Don’t always listen to what men say! Don’t let a guy trip you up with his words. Actions are way more important.
It’s not that words are irrelevant. They are part of the whole package.
BUT, if the words aren’t matching the music, then you have a problem.
I get why you would want to take what a guy says at face value. Who doesn’t want to trust, and take what everyone says at face value?
When it comes to dating, and men in the initial stages of a relationship, you need to be careful, however.
Here is an example of something guys say that can easily trip you up!
He may say “I love you,” early on. Those words aren’t too shabby - I agree. But if he’s not consistently asking you out, if he’s not stepping up to the plate, and bringing up exclusivity, and moving things along, then the words are meaningless. While you are having a hot and heavy evening together, he may blurt out: “I think I’m falling in love.”
He may not be trying to hurt you deliberately. Guys aren’t always trying to hurt a girl. They may feel it in the moment, but then they just aren’t sure you are the one and so they don’t follow up the way you want them to.
“I think I’m falling in love,” followed by weeks of silence is a hollow sentiment. Meanwhile, “I think I’m falling in love,” followed by a guy who is in your life, moving things forward, seeing you on weekends and integrating you into his life, is what you are looking for.
The time you really want to pay attention to words is when he says something negative, like: “I would never want to marry again. My last relationship burned me forever.” Or, “I don’t usually date women who look like you. Most of my exes were models.”
Anything negative is not good. So ladies, be smart. Don’t be seduced by words. As much as you would love sweet sentiments to be true, be patient and evaluate - via actions as well as words - whether he is the right man for you.
Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, contact me for help. Because I want everyone to find LOVE, my rates this month of LOVE are half off on every course (except for my group coaching, which is already at a low price). All you need to do is click here to apply. If you have any questions, please email: firstname.lastname@example.org
If your search for Mr. Forever has hit a few snags, make sure you reach out! You don’t need to do this alone, and if price is an issue, I have a low cost group coaching option that you should take advantage of. Prices will be going up again Monday at midnight, so if you want in, it’s best to join right away to get the low locked-in price.
Do you want the best and most effective dating advice out there from a seasoned pro who has helped many women achieve the seemingly impossible: meeting and marrying their Mr. Forever?
The courtships you never believed were possible. The cute catch who is after you - you are no longer after the guy who doesn't want you back!
The flowers, the Saturday night dates, a cute guy to share Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve with.
This is what you will get in the group coaching course:
You will have me available in a special Facebook group called "Karenna Alexander and the It Girls of the World," to answer questions that come up about dating and relationships. You get my extensive expertise without the high price tag of private coaching.
Once a month, we will have a conference call, where you can ‘Ask Me Anything’ live.
Every week, there will be a Q and A in the closed Facebook group, where I will answer your questions under the post for that week.
Also, each week, I will post a lesson on a different topic. Past lessons have included tips you probably have never heard of before about online dating, getting better boundaries and getting over blocks.
All the prior posts will be archived in the group, so you can always refer back to them, as long as you are a paying member of the group.
I worked as a matchmaker in NYC and in the uber richest part of Connecticut for several years. Working with men, I learned a ton about them, and will share the inside scoop with you. You really do want me in your corner! I know how men think. :)
If you join before the price goes up by MIDNIGHT Monday, the rate will never change. That's why it's important to get in now!
COST: $30 if you buy the monthly option and $50 for 3 months of coaching. Again, the rates will be going up Monday (midnight of the time zone where you live), so lock this price in forever by purchasing the group coaching program now.
TO SIGN UP: All you need to do is email email@example.com for the payment link, and feel free to email if you have any questions at all. Once payment is taken care of, you will immediately be let into the Facebook group.
I can't wait to see you there, and start helping you find your Mr. Forever!!! Looking forward to you being my next success story.
* * * Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, join my group coaching course, which has super special low rates right now. Prices are going up Monday at midnight! It’s $30 if you buy the monthly option and $50 for 3 months of coaching. Again, the rates will be going up Monday (at midnight of the time zone where you live), so lock this price in forever by purchasing the group coaching program now. All you need to do is email firstname.lastname@example.org for the payment link, and feel free to email if you have any questions at all.
If you would like to apply to work with me through one of my private coaching programs, click here to apply.
Men tend to get a bad rap when it comes to being willing to commit to relationships. I’m sure I am not telling you anything new here - many women like to brand men as players, and jerks who simply don’t want to commit.
In my work as a dating coach, I have seen some truth to that stereotype, for sure. But I also have seen that there are a fair amount of men who can and will commit when it’s the right woman. They will commit when they are in love, and especially when a woman gives them space and when she doesn’t try to change them.
I also see another stereotype at play, involving women. Women get pegged as the clingy pursuers who are desperate to get married. While this is another stereotype that can sometimes be true, I have also noticed that many women have commitment issues as well.
Some women are so afraid of intimacy - due to childhood or other issues - they fear settling down. Sometimes they aren’t even aware of what they are doing, and they are on that hamster wheel, frustrated as to why things may not ever be working out in their romantic lives.
They may sabotage relationships time and time again.
Could this be you perhaps?
One of the traits I see in women who are afraid to commit is extreme pickiness about members of the opposite sex.
No one is good enough for them, and they remain single. They are looking for perfection, and can’t seem to find anyone who is good enough for them. Upon closer inspection and discussion with them, I often find that there are underlying fears there. Perhaps an ex hurt them so badly they have never been able to recover. Or their childhood was so dysfunctional they simply don’t believe they can ever find happiness with a man.
Instead of examining their fears, and figuring out a way to move past them, they spend their lives turning away really good guys. Not perfect men, but men who would make them perfectly happy.
Another surprisingly common behavior I see is that women fall for guys who are all wrong for them. What I believe is really happening is they are often recreating a pattern from their childhood, and many times they aren’t even aware of what is going on. A big part of what is going on is fear of commitment. These ladies will never commit to these unavailable men. In fact, these men aren’t in it for the long haul either. So there’s no worry about committing on either side.
The problem is when you date unavailable men you waste a ton of time, and don’t find the love that you truly deserve. Everyone deserves true healthy love, even if you don’t think you deserve it, and even if you think you will never get it based on your past conditioning.
The first step to conquer this issue is to recognize that you have this problem. If you see yourself in any of these examples, ponder the situation a bit. The first step in changing any problem is simply recognizing that there is a problem. Then, you can work on it. Feel free to reach out to me as well, as I created a special course to help ladies with the crucial inner work, called MAN-ifesting Mr. Forever, which helps ladies with inner blocks that are keeping them stuck.
Ladies, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and not finding high quality men, the answer could be due to subconscious dating patterns. Apply here to discuss whether I can help you in your search for Mr. Forever. xoxo, Karenna
Happy New Year everyone! Let’s start 2018 off brimming with positivity and good vibes! In all aspects of your life, including in your online dating profile.
When your online dating profile is negative, the men and the experiences you attract will be negative, too.
Here are some tips to keep in mind while writing (or editing, i.e. improving on) your profile.
DON’T write about what you don't want.
Too many women don’t get this!
Just like it’s a negative way of approaching life, it’s a negative way of approaching dating.
For anyone who has done manifesting work, this will come as no surprise. Whenever you are putting something out there into the world, you put it out there in a positive way. In fact, the times I do manifesting work that mentions anything negative, I erase the comments (or toss the paper) so they aren't lingering around. I keep only the positive declarations in my written and online journals.
Plus, when you say in your profile something like: “I don’t want manipulative men,” it’s essentially a turn-off to an emotionally healthy guy. A high quality guy knows - subconsciously or consciously - to stay clear. That kind of phrase leads him to believe that a woman’s prior relationships were likely messy and unhealthy.
Another reason not to write what you don't want in an online dating profile is because it does no good anyhow. It won't necessarily prevent the guys you don't want from contacting you. Asking for someone who is not a player won't ensure that a player won't ask you out.
The best way to keep those guys from coming into your life is to have the right mindset and the right dating strategy.
You can write about your hobbies and interests and of course deal-breakers, like religion, locale, kids situation, and age. Those are important. Beyond that, you can talk on the date and let them learn more about you then.
Also, you must watch a guy’s actions throughout the dating process. You don’t jump into anything too fast. You don’t accept exclusivity too soon. You don’t have sex too soon. You take it slow because that’s the best way to see what a guy is made of. The thing to put the most effort in when putting together an online dating profile is your profile photos, because as we all know, photos are the main thing guys look at. Beyond that, keep your profile short sweet and upbeat!
*** Ladies, if you are struggling to meet high quality guys, fill out this form to apply to work with me to get your profile up to snuff. ***
Wishing you all the best in 2018--may it be a year filled with positivity, success, joy, adventure and love! xoxo, Karenna
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty - Winston Churchill
I talk to many ladies who are feeling despair over their dating and relationship life. Either they are frustrated that their boyfriend is not treating them right, or they are single and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or they are feeling a loss of hope over a whole host of other factors.
With the holiday season in full swing, emotions can be magnified. It’s a beautiful time of the year - but if you aren’t in a good place it can be easy to sink into hopelessness.
I want to share something inspirational I just came across, something a friend texted me once, and it was so beautiful and helpful, I cut and pasted it and put it aside in a special folder of inspiring words.
I had been trying to get my business off the ground, but suffered a few setbacks in my business early on. Nothing out of the ordinary, but difficult nonetheless for someone who had no business, marketing or sales background. I was passionate about coaching, and was going to make it work, but that didn’t mean there weren’t trying times in the beginning.
Here’s are the words from a friend that made all the difference:
Be especially grateful for the really difficult moments. The really dark ones, when you start to question everything, that challenge you the most. It will really force you to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and learn to trust.
Always stay open and never say never. As you change and evolve as a person, your whole worldview can shift and change in an instant.
Just like these words touched me, I’m sure they will touch those of you who might be suffering a setback or difficulty of any kind - be it dating-related or in any part of your life.
How you react to your failures and setbacks is what will make or break you.
It might be hard to see when you are in the situation, but this is true. So embrace the failures. Stay as positive as you can throughout them. Just know - have faith - that you will get through it. Because you know what? You will.
This kind of thing is so hard to see in the moment, but if you can stick it out and have faith even in the darkest times, you will prevail. Giving up, and not learning from your setbacks and failures will keep you stuck.
When I look back at my business setbacks, and see them now through a different lens, I see how they propelled me much further ahead in my business, although I never would have thought so at the time.
The same can be said about any failure you may be dealing with: A relationship that had promise but simply failed. Or a broken off engagement. Or any romantic setback you regard as a failure.
Don’t let it get you down. Don’t let it make you cynical about love. Don’t let it cause you to give up totally on men. If you keep getting out there, using that mistake as a teaching lesson, you will be much better off than you were before.
Say, for example, your ex broke off your engagement, and you are shattered beyond belief. You are ready to crawl into a hole, declare all men jerks and live with your cats forever. Maybe that is how you feel initially, but you need to keep moving and also see your role in any equation. When you play the victim and when you don’t look on the bright side, you stay stuck.
It really comes down to a choice.
View that failure or setback in a way that will help you grow. Or view it in a woe is me way, which will keep you stuck.
It’s my experience that when something isn’t working, it’s best to let it go. It’s the universe saying: “This isn’t working. Let it go. Let’s make room for something else.” Depending on the situation, it could be that the person was all wrong for you. Maybe they were simply a buyer beware who was going to hurt you even more in the future. Or it could be that you were all wrong, that you need to change - perhaps you are a negative person and were repelling the man you were involved with by constant nagging.
It’s hard to see any rejection or loss in the moment as a positive, but there is often a silver lining, and these rejections are often gifts if you are willing to look at them in that light. It doesn’t mean you bury any problems, or ignore problems. It’s important to keep your eyes open and see what your role is in any situation. But try to see the silver lining, because there usually is a silver lining.
*** Ladies, if you are struggling with an issue related to dating, relationships or life this holiday season, APPLY HERE for a complimentary call to discuss ways I can help you.
Ladies, the inner game of dating is HUGE. You can be beautiful and a great catch, but if your insides aren’t in the right place, it will be hard to find a quality guy.
Some women are unconfident, others simply believe they don’t deserve a good guy, while others sabotage because they have fears of commitment, or for other reasons. Many ladies need a helping hand in their search for Mr. Forever. That is why I have assembled for you a handy gift guide this season with gifts for the inner game that you can buy for yourself - or put on your holiday wish list - to help you in your search for Mr. Forever.
1. A Blank Journal Whatever is going on externally is a manifestation of what is going on inside. Thoughts lead to your reality.
Journaling is one way to keep the inner game in a good place.
One journaling technique is to write out what you want, but don’t yet have, and normalize it. For example, you can write: “It is normal that I have…..”
The more you write it, the more you feel like it’s normal that you have it. If a goal doesn’t feel “normal,” it means you have more work to do to begin receiving it. Journals can also be extremely gratifying because they show you how far you have come. I’ve looked back over the months and years and have seen certain dreams manifest, and that is SUCH a beautiful feeling.
2. Two High Vibe Courses to Jumpstart Your Search for Mr. Forever These are the two courses I recommend, depending on your price point, and on the time and energy you have to devote to your search for Mr. Forever:
A) Getting Clarity on Mr. Forever This is a 7-day course that will help you find Mr. Forever by showing you the tools to get clarity on what you are looking for. When you are super clear on what you want to manifest, the search is much quicker and smoother.
The course delves into getting clear on the right guy, and working on obstacles - any fears or worries or anger from a past relationship - that may be getting in the way. We work on blocks that come up, and I show you how to begin manifesting a great guy.
This course contains personal attention via email from me throughout the seven days.
B) MAN-ifesting Mr. Forever This is a longer six-week course, which helps ladies who are on that hamster wheel trying to find Mr. Forever. I created the course after working with numerous beautiful ladies who were struggling to meet high quality men.
Many women have the strategy down, but they fumble because they don't have the right attitude, don’t think they are worthy, or for a variety of other reasons. The principals you will learn in this course are the MISSING LINK for so many ladies. This course contains six lesson plans on a variety of important topics, like boundaries, femininity and confidence, and also includes personalized attention from me, including phone/Skype coaching.
3. A Daily Appointment Book Having an appointment book - whether it’s a print one or a virtual one - will keep you on track and committed to get out to social events each week. When you are single, you need to be out and about, mingling and going places where you might meet Mr. Forever. It is way too easy to have a “Why even bother?” attitude when it comes to taking the right steps to find Mr. Forever.
When you don’t book the events in your daily planner, it’s easy to miss an event. You can be all gung ho, and excited for your weekly social events, but it’s so easy to lose your resolve when it actually comes time to do the work to doll yourself up and get to the event.
So to keep you on the fastest path to meet Mr. Forever, I suggest you get an appointment book of some kind, and make sure it’s filled weekly with at least three non-negotiable events.
4. Poster Board, Magazines, Glue and Scissors This is all you need to make a vision board, which is a visual representation of what you want your life to be like. Making vision boards is like craft time with the universe. They are not only fun to make, but they are so very effective. Vision boards allow you to dream big, and when you ask for something, the universe very often delivers.
Now, I would love to hear from you. What is your go-to tool to keep your inner game strong around the holidays?
For some single ladies, the holidays are tough. From the dreaded: “Why are you single?” question at family get-togethers to the couple-oriented activities that remind them of what they might be missing, some ladies find themselves in a big funk this time of the year.
It doesn’t have to be that way!
Here are some suggestions to keep your spirits up this holiday season.
Be Social It’s an easy time to be social – there are lots of parties and fun opportunities abound.
Take advantage of all the parties and go OUT OUT OUT. Even if you have to go to parties alone. Go alone. Just go go go and the more you go out, the more people you will meet and the better you will feel. Also, sign up for online sites and just date up a storm.
Don’t Think You Can Do It All Spreading yourself thin is no fun any time of the year, especially around the holidays.
Don’t think you have to be Martha Stewart, spending all week cooking up a picture perfect feast, and decorating your house out of something you might see in House Beautiful. Focus on one thing. If you are single, you will get more out of getting out there and mingling. You can have your Martha Stewart holiday the following year, when you find a great guy to share it with.
One thing I would suggest doing, however, if you can spare the time, is volunteering - even for one day - at a homeless shelter, food pantry or any other organization that is in great need of volunteers around the holidays. Not only will you be helping someone out, but it will give your mood a boost and take your mind off all your worries. You may realize you are luckier than you imagine you are.
Think Good Thoughts Easier said than done sometimes. But so much in life has to do with your attitude.
Single women I work with often have negative self-defeating patterns in their head, like: “I will never meet a great guy.” If that thought pops in your head, gently turn it around. Tell yourself. “I have a great guy.” Say it with emotion and believe it. It will happen.
I really feel it comes down to a personal choice. You can choose to have a positive attitude or you can choose to stay stuck and unhappy. When you chose the positive path, all things are possible.
Gratitude List I’m a big fan of these, and not only around the holidays. Write down 10 things you are grateful for every day. Shifts happen quickly when you focus on thing in your life you are grateful for. Focus on the good stuff, and you get even more of it. Now, I would love to hear from you. What is the biggest thing you are dreading this holiday season? What are you most looking forward to? xoxo, Karenna
*** If you need more help navigating the holidays, apply for a complimentary call to discuss ways I can help you.
I know a lot of you single ladies have Mr. Forever on your Secret Santa wish list. I hope you get him!
While you are still single and looking, here are 6 more items to add to your list. It’s a list of essential clothing items that will help you look hot and stylish while you are out mingling and going on dates this winter.
As I write in my upcoming book, the single lady should be dressing for men, not being a slave to fashion.
Anything too costume-y or too high fashion is simply weird to them. These items are sexy and stylish staples that you can feel confident while wearing. They will add a bit of flair to your wardrobe, yet you won’t feel clownish or like you are going overboard.
Black puffer coat with fake fur hood This is a go-to for casual afternoon errands when it’s cold outside. Instead of a masculine-looking warm coat, a puffer with a fake fur hood adds a dose of femininity to your look.
A white puffer coat with fake fur hood is stunning too, especially if you are rocking a tan from your Thanksgiving cruise. But if you can only get it in one color, I would suggest buying it in black because black is more versatile.
A little bit of black leather Whether it’s a leather top, skirt, jacket or pants, you will feel like the cool goddess you are when you wear black leather. It adds pizazz to your outfit and looks super cool. Just make sure you aren’t dressed from head-to-toe in black leather. That is going overboard.
Leopard anything Leopard is always in, but it’s especially in these days, and it’s sexy. A leopard coat, a bag, a pair of shoes, a top. These are all great items to own in leopard.
Just be careful as to how you wear this timeless print. Like with leather, don’t wear leopard head-to-toe either.
It’s best to pair it with something neutral, like black or denim. If you start adding bright colors into the mix, you lose the allure of the leopard and start looking too costume-y.
Over the knee boots Over the knee boots are versatile and can be worn with just about anything - jeans, dresses, skirts, shorts - and they are super in now. They are also hot.
Black is always a great basic color to get them in. But other colors are also amazing, like tan or gray.
Peacoat These classic coats never seem to go out of style, and they look good on most everyone. Just find the right fit for your body type. Peacoats are a great date night coat in cold weather months.
Something sequin or metallic Sequins and metallic items add a little sizzle to your outfit.
Again, don’t go over the top. There’s a way to wear sequins, and that is in a low key way. Less is more.
A sequin dress, top or skirt in a low-key color, like black or silver, works well.
Sequins in bright colors like purple or red are harder to pull off. And say you are wearing a sequined skirt, best not to wear it with anything too busy on top. A solid print on top is perfect.
I would love to hear from you now. What is your favorite date night outfit? The one that always makes you feel good? Please post your comments below. xoxo, Karenna
* * * Looking for extra help finding Mr. Forever? Apply here for a complimentary call to discuss possible ways I can help you.
.Banner images + photo credits: Luvv It (leopard coat), ShopStyle (leather pants), Just the Design (boots).
I decided to write this blog post after a friend and I saw this painting “The Lovers,” by René Magritte last weekend at the MoMa in NYC. This uniquely private display of affection got us talking about public displays of affection and how we both lean toward the conservative side when it comes to PDA, first date hugging, etc. As I was staring at the painting thinking: “This will be a good blog topic,” my friend said: “You should write about that for your next blog.” And that is how this blog entry was born.
That is one of those first date questions that seems super clear cut to me, but apparently not everyone agrees.
To me, hugging a guy within seconds of meeting him for the first time is weird and uncomfortable.
Many people are meeting blind dates or online dates for dinner, drinks or coffee, and often times one of them will go to hug or hug and kiss the other as a greeting.
Personally, when this happens to me, I recoil. Other times, I have gone along with it, but kept my distance.
Once, I remember meeting a guy for a drink and I just couldn’t do it. He came toward me to hug me and kiss me on the cheek. He smelled like cigarettes, and he wasn’t appealing to me at all physically, and I pulled away. Our 3-minute meeting - which took place standing in a bar area - was super awkward. I felt horrible about how it all played out.
When I pulled away, theguy looked real upset, like he was going to cry. I tried to apologize, saying something like: “I’m not a big hugger.” As I looked around the room, I noticed people were watching us, laughing, engrossed in the human drama playing out in front of them. I guess it was obvious exactly what was going on. I texted a friend of mine when I got back into my car. “Am I weird for thinking this is weird?” I asked.
“I understand what you are saying,” she texted back. “Though personally it doesn’t bother me. The hugging and kissing the cheek thing is the norm in NYC.” I have talked to other single friends about this and I have found opinions are mixed.
While I felt bad that the guy was so upset, I don’t know if I would have done anything different.I’m not sure this “hugging” issue has a right or wrong answer.
I think it’s more about one’s comfort level. To me, it’s just weird to hug someone you have only known in person for like 2 seconds.
It is just one of many types of boundary scenarios you're going to encounter while dating. While it’s important to be easy to be with, you do need to stick up for yourself and have good boundaries.
Sometimes boundaries can be tricky, and enforcing them isn’t always pretty. Sticking up for yourself isn’t always going to be popular.
Now, I would love to hear from you.
How do you feel about hugging someone you just met on a blind date? Would love to hear everyone’s take on this.
Please post your comments below.
*** Looking for extra help finding Mr. Forever? Apply here for a complimentary call to discuss possible ways I can help you. ***
When I was in my teens and twenties, men seemed so complicated. I had no idea how to act, and it seemed as if I was always getting hurt, or misreading signals.
I made excuses for men who weren’t stepping up to the plate.
After a great deal of heartache, I finally “got” men after being taught by a few great mentors. It was such a life-changing AND life-enhancing experience, I trained to become a dating and relationship coach, and my whole career path changed. Men became crystal clear. They were no longer difficult to understand, nor was I confused any longer.
Once you understand men, life is not only so much easier, but your relationships with men become better and you’re more likely to find your Mr. Forever.
When it’s not meant to be, you can read the signs very easily and gracefully let go of a situation. You no longer spend time with men who aren’t in it for the long haul.
You date men who are truly interested in you.
You aren’t distracted at work, like I would often be, wondering why a guy hadn’t called, or feeling insecure about where I stood.
I notice that clients and other women I talk to often get confused by signs.
Sometimes they even think negatively about something that actually isn’t that bad. Like, if a guy is always 15 minutes late for a date, they think he’s disrespecting them. Or, they think if a guy doesn’t text them non-stop during the week that he’s fooling around on them. In my experience, both of those scenarios - lateness and a lack of texting - aren’t in and of themselves reasons to find find big fault with a guy.
Once you get good at this, you know who to keep in your life and who to say “NEXT” to.
You weed out time-wasters and only allow in your life quality men who are interested in treating you like a princess.
Here are key things to look for:
He mentions the future. Maybe not in an obvious way like: “When we are married…” But he talks about his hopes, dreams and plans.
He’s on his best behavior. He tries to impress you. If you are gluten free, he’s sure to find a gluten-free restaurant. He pays for dinner. Holds the door for you. Drives to your area for the date.
He remembers things you have told him, such as how “The Walking Dead” is your favorite show, and he makes future plans with the show in mind, i.e. looking for “The Walking Dead” zombie parties, buying you paraphernalia from the show, that sort of thing.
He tries to integrate you into his life, and wants you to meethis friends, family and pets.
He buys romantic gifts, flowers, jewelry, cute objects that remind him of you, gifts for your pet, and more. He’s also been known to send you handwritten cards and letters.
Thumbs up if you are dating a guy and all five are present.
If not, and you’re looking for extra help finding Mr. Forever, apply here for a complimentary call to discuss possible ways I can help you.
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