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Subtext is the underlying theme behind our language, our actions and our behaviours. It’s the global perspective of thoughts as opposed to individual words, sentences and phrases.

It’s when someone asks us how we are, and we reply “I’m fine,” and without realising it our tone and our body language are sub communicating a completely different meaning.

The implications of understanding subtext are that we become more in-tune with the meanings and nuances in our interactions.

The undertone of subtext

If someone is complaining about their coffee being cold; yet this person has never protested before in their life, it’s a clue that perhaps they are venting their frustrations outwardly.

Women & Subtext (Full Video) - YouTube

Women & Subtext (Full Video)

When we are able to reply to the subtext of any given scenario, it gives us a tool to start communicating with people at a much deeper level. For example, asking them if they are feeling ok is a better strategy for deep level communication as opposed to the surface level discussion of their coffee.

Subtext allows us to recognise that it’s not really about their coffee, and in fact permits us to delve deeper to assist with their emotional needs.

Subtext in the real world

Often we are not able to communicate with each other effectively because we tend to focus on the outer shell of discussion, rather than opening up and seeing what’s inside. In a recent dating study, we can see that 59% of people agree that there is someone out there for everyone, so being able to understand their undertones allows us to connect at a much deeper level.

Being able to utilise subtext allows us to cut through layers of communication and get right to the core of women’s emotions, feelings and beliefs.

When we merge together different parts of her subtle sub communication cues, it allows us to really understand her as a whole rather than just focussing on the present conversation.

Tuning Into Subtext

When we are in dialogue with women having the ability to label the emotion behind her words is an extremely powerful tool. It shows that we are able to understand her as an individual.

For example, most of us try and solve a woman’s problems immediately, rather than trying to understanding the subtext of her words.

In my experience; here is a typical conversation than many men have with women.

Girl – “I can’t believe that they gave me a parking ticket; I was only parked there for 5 minutes max and there is nowhere else where I could have possibly parked my car. I’m a student and I can only just about afford to live while I study without having an extra fine for no reason.”

Most guys – “You can definitely fight that claim. I know someone who has got off the same thing. So don’t worry we can just write them a letter.”

The problem with this type of communication is that although we are trying to solve the physical problem, we are not doing anything to aid the emotional trauma by allowing her to vent her frustrations.

Utilising subtext – “it seems you’re frustrated and feel like it’s unfair.”  When we label her emotion correctly she’ll reply with either “yes” or “that’s right”.

Girl – “Yes; I really don’t know what to do.” The girl has now vocalised her emotions and been understood. It’s at this stage we are able to then give her a rational way of dealing with her concern.

Three core words for labelling emotions

It seems …

It appears …

It looks …

The Context of Subtext

To truly understand the undertones of any given scenario we need to look for clusters of information which paint the full picture.

So ideally we want to be hearing the words a girl is saying, listening to the tone of her voice and also paying attention to her body language.  When we are able to put all of these together in tandem we have the correct context to understand the subtext in its entirety.

For example; here are the same sentences spoken with different tonality and altered body language to create different meanings.

Example #1

Girl’s words – “I’m seeing someone.”

Girl’s tonality – Strong and stern.

Girl’s body language – Facing away

Subtext – She’s in a serious relationship and is not interested in us.

Example #2

Girl’s words – “I’m seeing someone.”

Girl’s tonality – Quiet and weak

Girl’s body language – Facing towards us

Subtext – She’s in a relationship currently, but see’s us as a potential partner.

Example #3

Girl’s words – “I’m seeing someone.”

Girl’s tonality – Quiet and weak.

Girl’s body language – Facing towards us and holding deep eye contact.

Subtext – She’s in a non-serious relationship and is interested in us.

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An emotion is a strong feeling stemming from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationship with others.

A connection is a relationship in which a person or thing is connected or associated with something else.

So, an emotional connection is where we are linked or associated with someone else via our emotions.

How Most Men Connect with Women

Most of us try and connect with women via factual information; which is surface level dialogue and offers no real emotional response.

We have the same job, we have the same hobbies, or we’ve travelled to the same places … Whilst these are commonalities; typically, they do not create any form of emotional response.

A great way of learning how to better connect with women is to imagine their emotions to be like a fluctuating heart rate monitor.

Where a flat line is when we have zero emotional response from women during an interaction. This happens when we try and bond over unemotive or boring topics.

There are many different ways to move women off this flat line in conversation. In this workshop we will be focussing on creating powerful positive and negative emotional connections with women.

Structure For Creating A Positive Emotional Connection Step 1 – Eliciting A Positive Emotion With The Right Conversation.

We can use both questions and statements to elicit emotional responses from women. The aim here is to move girls off the flat line in conversation by prompting some optimistic feelings.

Example Questions

Was that an exciting experience?

Was that a thrilling experience?

Did that feel emotionally energising?

Example Statements

It seems like that would be an electrifying experience.

That sounds sensational; tell me more about how your felt.

You must have felt motivated after you came through that tough period.

Emotional terms that generate a positive response:

Exciting

Thrilling

Stimulating

Electrifying

Sensational

Energising

Motivating

Our aim here is to allow women the opportunity to open about the joys in their life.

Step 2 – Going Deeper In Dialogue

Girl – “I’ve just got back from a really hard acting audition.”

Us – “How did that feel emotionally; must have been energising.”

Girl – “Yes; when I got out it was a huge sense of relief. Like I gave my all and I had nothing left.”

Her emotionally charged words in this conversation are “gave my all.” And “had nothing left.”

At this stage the girl is opening about her emotions and as a result we are moving her away from the flat line in conversation, and towards feeling some strong and powerful positive emotions.

Step 3 – Repeating back the emotionally charged words

Us – “So when you gave you all and you had nothing left; how does that make you feel?”

Girl – “Proud.”

At this stage we have successfully moved her away from a flat line in conversation and we can now begin to connect with her on a much deeper level.

How To Connect With Women Emotionally (Full Video) - YouTube

How To Connect With Women Emotionally

Step 4 – Connect with core emotion about your life.

Us – I feel at my most proud when I’m really struggling at the gym and I don’t quit I carry on and I know that later I’ll look back and feel extremely proud of my achievement.

We can then continue to delve into this conversation until we get a sense that we are going too deep; at this stage we then want to fluctuate to the other end of the emotional spectrum.

Structure For Creating A Negative Emotional Connection Step 1 – Eliciting A Negative Emotion With The Right Conversation.

We can use both questions and statements to elicit emotional responses from women. The aim here is to move women off a flat line in conversation by prompting some negative emotions.

Example Questions

How did that difficult experience make you feel?

Was that emotionally tough to take?

How did you get through that trying time?

Example Statements

It seems like that would be an extremely hard task.

Tell me more about the challenges you overcame.

How did that feel emotionally; just have been strenuous .

Terms:

Difficult

Tough

Trying

Hard

Challenging

Strenuous

Demanding

Our aim here is to enter into the underworld; we want her to open up about the difficulties in her life. This principle adds depth to our dialogue with women.

Step 2 – Going Deeper In Dialogue

Girl – “I’ve just got back from a really hard acting audition.”

Us – “I imagine that must be a difficult experience.”

Girl – “Well I’m really tired today and I just wanted to quit half way through.”

 Her emotionally charged words in this conversation are “tired” and “wanted to quit.”

At this stage the girl is opening up about her emotions and as a result we are moving her away from a flat line in conversation towards feeling some strong and powerful negative emotions.

Step 3 – Repeat back the emotionally charged words.

Us – “So when you’re tired and wanting to quit; how would you describe that negative emotion?”

Girl – “Strenuous and difficult”

At this stage we have successfully moved her away from the flat line in conversation and we can begin to connect with her based on her fundamental feelings.

#40 - Conversation Ammunition - YouTube

Conversation Ammunition

Step 4 – Connect with her core emotion.

Us – I often feel that life can be strenuous and difficult a lot of the time. As kids we’re not taught how to deal with our emotions and it can very difficult not to let them get in the way especially when we’re trying to perform.

We can then continue this conversation until we get a sense that we are going too deep; then we can fluctuate back to a more positive theme.

How To Truly Connect With Women – The Perfect Blend Of Emotions

In my experience the best way to truly connect with women is to first focus on the negative end of the spectrum. This is normally the area that most men are too scared to delve down deeper; due to the vulnerability required to truly relate based on our inner most feelings.

Once we have connected with her roots in the underworld; we can then bond within the sky of her conscioow usness; thus creating the perfect blend of emotional dynamism.

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We recently hosted a course in London highlighting 17 ways that we can develop our confidence with women. On the training day we covered tried and tested ways to be more dominant during our interactions with women.

In the following video blog you’ll see each of these principles explained in detail with real video footage from our event.

If you like the content of this article then why not share it with a friend or come and attend one of our live training courses to increase your confidence with women in the real world.

Principle #1: The Stone-Cold Eyes

When we meet new women we tend to have an autopilot response to either shake their hand or to kiss them on the check.

Stone-cold eyes is a technique which we can utilise before our normal autopilot responses. We simply pause for 1-2 seconds and force eye contact with women before we greet them.

This method allows girls to become fully present and recognise that we are taking the lead in the interaction by making our presence felt right from the start.

Gary Gunn Demonstrates His Secret Stone Cold Eyes Technique - YouTube

Gary Gunn Demonstrates His Secret Stone Cold Eyes Technique

This technique is really saying “I’m here and you should pay attention to me.”

This principle is best employed to show off our confidence the very first time that we meet anyone new. It can be utilised with women in a dating scenario through to work interviews and social get-togethers.

Principle #2: The Prevailing Handshake

When we shake hands with women we tend to meet them half way; so we both move our arms and greet each other in the middle.

The prevailing handshake is a powerful way to show off our dynamism during an initial greeting by moving women closer to us rather than meeting them half way.

The moment we clasp a girl’s hand we draw her closer to us rather than keeping a distinct level of distance. In the two images we can see the moments before we draw women in closer to us via the use of our body language.

Gary Gunn's Prevailing Handshake Principle - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Prevailing Handshake Principle

When implemented correctly this technique comes across as a gracious greeting that gives off an air of confidence.

As with the stone-cold eye principle this technique is best used the first time that we meet someone new; it can also be used in tandem to create a more impactful first impression.

Principle #3: The Stripper’s Introduction

A high energy introduction allows us to show off a multitude of good attributes within the first few seconds of meeting women.

The stripper’s introduction is a method of greeting people that sub-communicates “I’m fun and I’m going to make your time with me enjoyable.”

When we put a lot of effort into smiling and offering a warm introduction it adds liveliness to the interaction.

Gary Gunn's Stripper’s Introduction In Action - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Stripper’s Introduction In Action

The more dynamism we use the more we are giving the girl a sense that we have good genetics, a lot of energy to expel and that we’re going to have fun together.

This technique is best used any time that we greet anyone; the more energy we expel the more important we make the individual feel; it’s like we are gifting them some of our vibe.

Principle #4: The Slow Motion Man

When we are around attractive women we tend to feel anxious and as a result our adrenaline kicks in and we speed up our movements and speaking speed.

The slow motion man is a technique where we slow down our movements to make a powerful impact; it’s expressing “I’m in total control here and I’m not anxious.”

If we imagine the control a dancer possesses when he is leading a lady; we can replicate this by slowing down our own action when we sit down or take a sip of our drink.

Gary Gunn's Slow Motion Man Technique - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Slow Motion Man Technique

This technique is best utilised any time we are making a body movement, so when we sit down we should retain total control of our body and not just fall; and similarly when we raise our glass to drink we can aim to take twice the amount of time.

Principle #5: The Firing Boss Method

One of the biggest differences we can make to our success with women is by the way that we sit; when we exhibit strong body language we tend to look and feel more powerful.

The firing boss method is when we imagine that we are about to sack an employee and we are focussed and giving them our attention whilst knowing that we are in complete control and about to fire them.

When we are able to sit back, take up space and feel composed, all of a sudden we become more able to have better interactions with women.

When we are holding back that we are about to fire them we also give off a strong air of confidence, mystery and power.

Gary Gunn's Firing Boss Method - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Firing Boss Method

This technique is best used in every single context when we are sat down with women who we find attractive as well as work environments and all social settings.

Principle #6: The Tongue Sucking Technique

When we meet attractive women it’s normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed. This typically manifests itself with us speaking faster than usual and perhaps with a higher pitch.

The tongue sucking technique can be utilised when instead of speaking, we internally suck our own tongue which prevents us from speaking.

To anyone observing us it’s not apparent what we are doing, but this action will allow us to avoid speaking impulsively and without due consideration.

If we are able to suck our tongue for 2 seconds after a girl has spoken whilst holding her eye contact it allows us to begin to start building sexual tension.

Gary Gunn's Silent Tongue Sucking Technique - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Silent Tongue Sucking Technique

This technique is best used after a girl has spoken about a topic for more than 10 seconds; as it allows us to take in what she has just articulated.

Principle #7: The Secret Spy

It can be very easy to lose control of our body langauge when we are in dialogue with attractive women. If we are able to maintain a powerful posture then we come across as assured and relaxed in conversation.

The secret spy technque is when we act like we have an ear-piece in, stand in a powerful and controlled way and act as if anything happens we can take control.

This pose command respect and allow women to feel relaxed in our presence as we are exuding an air of confidence. The more composed and confident we feel on the inside the more our confidence is noticed by women in our vicinity.

Gary Gunn Exposes His Secret Spy Principle - YouTube

Gary Gunn Exposes His Secret Spy Principle

This technique is best used anytime that we are standing and talking to anyone; it allows us to feel commanding whilst also looking like we are in complete control of the situation.

Principle #8: The Hot Girl Walking Past

Often when we are attracted to women we tend to become too invested into the interaction; it’s as if they are the only person in the world who matters in that moment.

The hot girl walking past method allows us to break the intensity of an interaction by looking over “as if” an attractive woman is walking past; we simply glance over in her direction.

The beauty of this technique is that if the girl also glances over she’ll see nothing there and as a result will recognise that you decided to lead and break the intensity of the conversation.

It’s a principle which allows us to maintain our confidence in the interaction and not become too far embroiled into the nuances of the specific topic of discussion.

Gary Gunn's Hot Girl Walking Past Strategy - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Hot Girl Walking Past Strategy

This technique is best used when we are having an in-depth conversation with a girl and wish to break the intensity so that we can lead the dialogue in a different direction.

Principle #9: The Date With Two Supermodels

When we first meet women it can be very easy to forget all of our plans for that moment as in our mind “talking to her is way more important.”

The date with two supermodels technique allows us to be running 5 minutes late to an engagement already; meaning that any interaction that we are having is making us even later.

When we adopt this mindset we fully focus our mind on making the most impactful impression possible and as quickly as possible. Additionally, it allows us to take a girl’s number quickly and with more conviction.

This method also reduces the initial anxiety of approaching new women as we know that we only have to invest a limited amount of our time in the interaction.

Gary Gunn's Date With Two Supermodels Technique - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Date With Two Supermodels Technique

This technique can be adopted when we are meeting women during the day and wish to go in with a high energy approach; it also works well if we’re feeling tired.

Principle #10: The Hypnotic Three-way

Moving from a normal conversation to getting ready to kiss a girl can often prove to be a sticking point for many of us; especially if we are feeling anxious.

The hypnotic triangle is a method which allows us to increase sexual tension with the woman we like whilst also keeping our anxiety levels low.

The technique involves flicking from holding her left eye in focus, to her right eye and then finally to her mouth. We keep this rotation going until we feel the sexual tension increasing.

The best part of this principle is that from a girl’s perspective we are holding much stronger eye contact with her then most men that she meets on a day to day basis.

Gary Gunn's Hypnotic Three Way Principle - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Hypnotic Three Way Principle

The ideal time to use this principle is when you like a girl and would like to increase the sexual tension between both of you before you kiss her. It’s also a great tool to use more generally you we struggle to hold eye contact with anyone in conversation.

Principle #11: The King of The Jungle Posture

Although we may not realise it; women tend to notice us before we approach and interact with them, and so our actions before we greet them are extremely pertinent to any first impression.

The king of the jungle posture allows us to make our charisma felt before we engage new women in conversation.

The method involves posturing with our body language by sticking out our chest; this movement acts as a nonverbal sign of dominance.

If done correctly it will trigger women to feel that they are around an attractive man with high levels of self confidence.

Gary Gunn's King Of The Jungle Posture - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s King Of The Jungle Posture

This technique is best used as soon as we seen an attractive girl that we would like to engage in conversation in any social environment. Seeing a lady we like should trigger our king of the jungle posture.

Principle #12: The High On Marijuana Method

Taking the necessary steps to physically escalate with women to the point of kissing them is wrought with potential problems.

The high on marijuana method allows us to slow down our dialogue and hold strong eye contact with women which permit us to create sexual tension.

To engage in this technique correctly we need to assign a percentage of our attention away from the girl using our peripheral vision, whilst maintaining her eye contact.

This principle inhibits our ability to think as fast; and as a result we slow down our thoughts and our eye contact becomes more personal.

Gary Gunn's High On Marijuana Method - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s High On Marijuana Method

This principle is best used when we want to shift the energy of the interaction towards more intimate feelings which can lead up to the very first kiss.

Principle #13: The Investigative Journalist

Controlling the frame of an interaction allows us to lead the conversation into any direction of our choosing.

The investigative journalist principle is a technique which allows us to shine the focus of any interaction firmly onto the girl, by challenging her thoughts and beliefs in conversation.

Whenever a girl offers an opinion on a topic of discussion, we respond with “So what you’re saying is…” The objective is to paraphrase her words like we are interviewing her for a news feature.

Gary Gunn's Investigative journalist Routine - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Investigative journalist Routine

This principle can be utilised to rephrase what they are saying in a funny way or by tuning into the subtext of their words to connect with her at a deeper level. The aim is to offer a different type of conversation to keep the interaction fun and engaging.

Principle #14: The 10 Word Rule

Being able to have fun with women during our interactions shows a huge level of confidence. This is especially true when we are amusing ourselves throughout the interaction.

The 10 word rule is a way of interrupting women in conversation to frustrate them to the point of inducing some mischievous tension into the conversation.

To implement the 10 word rule all we have to do is to interrupt what a girl is saying every 10 words. We simply ask them an irrelevant question or disrupt their thought processes.

This technique is a way of flirting with women who we know are already attracted to us and is seen as a playful way of flirting.

Gary Gunn's Hilarious 10 Word Rule - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Hilarious 10 Word Rule

This principle is best adopted when we are speaking with a girl 1-1 and we want to induce some fun energy into the interaction.

Principle #15: The Drunk & Falling Over Principle

Approaching women on the street can be a difficult task which consumes a lot of our energy, so it’s important to relax ourselves as quickly as possible when we enter into a new conversation.

The drunk and falling over principle is a technique to remind ourselves that we have to lean against something or sit down before we literally fall over onto the floor.

All we have to do is to move together to a place where we can lean against an object or sit down to relax our posture.

Once we are in this position we’ll notice that our nerves as well as the girl’s tend to subside so we can focus more on the conversation.

Gary Gunn's Drunk & Falling Over Principle - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Drunk & Falling Over Principle

This principle is more of a mental ritual to remember that we need to relax as soon as possible when we meet new women by taking control of our body language.

Principle #16: The “Looking Up At Me” Method

Being physically tall is an attractive quality in men because it illuminates good genetics. The other notable consequence of being a tall man is that women are always looking up at them in conversation.

The “looking up at me” method is when we place our self in a physically higher position than women so that they have to look up to us in dialogue.

It’s the same reason that kings sit on a throne and judges preside over a court, as it paints a picture of them being “above us” which is highly powerful.

The archetypal image of power in artistic terms is almost always also conveyed via the use of stature; it appears to be inbred in our subconscious mind.

Gary Gunn's Influential "Looking Up At Me" Method - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Influential “Looking Up At Me” Method

This technique is best used in any scenario where we are in dialogue with anyone where we wish to come across as confident and ”kingly”.

Principle #17: The Going Home Alone Technique

There are certain behaviours which are guaranteed to put women off and ultimately lead us to being left alone and solitary.

The going home alone technique is where we give off signs that we are jealous, negative and insecure in conversation. It’s where we intentionally commit all of the most unattractive behaviours possible.

This principle becomes fun when it’s clear and obvious that we’re not really this type of man and in fact are simply using the technique as a fun and intriguing role play.

It’s the same way that if an “attractive girl” suddenly told us that no guy ever approaches her and she can never get a date, we would know that she was joking.

Gary Gunn's Famous Going Home Alone Technique - YouTube

Gary Gunn’s Famous Going Home Alone Technique

This technique is best used in high octane environments such as a bars, nightclubs and big social engagements when we are in dialogue with a girl that we think is attracted to us as a person.

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#29 - Distinguishing The Difference Between Confidence And Arrogance - SoundCloud
(713 secs long, 22 plays)Play in SoundCloud

There is a confidence in arrogance; and an arrogance in confidence.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary:

“Confidence” is a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

“Arrogance” is having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.

Even when we define these two terms; clearly there are still some discrepancies which require further investigation.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #2: A Meaningful Metaphor

Confidence arises when we take our area of expertise and specialise in one specific area of human endeavour. It’s like being a Premier League football player and advising young aspiring football players.

Arrogance arises when we take our area of expertise and globalise that we have value in other areas of human endeavour. It’s like being a Premier League football player and advising your friends on their tax affairs.

A question we can ask ourselves before we give advice is to establish whether we are speaking with an informed opinion, normally because it’s our profession (confidence) or whether we are giving a global opinion with no real knowledge (arrogance).

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #3: Examples

Let’s contrast these terms with three cast iron examples

A confident man – admits he doesn’t know everything.
An arrogant man – thinks he knows everything.

A confident man – Is open to gaining new insights.
An arrogant man – Is closed to new learning opportunities.

A confident man – Persuades others with his in-depth knowledge.
An arrogant man – Manipulates others by enforcing his opinion.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #4: A Remedy For Arrogance

One powerful tool we can use to move from “arrogance” to “confidence” in conversation is related to our ability to maintain an open mind in our interactions.

The Greek philosopher Socrates was the master of openness is dialogue and offered us a great technique to become more open-minded as an individual; it termed the Socratic Way.

In a nutshell, we insert one of the following pre-supposition to the beginning of any of our advice and it allows us to become more confident and less arrogant. Here’s a contrast:

“Rocky is the best film ever”
“In my experience, Rocky is the best film ever”

“Running is the best way to lose weight”
“What I’ve found is that running is the best way to lose weight”

“The library is the best place to write”
“What I’ve learned is that the library is the best place to write”

By speaking from our own experiences we are being open and honest (confident) without trying to come across like we know everything (arrogance).

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #5: A Second Remedy For Arrogance

Now that we have established that arrogance comes from an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance; we can move one level deeper and recognise that this typically comes from an insecurity.

When we are arrogant we feel like we are at the top of the dominance hierarchy and that everyone else is below us.

When we are confident we recognise that there are an infinite amount of dominance hierarchies and we are at the top only of our specialised field of knowledge.

So where does arrogance come from?

In my professional opinion arrogance is directly related to our insecurities. The more insecure we are; the more arrogant we become.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #6: A Personal Story

Let me share a personal story.

When I first started coaching I thought that I had to convey that I knew everything about the dating world; I thought I had to have all the answers to all dating related questions. Without realising it I was coming across as arrogant and people didn’t warm to me.

Fast forward a decade and now, I know what I know and I also know what I don’t know; nowadays people not only warm to me but rather gravitate.

In my understanding, there is a magnetism that stems from confidence and a repulsion that derives from arrogance.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #7: How Do We Become Less Insecure?

In my own life, there have been three powerful ways that have led me to become less insecure as the years roll on.

1. Self-expression – When I moved from being a content consumer to a content creator I felt like I had found my place in the world.

2. Reading – I’ve read nearly every day for over a decade; the more knowledge I gain the more relaxed I’ve become.

3. Professionalism – Taking on my responsibilities in life with a proficient attitude has allowed me to feel more put together and like my life is more in order.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #8: A Third Remedy For Arrogance

Questions offer us a key insight into not only our own confidence/arrogance but also to know more about the person we’re conversing with.

To be concise; questions in the English language are used to gain value that we don’t currently know or possess. Here’s an example:

An arrogant man tends to ask no questions and share only his thoughts.
A confident man tends to speak with a blend of questions and statements.
An unconfident man tends to only ask questions.

Often when arrogant people feel that you have some insight which they don’t know; they will want an immediate answer and have no time to listen to any context; it’s tell me now or don’t bother as my time is important. There is no thought that the other person’s time is just as important; it’s an egotistical way of communicating.

When a confident person is in dialogue you will often hear them ask these types of questions:

“I didn’t know that; can you explain.”
“I don’t understand what you mean”
“I’ve never looked at it like that; that’s interesting.”

Arrogant people will never ask these types of questions as they do not wish to admit that they don’t know; they are afraid of showing weakness due to their insecurities in life.

They will typically go quiet or if they do ask questions they will be in jest with no real value placed on your response.

The word “humble” appears to be a fitting word to describe an aspect of confidence; whilst arrogance rears its ugly face in the sea of pretence.

The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance #9: Real Resources

In my own life studying Philosophy has been the best way to learn to be more confident and less arrogant. When we are able to view the world from different perspectives; we then begin to realise the very small amount of information we actually know.

With this realisation comes a more well-rounded outlook on the world and more confidence in what we do know; and openness to what we don’t.

There is a series called Philosophy in an hour which offers us the insights of the greatest thinkers in our history which is a good place to start.

Now, to conclude, I hope this podcast has afforded you the ability to have confidence in your arrogance; arrogance in your confidence and the wisdom to know the difference.

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We’re pleased to announce our brand new collaboration with SpeedDater; the UK’s leading speed dating company. As a result, we’ve decided to write the following article offering single men the latest advice on how to improve their results at speed dating functions.

Loads of single women all in one room with the sole aim of meeting their ideal guy; sounds great right? Whilst this is correct, we’ve noticed that there are certain strategies we can implement which allow us to make a more impactful impression during the course of a speed dating event.

So we’re happy to offer the following ‘cheat sheet’ or guide on how to get the most from a speed dating experience.

The Benefits of Speed dating

At Social Attraction, we have a community filled with all of our previous and existing clients that have been speed dating for over a decade. Over that period we’ve been working as a team; learning, testing and refining all different types of strategies.

What we’ve found is that in addition to utilising online dating (if you haven’t got a copy of Gary Gunn’s best selling online dating book you can grab a copy here) and approaching and interacting with women during our normal daily activities (which you can find out more about on our live training page), speed dating should also make up a part of our global dating strategy.

Speed dating is a wonderful opportunity to allocate specific time where we know that we are going to be able to meet single women; often this can take some pressure off feeling lonely and single as this offers hope. In a nutshell, speed dating is a good idea and after reading this article you should look to book your first event.

The Science of Speed dating

One scientifically proven fact by Robert Cialdini is that we are intrinsically drawn towards ‘scarcity’; meaning that the fact that we are at a speed dating event indicates that we have a lack of dating options in our lives.

So when we are attending speed dating events we have to ensure that we are sub-communicating other attractive qualities to counteract this concern. The more high-status indicators we can give off over the course of the evening, the more matches we’ll be left with at the end of the night.

One great strategy to implement is to get to the event early and speak to the other men who are attending as it enables us to get warmed up conversationally. It also allows us to be having fun and socialising when women arrive; this ensures that we generate the best possible first impression.

Questions To Ask During Speed Dating

Many of us will search online for the best questions to ask women at a speed dating event; the issue is that most of us then end up asking girls the same types of questions time and again. From a female perspective, this instantly makes us come across as boring, unimaginative and lacking social awareness.

One great way to combat this is to make statements as opposed to asking questions. So rather than asking women questions like what they do for a living or where they are from; instead just take an educated guess. It really doesn’t matter whether we guess right or wrong, the point here is to separate ourselves from the standard interview type questions that most men will ask her over the course of the evening.

When we employ this strategy we’ve noticed that our interactions are more engaging, spontaneous and fun.  From a girl’s perspective; we’ve instantly set ourselves apart from the other men that she’s met that evening. When it comes to ticking boxes at the end of the night we want to be the guy that she remembers for being different, intriguing and socially intelligent.

Does Speed Dating Work For Guys?

One of the most powerful principles that we’ve found works at speed dating events is the art of being mysterious. The more enigmatic we come across, the more women will want to know more about us. Think about why we watch films all the way to their conclusion; it’s because we want to know what happens at the end. A mystery is powerful and a mystery is attractive.

The best way to do this is to be vague with our answers and not give away too much information about ourselves. There is a process of dating and nothing is more unattractive to women than a man speaking too much and trying to convey he’s amazing. Instead, take the opposite approach and allow women to want to find out more about us.

Remember the final result of speed dating is to generate matches at the end of the evening so that we can continue to get to know each other on a more intimate date. By being mysterious we are offering women a cliff-hanger moment where they’ll want to see us again to see what happens next.

Body Language To Utilise At Speed Dating Events

Normally when we meet women we tend to keep our body language facing directly towards them; we’ve noticed that this tends to create pressure and normally ends up being like an interview as opposed to a fun interaction.  Instead of sitting facing women; sit with your body facing slightly away from the girl, at a 30-degree angle is fine. This immediately reduces the pressure and allows the girl (and us) to be in a more relaxed mood.

The other main body language error that occurs when speed dating is that men tend to lean in too much when they are talking to women. This comes across as desperate and try-hard, whilst also putting unnecessary pressure on the interaction. Instead, sit back and relax, and if you can’t hear what she is saying then ask her to speak louder.

Likewise if women can’t hear what you are saying then speak louder; this often also allows us to speak slower and as a result, come across as more confident.  The main point about our body language is that we should be relaxed; like we are sitting in a coffee shop conversing with our close friends.

Eye Contact & Smiling At Speed Dating Events

Sexual tension is one of the most powerful ways to create attraction in women. It’s been scientifically proven that the more prolonged our eye contact is with girls the more we begin to release “love hormones”, “oxytocin” and “endorphins” which are all linked to the feeling of attraction.

One of the best ways to hold eye contact with women is after we’ve finished speaking; we simply hold her gaze until she breaks the silence and speaks first. This may feel uncomfortable initially, but with some practice, you’ll begin to feel more relaxed utilising this strategy and you’ll feel the sexual tension growing.

Smiling and laughing is one of the common ways that we tend to break sexual tension. Contrary to popular advice; when we are speaking to women and sexual tension is being created, this is the time when we don’t want to smile or laugh. We want that tension to continue to grow and not interrupt it in any way. If you watch any Hollywood romance films; you’ll notice there is always the silent pause with eye contact before that very first kiss.

What To Wear Speed Dating

The general advice that we offer men at our live training events is to wear fitted clothes. This includes making sure that your jeans/trousers aren’t too long, your blazers are tailored and you’ve taken the time to iron all of your clothes.

With regards to attire, it’s important to remember that women are more likely to notice if we are dressed badly as opposed to if we are dressed well. So as a bare minimum make sure your hygiene is up to standard by showering, brushing your teeth and having some fresh mints before and during the event.

One final piece of advice is that sometimes speed dating events can be rather warm and when mixed with the stress of talking to attractive women can lead you to sweat more. So make sure you’re wearing extra antiperspirant or clothing which doesn’t show off sweat patches.

Aftershave, Accessories & Socks To Wear Speed Dating

Accessories are a great way to illuminate our personality; be it a unique necklace, a smart watch or even brightly coloured socks.  Our aim is to make it as easy as possible for women to want to converse with us, and accessories allow us to do this in a non-verbal way. You’ll know if you’ve got it right because a few different women will ask you the same types of questions referring to your accessories.

When it comes to aftershave; wearing a nice scent instantly arouses a woman’s sensations in a way that most men often overlook. Similarly to our clothes, the aim here is to not smell bad as that puts women off (including our breath). The best thing to do is to ask a few female friends what their favourite men’s scent is and then go and test a few; selecting the best one for you as an individual. Once again take note if you receive compliments from women as this will show that you’re on the right track.

One of our clients wears a hat to speed dating events and puts his hat on the girl’s head that he likes the most; knowing that she’ll have to return it to him later and continue the conversation. We’re not advising you do the same; but rather look for unique ways to highlight your personality through the use of accessories.

How To Still Get Results Speed Dating

Rather than looking at speed dating as a one-off event; we’ve found that it’s better to view it as part of a larger dating strategy.  For example, if we are able to meet other like-minded single men at the events, then they could also serve as good wingmen to go out together and meet other single women.

The other benefit of meeting other men at the events is that they may have a social circle of single women that they can also introduce you to; meaning that we are not just limited to meeting the women at the event. Don’t be afraid to ask the other guys if they have any single friends that they think would like you.

For bonus points at a speed dating event; if you have single female friends then attend the event together. Already being with women instantly conveys a lot of good characteristics and will allow you to make a better first impression; meaning that the girls will generally be warmer in conversation during your allotted time together.

Instant Date After Speed Dating

When we go speed dating; we should approach it with confidence. This means assuming that we are going to go on an instant date with one of the women immediately after the event.  Often girls will not be by themselves at speed dating events; so selecting suitable group venues with a nice environment, for example, a secret cocktail bar just around the corner, makes it very easy for women to join us.

The other aim as alluded to earlier is that if you made friends with the other guys there; then it’s likely that one of them will match with one of the other girls and then you can all go on an instant date together. This allows both of the women to feel safe as part of a group environment.

Once you have left the speed dating event you are now no longer individuals who have gone to a speed dating function; instead, you are a group of people going out to have fun together. You’ll notice that the dynamic changes and becomes far more relaxed, fun and engaging.

Games To Play After Speed Dating

One of the best ways to get to know women on a date is to play a fun game. This takes the pressure of the interaction and allows you to get to know each other under the rules of a fun and engaging game. We’ve found that having a game to play within a group is also extremely powerful as it allows everyone to participate; it also allows us to lead the group interactions which is highly alluring to women.

On our live training courses, we teach a really fun game known as “the questions game”. This game has such great parameters and can be used on a solo date, in groups or even over text messaging. The reason why we love this game is that it’s never the same, and often we get some amazing questions posed to us which we’ve never considered before.

Playing fun games on dates also allows us to highlight our social intelligence; by not getting bogged down in boring questions and keeping the engagement lighthearted. The more fun we have the more likely that women will want to see us again in person. As an extra tip always organise the next time you’ll see each other there and then, as liaising calenders can be difficult over text messages.

Want More Guidance Speed Dating?

If you’d like to get even better results speed dating or in real life scenarios with women then you can claim your free dating consultation here. You’ll be able to find out more about the various courses that we offer that will help you to become more attractive to women.

If you’ve enjoyed this article then please share it with a friend.

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The dating game requires you to be on your toes at all times.

The landscape is always changing due to societal norms and differences in the way we communicate.

As a man in this day and age, it’s your responsibility to learn how to relate to the opposite sex. Thankfully for you, you also live in the information age, so you can always take in new knowledge to step up your game.

If you’d like to be a renaissance man that is able to carry the first date, start with these valuable first date tips.

Why These First Date Tips Are Important

When you use some dating tips, you’re better able to not only learn more about women — but also yourself.

People respond to you based on how you feel about yourself and carry yourself. So personality differences aside, your likelihood of a great first date begins with cultivating yourself first and foremost.

These tips go further than corny pickup lines and tactics and get to the heart of you becoming your best self.

With that in mind, let’s dive into the ten must-have tips you need to know to survive the first date.

1. Get a Workout In

Seriously.

When we were kids, we had to take PE class because we knew that physical exercise is vital to the body and the mind.

Going on a first date can be stressful, so burn off some of that anxiety with a testosterone boosting workout.

Some great workouts you should try in this regard include burpees, HIT exercises and good old fashioned weight training.

Jogging a few miles can also help you get the blood pumping, which is great for your endurance and mindset. You’ll be able to get rid of stress and prepare for your first date by sweating it out earlier in the day.

2. Tweak Your Wardrobe

You don’t need to be a GQ model, but make sure that your clothing speaks for you.

Invest in some nice, stylish items that fit your body type well. Make sure that the outfit you pick is appropriate for the date that you are going on.

The last thing you’d want is to be over or underdressed.

If you’re strapped for cash, don’t hesitate to hit a local thrift store for some nice items.

3. Hygiene Is King

This is the most basic of all the first date tips: no matter what sort of date you’re going on, you need to look presentable and smell great.

Women are tuned into their senses, so a fresh shave, hot shower, and splash of to-die-for cologne are enough to create an amazing first impression.

Make sure that you brush your teeth thoroughly a few times. Don’t forget to brush your tongue to get rid of bad bacteria and breath-odor.

Look into some health and hygiene tips that make you look amazing — such as washing your face with raw, natural honey.

4. Clear Your Thoughts

Life is a mental game — especially in dealings with the opposite sex.

You’ll be on top of your game when you believe in yourself. This starts with getting control of your thoughts — particularly the negative ones that hold you back.

This starts with fear.

Fear can kill your charisma and make you second guess yourself. The worst part about fear is that it is highly irrational.

Sure, the worst might happen. But in most situations, the anticipation of something going wrong is far worse than something actually going wrong. Use visualization to both picture yourself having an amazing date and an awful date.

By allowing yourself to imagine both possibilities, you can stay in the moment instead of being bound to the outcome. Plus, this exercise often allows you to see that the thing you think is terrifying isn’t that bad at all.

Meditation is the most generally applicable to all aspects of your life of all the first date tips here.

Sit down in a quiet area and focus on your breathing. This form of meditation helps you to clear your thinking and stress, so you’re able to be yourself when on a date.

You will truly get the biggest benefits out of meditation when you choose to practice it every day.

5. Find Some Killer Date Ideas

One of the best first date tips is to figure out where you’re going and what you’re doing in advance.

The more you know about the date, the easier it’ll be to relax. It’s far easier to be yourself when you’re not bogged down in the logistics of the date.

If you really want your first dates to be killer, find some winning date ideas that you can execute to impress whoever you are taking out.

6. Get Comfortable with Conversation

If you’re like most men, awkward silence during a date is one of your biggest fears.

These awkward silences are usually more mental than anything.

Simply put, your conversational skills will skyrocket when you realize that you have value. It’s easier to mumble, speak quietly or become introverted when you don’t have confidence in what you’re saying.

Confidence aside, you should practice speaking in the mirror and use some diction exercises. Tongue twisters are a fun way to warm up for speaking.

7. Crack Open Some Pertinent Literature

The dating game is rich with great literature that can inform your thought processes.

Consider some favorites like The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.

Build your library and you’ll instantly become more capable and interested in the dating game.

8. Build Tension and Anticipation

You need to treat every date like a playful build, not a tedious obligation.

Don’t be afraid to tease and flirt. Since we have technology, you can do this through text messages.

Find some ways to playfully flirt through text messaging. This also gives you crucial info for blowing her socks off during the date.

9. Get Your Money in Order

The first date is about getting to know each other, so set a price limit and make sure you’re not trying to impress through spending.

However, you need to have enough money in your pocket to be comfortable.

In addition to paying during the date, you’ll need to set aside money for grooming, wardrobe, travel and any other incidentals.

10. Hire a Coach

If you really want some amazing first date tips, hire a dating coach.

Hiring us to improve your game lets you get great progress that otherwise wouldn’t be feasible. You’ll love your dating life and will always be prepared for the first date.

Research our coaching and contact us today.

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After almost a decade of coaching single men to achieve better results with women we’ve recently been featured in one of the world’s leading dating publications; DatingAdvice.com

Over the years we’ve turned down various TV shows, men’s magazines and online publications who wanted us to go against our core values by focusing on short-term results as opposed to the long-term strategies that we truly believe in.

At Social Attraction we’re proud of the work that we are doing within the dating industry, and are excited that our philosophy is being recognised.

Reading Our Feature on DatingAdvice.com

The article is written by Hayley Matthews the editor-in-chief of DatingAdvice.com, and you can view the full feature here:

Social Attraction Feature on DatingAdvice.com

With Regards To Meeting Women

We apply the same principles to our business that we teach on our live training courses; a few to mention:

  • Having a clear vision of what you want from your life.
  • Knowing your value and not accepting anything less.
  • Ignoring people, press and publications that say “no”.

After so many years of going about our work quietly as a company and also as individuals within a team we feel proud that we have gained some global recognition in the right way and in alignment with our vision.

A Word From Our Founder Gary Gunn

“After my car accident over a decade ago; I can’t believe what we are achieving as a company and the amount of value we are giving to single men who like myself struggled and felt that there was no one who could help me.

This is a very proud moment for myself and Social Attraction; I hope this allows us to spread our lessons further and to impact more and more lives for the better.”

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As a guy, approaching the opposite sex is like entering into the Twilight Zone. You never know what you’re going to get out of a conversation, or even if you get one.

And worse, you may end up sucked into a situation that’s embarrassing. Plus, there’s always the risk of being boring, distasteful or intrusive.

There’s no denying it – females are a confusing breed. And if you don’t approach them correctly, you will suffer from side effects, such as lonely nights, evil glares and nervous laughter. But there’s hope yet.

In the following guide, we will discuss some things to talk about with a girl to give you a good head start.

So let’s see how you can improve your approach and engage in a conversation that’s longer than “hello.”

1. Light-Hearted Topics

Sure, girls dream of having an intense relationship with an intense guy. But this doesn’t mean you want to start off your conversations talking about intense topics.

So stay away from politics, religion, starting a family and other topics you should save for the fourth or fifth date. Instead, you should begin with a light subject – things you can talk about with any stranger.

For example, you can discuss the following:

  • Your favourite music
  • Plans for next weekend
  • Your pets
  • Your siblings
  • Recent movies you’ve seen or want to see
  • What you did last weekend

As a rule of thumb, the topics should be PG and help open up the door to more conversation. These are great subjects for making the girl feel comfortable enough to open up about her own interests and plans.

2. No Personal Stuff

Now, there are certain topics you should avoid like the plague. For instance, most girls who don’t know you will feel comfortable listening or talking about deaths in the family, first loves, or illnesses.

Try to keep your first conversations light and non-personal. You can save all the heavier stuff for future conversations after the two of you are well-acquainted.

There are certain signs you can watch for to determine if you are touching on a personal subject. So pay attention to her body language.

For example, looking away, tearing up, becoming rigid or backing away. Try to quickly change the subject if you notice any of these.

3. Smile, But Not Too Much

There’s a thin line between friendly and creepy. For example, smiling frequently throughout a conversation can be nice, but if you’re overdoing it, it’ll come off as sleazy or stalkerish.

As always, you want to come off as natural and genuine. So smile when it calls for one, such as when she says something cute or funny. Or when she looks nervous or shy.

Then if you can make her smile in return, then that’s an added bonus!

4. Ask Questions About Her

This is a little tricky because you don’t want to come off as intrusive. So remember to keep the concept of light-hearted topics in mind.

The questions you want to focus on include those revolving around her interests. For example, ask about her:

  • Favorite books, shows, and music
  • Best friends
  • Dream job
  • Future plans (like next weekend or this summer)
  • Favorite hobbies
  • Favorite foods (use this info to surprise her on your first and second date)

What’s great about asking questions is that it gets girls to talk and it gives you insight into who they are. You can covertly use that information to impress them in the future when it’s time for a date, gift-giving, or simply hanging out.

5. Compliment Her Physical or Mental

Be careful with this one, because a lot of girls are wary of guys who throw out compliments as a game. So when you give her one, make sure it’s authentic. Stay away from generic lines that you can use on any and every girl.

This will only turn the girl off and lose any points your winning smile awarded you. Instead, focus on something specific, such as a piece of jewellery she’s wearing or her personality.

Keep compliments minimal – about one per conversation.

6. Talk About Things You Have in Common

You can identify common ground easily after your first conversation (and even during). If you wish to keep your starter conversation flowing, then touch up on topics you both have an interest in.

That’s the point of asking light-hearted questions about entertainment, interests, and hobbies. There’s a lot to talk about when the two of you have your own experiences and ideas to share about a common interest.

7. Ask for Her Opinion On Something

Getting a girl to share her own thoughts is a bonus because it’ll get her talking and feeling valued. The key is to ask her opinion about something she’s actually knowledgeable about or has an interest in.

For instance, fashion, children, music, or a hairstyle. Another tip is to avoid asking a yes or no question. Present open-ended questions, so she will continue talking.

One example is to ask what she thinks about something, rather than asking if thinks something is good or bad.

8. Tell a Funny Joke

While you’re looking for things to talk about with a girl, why not tell a joke?

Most girls love to laugh, but getting them to can be very tricky. This is because humour is subjective. What’s funny to one girl may be disturbing to another.

So you want to focus on jokes that are less stand-up-comedic and more authentic. For instance, you can poke fun at yourself.

Your best bet is to wait until the middle or end of the conversation to crack a joke – after you know her a bit better. This way, you can gauge what will likely make her giggle.

9. Ask About Her Day

This is another way to begin a conversation with a girl. However, you can ask this at any time during the conversation.

What she says in her answer may open up the door to other things to talk about with a girl.

10. End Off with Positive Topics

Say your conversation took a turn down the path of something personal. For example, talking about a rift between you and your parents. This is alright if the girl is showing interest in the topic.

But you don’t want to leave the conversation on a sour note. So jump back onto a positive topic at the end, so her last impression isn’t negative.

Learn More Things to Talk About with a Girl

Now, these are all great icebreakers for talking to a girl for the first time. But you can take it further than this.

Once you feel comfortable and know things to talk about with a girl, you can begin learning more about the opposite sex. And you can learn a lot with the online resource at Social Attraction.

Stop by today to read up on topics surrounding dating, flirting and the laws of attraction.

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