It has the title “Grocery Goofs” because this post is nothing more than me rolling through a grocery store poking fun at items on the shelf.
And that is WAY shorter than calling it “Me Rolling Through a Grocery Store Poking Fun at Items on The Shelf.”
Grab a cart and let’s go shopping. You push…
Sitting side-by-side on the shelf, Mrs. Butterworth’s & Aunt Jemima tolerate one another, but that doesn’t mean they like each other.
Woody maybe, but not Buzz!
Who would have guessed Buzz Lightyear wore Pull-Ups?
“Defender of the Universe” has bladder issues.
Spice is nice.
Huh, “dill weed” was also my nickname in Jr. High.
Making me nuts.
Quite possibly the dumbest name for a brand of coffee.
Shouldn’t it be “Chock full o’ (coffee) Beans?”
No wonder everyone switched to a Keurig.
Oh it has issues.
Tell me this product doesn’t have self-esteem issues.
It’s a nut. It’s a flake. It’s unsweetened and organic.
Plus, oh how I love sulfites in my coconut flakes!
Dumb it down.
For people who haven’t mastered use of the measuring cup.
God help us.
“Extra Virgin”–this Olive Oil isn’t even old enough to date.
Lid so tight good luck getting it opened.
Because real fruit has such inconvenient, awkward shapes.
Needs a lot of help.
From the package I assume this product doesn’t need any meat added since the glove guy is missing a finger.
Maybe they like toilet paper.
Finally, what is with Charmin’s obsession with bears?
Could a whole marketing campaign be based on the adage “Does a bear sh** in the woods?”
Really? I’m baffled.
It has been fun going up & down each aisle. Looking. Taking pictures. Not buying a single thing. I am surprised I wasn’t searched by security. At least not THIS time. No wonder I’m not allowed to go to the store with my wife.
Every single one of us looks for the magic pill…the infusion-palooza…the divine answer to slaying the MS monster. We know a cure doesn’t exist yet we search anyway. (No harm in looking, right?)
Because MS has a mind all its own, best you can do is saddle-up & hang on for the ride.
Though there are some simple steps you can take to make the ride less bumpy.
I’ll share my MS philosophy. It’s nothing Earth shattering, really. Just straight-forward advice…
Is it THAT easy?
You put good stuff in…you get good stuff out.
What am I talking about?
Good Stuff In includes:
I’m not talking about some crazy diet here. Just make better choices. More grilled, less fried. Get your fruits & veggies each day. Snack on some nuts you nut–almonds especially. You don’t have to completely eliminate the sweet treats–just limit them. Swill more water instead of soda. And don’t eat after 7pm if at all possible. You want to wake up hungry!
I struggle with this the most. Don’t let the dark clouds swirl. Think on the positive. Don’t dwell on the past OR the future. Make today special for you–better yet, for someone else. Compliment someone–make them feel good & so will you. Remember there is always someone worse off. So grab the day & make the most of it.
Move it. Get up. Walk. Dance. Swing your arms. Reach. Stretch those numb legs & feet. Sit outside in the fresh air. Listen to the birds instead of your phone. Make silly faces to tighten the muscles of your grill. Work your brain. Do a puzzle. Read. Learn something new. Do some math. Do some more…and then get up & move again. You don’t need a gym. Just work it. Phew!
And now, Good Stuff Out includes…
Do I really have to tell you what you get in return?
Better sleep. Stronger mind & body. Less spasms. Less constipation. Healthier glow. A bigger, brighter smile. You will hold your head up. Feel more content. Confident. Positive. More energy. Less fatigue. Better balance. Less spasticity. More appeal. People will want to be around you. Look up to you.
You will be amazed at all the good stuff you will get in return!
All hail My Odd Sock!
All this worldly advice.
You probably think I’m some great emancipator. A legend of light. A Sock Shaman, if you will.
But I didn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know.
You had the knowledge in your head all this time.
You know the right thing to do.
Now just get started.
I knew I should have passed the plate BEFORE giving you the pitch.
At this rate I’ll never be able to build my crystal cathedral.
As we all know March has been MS Awareness Month. (Timely of me to mention this with only a couple of days remaining.)
But did you realize March 28th in particular has been designated as Progressive MS Day?
Well if you didn’t that’s okay too because this is only the second year of its celebration.
It is official.
Progressive MS Day is the brainchild of the fine folks at Genentech (makers of Ocrevus, the MS med specifically for progressive types of MS) as a way of raising awareness of progressive multiple sclerosis.
They invited me to help promote Progressive MS Day (and thereby lower its standards) as I have been living with secondary-progressive MS for many years.
Just how will I help?…the only way I know, by posting my usual dumb thoughts on social media (mostly Twitter).
For those of you not using Twitter, I’ll share my nonsense below…..
“I’m sorry, what was your name again?” #ProgressiveMSDay
TTTodayy is PPProgressiveee MS Dayyyy
–Me, having hand spasm while typing about #ProgressiveMSDay
Hoping for a telethon but I suppose a day will do.
Spasticity & I are tight.
You ain’t got shit till your disease is a hashtag.
Sorry, I would have flipped you off but I drive with hand-controls.
Voted “Most likely to get a chronic disease” in HS.
Almost as fun as joining AARP
Looking forward to getting spinners for my wheelchair.
I would have tweeted sooner about #ProgressiveMSDay but I had to pee.
Me cheering for Progressive MS Day.
There you have it, my worthless contributions to #ProgressiveMSDay. (Bet they can’t wait till next year!)
I don’t believe numbers influence life’s decisions or events like some may think.
But looking back I begin to wonder.
The number ten, or a factor of ten, really seems to rule what is going on in my world lately.
For example, February of 2009 was my last day of working.
Ten years have passed since. (And I haven’t really missed it!)
It was ten years ago I went on disability.
Also this summer will be the tenth year of writing this goofy blog.
Pretty weird , huh? Well, the plot thickens…
Last year my wife & I had our 30th anniversary (a factor of 10).
Meanwhile next year will be the 30th year in our home.
My father passed away twenty years ago this summer. And my mother-in-law has been gone ten years in November.
It gets weirder.
Just last week I got a phone call from my MS nurse practitioner informing me she is leaving the Cleveland Clinic after working there for twenty years. (Incidentally, twenty was also the number of years I worked at my last job.)
Oh and how long have I been seeing this person for my MS? You guessed it, ten years!
I have twenty bucks in my wallet.
My car gets thirty miles per gallon. (Both factors of 10).
And there are only ten dental flossers left in the bathroom. Which, for as often as I remember to floss…should last me the next, you guessed it–ten years!
I look to you for an explanation of this phenomenon. Do you believe in the meaning of numbers? Has a certain number influenced your life? Let me know with a comment to share with everyone.
By the way, there are three hundred words in this post.
Researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital sought to find a connection between an allergy & the activity of inflammatory disease.
Their work found new evidence linking food allergies with relapses of multiple sclerosis. And results were published just this week in the Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery & Psychiatry.
(My copy was somehow lost in the mail and replaced by an issue of US Weekly. Therefore I was unable to read the complete study but I DID learn about Arianna Grande’s new beau.)
Let’s get serious.
Though the fine work done by Brigham and Women’s Hospital was legit and the published results promising…the following mumbo-jumbo is my own ridiculous thinking of foods I could EASILY AVOID if found to be harmful to my multiple sclerosis.
Here is my list…..
Brussel SproutsRaw OystersBlack LicoriceJello Salad. Yuck all the way around.BeetsWine
(I have never tasted a wine I enjoyed. I’m okay with a wine cooler, just not straight wine.)