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”What a selfish decision!”

…. is probably the most “classic comment” I have met.

My standard answer is:

Yes it is, and this is something I really want.

And then I ask this question in return:

“Do you, however, know anyone who had children for non-selfish reasons?”

That usually ends the conversation….

And honestly: Having a child as a solo mom takes a lot of hard work, so how selfish is it really to want to pass on your love and care to another person?

The solo mothers I have met sacrifice a lot when it comes to their own needs and their own life for the benefit of their children.

The money is often scarce, you do not have time or freedom to enjoy your own interests, and you are the only one responsible for your child 24/7.

It actually takes a very non-selfish attitude to have a child as a solo parent!

Suggestion: 

Read my e-book “Solo Mom to a Donor Child – The Decision” and get more classic comments and standard answers, great stories and tips on starting a family as a single woman

P.S.
Let’s talk it through – in the privacy of your home!
I work as a jurist, coach and therapist specialized in modern families.
If you want my help in reaching your decision, you are welcome to book a private one-on-one session with me (via Skype or phone) or join my online mentor program.

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Joy Mogensen – Minister for Culture and Religion in Denmark

I’m so excited.

Yesterday, the new Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen appointed her new government.

They are 20 ministers in total.

One of them is a 5 months pregnant single woman expecting her first child, conceived with help from a donor from a sperm bank.

Her name is Joy Mogensen.

We have a “solo mom to be” minister in Denmark now.

Yeah!

I think it is a very important signal to send to the women of Denmark, and also to the rest of the world.

Today I am proud to be Danish. 

Best regards,

Signe Fjord

Solo Mom
Jurist, coach & therapist specialized in modern families

Feeling like you are the only single woman in the world longing for a child?

You are not alone.

I promise.

If so, this book is just what you need!

Use the book as a compass to navigate in the world of opportunities, good advice, prejudice, ovulation, sperm and qualms of conscience. Find out how to face your own reactions as well as those of people around you. This book will show you how to go from thinking about it to doing something about it, helping you move closer to realizing your dream before biology makes it impossible.

Download and read: Solo Mom to a Donor Child – The Decision – get your copy today

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(I got permission to share this message to help other women)

Good evening Signe,

My name is Isa, and I live in Brussels, Belgium.

I have subscribed to your newsletter since some years now.

I read you often, and try to learn from your example, as I find myself in the same situation you have already been through.

I still did not go ahead with fulfilling my dream.

I hope I get strong enough to do it soon, as time flies and soon I turn 40.

The reason I am writing to you today, is because reading your post “The Heartache Disaster Dating….” I wanted to share with you what I have also heard, in case you would like to communicate to other to-be-moms out there that receive the same kind of bulling.

Yes, I call it bullying…

I was recently told that my plan to be a single mom is “irresponsible and egoistic”, and that “since I don’t even manage to find a man, what type of a mother I would be”.

Also, my future baby was named as “bastard”.

And, that I would be the mother of a child from a person that gave his sperm out of need of money, and therefore that man is a loser and a failure, thus my future child would be a failure too.

Depressing to the maximum point, the least to say. And very difficult to manage all this hate.

I have to work a lot on myself, let go of bitterness, from a series of failed relationships, the last one which is still somehow hanging-on, but without any commitments of a family.

Very difficult to stop searching “where did I go wrong?”

&

“why I don’t meet a proper man to share a family together?”

and stop comparing to your family and friends.

It is a journey, accepting at the end that this is life in new millennia and we cannot compare to the times of our parents.

Keeping my faith strong.

Have a lovely evening and weekend.

Isa

P.S.

I recommended Isa to read my e-book because I am sure it can help her move forward in the difficult decision making proces.

In chapter 9, from page 211 we wrote about “Reactions from Your Surroundings”. We also list a lot of nasty comments we have heard and list a range of standard answers you can use to fight off and resist being stopped in your dream by this type of harsh solo mom bullying. 

Download and read: Solo Mom to a Donor Child – The Decision – get your copy today

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Right after I had dumped my boyfriend in January 2010, because he did not want to be a father, and could not support me going solo with the help from a sperm donor, I met a great man.

A fire fighter.

He was tall, strong, hard working and everything I have dreamt about…

Oh yes,

I fell head over heels in love at first sight, again!

The problem this time, was that I wasn’t able to relax and give love time.

He had a child from a previous relationship.

My biological clock had an agenda, and was ticking loudly in the background.

This meant that things were moving too slow for me after a few months, but moving too fast for him.

Needless to say, the relationship ended.

Afterwards I also learned that he had had a steady girlfriend for the last 8 years at the same time as he was dating me.

I was absolutely heartbroken!!!!!! 

The experience made me realize that my “inner-man-radar” was completely out of order because of my biological clock and strong desire to have a child.

This heartache made me take my decision to become a solo mom more seriously and I started the fertility process.

Today when I think about this man, I thank him. I thank him for breaking my heart open, so that I could feel even deeper what was right for me.

I have no regrets, and only feel love and compassion. He was a big factor in me becoming a mom.

Perhaps the fire fighter was a true soul mate if my soul’s journey was to go solo. He gave me the biggest kick in the right direction.

Who knows?

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Haven’t you found THE man to be the father of your child yet?

And maybe you have already kissed a number of frogs that unfortunately
remained… frogs!

Please don’t worry!

A lot of the women I have spoken with have periodically had thoughts like:

“I’m not good enough”

or

“I don’t deserve love”

or

“I don’t deserve to be a mother”

or

“There must be something wrong with me since I haven’t found the right
man yet”.

I would L-O-V-E to inspire you to think beyond conventions and see new possibilities and alternatives to the well known nuclear family model.

Also I would like to support you in being true to yourself and focusing on what you want!

I just have one question for you:

Are you DONE kissing frogs?

P.S.
Let’s talk it through – in the privacy of your home!
I work as a jurist, coach and therapist specialized in modern families.
If you want my help in reaching your decision, you are welcome to book a private one-on-one session with me (via Skype or phone) or join my online mentor program.

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Yesterday my daughter and I made this piece of art at the local library.

I love being her mom. My life as a solo mom is so much better than married life was for me.

It got me thinking about this:

We live in a world of constant change and evolution.

There are no guarantees.

The fairytales that my grandmother used to read for me are far from how my reality plays out.

In fact a lot of people live happily as singles.

Not everyone wants to live happily ever after with the same partner.

People change and evolve continuously, and it is no longer guaranteed that your parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary together.

These days it is much more common with yours, mine and our children in Denmark.

So forget about the freaking fairytales and make sure YOU pursue the part of YOUR dream that is reachable now!

For more inspiration I suggest you download and read my e-book: Solo Mom to a Donor Child – The Decision – get your copy today

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“You have about 20% chance of getting pregnant with each try. But don’t be too upset if you don’t get pregnant at once”.

This was the message I got from a doctor in November 2010 when I started my insemination process.

I know he meant well and that he is probably right.

But….

I did get upset when I didn’t get pregnant at once.

I was REALLY sad….

I had just been through a long tough decision making process and had just spread my legs wide open in front a total stranger and had the sperm of an unknown man inserted into me.

It was really challenging and uncomfortable – especially the first time.

And then I didn’t even get pregnant!

What kind of joke was the Universe playing?

So I was upset!

Actually I was really, really sad.

And it was hard for me to think about trying again.

So I gave myself a timeout and went diving in Mexico.

It was a huge disappointment not getting pregnant.

It was not until I had a long talk with a midwife at a private fertility clinic that I felt emotionally understood.

The midwife asked me to look at fertility treatment as a process rather than a one time event.

It helped me move on.

She also said, “just imagine that you are a woman that has just had sex with a man. Sex with a man doesn’t always lead to a pregnancy now does it?”

But the thing that helped me most through fertility treatment was just accepting and being ok with feeling sad.

That way I could slowly, but surely, work my way up from sad to glad and find motivation to be inseminated again.

It was not always easy, but when I look at my wonderful daughter today I am so happy that I was able to lift myself and continue fertility treatment.

It took 4 inseminations for me to get pregnant.

If you are trying to get pregnant right now – then I am cheering for you from here.

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I have met a lot of single women through one-to-one sessions that are in the process of becoming pregnant with help from a doctor or midwife and sperm from a sperm bank.

I often hear that it surprises the women how emotionally hard it is.

They have just been through a difficult decision making process and decided to bring a child into the world without a father and now they find themselves on yet another emotional roller coaster.

Some women get pregnant after their first try and go into shock because it happened so quickly.

Others give up after a few tries, while others give up after many years of trying and disappointment.

Most of the women I have met go through 3-8 treatments before they get pregnant.

It takes quite a woman to go through fertility treatment solo.

I was quite lucky myself, and became pregnant after my 4th insemination at a private midwife’s clinic.

All in all my fertility treatment lasted 6 months and I experienced both ups and downs emotionally.

When I think back on that time now, I am truly happy that I went through with it and gave life to my daughter.

It is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

This is also the message I get form the 100s of solo moms that I meet.

So hang in there!

It is all worth it when you become a mother.

In my opinion “the system” is not quite geared to handle the emotional side of fertility treatment. Maybe one day when more women openly talk about the emotional challenges that follow fertility treatment the system will adjust.

Here are my best 14 tips on how to get through fertility treatment whole-heartedly as a single woman:

  1. Keep focus on your desire to have a child.
  2. Keep believing that you will get pregnant.
  3. Remember that you have a new chance at getting pregnant every time you get your period.
  4. Accept and allow all your feelings – even the painful ones.
  5. Be in your emotions – until you find your inner peace again.
  6. Remember that emotions do pass.
  7. Remember that it is a process and that getting pregnant comes easy to some and takes time for others.
  8. Save your energy and remain calm, you do not know how long the process will take.
  9. Remember that getting pregnant is a biological process that requires a number of things to be just right.
  10. Remember to enjoy life and your freedom now, because all of a sudden you will have a child to consider and take care of.
  11. Control your self-criticism and do not blame yourself or your body for anything.
  12. Have faith that it will happen when it happens..
  13. Find hope even when everything might seem hopeless.
  14. Remind yourself that some things in life are worth waiting for.

    By Signe Fjord
    Solo Mom
    Jurist, coach & therapist specialized in modern families
    HappySolomom.com – May 2019

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In 2002 I married an Australian man.

It was love at first sight!

A real life love story where we got engaged two weeks after we met and married six months later believing that it was ‘until death do us part’.

We both wanted children and planned to have four children together.

Our marriage lasted four years and we never had children.

We loved each other but did not like each other’s values and we could not make a life or a future together work.

After the divorce I moved back to Denmark.

From 2006 to 2011 I dated and had a few semi-serious relationships.

I searched and searched for the man I would have children with.

In all honesty, I was desperately seeking a new man to start a family with!

(The photo of me as a pirate is from 2007).

After kissing enough frogs, and the frogs started reminding me more of toads than frogs,

I began to realize that he might not exist.

With the help of a highly respected coach I came up with an alternative way to have my first child with the help from a sperm donor from a sperm bank.

My daughter is now 7 years old, and becoming her mom was the best decision of my life.

Suggestion: 

Read my e-book “Solo Mom to a Donor Child – The Decision” for the full story and get many great tips on starting a family as a single woman

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I once heard a radio program about the soul and its purpose before it incarnates in a human body.

It gave me a different perspective that I had to take into consideration.

‘Does my child’s soul have an agenda?

And maybe that is why I am feeling such pressure?

Maybe there are other factors than my biological clock demanding my attention?’

’Does my child-to-be have a date with school mates-to-be or a time line to invent that one little thing that guarantees clean drinking water in the developing world?’

’Imagine if there is something to it.

Then I have to listen to my signals and instructions, and defy the logic to wait for a man, or wait for the financial crisis to be over, or wait for my business to make more money.’

Thoughts like this kept coming back to me. I chose to love the resistance that I still had in me.

The more I accepted and loved my resistance, the smaller it became.

Some time ago I had also read that our souls actually choose their own parents.

Of course, it is up to you to determine whether or not you believe in the concept of a predetermined agreement between souls, but it definitely gave me something extra to think about.

An Excerpt from my book Solo Mom to a Donor Child – The Decision (eBook)  – get your own copy and read the whole story and many more like this today

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