This graph from a Standford University Paper on “How Couples Meet” caught my attention.
Having been single for a few years now, it seems as if apps have become the socially accepted and expected way to meet a partner. But what if the way apps work and feel is really not your jam?
I am determined to help reverse that “meet through friends” graph.
When you get introduced to someone via a friend, there is instant common ground and trust. Tapping into the “web of love” as my friend Sharon Lee calls it, is where the magic happens. When a friend introduces me to someone she/he holds in high regard and loves, I show up differently, open-hearted and less garded. (By the way, this also works in a work context!)
When you meet a stranger on an app it takes a lot of hard emotional work to figure out if that person can be trusted, is a good human, is who they say they are.
Looking back, when I was still married, I realize I was so busy being married and coupled, I didn’t pay attention to who was single in my circle of friends and if I could help make an introduction.
Seeing now just how hard it this to meet someone, I wish I helped my single friends more.
The IRL enthusiast that I am, and struggling with dating apps, I started asking my friends if they can think of a single friend they *love*. If they do, I ask them to write me a little paragraph about them, share their name and email so so can add them to my ever growing secret list of wonderful singles. Then they get invited to fun small gatherings. We had one so far and it was an absolutely delightful event. We are not labeling them as a singles event, we just tell them in the beginning that we all have one thing in common and they’ll probably figure out by the end of the night what that is. We are just getting started with these, Kyle and Christina are with me on the organizing committee. Best team ever.
Let’s bring back IRL and reverse that graph by tapping into our “web of love”.
“It’s a rather simple question that quickly gets to the core of someone’s sense of well-being and legitimacy: did your childhood leave you feeling that you were – on balance – OK as you were? Or did you somewhere along the way derive an impression that you needed to be extraordinary in order to deserve a place on the earth?”
As someone who works in an open office space and at times has difficulty focusing, I would totally be game trying this Wear Space Blinder Contraption. It looks ridiculous, yes, but hey, if it gets me to focus, I am fine with that.