Y’all The Same 24 Hours Podcast is on FIRE right now. So many great episodes: from Gretchen Rubin to Gary John Bishop to Emily Giffin. You don’t want to miss out on these. Of course, don’t forget to rate and subscribe–it helps so much! Subscribe to the Show by Email or Feed or iTunes. Episode 111: Gretchen Rubin: Outer Order, Inner […]
In a recent Instagram post, I shared my most recent layer and struggle–well, the external part of it. The response has been staggering–the emails pouring in–just like when I talked about my booze problemo for the first time. Summary: so many of us are struggling. With addiction. With pain. With trauma. With emotional abuse. With our own mechanisms that are HARMING us… but in reality? These are just ways that we are just trying to get through the day. To feel less, to survive, to not look back. To move forward. But we are on a loop–repeating the same bitter, destructive cycle. We are stuck. Stuck in the loop–or stuck in the same place. A tree with deep, sad roots–the explanation to the why and the how to recover just mere inches below the surface. But we don’t want to dig. We don’t. We can’t. We stay here. We “accept” ourselves. We try “self-care.” And we wonder why we feel worse, more damaged, more jaded. I’ll tell you why I think self-care and self-love is a destructive goal–in my book coming out in December #spoileralert (and I won’t argue with anyone about that premise until after December 17th)…but for now, I leave you with this: We need to keep FIGHTING. Sometimes, sure, the life process is about LETTING GO. But sometimes, I think we need to stand up and FIGHT. My life has been a story of fight. I always knew I was fighting something, but I now know what it was. I was fighting for my freedom, for a voice. For a place where my emotions mattered. Where I was heard for what I was feeling, not expected to sit quietly and absorb the emotions of everyone around me. Not to be told how to feel and process and live in my own skin. I was fighting for myself all along, I know that now. But I was young, and I stepped into the shoes of an addict so early. I was able to withdraw, give up, and be what I was told. In a sense, I knew I had to fight. But I didn’t know how to fight. So instead of turning the fight outward and speaking my truth and fulfilling my own life in the way I saw fit (and not how everyone else expected me to do), I turned the fight inward. In turning the fight inward, I developed coping mechanisms that resulted in a shitstorm of destructive behaviors–to cope with this fight I knew that I couldn’t win. Almost two decades later of fighting, I know what is going on. And while letting go is part of the process, I am now also ready to FIGHT. To fight the outward and true fight that was always inside of me, but caged by fear and crossed boundaries. This battle with food, with self-hate rages on. But I do not give up. SO I fight. The Instagram Post is below, for anyone who missed it. Love to you all, Meredith Last week, I hit my lowest bodyweight in two decades—with lots of hard work, without the assist of pills, shenanigans or other voodoo. . Then this week, I fell apart and let it all crash into a heap of sunflower butter, sushi, sugar and ballpark food. . “So what, it’s not a big deal,” you might say. . True. Except that the tally for the food—aptly logged, named and not to be shamed—was extraordinary. The sheer amount of junk I can consume is unfathomable. . “Oh how bad is it,” I imagine asked with an eye roll. . Well, it was about 5,000 calories. In addition to the regularly scheduled programming of about 1,600 a day. Yes, that’s like two large pizzas. It’s extra. And not in a good way. . When I was a drinker, I drank like this. Always more, more and more. MORE. I have lived my life with MORE. This feels just like that out-of-controlness. In a really unhealthy and destructive way. I don’t like it. . It boils down to safety—not feeling safe in my world, in my skin. To not trusting myself. To years of stuffing down emotional trauma. . Just when I think I have this food thing licked. Then I knock myself down. To prove that I am shit. . Today I did not drink, and I won’t. Ever again. That’s the initial hurdle. But I am now realizing that I have to treat this binge cycle JUST like I treated booze. Never think I’ve gotten it “beat,” always on my highest alert, and not doing any more shit to harm myself—just because I am mixed up in the head. . This post is my fight song. I share this when I know it matters. To me. Maybe doesnt matter to anyone else. But I need to saw it. . I made a public song about booze almost 3.5 years ago. I admitted it, and I said I would fight. So I am talking about this now. . It’s not about my body, the size or the shape. This war—as any recovery from trauma or addiction is—is a fight for my soul. Food is more than food. And it’s sharp. When it’s a weapon, it’s lethal. . Thanks for listening. One thing I know for sure, I always keep fighting. You’ll never see me give up on a second of myself—not for longer than it takes to eat the equivalent of two large pizzas, anyway. This is just the next phase. Right before the next… and the next. #YearOfNoNonsense #YearOfNoNonsense2Point0 Resources for Binge Eating and Sobriety FOOD: https://oa.org/ – Overeaters Anon – explains the program, has podcasts, phone meetings & in-person meetings https://www.avision4you.info/ daily meetings/special edition podcasts https://www.oalaig.org/laig-virtual-speakers-bureau/ — a bunch of great speakers sharing their stories SOBRIETY: Check out the links at www.GratefulSobriety.com
Y’all The Same 24 Hours Podcast is on FIRE right now. So many great episodes: from Gretchen Rubin to Gary John Bishop to Emily Giffin. You don’t want to miss out on these. Of course, don’t forget to rate and subscribe–it helps so much! Subscribe to the Show by Email or Feed or iTunes. Episode 111: Gretchen Rubin: Outer Order, Inner Calm & Happiness Episode 110: Joyce Shulman: 99 Walks, Macaroni Kid and Motherhood Episode 109: Gary John Bishop: Stop Doing that Sh*t Episode 108: Britt Frank: You are Not Crazy. You are Not Broken. Episode 107: Sasha Heinz, Ph.D: Perfectionism, People-Pleasing and Positive Psychology Episode 106: Emily Giffin: Something Borrowed, Something Lawyered, and Something Written Subscribe to the Show by Email or Feed or iTunes Complete Show Notes Archives here
A busy week and a less than 20 day countdown to the Swim Bike Family move to Massachusetts. I really have NO idea which way is up. That’s the truth. We wrapped on the recording of the Triathlon for the Every Woman audio book, had an amazing event at REI in Overland Park, KS, and an appearance on Kansas City Live just today. Oh, did I mention the next book, The Year of No Nonsense, final draft was submitted? I’m fine. Really. #whew Here’s some more scoop, in pictures, links and video: FR Ep 078: The Year of No Nonsense with Meredith Atwood Beginner’s Luck: 8 Things to Know Before Tackling Your First Triathlon Beginner’s Luck: The Gift of Sport Beginner’s Luck: What Are You Telling Yourself?
Another amazing Race Mania Summit and Expo in the books! From the fundraiser on Saturday night to the Seminars, Workshops and book signings — it was an incredibly busy and awesome weekend meeting new people, seeing “old” friends, and talking about Triathlon for the Every Woman. Thank you to Klean Athlete for sponsoring my book signing and providing 50 FREE copies of the book AND goodies to attendees. Use this link and sign up and save 20% on your purchases (#SponsoredAthlete). We gave away ALL the books, talked for two hours to ALL the people, and had ALL the fun. There was so many amazing opportunities and moments, I can’t possibly write about them, so instead… I’ll post all the pictures. And the coolest thing? The night before Race Mania, I had the privilege of sitting down with two endurance greats–Mike Reilly and Hunter Allen–at the NormaTec Recovery Headquarters–for a podcast recording. The episode is available now (Episode 105 in your favorite podcast app: iTunes, Spotify, Sticher, Podbean – just search “The Same 24 Hours”), or you can listen below. THE LIVE PODCAST – recorded at NormaTec Headquarters At the fundraiser for the IRONMAN Foundation on March 23 in Boston, Mike Reilly and Hunter Allen sat down with Meredith to record a podcast LIVE with the event attendees at “The Spirit of Endurance,” a community gathering to raise money for the IRONMAN Foundation featuring Mike Reilly, “Voice of IRONMAN”; Hunter Allen, renowned cycling coach; and Meredith Atwood, coach, podcaster and motivational speaker. This event takes place at NormaTec headquarters in Watertown, MA. Listen to prior podcast with the Voice of IRONMAN, Mike Reilly here on Episode 46. ABOUT MIKE REILLY: New Book: Finding My Voice – Buy here Mike Reilly is the official “Voice of IRONMAN” worldwide and the only person to have been inducted into the IRONMAN Hall of Fame, the USA Triathlon Hall of Fame and the Running USA Hall of Champions. He has been involved in endurance sports for over 40 years and is one of the most prominent personalities in the field. Reilly has called over 400,000 athletes across finish lines with his iconic phrase, “You are an IRONMAN!” and countless hundreds of thousands more in other triathlon and running events. Over his thirty years of announcing he’s listened to hundreds of stories from athletes, race directors, families and volunteers and, now, at long last, he’s gathered the most compelling of these stories into his long-awaited book, “MIKE REILLY: Finding My Voice”. Learn more about Mike and the book at at https://mikereilly.net/ ABOUT HUNTER ALLEN New Book: Training and Racing with a Power Meter – Buy here Website: http://www.peakscoachinggroup.com/ Widely known as one of the top experts in the world in coaching endurance athletes using power meters, Hunter Allen is a legendary cycling coach, co-author of “Training and Racing with a Power Meter” and “Cutting-Edge Cycling”, co-developer of TrainingPeaks’ WKO+ software, and founder of Peaks Coaching Group. Hunter has traveled to over 20 countries and taught thousands of cycling coaches and riders the principles of power training. Hunter is a USA Cycling Level 1 coach, was the 2008 BMX technical coach for the Beijing Olympics and has taught the USA Cycling Power Certification Course since 2005. A former professional cyclist on the Navigators Team, Hunter has been coaching endurance athletes since 1995, and his athletes have achieved more than 2000 victories and numerous national, world championship titles and Olympic Medals. Hunter is known as the “Coaches Coach” and frequently has coaches from around the world consulting with him to learn more about the latest in cycling and triathlon training principles. He is a sought after consultant for many endurance oriented tech companies and has worked with numerous companies to develop products for the cycling world, including the Leomo Type-R and the ICG indoor bike, the IC8. ABOUT RACE MANIA SUMMIT and EXPO – Boston, MA Website: www.race-mania.com The RACE-MANIA Summit & Expo is designed to educate, equip and inspire endurance athletes on the eve of a new season. Triathletes, runners, cyclists and swimmers are offered a full day of informative seminars, hands-on clinics & workshops, competitive events, an expo with 85+ exhibitors and more. This year’s event took place on 3/24/19, at the BU Fit Rec Center in Boston, MA. Follow Race Mania on Social: Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RaceManiaExpo/ Twitter: http://twitter.com/intent/follow?source=followbutton&variant=1.0&screen_name=RaceManiaExpo Instagram: http://instagram.com/racemaniaexpo/ ABOUT THE IRONMAN FOUNDATION The IRONMAN Foundation creates positive, tangible change in race communities through grant funding and volunteerism. “We are athletes. We are volunteers. We are givers. We are on a mission to create change in countless lives in race communities. We “Give Globally and Act Locally” by providing grant funding and service project opportunities around the world in partnership with local nonprofit organizations. We are in 64 national and international race communities creating positive impact with our local nonprofit partners. In 2018, the IRONMAN Foundation distributed more than $1.7 million to 1,400 organizations worldwide.” Website: https://ironmanfoundation.org/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IronmanFoundation Twitter: https://twitter.com/IMF_Foundation Instagram: http://instagram.com/im_foundation YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk3WjqzeJihLYY1BZ844zZA
Week 16.5 of training. I have never had a bicep when flexing this way. I can see the build really starting to show in many places. I’m bigger …yet smaller. It’s perplexing, really. I have a lot of muscle underneath all this other extra stuff. Getting the other stuff to go away AND keeping that muscle is the fine art of bodybuilding. Read the first post about it here. And look, there’s nothing wrong with my body. I know that. But the reason I am on this journey is because I have carried a DESTRUCTIVE belief my whole life that I could NOT transform my body. Not really. Not me. It was impossible. I can’t have the body that I want. Ever. I am on a quest to shatter that belief set. Because I am tired of that story. This is not about shrinking myself. This is about *exploding* INTO the best version of myself that I can be: hardworking, focused, relentless, goal-oriented and nonsense-busting. I won’t ever apologize for THAT quest. This 140 pounds of lean muscle mass I carry must be revealed. Somehow. #ifonlytherewasazipper Beginner’s Luck: The Spirit of Endurance Beginner’s Luck: Leaping Past Mental Hurdles Beginner’s Luck: Manifesting Our Success
On The Same 24 Hours Podcast! Episode 99: Peter Shankman: Fast Than Normal The New York Times has called Peter Shankman “a rockstar who knows everything about social media and then some.” He is a 5x best selling author, entrepreneur and corporate keynote speaker, focusing on customer service and the new and emerging customer and neurotatypical economy. With three startup launches and exits under his belt, Peter is recognized worldwide for radically new ways of thinking about the customer experience, social media, PR, marketing, advertising, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and the new Neurodiverse Economy. In addition to his passion for helping people and companies find success, some of Peter’s highlights also include: Founder of HARO – Help A Reporter Out, which became the standard for thousands of journalists looking for sources prior to being acquired three years after launch The ShankMinds Breakthrough Network, an elite, online mastermind of thought leaders, business experts, and change makers Faster than Normal – The Internet’s #1 podcast on ADHD, focusing on the superpowers and gifts of having a “faster than normal brain,” which has helped thousands of people all around the world realize that having a neuroatypical brain is actually a gift, not a curse The Book: Faster Than Normal Peter On Social Twitter: https://twitter.com/petershankman/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PeterShankman YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/ntrprnr Beginner’s Luck: A Different Kind of Model Beginner’s Luck: “Don’t Take It Personally” How To Become A Triathlete Runner: Part 1
I woke up today at 2:20am like it was freaking Christmas. Today is PUBLICATION DAY, which means that the book–this first book that I have written, babied, and birthed (for the span of the pregnancy of an elephant if you also count the 1st edition)–is now available. In Bookstores–real life stores. Through all the major outlets, and some that are news to me–which is even more mind-boggling. Like Barnes & Noble. Target. Walmart. Books-a-Million. Powell’s. Indiebound. Apple Books. Google Play. Kobo. eBooks.com. Of course, the giant that is Amazon. But Books-a-Million. That one really hit me this morning. I worked at Books-a-Million my junior year of high school. I was in customer service, and I helped place the New Release books on the shelves. I answered calls about “When is Cold Mountain available?” and “When is John Grisham’s new book out?” (“The Partner?” I would ask. “No, the other one,” they would say, and I would proceed to explain that we had The Runaway Jury in stock, but the Street Lawyer was not out for another few months.) I LOVED that job, but I quit because I was also on hot pursuit of a weightlifting goal–and running around on my feet all day touching books was bad for my afternoon squatting session. I didn’t stay at the bookstore for more than a summer, but I look back on that job as my fondest–for the simple reason, I loved books. I would go to the library as a kid and wander shelves. I liked the smell, though the dust would really mess with my fragile, allergic immune system. After the first publication of Triathlon for the Every Woman, I was excited. I mean, I had written a book–and not only that, I was responsible for publishing that puppy myself. It was a huge task. I was proud of it. But it was a limited thing–the self-published book. My book was only in libraries when someone donated or requested it; the distribution of a self-published author is low, no matter how hard you work. Still, Triathlon did well and I had some good numbers to show for my efforts. The amazing part of 2018 was that Triathlon was picked up by a publisher: Da Capo Press, an imprint of the publishing giant, Hachette Book Group. Not only that, they gave me a contract for a new book (coming December 2019!). I was tickled–that’s really the only word for it–because the cosmic connection that led to it being acquired is so ridiculous, so gratitude-filling, I can’t describe. So the journey to get this book in the hands of any woman who needs it? That was a part of this realization of the dream. The book would have a greater shot to reach more women, to change lives, to spread the message that: you are not alone. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even dream any more either–but you can–and strangely, triathlon might just be the vessel to get you there. I wasn’t sure what to write about today, but I knew I had to honor Publication Day with a blog. So I did what I did anytime I felt that I should say something: I opened my computer, sucked down a lot of coffee (lucky for you, it’s 4:30am now, and I might be making a little more sense). Here’s what I want to say about Publication Day Triathlon saved me. I go back and forth when I write about where I am, what I am up to, and this journey that is life–and my relation to self in this sport of triathlon. But here is simply where I land. My life was saved by this precious sport of swim, bike and run. My subsequent drama and pain was born out of it. Quitting a vicious addiction was born from it. When I think back on my biggest Childhood Dream… It was to be an author. I wanted to write books. I wanted to have my book in Books-a-Million, in the dusty library. But somehow, as a young adult, I began to believe I didn’t have much to say. And writers have to say something. By the time law school happened, the writer dream had all but died–and my body and soul had been abducted by a 250-pound drinker. Little by little, I got worse. Then I got better, and then worse. Then I actually tried to end it all. The truth is that somewhere along the way, I lost my dream. I forgot about being a writer. I forgot about being anything really. As a new mom and lawyer, my entire existence was about survival. I felt like I was dying every single day–and I did what I needed to do to survive. Only, I was looking for survival in all the wrong places: booze, food, shopping, crap after crap idea. On that one day I walked into Spinning class for the first time, and Gerry Halphen breathed air into the room that I needed (“today is the first day of the rest of your life”), I changed. I changed because someone gave me permission to change. The strange permission, I call it. The permission to change. Someone gave me hope. Eventually, I did my first run. Then a triathlon. Again, because that same someone, Gerry, told me I could. Because I had a husband who said, “Yep. Go do what you need to do” no matter how crazy he truly believed me to be. I had family who also thought I was nuts, but knew that anything was probably better than the path I was headed. Sure honey, go do a triathlon. (Just put down the wine bottle first, maybe?) So I did a triathlon. I did not put down the wine bottle–for many, many more years. But I wrote about my adventures in swim, bike and run on this blog. Not because I wanted to be a writer–I had forgotten about that dream–but because it felt like a normal thing to do. Not until after I did four IRONMAN races. Not until everything changed and I changed even more. My whole point of this… Is that the blessed sport of Triathlon not only saved my life and gave me direction, but it provided me a vehicle to start really writing again. I wrote about how ridiculous I was in Triathlon , and I kept writing. Then I wrote a book because my dear friend, Susan Wintersteen, said, “Write your damn book and quit talking about writing a book.” So I did. (Another permission giver–that Susan.) Triathlon drove me back to my dream–the dream I had as a child: to be a writer. It took me almost 10 years from starting Spinning class until now. Triathlon is bigger than a sport. Learning to swim, bike and run is a cathartic act–a moving meditation that kept me asking the question: What do I really WANT? What am I doing? What is this and that and why? During the quiet in the pool, the time on the bike and the pain of each and every run–I asked questions of myself. I breathed. I took time to prioritize. I wrote stories and blogs, I came up with ideas–all when I moved and trained. So today, on Publication Day, I can recount the many, many FAILURES in my life. All you have to do is be a drinker for a few decades to come up with a laundry list of horrible regrets and failures. But even if you aren’t a drinker, those failures and those regrets are loud. Because we all have them. I look at this picture and regret the mother I was then. Why? Because I knew I was better than what I was doing. Lord knows, I was trying. But I just didn’t know how to get out of the hole, the sadness, the fears. Doing my First Triathlon, my first 70.3. my first IRONMAN, and all the things in between and past, did not solve my life issues. Triathlon did not fix my problems or my life. Triathlon did not fix my depression, addiction, failures or pain. But it was the catalyst for taking those baby steps into what I wanted, asking the right questions, fixing a whole heap of shit, and moving forward in a way that was true to who I am. It helped me learn my path to becoming a better person. This morning, the book is #1 Best Seller in Triathlons. Not just new releases, but in the whole triathlon genre. “Big fish, small pond” scream the haters! Don’t worry. “Big fish, small pond” screams the shitty little voice in my head, too. But here’s the thing. None of those numbers actually matter. Because they will change by noon today–nothing stays the same, ever. And actually, I am grateful for that. What matters is what is going on in our hearts, souls and heads. How we feel. Our health. Those are numbers that count. That’s precisely why I wrote Triathlon for the Every Woman in the first place. Because I remembered whole-heartedly what it meant to have that sad, miserable voice in my head screaming horrible things at me. Saying, “Who do you think you are trying to be an endurance athlete! You are a huge, lazy and crappy mom of 2–who is also in denial that you have a massive addiction problem–and a bit of a legal profession situation that is making you miserable.” I wrote this book because I wanted anyone who is lost, sad, trying to figure out a place in their very messy world–to simply try the strange thing that is a Triathlon. Because that one act is life-changing. Of course, you can also read the book if you just want to do a triathlon–because it’s a great guide for that, too. But I hold that Triathlon is bigger than that. Because Triathlon saved my life. I have made mistakes and big ones too. Finding this sport didn’t fix anything, but it allowed me to grow–to know I had the tools within me to grow through some really painful periods of time. I had to learn to check my ego. I had to learn to let people and things and the way things were–those had to float away too. But I learned. Because Triathlon taught me how to step into my own–to feel pain, to learn joy, independence, and the truth of what truly matters to me. Triathlon took me back home. Triathlon was the vehicle that took me on the long course–right to my dream–the dream of being a published author. I thought completing an IRONMAN was the dream. I thought being able to run a marathon was a dream. Or writing a book. But deep down in my soul, the biggest dream of my life was just this: to be a published author. Today, I have accomplished the biggest dream of my life. And I owe it to this sport. With this book, I hope that others can also realize their dream(s) that might have long been forgotten–through the vehicle that is the moving meditation, life-changing, and character-building force of: swim, bike, and run. With immense gratitude on Publication Day. Love to you ALL, Meredith