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When it comes to sex, most people like to think that they know it all, however guess what…we don’t!

Have you ever been part of a conversation when someone used a word or made a joke and you had no clue what they were talking about? We’ve all be there!

Let’s be real, it’s so easy to get confused with so many different words or terms for “stuff” and things constantly keep changing. It’s challenging to keep up with having to communicate online, texting and “sexting”!

Good news, there’s a new book out on the shelves called: “The Cleis Press Sextionary”! I read it and let me tell you, it’s a worthy addition to your library, especially if you’re out there in the dating world!

Sextionary is about getting you “up to DATE” with some sexual terms made simple for YOU. It’s a one stop shop defining all the words that have to do with sex, your body and the relationship world!

Cheryl: “Love includes sex…this is sex and the dictionary all rolled into one. So many people out there have a problem with the terminology of sex, their sexual life and it kind of works into our dating and relationship world…how did you decide to come up with this book?”

Timothy: “There was no dictionary for sex so we hired two researchers…researched all the terms and we put it all together…and we tried to make it as fun, in depth and as educational as possible.”

Cheryl: “Do you find in your own relationship world, all these acronyms and new words kind of get mixed up in translation when you’re communicating with people?”

Marianne: “I find texting with younger people very educational…I often have to google that, the urban dictionary is your friend and now I’m glad that we have another dictionary to look at…a lot of younger people are texting stuff, we have no idea what they are saying…I have dated younger people but I have a lot of young friends, some non sexual stuff, we have no idea what they’re saying…”

Many different terms are affecting communication in regards to our love life . Can we define some, never mind all of the ever changing lingo, acronyms and innuendo? I gathered a few people around the table from two different generations to see if they could decipher some of the code or catch phrases as defined in this revolutionary sexually driven dictionary .

Timothy: “Everything is always relevant when it comes to sex, for ex: what does easy mean… something as a simple text message saying she’s easy, the question is what does that question of easy mean and  over text message. It’s not that clear cause it can mean a different thing…with this book, it’s laid out clear, this is exactly what it means, so you don’t have to use google, you don’t have to use the urban dictionary, you can use the sextionary.”

It’s easy for words to get lost in translation in the dating world. Online communication is challenging to say the least, add to that all these terms that apply to our love/sexual life. There is nothing wrong with being clueless, all you have to do is ask, don’t be shy and never make assumptions. Dating should be fun and playful! If you come across a kinky term and find out its meaning, you may even be curious to explore!

Jason: “There’s a lot of terms that are coming now that people have no clue what they’re saying, so be honest, say I have no clue what that is and go on from there…For example as far as easy…the word has a negative connotation…like it might come quicker, the sex…that’s how I see it…”

Remember, words matter! In a recent survey done by Match.com, there are certain key words like “love” & “fun” that both genders are attracted to. This study also showed women are more likely to click onto profiles that include the word “caring” while men zone in on “easy”. While this may be hair raising for some lets hope the inference is more towards “easy-going” instead of ASSUMING  the derogatory counterpart.

Cheryl: “Men are attracted to the word easy…there’s other ways for saying that I’m easy or that I sleep around…”

Timothy: “Yeah, like I’m a whore, I like to get it on, for those who are married, I like to swing, there are a million sex terms for that…”

Cheryl: “How long did it take to write this book”?

Timothy: “About a year and a half…”

What better way to spice up a conversation while testing the need for a Sextionary than to ask my two guests if they could figure out some of the definitions, a version of an pseudo adult spelling bee.

Cheryl: “So imagine you’re out on a date and somebody says to you, so you ever think of going around the world?”

Marianne: “I’m gonna guess that around the world is all of the stuff and that’s probably more than the stuff that I’m aware of…if someone asked me that…I would asked them to bullet list it for me…when they bring me on a date, I wanna see the check boxes…”

Timothy: “The first one is a term for intercourse that utilizes several different sexual positions before completion; the other definition is the sexual act of kissing, licking or otherwise orally stimulating a partner’s entire body prior to giving oral sex…”

Cheryl: “The whole point of this is to realize that sometimes people can say things to you and they’re not saying what you think they’re saying…”

Cheryl: “BBW…What is that?”

Jason: “Big, beautiful, women”

Cheryl: “Cartwheel position?

Marianne: “I think it involves a hand stand and some penetration…am I close?

Timothy: “I’ll give you that one…”

This next one was a term that I believe everyone should know and safeguard themselves by asking the uncomfortable yet necessary questions when deciding to be intimate and always, always use protection.

Cheryl: “DDF… is Drug and disease free…and it’s commonly used on dating and sex finding apps and websites and personal listings…”

Timothy: “One of my favorites…Do you guys know what vominatrics?”

Jason: “I’m gonna take a wild guess…when people like to be vomited on…”

Cheryl: “What about Devil’s threesome?

Marianne: “That’s when your wife and your mistress find out that they’re having a threesome at the same time…”

Jason:  “If you have a threesome with your wife or your ex-wife!”

Timothy: “I’m gonna give it to Marianne…”

If we refer to the actual  definition of The Devils threesome according to Sextionary this triangle is comprised of  two men and one woman. I wonder if it gets its title from some woman long ago declaring the “DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!”

These are just a few examples what you can learn from this all-inclusive educational yet entertaining 240 pages dictionary about sex. The intention is that you understand the true definition of any sexual act, term  or intimate situation you may encounter or participate in. Now, what you don’t know is at your fingertips, just  look it up! Its as easy as…ABC!

There are many things that you can do to keep your sex life flowing and on track. Your sexual well-being goes hand in hand with your overall mental, physical, and emotional health

Even in the best relationship, sex can become “dull” after a number of years. With a little bit of imagination, you can rekindle the spark. Exploring different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking, but can also help weather some problems. Why not try? Experiment with new positions and activities. Try sex toys and sexy lingerie if you’ve never tried before.

Maybe you’ve never thought of having sex in a secluded spot or in different positions; now might be the time to explore your options. Just the feeling of naughtiness can add spice to your love life!

The most important tool you have at your disposal is your attitude about sexuality. Armed with good information, communication and a positive outlook, the world is your OYSTER (pun intended) and we all know what that means…a healthy happy sex life for many years to come.

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). When it comes to LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS I am always here to keep you “up to date” .

Cheryl xo

 

 

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I recently interviewed Korine Hazan; author of a book called “Stop Love is no poker game”. This book sums up different life stories, antidotes about love and relationships, each chapter ending with a synopsis.

It’s meant to be read fast without necessarily having to follow the sequencing as each story will resonate differently to each reader. I related to parts of it and I bet so will you!

Cheryl: “This book is based on your life experiences, things that have happened, things that you have witnessed happening in relationships and wanted to give people little bites that they could savor and learn from and move forward with…”

Korine:  “We all find our self somewhere in the book…try to have some kind of an awakening…why we are that way? What could we do? How could we have better relationships? It’s the base…that’s where everything starts…”

Cheryl: “People think because somebody loves them, we should love them back…we could say certain things that can make the connection better, if we know what we want in relationships, if we know our standards, if we know our boundaries and we put it out there for the other person, to allow them the opportunity to respond to our needs…”

Communication is the most important element in building the foundation for a successful relationship. You have to ask questions and avoid making assumptions. You have to know your lifestyle, values and goals and be able to communicate with the person that you’re with or getting to know. The way we express ourselves, our needs to the other person makes a huge difference in the quality of our connection, allowing space for a more balanced true and deepened love for one another.

Cheryl: “In the coaching world, one of the things that I stand behind…there are three elements to our behavior, in regards to somebody else and that’s rejection, acceptance and tolerance…you can reject what the other person is doing…meaning that doesn’t work for me…you can also accept certain things that are not going to be the way you want but you accept that because you love the person… but tolerance, when you tolerate something it’s the beginning of the end…and that’s being silent that’s thinking things and not putting it out there to either accept or reject…”

Korine: “We don’t say, we don’t speak…he loves us ok well maybe I should love him back…we are all responsible for the outcome of our action or non action…”

One of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves. We have to love our self first, own and accept who we are as individuals and know what we need (not want) before getting into a relationship. The result of discovering true self is that all relationships whether community, friends, family, work or with your beloved will be happier and healthier and for the long term.

Korinne: “Why do we have to apologize for who we are, what we need, what we want…it’s not fair to ourselves or to the other person to keep quiet…You are allowed to be who you are and that’s honoring yourself but honoring the other person at the same time…”

Cheryl: “Nobody can know what you want unless you tell them what you want…”

Love and relationships are not black and white, perfect lives and people don’t exist. We are ALL different beings and in charge of our own life and happiness. You can create a happy life based on positive influences and the people that you choose to surround yourself with. Life can be challenging so it all comes straight down to your attitude and your mindset.

Cheryl: “We can teach that intention to ourselves…lot of people say Cheryl, you always seem happy… no I’m always positive… everybody has bad days, everybody has hard issues…”

Korine: “I know a young man that has had a life that he planned because somebody taught him to have that intention…”

Cheryl: “We didn’t grow up with all these dating apps and social media… it’s proven to be a huge challenge…”

Technology has changed our lives and relationship world in major ways. With social media, there’s that pressure for people to think or feel that life has to be great, that things have to look beautiful and that other people’s lives are happier than ours.

We all know that’s NON SENSE! Life is NOT blue sunny skies each day. What we see is often that “picture perfect life” that we crave at times. So if you’re not feeling your best each day, don’t worry we all have crappy days, months and all that matters is your attitude in dealing with YOUR life the best way that you can. Don’t get side tracked by what you see on social media. Focus on your own path and keep investing in yourself and in those that invest in you.

Cheryl: “Do you think that times have changed since your mom was your age, when it comes to an actual part of a relationship?”

Mikayla: “Definitely because social media is a big factor in people’s lives in my generation…meeting people my age it’s through Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat…”

Cheryl: “The way you’re meeting people is different, but also the way you’re communicating is different that is what is stopping a lot of younger people from finding a relationship…because you don’t know how to communicate with each other…”

Mikayla: “I was in a relationship, we were together for 2 and half years…I knew what I wanted ….I’m more of a person that wants something serious …the guys in my generation are not ready for long term things, I don’t wanna waste my time, so I’d rather work on myself and focus on loving myself, I don’t wanna depend on a guy…”

People want to be in love; that hasn’t changed but times have changed and technology has made things challenging as we live in a fast paced “dating world” with all the online apps at our finger tips.

Everything is a click away. Communication is tough through online exchanges and texting. It’s so easy to misunderstand and most people don’t know how to communicate anymore. That’s one of the biggest road blocks nowadays. How do you get your point across? How do you go about dating successfully in today’s modern world when looking for a serious relationship?

Cheryl: “Do you wish you could turn back the clock? Be dating now and the way technology is now and all the things that influence our dating world?”

Korine: “I would position myself differently …the way it was when I was a young woman is very different to the way it is today for young women…same thing for men…they have access to things that we didn’t…”

Cheryl: “Would you sometimes wish you wouldn’t have all the technology at your fingertips?

Mikayla: “I think it makes things easier…Meeting people…it allows us to feel connected but we’re really disconnected because when we’re together, we’re all on our phones…”

Dating behaviors differ drastically between the ages and generations. Younger singles are more prone to friend their date on Facebook, Instagram or any social media platform they’re on. They communicate by text after a date and are more evasive about their availability if they’re not interested in a second date. The more mature singles are more cautious when it comes to dating in the digital era and reserved on how much they put out there.

No matter what, we all have to adjust to these changes and the most important thing to learn and master is how to communicate and nurture our relationships.

If you’re already in a relationship, continue “dating” your partner forever to keep things fresh in every aspect to continue growing together. If you’re single, make sure you know your worth, your lifestyle, values and goals before getting involved. Make a small list of the top three most important standards/boundaries that you can’t compromise on. Put your best self out there, be positive and go out there and enjoy life which includes making dating fun, not a chore! Take risks and keep your mind and heart open.

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you “up to date”.

Cheryl xo

 

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When it comes to sex, most people like to think that they know it all, however guess what…we don’t!

Have you ever been part of a conversation when someone used a word or made a joke and you had no clue what they were talking about? We’ve all be there!

Let’s be real, it’s so easy to get confused with so many different words or terms for “stuff” and things constantly keep changing. It’s challenging to keep up with having to communicate online, texting and “sexting”!

Good news, there’s a new book out on the shelves called: “The Cleis Press Sextionary”! I read it and let me tell you, it’s a worthy addition to your library, especially if you’re out there in the dating world!

Sextionary is about getting you “up to DATE” with some sexual terms made simple for YOU. It’s a one stop shop defining all the words that have to do with sex, your body and the relationship world!

Cheryl: “Love includes sex…this is sex and the dictionary all rolled into one. So many people out there have a problem with the terminology of sex, their sexual life and it kind of works into our dating and relationship world…how did you decide to come up with this book?”

Timothy: “There was no dictionary for sex so we hired two researchers…researched all the terms and we put it all together…and we tried to make it as fun, in depth and as educational as possible.”

Cheryl: “Do you find in your own relationship world, all these acronyms and new words kind of get mixed up in translation when you’re communicating with people?”

Marianne: “I find texting with younger people very educational…I often have to google that, the urban dictionary is your friend and now I’m glad that we have another dictionary to look at…a lot of younger people are texting stuff, we have no idea what they are saying…I have dated younger people but I have a lot of young friends, some non sexual stuff, we have no idea what they’re saying…”

Many different terms are affecting communication in regards to our love life . Can we define some, never mind all of the ever changing lingo, acronyms and innuendo? I gathered a few people around the table from two different generations to see if they could decipher some of the code or catch phrases as defined in this revolutionary sexually driven dictionary .

Timothy: “Everything is always relevant when it comes to sex, for ex: what does easy mean… something as a simple text message saying she’s easy, the question is what does that question of easy mean and  over text message. It’s not that clear cause it can mean a different thing…with this book, it’s laid out clear, this is exactly what it means, so you don’t have to use google, you don’t have to use the urban dictionary, you can use the sextionary.”

It’s easy for words to get lost in translation in the dating world. Online communication is challenging to say the least, add to that all these terms that apply to our love/sexual life. There is nothing wrong with being clueless, all you have to do is ask, don’t be shy and never make assumptions. Dating should be fun and playful! If you come across a kinky term and find out its meaning, you may even be curious to explore!

Jason: “There’s a lot of terms that are coming now that people have no clue what they’re saying, so be honest, say I have no clue what that is and go on from there…For example as far as easy…the word has a negative connotation…like it might come quicker, the sex…that’s how I see it…”

Remember, words matter! In a recent survey done by Match.com, there are certain key words like “love” & “fun” that both genders are attracted to. This study also showed women are more likely to click onto profiles that include the word “caring” while men zone in on “easy”. While this may be hair raising for some lets hope the inference is more towards “easy-going” instead of ASSUMING  the derogatory counterpart.

Cheryl: “Men are attracted to the word easy…there’s other ways for saying that I’m easy or that I sleep around…”

Timothy: “Yeah, like I’m a whore, I like to get it on, for those who are married, I like to swing, there are a million sex terms for that…”

Cheryl: “How long did it take to write this book”?

Timothy: “About a year and a half…”

What better way to spice up a conversation while testing the need for a Sextionary than to ask my two guests if they could figure out some of the definitions, a version of an pseudo adult spelling bee.

Cheryl: “So imagine you’re out on a date and somebody says to you, so you ever think of going around the world?”

Marianne: “I’m gonna guess that around the world is all of the stuff and that’s probably more than the stuff that I’m aware of…if someone asked me that…I would asked them to bullet list it for me…when they bring me on a date, I wanna see the check boxes…”

Timothy: “The first one is a term for intercourse that utilizes several different sexual positions before completion; the other definition is the sexual act of kissing, licking or otherwise orally stimulating a partner’s entire body prior to giving oral sex…”

Cheryl: “The whole point of this is to realize that sometimes people can say things to you and they’re not saying what you think they’re saying…”

Cheryl: “BBW…What is that?”

Jason: “Big, beautiful, women”

Cheryl: “Cartwheel position?

Marianne: “I think it involves a hand stand and some penetration…am I close?

Timothy: “I’ll give you that one…”

This next one was a term that I believe everyone should know and safeguard themselves by asking the uncomfortable yet necessary questions when deciding to be intimate and always, always use protection.

Cheryl: “DDF… is Drug and disease free…and it’s commonly used on dating and sex finding apps and websites and personal listings…”

Timothy: “One of my favorites…Do you guys know what vominatrics?”

Jason: “I’m gonna take a wild guess…when people like to be vomited on…”

Cheryl: “What about Devil’s threesome?

Marianne: “That’s when your wife and your mistress find out that they’re having a threesome at the same time…”

Jason:  “If you have a threesome with your wife or your ex-wife!”

Timothy: “I’m gonna give it to Marianne…”

If we refer to the actual  definition of The Devils threesome according to Sextionary this triangle is comprised of  two men and one woman. I wonder if it gets its title from some woman long ago declaring the “DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!”

These are just a few examples what you can learn from this all-inclusive educational yet entertaining 240 pages dictionary about sex. The intention is that you understand the true definition of any sexual act, term  or intimate situation you may encounter or participate in. Now, what you don’t know is at your fingertips, just  look it up! Its as easy as…ABC!

There are many things that you can do to keep your sex life flowing and on track. Your sexual well-being goes hand in hand with your overall mental, physical, and emotional health

Even in the best relationship, sex can become “dull” after a number of years. With a little bit of imagination, you can rekindle the spark. Exploring different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking, but can also help weather some problems. Why not try? Experiment with new positions and activities. Try sex toys and sexy lingerie if you’ve never tried before.

Maybe you’ve never thought of having sex in a secluded spot or in different positions; now might be the time to explore your options. Just the feeling of naughtiness can add spice to your love life!

The most important tool you have at your disposal is your attitude about sexuality. Armed with good information, communication and a positive outlook, the world is your OYSTER (pun intended) and we all know what that means…a healthy happy sex life for many years to come.

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). When it comes to LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS I am always here to keep you “up to date” .

Cheryl xo

 

 

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Have you ever come home from yet another dreadful date, feeling exhausted and exasperated that you just wasted two hours of you precious time that could have been spent with your dog? Have you lost faith in finding someone compatible resigning yourself to being single forever? Have you wanted to give up on dating? Well rest assured; you’re NOT alone!

STEP 1: Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs: It’s so normal to get frustrated after numerous “bad dates”, breakups or divorce.  We often ask: is it me? Is it them? What’s going on? Why can’t I meet someone that sticks around or wants the same things that I do? The emotional connection to these questions has caused people to build walls to protect their hearts from getting hurt.

Cheryl: “Everything that we’ve experienced teaches us something, we can look at it as something that we regret but if you change that mindset which is number one…it becomes a positive, it becomes a lesson learned and not something we regret, so first step is limiting beliefs and the alignment of how they have to come together…”

Alexis Meads.

Alexis: “Every experience that I’ve gone through has brought me to where I am today and I’m happy of where I am…When I talk about limiting beliefs it’s that we’ve had so many times where we’ve heard things over and over again…or that we’ve seen evidence of, then we start taking that evidence as truth…and as we form these beliefs, we start having certain feelings associated with them, from these feeling, we’re gonna take certain actions…because I was open…I met my husband within a few short months…”

Most people perceive relationships that have ended as failure instead of lessons to better ourselves and future relationships.

Cheryl: “Our beliefs are put into action, if we believe there are no good men out there; we stay home, so why go out? So the belief becomes action and the action stops results… How can you have a different result if your mindset is not in line with where you want to be? You have to align your mindset to the result you actually want.”

Alexis: “You will continue getting the same result if you don’t change that initial belief first…what we often don’t see is that we can flip those around…”

“Love your life and your love life will happen” -Cheryl-

The key to limited beliefs is to break that pattern which will ultimately stop creating road blocks.  Take this necessary first step to progress towards your happier life.

STEP 2: Lose the Baggage: If you have had bad experiences in the past, don’t let those define your current or future relationships. Stop assuming or jumping to the conclusion that everyone is like your ex. History does not have to repeat itself and won’t if you learn lessons instead of dragging the “EX”cess weight of your past along!

Cheryl: “I don’t like to talk about baggage, I like to talk about history, because to me baggage is something really heavy, something you drag around…It’s about transforming our past relationships into the positive…”

Alexis: “It’s only baggage when we allow it to hold us back…if you look at it as history; you look at it as it has taught you lessons…You can rewrite your own story…many of us have been through relationships, through heart breaks and it’s the meaning that you’re going to choose to give it, that’s going to create the next experience in the relationship that you’re going to have…”

Step 3: Meeting new People: Stop thinking Oh, there are no good men or women out there, that they are all taken, I’m done, why would I even bother, I won’t meet anyone anyway. That kind of thought will lead only to your couch, alone, with a pint of ice cream like Bridgett Jones and is that where you want to be? A positive mindset will not only help you in your love life, but also benefit your everyday life. You have one life to live, make sure it is the one you want, need and deserve and step out start living that life NOW!

Cheryl: “I try to eliminate the word TRY…You’re not going to try to do something or meet someone, you are going to DO…it’s like the NIKE commercial, JUST DO IT…you have to talk the talk to walk the walk…”

Whether you meet someone online, at the corner store or decide to use a matchmaker to reach your relationship goal, it ALL comes down to your mindset and getting OUT. You have to be in the right stage of your life, be open to meeting people and put yourself out there 100 percent. Most importantly, you have to know your lifestyle, values and goals so that you can align yourself with the right of person. Go where the person you desire hangs out. Lastly, don’t be ashamed to tell friends, family and coworkers that you would like to meet someone and to keep you in mind.

 Alexis: “I hear a lot of complaints about online dating, it’s one way to do it and it can be effective but it’s not the only way…what’s happening with these apps like bumble tinder…is that they’re taking away from some of the traditional dating values…that behind the scenes men and women are wanting, needing…where to meet people? I’d like for you to think about what your interests are, for example if you wanna meet a guy…who likes to travels, likes the outdoors, you have to put yourself in some of those spaces or those situations that he may be hanging…”

If your goal is to meet someone, then you have to believe that YOU CAN and that leads to YOU WILL. You have to have the right attitude, be ready, willing and open to that and have a fresh outlook. You have to be determined and trust that there is someone compatible out there for you. If you change your mindset and the way you define frustration and failure, you will allow yourself to reshape your beliefs and approach towards relationships. Remember likes attract likes!

As your “love optometrist” wink…I suggest that you adjust your “love glasses” to gain clarity so that you can focus on the good. Love is choosing to see and cultivate the good in you as well in another person, rather than accentuating the bad. Love and own who you are as a person and push past your frustrations in life and keep learning as you will cross the finish live. Never give up as if you love your life, your love life will happen!

If you need any dating advice or my support, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes and “up to date “in your love life. With all the dating sites, apps and social media available in today’s dating world, it has become overwhelming and quite challenging as to how to go about dating

Cheryl xo

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There are many different ways to meet people in today’s “modern dating” world and it’s almost overwhelming. We have all kinds of dating sites and apps and with all the social media platforms accessible at a click of a button; it has truly become challenging to meet someone for those looking for a serious relationship.

With online dating, many post fake profiles just to attract people to them and eventually when they decide to meet up, one person ends up disappointed realizing that the person they’ve been exchanging with in the virtual world seemed a lot more appealing; results? A dead end with an empty feeling for being misled.

Cheryl: “People don’t know what to put out there on that first date…also I often hear well they lied to me about this or that…”

Anyone can register on the online dating websites so for the most part, there’s no screening or “checking boxes” for authenticity. Some websites do require some kind of verification but most often, the authentication techniques are weak, therefore anyone can easily be accepted.

Cheryl: “The best thing is to get to a Skype to avoid the Pinocchio syndrome…exactly know who it is that you’re meeting…”

Many people don’t know or realize that another option is available. A matchmaker service is able to satisfy the customer in ways an online dating company never could. The main difference is in the system itself. Well, think about it, an online dating service is a computer generated software system with no human interaction involved in the process. However, with a matchmaker, you work one on one with a real person to help you find your “match”. There is no algorithm in existence that can replace due diligence, intuition and human communication.

Joan: “As a matchmaker, we want to know who you are, how you live, what’s important to you, and to bring these people to you, put them on your path so you can actually meet them.

Matchmaker services are designed to help support you find the right person by avoiding detours and false information as well as defining your lifestyle, values and Goals. They also help clients overcome limiting beliefs as to the possibility of finding Mr or Mrs Right while aligning expectations of the right person when you have that specific goal in mind; finding your “love mate”.

A matchmaker service does a complete background check of all their clients before working with them, which eliminates the surprise factor.

Joan: “It’s fun to bring these people together where their paths wouldn’t have crossed…that’s where a matchmaker plays a very important role…technology and social media does not help bring people together, in fact it does the opposite so the matchmaker comes in, we get to know people, we introduce people to other people we know, our work is sort of old fashioned, traditional and it works…”

It’s an investment for clients involved and dating is taken way more seriously in this case as there are fees attached to using a matchmaking service. So the client will be there for the right reasons, to find a person to enter into a committed relationship.

Joan: “ You have to talk face to face, no texting no emails, texting is the best way to miss communicate your feelings, especially online dating where people text for weeks before meeting…it’s a non starter from the beginning…we believe strongly for people to meet face to face.”

For all those who have trouble carrying long term relationships or have simply been out of the loop in the dating pool, matchmaking could be the perfect vehicle to finding love. Matchmakers can also give you coaching sessions to bring you “up to date” in the dating world that has changed tremendously, especially now with all the online interactions, the emails and the texting.

Matchmakers and relationship coaches can guide you in taking your time while getting to know the other person instead of rushing or exposing too much at once.  They can give you dating tips and tools that will help ease your dating life. It’s all in the communication which is key!!

Cheryl and Joan Paiement from Intermezzo Montreal.

Joan: “I think that on a first date, you shouldn’t get into past relationships, you should be talking about yourself, getting to know the other person… keeping it light, that’s the advice we would give… also if I’m out on a date I wouldn’t wanna know who he went out with last week, it would shut me down…”

Joan: “We as matchmakers have a lot of problems dealing with the exit strategy. Often if someone’s not interested, they’ll say, you know I’m not really ready for a relationship and the other person will say why you introduced me to somebody who’s not serious, not looking for a relationship which is not the case…”

Cheryl: “That forty five minute date rule that you and I both attest to, eliminates having to lie and make up an excuse, it gives you a fine amount of time to be together and then you can leave at the end of that because it’s been defined that you’re going to. ”

Joan: “When you arrive to meet somebody and you have that first second where you decide okay this is good or this is not good, from that point on, you have a decision to make; you’re either gonna say okay I’m gonna stick this out for forty five minutes or you can also order a beer or some wine and see where this can go …and you could be pleasantly surprised. Even if you’re having the best forty five minutes of your life, keep it at forty five minutes and then look forward to the next meeting and stick to that rule, it works…”

Joan: “The matchmaker is really 100% dedicated to finding the right person for you even if it’s not a person they like, it makes no difference, what a matchmaker is looking for in a match, are three fundamental things: chemistry is not negotiable, it has to be there, values and compatible lifestyles…”

Cheryl: “Everything about life is mindset, you can choose to walk into a room and decide I’m gonna have an awful time, chances are you will…but it’s your positive attitude that’s gonna make a difference. People think that matchmaking is easy…it’s not, there’s a lot of strategy that goes into it, a lot of work, a lot of recruitment and vetting that goes into matchmaking…”

No matter what means you are comfortable using to meet that special someone, you have to make sure of what it is that you’re looking for in a relationship. It is important to know who you are and be crystal clear on your lifestyle, values and goals. That is a great start on your path to finding your “love mate”. Remember love your life and your love life will happen. Be open, get started and put yourself out there!

If you need any dating advice, matchmaking service or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656).

Cheryl xo

 

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Does the desire to have sex diminish with age or is it a side effect of our physical changes?

Sexual health is important at any age as the desire for intimacy is timeless. Feeling sexy inside out, whether we are  in a long term relationship or still looking for that special partner is a critical part of our self confidence.

Sex may not be the same as it was in our 20s (many think we get better) however, for some individuals the effects of aging brings forth certain physical challenge like erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness caused by menopause.

Cheryl: “For some women, menopause has kicked in and they have certain physical challenges… These things can really stop us from living the kind of relationship that we want…that we deserve, so there are things out there that can help us…”

As women, our estrogen levels decrease when we approach menopause which leads to vaginal dryness and slower sexual arousal. Emotional stress can also change our sexual appetite. Changes in body shape and size due to natural aging and having children can trigger one to feel less desirable sexually. As women, we love to feel attractive and sexy at any age. Fear not, that biological clock does not have to stop you from wanting to look and feel your best!

As for men, testosterone plays an important role in their sexual experience. As men age, erectile dysfunctions become more common; it takes longer for the penis to erect and there’s also a loss of firmness. So overall, it may take longer to achieve all the sexual experiences that were once flowing, on point and on track.

Dr. Steinberg: “The men and women don’t see the problem, they just think oh, I’m just aging so they neglect it and put if off…it tends to become a much bigger problem…this doesn’t have to be ignored and can be treated…”

Let’s not kid ourselves, as we get older, gravity takes its toll on both sexes. As we can’t help aging, can we find ways to turn back the clock to keep our sex lives alive and full of passion?

The answer is YES! Thanks to modern day science and technology there are ways to adapt to our body’s changes and keep feeling full of life in every way!!! Wink…It’s just a matter of knowing what our options are.

Sibel, Dr.Steinberg, Cheryl, Roee, Christine, Ramona.

Dr. Steinberg: “We created the elnasexualwellness.com center to deal with all of that, we brought in a sex therapist, we looked at all the recent research and technology that’s been out there…beyond just the “blue pill”, we gathered the best of it, we put together a great team…so now for men, we have brought in 2 newest techniques: one is PRP and the other one is the ultra sonic waves of the penis… It’s an easy procedure, series of six to twelve treatments and causes re growth of the blood vessels…we have started to see great results…”

Roee: “I think the feeling of being inadequate, the anxiety that it can create in a relationship, in an existing one or a new one can be extreme…for both men and woman and we have seen a lot of that change with these new treatments and just listening to these patients and making sure that we’re actually addressing the real issues…we try to create a safe environment for people to discuss that…”

When men and women start experiencing these major internal and external changes it affects their sex life, confidence level and ultimately feelings about one self. Thankfully, such treatments exist which can help not only reignite your own fire but also throw some sparks into your relationship, adding major fuel to your love life.

Roee: “We have the Diva treatment for woman…which is internal…like a laser treatment for the face but for the inside of the vagina, it creates a younger, rejuvenated environment …creates more wetness…less pain during sex…all the collagen, the tightened skin, the circulation is also much better…it’s a much healthier, younger vaginal wall…this happens with a lot of women in their 30’s not just women in their 50’s…we have solutions…”

Cheryl: “It’s that confidence level that gets depleted and stops us from moving ahead…”

Dr Steinberg: “If your mind starts to wonder…it becomes a vicious cycle… the mind is a terrible killer of the sexual move for sure…these treatments bring back the tissue to healthier days…we’re trying to get people back to how things were ten or twenty years ago…”

Roee: “The treatment is not painful… patients feel sexier…it’s life changing treatments…we’ve had patients that haven’t had sex…in five years and longer and suddenly it changes everything and the fear is gone…it changes their outlook…”

Christine: “I did the treatment…It’s a laser, there was nothing negative about it, and for me it was quite painless.  I’m all about rejuvenation…when I heard that it could bring me back to how I used to be as far as lubrication to my early 20’s, that was an amazing thought…and it did… my body was changing …if I can help bring back what I had before my children, I wanna be the best that I can be…”

There are different types of treatments to help us feel youthful. As much as confidence truly starts from within and it’s important to love and accept who we are as individuals, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to maintain looking our best at any age. It’s important to do whatever makes us feel good about ourselves and give us a boost when we need it!

Cheryl: “We need to feel confident in our lives, with our partners or the partners that we hope to attract… I encourage people to do things that make them feel better…and I actually feel better…”

Sibel: “To eliminate localized body fat, we can work any part of the body…lipocavitation is a new technology and the machine that I’m using is the best that we can find in the world, giving the best results…from Italy… one of the most expensive machines…it doesn’t hurt any organs….every session you lose one centimeter…for those who can’t get rid of stubborn fat…they get results …I feel like a magician…I make people happy …we work from the face to the toes… tightening, lifting…without surgery, it’s non evasive, without surgery…no pain, no scars…”

Cheryl: “My body changed and I’m a thin woman…I went in, laid down, it was painless and five sessions later, I had five centimeters that had changed in my body.”

Luckily with modern technology, we have access to all kinds of information. So do your homework, see what your needs are, consult a specialist that can guide you. Also, make sure that whatever you do to your body is to please yourself and no one else. These treatments are your gift to YOU! Your partner will be a benefactor as a result. LOVE yourself first and your true reflection in the mirror!

 If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes, “up to date” and feeling like you can be sexy at any age!

Cheryl xo

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Do successful and career-oriented women have trouble dating, finding love or making relationships last? Is it true that they tend to intimidate men?

 “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…and never let him forget he’s a man”

https://youtu.be/_Q0P94wyBYk

Successful women flex their masculine side when having to be directional, assertive, analytical, or negotiate and use their feminine side when needed to be open, yielding, receptive, nurturing and warm.

Cheryl: “A lot of women who are successful in business think that they have to be like that at all times and the fact is they also forget that they can carry their femininity into the workplace …it’s not a negative, it’s a positive, blending the two in both worlds is really where your strength comes from.”

To play in the sandbox of the business world, which was at some point dominated by men, fostering this masculine edge is necessary to be effective, earn respect, and push through the challenges of being a woman in a “man’s world”. But it can become problematic for your love life if there is too much of an imbalance and if you’re incapable of leaving the “boss girl” attitude at work.

Caroline: “The biggest mistake I think for a woman is to behave like a man in the workplace, I mean yes you need to be strong and sometimes make difficult decisions, you need to be assertive, you need to be self confident but then there are so many objectives that are so typically feminine that actually allow us to go a step beyond, like for instance empathy, having a democratic leadership…I think we’re more progressive on certain levels…”

Dan: “Men would love to describe themselves as successful but not necessarily loving and caring…”

Rucsandra: “Women want to be loved…we have to be tough and sometimes we have to be like a man…because that’s the world we are living in, you are leading people and you have to be tough and be powerful, but then you go home and you have to be loving, soft, caring and nice…”

Caroline, Cheryl, Dan, Rucsandra.

At times, women who are very accomplished tend to have very high expectations in a mate; perhaps a little unrealistic. In general, it’s challenging to find someone who fits the desired “relationship shoe” and who seems perfect for you as there’s a difference between dating and being in a relationship.

Cheryl: “Women  are  having a hard time finding a datable man…they wanna find a man who’s on the same financial level or professional success or above …so they’re gonna have to make choices…”

Caroline: “I’ve had men in my life who were not that educated or that successful, but were so supportive that first of all they were grounding me and second they were allowing me to do what I had to do…”

Successful women may have a smaller dating pool because they won’t necessarily “date down” financially like many men are willing to do. Remember, instinctively men are providers and protectors so if they meet a woman and fall in love, making up the difference in financial capabilities and responsibilities sometimes is a natural instinct so that they can live the lifestyle they desire and work hard for. We see way more men dating women who don’t have big careers or job titles than the other way around. What the men are actually seeking is a strong minded, independent woman who will be supportive, nurturing and nice.

Caroline: “I think the minute that I feel…that a man thinks that he’s in competition with me, I know that it’s not gonna work out, because then they start calculating, instead of being proud of you and happy for you…they’re frustrated…dating is one thing…with relationships, other ingredients come into it…it gets complicated…sometimes you’re interested in a fun, loving, sweet guy but the type of trips you take, he can’t afford…so what do you make of this…”

Rucsandra: “It depends what type of relationship you are looking for, if you’re looking for a day out, fun or what they call friends with benefits…you can pay for it…if you look for a relationship… the ego of a man is very sensitive, the fact that you support him, that you pay for him, it makes him feel bad and eventually it will diminish the relationship…definitely…that’s how I perceive it…”

Dan: “I see a woman…think she’d be fun to go have dinner with…but then one day she’ll say hey let’s fly off to Mexico, I’ve got reservations at a five star resort…and then I’ll say ok… who’s paying…and maybe say I can’t go…”

Cheryl: “I think that in a relationship, whether somebody is a professional or on the same financial level, how you balance that out and how you encourage each other to be bigger and stronger is what counts and whatever that means to you…”

Does success in one’s career change the way we act in love and relationships? Balancing work and relationships can be quite challenging and stressful as a woman when trying to juggle motherhood, family life and work all at once. Do women have the same level of success because they are generally more organized and able to handle more on their plates?

Rucsandra: “Unfortunately lots of men think that successful women are not loving and caring…they think successful women come home, they have an army of maids giving orders… …it’s not true…lots of successful women come home cook, take care of their house, take care of the children, have maybe a pet, they love their husband if they have one and if they don’t love their kids, their friends…”

At the end of the day, regardless of your gender, if you bring your work and stress at home, it can be detrimental to your relationship. As a woman, if you’re unable to switch off from work, you won’t be able to communicate your gentle and feminine side to your family. So it’s important to apply the same skill set that makes for a successful career to your relationship.

You would be surprised to know that men aren’t after all your accomplishments or job title if you are a powerful career woman. They look to find someone to love and who will love them back. Men will get emotionally attracted to a woman when they notice something unique about their personality, that special something that stands out beyond the looks. That is when a man will consider having a serious committed relationship and vice versa, for the woman who’s busy closing deals and hopping on planes. Safety and security are triggers for men to love.

Rucsandra: “I believe in destiny a lot, I believe that there is somebody there for you eventually…if that person comes up, you adjust your schedule, you adjust your goal and you make it happen because you feel that that’s your match and I can’t lose that opportunity because I don’t know when that’s gonna happen next time… of course I would like to have somebody who lives a nice lifestyle but that’s not a condition…”

Cheryl: “It’s about your values, lifestyle and goals, ultimately it’s about where you want to end up…. where you want to be…we’re supposed to let the people that are in our lives know that we’re going to care for them and attend to their needs…it means that you want to make them happy…the best thing about seeing somebody smile is knowing that you help put the smile on their face…”

Personality is so important when looking for a relationship, both for men and women. When you’re creating pleasant moments or investing in someone, you shouldn’t let your career cloud your love life. People care about how you make them feel when they are with you, how you add value to their life and how you nurture the relationship. Being successful in a career and a relationship is definitely a great balance and accomplishment.

You don’t need to downplay your success to find a good partner as life is about keeping a balance. Priorities; do not to focus too much on money and see what can develop between you and the person you’re investing your time in without a price tag hanging over your heads.

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes and “up to date”.

Cheryl xo

 

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Times have changed and so have our perceptions about relationships. Social networks and all the dating sites may still have their share of players or heart breakers, but there are a lot of nice men and women out there looking for genuine relationships.

When it comes to the behavior of men and women in relationships, everyone has an opinion and usually, it’s about how the sexes are different. Often, they’re more alike than we think, and our common assumptions are wrong. There are a number of myths about dating, love, and sex but are they really true? I always say, don’t make assumptions!!!

Cheryl: “The comments that I get all the time from clients… there’s no good men… there’s no one left out there… I’m never going to meet a like minded person like myself, very limited belief…or that men only want to date younger women.”

Breakup Coach: Natalia Juarez.

Natalia: “For women it’s being closed minded, not open minded enough to date certain types of guys…mindset, having a good attitude around love and dating… and men being driven by attraction…”

Shanny: “They have that fear of asking a guy out, that they are too old, no one’s gonna love them, having children is a burden, it’s weird to talk on the phone cause everyone’s texting these days, and that you can only find love online as opposed to really utilizing the other dating platforms such as matchmaking…”

The dating world has definitely evolved with all the dating sites and apps available at our finger tips. Online dating has made it more challenging to have real connections with people as there is a lot of competition out there and it’s easy to get off track and lose focus at times.

You can bump into people from all walks of life online but if you want to meet someone, you have to be willing to put yourself out there as there are good people online. All you have to do is be cautious while flipping through online dating profiles and do all your usual checks before you meet someone on a date.

Cheryl: “Branding yourself, that personal branding is what makes you different from everyone else , its everything about you…they way you walk, the way you talk…what you put out there…but it’s really the mindset…”

Date coach & Matchmaker: Shanny in the City.

Shanny: “It’s about how you carry yourself, being single is a brand, figure how do you represent yourself online, are you feeling your best, looking your best and know that it is a competitive world out there and you have to put your best foot forward…how are you representing yourself on social media.”

Natalia: “What an opportunity we have now with social media…someone can meet you in person and have that first impression but then they get to round it out with everything that you’re putting online…”

We shouldn’t make decisions about relationships based on gender stereotypes. Some are flat out wrong, but even if there is a little truth to them, they are exaggerated and not constructive in dealing with the unique individuals with whom we have relationships.

Both men and women value attractiveness and perhaps men value it a little more but not that much more. At the end of the day, men love being with smart, intelligent women that they can relate to if they’re really looking for a relationship as there is big difference between dating someone and wanting a relationship.

Unfortunate dating misconceptions flow frequently and there are many common dating myths surrounding the soul-searching singles. You can’t have that jaded attitude if you want to meet someone and must keep your bad experiences behind you. Be proactive and date with a positive attitude!

Cheryl: “Older men younger women, what it comes down to it, they really want somebody who can be part of their experiences…its freshness, they like the fresh attitude of somebody young…”

Shanny: “I always ask my clients what are your top five attributes? Those are things that you should know off the top of your head…you can ask your friends how you would best describe me when creating your profile… it’s also important to ask people what do you give back to society…are you volunteering…extra curricular activity…this is very appealing to women…this enhances your brand.”

Natalia: “People are attracted to vitality and being radiant, loving your life…all the things that are associated to youth…”

Shanny: “Women wanna feel safe…so do men…a lot of times, women’s guard is up….it’s about connecting mentally and emotionally…”

To build a relationship that’s based on equal footing, strive for balance and compromise when it comes to conversation, dates, and responsibilities. Dating is for everyone and you should fall in love with dating. It’s not just about singles. If you’re in a relationship, you have to keep that romance going, keep things alive.

Shanny: “Chivalry is not dead…men are still practicing it…these men do exist and as women we have to have an attitude of gratitude…for example, say thanks when they open the door or for checking up on you when you get home…”

Cheryl: “Men love to please a woman, that’s a fact when you compliment them, you’re encouraging them to do it again…everybody likes to feel appreciated…men and women…”

Natalia: “Things have become easy so men feel that’s it’s not appreciated…it’s important to build attraction…”

When you’re going out on a date, you have to show up looking and feeling your best, like you made an effort and that you want to be there. How else will you leave an impression? When we show up for a job interview, we make sure that we’ve done our homework and that we are presenting our best self to make a statement in hopes of landing that job.

So why shouldn’t we apply the same efforts if not more so when dating and looking for that special someone? What is your state of mind when you’re off to meet your date?

Natalia: “Be open, if you feel it’s a good person and your values are aligned, be open for that second date…be prepared, show up as your best, the way you market yourself, the state of mind that you’re in, be calm on that date…”

Shanny: “Date conversations are important, You really want to avoid the interview questions…really expand on your answers, share experiences…also making sure you’re in a good mood, that you’re in a healthy mindset…you don’t wanna self sabotage…What are you passionate about…act like you care to get to know them…”

Cheryl: “You have one chance to make an impression…we have the technology to google a person, find out who they are, find out things that they like…when you walk in there, that’s what the dialogue should be about… the things that make them tick…the focus is very important, body language…I stand by the 45 minutes rule, I call it the predate…putting your mind in the most positive light possible…mindset is everything…”

There are all kinds of cliché dating “rules” that get tossed around in conversation, but are they really worth following?

There is no template for relationships and every person is different. We are all unique in our own ways. Every relationship moves at its own pace, so don’t feel like you have to force a specific timeline or route. When it comes to love, you have to follow your own instincts, you have to stay true to who you are as a person, never lose your identity and do what feels right to you.

You can follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner as I promise to keep your love life “up to date”. If you’re having a hard time dating online, need some dating advice or a helping hand, join my data base for Free: www.cherylbesner.com or simply reach out to me at 1-844-744-7656.

Cheryl xo

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We all want to love and be loved and yet for some, that concept also stirs up the fear of being vulnerable and opening our hearts, exposing our needs and feelings to someone. This is especially true when we have little scars that associate relationships with unpleasant experiences or memories from the past.

I believe there is no such thing as a failed relationship, rather that each connection can be a lesson into who we are and what we need in life. What everyone needs is to be ONE before TWO and that’s when a healthy partnership can be created.

A healthy relationship is supposed to add value to your life and make you grow as an individual. Being with someone should never change who you are as a person, so toss fear aside and always RISE up to LOVE!

Cheryl: “We don’t have to give up anything about ourselves to be in a relationship, we have to own ourselves, we have to know our value, we have to learn from our history and bring that forward and that’s what a good relationship will have within it.”

In the beginning when getting to know someone, many people tend to let go of things they normally do such as: hanging out with friends, seeing family, going to the gym etc. But at some point you find that balance between life and love as you want to continue doing the things that you enjoy in your life. Remember that your partner was attracted to who you are before they came along so never lose that!!

Chantal: “When you meet somebody, you have to remember what he fell in love with…if you were wild, high spirited, sexy…you were out there and that’s what he fell in love with, who you were, then why should you change that about yourself? At the end of the day, you need to be with a secure person to be able to be that person…so you have to chose the right guy from the beginning…because if you make all the compromise at the beginning, you really already lost yourself from the beginning and you never really found the right person.”

https://youtu.be/yh40tE-EHZk

When you meet someone that you like and want to get to know better, it’s normal to want to please that person. Compromise is important in a relationship; however you should never make the mistake of giving up your individuality. Compromise on issues but NEVER on your VALUES!

Cheryl: “I do think it’s a little easier on a certain level when we’re more mature…because we do own ourselves more, we understand ourselves more, we have all this experience that life has given us and a lot of us have had relationships that have molded us…”

Some are lucky to have met their soul mate and living the “forever after”. Others need a little more practice at getting it right the second time around. Relationships are not always easy but maturity, a positive attitude, communication and mindfulness are all ingredients for success. It’s never too late to find love as I believe every heart deserve a home.

Tatiana: “For us, its two individuals who said we’re gonna do this again. We have the unfair advantage the second time around…I mean come on if you’re gonna screw that up too… we try to learn from the mistakes we made the first time around and you try not to repeat that…”

David: “I was in a relationship before, I made a lot of mistakes, lot of those mistakes were made because I wasn’t happy, and on the second time around I’m in a different place, it took me a little while to get here… I’m very happy to do it, I’m not going anywhere and we’re happy.”

Yohann: “The friendship thing, treating the one you love like you would treat your best friend…people…they expect something that they would never expect from friends …you wouldn’t wanna hurt your best friend…”

https://youtu.be/0K26VJITXUc

You won’t lose yourself by making concessions here and there or letting go of certain habits to please your partner, but you shouldn’t have to change who you are as a person to be with someone. At the core, you should be loved and accepted just the way you are.

Tatiana: “It’s ok to please your husband and to make him feel good and it’s vice versa, he has to do the same for you…”

https://youtu.be/1hWeHnlUeV8

Chantal: “I always love telling my husband I love doing everything for him because he loves doing everything for me to a fault, and that to me is what a relationship is all about.”

Johann: “We have been together for 21 years, balance is a personal thing …”

Losing your identity often starts slowly as you are trying to please the other person. But are you doing it at the expense of your own personal goals, passions and values? All of a sudden you wake up one day and don’t recognize the person in the mirror. That’s a dangerous path to fall into as it leads to resenting the other person, feeling bitter in the relationship and eventually splitting or living a loveless, unhealthy relationship.

Chantal: “The compromising that makes you unhappy is not the compromise that’s gonna keep you in a relationship.”

Would you change for your partner? Will that change improve your relationship? Learning something new can always be great like learning a new activity, trying different foods, having someone to travel with; it’s actually nice to have that exchange and in return you may also introduce new things to your partner that you enjoy doing in life.

Cheryl: “I want to inspire people and bring people to a new realization that we don’t have to give up anything about ourselves to be in a relationship.”

Never lose yourself just because you are sharing your life with someone. Being in a healthy relationship should bring out sides of your personality, add value to your identity and even introduce you to things that make you grow as a person. Communicating within relationships most certainly makes for better ones.

Remember the best thing is to be yourself and expect your partner to love you for who you are and be prepared to love them back. I always believe that if you love your life, your love life will happen!

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes and “up to date”. Follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner.

Cheryl xo

 

 

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Fall has arrived and that means the cuffing season is back again! For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it’s simply the period between fall and the dark cold winter days where cuddling up with a human blanket seems more appealing than spending a sunless groggy season all alone.

Cheryl: “I think a long time ago, they used to call it the mating season…people like to be with somebody, you know we wanna kiss somebody at New Year’s…”

The exact definition according to Urban dictionary: During the fall and winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

It is important to make sure you do not confuse or assume someone’s intentions during the cuffing season. For some hopeful romantics, this time of year causes reflection on their love life and triggers a desire to nest while others are looking for a person to hibernate with, a winter cuddle bunny. Both relationship types want the “Netflix and chill” kind of nights, while it’s minus ten but when the sun shines again, the snow may not be the only thing that melts!

So how should we meet this potential “cuff buddy”? Where can we meet new people and how can we spend the winter as we cozy up? Here’s one great idea: cookanddate.com; where you get to meet people and learn a recipe or two. It’s a win/win kind of situation!

Cheryl: “Once I met someone on match.com that met me on the cook and date event…In reference to the cuffing season, do you find Cristina your events are more popular during the fall winter months and how many do you do?”

Cristina: “Oh yeah, September to November…till end of February…during that time I get a lot of new members…so people sign up online waiting  for the next events to come…I do around 40…average of one a week…it’s almost like I’m inviting everybody to my house…”

Bunty: “I don’t really do the whole cuffing season thing, I kind of just message people whenever I want, if I see a woman that’s attractive on face book or if I meet someone, I just message them… I messaged a girl, told her she’s beautiful, that I’d love to go on a date with her and she was like sure…it didn’t turn into a full blown relationship, but it was a fun period and that’s because I put myself out there.”

Cheryl, Bunty, Ramona, Cristina.

In today’s era of swipe-left dating and hookup culture, cuffing season may bring some romance and chivalry back into the dating game and be beneficial for those who have grown tired of all that casual dating. What about those who are not comfortable with the online dating?

Cristina: “I kind of met my husband through my event…he was recommended by a friend in the business…now we work together…”

Cheryl: “People love when you approach them, when you say hello…a lot of people are afraid to start a conversation, to reach out to people…one of the exercises that I do when coaching… they have to go out and talk to people on the street… it really gives you self confidence…it’s all about engaging and human contact with each other …”

Cristina: “I like eye contact…I prefer someone coming up to me on the street than someone “face booking” me that I don’t know…I find that creepy…”

Bunty: “I don’t randomly message people I don’t know…it’s through friends or acquaintances…”

If you want to meet someone, it all starts with being open and willing to put yourself out there. Expand your social circle and connect with new people either through friends, online dating, and speed dating, single’s events or just getting out of your comfort zone. Sometimes it’s a simple tweak in your daily routine that will change the canvas of your love life. For instance if you go to the gym in the morning and pump iron, try evening group classes instead.

Cheryl: “The challenge is if you’re never outside of your circle…so if you haven’t met the person within your circle, chances are you’re not gonna meet somebody new and if you haven’t met somebody yet, where do you go from here? So the whole thing is to expand your circle, expand your horizons…you never know where you can meet that person.”

Its no surprise that  during the cuffing season, messages come sliding into your inboxes such as: “how’ve you been”, “how are things” as match.com for instance shows regular spikes in online activity by up to 56% as January approaches.

Cristina: “Between friends setting me up and online dating, it wasn’t working for me…I felt there was always that lost in interpretation with the chatting…I found this idea in France… to do this culinary activity for singles…I like cooking so worst case scenario we learn a recipe… I brought that idea to Montreal…”

Bunty: “I tried the online dating thing…for me it’s just arghhhh…it’s too detached…”

Cheryl: “It’s a very detached world that we’re in… all the way around not just in the dating world… we’re trying to find ways to reconnect and that’s what Solo in The City is all about…”

Cuffing Season is often spurred on around the holidays as many people feel that pressure before attending family gatherings to find that significant other to bring home for celebrations and to kiss under the mistletoe on New Years Eve.

Cheryl: “Another reason for cuffing season is the social aspect of it… that makes you think it’s time to be in one, Christmas, bring somebody to the family…new year’s having someone to kiss, that has a lot to do with people saying, the holidays are coming, I’m alone, I don’t wanna celebrate…”

Bunty: “I feel the pressure…I constantly think about it…”

Don’t set any rules or expectations. Cuffing season is the beginning of one season that may or may not lead to summer luvin’. As in all relationships, it’s important to know from the start if you have the same goals and want to put on the cuffs and looking to throw away the key or not.

Cheryl: “When you love your life and you love the things you do, that’s when you meet the person that you’re meant to be with, because you share the same common interest…when you’re at your best…the same lifestyle, values and goals…”

You can watch an event of “Cook and Date” in the link below.

Cook and Date - YouTube

Regardless of how you feel, talk to your partner and figure it all out as there will be many more winters and summers ahead.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). Follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner & Co as I’m always here to help support you in your relationship and keep your love life “up to date”.

Cheryl xo

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