in the sun and read my book or enjoy a change of scenery, I was going pretty stir crazy. This is important to take note of because sooo much of fasting is mental — I did not feel inspired at all being in my room 24/7 and it felt like every passing hour amounted to a week.
On Day 6 my parents came to visit, and on Day 7 my best friends came to visit. Having their company definitely got me through those days, as well as drawing inward and remembering my WHY of being here. Also all of the pep talks from you guys on IG and on my email have been very helpful.
Breaking the Fast //
On Day 8, I was feeling very much like it was time to break the fast. I didn’t have as much of an energy reserve as I had before my last fast, because when I was here in May I lost a lot of inflammation & some weight from the health and hormone issues I had been experiencing… so with my weight being what it is now I felt like my body was asking me to stop.
What’s the first thing I did when I felt that way? Listened to my body!! SO important. If anyone out there is fasting for health or for other reasons, my MAIN WORD OF ADVICE is to listen to your body. You don’t want to get into a position where your fast is super extended because your mental willpower keeps you pushing day after day but your physical body is just done.
I’ve had some questions on social media about why my fast was shortened, and listening to my body is exactly why. To be honest, I came into this fast with few expectations. If my body has been up for it I was signed up to fast for 16 days, but the moment I started I knew it would be closer to 10 days. When I stopped at 8, I felt nothing but total pride and love for myself. I pushed through 8 ROUGH days to get to this point, doing something beautiful for my body that I deeply believe in.
After that for two days I went on juice, the same combo that I was on on my 4th day. Then raw food, and now… I am introducing grains. Here at True North they take the re-feeding just as seriously as the fast, so I will be here for a few more days until I am able to eat all the foods again (legumes are last for digestion reasons and I’ll be able to have those in 2 days).
My first lunch back on food! Allll of the delicious randomness, haha!
Food Again & HEALING!! //
Eating again has been an experience!! The taste of food is BLISSFUL after you’ve been fasting. A watermelon celery juice tastes like cotton candy. Fruit with cinnamon (bananas are my fave, you guys know this) is AMAAAAZING. I love the appreciation I have for food after a fast. Eating becomes a spiritual experience — chewing slowly, no distractions, no phone, just being with the food and nourishing myself.
And guess what the best part is?!?! I FEEL LIKE I AM HEALING!!! Not just because of the water fast, but because of all I have been doing for my health for the last 9 months.
My mom noticed when she was here yesterday, during my first day back on food, that my energy levels are FAR & BEYOND what they were the last time I was here. Last time I was here, it took me about a week to regain my energy after the fast and after food. Yesterday was my first day on food and I already had energy to go on a long walk with my parents and felt totally myself energy-wise.
Being able to bounce back quicker is one beautiful benefit I have received this time around and I know it’s thanks to my Lyme treatment over the last 9 months. My incredible doctor (Dr. Erica Lehman!!) has had me on a rigorous protocol of herbs, supplements, hormones, medications when necessary, ozone, vitamin IVs, and more… and it’s thrilling to see that it’s all paying off.
Another great thing is that it is finally sunny here again in Santa Rosa so I have spent the entire morning walking around the neighborhood with my newfound energy (yay!!) and tonight will be going to dinner with my best friends who don’t live too far from here. (Don’t be mistaken, I am eating at True North since I am still re-feeding… but at least I can leave the facility and hang out with them!).
Water Fasting & Lyme //
I do feel like water fasting has been a key part of my healing journey from Lyme. I wouldn’t tell someone to water fast at the beginning of their Lyme treatment or AS their Lyme treatment… but once you’re well on your way to healing it’s a great detoxifying boost you can give yourself and the inflammation it releases is incredible. Letting the body fast & rest is a huge, huge gift… something we do not often give to ourselves.
Although being in bed for the last 10 days has not been the most fun, it has been what I needed. I have heard bursts of inspiration and been able to give my body deep rest and relaxation. I have gotten massages, chiropractic treatments, and craniosacral work on my body. My bod needed this. I believe we always know what our bodies need.
My first breakfast back! SO delish!
And the most exciting thing? Being back at True North where they teach the salt-oil-sugar-free way of life has inspired me in a big way… to create more recipes and hopefully create an SOS-free cookbook for you guys not too long from now! Tell me below if you’d like that.
I don’t want to be known as any one thing or have any major label when it comes to food — but if I can help other people experience the benefits that I have from this SOS-free lifestyle throughout my Lyme journey, I am going to do just that. It’s not about being 100% SOS-free, it’s about incorporating those meals + recipes into your life for an overall healthier, more abundant life.
I am sooo happy to be in this place of healing and I am so grateful for the support & love from all of you & my amazing family and friends throughout this journey. It has been wild and there are some great things to come.
If you have any questions, leave them below. I will be doing a solo podcast episode on this soon too! Who has listened to this week’s episode with Jeannette of Shut the Kale Up?!