Ladies, keep on going, even in the face of adversity. Client Ashley Philips had just broken up with a guy, and it would have been easy to give up, or take a super long break from dating. But she pressed on, and kept at it. Ashley is OK with me using her name, as she is a dating coach now herself. She joined my “It Girls of the World” group around the time of the breakup and met her husband a few months later on Tinder. “I was getting over a guy and did some serious inner and outer work and got myself out there,” said Phillips. “I was super strict at first...," she said. "I can't thank Karenna enough, she's amazing and inspiring.” We agree! @karennaalexandergets the guys! - The Rules Book testimonial. Their courtship was romantic, like a fairytale, and they got married in December. Morale of this story, ladies, is never give up, even in the face of a bad break-up. Even when you don't feel like getting out there. Take actions even before you feel like it, because you may never feel like it. So get out there, whether it's online or offline (preferably both). Even if you don't feel like attending a singles-oriented event, just go. You will feel better for getting out there, mingling with others who are single. You may learn about a new venue or a new dating app. Or you may make a friend who makes the journey to find Mr. Right more fun. No matter where you are coming from, you can still have that fairy tale. I see it happen each and every day! The world is abundant and your Mr. Right is just around the corner. xoxo, Karenna
As a dating coach, I often dissect celebrity and other high profile relationships, as a way to help women spot healthy courtships and marriages.
This is often helpful because it shows women real life examples of what they are aspiring toward.
Women are looking for role models, and looking to aspire to be something better - to be more confident, a better girlfriend or a more attractive dater, or happy or stylish or all of the above.
Role models help people achieve their goals faster, and it's simply more fun.
The problem that can arise is when you start focusing too much on the role models and obsessing about how badly you want their life, or simply allowing this person to make you feel bad about yourself because you feel like you are coming up so short compared to them.
Remember this, when it comes to the world of the Internet and the outer world, we are often comparing our insides to someone else’s outsides. And that is just not a fair comparison. It’s not fair to compare yourself to someone’s carefully crafted outer image. It’s just not fair and hurtful.
I’m all for role models, because they can help inspire you and make you a better person. They can give you goals to strive for. Good role models can inject you with excitement that makes you more motivated to work toward your goal.
HOWEVER, be careful to not let any of this bring you down. Because you have no idea what is going on underneath. Your role model may appear to have it all, yet it may be all an outer show. She or he may be showcasing for the world.
Two suicides earlier this year in the NYC celebrity world had me thinking about this a great deal.
Kate Spade seemed to have it all on the surface - a successful handbag line in NYC, a marriage to a best friend, a daughter, all the trappings of a wealthy NYC life - yet she was still very unhappy and committed suicide this week.
Celebrity chief Anthony Bourdain died this week as well of suicide. He seems to have the career - filled with food travel and culture - and NYC lifestyle that many would envy. Yet he clearly had his demons.
So moral of the story is that it’s OK to have idols and role models. It’s OK to aspire to something better, grander, and to have and want to achieve certain goals. But try to never let other people’s perceived success make you feel bad. Use it to inspire and motivate you, but don't let it get you down!
You are more successful in many ways than you can imagine. xoxo Karenna
Tempted to give up? Are you sick and tired of the struggle? As a dating and relationship coach, I hear from many women that they put themselves out there for one month and then they shut down again. "All the men online are creeps," or "Going to events is a waste of time," or "I only attract losers," are some of the phrases I hear from women. You won't get anywhere if you stop trying just because you hit a rough patch. Sure we all wish life was easy, and that our goals arrived exactly when WE wanted them to. But this is real life, and things don't always come to us on our time-table. I like to think that there is a divine time-table, and that things come to us when we are ready for them. We have to let go and surrender to what the higher plan is. But meanwhile, we take actions and don't give up. We may change course, and talk to people, trying to figure out how to get to our goal faster, but we don't just shut down and stop fighting for what we want - whether we want a man, a career or anything else we are trying to achieve.
Here's a funny dating story I think my single lady fans would appreciate. I know a lot of you single ladies are frustrated at times while searching for your Mr. Right. Just realize wacky and weird - as well as frustrating and disappointing - situations happen to everyone while dating. Even the bold and the beautiful. Those with stunning looks who have it all. No one is immune to boorish or immature men. Or men who are buyers beware. Or men who prefer a casual girlfriend to something deeper. One gorgeous client told me a story that is so wacky, I thought I should share it, so you realize you aren't alone: OK, so she was dating online and this man who was nearly 20 years older than her, and just average in every way, kept pestering her. Like for weeks. He seemed nice, but nothing sparked an interest, so she told him she wasn't interested. He continued to pester her and tell her funny jokes. Finally, she thought: "OK, what harm will one date do?" He does seem funny and nice. So she agreed, and he was excitedly planning the date. When they got to date planning, he wanted her to drive an hour to his area to meet him at his favorite restaurant. She was like: "Sorry, it would be better if you met me here," referring to her area. This lady is model gorgeous and the thought her of driving in her high heels and tight skirt, an hour to meet this guy on his turf (this guy who was pestering her to date him), was laughable. Plus, she thought, he's older than me and of that generation that should appreciate chivalry, doesn't he get chivalry? When she told him her area was better, he said: "OK, next time you are in my area, call me and we can meet." Of course she ignored his email and she quickly emailed me, and we both were shocked. A lot of men do complain that they can't get a girlfriend, but the reason is sometimes quite clear, when looking at it from afar. If this guy was too lazy to do the drive for a gorgeous hottie, I can't imagine what he is bringing to the table in a real relationship. Anyhow, I'm sure you ladies have similar crazy stories. Feel free to email me, and let me know if I can share them on my Facebook fan page, where I also share "Online Dating Disasters" in a special album. Here is the link to my fan page if you want to check it out: https://www.facebook.com/KarennaAlexanderLLC/
I know there are certain things my over 50 daters struggle with that their younger counterparts don't. *** You may have just gotten out of a marriage or long relationship, and have no idea what online dating is all about, never mind all this terminology, like "swiping," and "ghosting." It's a whole new world that you aren't even sure you want to be part of. ***Other issues I notice the over 50 daters facing include lack of confidence in many areas. Including looks, but also confidence in general. It could be that a bad marriage or bad ex really did a number on you. A lot of people say "never again," because they failed the first time and don't have the tools to succeed again. Or the faith that the next one will be THE ONE. *** Or it could be purely physical - you just don't feel sexy or don't feel like men want you any longer. I have to say I have 60 plus daters getting into romantic and sexy relationships. You can be in your sixties or even older and still be a heartbreaker. And it's not all about being model gorgeous! Some if it is learning how to dress for men, and other inner and outer tools.
These concerns or problems you are having can be easily remedied. There is a guy out there who will be attracted to you, whatever age you are at. You do need to do certain things on the inside and outside, but all are tweaks that are do-able. I often find that confidence runs the show when dating, no matter what the age. So working on getting confident is key. You do that by looking good on the outside, and learning to dress for men is important. As a matchmaker who has worked with men for several years, I know what they are thinking, and what they like. And it's not always what you think. Too many women don't get this, yet when you learn to dress for men - no matter what your age - you will attract a great guy. It's how men are wired, and one key thing that just works. Some of you may have just gotten out of a long relationship or a marriage and have no idea how to date, so you may need someone to hold your hand as you get back into the dating game. If you are looking for more help, fill out this short form to apply to work with me. My private coaching packages range from small 7 day packages to longer monthly ones, and I also have a small group coaching program. My clients are weeding out time wasters, getting engaged and married. Don't you want to be next? xoxo Fill out this form to get started: https://karenna1.typeform.com/to/YaF1PF?fbclid=IwAR3AQ9xKPpni55pL60qRz0ZqvE70-r49_tGf5ypjG2KqsjJGdGpCQd0LQ-E
NARCISSISTS and BUYERS BEWARE got you down? Don't DESPAIR! I feel horrible when women have given up on love and tell me they are "happily single," when I think deep down they are simply afraid to get back on the horse because they have been damaged by a NARCISSIST or by a MAJOR BUYER BEWARE. THERE ARE STRATEGIES TO HELP!! I have researched this topic a great deal and have dating strategies to help you spot these men and stop them in their tracks. Often times, narcissists are very charming and it can be difficult to tell if they truly like you in a healthy way, or if they are simply trying to love bomb you into submission. Don't feel bad if you have been fooled before. Often times, narcs are very manipulative and outwardly charming and appealing. Sometimes there is a fine line between healthy love at first sight or a manipulative narc. Once you are in a relationship with one, it is harder to extract oneself, so it's better to learn strategies to avoid them before getting into such a situation. One strategy that is helpful to prevent you from falling for one, or getting sucked into one of these unhealthy relationships with a buyer beware, is to go very slow. Pace the relationship in the beginning. Usually, when you take a relationship slow, a narcissist or any buyer beware personality type reveals their true colors and this is when you can get out quickly, without getting too hurt. If you need more help dating and weeding out narcs and other buyers beware, I would love to help you. It's an issue that has come up throughout the many years of my dating coaching practice with many clients, and I have helped them weed out these men, and get them engaged and married and into happy relationships. I can help you in a group coaching setting or through private coaching. Email me at email@example.com if you would like to know more about how you can avoid these men and find a great guy. A beautiful fulfilling relationship is within your reach, no matter what your background. Don't look back, look forward to all the exciting possibilities. Good luck! xoxo, Karenna
Chivalry isn't dead. Thanks goodness. It's a beautiful thing, and helps keep the spark alive in a relationship - whether you are simply dating or in a marriage.
I am a coach for women so I write from that perspective on my social media pages. My coaching is geared to helping women with bettering their dating lives, making their relationships happier. I think men are great. I have brothers, who I love, and good male friends, many of whom I talk to about their struggles with dating. While talking to a good friend of mine - one I have known for decades - I realized how confused he and other men are in this day and age of dating. My friend says he was brought up to be chivalrous but he's not sure women want him to be that way. He lives and works in the tri-state area, and said he was recently holding a door open for a woman and she told him: "I know how to open a door." She walked away from him to another set of doors and opened them herself. I imagine that this woman acts similar in relationships. My friend said this incident isn't an isolated case, it's happened before to him and his friends. I think a lot of men out there are confused about what women want. I know many of the ladies reading this believe in courtship, and want a respectful man who believes in courtship. They want to be with a man who picks them up, drives to their area for dates, brings flowers or other romantic gifts, pays for dates, and moves the relationship forward. But not all women want that. Some women want to be the same as the man in the relationship, which is where relationships get massively screwed up. (Women should be equal to men, but we are NOT the same as men). They think it's OK while dating to meet him halfway or on his turf. To split the bill or pay for him. To make the dinner plans and plan all the vacations. (When married things change and of course a woman can make dinner plans then and have dinner at his house etc etc. What I’m talking about now is dating and courtship.) They think they should buy him gifts, do work around his house to make his life easier, help him with problems in his home life and at work, and move the relationship forward. (Again, these women are just dating the guy, they aren't even engaged or married and they are acting like a wife). Many women do this in the beginning of the relationship, and they end up in relationships that are practical, boring and often end up disastrous. With absolutely no spark. If it does turn into a long term thing, such as marriage, it's like they are friends living together. Women in these scenarios have complained to me: "Well, he never buys me romantic gifts," or "He never makes any important decisions about the relationship," or "He never moves anything forward, it's always me moving things forward." You can't have it both ways unfortunately. You can't be the aggressor early on, and then expect a guy to all of a sudden take the lead. Thankfully most of the women on this page understand this. Sometimes the women I work with find that men naturally know how to court. But other times, they may not. So don't automatically “next” a guy who asks to meet halfway, or who tries to cook you dinner at his house on a third date. Some men are spoiled by women who drive to him, hang out at his house on a first or second date, sleep with him right away and more. Also, a guy may not be as chivalrous as we would like: They may not open doors, or make sure your water glass is full at dinner, or walk around to your side of the car to help you out. The best you can do is train them on the more serious things, and let the other things go. If it's a safety thing, it's something you shouldn't let go. If a guy is dropping you off at your house and leaving before you get inside, you need to mention it, as it's truly life and death. If he has no idea it's a nice thing to fill your water glass at dinner or pull out your chair so you can sit before him, let that go. When it comes to other key aspects of dating, like meeting a man halfway, or driving to his house for dinner on a third date, you obviously need to stand your ground. Some men need to be trained in these areas as well because they have been so spoiled by other women. Men who really like you, will figure out what they need to do to see you. The ones who aren't that crazy about you, will fall off, but that's a good thing because it's leaving you space for your Mr. Right to fill! So moral of this story is that not all men are jerks! Some are confused about courtship, so keep that in mind. The little things don't matter much, but yes, you may have to train him on the bigger things. A guy who likes you will easily be trained. And the less ardent ones fall off.