“Confidence” is a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
“Arrogance” is having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.
Even when we define these two terms; clearly there are still some discrepancies which require further investigation.
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #2: A Meaningful Metaphor
Confidence arises when we take our area of expertise and specialise in one specific area of human endeavour. It’s like being a Premier League football player and advising young aspiring football players.
Arrogance arises when we take our area of expertise and globalise that we have value in other areas of human endeavour. It’s like being a Premier League football player and advising your friends on their tax affairs.
A question we can ask ourselves before we give advice is to establish whether we are speaking with an informed opinion, normally because it’s our profession (confidence) or whether we are giving a global opinion with no real knowledge (arrogance).
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #3: Examples
Let’s contrast these terms with three cast iron examples
A confident man – admits he doesn’t know everything.
An arrogant man – thinks he knows everything.
A confident man – Is open to gaining new insights.
An arrogant man – Is closed to new learning opportunities.
A confident man – Persuades others with his in-depth knowledge.
An arrogant man – Manipulates others by enforcing his opinion.
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #6: A Personal Story
Let me share a personal story.
When I first started coaching I thought that I had to convey that I knew everything about the dating world; I thought I had to have all the answers to all dating related questions. Without realising it I was coming across as arrogant and people didn’t warm to me.
Fast forward a decade and now, I know what I know and I also know what I don’t know; nowadays people not only warm to me but rather gravitate.
In my understanding, there is a magnetism that stems from confidence and a repulsion that derives from arrogance.
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #7: How Do We Become Less Insecure?
In my own life, there have been three powerful ways that have led me to become less insecure as the years roll on.
1. Self-expression – When I moved from being a content consumer to a content creator I felt like I had found my place in the world.
2. Reading – I’ve read nearly every day for over a decade; the more knowledge I gain the more relaxed I’ve become.
3. Professionalism – Taking on my responsibilities in life with a proficient attitude has allowed me to feel more put together and like my life is more in order.
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #8: A Third Remedy For Arrogance
Questions offer us a key insight into not only our own confidence/arrogance but also to know more about the person we’re conversing with.
To be concise; questions in the English language are used to gain value that we don’t currently know or possess. Here’s an example:
An arrogant man tends to ask no questions and share only his thoughts.
A confident man tends to speak with a blend of questions and statements.
An unconfident man tends to only ask questions.
Often when arrogant people feel that you have some insight which they don’t know; they will want an immediate answer and have no time to listen to any context; it’s tell me now or don’t bother as my time is important. There is no thought that the other person’s time is just as important; it’s an egotistical way of communicating.
When a confident person is in dialogue you will often hear them ask these types of questions:
“I didn’t know that; can you explain.”
“I don’t understand what you mean”
“I’ve never looked at it like that; that’s interesting.”
Arrogant people will never ask these types of questions as they do not wish to admit that they don’t know; they are afraid of showing weakness due to their insecurities in life.
They will typically go quiet or if they do ask questions they will be in jest with no real value placed on your response.
The word “humble” appears to be a fitting word to describe an aspect of confidence; whilst arrogance rears its ugly face in the sea of pretence.
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #9: Real Resources
In my own life studying Philosophy has been the best way to learn to be more confident and less arrogant. When we are able to view the world from different perspectives; we then begin to realise the very small amount of information we actually know.
With this realisation comes a more well-rounded outlook on the world and more confidence in what we do know; and openness to what we don’t.
There is a series called Philosophy in an hour which offers us the insights of the greatest thinkers in our history which is a good place to start.
Now, to conclude, I hope this podcast has afforded you the ability to have confidence in your arrogance; arrogance in your confidence and the wisdom to know the difference.
The dating game requires you to be on your toes at all times.
The landscape is always changing due to societal norms and differences in the way we communicate.
As a man in this day and age, it’s your responsibility to learn how to relate to the opposite sex. Thankfully for you, you also live in the information age, so you can always take in new knowledge to step up your game.
If you’d like to be a renaissance man that is able to carry the first date, start with these valuable first date tips.
Why These First Date Tips Are Important
When you use some dating tips, you’re better able to not only learn more about women — but also yourself.
People respond to you based on how you feel about yourself and carry yourself. So personality differences aside, your likelihood of a great first date begins with cultivating yourself first and foremost.
These tips go further than corny pickup lines and tactics and get to the heart of you becoming your best self.
With that in mind, let’s dive into the ten must-have tips you need to know to survive the first date.
1. Get a Workout In
When we were kids, we had to take PE class because we knew that physical exercise is vital to the body and the mind.
Going on a first date can be stressful, so burn off some of that anxiety with a testosterone boosting workout.
Some great workouts you should try in this regard include burpees, HIT exercises and good old fashioned weight training.
Jogging a few miles can also help you get the blood pumping, which is great for your endurance and mindset. You’ll be able to get rid of stress and prepare for your first date by sweating it out earlier in the day.
2. Tweak Your Wardrobe
You don’t need to be a GQ model, but make sure that your clothing speaks for you.
Invest in some nice, stylish items that fit your body type well. Make sure that the outfit you pick is appropriate for the date that you are going on.
The last thing you’d want is to be over or underdressed.
If you’re strapped for cash, don’t hesitate to hit a local thrift store for some nice items.
This is the most basic of all the first date tips: no matter what sort of date you’re going on, you need to look presentable and smell great.
Women are tuned into their senses, so a fresh shave, hot shower, and splash of to-die-for cologne are enough to create an amazing first impression.
Make sure that you brush your teeth thoroughly a few times. Don’t forget to brush your tongue to get rid of bad bacteria and breath-odor.
Look into some health and hygiene tips that make you look amazing — such as washing your face with raw, natural honey.
4. Clear Your Thoughts
Life is a mental game — especially in dealings with the opposite sex.
You’ll be on top of your game when you believe in yourself. This starts with getting control of your thoughts — particularly the negative ones that hold you back.
This starts with fear.
Fear can kill your charisma and make you second guess yourself. The worst part about fear is that it is highly irrational.
Sure, the worst might happen. But in most situations, the anticipation of something going wrong is far worse than something actually going wrong. Use visualization to both picture yourself having an amazing date and an awful date.
By allowing yourself to imagine both possibilities, you can stay in the moment instead of being bound to the outcome. Plus, this exercise often allows you to see that the thing you think is terrifying isn’t that bad at all.
Meditation is the most generally applicable to all aspects of your life of all the first date tips here.
Sit down in a quiet area and focus on your breathing. This form of meditation helps you to clear your thinking and stress, so you’re able to be yourself when on a date.
You will truly get the biggest benefits out of meditation when you choose to practice it every day.
5. Find Some Killer Date Ideas
One of the best first date tips is to figure out where you’re going and what you’re doing in advance.
The more you know about the date, the easier it’ll be to relax. It’s far easier to be yourself when you’re not bogged down in the logistics of the date.
If you really want your first dates to be killer, find some winning date ideas that you can execute to impress whoever you are taking out.
If you’re like most men, awkward silence during a date is one of your biggest fears.
These awkward silences are usually more mental than anything.
Simply put, your conversational skills will skyrocket when you realize that you have value. It’s easier to mumble, speak quietly or become introverted when you don’t have confidence in what you’re saying.
Confidence aside, you should practice speaking in the mirror and use some diction exercises. Tongue twisters are a fun way to warm up for speaking.
7. Crack Open Some Pertinent Literature
The dating game is rich with great literature that can inform your thought processes.
Consider some favorites like The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
Build your library and you’ll instantly become more capable and interested in the dating game.
8. Build Tension and Anticipation
You need to treat every date like a playful build, not a tedious obligation.
Don’t be afraid to tease and flirt. Since we have technology, you can do this through text messages.
Find some ways to playfully flirt through text messaging. This also gives you crucial info for blowing her socks off during the date.
As a guy, approaching the opposite sex is like entering into the Twilight Zone. You never know what you’re going to get out of a conversation, or even if you get one.
And worse, you may end up sucked into a situation that’s embarrassing. Plus, there’s always the risk of being boring, distasteful or intrusive.
There’s no denying it – females are a confusing breed. And if you don’t approach them correctly, you will suffer from side effects, such as lonely nights, evil glares and nervous laughter. But there’s hope yet.
In the following guide, we will discuss some things to talk about with a girl to give you a good head start.
So let’s see how you can improve your approach and engage in a conversation that’s longer than “hello.”
1. Light-Hearted Topics
Sure, girls dream of having an intense relationship with an intense guy. But this doesn’t mean you want to start off your conversations talking about intense topics.
So stay away from politics, religion, starting a family and other topics you should save for the fourth or fifth date. Instead, you should begin with a light subject – things you can talk about with any stranger.
For example, you can discuss the following:
Your favourite music
Plans for next weekend
Recent movies you’ve seen or want to see
What you did last weekend
As a rule of thumb, the topics should be PG and help open up the door to more conversation. These are great subjects for making the girl feel comfortable enough to open up about her own interests and plans.
Now, there are certain topics you should avoid like the plague. For instance, most girls who don’t know you will feel comfortable listening or talking about deaths in the family, first loves, or illnesses.
Try to keep your first conversations light and non-personal. You can save all the heavier stuff for future conversations after the two of you are well-acquainted.
There are certain signs you can watch for to determine if you are touching on a personal subject. So pay attention to her body language.
For example, looking away, tearing up, becoming rigid or backing away. Try to quickly change the subject if you notice any of these.
3. Smile, But Not Too Much
There’s a thin line between friendly and creepy. For example, smiling frequently throughout a conversation can be nice, but if you’re overdoing it, it’ll come off as sleazy or stalkerish.
As always, you want to come off as natural and genuine. So smile when it calls for one, such as when she says something cute or funny. Or when she looks nervous or shy.
Then if you can make her smile in return, then that’s an added bonus!
4. Ask Questions About Her
This is a little tricky because you don’t want to come off as intrusive. So remember to keep the concept of light-hearted topics in mind.
The questions you want to focus on include those revolving around her interests. For example, ask about her:
What’s great about asking questions is that it gets girls to talk and it gives you insight into who they are. You can covertly use that information to impress them in the future when it’s time for a date, gift-giving, or simply hanging out.
Be careful with this one, because a lot of girls are wary of guys who throw out compliments as a game. So when you give her one, make sure it’s authentic. Stay away from generic lines that you can use on any and every girl.
This will only turn the girl off and lose any points your winning smile awarded you. Instead, focus on something specific, such as a piece of jewellery she’s wearing or her personality.
Keep compliments minimal – about one per conversation.
6. Talk About Things You Have in Common
You can identify common ground easily after your first conversation (and even during). If you wish to keep your starter conversation flowing, then touch up on topics you both have an interest in.
That’s the point of asking light-hearted questions about entertainment, interests, and hobbies. There’s a lot to talk about when the two of you have your own experiences and ideas to share about a common interest.
7. Ask for Her Opinion On Something
Getting a girl to share her own thoughts is a bonus because it’ll get her talking and feeling valued. The key is to ask her opinion about something she’s actually knowledgeable about or has an interest in.
For instance, fashion, children, music, or a hairstyle. Another tip is to avoid asking a yes or no question. Present open-ended questions, so she will continue talking.
One example is to ask what she thinks about something, rather than asking if thinks something is good or bad.
8. Tell a Funny Joke
While you’re looking for things to talk about with a girl, why not tell a joke?
Most girls love to laugh, but getting them to can be very tricky. This is because humour is subjective. What’s funny to one girl may be disturbing to another.
So you want to focus on jokes that are less stand-up-comedic and more authentic. For instance, you can poke fun at yourself.
Your best bet is to wait until the middle or end of the conversation to crack a joke – after you know her a bit better. This way, you can gauge what will likely make her giggle.
As a species, human beings send signals that show interest in potential mates. If that sounds pretty basic, that’s because it is.
A woman has both subtle and obvious ways of letting us know if she is interested in us.
Is she interested? The signs may be there, but we can sometimes have a hard time interpreting them.
Over time we’ve found that if our fear of rejection is strong enough, we may not even approach and interact with a woman who is actually interested in us.
Tragically, 99% of men under 50 don’t know when a woman is flirting with them.
This article contains ten ways a woman shows that she is attracted to a man. By knowing these signs, we can answer the “Is she interested?” question for ourself and as a direct result approach women with confidence.
1. She’s Looking Your Way
Women check out men, though they aren’t as obvious about it as men are. She will cast a glance your way repeatedly. If you aren’t sure she’s looking at you, just give it some time.
Eventually, you will catch a quick sideways glance in your direction. And then another.
2. She Looks “Down” on You
Whenever you make eye contact with a new girl, she will look away until she gets to know you.
The trick is to notice which way her eyes go when she looks. If she looks to one side or the other, she is still deciding.
She looks down. Is she interested? Yes, absolutely. Looking down means that she does find you attractive.
Decided or not, she will most likely look back at you within 45 seconds, according to the late Dr. Timothy Perper, a sexologist who spent years studying flirting. Forty-five seconds is the standard length of time between looks.
However, if she looks up, it’s probably best that you move on. She is not interested. It’s not an eye-roll exactly, but the letdown is the same.
3. She Maintains Eye Contact
Once you get to know her a little, she will extend her eye contact.
She’s doing exactly what you are doing. She is taking time to look into your eyes, hold her gaze a little longer, and study you a little more.
Is she interested? I would say, yes.
4. Body Language
Flirting is all about sending signals. If you are still across the room from the woman, then it’s up to body language to get the message across and get your attention.
If she’s with a group and lets out a laugh or giggle over something said, she will most likely look over at you at that moment to make a connection, consciously or subconsciously.
Maybe she brisks by you in her high heels, hips swinging, as though she is in a hurry. She’s made herself pretty hard to miss.
She talks to her girlfriend, but she knows you’re watching. She runs her finger slowly around the top of her glass. She’s not fidgeting, my friend. She’s drawing your attention.
She absently grooms herself in your presence. She smooths her skirt, runs her fingers absently through her hair, or pushes her breasts out as she pushes in her chair.
5. She’s Closing In
Everyone has a personal space boundary. If a woman crosses yours, you can be confident she did it on purpose.
If you’re in a club, she will find a reason to move closer to you. She may even start dancing next to you, even if you aren’t on the dance floor.
This show for attention is a little obvious, but some men still manage to miss it. Don’t be one of them.
6. She Mirrors You
Both men and women do this when they want to attract someone. It may be conscious or subconscious.
She will mirror your mannerisms. You take a drink from your glass. She takes a drink from hers. You lean in. She leans in.
You lean in. She leans in. You get the idea.
7. She Casually Touches You
When a woman finds a way to brush your arm, or playfully slap your shoulder, she’s flirting. She is also expressing her attraction in a safe way.
Move a little closer until part of your leg touches hers. If she doesn’t push away, you could very well be a LOT closer later in the evening.
8. She Breaks from the Pack
In bars and clubs, women tend to stick together for practical reasons. In addition to general safety, their girlfriends have their backs in case they need backup.
If a woman separates herself from her group to be near you, is she interested? Need you ask at this point?
She’s not only left her group, but she’s decided that the mating dance is about over and it’s time for some one-on-one.
Don’t get too excited yet, by one-on-one I mean talking, and of course more flirting. Now, though, the opportunity to do more is definitely a possibility.
9. She Finds Reasons to Stay
If she has reason to end a conversation but doesn’t, you know her interest level is high. If she keeps the conversation going, or stays for that one last drink, she’s into you.
She may linger a few more minutes to be sure you ask for her number. She may even stay until morning.
10. She Goes All Submissive
If a woman gives you control over the situation, that is giving you permission to show male dominance.
She may ask you to order for her. If you’ve decided to leave together, she may have you suggest the place.
This doesn’t (necessarily) mean fuzzy handcuffs later, but it does show her comfort level with you and her interest in doing more.
Is She Interested in You or Not?
Now that you are armed with this information, you can answer that question for yourself the next time you see an attractive woman you’d like to approach.
Rather than have approach anxiety, you can now move towards her with confidence.
Of course, what to say when you get to her is a whole other article! If you’d like to contact us before then, fill out our contact form.
Thanks to modern technology, the dating world has evolved immensely. So much of how people connect nowadays is about what they say on a dating app or what emoji they use during a text conversation.
These virtual forms of communication can seem much more important than interacting with someone in a real, physical setting. Many people forget the subtle principles of dating and the rules of stealth attraction.
What exactly are these rules? How can you use them if you’re interested in a girl at the bar or the woman you just ran into at the coffee shop?
Read on to learn about these techniques and discover how you can implement them in your common, day-to-day life.
What Are Stealth Attraction Techniques?
The name “stealth attraction” should shed some light on what exactly these techniques are.
These are not grand, romantic gestures or loud, obnoxious ways to draw attention to yourself. They’re tips on how to flirt and engage with women in subtle ways.
These techniques are small and understated, but they can help men in major ways when it comes to pursuing women. They might seem like simple suggestions but can have a big impact.
Learn how you can create a more successful dating situation for yourself by following each specific technique below.
One-On-One Interaction in a Quiet Area
If you meet a woman in a loud place like a bar or a club, it’s easy to get distracted. Loud music, dark lighting, and people dancing can make it difficult to keep a good conversation going.
That’s why you want to find a quiet area to have a one-on-one interaction with a woman. With minimal noise and fewer people around, the two of you will have a more intimate setting to get to know each other.
How do you get into a one-on-one situation like this? It’s pretty easy.
Saying something as simple as, “Let’s head over here so I can hear you better.”
Just keep whatever you say to her short and direct. Don’t try to come up with any kind of crazy excuses.
What is the one thing that all women are universally attracted to? Confidence.
When you are in a one-on-one situation with a woman, she should be the only person in the room you are looking at. Not the floor or the entrance to the bar. Her and only her.
It’s also important to remember that people can read emotions just from looking into somebody’s eyes. A woman will be able to tell what you’re feeling. Show her you are interested by keeping eye contact.
Speak Lowly and Slowly
Listening is essential in order to keep anyone woman interested. When it is your turn to talk, however, don’t rush through your words.
Take your time. Breathe. Speak slowly and clearly so that she can follow what you are saying.
It’s not about how much you say, but what you say. According to a study, it’s also about how you say it.
Research shows that both men and women use lower voices when talking to a member of the opposite of the sex that they are attracted to.
By having your voice at a lower register, you’re showing your attraction toward the woman you are talking to. Plus, if she’s also talking quietly, it’s an indication she’s attracted to you as well.
One of the most subtle but important components of stealth attraction is body language.
How men carry themselves in front of women says a lot about not only their confidence but about whether or not they are interested in what the members of the opposite sex are saying.
Men who are fidgety or close themselves off to the women they are talking to project an image of disinterest. They appear to these women as if they would rather be anywhere else in the world.
Rule #1: Don’t write a boring profile. Because no one wants to read a boring profile. But also, remember that you’re not boring!
Okay, you might like long walks on the beach. But who doesn’t like that? But if you include that, then you’ve written a generic and lifeless profile. Because even if you do take long walks on the beach every night, it doesn’t actually say anything about who you are.
It’s hard to describe what a catch you are in a few seconds. This is especially because you’re already used to what makes you interesting. You were born. Someday you’ll die. Tell them about what happened in between!
Take the time to think about what makes you unique or exciting. Then, capture it with words the best way you can. And if it’s interesting, let them know how you got involved.
So you play football every Saturday? Cool. (Boring.) But wait. You play football with youths who are disadvantaged as a form of mentorship and a bit of fun, you say?
Now, that’s something.
2. Lying (Obviously)
Lying is a bit of a weird one because while you shouldn’t do it, analysts from Michigan State University and Cornell say almost everyone does.
The most common lie? Men tend to add an extra half inch to their height. It’s true that there’s a fine line between lying and embellishing the truth. But honestly, you shouldn’t do either. Lying always ends in disappointment when you meet people for a live date. Because unless you can lose 3 stone or grow (or shrink) in between getting a match and going on a date, it’s not going to work.
Here’s the best reason to tell the truth.
Who you are is good enough. Don’t worry about what you perceive as flaws or imperfections. Why? Because if you haven’t lied about it, your date probably won’t notice. Lying says more about you than just that you’re a fibber. It also says you don’t love yourself enough to receive love from someone else.
Photos are as tricky as the writing portion of your profile.
Choosing the right pictures is important. Unfortunately, even if you’ve got a great biography, the wrong pictures can send potential matches running. Have you uploaded 6 pictures of your hedgehog? What about a photo of your entire family (including second cousins) in themed outfits?
Did you upload a photo from your first wedding? Don’t do that. Ever.
These might be your favorite pictures. You looked awesome on your wedding day. We get it. But don’t use them. Because as much as your online dating experience is about you, it’s also about potential partners. To help possible matches use your photos to your advantage, follow these tips.
Use your photos to bolster your story. Great pictures tell them who you are.
Here are some easy tips for choosing pictures for dating profile:
A picture of you on your last vacation
A full-length photo
A photo showing your facial features
A pic of you doing something you love
A shot of something that illustrates something from your profile
Okay, that was easy. But here’s another quick list of what NOT to add:
Pictures of you in a group
Pictures of you in a group of ridiculously good-looking male models
The truth is that your fellow online dating warriors don’t care if you have professional photos. Though, use them if you have them! They want to put a face to the name. Potential dates want to know what you look like.
So show them! (And reassure them that they’re not being catfished.)
4. Writing an Essay in a Dating Profile
Okay, so you know who you are and what you want. But there’s no need to elaborate on every detail on your dating profile.
Your online profile is like an elevator pitch. You’re not trying to get a proposal before you’ve met. You want someone to show interest and email you.
Start a dialogue, not a relationship.
Keep your profile simple. Include the most important details to you. Tell them what you’re like. Let them know what kind of relationship you’re after. Talk about what you appreciate in a partner.
Mention any dealbreakers if you must. Do the same with must haves. If you’ve got 32 dogs, let her know. If you play guitar like Hendrix, definitely let them know. But, please, don’t write your own personal biography. They don’t want to know who did what to you to make you the way you are.
Seriously, that’s what the second date is for.
5. Being Too Picky
The profiles of hundreds of available single women are at your disposal. It’s not hard to find yourself comparing women like you would holiday prices.
Don’t do it.
Obsessing over every detail prevents you from finding the truly perfect woman.
It’s called analysis paralysis. All of a sudden, you’ll be making petty choices about a woman who listens to an obscure band but lives 500 miles away and a woman who doesn’t but is otherwise perfect and lives next door.
These are five dating profile mistakes almost every man makes. But you don’t need to be one of them.
Now that you’ve got your dating profile sorted, boost your chances for love with our award-winning live training.