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Everyone has different opinions on what age you should get a child their first mobile phone. For me, I will be happy for Joseph to have one when he starts secondary school. This isn't something I've discussed with the wife though so it could change.



This week the culture Secretary, Matt Hancock has said that children should be banned from using their mobile phones at school. This isn't just banning children from using them in the classroom, this is a complete ban from having them in schools.

Should they be confiscated?

Matt Hancock believes that any child having a mobile phone, should have them confiscated at the start of each day. He believes mobile phones have a "real impact" on students achievements, which I believe, in my humble political opinion to be, bollocks.

So, should they be banned?

I don't think so. 

Most schools don't allow mobile phones to be used whilst the students are in their class which is absolutely correct. I can understand from an educational point of view that phones are a distraction. It should be up to the teacher to deal with any children who decide to use their phone in the class. Children should, obviously, be concentrating on the lesson and not checking out which tit Kim Kardashian has out this week.

It is up to the school to decide how they deal with this issue but I think banning them altogether isn't the right thing to do. I would want my children to have a mobile for their own safety, they will potentially be walking home alone, at least for some part of the journey and a mobile could be needed at some point.

We all know that bullying is rife in schools, always has been and always will be. Whilst I hope it never happens to my children I'm realistic enough to know that it probably is at some point and I would hate for my children to need to get in contact with me but now be able to because the school banned them from having mobiles on the premises.

What do you think about this? Should it be a blanket ban on mobile phones on school premises?




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It's been a gloriously sunny day in Hull, I've not seen hardly any of it due to being at work. I finished at 3 pm today as I started at 6 am. I'd only had about two hours sleep last night as I was working until 8.30 pm and then when I got in, I couldn't switch off. I must have fallen asleep at some point and then Alice woke up at 3 am, from that point, I was awake.

Once I got home, I walked in to find Alice's scooter laid on the floor just inside the living room, there weren't any sounds. "Shit, this isn't good". Any parent knows that when you have young children, silence is your enemy. When they're awake that is.

I stepped Into the living room and there were toys everywhere. Alice, like the little tornado she is, had clearly been having fun. I walked through the living room and saw Alice attempting to hide from me behind the couch. Alice is shit at hiding.

The wife was in the kitchen baking and she asked me to ask  Alice why she looked so clean and was in her jimmies already.

I did an Alice sized turd today

PooGate
We're at Defcon one here I'm thinking. I ask Alice why?

She says in her innocent voice

"Me poo in bucket, me wee wee in bucket"

Oh dear lord.

"What bucket?"

"err, Paw Patrol bucket"

Oh isn't that magical.

"Me show you, Daddy"

Err, no ta. I think I'll pass. Thankfully she just wanted to show me the bucket, minus the turd. The Mrs had already sorted the chocolate snake issue out. 

Welcome home to me.

What did you come home to today?

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Hello, my name is Dad



I spend my life working hard so my family can have the things they want. 

I spend my life watching Peppa Pig.

I spend my life looking after my children, not "babysitting" them.

I spend my life reading things online about ALL men being horrible abusers. Fuck off with that shit BTW. 

I spend my life trying to raise my children to become amazing human beings.

I spend my life adoring my wife and being grateful for everything she does for our family. 

I spend my life saying "don't put that up your bum" to my two-year-old girl. She better get out of this before she gets older. 

I spend my life explaining what's just happened on the TV show my wife and I are watching.

I spend my life singing the Paw Patrol theme tune in my head.

I spend my life wishing for the attitude era to come back in WWE.

I spend my life wishing I could just. Put. The chocolate. Down. 

I spend my life hoping my children love me as much as I love them.

I spend my life wondering when Fireman Sam is just going to admit he bumped uglies with Dylis one night and Norman is actually his secret love child. 

I spend my life wishing I was back to a 34-inch waist. 

I spend my life hoping that I'm being the best dad that I can be. 

What do you spend your life doing? 

Tag a couple of people and pass it on, give the tagger a backlink and the person you tag. 



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Alice is going to be three in September, she now has her own mind and is a little diva when she wants to be. She has no problem in TELLING me that Paw Patrol is her favourite program. She loves Marshall (what kind of pup lives in a teeny house? A Doll-mation! You're welcome). Rubble is my favourite (obviously) but when I tell Alice this she informs me that I'm incorrect and that Chase is my favourite. 




A few days ago we received a personalised Paw Patrol book from Penwizard. This book stars your child and their daddy, or grandpa if you wish, in an exciting adventure. These books would be great as a fathers day gift, which is coming up fast (17th June) in case you've forgotten! You can choose from Paw Patrol, Ben and Holly, Peppa Pig and In the night garden.

You can personalise the book on the website to make the child and their daddy look just like the real thing. It is very simple to do and can be done in minutes. When the book arrived it was packed in a sturdy cardboard box with stating "created especially for you". I opened the box and was greeted with a nice shiny hardback A4 book. I wasn't expecting it to be A4 so I was pleasantly surprised. 



As you can see above, the book is titled Alice's adventures with daddy. Obviously, this can be changed to your own name and your child's. The picture on the front is a striking resemblance of yours truly.

The book was Pawsome!

Alice loved looking through the book, she especially loved seeing Ryder and took great delight in shouting RYDER in my ear when she saw next to her on the page. I asked her what her favourite part of the book was and she said, "Daddy got stuck". She laughed at this part a bit too hard for my liking. 



It was nice being able to read to Alice and this is the first book where she has actually sat on my knee and let me read the full book to her.  I won't spoil the story for anyone who buys it but Alice loved it and she was easily able to describe what was happening in the story just by looking at the pictures. She loved it so much that I had to read it 7 times in a row!

We are looking to read with Alice more now as she is coming up to the age where she will be attending pre-school. We especially want to read to her on an evening before bed and this book is ideal to keep her attention. 

As I mentioned before, this would be a great gift for fathers day. If you're interested in purchasing one of these books from Penwizard you can get 20% off any of the books by using the code PAW20 at the checkout.

I received this book for free in order to complete this review. All views are my own and I do not receive any commission from any sales using my code.


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Being a dad for the first time is daunting, no matter how much you say or think you're ready for a child. I have two children, needless to say having children changes your life for the better. Yes, definitely for the better.

Do I wish I'd known more things before having kids? Of course! It would have never changed my decision to have kids but knowledge is power as they say. I would have loved to have had a heads up on:

The POO!
Oh, the poo! So. Much. Poo! It's also not just the normal colours you expect from your number twos. I don't think you're a true parent until you've said the words, "Its luminous green!". Once you've said these words, you then stare at the poo thinking "how can this be right?". Why didn't someone warn me about this?

I've spent more time staring at turds then I'd like to.

Social Life.
What social life? I used to be a social butterfly, now I'm more of a social woodlouse. You won't go out as much as you used to, that includes out drinking with mates, out to restaurants etc. You'll simply be too tired to want to do most of these things, at least for the first few years. 

I think every parent does need to find time to do this though, even if it is just once a month. Spend time alone with your partner, go out with friends. Just do something without the kids so that you feel normal again. This is one thing that my wife and I need to do more of. We never go out together, our kids have never stayed out overnight. Actually, I lie. Sometimes we go to Asda together without the kids. That's not really the same though.

Peppa Sodding Pig.
By the time your child is about two and a half, be prepared to have watched Peppa Pig 1,786,653 times. You'll end up knowing most of the words to each episode. If you're lucky, you'll get to break it up with episodes of Ben and Hollys Little Kingdom and Paw Patrol, both of which are watchable. Miss Rabbit will also make you feel bad for complaining about how much you have to do. I won't tell you why, because you'll be watching it soon enough anyway.

World War 3
Everything is a fight between my two kids. You'll find yourself saying "stop arguing" about 86 times a day. Who'd have thought you could argue over grass, or a wooden spoon or even a dust cloth?

Time For Yourself.
Being a busy parent leaves little time for yourself and any fashion sense you might have had before the little bundles of joy came along. You'll swap branded clothing for Primani specials, Jeans will be replaced by jog pants and spending money on hair, facial products and shaving apparatus will be the last thing you think about. 

Having children shouldn't mean that you let everything go, it is hard at first but you soon get used to it. The Mrs and I spend about an hour in the bath most nights (not together, obvs). This is our "Me time". We can relax on our own for a bit. We obviously wait until the kids are asleep otherwise you can hear them arguing about dusting the grass or whatever ridiculous thing has popped into their heads at the time. 

I'll generally watch YouTube or read a book. I'll also take this time to have a shave when needed. I only shave about once a month and the one thing I hate the most about it is shopping for a new razor or the blades to go with it. This is mainly due to the extortionate prices shops now charge. I recently came across the BIC Shave Club. The shave club is a subscription service which you can pay monthly or every other month, meaning, no more forgetting to buy razors or blades when you go shopping like I do. They get delivered straight to your door.

BIC Shave Club offers a high quality, time-saving solution for busy dads. Spot on I thought. I gave it a try.


I was impressed with the razor, it had a good weight to it. It came with a five-blade razor which also had a precision strip for the more sensitive areas of your face. It also came with a shaving guide (in case you're new to this).


I took the razor for a test drive. The blade was easy to attach and after I had shaving gelled myself up I was ready to go. I can honestly say this was the quickest and easiest shave ever. The hairs came straight off the blade when rinsing and I hadn't managed to hack my face off like I generally do when I buy cheaper razors. I was impressed with this. More so after a few days, I usually get quite a bad shaving rash on my neck, whilst this didn't completely go away, it was considerably better than normal. Another plus for BIC Shave Club



There is nothing like the feeling of a shave after using a good quality razor. This is what BIC are offering. I will definitely be signing up to receive them monthly. 

This is now one thing less to think about. If only I can now get Peppa Pig taken off the air.

What things do you wish you had known before you had your kids? Let me know in the comments. Do you have a date night with your partner? Where do you generally go? I'd love to hear about it.


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For this post, I received the razor and blade from BIC. All opinions are completely my own. 

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This week Joseph has had his SATS tests. The government have decided that exams for 6-year-olds are the right way forward. I'm not sure I see the real benefit of Joseph sitting these exams. Does anyone else think that SATS test at this age are pointless?



How are we dealing with SATS tests?
We were told at the last parents evening that the tests are informal, children can take more time than they could if they were in year 6 and they try to make the days fun before or after a test. Basically, they try not to put any pressure on the children.

We have said to Joseph that as long as he tries his best we will be super proud of him. Both my wife and I do not believe in these tests and we didn't want to give him any unnecessary stress, because, after all, he is only 6 years old!

For this reason, we have not done any practising or revising with Joseph at all. He is a very clever boy so I know he will be fine. Each night this week we have asked him how his tests went and his response has been

"It was really easy".

We are not concerned with what score he gets in these exams as we know he always tries hard at school and that he loves going. When it comes to year six we will be helping him out but we will try and keep things as stress-free as we can.

Have they been stress-free?
No, Joseph was upset a little on Sunday evening as he thought he wasn't clever enough for his Maths test. Monday morning he was crying outside the school gates because he wasn't going to do very well.

It breaks my heart to see my son being anxious and worried about exams at a time when his biggest worry should be whether to have Spaghetti hoops or Spaghetti worms for tea. 

It is quite clear that whilst the school said they would try to keep them stress-free, something has obviously been said that has stuck in Josephs mind to make him feel this way.

Thankfully as I said above, he has said they were easy so his fears at the beginning of the week have been alieved. We will see what results he has got in the parent evening we go to in June. This weekend we will be treating Joseph to take his mind off the week he's had and to say how proud we are of him for working hard at school.

Has your child been sitting exams this week? How did you approach it with them?


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Some of you may have seen in the news this week that a man from Scotland has been charged due to a video he posted on YouTube. The man created a video showing that he had taught his girlfriends dog to make a Nazi salute when he said the words "gas the Jews". I can only describe this guy as a cockwomble.

He claimed that he did it to annoy his girlfriend! Dude, there are plenty of ways you could have annoyed your girlfriend other than making this stupid video. I outline *15 of them below: 

  • Hide all her underwear
  • Leave your cut toenails on the floor
  • Swap the sugar and salt around
  • Finish her bottle of wine and refill it with apple juice
  • Sleep with her sister
  • Shrink all her clothes in the dryer
  • Put a really bad photo of her on facebook
  • Send her pictures all day of your arse
  • Sleep with her mum
  • Half wash the pots
  • Leave her shoes outside in the rain
  • Invite all your mates round whilst she's watching Corrie
  • Let her dog run away
  • Teach her dog to bark every time she talks
  • Put a horses head in her bed


*One Hull of a Dad does not take any responsibility for any TV remotes that are thrown at your head or any divorces that may arise from taking my advice. To be honest, if you take my advice you deserve a remote to the head at the very least.






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Tonight we are going to try a behaviour chart with my son. He is six years old and sometimes his behaviour is, how can I put it politely,

Fucking awful!

We have tried a behaviour chart before when he was about 4 but I think he was simply too young to understand. I hope that he will now as we need to change his behaviour. I am aware now that he does seem like all the other six-year-olds out there but there must be a way to stop us feeling like failures as parents. Cause that's how we feel.

The behaviour chart
We're going to sit down with Joseph. He already knows that we have one and he is excited about doing it. I want to wait until his sister is in bed so we can sit quietly with him without the TV on. I want to get him to help with the sections that he should get a sticker for, such as "not answering back" as hopefully if he comes up with some the ideas then he should be more inclined to remember them as he knows he will lose his sticker.

We need to decide how many stickers he gets before we reward him with something. The reward may be something as simple as going to the cinema or maybe a new toy, we haven't decided yet. 

Have you used a chart?
My questions to you all is this,

Have you used a chart? How did your child respond? What rewards did you use and how many stickers did they have to get to get one? Do you feel that taking stickers away for bad behaviour is the right thing to do?

Please let me know in the comments

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In the last week I have had a vasectomy. This was a decision made by my wife and I because we have two children and we both know that we don't want any more. With our second child, my wife wanted to have her tubes tied but the doctors would not do it at that time as they said she was too young and also wouldn't be in the right frame of mind.

Having a vasectomy has never bothered me and would have been something that I got done whether the Mrs had been sterilised or not.

After having the procedure yesterday I posted the below photo on Instagram and across a few other social media channels. It got a few likes and comments etc and a fair few comments from women saying I was a "Hero". At first, I thought people were just taking the piss, then a few more came and I realised its not about me being a hero, obviously. It's about the fact that as a man I had decided to take one for the family team instead of leaving it to my wife to have a procedure so she couldn't have children anymore.



These comments got me thinking about the whole thing and it has made me think that if, as a family, you don't want any more children, then the male in my opinion should go and get this done. There is nothing to the procedure and it will save any "scares" you might have in the future.

1 in 200 women could get pregnant in their lifetime after being sterilized whereas if a man has a vasectomy the chances of getting a woman pregnant are 1 in 2000 in their lifetime. The odds of success are clearly better if the man has this procedure done. I also think that the recovery time for a man is a lot quicker.

There is also the point that a lot of stay at home parents are women and if they have had this procedure done and the male works, then who is going to look after the children etc. Again, easier if the man has it done. A couple of days off work, job done. If you're a stay at home dad then maybe between you and your wife you decide what the best course is for yourselves.

I know there are plenty of parents out there who have no intention of getting this done whether male or female and that is their decision, just say I didn't warn you when your 56 and you have a child on the way LOL.

There will be some men and women out there who will read this and say that it is their body and if I don't want to do this then they shouldn't have to, regardless of whether their partner wants them to or not. This is true, it is your body. This post is my opinion on the matter, I think if you have had enough kids then the male should be the one to step up. If you are happy to use contraception then good on you!

What do you think? Have you had enough children and are thinking about this procedure? Has the decision as to who will have it done caused any arguments between you and your spouse? Is someone just being too stubborn?


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Once upon a time on a council estate not so far away lived a 19-year-old tearaway named Goldy Locks.

One day after an argument with her father about the state of her pigsty of a room she stormed out of the house telling her dad he was a "fucking asshole". After wandering aimlessly for a while she ended up on a new estate that was only half built. 

People were moving in already, that's what this new 5% deposit scheme from the government gets you.

Goldy walked up to the first house and noticed the door ajar, she could see through the window that it had furniture in so somebody was definitely living there. She couldn't see anyone around though so in she went. As she walked in she could smell that "new paint" smell you get when you've been decorating. She also recognised the vase in the hallway, it was from Home Bargains. She wanted it for her room.

As she walked through the living room and into the dining room she noticed three bowls of porridge on the solid pine six seater table. Goldy, having now regretted telling her dad to "shove his toast up his arse" had realised she was hungry. 

"Bollocks to it," she said out loud to herself. She took a mouthful from the first bowl. "Shit" she exclaimed, it was too hot. Goldy took a mouthful from the second bowl.

"Who the hell puts peanut butter in porridge?"

She took a mouthful of the third bowl, this one was perfect. Finally. 

After all that porridge Goldy fancied a bit of a sit-down. She was hoping that they had Netflix so she could watch the new series of Stranger Things. Her dad was too cheap to get Netflix. She sat in the first chair but there was an ass groove in it which was huge. The second chair was a small recliner but it didn't work. That's what buying couches from DFS gets you.

In the corner she noticed a rocking chair with a big comfy looking cushion on it. She grabbed the remote and settled down ready to watch some Netflix and relax. As she did the chair broke and Goldy landed flat on her back

"Fuck Shit Bollocks!"

After trespassing and stealing food Goldy decided to go for a look around. She was beginning to get a bit tired from her walk. She started to climb up to the third story of the house.

"Who the fuck are these people with a three-story house, friggin royalty?!"

Once she reached the top she went inside the first room, she planned on having a lie down. This room had a cot in so it was a no go. The second room had what was clearly a child's single bed but it had stairs to get up to the bed. Goldy didn't fancy walking up even more stairs so she tried the third room. This had a kingsize bed.

She dived on the bed, the Egyptian cotton sheets immediately felt smooth on her skin and she dozed off to sleep. Whilst she was asleep Paddy Bare the owner of the house came home with his son Billy Bare and his daughter Mary Bare. Paddy Bare was a stay at home dad after his wife (Mandy Bare) had passed away in an unfortunate circus related accident. 

"Someones been at my porridge" said Paddy Bare.

"Mine too" said Billy.

Mary Bare threw her empty dish onto the floor in disgust that all her porridge had disappeared.

"It seems like someone has been in my chair" said Paddy Bare. "My ass groove has a smaller ass groove inside it".

"Mine to" said Billy. "Someone has moved the remote, and look mums chair is broken!"

Paddy told Billy and Mary to stay downstairs whilst he checked out the rest of the house. Paddy got his mountain climbing gear ready so he could get up to the third floor of the house. "Why we bought a fucking three-story house is beyond me".

Paddy noticed that the doors to Billy and Marys rooms where open. Paddy never leaves the doors open. It saves on the heating bill if they're closed. He also noticed his bedroom door slightly open and could hear someone snoring. He saw Goldy asleep in his bed!

"Who the hell are you?" he shouted!

Goldy woke with a start. 

"Shut up you prick, I needed to sleep after walking up three storeys!"

"I heard that" said Paddy.

She then barged past Paddy knockinig him into the door frame and causing him to bang his head. She ran out of the house and back to her mediocre two story house. Later that day there was a knock at Goldy Locks' house. Goldy answered.

"Are you Miss Goldy Locks?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Miss Locks, I'm arresting you on suspicion of tresspassing, theft, criminal damage and assault, you do not have to say anthing...

"Shit"

  





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