Loading...

Follow Marriage.com on Feedspot

Continue with Google
Continue with Facebook
or

Valid

Are you someone who is in a long-distance relationship?

And a relationship that has proved to be stronger and longer than you expected?

But you still can’t help but wonder how long is it really going to survive?

And don’t you really wish that you both finally manage to stay together and get rid of these recurrent absences?

Are you at a point where you hate the long distance that stands stubbornly between you two?

And just when you two are about to be reunited, do you severely dread that phone call or a text message saying his stay might go a little longer?

Do you ask yourself often that is it worth it, when you see those couple hanging out together, laughing and talking endlessly, while you keep peeking into your cellphone screen, waiting for a message to pop up from him?

And while it’s already a long-distance relationship, how empty and hollow do you feel when there are total absences at times and you are unable to reach him through your Internet-based texting and calling Apps, yet still paying all those monthly cellphone bills.

What it’s like to be in a long distance relationship

Well, I can totally relate to the situation that you are facing because, needless to say, I was in one too. My husband is an ex-Marine and spent years in the war in Afghanistan. We were unable to speak to each other for the longest of times during those two years, that later extended to another two years.

Now when I take a trip down the memory lane, I literally smile thinking of how all those years brought our hearts closer and strengthened our relationship. We were more appreciative of each other’s sacrifices and respected each other’s feelings.

Now that I practice as a counselor for couples struggling in long distance relationships, I realized a long time ago how this distance only causes people to be closer and bond as better partners.

Let’s dig a little deeper into how in a long-distance relationship, absences actually strengthen the bond that you share.

How does it work for couples who are always together?

If you are struggling in a long-distance relationship and you consider ‘distance’ as the bone of contention and root of every single problem in your life, then let me enlighten you with a dose of reality.

Couples that stay together and have never experienced distance and absence (that you may envy each day when you wake up perhaps) are not happy couples most of the times.

Although they are together after experiencing intense surges of emotions and feelings for each other, most of them fail to retain the irresistible attraction that they initially felt through the years.

Since I also offer to counsel to the couples with unhappy problems, struggling to keep their relationship intact, let me tell you that most of the couples complain of having a lack of involvement, attention, and attraction.

Most women and even men complain of being taken for granted and how things turned out to be not up to their expectations.

So, it is not how it seems to be for the couples that are together.

None of the aforementioned complains are ever put forth by someone who is in a successful long-distance relationship. Rather, they really crave to be by each other’s side and hence the level of involvement and attraction is always high.

Staying in the mind and heart means staying in life

A relationship is all about involvement and emotions that a couple shares. If lately, you have obsessed with how other couples are hanging out together, flaunting their love and looking all happy and content, you need to know that it’s not the distance that makes the emotions fade away.

So, whether your relationship is the one that was a long-distance one since the beginning or it was a long-term relationship that later became a long-distance relationship due to certain commitments, just know that it is the distance really that is keeping you intact and all those emotions that you have for each other have only been augmented through this distance.

Ask yourself. Don’t you get goosebumps when you think about meeting him again? That shows the strength of your relationship.

Why Are Distance and Absences Important?

When emotions are strong and powerful, hearts are close, geographical distances don’t matter!

And this is how it works.

Distance and absence help you analyze so much about your relationship. It makes you recognize your partner’s efforts and the love that you both have for each other. It makes you appreciate things better. It makes you crave for each other’s presence that staying together for endless times never makes you feel.

While you are away and disconnected, it feels like it’s a test of your resilience, faithfulness, and commitment and you realize how important are all these things really are in a relationship.

How communication helps while being distant?

Communication over the Internet or phone is really helpful while the relationship is distant, and especially after those periodic absences.

With novel texting and calling apps and facilities like video calling has made staying connected easier.

When you get to see your partner on your gadget screen, all those feelings and emotions are aroused and you feel much closer. Also, love remains rejuvenated with regular communication.

Kill that Insecurity

Stop fretting about your long-distance relationship and shun all the thoughts about being cheated on or any similar doubts. The insecurity always comes when something is lacking in terms of the basics things in your relationship, such as love, commitment, attraction, faithfulness and so on.

It’s never the distance though. Focus on the qualities and sacrifices that your companion has made for you. And again, feeling insecure is just normal.

Distance doesn’t disconnect, it only refreshes

Distance makes you fall in love all over again. You truly recognize how you much does your partner actually matter for you. And yes, you become all creative in your love-life because of the distance that you experienced.

So, just celebrate these absences as powerful precursors of stronger love and bonding. Wishing you a life-long relationship!

The post How Periodic Absences Strengthen Long-Distance Relationships? appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 
Marriage.com by Paul Hokemeyer - 11M ago


Earlier this month the world was rattled by the suicides of two of the brightest lights in the realm of business and entertainment.

On June 5th, Kate Spade, an entrepreneur whose handbags and accessories brighten the lives of millions of women, succumbed to the darkness that plagued her soul. Just a few days later, Anthony Bourdain, a charismatic man who ascended from the humblest beginnings to celebrity chief, surrendered to the crushing weight of hopelessness and despair.

Everyone is asking is how could two people who seemed to have it all ever even contemplate suicide?

The answer has to do with the nature of celebrity and the challenges these human beings face in accessing quality mental health care.

The nature of celebrity

From the outside, celebrity looks like life perfected.

From the inside, however, it’s a life riddled with insecurities, vulnerabilities, hypersensitivity and a chronic fear of falling from a lofty perch.

Celebrities are objectified

 

As I explain in my upcoming book, celebrities are people who’ve been stripped of their humanness and objectified for a feature of their being – their beauty, their voice, their surname, their wealth, their intellect or their charisma. In this objectification, they become pawns in others’ ego gratification and tokens of others’ pleasure.

All goes well as long as they act consistently with the veneer of their celebrated feature. But when they evidence any signs of frailties inherent in their humanity, they’re decimated by the media and betrayed by their public.

Celebrities are isolated in their pain

Unfortunately, unlike other human beings who have strong social support systems who they can trust, celebrities are isolated in their pain. If they do reach out for help, they’re hunted like prey or taken advantage of by treatment providers who see them as profit centres and fodder for their narcissist egos.

But this trajectory of exploitation, suffering and loss can be changed and celebrity patients moved in a reparative direction.

Providing quality care

Quality care demands that at every stage of the power and economic spectrum, patients must be provided treatment that addresses their distinct cultural markers. For celebrities, my research and clinical practice over the last decade has identified the following three:

Isolation

Suspiciousness of outsiders

Hyper agency

The burden of transcending these markers and meeting the patient in a place of cultural competency and clinical excellence is on the treating professional.

Celebrities are a distinct minority group

It’s time for the field of mental health to recognize that celebrities are a distinct minority group with distinct cultural markers. We need to meet them in the darkness of their souls rather than demonizing them when they show human vulnerability or exploiting them as glamorous profit centres.

Yes, celebrities occupy a rarified position in our society, but culturally competent and clinically excellent care is a right, not a privilege that the treatment community owes to every human being at every cultural manifestation.

The post Celebrity Suicide: Decoupled appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Falling in love is the easiest, most beautiful thing in the world. You’re aware that’s just your initial enthusiasm. You wish you could be this happy forever and ever, but at the back of your mind, you know that it might be just a temporary fling.

But you keep working on the relationship. It’s the most successful one you’ve ever had. You understand each other, you make each other laugh, and the spark seems to be there for a really long time.

You’re sure this is the real deal… Or are you?

Does a successful relationship guarantee a successful marriage? Not necessarily.

We’ve all seen those perfectly happy couples get a divorce soon after the wedding, although they’ve been happy for years during their relationship. Yup, that’s exactly what happened to me. I married my high-school boyfriend. The great love that was supposed to be a lifetime connection. It failed.

Why does this happen to good relationships? Where do things break?

I analyzed the matter for quite a long time, so I think I have few potential answers.

Yes- A good relationship leads to a good marriage

Don’t get me wrong; a great relationship is still necessary for a good marriage. You don’t go marry someone just because you feel like your time has come.

You marry someone because you connect really well, you have tons of fun together, and you cannot imagine your life without this special person. That’s a good relationship, and it’s the essential foundation of a fulfilled future.

When you’re wondering whether or not you should marry someone, these are the questions to ask yourself:

  • Do you still feel the butterflies? I know that’s a cliché, but do you? Does this person still awaken your senses?
  • Are you still able to have fun with this person even after spending some boring moments together? When you’re in a relationship, you can’t always be out there exploring the world together or exploring each other. Sometimes you’re tired and bored, just like every other person on Earth. Are you able to recover from such downtimes? Can you get back to excitement together after recharging your batteries?
  • Do you know this person?
  • Do you want to spend your life with them?

The answers to these questions are indicators of a good relationship that’s ripe for marriage. It’s a good foundation to have!

But there are no guarantees!                                

I had the answers to those questions. Everything seemed perfectly flawless. Don’t get me started about those comments saying that you have to go through several relationships to find your true love. That’s not how things go.

Even though this was my first love, it was real and it didn’t break because we needed to experiment with other people. It broke because we didn’t get married for the right reasons. We got married simply because we thought that it was the next logical thing to do.

So let me ask you a few other questions:

  • Do you feel like you’re the only one who’s not married yet?
  • Are you thinking about getting married because that’s what your family expects you to do?
  • Are you doing it because you think that it’s just a signature and it won’t change anything?

If you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, then no; the good relationship won’t guarantee a successful marriage.

Let’s make something very clear: nothing is a guarantee for a successful marriage. You’re the only one who knows how much work you’re willing to put in it, and your partner is the only one who knows how they can invest the same level of effort.

No matter how happy you seem at this moment, things might break into pieces.

You should definitely get married to the person you consider to be the one. But take my advice on it: pick the right timing, too. You both have to be ready for this major step forward!

The post Can a Good Relationship Guarantee a Great Marriage? appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Irrespective of ages, gifts are cherished by everyone. A thoughtfully chosen gift can have magical effects in a bond and especially in a romantic relationship. Girls are more sensitive about giving and receiving gifts.

Therefore men try to make them happy by giving unique gifts to their girlfriend, whether to mark any occasion like Women’s day, Valentine’s Day, etc and, to mend things right or at times just to make them feel special.

But the confusion starts when they try to find the most appropriate gift for their lady love-what does she want? ‘’Will she like my gift?’ ‘Is the gift suitable for the occasion? -these are some of the thousand questions flooding their mind before they finally make the choice from an entire array of options in front of them.

Though it is difficult to know what will please your girlfriend the most, it is easier to identify her personality, likes and dislikes and gift her accordingly.

To make choosing gifts for your girlfriend easier, there are certain gift ideas according to the nature and choices of your partner.

1. Bookworm

If you have got a nerdy girlfriend there are many gift ideas for you, books being the primary one of course.

There are innumerable books on different genres- thrillers, horrors, non-fiction, romantic, historical etc.

Get to know which books she has in her wish list. Add to her shelf. Also, she can be interested in the latest stationery items, cool diaries, innovative bookshelves, pen stands etc.

2. Fashionista

Is she always searching for the latest fashion? Changing her style to match the fashion trends? Then you can gift her latest apparels, bags and watches, accessories, sunglass, jewelry, perfume, etc.

All the mentioned items have different types (much more than you can imagine). Therefore do your research before choosing the gift. Like whether she is into classy jewelry or she prefers junk jewelry; whether she would love to have a sari from you or jeans, etc.

3. The Beauty Queen

If she is really into beauty, wellness and grooming then a makeup kit, a manicure kit, beauty basket etc. can make her go crazy. These baskets and kits contain different items related to cosmetics, beauty products etc.

4. Pet lover

A basket with a pup peeping outside, a bird which can imitate and talk, a grand aquarium will be amazing for an animal lover. Also dresses for pets, belts, etc. will assure her of your concern for her pets.

5. Travel

If your girlfriend is bitten by the travel bug then a backpack, a trolley, trekking suit and other travelling accessories can make her smile wider. Also, a camera can be a great gift.

6. The baby doll

If she is still a child at heart and loves Barbie dolls still now, pamper her with teddies and soft toys. It is one of the best simple gifts for your girlfriend.

7. Floral Girl

Charm her with a bouquet containing her favorite flowers and mesmerize her with the fragrance.

8. Foodie

If she is a foodie gift her cakes, chocolates and other edible items of her choice. If she has culinary interests then kitchen items can interest her also.

9. Fitness freak

If your girl is a fitness freak then sports shoe, yoga mats etc. will definitely make her love you more.

10. Gadget girl

It’s a misconception that cool and trendy gadgets excite only men. So if your girl loves gadgets you have a wide range of options-phones, laptops, electronic accessories, etc. Gift them according to their likes and make their life easier.

Also if she is interested in games there are various options for you to surprise and amaze her. Also, both of you can have a wonderful time together by playing games together.

11. Girl with the green thumb

Does your girlfriend take interest in nature and all things natural? Does she have a garden at her place?

She will surely love green gifts- a plant pot, a seed, a bonsai and various gardening aids.

Final thoughts

Besides the above-mentioned gift ideas; cards, customized gifts, showpieces, home décor items etc. are some of the common gifts for any girl.

So start thinking about the gifts today only and make her day better.

The post What Gifts Should I Give To My Girlfriend appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Is love in the air or I’m trapped? You can think that I’m bizarre and lose the desire to go on with me from here, without even starting our safety love affair journey. But those who have been already engaged in digital trends and online dating platforms will easily identify one internet slang phrase behind these letters, which is “Love IS in the Air”. Literally, it means that love is between a couple, but recently it acquired its new tinge, meaning long-distance relationships and via online borders.

People do not want to stay alone, so they depend on online dating or meeting platforms to find their lovers. Is it a salvation or a trap? Maybe, your hopes will be ruined, but you need to be aware that according to recent researches the number of scams exceeds successful and safe real-dates or romances. A romance scam is a kind of deception when you connect with someone of your taste and interest via dating apps, social networks or chatting platforms, but it turns out to be a fake romantic intention and even dangerous connection. Such scammers leverage your emotions to gain advantage from you and receive money.  Nevertheless, the risk is on the table, but love still wants to be in the air. Let’s consider how to use all these digital trends for your good and not to fall for datings scams.

1. Take care of your privacy, like you do with your health

Privacy is one of the basic and vital needs, which has to be nurtured. If you decided to give online dating a try, please always keep in mind that you should always stay sober-blooded and don’t let your surge of hormones and feelings take over.

Do not reveal these private details: possessions, documents, addresses, earnings, names of the people you care the most or private media while chatting. Try to keep the communication light and general until you build some trust. In some cases, even personal real meetings are not the best way to reveal all the facts.

Trust is built with time and for someone, it can be a huge intimate step forward in relationships. The person who liked you will not care that much about your external world, as what really matters here is your inner world (interests, likes, dislikes, preferences, common values).

Whenever you feel that spotlight is directed solely at you and you’re asked lots of questions or somebody asks you for financial help, stay away from these scammers (block/ report) and do not try to teach them or emphasize. Social and dating platforms are pointing the gun towards our privacy. Don’t let this gunfire off.

2. Reflect the spotlight and run a quick research

One of the key points to having a successful business meeting is running a short research in advance. You know, in a personal meeting it will benefit even more. Every time there is a match you have a person’s profile with photos and some info. And how can you be sure that it is not faked and you’re not catfished or scammed? Google someone you are interested in before the real meeting. The digital world offers you multiple ways to run a private research.

  • Get one of the profile photos and run a reverse image check. You will verify the appearance and personality in such a way.
  • The one contact point which never changes is phone number. Mostly, scammers are resentful of providing details about them at all. It is already a bad sign if you still communicate in that online dating platform after 2 weeks of chatting, and nobody initiates meeting in person. But in case you were lucky to get the phone number, use it as a thread. Look up for the phone number, which can help you to pull all the details about your love affair: social profiles, media mentions, check-ins or records.  
  • Social networks will tell you more than person him/herself. You will be able to verify some basic details as well as shape social and mental profile. Pay attention to posts, shares, likes, descriptions and networking circle (friends list).

3. Observe and interpret

Clear judgment is the opposite of love and passion. It looks like you can’t move in both directions, but you definitely should. When you look at a person you are able to observe facial expressions and body movements, the tone of the voice, even watch your feelings and sensations when being together. Though, it doesn’t work the same way with online dating, you also have things to pay attention at:

  • Chattings style (it has some tone, spelling, grammar, choice of words);
  • The frequency of responses;
  • Engagement in the communication (scammers do not like to provide any details about them, send pictures, meet in person or talk by phone); what is even more interesting they diverge and fire questions at you
  • Excessive compliments.

The most frustrating thing is that they play with your feelings, trying to leverage your wishes for their own advantage. Share with your close friend some facts or messages’ descriptions to get the sober opinion. The powerful theory of communication psychology exists because of its need.

One thought which constantly disturbs me is how dare these scammers to play with sacred and intimate feelings? When we have love wings, we feel powerful and inspired. But as we get trapped or face scamming, those wings lose feathers, become weak and afraid to show up again.

Conclusion

Try not to take online dating too seriously and consider it just as an option to meet new people and develop your relationships in real life, and not virtually as you know each other better. Personally, I’m using online dating apps because with my busy schedule and dislike to crowded places and clubs it is an easy way to meet new people.

Although  I had a couple of unsuccessful dates and was scammed, I still believe that my love affair “miracle” will happen one day. But that scamming case taught me to be careful and cautious in relationships with people.

The post 3 Tips on How Not to Fall for Dating Scams appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

If your wife or girlfriend is celebrating her birthday, or if you simply want to show off your chivalrous nature with an unexpected gift that shows your love and appreciation for the amazing woman in your life, you need to think beyond the cliché bouquet of roses or the “I Love You” teddy bear that most likely gets donated to Goodwill a few weeks after you purchase it.

The giving of gifts has been a part of courting, wooing, and showing love and respect for women for hundreds of years. Unfortunately, our generic consumer culture has taken much of the spice out of the “art” of gift giving. If you are not a proficient poet who can write a sonnet or a musician who can compose his own songs for the special woman in his life, a unique, unexpected, and matchless gift is also a great way to let your heart speak what words cannot convey.

Here are seven hot gift ideas for a woman who occupies a special place in your life.

1. Candles for every occasion

Candles are a favorite of women for a number of reasons. When infused with essential oils that can be calming after a long day of work. They are also a great addition to any romantic dinner.  There are also unique candles available like the ones that bring the smell of the sea into your home, perhaps reminding your loved one of a recent vacation to the beach. A mixture of coconut, tropical fruit, tuberose, salt, and white musk essences will keep your gal in a great mood.

2. Chocolates: A tradition that never grows old

A box of chocolates might seem like a pretty traditional gift for women. However, tradition isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and if you go beyond Hershey Kisses and other “over-the-counter” chocolates you pick up while waiting at the checkout line at the supermarket, chances are that chocolates can make quite an impression. Chocolates are loved by all and gifting chocolates is in itself a sign of love and affection towards your partner.

These days, many unique chocolate manufacturers allow you to personalize your gift with special messages imprinted on each piece of chocolate in the box. Here is a useful tip that you should certainly keep in mind: the darker the chocolate, the more aphrodisiac properties it is said to have. A little hidden intention behind gifting of a chocolate box might go a long way.

3. A home spa experience

If you cannot afford to take your girl to the local spa (which can easily cost you hundreds of dollars), the next best thing is to purchase a home spa kit that will help any woman to relax and unwind after a week of stressful work. There are many brands that offer home spa kits contains body scrubs, lotions, bubble bath, shower gel, massage soap, bath salts, and much more.

If you feel the need to surprise that special someone in your life with a unique and exceptional gift that goes above and beyond the wilted roses on sale at the supermarket, any one of these seven unique gift ideas for a woman will certainly do the trick.

4. Corsets: A gift for both of you

While chocolates might have a hidden agenda, our next gift idea certainly doesn’t conceal its intention. Giving a corset as a gift to the special woman in your life is as much a gift for you, as it is for her. A waist-training corset can help you woman get her hourglass shape while allowing you to maintain a sense of sensuality and eroticism in the relationship and is a great way to celebrate a special moment in your relationship (think anniversaries).

5. A bubble bath

Bubble baths aren’t just for kids anymore as several companies have begun to manufacture bubble bath products that will help adults relax and rejuvenate after a long day of work. A lot of products come infused with herbs like Valerian and Hops that can help your girl get a relaxing night of sleep. Bubble baths can also be a part of a romantic night at home, and many companies offer a wide range of erotic bubble bath treasures.

6. A romantic night with a bottle of wine

Some of the best gifts you can offer to a woman are experience based, instead of simply being consumer items that you purchase. Consider inviting that special someone to an outdoor concert that she had been wanting to go to or simply make an effort to get off of work early and prepare a romantic dinner that she had not been expecting. Whatever romantic experience you settle on, bringing home a bottle (or two) of wine is a great way to increase the romantic ambiance.

7. Creams, facemasks and other beauty delights

Never try to buy makeup for your wife or girlfriend. You will almost certainly choose the wrong color lip gloss or pick the eyeshadow hue that she most despises. Rather, purchasing a high quality skin cream or facemask is a great way to pamper your woman and to help her take care of herself. Skincare brands offer a wide range of rejuvenating products like face masks, sheet masks and clay masks that works to hydrate and rejuvenate her skin while she sleeps.

The post 7 Hot Gift Ideas for the Amazing Woman in Your Life appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Let’s face it. Your wedding day is not the time for a bad hair day! With a summer full of stunning and swimming, your hair needs a little extra TLC in preparation for your upcoming wedding.  

Here are some super simple DIY hair beauty tips for the bride you can do from the comfort of your own home, to have your locks soft, silk and vibrant, just in time for your big day!

For moisture

Pumpkins are beauty superfoods! They are rich in vitamins A and C, beta-carotene, potassium and zinc.  Mix one cup of pumpkin puree with 2 tablespoons of honey, a natural humectant. Wrap hair into a shower cap for 15-20 minutes and rinse.

For frizzy and dull hair

Product buildup and residue can leave your hair flat and lifeless!  The cure is, believe it or not, crushing an aspirin and adding it into your shampoo. The salicylic acid in aspirin helps remove buildup and restore shine. This remedy should be used a week before your wedding.

For vibrant color

Brunettes – Mix a combination of cocoa powder, honey, apple cider vinegar and plain yogurt.  Wrap hair into a shower cap for 25 minutes and rinse.

Blondes – Tilt your head back over the sink and pour a cup of cooled tea combined with fresh lemon juice over clean, wet hair.  Let sit for 5-10 minutes. This will warm up ashy blonde hair and leave your locks bright and shiny!

To clarify (For ultra shine)

Smooth hair cuticles and clarify hair with an apple cider vinegar rinse.  It is the secret to super shiny hair as the acidity in the vinegar helps seal your cuticles, assisting them to lie flat. Combine a tablespoon of ACV with a half cup of water and pour over damp hair.  Comb through hair and let sit for five minutes and then rinse. This can be a pretty stinky concoction, I also carry an ACV Build Up Removing Hair Rinse that is infused with avocado oil and lavender.

These wedding preparation tips will be your hair look fabulous on your D- day.

The post How to Tame Those Bad Ass Tresses on Your Wedding Day appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Many of the issues that people experience in any form of relationship stem from miscommunications, lack of communication, or feeling misunderstood. Here are foolproof ways to improve your communication in marriage to be more effective in your marriage.

Many of the issues that people experience in any form of relationship stem from miscommunications, lack of communication, or feeling misunderstood.

Below are foolproof ways that you can consciously and proactively improve your communication skills to be more effective in your marriage and in other personal relationships.

Be an active listener

Too often we make the mistake of listening to what others have to say with an intention to respond.

We think that we need to always have an answer or something to contribute, however, a truly excellent communicator knows and operates on the old adage that, “Speech is silver, but silence is golden”.

This means that it is good to contribute and respond, but it is even better to listen and to truly listen.

You can be an active listener by maintaining eye contact with the person whom you are listening to/speaking to.

Be aware of your body language

You can also be aware of your body language while engaged in conversation to ensure that you are showing that you are fully committed to the act of listening (open arms, body position facing the person you are communicating with, leaning in if possible/comfortable).

Finally, active listening does not always mean a response is warranted and it goes beyond just responding with “uh huh” and “yeah” or other reaffirming commentary. When you are engaged in conversation, make sure you are truly listening to what the person is saying.

Make sure you’re ready to engage in conversation

Many of us work long, tiring days and when we come home after having to put our best faces on, the last thing we want to do is talk. Know that it is perfectly normal and healthy to want some quiet, alone time before engaging further in more social interaction.

Understand your own boundaries and respect your partner’s boundaries

I hear of many couples that struggle with creating and/or understanding boundaries leading to a breakdown in communication in marriage.

Many times, one person will enter their home after a long day with the other person home already, eager to share their day, thoughts, and ideas the second they can. After a long day at work, we all need some time to unwind.

Identify if you yourself need some time to unwind

My advice is to simply identify if you yourself need some time to unwind before delving into a conversation. If so, identify a period of time (15 minutes, an hour, whatever works for you) and simply respectfully tell your partner, “I’d love to hear about your day and all of your thoughts, but I first need 15 minutes (or whatever timing you deem necessary) to unwind.”

It sends the message that you want to listen, but you first need to take care of your needs in order to better meet the needs of your partner.

It is the equivalent to this concept: If you are on an aeroplane that is going to crash, you must put your own oxygen mask on before you even attempt to help anyone else.

Make sure your own needs are met

You are much more useful and helpful to others when you make sure your own needs are first met.

On the contrary, if your partner is working on setting the boundary for him or herself it is imperative that you honor and respect their needs. They will be of greater service to you and will be a better listener if you respect their time and individuality first.

Ask your partner for his or her attention

If there is something you would like your partner to listen to attentively, ask them first if it is an appropriate time.

This may seem counterintuitive because you may feel that your partner should always be ready, willing, and eager to listen and while that is true to some degree, it is also extremely beneficial to both of you to check in to make sure the timing is appropriate and that you have the time to express your thoughts in a way that is meaningful to you.

Look for an appropriate time to talk for a healthy communication in marriage

Long days at work, emotions, energy levels, demands, and responsibilities all play into our attention level.

If there is something you want to talk to your partner about, even if it is light-hearted, and you feel that you may not be able to hold their attention simply ask, “I want to talk with you about ______, is now a good time?”

If the answer is no, try not to take that response personally, understand that if you attempt you may not be happy with the result and express the level of importance.

If it can wait for a later time, tell your partner you’d like to discuss it when you know you will have his or her undivided attention. Encourage them to do this with you in return so you will know when to dedicate the time and attention at appropriate times for your partner.

Communication in marriage is much more than just our words

Communication is much more than just our words, it also includes how we use our body language, energy and our thought processes.

To improve this important area, we need to take a good look at ourselves and understand where we may be falling short.

Steadily working to rectify any communication issues will inevitably result in a more healthy relationship.

The post Foolproof Ways to Improve Your Communication in Marriage appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Lovers have been professing their love for centuries to their partners through an intimate proposal with traditional flowers. During the Victorian era, lovers used to have an entire conversation with flowers. Can you imagine how romantic it would have been? And, gradually over the years, flowers became a custom for conveying heartfelt emotions to the people you love. This ritual gained more popularity when everyone started to celebrate Valentine’s day.

As we all know every flower has a different meaning but there are some specific ones which are only meant for celebrating the love of your life. And here is an explanation of making them worthy of your love proposal. Let’s have a look:

1. Orchids

Orchids are meant to be the most romantic flowers that convey your deepest emotions and depth of your love. It is one of the rarest flowers which is available in almost every single shade that you can think of. And according to the language of the flowers, it is believed that the rarer flower you present to your beloved, the deeper your love. So, if you are deeply in love with someone, set the beginning of your love story with these exotic and beautiful blooms.

2. Blue Iris

The breathtaking blue iris is a symbol of faith and hope. There are a lot of meanings this flower holds, but when it is given as a gift to someone, blue iris conveys deep sentiments of the sender. It is also believed that the roots of an iris have magical powers, just like a new lover holds the power of attraction. So, a bouquet of a beautiful blue iris is the perfect floral arrangement capable of expressing your deepest emotions.

3. Roses

Roses are the symbol of romance. However, Roses are available in almost every shade to choose from but a bouquet of deep red roses is the perfect thing to say the magical words- ‘I Love you’. There is also a specific number of roses that can be considered ideal for a proposal, and a dozen red roses symbolize complete love.

4. Lilies

Can’t keep your eyes off her smile? Then why not profess your love with a bouquet of beautiful lilies. These breathtaking flowers are counted amongst the best blooms to convey one’s feelings of infatuation to someone. Lily is also the 30th-anniversary flower that signifies a strong bond between partners.

5. Tulips

Looking for an elegant proposal flower to win someone’s heart or to express your feelings? Then, tulips are just the right choice for you. Tulips are available in a variety of colors, but red tulips are seen as the symbol of ‘Perfect Love’. During the Victorian era, giving someone red tulips meant you are declaring your love for that person.

So, if you are looking for new proposal ideas to speak your heart out in the language of flowers then look no further as these are the perfect choices. Send your lover a beautiful bouquet to their work or doorstep or give it to them in person.

The post Planning to Propose? Exotic Flower Options to Choose From appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

I was in awe the first time I learned and understood how attachment style makes or break a relationship. Suddenly everything made sense!

The up and downs, the addictive emotional swings of my partners, the heartbreaks,  all my relationship history became clear when I saw it through the lenses of attachment styles.

I was an avoidant. And my partners weren’t crazy, clingy or overly emotional: they were anxious attachment types.

Read on and it will all become clear for you two.

The Four Attachment Styles

1. Secure attachment type

The secure type is comfortable with intimacy and emotional closeness, both giving intimacy and receiving it.

They play little games and tend to be honest and upfront. These are the guys and girls who say things like “I like you” relatively early without being afraid of “showing their hand”.

And they don’t pretend not being interested if they’re interested and don’t call it “hanging out” if it’s a date.

No, they’re not supermen and they come in all different shapes and sizes: from the 30 YO virgin to the extremely successful. And they can be confident and not so confident too.

2. Anxious attachment type

The anxious attachment craves and needs intimacy but is afraid the partner doesn’t want it as much.

The anxious type gets very nervous when their partner is away and they will seek to re-establish contact very early.

 If the anxious is mismatched with an avoidant, the relationship will be hell for both. But most of all it will be hell for the anxious.

Gender-wise, albeit there are plenty of anxious types in both genders, studies seem to point to more women with an anxious attachment style.

3. Avoidant attachment type

Avoidant, deep down, also need intimacy -like almost everyone else-. But they subconsciously cut off that need and whenever things get too close -that’s when they need to get away.

Sometimes people confuse them with unemotional people, but that’s not true. When avoidants face life difficulties or trauma, or when they are alone, they need intimacy. But as soon as they get, they crave freedom and independence again.

Studies seem to point to more men than women among avoidants.

4. Fearful-avoidant type

This is rarer -less than 5% of the population. Sometimes people abused in childhood tend to develop into fearful-avoidant types. They want intimacy but are afraid of getting close at the same time. Basically, they mix both negative qualities of avoidant and anxious.

Picking the perfect partner

Anxious + Avoidant

This is the worst match you can get.

It’s a rather common one and it’s also difficult to break up from. The emotional up and down of separation and re-pacification are addictive for the both of them, and especially so for the anxious type.

And some anxious types mistake the up and downs for signs of love.

They are not, they are the signs of the attachment system going awry. Beware of it if you’re anxious and when you feel your emotions are swinging a bit too much in the relationship, take it as a warning sign (or as an exit sign).

La Dolce Vita is a movie with a clear example of an anxious/avoidant relationship.

Secure + Avoidant / Anxious

The secure type is a thing of beauty as it has the power to make the other attachments less extreme. In a way, it helps them cure themselves.

This is especially good for the avoidant.

To end up with a secure, you must overcome your initial feelings of ambivalence as avoidants tend to find the secure type less exciting in the beginning.

Final thoughts

Your attachment style can make or break your marriage. If you’re an anxious woman -more likely- or man, make sure you pick a partner who’s secure -ie.: comfortable with intimacy. You will spare yourself years of pain and you will build your marriage on the strong foundations of a safe and intimate relationship.

 

The post The Secret to Happy Marriages – A Compatible Attachment Style appeared first on Marriage.com Blog.

Read Full Article

Read for later

Articles marked as Favorite are saved for later viewing.
close
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Separate tags by commas
To access this feature, please upgrade your account.
Start your free month
Free Preview