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I recently interviewed Korine Hazan; author of a book called “Stop Love is no poker game”. This book sums up different life stories, antidotes about love and relationships, each chapter ending with a synopsis.

It’s meant to be read fast without necessarily having to follow the sequencing as each story will resonate differently to each reader. I related to parts of it and I bet so will you!

Cheryl: “This book is based on your life experiences, things that have happened, things that you have witnessed happening in relationships and wanted to give people little bites that they could savor and learn from and move forward with…”

Korine:  “We all find our self somewhere in the book…try to have some kind of an awakening…why we are that way? What could we do? How could we have better relationships? It’s the base…that’s where everything starts…”

Cheryl: “People think because somebody loves them, we should love them back…we could say certain things that can make the connection better, if we know what we want in relationships, if we know our standards, if we know our boundaries and we put it out there for the other person, to allow them the opportunity to respond to our needs…”

Communication is the most important element in building the foundation for a successful relationship. You have to ask questions and avoid making assumptions. You have to know your lifestyle, values and goals and be able to communicate with the person that you’re with or getting to know. The way we express ourselves, our needs to the other person makes a huge difference in the quality of our connection, allowing space for a more balanced true and deepened love for one another.

Cheryl: “In the coaching world, one of the things that I stand behind…there are three elements to our behavior, in regards to somebody else and that’s rejection, acceptance and tolerance…you can reject what the other person is doing…meaning that doesn’t work for me…you can also accept certain things that are not going to be the way you want but you accept that because you love the person… but tolerance, when you tolerate something it’s the beginning of the end…and that’s being silent that’s thinking things and not putting it out there to either accept or reject…”

Korine: “We don’t say, we don’t speak…he loves us ok well maybe I should love him back…we are all responsible for the outcome of our action or non action…”

One of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves. We have to love our self first, own and accept who we are as individuals and know what we need (not want) before getting into a relationship. The result of discovering true self is that all relationships whether community, friends, family, work or with your beloved will be happier and healthier and for the long term.

Korinne: “Why do we have to apologize for who we are, what we need, what we want…it’s not fair to ourselves or to the other person to keep quiet…You are allowed to be who you are and that’s honoring yourself but honoring the other person at the same time…”

Cheryl: “Nobody can know what you want unless you tell them what you want…”

Love and relationships are not black and white, perfect lives and people don’t exist. We are ALL different beings and in charge of our own life and happiness. You can create a happy life based on positive influences and the people that you choose to surround yourself with. Life can be challenging so it all comes straight down to your attitude and your mindset.

Cheryl: “We can teach that intention to ourselves…lot of people say Cheryl, you always seem happy… no I’m always positive… everybody has bad days, everybody has hard issues…”

Korine: “I know a young man that has had a life that he planned because somebody taught him to have that intention…”

Cheryl: “We didn’t grow up with all these dating apps and social media… it’s proven to be a huge challenge…”

Technology has changed our lives and relationship world in major ways. With social media, there’s that pressure for people to think or feel that life has to be great, that things have to look beautiful and that other people’s lives are happier than ours.

We all know that’s NON SENSE! Life is NOT blue sunny skies each day. What we see is often that “picture perfect life” that we crave at times. So if you’re not feeling your best each day, don’t worry we all have crappy days, months and all that matters is your attitude in dealing with YOUR life the best way that you can. Don’t get side tracked by what you see on social media. Focus on your own path and keep investing in yourself and in those that invest in you.

Cheryl: “Do you think that times have changed since your mom was your age, when it comes to an actual part of a relationship?”

Mikayla: “Definitely because social media is a big factor in people’s lives in my generation…meeting people my age it’s through Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat…”

Cheryl: “The way you’re meeting people is different, but also the way you’re communicating is different that is what is stopping a lot of younger people from finding a relationship…because you don’t know how to communicate with each other…”

Mikayla: “I was in a relationship, we were together for 2 and half years…I knew what I wanted ….I’m more of a person that wants something serious …the guys in my generation are not ready for long term things, I don’t wanna waste my time, so I’d rather work on myself and focus on loving myself, I don’t wanna depend on a guy…”

People want to be in love; that hasn’t changed but times have changed and technology has made things challenging as we live in a fast paced “dating world” with all the online apps at our finger tips.

Everything is a click away. Communication is tough through online exchanges and texting. It’s so easy to misunderstand and most people don’t know how to communicate anymore. That’s one of the biggest road blocks nowadays. How do you get your point across? How do you go about dating successfully in today’s modern world when looking for a serious relationship?

Cheryl: “Do you wish you could turn back the clock? Be dating now and the way technology is now and all the things that influence our dating world?”

Korine: “I would position myself differently …the way it was when I was a young woman is very different to the way it is today for young women…same thing for men…they have access to things that we didn’t…”

Cheryl: “Would you sometimes wish you wouldn’t have all the technology at your fingertips?

Mikayla: “I think it makes things easier…Meeting people…it allows us to feel connected but we’re really disconnected because when we’re together, we’re all on our phones…”

Dating behaviors differ drastically between the ages and generations. Younger singles are more prone to friend their date on Facebook, Instagram or any social media platform they’re on. They communicate by text after a date and are more evasive about their availability if they’re not interested in a second date. The more mature singles are more cautious when it comes to dating in the digital era and reserved on how much they put out there.

No matter what, we all have to adjust to these changes and the most important thing to learn and master is how to communicate and nurture our relationships.

If you’re already in a relationship, continue “dating” your partner forever to keep things fresh in every aspect to continue growing together. If you’re single, make sure you know your worth, your lifestyle, values and goals before getting involved. Make a small list of the top three most important standards/boundaries that you can’t compromise on. Put your best self out there, be positive and go out there and enjoy life which includes making dating fun, not a chore! Take risks and keep your mind and heart open.

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you “up to date”.

Cheryl xo

 

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Have you ever come home from yet another dreadful date, feeling exhausted and exasperated that you just wasted two hours of you precious time that could have been spent with your dog? Have you lost faith in finding someone compatible resigning yourself to being single forever? Have you wanted to give up on dating? Well rest assured; you’re NOT alone!

STEP 1: Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs: It’s so normal to get frustrated after numerous “bad dates”, breakups or divorce.  We often ask: is it me? Is it them? What’s going on? Why can’t I meet someone that sticks around or wants the same things that I do? The emotional connection to these questions has caused people to build walls to protect their hearts from getting hurt.

Cheryl: “Everything that we’ve experienced teaches us something, we can look at it as something that we regret but if you change that mindset which is number one…it becomes a positive, it becomes a lesson learned and not something we regret, so first step is limiting beliefs and the alignment of how they have to come together…”

Alexis Meads.

Alexis: “Every experience that I’ve gone through has brought me to where I am today and I’m happy of where I am…When I talk about limiting beliefs it’s that we’ve had so many times where we’ve heard things over and over again…or that we’ve seen evidence of, then we start taking that evidence as truth…and as we form these beliefs, we start having certain feelings associated with them, from these feeling, we’re gonna take certain actions…because I was open…I met my husband within a few short months…”

Most people perceive relationships that have ended as failure instead of lessons to better ourselves and future relationships.

Cheryl: “Our beliefs are put into action, if we believe there are no good men out there; we stay home, so why go out? So the belief becomes action and the action stops results… How can you have a different result if your mindset is not in line with where you want to be? You have to align your mindset to the result you actually want.”

Alexis: “You will continue getting the same result if you don’t change that initial belief first…what we often don’t see is that we can flip those around…”

“Love your life and your love life will happen” -Cheryl-

The key to limited beliefs is to break that pattern which will ultimately stop creating road blocks.  Take this necessary first step to progress towards your happier life.

STEP 2: Lose the Baggage: If you have had bad experiences in the past, don’t let those define your current or future relationships. Stop assuming or jumping to the conclusion that everyone is like your ex. History does not have to repeat itself and won’t if you learn lessons instead of dragging the “EX”cess weight of your past along!

Cheryl: “I don’t like to talk about baggage, I like to talk about history, because to me baggage is something really heavy, something you drag around…It’s about transforming our past relationships into the positive…”

Alexis: “It’s only baggage when we allow it to hold us back…if you look at it as history; you look at it as it has taught you lessons…You can rewrite your own story…many of us have been through relationships, through heart breaks and it’s the meaning that you’re going to choose to give it, that’s going to create the next experience in the relationship that you’re going to have…”

Step 3: Meeting new People: Stop thinking Oh, there are no good men or women out there, that they are all taken, I’m done, why would I even bother, I won’t meet anyone anyway. That kind of thought will lead only to your couch, alone, with a pint of ice cream like Bridgett Jones and is that where you want to be? A positive mindset will not only help you in your love life, but also benefit your everyday life. You have one life to live, make sure it is the one you want, need and deserve and step out start living that life NOW!

Cheryl: “I try to eliminate the word TRY…You’re not going to try to do something or meet someone, you are going to DO…it’s like the NIKE commercial, JUST DO IT…you have to talk the talk to walk the walk…”

Whether you meet someone online, at the corner store or decide to use a matchmaker to reach your relationship goal, it ALL comes down to your mindset and getting OUT. You have to be in the right stage of your life, be open to meeting people and put yourself out there 100 percent. Most importantly, you have to know your lifestyle, values and goals so that you can align yourself with the right of person. Go where the person you desire hangs out. Lastly, don’t be ashamed to tell friends, family and coworkers that you would like to meet someone and to keep you in mind.

 Alexis: “I hear a lot of complaints about online dating, it’s one way to do it and it can be effective but it’s not the only way…what’s happening with these apps like bumble tinder…is that they’re taking away from some of the traditional dating values…that behind the scenes men and women are wanting, needing…where to meet people? I’d like for you to think about what your interests are, for example if you wanna meet a guy…who likes to travels, likes the outdoors, you have to put yourself in some of those spaces or those situations that he may be hanging…”

If your goal is to meet someone, then you have to believe that YOU CAN and that leads to YOU WILL. You have to have the right attitude, be ready, willing and open to that and have a fresh outlook. You have to be determined and trust that there is someone compatible out there for you. If you change your mindset and the way you define frustration and failure, you will allow yourself to reshape your beliefs and approach towards relationships. Remember likes attract likes!

As your “love optometrist” wink…I suggest that you adjust your “love glasses” to gain clarity so that you can focus on the good. Love is choosing to see and cultivate the good in you as well in another person, rather than accentuating the bad. Love and own who you are as a person and push past your frustrations in life and keep learning as you will cross the finish live. Never give up as if you love your life, your love life will happen!

If you need any dating advice or my support, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes and “up to date “in your love life. With all the dating sites, apps and social media available in today’s dating world, it has become overwhelming and quite challenging as to how to go about dating

Cheryl xo

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Does the desire to have sex diminish with age or is it a side effect of our physical changes?

Sexual health is important at any age as the desire for intimacy is timeless. Feeling sexy inside out, whether we are  in a long term relationship or still looking for that special partner is a critical part of our self confidence.

Sex may not be the same as it was in our 20s (many think we get better) however, for some individuals the effects of aging brings forth certain physical challenge like erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness caused by menopause.

Cheryl: “For some women, menopause has kicked in and they have certain physical challenges… These things can really stop us from living the kind of relationship that we want…that we deserve, so there are things out there that can help us…”

As women, our estrogen levels decrease when we approach menopause which leads to vaginal dryness and slower sexual arousal. Emotional stress can also change our sexual appetite. Changes in body shape and size due to natural aging and having children can trigger one to feel less desirable sexually. As women, we love to feel attractive and sexy at any age. Fear not, that biological clock does not have to stop you from wanting to look and feel your best!

As for men, testosterone plays an important role in their sexual experience. As men age, erectile dysfunctions become more common; it takes longer for the penis to erect and there’s also a loss of firmness. So overall, it may take longer to achieve all the sexual experiences that were once flowing, on point and on track.

Dr. Steinberg: “The men and women don’t see the problem, they just think oh, I’m just aging so they neglect it and put if off…it tends to become a much bigger problem…this doesn’t have to be ignored and can be treated…”

Let’s not kid ourselves, as we get older, gravity takes its toll on both sexes. As we can’t help aging, can we find ways to turn back the clock to keep our sex lives alive and full of passion?

The answer is YES! Thanks to modern day science and technology there are ways to adapt to our body’s changes and keep feeling full of life in every way!!! Wink…It’s just a matter of knowing what our options are.

Sibel, Dr.Steinberg, Cheryl, Roee, Christine, Ramona.

Dr. Steinberg: “We created the elnasexualwellness.com center to deal with all of that, we brought in a sex therapist, we looked at all the recent research and technology that’s been out there…beyond just the “blue pill”, we gathered the best of it, we put together a great team…so now for men, we have brought in 2 newest techniques: one is PRP and the other one is the ultra sonic waves of the penis… It’s an easy procedure, series of six to twelve treatments and causes re growth of the blood vessels…we have started to see great results…”

Roee: “I think the feeling of being inadequate, the anxiety that it can create in a relationship, in an existing one or a new one can be extreme…for both men and woman and we have seen a lot of that change with these new treatments and just listening to these patients and making sure that we’re actually addressing the real issues…we try to create a safe environment for people to discuss that…”

When men and women start experiencing these major internal and external changes it affects their sex life, confidence level and ultimately feelings about one self. Thankfully, such treatments exist which can help not only reignite your own fire but also throw some sparks into your relationship, adding major fuel to your love life.

Roee: “We have the Diva treatment for woman…which is internal…like a laser treatment for the face but for the inside of the vagina, it creates a younger, rejuvenated environment …creates more wetness…less pain during sex…all the collagen, the tightened skin, the circulation is also much better…it’s a much healthier, younger vaginal wall…this happens with a lot of women in their 30’s not just women in their 50’s…we have solutions…”

Cheryl: “It’s that confidence level that gets depleted and stops us from moving ahead…”

Dr Steinberg: “If your mind starts to wonder…it becomes a vicious cycle… the mind is a terrible killer of the sexual move for sure…these treatments bring back the tissue to healthier days…we’re trying to get people back to how things were ten or twenty years ago…”

Roee: “The treatment is not painful… patients feel sexier…it’s life changing treatments…we’ve had patients that haven’t had sex…in five years and longer and suddenly it changes everything and the fear is gone…it changes their outlook…”

Christine: “I did the treatment…It’s a laser, there was nothing negative about it, and for me it was quite painless.  I’m all about rejuvenation…when I heard that it could bring me back to how I used to be as far as lubrication to my early 20’s, that was an amazing thought…and it did… my body was changing …if I can help bring back what I had before my children, I wanna be the best that I can be…”

There are different types of treatments to help us feel youthful. As much as confidence truly starts from within and it’s important to love and accept who we are as individuals, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to maintain looking our best at any age. It’s important to do whatever makes us feel good about ourselves and give us a boost when we need it!

Cheryl: “We need to feel confident in our lives, with our partners or the partners that we hope to attract… I encourage people to do things that make them feel better…and I actually feel better…”

Sibel: “To eliminate localized body fat, we can work any part of the body…lipocavitation is a new technology and the machine that I’m using is the best that we can find in the world, giving the best results…from Italy… one of the most expensive machines…it doesn’t hurt any organs….every session you lose one centimeter…for those who can’t get rid of stubborn fat…they get results …I feel like a magician…I make people happy …we work from the face to the toes… tightening, lifting…without surgery, it’s non evasive, without surgery…no pain, no scars…”

Cheryl: “My body changed and I’m a thin woman…I went in, laid down, it was painless and five sessions later, I had five centimeters that had changed in my body.”

Luckily with modern technology, we have access to all kinds of information. So do your homework, see what your needs are, consult a specialist that can guide you. Also, make sure that whatever you do to your body is to please yourself and no one else. These treatments are your gift to YOU! Your partner will be a benefactor as a result. LOVE yourself first and your true reflection in the mirror!

 If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes, “up to date” and feeling like you can be sexy at any age!

Cheryl xo

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Times have changed and so have our perceptions about relationships. Social networks and all the dating sites may still have their share of players or heart breakers, but there are a lot of nice men and women out there looking for genuine relationships.

When it comes to the behavior of men and women in relationships, everyone has an opinion and usually, it’s about how the sexes are different. Often, they’re more alike than we think, and our common assumptions are wrong. There are a number of myths about dating, love, and sex but are they really true? I always say, don’t make assumptions!!!

Cheryl: “The comments that I get all the time from clients… there’s no good men… there’s no one left out there… I’m never going to meet a like minded person like myself, very limited belief…or that men only want to date younger women.”

Breakup Coach: Natalia Juarez.

Natalia: “For women it’s being closed minded, not open minded enough to date certain types of guys…mindset, having a good attitude around love and dating… and men being driven by attraction…”

Shanny: “They have that fear of asking a guy out, that they are too old, no one’s gonna love them, having children is a burden, it’s weird to talk on the phone cause everyone’s texting these days, and that you can only find love online as opposed to really utilizing the other dating platforms such as matchmaking…”

The dating world has definitely evolved with all the dating sites and apps available at our finger tips. Online dating has made it more challenging to have real connections with people as there is a lot of competition out there and it’s easy to get off track and lose focus at times.

You can bump into people from all walks of life online but if you want to meet someone, you have to be willing to put yourself out there as there are good people online. All you have to do is be cautious while flipping through online dating profiles and do all your usual checks before you meet someone on a date.

Cheryl: “Branding yourself, that personal branding is what makes you different from everyone else , its everything about you…they way you walk, the way you talk…what you put out there…but it’s really the mindset…”

Date coach & Matchmaker: Shanny in the City.

Shanny: “It’s about how you carry yourself, being single is a brand, figure how do you represent yourself online, are you feeling your best, looking your best and know that it is a competitive world out there and you have to put your best foot forward…how are you representing yourself on social media.”

Natalia: “What an opportunity we have now with social media…someone can meet you in person and have that first impression but then they get to round it out with everything that you’re putting online…”

We shouldn’t make decisions about relationships based on gender stereotypes. Some are flat out wrong, but even if there is a little truth to them, they are exaggerated and not constructive in dealing with the unique individuals with whom we have relationships.

Both men and women value attractiveness and perhaps men value it a little more but not that much more. At the end of the day, men love being with smart, intelligent women that they can relate to if they’re really looking for a relationship as there is big difference between dating someone and wanting a relationship.

Unfortunate dating misconceptions flow frequently and there are many common dating myths surrounding the soul-searching singles. You can’t have that jaded attitude if you want to meet someone and must keep your bad experiences behind you. Be proactive and date with a positive attitude!

Cheryl: “Older men younger women, what it comes down to it, they really want somebody who can be part of their experiences…its freshness, they like the fresh attitude of somebody young…”

Shanny: “I always ask my clients what are your top five attributes? Those are things that you should know off the top of your head…you can ask your friends how you would best describe me when creating your profile… it’s also important to ask people what do you give back to society…are you volunteering…extra curricular activity…this is very appealing to women…this enhances your brand.”

Natalia: “People are attracted to vitality and being radiant, loving your life…all the things that are associated to youth…”

Shanny: “Women wanna feel safe…so do men…a lot of times, women’s guard is up….it’s about connecting mentally and emotionally…”

To build a relationship that’s based on equal footing, strive for balance and compromise when it comes to conversation, dates, and responsibilities. Dating is for everyone and you should fall in love with dating. It’s not just about singles. If you’re in a relationship, you have to keep that romance going, keep things alive.

Shanny: “Chivalry is not dead…men are still practicing it…these men do exist and as women we have to have an attitude of gratitude…for example, say thanks when they open the door or for checking up on you when you get home…”

Cheryl: “Men love to please a woman, that’s a fact when you compliment them, you’re encouraging them to do it again…everybody likes to feel appreciated…men and women…”

Natalia: “Things have become easy so men feel that’s it’s not appreciated…it’s important to build attraction…”

When you’re going out on a date, you have to show up looking and feeling your best, like you made an effort and that you want to be there. How else will you leave an impression? When we show up for a job interview, we make sure that we’ve done our homework and that we are presenting our best self to make a statement in hopes of landing that job.

So why shouldn’t we apply the same efforts if not more so when dating and looking for that special someone? What is your state of mind when you’re off to meet your date?

Natalia: “Be open, if you feel it’s a good person and your values are aligned, be open for that second date…be prepared, show up as your best, the way you market yourself, the state of mind that you’re in, be calm on that date…”

Shanny: “Date conversations are important, You really want to avoid the interview questions…really expand on your answers, share experiences…also making sure you’re in a good mood, that you’re in a healthy mindset…you don’t wanna self sabotage…What are you passionate about…act like you care to get to know them…”

Cheryl: “You have one chance to make an impression…we have the technology to google a person, find out who they are, find out things that they like…when you walk in there, that’s what the dialogue should be about… the things that make them tick…the focus is very important, body language…I stand by the 45 minutes rule, I call it the predate…putting your mind in the most positive light possible…mindset is everything…”

There are all kinds of cliché dating “rules” that get tossed around in conversation, but are they really worth following?

There is no template for relationships and every person is different. We are all unique in our own ways. Every relationship moves at its own pace, so don’t feel like you have to force a specific timeline or route. When it comes to love, you have to follow your own instincts, you have to stay true to who you are as a person, never lose your identity and do what feels right to you.

You can follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner as I promise to keep your love life “up to date”. If you’re having a hard time dating online, need some dating advice or a helping hand, join my data base for Free: www.cherylbesner.com or simply reach out to me at 1-844-744-7656.

Cheryl xo

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We all want to love and be loved and yet for some, that concept also stirs up the fear of being vulnerable and opening our hearts, exposing our needs and feelings to someone. This is especially true when we have little scars that associate relationships with unpleasant experiences or memories from the past.

I believe there is no such thing as a failed relationship, rather that each connection can be a lesson into who we are and what we need in life. What everyone needs is to be ONE before TWO and that’s when a healthy partnership can be created.

A healthy relationship is supposed to add value to your life and make you grow as an individual. Being with someone should never change who you are as a person, so toss fear aside and always RISE up to LOVE!

Cheryl: “We don’t have to give up anything about ourselves to be in a relationship, we have to own ourselves, we have to know our value, we have to learn from our history and bring that forward and that’s what a good relationship will have within it.”

In the beginning when getting to know someone, many people tend to let go of things they normally do such as: hanging out with friends, seeing family, going to the gym etc. But at some point you find that balance between life and love as you want to continue doing the things that you enjoy in your life. Remember that your partner was attracted to who you are before they came along so never lose that!!

Chantal: “When you meet somebody, you have to remember what he fell in love with…if you were wild, high spirited, sexy…you were out there and that’s what he fell in love with, who you were, then why should you change that about yourself? At the end of the day, you need to be with a secure person to be able to be that person…so you have to chose the right guy from the beginning…because if you make all the compromise at the beginning, you really already lost yourself from the beginning and you never really found the right person.”

https://youtu.be/yh40tE-EHZk

When you meet someone that you like and want to get to know better, it’s normal to want to please that person. Compromise is important in a relationship; however you should never make the mistake of giving up your individuality. Compromise on issues but NEVER on your VALUES!

Cheryl: “I do think it’s a little easier on a certain level when we’re more mature…because we do own ourselves more, we understand ourselves more, we have all this experience that life has given us and a lot of us have had relationships that have molded us…”

Some are lucky to have met their soul mate and living the “forever after”. Others need a little more practice at getting it right the second time around. Relationships are not always easy but maturity, a positive attitude, communication and mindfulness are all ingredients for success. It’s never too late to find love as I believe every heart deserve a home.

Tatiana: “For us, its two individuals who said we’re gonna do this again. We have the unfair advantage the second time around…I mean come on if you’re gonna screw that up too… we try to learn from the mistakes we made the first time around and you try not to repeat that…”

David: “I was in a relationship before, I made a lot of mistakes, lot of those mistakes were made because I wasn’t happy, and on the second time around I’m in a different place, it took me a little while to get here… I’m very happy to do it, I’m not going anywhere and we’re happy.”

Yohann: “The friendship thing, treating the one you love like you would treat your best friend…people…they expect something that they would never expect from friends …you wouldn’t wanna hurt your best friend…”

https://youtu.be/0K26VJITXUc

You won’t lose yourself by making concessions here and there or letting go of certain habits to please your partner, but you shouldn’t have to change who you are as a person to be with someone. At the core, you should be loved and accepted just the way you are.

Tatiana: “It’s ok to please your husband and to make him feel good and it’s vice versa, he has to do the same for you…”

https://youtu.be/1hWeHnlUeV8

Chantal: “I always love telling my husband I love doing everything for him because he loves doing everything for me to a fault, and that to me is what a relationship is all about.”

Johann: “We have been together for 21 years, balance is a personal thing …”

Losing your identity often starts slowly as you are trying to please the other person. But are you doing it at the expense of your own personal goals, passions and values? All of a sudden you wake up one day and don’t recognize the person in the mirror. That’s a dangerous path to fall into as it leads to resenting the other person, feeling bitter in the relationship and eventually splitting or living a loveless, unhealthy relationship.

Chantal: “The compromising that makes you unhappy is not the compromise that’s gonna keep you in a relationship.”

Would you change for your partner? Will that change improve your relationship? Learning something new can always be great like learning a new activity, trying different foods, having someone to travel with; it’s actually nice to have that exchange and in return you may also introduce new things to your partner that you enjoy doing in life.

Cheryl: “I want to inspire people and bring people to a new realization that we don’t have to give up anything about ourselves to be in a relationship.”

Never lose yourself just because you are sharing your life with someone. Being in a healthy relationship should bring out sides of your personality, add value to your identity and even introduce you to things that make you grow as a person. Communicating within relationships most certainly makes for better ones.

Remember the best thing is to be yourself and expect your partner to love you for who you are and be prepared to love them back. I always believe that if you love your life, your love life will happen!

If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes and “up to date”. Follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner.

Cheryl xo

 

 

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Fall has arrived and that means the cuffing season is back again! For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it’s simply the period between fall and the dark cold winter days where cuddling up with a human blanket seems more appealing than spending a sunless groggy season all alone.

Cheryl: “I think a long time ago, they used to call it the mating season…people like to be with somebody, you know we wanna kiss somebody at New Year’s…”

The exact definition according to Urban dictionary: During the fall and winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

It is important to make sure you do not confuse or assume someone’s intentions during the cuffing season. For some hopeful romantics, this time of year causes reflection on their love life and triggers a desire to nest while others are looking for a person to hibernate with, a winter cuddle bunny. Both relationship types want the “Netflix and chill” kind of nights, while it’s minus ten but when the sun shines again, the snow may not be the only thing that melts!

So how should we meet this potential “cuff buddy”? Where can we meet new people and how can we spend the winter as we cozy up? Here’s one great idea: cookanddate.com; where you get to meet people and learn a recipe or two. It’s a win/win kind of situation!

Cheryl: “Once I met someone on match.com that met me on the cook and date event…In reference to the cuffing season, do you find Cristina your events are more popular during the fall winter months and how many do you do?”

Cristina: “Oh yeah, September to November…till end of February…during that time I get a lot of new members…so people sign up online waiting  for the next events to come…I do around 40…average of one a week…it’s almost like I’m inviting everybody to my house…”

Bunty: “I don’t really do the whole cuffing season thing, I kind of just message people whenever I want, if I see a woman that’s attractive on face book or if I meet someone, I just message them… I messaged a girl, told her she’s beautiful, that I’d love to go on a date with her and she was like sure…it didn’t turn into a full blown relationship, but it was a fun period and that’s because I put myself out there.”

Cheryl, Bunty, Ramona, Cristina.

In today’s era of swipe-left dating and hookup culture, cuffing season may bring some romance and chivalry back into the dating game and be beneficial for those who have grown tired of all that casual dating. What about those who are not comfortable with the online dating?

Cristina: “I kind of met my husband through my event…he was recommended by a friend in the business…now we work together…”

Cheryl: “People love when you approach them, when you say hello…a lot of people are afraid to start a conversation, to reach out to people…one of the exercises that I do when coaching… they have to go out and talk to people on the street… it really gives you self confidence…it’s all about engaging and human contact with each other …”

Cristina: “I like eye contact…I prefer someone coming up to me on the street than someone “face booking” me that I don’t know…I find that creepy…”

Bunty: “I don’t randomly message people I don’t know…it’s through friends or acquaintances…”

If you want to meet someone, it all starts with being open and willing to put yourself out there. Expand your social circle and connect with new people either through friends, online dating, and speed dating, single’s events or just getting out of your comfort zone. Sometimes it’s a simple tweak in your daily routine that will change the canvas of your love life. For instance if you go to the gym in the morning and pump iron, try evening group classes instead.

Cheryl: “The challenge is if you’re never outside of your circle…so if you haven’t met the person within your circle, chances are you’re not gonna meet somebody new and if you haven’t met somebody yet, where do you go from here? So the whole thing is to expand your circle, expand your horizons…you never know where you can meet that person.”

Its no surprise that  during the cuffing season, messages come sliding into your inboxes such as: “how’ve you been”, “how are things” as match.com for instance shows regular spikes in online activity by up to 56% as January approaches.

Cristina: “Between friends setting me up and online dating, it wasn’t working for me…I felt there was always that lost in interpretation with the chatting…I found this idea in France… to do this culinary activity for singles…I like cooking so worst case scenario we learn a recipe… I brought that idea to Montreal…”

Bunty: “I tried the online dating thing…for me it’s just arghhhh…it’s too detached…”

Cheryl: “It’s a very detached world that we’re in… all the way around not just in the dating world… we’re trying to find ways to reconnect and that’s what Solo in The City is all about…”

Cuffing Season is often spurred on around the holidays as many people feel that pressure before attending family gatherings to find that significant other to bring home for celebrations and to kiss under the mistletoe on New Years Eve.

Cheryl: “Another reason for cuffing season is the social aspect of it… that makes you think it’s time to be in one, Christmas, bring somebody to the family…new year’s having someone to kiss, that has a lot to do with people saying, the holidays are coming, I’m alone, I don’t wanna celebrate…”

Bunty: “I feel the pressure…I constantly think about it…”

Don’t set any rules or expectations. Cuffing season is the beginning of one season that may or may not lead to summer luvin’. As in all relationships, it’s important to know from the start if you have the same goals and want to put on the cuffs and looking to throw away the key or not.

Cheryl: “When you love your life and you love the things you do, that’s when you meet the person that you’re meant to be with, because you share the same common interest…when you’re at your best…the same lifestyle, values and goals…”

You can watch an event of “Cook and Date” in the link below.

Cook and Date - YouTube

Regardless of how you feel, talk to your partner and figure it all out as there will be many more winters and summers ahead.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). Follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner & Co as I’m always here to help support you in your relationship and keep your love life “up to date”.

Cheryl xo

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