We’re pleased to announce our brand new collaboration with SpeedDater; the UK’s leading speed dating company. As a result, we’ve decided to write the following article offering single men the latest advice on how to improve their results at speed dating functions.
Loads of single women all in one room with the sole aim of meeting their ideal guy; sounds great right? Whilst this is correct, we’ve noticed that there are certain strategies we can implement which allow us to make a more impactful impression during the course of a speed dating event.
So we’re happy to offer the following ‘cheat sheet’ or guide on how to get the most from a speed dating experience.
The Benefits of Speed dating
At Social Attraction, we have a community filled with all of our previous and existing clients that have been speed dating for over a decade. Over that period we’ve been working as a team; learning, testing and refining all different types of strategies.
What we’ve found is that in addition to utilising online dating (if you haven’t got a copy of Gary Gunn’s best selling online dating book you can grab a copy here) and approaching and interacting with women during our normal daily activities (which you can find out more about on our live training page), speed dating should also make up a part of our global dating strategy.
Speed dating is a wonderful opportunity to allocate specific time where we know that we are going to be able to meet single women; often this can take some pressure off feeling lonely and single as this offers hope. In a nutshell, speed dating is a good idea and after reading this article you should look to book your first event.
The Science of Speed dating
One scientifically proven fact by Robert Cialdini is that we are intrinsically drawn towards ‘scarcity’; meaning that the fact that we are at a speed dating event indicates that we have a lack of dating options in our lives.
So when we are attending speed dating events we have to ensure that we are sub-communicating other attractive qualities to counteract this concern. The more high-status indicators we can give off over the course of the evening, the more matches we’ll be left with at the end of the night.
One great strategy to implement is to get to the event early and speak to the other men who are attending as it enables us to get warmed up conversationally. It also allows us to be having fun and socialising when women arrive; this ensures that we generate the best possible first impression.
Many of us will search online for the best questions to ask women at a speed dating event; the issue is that most of us then end up asking girls the same types of questions time and again. From a female perspective, this instantly makes us come across as boring, unimaginative and lacking social awareness.
One great way to combat this is to make statements as opposed to asking questions. So rather than asking women questions like what they do for a living or where they are from; instead just take an educated guess. It really doesn’t matter whether we guess right or wrong, the point here is to separate ourselves from the standard interview type questions that most men will ask her over the course of the evening.
When we employ this strategy we’ve noticed that our interactions are more engaging, spontaneous and fun. From a girl’s perspective; we’ve instantly set ourselves apart from the other men that she’s met that evening. When it comes to ticking boxes at the end of the night we want to be the guy that she remembers for being different, intriguing and socially intelligent.
Does Speed Dating Work For Guys?
One of the most powerful principles that we’ve found works at speed dating events is the art of being mysterious. The more enigmatic we come across, the more women will want to know more about us. Think about why we watch films all the way to their conclusion; it’s because we want to know what happens at the end. A mystery is powerful and a mystery is attractive.
The best way to do this is to be vague with our answers and not give away too much information about ourselves. There is a process of dating and nothing is more unattractive to women than a man speaking too much and trying to convey he’s amazing. Instead, take the opposite approach and allow women to want to find out more about us.
Remember the final result of speed dating is to generate matches at the end of the evening so that we can continue to get to know each other on a more intimate date. By being mysterious we are offering women a cliff-hanger moment where they’ll want to see us again to see what happens next.
Body Language To Utilise At Speed Dating Events
Normally when we meet women we tend to keep our body language facing directly towards them; we’ve noticed that this tends to create pressure and normally ends up being like an interview as opposed to a fun interaction. Instead of sitting facing women; sit with your body facing slightly away from the girl, at a 30-degree angle is fine. This immediately reduces the pressure and allows the girl (and us) to be in a more relaxed mood.
The other main body language error that occurs when speed dating is that men tend to lean in too much when they are talking to women. This comes across as desperate and try-hard, whilst also putting unnecessary pressure on the interaction. Instead, sit back and relax, and if you can’t hear what she is saying then ask her to speak louder.
Likewise if women can’t hear what you are saying then speak louder; this often also allows us to speak slower and as a result, come across as more confident. The main point about our body language is that we should be relaxed; like we are sitting in a coffee shop conversing with our close friends.
Sexual tension is one of the most powerful ways to create attraction in women. It’s been scientifically proven that the more prolonged our eye contact is with girls the more we begin to release “love hormones”, “oxytocin” and “endorphins” which are all linked to the feeling of attraction.
One of the best ways to hold eye contact with women is after we’ve finished speaking; we simply hold her gaze until she breaks the silence and speaks first. This may feel uncomfortable initially, but with some practice, you’ll begin to feel more relaxed utilising this strategy and you’ll feel the sexual tension growing.
Smiling and laughing is one of the common ways that we tend to break sexual tension. Contrary to popular advice; when we are speaking to women and sexual tension is being created, this is the time when we don’t want to smile or laugh. We want that tension to continue to grow and not interrupt it in any way. If you watch any Hollywood romance films; you’ll notice there is always the silent pause with eye contact before that very first kiss.
What To Wear Speed Dating
The general advice that we offer men at our live training events is to wear fitted clothes. This includes making sure that your jeans/trousers aren’t too long, your blazers are tailored and you’ve taken the time to iron all of your clothes.
With regards to attire, it’s important to remember that women are more likely to notice if we are dressed badly as opposed to if we are dressed well. So as a bare minimum make sure your hygiene is up to standard by showering, brushing your teeth and having some fresh mints before and during the event.
One final piece of advice is that sometimes speed dating events can be rather warm and when mixed with the stress of talking to attractive women can lead you to sweat more. So make sure you’re wearing extra antiperspirant or clothing which doesn’t show off sweat patches.
Aftershave, Accessories & Socks To Wear Speed Dating
Accessories are a great way to illuminate our personality; be it a unique necklace, a smart watch or even brightly coloured socks. Our aim is to make it as easy as possible for women to want to converse with us, and accessories allow us to do this in a non-verbal way. You’ll know if you’ve got it right because a few different women will ask you the same types of questions referring to your accessories.
When it comes to aftershave; wearing a nice scent instantly arouses a woman’s sensations in a way that most men often overlook. Similarly to our clothes, the aim here is to not smell bad as that puts women off (including our breath). The best thing to do is to ask a few female friends what their favourite men’s scent is and then go and test a few; selecting the best one for you as an individual. Once again take note if you receive compliments from women as this will show that you’re on the right track.
One of our clients wears a hat to speed dating events and puts his hat on the girl’s head that he likes the most; knowing that she’ll have to return it to him later and continue the conversation. We’re not advising you do the same; but rather look for unique ways to highlight your personality through the use of accessories.
How To Still Get Results Speed Dating
Rather than looking at speed dating as a one-off event; we’ve found that it’s better to view it as part of a larger dating strategy. For example, if we are able to meet other like-minded single men at the events, then they could also serve as good wingmen to go out together and meet other single women.
The other benefit of meeting other men at the events is that they may have a social circle of single women that they can also introduce you to; meaning that we are not just limited to meeting the women at the event. Don’t be afraid to ask the other guys if they have any single friends that they think would like you.
For bonus points at a speed dating event; if you have single female friends then attend the event together. Already being with women instantly conveys a lot of good characteristics and will allow you to make a better first impression; meaning that the girls will generally be warmer in conversation during your allotted time together.
When we go speed dating; we should approach it with confidence. This means assuming that we are going to go on an instant date with one of the women immediately after the event. Often girls will not be by themselves at speed dating events; so selecting suitable group venues with a nice environment, for example, a secret cocktail bar just around the corner, makes it very easy for women to join us.
The other aim as alluded to earlier is that if you made friends with the other guys there; then it’s likely that one of them will match with one of the other girls and then you can all go on an instant date together. This allows both of the women to feel safe as part of a group environment.
Once you have left the speed dating event you are now no longer individuals who have gone to a speed dating function; instead, you are a group of people going out to have fun together. You’ll notice that the dynamic changes and becomes far more relaxed, fun and engaging.
Games To Play After Speed Dating
One of the best ways to get to know women on a date is to play a fun game. This takes the pressure of the interaction and allows you to get to know each other under the rules of a fun and engaging game. We’ve found that having a game to play within a group is also extremely powerful as it allows everyone to participate; it also allows us to lead the group interactions which is highly alluring to women.
On our live training courses, we teach a really fun game known as “the questions game”. This game has such great parameters and can be used on a solo date, in groups or even over text messaging. The reason why we love this game is that it’s never the same, and often we get some amazing questions posed to us which we’ve never considered before.
Playing fun games on dates also allows us to highlight our social intelligence; by not getting bogged down in boring questions and keeping the engagement lighthearted. The more fun we have the more likely that women will want to see us again in person. As an extra tip always organise the next time you’ll see each other there and then, as liaising calenders can be difficult over text messages.
Want More Guidance Speed Dating?
If you’d like to get even better results speed dating or in real life scenarios with women then you can claim your free dating consultation here. You’ll be able to find out more about the various courses that we offer that will help you to become more attractive to women.
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The dating game requires you to be on your toes at all times.
The landscape is always changing due to societal norms and differences in the way we communicate.
As a man in this day and age, it’s your responsibility to learn how to relate to the opposite sex. Thankfully for you, you also live in the information age, so you can always take in new knowledge to step up your game.
If you’d like to be a renaissance man that is able to carry the first date, start with these valuable first date tips.
Why These First Date Tips Are Important
When you use some dating tips, you’re better able to not only learn more about women — but also yourself.
People respond to you based on how you feel about yourself and carry yourself. So personality differences aside, your likelihood of a great first date begins with cultivating yourself first and foremost.
These tips go further than corny pickup lines and tactics and get to the heart of you becoming your best self.
With that in mind, let’s dive into the ten must-have tips you need to know to survive the first date.
1. Get a Workout In
When we were kids, we had to take PE class because we knew that physical exercise is vital to the body and the mind.
Going on a first date can be stressful, so burn off some of that anxiety with a testosterone boosting workout.
Some great workouts you should try in this regard include burpees, HIT exercises and good old fashioned weight training.
Jogging a few miles can also help you get the blood pumping, which is great for your endurance and mindset. You’ll be able to get rid of stress and prepare for your first date by sweating it out earlier in the day.
2. Tweak Your Wardrobe
You don’t need to be a GQ model, but make sure that your clothing speaks for you.
Invest in some nice, stylish items that fit your body type well. Make sure that the outfit you pick is appropriate for the date that you are going on.
The last thing you’d want is to be over or underdressed.
If you’re strapped for cash, don’t hesitate to hit a local thrift store for some nice items.
This is the most basic of all the first date tips: no matter what sort of date you’re going on, you need to look presentable and smell great.
Women are tuned into their senses, so a fresh shave, hot shower, and splash of to-die-for cologne are enough to create an amazing first impression.
Make sure that you brush your teeth thoroughly a few times. Don’t forget to brush your tongue to get rid of bad bacteria and breath-odor.
Look into some health and hygiene tips that make you look amazing — such as washing your face with raw, natural honey.
4. Clear Your Thoughts
Life is a mental game — especially in dealings with the opposite sex.
You’ll be on top of your game when you believe in yourself. This starts with getting control of your thoughts — particularly the negative ones that hold you back.
This starts with fear.
Fear can kill your charisma and make you second guess yourself. The worst part about fear is that it is highly irrational.
Sure, the worst might happen. But in most situations, the anticipation of something going wrong is far worse than something actually going wrong. Use visualization to both picture yourself having an amazing date and an awful date.
By allowing yourself to imagine both possibilities, you can stay in the moment instead of being bound to the outcome. Plus, this exercise often allows you to see that the thing you think is terrifying isn’t that bad at all.
Meditation is the most generally applicable to all aspects of your life of all the first date tips here.
Sit down in a quiet area and focus on your breathing. This form of meditation helps you to clear your thinking and stress, so you’re able to be yourself when on a date.
You will truly get the biggest benefits out of meditation when you choose to practice it every day.
5. Find Some Killer Date Ideas
One of the best first date tips is to figure out where you’re going and what you’re doing in advance.
The more you know about the date, the easier it’ll be to relax. It’s far easier to be yourself when you’re not bogged down in the logistics of the date.
If you really want your first dates to be killer, find some winning date ideas that you can execute to impress whoever you are taking out.
If you’re like most men, awkward silence during a date is one of your biggest fears.
These awkward silences are usually more mental than anything.
Simply put, your conversational skills will skyrocket when you realize that you have value. It’s easier to mumble, speak quietly or become introverted when you don’t have confidence in what you’re saying.
Confidence aside, you should practice speaking in the mirror and use some diction exercises. Tongue twisters are a fun way to warm up for speaking.
7. Crack Open Some Pertinent Literature
The dating game is rich with great literature that can inform your thought processes.
Consider some favorites like The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.
Build your library and you’ll instantly become more capable and interested in the dating game.
8. Build Tension and Anticipation
You need to treat every date like a playful build, not a tedious obligation.
Don’t be afraid to tease and flirt. Since we have technology, you can do this through text messages.
Find some ways to playfully flirt through text messaging. This also gives you crucial info for blowing her socks off during the date.
After almost a decade of coaching single men to achieve better results with women we’ve recently been featured in one of the world’s leading dating publications; DatingAdvice.com
Over the years we’ve turned down various TV shows, men’s magazines and online publications who wanted us to go against our core values by focusing on short-term results as opposed to the long-term strategies that we truly believe in.
At Social Attraction we’re proud of the work that we are doing within the dating industry, and are excited that our philosophy is being recognised.
We apply the same principles to our business that we teach on our live training courses; a few to mention:
Having a clear vision of what you want from your life.
Knowing your value and not accepting anything less.
Ignoring people, press and publications that say “no”.
After so many years of going about our work quietly as a company and also as individuals within a team we feel proud that we have gained some global recognition in the right way and in alignment with our vision.
“After my car accident over a decade ago; I can’t believe what we are achieving as a company and the amount of value we are giving to single men who like myself struggled and felt that there was no one who could help me.
This is a very proud moment for myself and Social Attraction; I hope this allows us to spread our lessons further and to impact more and more lives for the better.”
As a guy, approaching the opposite sex is like entering into the Twilight Zone. You never know what you’re going to get out of a conversation, or even if you get one.
And worse, you may end up sucked into a situation that’s embarrassing. Plus, there’s always the risk of being boring, distasteful or intrusive.
There’s no denying it – females are a confusing breed. And if you don’t approach them correctly, you will suffer from side effects, such as lonely nights, evil glares and nervous laughter. But there’s hope yet.
In the following guide, we will discuss some things to talk about with a girl to give you a good head start.
So let’s see how you can improve your approach and engage in a conversation that’s longer than “hello.”
1. Light-Hearted Topics
Sure, girls dream of having an intense relationship with an intense guy. But this doesn’t mean you want to start off your conversations talking about intense topics.
So stay away from politics, religion, starting a family and other topics you should save for the fourth or fifth date. Instead, you should begin with a light subject – things you can talk about with any stranger.
For example, you can discuss the following:
Your favourite music
Plans for next weekend
Recent movies you’ve seen or want to see
What you did last weekend
As a rule of thumb, the topics should be PG and help open up the door to more conversation. These are great subjects for making the girl feel comfortable enough to open up about her own interests and plans.
Now, there are certain topics you should avoid like the plague. For instance, most girls who don’t know you will feel comfortable listening or talking about deaths in the family, first loves, or illnesses.
Try to keep your first conversations light and non-personal. You can save all the heavier stuff for future conversations after the two of you are well-acquainted.
There are certain signs you can watch for to determine if you are touching on a personal subject. So pay attention to her body language.
For example, looking away, tearing up, becoming rigid or backing away. Try to quickly change the subject if you notice any of these.
3. Smile, But Not Too Much
There’s a thin line between friendly and creepy. For example, smiling frequently throughout a conversation can be nice, but if you’re overdoing it, it’ll come off as sleazy or stalkerish.
As always, you want to come off as natural and genuine. So smile when it calls for one, such as when she says something cute or funny. Or when she looks nervous or shy.
Then if you can make her smile in return, then that’s an added bonus!
4. Ask Questions About Her
This is a little tricky because you don’t want to come off as intrusive. So remember to keep the concept of light-hearted topics in mind.
The questions you want to focus on include those revolving around her interests. For example, ask about her:
What’s great about asking questions is that it gets girls to talk and it gives you insight into who they are. You can covertly use that information to impress them in the future when it’s time for a date, gift-giving, or simply hanging out.
Be careful with this one, because a lot of girls are wary of guys who throw out compliments as a game. So when you give her one, make sure it’s authentic. Stay away from generic lines that you can use on any and every girl.
This will only turn the girl off and lose any points your winning smile awarded you. Instead, focus on something specific, such as a piece of jewellery she’s wearing or her personality.
Keep compliments minimal – about one per conversation.
6. Talk About Things You Have in Common
You can identify common ground easily after your first conversation (and even during). If you wish to keep your starter conversation flowing, then touch up on topics you both have an interest in.
That’s the point of asking light-hearted questions about entertainment, interests, and hobbies. There’s a lot to talk about when the two of you have your own experiences and ideas to share about a common interest.
7. Ask for Her Opinion On Something
Getting a girl to share her own thoughts is a bonus because it’ll get her talking and feeling valued. The key is to ask her opinion about something she’s actually knowledgeable about or has an interest in.
For instance, fashion, children, music, or a hairstyle. Another tip is to avoid asking a yes or no question. Present open-ended questions, so she will continue talking.
One example is to ask what she thinks about something, rather than asking if thinks something is good or bad.
8. Tell a Funny Joke
While you’re looking for things to talk about with a girl, why not tell a joke?
Most girls love to laugh, but getting them to can be very tricky. This is because humour is subjective. What’s funny to one girl may be disturbing to another.
So you want to focus on jokes that are less stand-up-comedic and more authentic. For instance, you can poke fun at yourself.
Your best bet is to wait until the middle or end of the conversation to crack a joke – after you know her a bit better. This way, you can gauge what will likely make her giggle.
As a species, human beings send signals that show interest in potential mates. If that sounds pretty basic, that’s because it is.
A woman has both subtle and obvious ways of letting us know if she is interested in us.
Is she interested? The signs may be there, but we can sometimes have a hard time interpreting them.
Over time we’ve found that if our fear of rejection is strong enough, we may not even approach and interact with a woman who is actually interested in us.
Tragically, 99% of men under 50 don’t know when a woman is flirting with them.
This article contains ten ways a woman shows that she is attracted to a man. By knowing these signs, we can answer the “Is she interested?” question for ourself and as a direct result approach women with confidence.
1. She’s Looking Your Way
Women check out men, though they aren’t as obvious about it as men are. She will cast a glance your way repeatedly. If you aren’t sure she’s looking at you, just give it some time.
Eventually, you will catch a quick sideways glance in your direction. And then another.
2. She Looks “Down” on You
Whenever you make eye contact with a new girl, she will look away until she gets to know you.
The trick is to notice which way her eyes go when she looks. If she looks to one side or the other, she is still deciding.
She looks down. Is she interested? Yes, absolutely. Looking down means that she does find you attractive.
Decided or not, she will most likely look back at you within 45 seconds, according to the late Dr. Timothy Perper, a sexologist who spent years studying flirting. Forty-five seconds is the standard length of time between looks.
However, if she looks up, it’s probably best that you move on. She is not interested. It’s not an eye-roll exactly, but the letdown is the same.
3. She Maintains Eye Contact
Once you get to know her a little, she will extend her eye contact.
She’s doing exactly what you are doing. She is taking time to look into your eyes, hold her gaze a little longer, and study you a little more.
Is she interested? I would say, yes.
4. Body Language
Flirting is all about sending signals. If you are still across the room from the woman, then it’s up to body language to get the message across and get your attention.
If she’s with a group and lets out a laugh or giggle over something said, she will most likely look over at you at that moment to make a connection, consciously or subconsciously.
Maybe she brisks by you in her high heels, hips swinging, as though she is in a hurry. She’s made herself pretty hard to miss.
She talks to her girlfriend, but she knows you’re watching. She runs her finger slowly around the top of her glass. She’s not fidgeting, my friend. She’s drawing your attention.
She absently grooms herself in your presence. She smooths her skirt, runs her fingers absently through her hair, or pushes her breasts out as she pushes in her chair.
5. She’s Closing In
Everyone has a personal space boundary. If a woman crosses yours, you can be confident she did it on purpose.
If you’re in a club, she will find a reason to move closer to you. She may even start dancing next to you, even if you aren’t on the dance floor.
This show for attention is a little obvious, but some men still manage to miss it. Don’t be one of them.
6. She Mirrors You
Both men and women do this when they want to attract someone. It may be conscious or subconscious.
She will mirror your mannerisms. You take a drink from your glass. She takes a drink from hers. You lean in. She leans in.
You lean in. She leans in. You get the idea.
7. She Casually Touches You
When a woman finds a way to brush your arm, or playfully slap your shoulder, she’s flirting. She is also expressing her attraction in a safe way.
Move a little closer until part of your leg touches hers. If she doesn’t push away, you could very well be a LOT closer later in the evening.
8. She Breaks from the Pack
In bars and clubs, women tend to stick together for practical reasons. In addition to general safety, their girlfriends have their backs in case they need backup.
If a woman separates herself from her group to be near you, is she interested? Need you ask at this point?
She’s not only left her group, but she’s decided that the mating dance is about over and it’s time for some one-on-one.
Don’t get too excited yet, by one-on-one I mean talking, and of course more flirting. Now, though, the opportunity to do more is definitely a possibility.
9. She Finds Reasons to Stay
If she has reason to end a conversation but doesn’t, you know her interest level is high. If she keeps the conversation going, or stays for that one last drink, she’s into you.
She may linger a few more minutes to be sure you ask for her number. She may even stay until morning.
10. She Goes All Submissive
If a woman gives you control over the situation, that is giving you permission to show male dominance.
She may ask you to order for her. If you’ve decided to leave together, she may have you suggest the place.
This doesn’t (necessarily) mean fuzzy handcuffs later, but it does show her comfort level with you and her interest in doing more.
Is She Interested in You or Not?
Now that you are armed with this information, you can answer that question for yourself the next time you see an attractive woman you’d like to approach.
Rather than have approach anxiety, you can now move towards her with confidence.
Of course, what to say when you get to her is a whole other article! If you’d like to contact us before then, fill out our contact form.
You finally managed to get her number, but now what?
Do you text her ten compliments a day? Invite her over the second you get home? Send her the history of your last ten failed relationships?
The key to getting closer to her over text is to ask questions, start conversations, and use the right text flirting lines. This will help you develop a connection without coming across as super creepy and desperate.
You should keep things light, learn more about each other, and use texting as a way to connect again in person.
If you’ve got no idea how to do that, don’t worry.
We’re sharing loads of top tips to help you send the perfect texts.
1. Don’t Just Say ‘Hey’ or ‘What’s up?’
Is there anything less inspiring than a text which simply says, “Hi.” Probably not.
If you don’t have anything more exciting than ‘hello’ to say to your crush, you might want to ask yourself if she’s really right for you.
When you’re interested in someone, there should be shared interests, a similar sense of humour, or an interesting connection for you to draw on. If you can’t find anything to connect over, maybe you’re not right for each other.
Spend a little time composing a text which inspires conversation – don’t leave her to do all the work.
2. Make Your Text Specific to Her
How do you feel when you receive a text that could have been sent to literally anyone?
Special? Interesting? Cared about?
If you want your crush to be impressed by your text flirting lines, make them specific to her.
Take some time to learn about what’s important to her, then write texts that reflect that. For example, if she’s a keen tennis player, say, “You played so well on Saturday – I was super impressed by that last serve.”
If you know she’s just spent a fortune on highlights, compliment her by saying, “I love your hair. It looks so natural and pretty.”
Everyone wants to feel special, and it doesn’t take much to be the one to make your crush’s heart beat a little faster.
Humor is so important when it comes to communicating with your crush, and sending funny text flirting lines is the perfect way to come across as cute rather than creepy.
You could say something like, “This wine glass is looking pretty lonely,” as a jokey way to invite her over for drinks.
If you’re not ready for that, even making a funny joke about something you both saw or did recently is a great conversation starter.
Try gently teasing her by saying things like, “I didn’t know I was going ice skating with Bambi,” after the first date at an ice rink. Just be sure to keep it friendly and avoid anything you know she’s insecure about.
If you’re not sure what her sense of humour is like, ask her what comedians and TV shows she likes, and you’ll get a good idea.
4. Make a Smart Observation
Making a clever observation is a great way to show that you’re sharp, witty and switched on, and start an interesting convo.
You could comment on something that’s happened in the news recently, something you’re both interested in, or even something completely random.
Maybe you’re watching a nature documentary and you’ve noticed something really interesting about a certain bird? Go ahead and share it – everytime you bring up a new topic, you open up whole new avenues for the conversation.
Don’t worry if not every comment leads to much chat, and don’t go overboard with the witty remarks.
You should be sharing your thoughts, not trying desperately to impress her.
5. Ask Open-Ended Questions
People love to talk about themselves, and learning more about each other is the first step towards a successful relationship.
Instead of asking questions with a simple yes or no answer, like, “Do you like Mexican food?” try more open-ended questions that can lead to conversation.
You could try, “How was your weekend?”, “What are your hobbies?”, or, “What’s your favourite place to visit?” These questions all inspire detailed answers and allow your crush to ask your questions back.
Going deep and philosophical can work sometimes, but can also creep girls out. Be sure to test the waters before going in with something as intense as, “What do you think happens after we die?” or, “What’s the meaning of life?”
Keep it light and open for best results.
6. Be Thoughtful and Attentive
You’re trying to show your crush that you care about her, and endless showing off won’t achieve that.
Instead, stay switched on to what’s happening in her life and ask thoughtful questions.
For example, if she’s been off work with a sore throat, ask her how it’s feeling and suggest a recipe for a soothing hot drink. If you know she had a really stressful day with her family, check in and see how she’s feeling.
Showing that you pay attention to her and care about what’s going on in her life will go a long way towards building a strong connection.
7. Use Text Flirting Lines to Connect in Real Life
There’s no point in having a great connection over text if you never see each other again.
See texting as a means to an end, and not your primary method of communication.
If you’re having a great text conversation together, say something like, “I love talking to you about this. Fancy carrying the conversation on over coffee?”
If you’re chatting about the place where you live or something you own, use that as a reason to meet up. For example, “I think you’d love my cat – you should come over and meet him sometime!”
Thanks to modern technology, the dating world has evolved immensely. So much of how people connect nowadays is about what they say on a dating app or what emoji they use during a text conversation.
These virtual forms of communication can seem much more important than interacting with someone in a real, physical setting. Many people forget the subtle principles of dating and the rules of stealth attraction.
What exactly are these rules? How can you use them if you’re interested in a girl at the bar or the woman you just ran into at the coffee shop?
Read on to learn about these techniques and discover how you can implement them in your common, day-to-day life.
What Are Stealth Attraction Techniques?
The name “stealth attraction” should shed some light on what exactly these techniques are.
These are not grand, romantic gestures or loud, obnoxious ways to draw attention to yourself. They’re tips on how to flirt and engage with women in subtle ways.
These techniques are small and understated, but they can help men in major ways when it comes to pursuing women. They might seem like simple suggestions but can have a big impact.
Learn how you can create a more successful dating situation for yourself by following each specific technique below.
One-On-One Interaction in a Quiet Area
If you meet a woman in a loud place like a bar or a club, it’s easy to get distracted. Loud music, dark lighting, and people dancing can make it difficult to keep a good conversation going.
That’s why you want to find a quiet area to have a one-on-one interaction with a woman. With minimal noise and fewer people around, the two of you will have a more intimate setting to get to know each other.
How do you get into a one-on-one situation like this? It’s pretty easy.
Saying something as simple as, “Let’s head over here so I can hear you better.”
Just keep whatever you say to her short and direct. Don’t try to come up with any kind of crazy excuses.
What is the one thing that all women are universally attracted to? Confidence.
When you are in a one-on-one situation with a woman, she should be the only person in the room you are looking at. Not the floor or the entrance to the bar. Her and only her.
It’s also important to remember that people can read emotions just from looking into somebody’s eyes. A woman will be able to tell what you’re feeling. Show her you are interested by keeping eye contact.
Speak Lowly and Slowly
Listening is essential in order to keep anyone woman interested. When it is your turn to talk, however, don’t rush through your words.
Take your time. Breathe. Speak slowly and clearly so that she can follow what you are saying.
It’s not about how much you say, but what you say. According to a study, it’s also about how you say it.
Research shows that both men and women use lower voices when talking to a member of the opposite of the sex that they are attracted to.
By having your voice at a lower register, you’re showing your attraction toward the woman you are talking to. Plus, if she’s also talking quietly, it’s an indication she’s attracted to you as well.
One of the most subtle but important components of stealth attraction is body language.
How men carry themselves in front of women says a lot about not only their confidence but about whether or not they are interested in what the members of the opposite sex are saying.
Men who are fidgety or close themselves off to the women they are talking to project an image of disinterest. They appear to these women as if they would rather be anywhere else in the world.
You made it through the first date successfully – phew.
Before you breathe a sigh of relief, remember that you now need to plan a second.
The second date can feel like it comes with even more pressure since you don’t have the excuse of being complete strangers anymore.
Luckily, there are plenty of second date ideas that will appeal to almost anyone and guarantee you a successful time together.
With the right planning, there’s no need for a second date to feel awkward.
Read on for five date ideas that are sure to go down well.
Try rock climbing
Tired of cliche second date ideas like going to the movies or out to dinner?
Physical dates are always way more fun than sitting around, wondering what to say to each other, but you need to pick the right activity.
A sport like rock climbing lets you be independent but provides you with plenty of opportunities to cheer each other on.
If you choose bouldering, you’ll be climbing side by side on a low wall without ropes. It can be fun to go one at a time, or race to the end.
If you’re feeling more adventurous, you can strap on a harness and scale a taller wall. Your partner will hold onto your rope as you climb, which is a nice exercise in trust.
Don’t worry if you’ve never tried climbing before – most centers have plenty of easy routes, marked by different colored hand and foot holds. If you are experienced, you can have fun showing your date the ropes.
Once you’re all climbed out, head to a cafe for a drink and chat before you go your separate ways. Bonus points if the cafe overlooks the climbing gym.
Many climbing gyms offer a regular membership, so if things work out this could become a fun activity to do together each week.
See a comedy show
If you fancy a low-pressure second date that doesn’t involve too much interaction, a comedy show could be perfect.
Options like the cinema don’t allow any time for you to chat, but comedy is a little different.
You’ll enjoy laughing at jokes together and it won’t be so silent that you can’t chat a little. However, you won’t be forced into an intense conversation for hours.
Pick a comedian you both like, or try out someone new.
Want to explore your local area together, but feel like ‘going for a walk’ isn’t one of the best second date ideas?
Then geocaching is for you.
This worldwide treasure hunt involves using your phone’s GPS to search for small containers, or ‘caches’.
Caches can range in size from tiny magnetic screws and small plastic boxes to large chests and ammo cans. Inside, you’ll write down your geocaching username and exchange ‘swaps’, or small gifts for the next finder.
You and your date can have lots of fun searching for caches together, and the sense of achievement when someone shouts ‘Found it!’ is a special moment.
If you want to add an extra element to the date, go shopping for small ‘swap’ items together, hitting up dollars stores for cute trinkets and toys.
Many geocaches are placed at historical or scenic locations, so you might discover a great spot for watching the sunset together. If things go well down the road, you could even end up hiding your own cache in a significant place together.
Rule #1: Don’t write a boring profile. Because no one wants to read a boring profile. But also, remember that you’re not boring!
Okay, you might like long walks on the beach. But who doesn’t like that? But if you include that, then you’ve written a generic and lifeless profile. Because even if you do take long walks on the beach every night, it doesn’t actually say anything about who you are.
It’s hard to describe what a catch you are in a few seconds. This is especially because you’re already used to what makes you interesting. You were born. Someday you’ll die. Tell them about what happened in between!
Take the time to think about what makes you unique or exciting. Then, capture it with words the best way you can. And if it’s interesting, let them know how you got involved.
So you play football every Saturday? Cool. (Boring.) But wait. You play football with youths who are disadvantaged as a form of mentorship and a bit of fun, you say?
Now, that’s something.
2. Lying (Obviously)
Lying is a bit of a weird one because while you shouldn’t do it, analysts from Michigan State University and Cornell say almost everyone does.
The most common lie? Men tend to add an extra half inch to their height. It’s true that there’s a fine line between lying and embellishing the truth. But honestly, you shouldn’t do either. Lying always ends in disappointment when you meet people for a live date. Because unless you can lose 3 stone or grow (or shrink) in between getting a match and going on a date, it’s not going to work.
Here’s the best reason to tell the truth.
Who you are is good enough. Don’t worry about what you perceive as flaws or imperfections. Why? Because if you haven’t lied about it, your date probably won’t notice. Lying says more about you than just that you’re a fibber. It also says you don’t love yourself enough to receive love from someone else.
Photos are as tricky as the writing portion of your profile.
Choosing the right pictures is important. Unfortunately, even if you’ve got a great biography, the wrong pictures can send potential matches running. Have you uploaded 6 pictures of your hedgehog? What about a photo of your entire family (including second cousins) in themed outfits?
Did you upload a photo from your first wedding? Don’t do that. Ever.
These might be your favorite pictures. You looked awesome on your wedding day. We get it. But don’t use them. Because as much as your online dating experience is about you, it’s also about potential partners. To help possible matches use your photos to your advantage, follow these tips.
Use your photos to bolster your story. Great pictures tell them who you are.
Here are some easy tips for choosing pictures for dating profile:
A picture of you on your last vacation
A full-length photo
A photo showing your facial features
A pic of you doing something you love
A shot of something that illustrates something from your profile
Okay, that was easy. But here’s another quick list of what NOT to add:
Pictures of you in a group
Pictures of you in a group of ridiculously good-looking male models
The truth is that your fellow online dating warriors don’t care if you have professional photos. Though, use them if you have them! They want to put a face to the name. Potential dates want to know what you look like.
So show them! (And reassure them that they’re not being catfished.)
4. Writing an Essay in a Dating Profile
Okay, so you know who you are and what you want. But there’s no need to elaborate on every detail on your dating profile.
Your online profile is like an elevator pitch. You’re not trying to get a proposal before you’ve met. You want someone to show interest and email you.
Start a dialogue, not a relationship.
Keep your profile simple. Include the most important details to you. Tell them what you’re like. Let them know what kind of relationship you’re after. Talk about what you appreciate in a partner.
Mention any dealbreakers if you must. Do the same with must haves. If you’ve got 32 dogs, let her know. If you play guitar like Hendrix, definitely let them know. But, please, don’t write your own personal biography. They don’t want to know who did what to you to make you the way you are.
Seriously, that’s what the second date is for.
5. Being Too Picky
The profiles of hundreds of available single women are at your disposal. It’s not hard to find yourself comparing women like you would holiday prices.
Don’t do it.
Obsessing over every detail prevents you from finding the truly perfect woman.
It’s called analysis paralysis. All of a sudden, you’ll be making petty choices about a woman who listens to an obscure band but lives 500 miles away and a woman who doesn’t but is otherwise perfect and lives next door.
These are five dating profile mistakes almost every man makes. But you don’t need to be one of them.
Now that you’ve got your dating profile sorted, boost your chances for love with our award-winning live training.
That means experiencing a failed interview, lost friendship, or other social exclusion isn’t that much different from breaking your arm. There’s a lengthy recovery process, the painful memory of the incident, and the fear to get back out there and try again. Sometimes, it can also lead to approach anxiety.
In a nutshell, this is the fear of going up to someone you find attractive and initiating an interaction.
While a previous denial is one catalyst for approach anxiety, the reality is that it can affect anyone. Yes, even someone who’s never been given the brush-off before.
Today, we’re breaking down approach anxiety and covering some key ways that men can overcome it and take the first step toward finding their future mate. Ready to get started? Let’s dive in!
Ready to get started? Let’s dive in!
Own (Don’t Fear) Approach Anxiety
Before you can work on overcoming your approach anxiety, you should recognize it for what it is, and remove the stigma attached to it.
Consider this — anxiety disorders are incredibly common. In fact, 40% of worldwide disability is attributed to them. In England alone, 6 million people suffer from them.
That means you’re not alone, and you’re not crazy.
It also means you’ve got a valid and important reason for staying seated, and it’s time to acknowledge it. You didn’t avoid the interaction because you weren’t feeling well, or she wasn’t looking at you, or you didn’t have the time.
Your hesitancy was attributed to approach anxiety. The sooner that’s realized, the sooner the path to overcoming it can begin.
Yet, along with this step, it’s important to understand that working on your recovery will take time. These emotions of self-doubt, nervousness, and fear weren’t created overnight. They won’t diminish that quickly either.
Yet, the good news is that with a little bit of practice, you can steadily build the confidence needed to take that first step.
Start Slow and Small
The cold turkey, rip-off-the-Band-Aid method to curbing approach anxiety? It’s to just go up to a woman you find attractive and try to struggle through the awkward and painful conversation.
Yet, that process can actually do more harm than good, resetting your initial anxieties back to their strongest starting point.
Rather, it’s better to build up your nerve slowly, and in small increments. Try approaching someone new in a familiar and comfortable setting. It doesn’t necessarily need to be someone you find attractive, but simply someone who is a stranger to you.
Try the clerk at the retail store. Someone in line behind you getting groceries. A new co-worker. All of these interactions require you to step out of your comfort zone and begin speaking first. This is one of the most critical steps to mitigating your approach anxiety.
To help you stay consistently in this mindset, try setting daily or even weekly “initial conversation” goals. Remember that these conversations don’t have to be long-winded. Just saying “hi” to someone in the hallway can count toward your quota.
The point is to dip your toes into the social water, and gently break the force that’s holding you back from speaking up. So take that first step, but you don’t have to make it a running leap.
Work on Building Confidence
As you work on approaching others, it can be difficult to succeed if you’re still weighed down by low self-esteem and confidence. After all, you’re opening yourself up to a sensitive and vulnerable interaction. We know that the fear of not being “enough” can be crippling.
So, an important step in overcoming approach anxiety is to re-examine your self-worth. Remind yourself of your value and importance.
What are some of the unique qualities you bring to the table?
What are some of your gifts and abilities that make you stand out?
What do you have to offer a potential date?
The more you focus on your positive qualities, the less likely you are to give credence to the doubt that will inevitably creep in.
It’s no secret that confidence is an attractive and desirable trait in the opposite sex. Thus, as you work to build yours, you’ll not only improve your inner mindfulness. You’ll also help position yourself as more comfortable and assured around women. You’ll also increase the likelihood that the conversation you begin will go in your favor.
Need a quick shot of confidence? Try changing your pose. Research shows that when people lift their head, lift their chest, and move up their arms, they feel more powerful and in control of their situation.
Focus on the Present
One of the calling cards of approach anxiety is to dwell on both past and future hurts.
This is easy to do in the dating world. Studies reveal that a negative event that has a social component attached to it can stick in our psyche longer. It can also get turned over in our mind more frequently than one that happens in private.
That’s why, as you sit frozen in fear, your mind is probably running a mile a minute. Questions such as “What if this goes as bad as the last interaction?” focus on the past. Ones such as “What if I approach her and she just walks away or laughs at me?” focus on future pain that hasn’t happened yet.
In both scenarios, your mind is fixated on an event that’s not presently occurring. To change this, try focusing solely on the present moment.
You’ve been practicing your on-the-spot conversations. You’re building up your confidence. There’s nothing to hold you back from taking that first step toward her — not even your own mind.
The Next Step: Training Your Heart and Mind
If you’re a single man in Europe looking to push through mental obstacles holding you back from finding the woman of your dreams, we’d love to help.
We’re a team of expert trainers that provides live training resources designed to help you build the skills and confidence necessary to boost attraction and build relationships.