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I’ve been doing a simple practice I thought I’d share with you. It’s called “Where am I?” It’s an exercise in presence. Presence is so important for coming fully into your own energy, and you need to be in your energy body in order to feel clear, good and right directed in your life choices.

When we’re distracted from our self, life delivers us distracted, fragmented results. A childhood friend and I were catching up when she shared that after years of being single, she decided to online date…But she said her energy was scattered so that was exactly what showed up. When she recognized she wasn’t getting the results she wanted, she stopped, and started working on her own patterns. Now she says she feels so close to finally being ready for a love relationship grounded in authenticity and soul.

No matter what you are working on in your life, presence is the foundation of all desirable change.

But enough about you… Why did I start this practice?

-I noticed, when I thought of someone (a memory, “I wonder what they’re doing?” or random thoughts) I was picking up on their energy. I’d start feeling a little wonky.

-I noticed, when I started “thinking” – as in, I’m going to really figure this out with my logical left brain- I’d become ungrounded and/or uncentered in my energy body.

-I noticed, when I wanted to have a hard conversation and stay in my seat of power, I got into trouble. I tended to go into another’s energy instantly, which meant I absorbed their feelings/thoughts/energies.

-As a result of being out of my energy body a lot, I didn’t feel like “ME”– like myself.

In what area(s) of your life are you feeling wonky, fragmented, scattered, unclear?

The Practice

The practice goes like this: Sit down in a quiet space for a few minutes. Get quiet. Feel your feet on the ground. Breathe into your solar plexus. Ask yourself “Where am I?”

Your consciousness can be anywhere — it is not attached to your body. Is your consciousness ten feet in front of you? Is it on the other side of the world? At work? In your partner’s/mother’s/sister’s/kid’s energy? Is it playing dress rehearsal for something in the future? Is it ruminating about a past situation?

After you’ve discerned where you are, without judgment, invite your consciousness to come back into your body, where you want it to be. Focus on sensation: areas of tension and relaxation. Invite your energy to settle back into your center, behind your heart chakra, and your solar plexus. Breathe with it. Are you feeling a little more relaxed? A little more present? This practice is meant to be subtle, small.

Be gentle, not demanding or perfectionistic: Invite yourself to pull within to enjoy your own presence. I love the word invite because it’s not pushy, but gracious and generous and has lots of permission built in. You can always refuse or accept an invitation. That’s the spirit of the word invite.

Depending on how much time you spend with your attention, focus or energy turned outside of yourself, this practice might sound undesirable to the distraction loving Ego. You want to make coming back into presence, being in your own body and energy, a far more attractive and delicious place to be than not.

Do this throughout the day for just a few minutes at a time. Just see where “you” are, try to gently smile at your self when you realize you are soooo not right here right now, then invite “you” to come back into your body. As your consciousness returns, notice what it feels like to be inside your body (vs. outside).

It’s no big deal to practice presence. This isn’t a meditation session. No harsh Zen master is going to whack you for not being present. Yet like all things spiritually true and resonant, the practice is simple, not easy. Again, kindness, not perfectionism. With practice, you’ll get the hang of it.

Virgo Full Moon …& a Little Forecast

Virgo Full Moon is the perfect time to become aware of the small daily habits and practices that are serving us, and those that aren’t. Health, work and daily routines, pets, mentor/apprentice relationships, spiritual practice, and consciousness itself, all fall under the guise of Virgo-Pisces.

We typically want to “be better” at something under a Virgo Full Moon, and as we work that out, our powers of analysis and problem solving (and worry and insomnia) increase. The shadow of Virgo may get activated… perfectionism, criticism, self-shaming, over-analysis…all the ways we don’t measure up.

This is why taking small, practical steps, paired with reasonable expectations, resonates so well for Virgo.

A light touch is always best.

Another reason to take it easy: Mercury is getting ready to go retrograde in Pisces (March 5-28) and since we are already in its shadow period, we may feel this earlier. As the planet of mind appears to be moving backwards in the sign of oneness, intuition, presence, the non-rational, the best approaches and ideas we have will be the unusual, left of center, ones.  We’re more likely to have perspective altering awareness arrive in moments of being rather than doing, or activities grounded in presence, like washing dishes, taking a walk or shower. The mind is more receptive to working on the spiritual plane, and using spiritual principles, now. Practices like: invite and allow, letting go, and surrendering your requests/desires to Spirit are favored. Acceptance of life, as it is, is key for the next 4 weeks of Pisces.

Lastly, it is another zero degree full moon (each month of 2019 has featured a zero full moon — the next is 3/20). As I said last month, zero is the womb, seed, a symbol of pure potential. We may feel like we don’t know how to proceed just yet, we’re still regrouping and figuring things out. And that’s totally okay.

Just look at how much is in the middle of changing…

Chiron moves from Pisces into Aries today, seeding a cycle that has us turning away from the realm of healing hyper-sensitivity and victimhood (Pisces) to healing what denies our self-empowerment and self-volition (Aries).  Inner teacher, Chiron, is cheering on our acts of independence and selfhood. Yay! Also, after dipping its toe in for a few months last year, then retrograding back into Aries, Uranus enters Taurus on March 1, finally, where we are being awakened to changes we need to make in matters of material and physical security, abundance, resources and confidence. In Taurus matters (home, family, security, money, confidence), a new picture is getting ready to emerge for many of us.

New planetary shifts means integrating new energies into our consciousness, and these take time to process. So, really, go easy and gentle on your self. At this Virgo Full Moon, the small shifts will yield big results down the road. For now, stay present to YOU. It is the best foundation for the changes you want!

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Picture It…

You are on a veranda overlooking the sea. White billowy curtains blow in the sea breeze, framing a gorgeous seascape. In front of you, palms sway on a white sand beach as you drink in the glimmering emerald-turquoise water with your eyes. Walking over to a divan, you feel the cool marble floor beneath your feet, the gentle swish of your light silk dress against your body. You recline, breathe deeply and realize there is no place you’d rather be than here now. You feel perfectly content. This is your house. Your blissful life.

Picture It…

You are at a dinner party thrown in your honor. You are surrounded by friends. As people walk by, they  pat you on the back, shake your hand or hug you. In reciprocate, while lavishly soaking up their generous affections. You feel great in your body. You are wearing your favorite outfit and you feel wonderfully comfortable in your skin. A deep sense of well-being and rightness arises in your chest and travels throughout your body. It feels so good to be acknowledged, recognized and seen for who you truly are.

These images, one for me, the other for my husband, sprang to mind after listening to this inspiring talk by Neville Goddard, and talking about it, together. It’s a fantastic reminder about how to create the reality we want to experience, and it found me in perfect timing, on the heels of a belief breakthrough: a full-on 3-D awareness of my limiting beliefs and how they were holding me back from the life I want.

One night, unable to sleep and overwhelmed by self-doubt, a handful of “what if?” type of questions fired off in my head: “I can’t…” “How?…” “I’m not good enough…” “It won’t work…”

Ever had that happen?

I had just begun to comprehend how this belief system was running a certain area of my life. When the fear that I couldn’t even change the belief system I’d just discovered popped up, I reached my tipping point (that’s how insidious beliefs are; that was the belief at work!). I made the decision to not believe the negative beliefs any longer. To just stop it. At first, it was a bit like piloting an airplane and deciding to manually make a one hundred eighty degree turn. It took spiritual muscle. But as each worry arose as though it were brand new (they weren’t, they never are) I decided the answer to every question or “problem” could only ever be “I’m good,” because that is the reality I choose to live in. “What if…?” “I’m good.” “I can’t…” “I’m good.” “I feel…” “I am good.” I did this until I was filled with deep peace and calm. I went to sleep that night and woke up feeling so clear, so peaceful I knew I had affected a profound shift.

Belief shapes our thoughts. Deep down we know it’s true… and yet it’s surprising isn’t it, when we wake up to the fact that we have been living in one tiny dark room of our Goddess given palatial palace, because of a belief or two?

Picture It…

One belief creates perceptions that become windows or doorways to life, open to endless possibilities.

The other belief makes a mental prison of our worst fears, keeping us small, tight and afraid.

We are free to believe anything we want about life, about our self, others… and, whether we realize it or not, we will always experience the consequence of what we believe. I can believe Divine perfection in all things is the one true reality; everything else an illusion. I can believe I am healthy, abundant and loved… and expectantly, patiently orient myself toward receiving proof. Or I can believe the world is a lost cause, dangerous, unsafe, all is gone to hell in a hand basket… Either way, it will be proven to me.

One belief will literally create perceptions rooted in the Eternal truths of life– in the belief that we are spiritual consciousness, we are eternal, we are whole, perfect and abundant and nothing is ever denied us. The other belief is rooted in subjective, fearful, doubt-riddled mind, where all the conditioning we received throughout life we re-play in our minds like a bad record we don’t think we can shut off.

I’d done this work before. I’d radically changed my belief structures about being single forever, poor, always having unfulfilling work and limitations in health. So as I began to play with this kind of mental training, the more I remembered what I had already proven many times over: that fulfillment or lack in any area of life was primarily a question of cognitive habit.  It took work, but the results … well, you just can’t fail.

Even though I had been going really deep in my inner work lately, I realized I hadn’t gone deep enough. True Self change is about aligning with YOUR Divinity from the inside out. Your Divinity wants to give you everything you want and need to fulfill your Soul’s mission, here. But to do so it helps to develop an intimate relationship with infinite possibility of Spirit as You… and then to unclog everything obstructing your natural flow, the main obstructions being negative beliefs and fears.

Aquarius season breaks up mental stagnation. Air seasons bring in new thoughts, conversation. We crave “fresh air” during air seasons– new ideas and fresh mental perspectives. A New Moon like this, after eclipse-packed January and last years topsy-turvy chaos, liberates, frees — if we play our cards right.

Speaking of cards, one of my favorite tarot cards in the Thoth deck is the “science” card. It is associated with Mercury in Aquarius. I pull it when I needed to creatively work with and shift mental attitudes. It basically says that in order to create innovation in our life we need to employ the objective, inventive, experimental scientific mind.  Just as a scientist conducting an experiment will decide what outcome she’d like to achieve and then set about proving it, first we decide this thing will happen, then we design a methodology that assumes it is happening. That’s exactly how to successfully work with self-change.

Here’s one of my methodologies for manifesting change:

  1. Commit.

This is a vital first step because without commitment your indecision will keep you stuck in limbo. What do you want? Who do you want to be? Decide to commit to that image of yourself, and place it above all other versions. As Dolly Parton once said, “Figure out who you are and then do it on purpose.” Or as I like to remind myself: As you know yourself so shall you be. Truly. Ponder it. It’s deep and true.

  1. You don’t have to know how this will happen.

You don’t have to know HOW you will do or get the thing you want, or become person you want to be. All you have to do is commit to the desire/intention. Then give it up to Spirit, and allow Spirit to do the work of bringing it to you. We tend to get hung up on the “how” “who” and “what”. But how will I get the money? But what will I do once I get there? Who am I going to be (in this vision I want)?  It is not your job or responsibility to know how, who or what. Only to ask and then prepare to receive.

But… you are afraid…The new always feels new. It feels unknown. There are unknowns! Get okay with that. The oak seed has the DNA of the Great Oak tree within it. It doesn’t have to think about how it will get there. Only to KNOW that it will, and to TRUST its natural unfolding. Know that you are getting there.

3.Clear limiting beliefs that are no longer relevant to who you are now.

This is a vital step. Limiting beliefs are the main reason we don’t manifest what we want. A limiting belief exists in our psyche for a reason– it once protected us from being hurt. Yet beliefs have expiration dates. Periodically we need to sort through and discard what is no longer serving us.

A practical example: For over twenty years I could not eat a number of things without having a pretty immediate physical reaction. When I moved to Hawaii that all changed- no more food sensitivities! Yet I’ve noticed that this whole past year, my mind wants to go back to that old tape out of habit. If I get a symptom I still habitually think, “maybe it’s because I ate this, or that” and feel that very strong old self-protective mechanism kick in (FEAR!) that was once designed to keep me healthy. However, when I check in with my Soul, always the message is: Don’t worry about your health. Just don’t worry about it.

After 20 some years of chronic food and illness stuff, “don’t worry about your health” is a huge cognitive leap for me! When I get some funky symptom I’m tempted to worry. Yet this is exactly what I mean: We all have mental habits that are no longer relevant to who we are, today. Do we stop to question them? If I chose to keep believing what is no longer true for me I wouldn’t allow myself to indulge in all these new experiences: the passion fruit-coconut cocktails, local chocolates, pineapple, oh my.

  1. Relax. Don’t work so hard at it.

Play with an intention or affirmation by embodying it in both feeling and mind… then doing something relaxing and mindless. This morning I was affirming for something and I decided to vacuum the house. As I was vacuuming an image came into my mind that inspired a next step (below). The secret to answered prayers is surrender. Spirit IS the principle of relaxed and surrendered flow… so doesn’t respond to pressure, pushing and desperation. Know it’s possible. Then allow Divine Universe to bring it to you.

  1. Picture it.

Earlier I described receiving an image of me on a house on a beach, curtains blowing in the breeze.  I am in an opulent house, relaxed, content with my life. I’ve always loved the trompe loeil style of art. If you are not familiar, it offers the impression that you could just step out of your room and into the picture. Usually there’s a window or doorway that opens into a beautiful, blissful panorama. Like stepping into a dream.

I began to look online for an art piece, a visual reminder to inspire and that would help me to “step into” my new home and life. Lo and behold, I found what I had visualized in my imagination… right down to the flower petals at my feet I’d imagined while vacuuming earlier (above pic)! I purchased it instantly.

Imagination is that powerful. The pictures we circulate in our imagination, whether as a product of old belief structures, or a spiritual foundation, are creative. They attract, just as mine did. The difference between just doing the mental idea of “positive thinking” of affirmation or law of attraction and actually creating real results rests with our ability to fully embody a more comprehensive knowing, in our feelings. It rests in our ability to BELIEVE what we see in our mind’s eye, as more real than what we do not yet see in front of us. You can easily put frosting over a shit cake and wonder why you’re attracting crap (without doing the work). Or you can commit to taste, feel, believe, know, picture who you want to be.

Feel into it: 2019 is a different year from 2018, offering new potentials. How will you make it so? This is a fantastic New Moon for clearing away the old conditioning and beliefs keeping you from the life you want. What keeps tripping you up? Where do you feel invisibly “held back”? Can you change your mind, and change your life? Self-change is an inner process. The first step is to decide. Make the decision. Commit.

Who will you be in 2019?

Picture it…

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Last October, I decided to publicly acknowledge an internal shift. The decision to do so was due to an awakening that began in 2016, which has totally shifted my perception of the world and my place in it.

If you have a top-heavy astrological chart, as I do, it’s impossible to do your life changes in private. Changing jobs? Everyone knows about it. Eating oatmeal for breakfast? Ditto. Change, in a chart with planets clustered at the Midheaven, is basically like you’re changing your clothes in public.

Everything has changed, for me. Almost every relationship. The way I live. Where I live. The way I create… As my productive output has slowed to focus on inner work, one distinction I’ve had to make for myself is this: Creating is not the same as producing. Creativity isn’t necessarily productive. It’s staring at the ceiling, reading a book, exploring an idea, being with yourself. Creativity is allowing yourself to go deep into a process, and being totally unsure where you will end up. Will you have something to show for it? Not sure. True creativity is about giving yourself permission, time, space to simply go there.

Things can change quickly. Tools come… and when they stop working… tools go. Maybe they’ll come back again.  Flexibility is so helpful.

What feels right for this moment? Now, that’s a creative question. Maybe what is right is folding laundry, or meditating. There is no trying, in this new way of being – just being and seeing what evolves from there (for me, trying to do anything, that is, leading with my head/Ego-mind, or survival fears, or old conditioning, instead of my inner knowing, earns me a big fat raspberry, often in the form of a symptom).

It is a process… this creative process of becoming. With seemingly no beginning or end.

Kind of like the number zero.

This Leo Full Moon Eclipse falls at zero degrees of Leo-Aquarius.

This isn’t your typical “celebrate, play, love, praise, show up, create” Leo Moon -though please do all of that! Zero is the alpha and omega of numbers. With their capacity for beginnings and endings, eclipses bring a feeling of a larger cycle moving through, whilst the zero offers a sense of the numinous and mysterious, the dawning of conscious awareness from a vaster space. There’s a sense of not being defined, not yet, even as new cycles in our lives begin and old ones draw to a close.

Avia Venfica, a favorite internet source for all kinds of symbolism, says, “…the spiritual meaning of zero deals with pure potentiality.  It is the point from which all other numbers spring forth.  Even visually – the number zero is symbolic of the seed, womb or egg from which pure potential emerges… Focus upon the zero is encouraged when we wish to be present in the moment, when we are trying to regroup our level of awareness.”

This eclipse set falls in my tenth (contribution to community) and fourth (inner self) houses. A couple of weeks back, I had the nudge to ask a few clients for their written experiences of my recent work with them. This started a process. Their shared experience of my services reflected back aspects of my offerings, which allowed me to “regroup my awareness” around how I language what I do. Much of the time I feel like “pure potentiality” but this process allowed me to spell out what I consistently do for others.

This also helped me address confusion. Some clients have asked whether I do astrology. I still include astrology in my sessions, but I now offer much more. One return client expressed fear about booking, saying she didn’t know what to expect from a session now. She made it out alive! (Please feel free to check out my newly revised services page, as well as my wall of PRAISE)

We are all undergoing shifts, aren’t we? Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Here are some more ways to explore Leo-Aquarius at this Full Moon Eclipse:

Where can you show up more fully, in your Light, as yourself? When I asked for testimonials, I had the idea to show my clients more fully. I love my clients. They are beautiful, talented, many are healers in their own right. Right after that thought, I synchronously received a picture with a testimonial. I asked two more for theirs. This led to my new “wall of praise,” which is giving me warm fuzzies to read. Check it out! (If you’ve had a session with me and would like to be included in the fun, too, please do- email me).

Sticky habit of making yourself invisible? By not speaking up? By not putting your picture up and branding your service? Not claiming your ideas? This is an especially potent time for chipping away at any old patterns of invisibility by doing a similar act (like putting your mug out there).

Are you connecting with your right audience? If you don’t feel you are connecting with your audience (Leo) might you slightly tweak how you are presenting or your message in order to call in your right people? If this eclipse falls in the 3rd/9th look at communication; in the 1st/7th look to your appearance. Questions of style and marketing are not superficial for Leo, but a way to effectively connect.

“Can you please be a little more arrogant?” This is what my teacher asked me recently. She’s said it before, and I get it. Unless you are Donald Trump, who wouldn’t be my audience, anyhow, I am positive that you, like me, could stand to take more credit for your achievements, successes, gifts, talent.

Where do zero degrees of Leo/Aquarius fall in your chart?  Play with the symbolism of zero, and your ideas about Leo/Aquarius, in this area of your life (click here for an explanation of eclipses through the houses). Look around and you’ll notice change brewing. Is it time to regroup here?

Lastly, becoming… takes time. Give yourself permission to create, and to not produce. It’s more important to focus on releasing yourself from arbitrary timelines, conditioning and expectations you hold –those fixed ideas about who you should be can be dangerous to the budding new person or thing you’re birthing. And don’t be afraid to ask for praise/feedback and support. The individual parts and pieces that different people see in us (Aquarius) can help us see the beautiful artist that we are (Leo).

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I had a dream recently. I was in a room with a tiger. I felt threatened and quite terrified. I was crying and kept calling out for my mother. I knew she was nearby, but she didn’t come. When she finally arrived, angry and in tears I asked where she had been. She nonchalantly replied that she was “out to lunch” – apt for my real-life experience of my mother, and that my current tiger situation was “no big deal”.

As I awoke, I reflected on how my internal mother shaped how I have historically treated myself during both moments of distress, crisis and fear, and just generally. The tendency to diminish my sensitivity, my feelings, dismiss my needs, the tendency to neglect to value and attend to important information from the Soul. And the terrifying feeling that, no matter what, I am utterly, utterly alone in life.

My angular Aries Moon is conjunct Chiron, and my Moon and it’s ruler (Mars) is in difficult angles (squares, opposition) to almost every planet in my chart. It is, by all accounts, a stressed Moon, reflecting my early nurture conditioning. The birth chart accurately tells us what we’re up against. Yet just as a pearl is cultivated through the friction of sand, these same factors have made me:

Value my feeling life, listen to my Soul’s voice, become an expert in self-care and radical self-compassion, honor my big sensitivity, cultivate a relationship to Source (I AM never alone)

Mine is not a sob story. I’ve learned to see underneath the parental conditioning I received to what it’s honed in me. I am not a victim of their shortcomings. I would not be who I am without these traits – traits clearly so vital to my core that my family forced me to cultivate them more thoroughly, through their inability to do the same.

For me, the dream’s message was timely: It was time become the mother I never had.

In the birth chart, the Moon is the Mother. She rules the conditions of our early mothering/nurturing experience, as well as the one we endeavor to create for our self throughout life. A safe container and sanctuary from the rough and tumble dings and dents of the day-to-day world, she provides constancy, security, nurturing — reliably coming to our aid when we are distressed, picking up the pieces, soothing.

In a nutshell, the Moon soothes. She befriends. She empathizes. She tenderly holds. She accepts everything. She unconditionally loves. She rejects nothing – no feeling, no hurting self-part. It is all good.

Her consistent message: You are okay. It is okay.

Obviously, not everyone gets this ability to self-soothe from their childhood experience. Not everyone has a natal Moon that says, yes, being okay comes second nature to me, my feelings weren’t rejected, my needs were consistently met, I felt safe, responded to, loved, protected etc… All those good Moon things.

So, with the North Node transiting Cancer, the Moon’s sign, it is time to become the mother we never had. The North Node always reflects the evolutionary impulse to take a step forward in our evolution. It points the way, through the sign it transits, offering, “Here’s how to free your self from the soul cages of the hardships you’ve endured, and the sense of being alone (Capricorn South Node).”

It is time: To create sanctuary and safe harbor for our self, by deeply attending to our feeling life, what we most need. To cry. To allow our selves to melt into our own feelings, longings, and unattended to needs. Maybe that also means taking pause, at this solstice, to stop and reflect on how long we’ve expected our loved ones -spouses, parents, siblings- to do this for us. Can you let that go? It’s a tough one, but…

It is not their path to know how to best take care of, value, love, respond to and honor us.

It is not their role to be our parent– perhaps the one we never had. It is ours.

Saturday morning’s Cancer Full Moon peaks as the holiday season is already in full swing —a multiplex of feeling layers are playing out in many households, and it’s solstice, a time when our physical energetic resources are naturally at a low ebb. Translation: Big-ly feelings. All the feels. Vulnerability, sensitivity, fatigue. And we are likely needing far more alone time than we’re getting…

When it all feels too “big”, it’s a good time to become the mother you never had.

Here’s what I’ve been working with. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, inconsolable, try this. Sit in a quiet space. Get still. Say (aloud or to yourself) It’s okay. Let the thoughts come up to refute this, about how okay it isn’t. To which you consistently reply: “It’s okay.” “It’s okay.” “It’s okay.” Slow down. It’s not a race. You’re not trying to convince yourself that it is okay, but to know that okay is actually your baseline, your natural state (and know that the other, the not okay, is a total fabrication).

The next step is to feel this in your energy body. This involves the practice of inviting and allowing. You say “It’s okay” (invite)  and then you pause and wait. The energy of feeling basically okay/good will expand inside you, as you allow it, maybe in your belly or your heart. You can’t force this, it needs to arise naturally. Do this a couple of times and you will build a new self-nurturing baseline for your self.

Finally, it’s easy to think about your family’s shortcomings during the holidays. Try considering how your nurturing (Moon/lunar) influences have shaped you, positively. Did you have a narcisisstic parent? I bet you’ve become an expert in empathy, caring and advocating for yourself. Angry parent? You’ve learned that not being an arguer doesn’t make you weak; you know blowing up in anger solves nothing. You’ve become an expert peacemaker with a PhD in kindness. Really, whatever your familial poison – and there are many- you can lemonade it. You can see how the sand they offered helped you cultivate your pearl.

If, by now, you have run to your chart to analyze your Moon might I suggest taking the above approach? Because if you’re looking for a reflection of a perfect nurturing (or anything- relationship, life purpose etc.), you’re barking up the wrong tree! Your Ego can have a field day looking at how “afflicted” your Moon is, which is so incredibly unhelpful. Know: the birth chart is an accurate reflection of conditions we encounter on our road to becoming whole, but interpreting those through the lens of strengths cultivated in you, seeing your inherent wholeness, is the gift of the wise perceiver. No chart can ever tell us that.

Why not give yourself the holiday gift of seeing yourself not as fractured, but as beautifully, perfectly whole?

It really is up to you. No one else can give this to you.

At this Full Moon, may we each be soothed.

To have that experience, during big feeling moments, that everything is okay.

It’s a time of radical self-compassion. For the feelings the season brings up. For oneself.

It’s a Me-Me-Me Merry Christmas (Tree Day)!

Because being radically compassionate toward oneself is the only way to be.

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Every year around mid-November, it begins. It creeps upon me so slowly that I don’t even realize it’s happening. Like a frog being boiled alive in water, the temperature increasing ever so slightly.

Holiday energy.

Buzziness, wanting to jump out of my skin, the feeling that I should be doing something, waking up at night with the feeling I’ve forgotten or am avoiding something, and the persistent feeling of being caught up in an exaggerated, larger than life energy… Holiday energy. My teacher reminded me that I felt this way last year, and the year before– as do many healers and energy sensitives – because dis-resonant energy is really high now.

Have you ever met someone who represents their self in a certain way but is actually something else? Something doesn’t quite add up, and that feeling is off-putting, persistent. It won’t go away in their presence. If so, you’ve sensed dis-resonance. Dis-resonance generates itchy, anxious feeling energy. Now multiply that times 3 million. For a few months. Welcome to the holidays, at least in America.

It’s an itchy, buzzy, weird feeling time.

Where’s the disconnect? To begin with, there is a huge gap between the original intention of the holidays – holy, inspired days of connection to our deeper source of Light, Hope and Truth- and what they have become: overly commercial and fraught with anxiety. For many, the holidays bring the pressure to perform, to participate in social obligations and rituals that feel empty, materialistic or meaningless, with people (family) we feel ambivalent about. ‘Tis the season of obligations and shoulds, forced smiles, obligation and forced cheer. We’re supposed to enjoy and be uplifted by what we’re participating in…many don’t. All of this circulates dis-resonance, a generalized energy of being off or not quite right.

What to do?

A cardinal rule of energy is that when we ignore the messages of our deeper self, we make our self vulnerable to picking up unwanted crap.  If our Soul does not want to be around certain people, does not like living in a certain place, if we don’t like celebrating in a certain way, but we are doing those very things anyway, we will feel anywhere from shitty to downright awful.

Kind of undercuts cheer, joy and love for human-kind right?

It’s time to get right with our Divine Self. To put the holy back in the holidays.

I started with Thanksgiving. Feeling the historical deception of, and socially enforced gratitude associated with this holiday, I began by renaming it. I couldn’t decide between Thanks-presence or Peace-giving, so I chose both. This meant everything I did on this day would be grounded in presence and bring peace to me. If an activity didn’t give me either, I didn’t do it. To kick off the first annual Thanks-presence/Peace-giving Day, I opted for a sunrise hike. Because Spirit reciprocates intention, Divine Orchestration occurred when, even though I unknowingly chose one of the most popular sunrise hikes in Honolulu, Google Maps directed us to a trail that allowed us to walk totally on our own, in absolute peace and presence (when we reached the top, we were greeted by at least a hundred people who hadn’t).

When I noticed a “feel-good” Christmas movie didn’t feel good at all, that it had the dis-resonant effect of making me more tuned into the general collective energy, I turned it off. When playing Scrabble made me feel slightly nauseated it was because I didn’t want to be playing it so I stopped (feeling any kind of shitty means you don’t want to be doing that thing). Being intentional shifts everything.

Onto the big one. When my teacher asked me to think about Christmas and feel into my body, and my belly hurt, I realized how much I was dreading the whole thing. I used to love Christmas. But years of feeling the gap between what it is supposed to be and what it is, and now, 80-degree tropical weather making it easier to attempt to ignore, well, the energies have become even more dis-resonant for me.

At the risk of becoming a Grinch, I needed to perform some holiday energy alchemy.

I began by renaming Christmas “Tree Day”. The pagans really worshipped only one thing: nature. Christmas’ origin was simply a day celebrating trees. I love trees. What else could I make personally meaningful? As I flipped through some holiday traditions in my mind, several things jumped out: I like wreaths a lot. I like stuffing stockings (but no oranges). I don’t like poinsettias. Gifts: mixed feelings.

As a child I loved giving gifts; only in my adult years have I begun to resent the social pressure around it. I’ve decided to restore gift-giving to its rightful place: as packages of hope. Legends and stories continuously explore the idea of any gift given as one of hope and light during this darkest time of the year. Instead of buying, now I am intending. Still, I don’t love poinsettias. Never have. That’s okay.

Researching wreaths, hanging wreaths on doors dated back to the Romans. Wreaths symbolized victory, the Sun God Apollo, and Light. The Sun symbolizes the self, and it feels cheery and expansive having a wreath on my door.  Different types of trees have different meanings, too. When I went to buy a tree, I chose a Douglas Fir, for its aromatherapeutic fragrance and symbolic ties to Truth (it is an upright, straight tree). The spry man helping me load my car, seeing my cart with a wreath, tree, and a few hibiscus flowers for festive measure said “Hey, it’s Miss Christmas!” The irony of this was not lost on me.

I decided to decorate the wreath with intention and symbolism, too– an homage to the natural world I appreciate. On it I placed starfish (Divine Love, celestial guidance, regeneration), sea shells (gifts from the unconscious, wisdom), feathers (inspiration, synchronicity), driftwood and a weathered bone (death/rebirth) pine cones (enlightenment), juniper berries (magic, healing).

I’m making the holidays mine again. I’m taking back Tree Day.

This New Moon in Sagittarius is a perfect time to examine the rituals, practices and beliefs that give you meaning. Do they? Or are you unhappily going along with the program, or being avoidant -and feeling like crap?

This New Moon joins Jupiter in Sag, and exactly squares sensitive Neptune in Pisces. This big energy is like the waves we’re experiencing at the North Shore here now- exaggerated. It’s easy to get caught up in a wave of big energy right now. Little irritants expand. It’s easy to turn a minor issue into an emotional full feature dramatic film. Be the witness (Neptune), watch the rise and fall of the waves and pull inward. Notice how easily big weird energy shifts into expansive calm once you recognize it as simply energy.

Because we are in the holidays, the more inward you go right now, the better you’ll fare. Here are some ideas for more gracefully surfing the holiday energy (from mid-November to early January):

-Be very intentional about your experience. Once I began intentionally interacting with the holidays, making it mine, the energy began to shift- and it bothers me much less. Research the symbolism and origins of your favorite aspects of Christmas. Develop your own relationship to the holidays, as a preventative against feeling yucky, resentful, anxious and weird.

-Remember that your happiness & joy is the greatest gift you can give to One (You) and All.  No one is cosmically “rewarded” for self-sacrifice and deferring to others, unless that’s their evolutionary growing edge. Be honest with yourself about this, for you. Look at how habits of self-sacrifice serves no one.

-That said, try not to make yourself do things you don’t want to do… BUT when you do, acknowledge it and let it go quickly. We will all do things for others’ sake during the holidays. That’s a reality of being human. When you start to feel petulant, resentful, cranky, it’s a sign to back off and do for you.

-Figure out what you enjoy and be selfish about it. Be more selfish about what brings you joy and pleasure, not less. Will you allow YOU to give YOU what YOU most want for Christmas?

-Be more inward. Be less social. Listen to music, read books. Lay down. Take breaks. I’ve been really enjoying taking my time in the bathroom, just hanging out with myself. No kidding. (I’m loving the Japanese toilets we have in so many places here, with their heated seats and peaceful water features). If I’m out in a busy, public place I’ll usually find a way to hang out in the bathroom for a bit to re-ground.

-Acknowledge that there are big energies out there right now –and they are affecting you! You can’t control it. You can’t cancel the holidays, and their feelings of dis-resonance. But you can be intentional, and by taking exquisite and self-aware care of your self, shift your experience incrementally.

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Scorpio rules the deep invisible realms, what the five senses cannot detect, but we “know” and “feel” in our gut – like energy. Energy is invisible, moving around us all the time. That is the truth. Yet we don’t often acknowledge the truth that the funk we’re feeling is actually funky stuff we’re picking up on around us. We tend to think something is “off” with us, when the reality is we’re either overtly, or unconsciously tuned into an energy field(s) that isn’t our own.

Then, like a fly buzzing in the corner of our room, or a pebble in our shoe, what starts off as a small irksome thing can become disproportionately big, developing into full blown case of overwhelm.

Our perspective gets compromised.

We lose our center.

We spin out.

The condition of energetic overwhelm is caused by one thing: being overly tuned into external energy fields, often multiple ones (there’s a fly -AND- a pebble!) to the point that we lose sense of our center and spiral into confusion, anxiety and a host of other problematic emotions.

What perfect storm creates energetic overwhelm? Energies from global or local events, our immediate environment, relationships, and our relationship with our self are always interacting. Lunations, nodal changes (the nodes just moved from Leo/Aqu to Can/Cap), the shifts of the planets (the past week or so Jupiter was in the last, or crisis, degree of Scorpio, and has now moved to expansive Sagittarius)…all stir up new energies. Collective events, like the election we just had here in the US, and the daylight savings time change, also can lead to an upsurge in weird strangeness, thus adding another fly in the room –or our field.

So, when energies get super intense, as they have been, here’s how to bring yourself back:

Slow your energy down. Anxiety/overwhelm/panic is a fast energy. The antidote is to slow down. Energetically, I mean. Imagine dropping down, down, deep into your core. Slow your breathing. Slow any racing feelings you feel. Nowhere to go, no one to be. Slowwwwww.

Ask, Where am I? Go into your body. Are you in there? Probably not. Set the intention to get back into your field, your self. Your energy has been overly tuned into other, external fields.

Drop into presence. “What do you mean I’m not present; I can’t do anything but be present?!”, or so says anxiety. The great paradox of anxiety is that it drops us right into the moment. That’s by design. Anxiety’s only focus is this very second because you’ve left the present moment. Know that no matter how present you think you are, if you are feeling anxiety you are being the opposite of present to yourself. You are overly tuned in to external energy and thought fields.

Find the place inside your energy body that is always okay, calm, peaceful. It IS there, even during the most distracting and intense emotions. Perhaps your head knows it is there, but you can’t feel it. The vital thing is to connect energetically with that place inside, so you can feel and experience that truth in your body.  Once you locate that place, drop in. You want to feel a “connect”. It may feel like a clicking into place or a “yes”, or a sigh, whatever it feels like to you the goal is to not just think “I’m okay” (and not believe it) but to feel totally that “I’m okay”. Wait for it to happen… (remember, slow). Wait to connect with that energy. It may take a minute or two to get the connect. Then a few more minutes to allow it to deepen, shift, for the Ego to get familiar with feeling peaceful energy and move through your field.

No mind. If your thoughts wander or try to work too hard at this, gently guide them back to your energy body. This is NOT a mental exercise. Even though it’s natural to try, your mind cannot truly comprehend, or do energy work. Just as you wouldn’t give your car to someone without a license to drive, when you see it start to get into the driver’s seat, kindly ask your mind to be the passenger. How will you know if you’re “in your head?” Problem solving, analyzing, judging, controlling. How will you know if you’re in your energy body? Surrender, curiosity, acceptance.

…Then allow the energy to naturally find it’s way home.

If the above doesn’t work, do “whatever works.” Sometimes nothing seems to work. Overwhelm shifts to panic, the Ego feels out of control. If you’re in this energy state, you’re feeling too much, too fast. It happens. Please be gentle with yourself, because judging yourself for feeling this way will only make it more difficult to locate your center again. Be extra kind and generous with you. Now is the time to go with “whatever works.” This means doing what it takes for you, no matter how silly, outrageous, embarrassing or weird it sounds.

Here’s my own list:

Shake. Animals discharge fight or flight by shaking. The action of shaking sends a message to the amygdala, the primal brain stem, that all is well. Soldiers suffering from PTSD have experienced tremendous healing through shaking therapies. Just a few brief (30 second or so) rounds of full body shaking can take your panic from 10 to 2 (or zero). I always recommend this to people who are working through discharging conditioned trauma energies. It really works.

Have sex. It may sound counterintuitive, like sex is the last thing you want to have when you’re feeling overwhelmed…but you’re in your head, you want to be in your body. Sex helps you to focus on how things feel from the inside which calms, relaxes and goes a long way in getting you back to center. There’s a reason why you often hear about soldiers looking for/wanting sex. It’s not just being horny or randy. Like shaking, sex calms the fight or flight mechanism.

-Take a cold shower. There’s something about the gentle “shock” of cold water that soothes the nervous system.  Try: a cold shower, cold water on the face, jumping in a pool of water or ocean.

Drink a cup of coffee. I know, again, maybe this sounds counter-intuitive. People focus so much on caffeine as overstimulating and potentially anxiety producing, but little is discussed about the dopamine in coffee. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter responsible for mood regulation, which is why, during times of overwhelm/panic/anxiety, some people actually find coffee therapeutically calming.

-Do something pleasurable. “I’m melting down… and you’re asking me to enjoy myself?” Yes. Have you ever felt awful, like it was the end of the world, convinced you’d never experience another day of pleasure in your entire life, then you see a chocolate chip cookie, a dessert you love, or an object of desire or beauty, a puppy or kitty or horse, and despite your devastation all of your energy suddenly turns toward THAT THING THAT YOU ENJOY (or would like to)? Yep. That. Indulge it. That beautiful distraction can help you return to your center… though it’s not actually a distraction at all. You are joy, you are love, you are beauty, you are peace. That’s why you’re drawn toward these joys. Pleasure, allowing yourself to gravitate towards it, is your own intelligence at work: You are actually recognizing, resonating with and nourishing the real energy your True Self.

Ultimately “whatever works” means doing that thing you need, what works just for you.

There are a lot of big energies out there that feel yucky, icky, awful. A secret to working with and mastering Scorpio/Pluto energy is recognizing that a) you can feel all these things you feel and b) you’re not going to die if you feel them c) and you don’t have to like these uncomfortable energies to be okay with them… because that’s the only way you’ll be able to let them go. It’s okay, and human, to want to feel comfortable and peaceful all the time…but you won’t, always…so it’s okay to feel (even extremely) uncomfortable sometimes, too.

Energetic overwhelm can be very convincing in its capacity to mess with your perception, creating big scary shadows out of little things, but it is just another energy state to work with. You just need to recognize that you are off center, and then guide your self back to home to who you truly are.

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I had a moment last week, not one of my clearer ones, even though it yielded some good, profound realizations. I had been interacting with a lot of people in grief energy, which I in turn thought was mine, which is always tricky. So, for some time, I went deep into the energy of grief.

I can say now that I got to take a master class on grief. As an energy packet, I intimately know how it feels: heavy, thick, tired, foggy (especially when not being processed), sad, angry and intense, dark, brooding, lonely, pissed off, desperate, frustrated, wanting to curl up and die. I felt all of this, and, as you might imagine, it was really awful feeling. Because so much is clustered together, grief is has multiple layers to it. It isn’t just one feeling; it has so many expressions making it complex.

Grief… We all get to feel this way, right? It’s human. When we do, we need to move through it. There are many ways to do this. During this time, I had a dream where I was watching flood waters rising (a symbol for feeling helpless to emotions) and yet I noticed some people were water skiing, snorkeling, and many were just walking through it. With grief, as with any energy, we get to choose how to direct it. Yet to do that we need to take time to observe and acknowledge it’s presence. In my dream, the water of emotion was actually very shallow, with multiple avenues for “crossing”; grief only gets overwhelming & anxiety producing when refusing to engage it (or when mistaking another’s for yours).

Here are just a few ways to work with grief:

-take time to FEEL

-draw, paint, write, express

-cry, yell into pillows, curse at God/Goddess (they can handle it)

-indulge your inner child with goodies and treats

-treat your self as you would a sick person, with utmost compassion and care. In acute loss, keep your self warm & comfortable. During shock/trauma, the body gets cold easily and digestion is compromised, so easy to digest foods, like broth, are life savers.

-observe the stories you are telling your self

One of the cool things that complex energy packet we call grief does is alert us to false stories we are telling our self. If it weren’t so painful it would be funny how they are right there, ready and waiting to start up. What story do you consistently turn to when grief, sadness and loss comes up for you? Is it about how you will never have (this or that)? That life will always be, feel or look this way? Is it a story about regret? Is it an untrue story about your self? Or another person?

Even though I was feeling others’ energies, that sadness alerted me to a story. I had been telling myself I was waiting for a moment of enlightenment, of change, a moment when my big transformation will kick in, and that moment will lead to some ultimate outcome. Then… oh God, what if it doesn’t? What if that never happens? I was caught up in hope & fear (Sound familiar?)

I can tell you where this line of thinking lead…despair, agony. Nowhere good. However, when I sat with the energy, neither feeding the story with thought nor trying to change it, and grounded instead, sitting back into my pelvic bowl, it started to shift and open up into a lightness of being. Nowhere turned out to not be so bad, just a place of emptiness. Here, you discover that you are just pure Light. There is nothing to change or transform your life into; you are there already.

Try the above. Sit with the energy of your story & watch it shift & clear.

Then, try this on, see how it feels for you:

There is no ultimate transformation to be had; you are already transformed. The only thing to do is to settle in, and become more comfortable with where you are now.

Whether healing through loss or wanting to align with something new and wonderful, “transformation” is a hard sell in our culture. So much so that the fact that you are already evolving, without needing to acquire, be or do anything, has become a radical thought. Western culture sells us on having better, being happier. Pop spiritual culture says if we were more authentic, more aligned with Love or God, or healed…then xyz would happen. We think we’re just one astrology reading, book, relationship, diet, job away from transformation.

Can you see the set up, for either hope/ecstasy or fear/despair?

Primal emotions run hot and dramatic during Scorpio season. We might feel a driving energy get to the bottom of things. Darker energies, like grief, arise. We can get stuck on a story. Taurus Full Moon grounds us: There is nothing to change. No peak experience necessary. No need for soul mates, “finding my purpose,” a new diet or cure. You evolve naturally. You are joy. Everything is for you, here, the miraculous in the mundane – which is also how we get to experience joy. In the delicious coconut milk iced latte I’m drinking, the cuddly softness of my dog after being freshly scrubbed with lavender mint buddy wash, the smell of the wild ginger on our lanai that bloomed for the very first time today.

Always, these simple pleasures are impossible to enjoy if I’m caught up in an energy.

In nature, transformation is not an ambition or wish to be something we are yet not…it is happening all the time, 24/7. Paradoxically, when we flow with that which we already are, instead of thinking there’s anything we need to do or be, “what is” aligns with the change our Soul wants to experience next. That’s when the synchronicity for our next step suddenly appears, the magical thing you are waiting for manifests. Just as the rain stops only when it’s done raining, and the flower opens when it’s ready, we need only trust that our highest unfolding is happening…and enjoy the experience.

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I’ve been making a lot of decisions to do things differently, lately.

I made a decision to quit my guitar class. It was a difficult one because I really enjoy learning guitar. In fact, I enjoyed riding my little beach bike to the university twice a week with guitar on my back…feeling the quintessential cross between Gidget and an aspiring Sheryl Crow. But those good reasons didn’t outweigh the fact that the class itself, several aspects of it, were not working for me to the point of disrupting my energy field for hours. And the more I tried to make it work, the more out of alignment I got.

So I put on my Wonder Woman bracelets and did the hard thing. I decided to quit.

But the next day there I was not following through, and feeling real shitty.

Then, the next, and the next. Fuck. I did not want to let this go.

I knew exactly what my Soul wanted but when I imagined telling the teacher it was instant story time about how bad it would make him feel, how he’d want to change my mind, etc. etc. and how awful that would be for me. I also knew that when I turned to my sweetheart for support he would likely disagree with my decision.

This was paralyzing me. I sat with it and realized I was making some critical errors:

I needed to stop considering other people’s feelings. At all. I know it sounds dramatic in this day and age, but for sensitives over-consideration of other’s feelings stymies the inner warrior, leadership. Thinking about how someone else might feel can perpetually paralyze right action of the Self. In clear moments about “what’s right,” it is not necessary to take others feelings into account.

What if Rosa Parks had thought “I don’t want to make the driver late for dinner and get upset with me” and decided to give up her seat? For me, sometimes thinking of heroic female role models who stand in what’s right and true…and they abound right now… helps to mobilize the capacity to stand in truth and then take action.

How else can it be loving to not consider others feelings? Mothers do this with their kids all the time. That’s the Soul to Ego. It is always loving to stand in truth and light.

That’s love. And:

What’s right for me is also right for you. This is a tricky one to wrap your head around, because clearly two people can be of different minds about the same thing. But opinions and beliefs come from the Ego which is always acting on limited information. On an ultimate level, it is impossible for two Souls to be in disagreement… about anything. If something feels wrong for me, it is also wrong for you, even if you don’t yet realize it. I first learned this when I made the decision that we needed to move, which my partner initially very much opposed. I trust my truth, even when others disagree. It is hard to make this call, but at this point it would be harder to ignore it. Love does what’s right, even when it’s hard. That’s love.

I needed to stop confusing approval with support. Ever done this?: I think I’m informing my husband of decisions that I’ve already gotten clear on, when I’m secretly asking “you do agree with and approve (and so love me), right?” Hmmm, but he often doesn’t agree. Because has his own Ego filter and can only respond through that. Yet on a Soul level he is absolutely accepting and unconditionally loving, whatever I do. He has proven this over and over again by standing by me during many decisions I’ve made in which he would do differently. That’s love.

What is love, to you? Is it agreement on all sides? Is it me, taking care of your feelings? Or is it doing what’s right for me — and trusting that’s what’s right for all?  Libra’s shadow is too much empathizing, confusing approval with love, over-consideration about others wants and desires, instead of what I WANT & DESIRE, all to the detriment of Self (Aries). This particular Libra New Moon is a time to reconsider any of your more shadowy Libra habits.

As a result of all this overdeveloped shadowy Libra action, I had lost touch with my backbone, and was waffling. I had been feeling as spineless as a jellyfish; I questioned whether I had courage at all! (Yikes, yes, just empathic). To locate your literal and metaphorical backbone, sink into your spine. When I sank into my spine, energetically, it was there, just obscured by the above. I kept returning to my backbone, my energy lit up, like a sunrise at dawn.

Also…

Make your desires your guide. As Venus makes her retrograde passage through 11/16 in the signs of Scorpio (in Scorpio till 10/30, then Libra) first and foremost it is time to develop a deeper relationship with our Soul’s truth. What do you really WANT? Really. Don’t listen to your mind, but your feelings and your gut. What feels pleasurable, right for you (and what absolutely, honestly, does not)? Listen. This is Truth. Take your time– she’s in the underworld for 40 days.

While noodling on the guitar, I’d been exploring how pleasure likes to go slow, meander, figure out what she likes… That’s what I want to experience while learning this new skill. During this period, as we each get clearer and more honest about our bottom lines, about what we really want, people may react, the cards will fall where they may.  We can allow that to happen. Because that’s love, too.

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“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too…”

–Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

Changes have been brewing over here at Moonkissd.com, dear reader. Maybe you’ve noticed I’ve been writing a lot more about energy and spirituality. Or perhaps you’ve seen the new look of my site, or the way I’ve dropped the “Astrology” from Moonkissd. Under my services tab, instead of astrology readings, you’ll now see only intuitive healing sessions as an offering. I’ve just resigned as one of the writers at Mooncircles.com, Dana Gerhardt’s beloved astrology site.

Why? Everything changes, and it’s time for a change.

A New Way of Being

Astrology has been my calling card for a long time. You may or may not know this: I have written Full & New Moon columns twice a month since 2004! I can’t even believe it’s been almost 15 years. Throughout all my explorations in learning various spiritual tools and methods, the astrologer hat stuck. I kinda thought I would do this forever. Have you ever had your plans fall away, to discover the Divine Universe had other, bigger things in store for you?

Well, this has happened for me.

In spring 2016, something dramatic occurred in my consciousness and energy body: I begin to sense energy very strongly. It was nothing like I’ve ever before experienced, or thought possible for me, and it totally rocked my world. Fortunately and synchronously I found my teacher very quickly. She gave me context for the what of what was happening, the why, and most importantly, tools for how I could most gracefully unfold into this new way of being.

As I spent more and more time in this new reality, learning to do healings and clearings, astrology started to show it’s limitations. It works great for giving context, meaning to life cycles, and can be incredibly affirming. Yet alone it does not move, shift and integrate healing energy- which is what I was now doing with most of my time. With clients, new insights were emerging and I found myself wanting to offer what was coming through, but often because of the expectation that we were having an “astrology reading” felt bound to hold that language, format.

One day when I found myself saying during session, to a client, “Do you want to keep talking about it (your issue) or do you want to finally heal it?” and then proceeded to do some energy healing with her, I knew I had grown beyond what I’d created.

Okay, So How Does this Work Now?

Now that you know what’s up with me, how will this work going forward? Especially if you are a client, this may be important to answer (I will still write about astrology, some). In a client session, astrology is only one tool in my toolkit. For awhile now I have been moving toward intuitive healing, where I use a variety of tools like intuitive presence, channeling, energy healing…and some astrology, but not astrology exclusively. I’ve been transitioning for awhile; if you’ve had a session with me during the past few years you’ve already experienced this.

To be clear: I’m not doing just “astrology readings” anymore. This means if you want someone to do your chart, your baby’s or your partner’s chart exclusively, I am no longer your person. If you are looking strictly for an astrologer, I am happy to refer you to colleagues.

I know this news could be disappointing to some of you. But hopefully exciting to others!

Change isn’t necessarily hard, but it’s new and unfamiliar so can be disconcerting.

I’ve built a substantial following while wearing my astrologer hat. I bow deeply to and thank all of you for the years of support in that phase of my calling. Rest assured, I still find the language extremely relevant and magical (here’s a bone for you: transiting Pluto is currently opposing my Cancer Midheaven, and over the next several years will oppose my tenth house Venus. This speaks to the necessary reinvention of my calling and worldly contribution, as a healer).

Yet as all stargazers know, seasons change, and I have, too. I am feeling incredibly liberated by this next phase of my calling and its unfolding. I fully understand I may lose some of you in this transition, so thank YOU. For those of you who remain and are along for the ride, thank YOU.

Much love to ALL!

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“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too…”

–Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

Changes have been brewing over here at Moonkissd.com, dear reader. Maybe you’ve noticed I’ve been writing a lot more about energy and spirituality. Or perhaps you’ve seen the new look of my site, or the way I’ve dropped the “Astrology” from Moonkissd. Under my services tab, instead of astrology readings, you’ll now see only intuitive healing sessions as an offering. Last month, I cancelled an astrological lecture I was due to give this fall. I just resigned as one of the lead writers/teachers for Dana Gerhardt’s beloved astrology site, Mooncircles.com.

Why? Everything changes, and it’s time for a change.

A New Way of Being

Astrology has been my calling card for a long time. You may or may not know this: I have written Full & New Moon columns twice a month since 2004! I can’t even believe it’s been almost 15 years. Throughout all my explorations in learning various spiritual tools and methods, the astrologer hat stuck. I kinda thought I would do this forever. Have you ever had your plans fall away, to discover the Divine Universe had other, bigger things in store for you?

Well, this has happened for me.

In spring 2016, something dramatic occurred in my consciousness and energy body: I begin to sense energy very strongly. It was nothing like I’ve ever before experienced, or thought possible for me, and it totally rocked my world. Fortunately and synchronously I found my teacher very quickly. She gave me context for the what of what was happening, the why, and most importantly, tools for how I could most gracefully unfold into this new way of being.

As I spent more and more time in this new reality, learning to do healings and clearings, astrology started to show it’s limitations. It works great for giving context, meaning to life cycles, and can be incredibly affirming. Yet alone it does not move, shift and integrate healing energy- which is what I was now doing with most of my time. With clients, new insights were emerging and I found myself wanting to offer what was coming through, but often because of the expectation that we were having an “astrology reading” felt bound to hold that language, format.

One day when I found myself saying in session, to a beloved client, “Do you want to keep talking about it (your issue) or do you want to finally heal it?” and then proceeded to do some energy healing with her, I knew I had grown beyond what I’d created.

Okay, So How Does this Work Now?

Now that you know what’s up with me, how will this work going forward? Especially if you are a client, this may be important to answer. I will still write about astrology some, but I’ve been doing less of that. In a session I may still use astrology, but as only one tool in my toolkit. For awhile now I have been moving toward intuitive healing, where I use a variety of tools like intuitive presence, channeling, energy healing, and more…but not astrology exclusively. If you’ve had any session with me during the past year or so you’ve likely already noticed this shift.

To be clear: I’m not doing “astrology readings” anymore. This means if you want someone to do your chart, your baby’s, your partner’s etc., if you want someone to predict or choose astrology dates, I am no longer your person. Since I am no longer calling myself an astrologer, if you are looking strictly for an astrologer, I am happy to refer you to colleagues.

I know this news could be disappointing to some of you. But hopefully exciting to others!

Change isn’t necessarily hard, but it’s new and unfamiliar so can be disconcerting.

I’ve built a substantial following while wearing my astrologer hat. I bow deeply to and thank all of you for the years of support in that phase of my calling. I still find the language extremely relevant, and magical (here’s a bone for you: transiting Pluto is currently opposing my Cancer Midheaven, and over the next several years will oppose my tenth house Venus. This speaks to the necessary reinvention of my calling and worldly contribution, as a healer).

Yet as all stargazers know, seasons change, and I have, too. I am feeling incredibly liberated by this next phase of my calling and its unfolding. I fully understand I may lose some of you in this transition, so thank YOU. For those of you who remain and are along for the ride, thank YOU.

Much love to ALL!

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