Just a Girl in this World | A lifestyle website for millennial women
Just a Girl in This World, created by Chloe in 2016, is a lifestyle website for strong and driven millennial women who want to change the world for the better. Our mission is to empower and inspire millennial women through writing, social media, and digital content.
Millennials, there’s a lot of opinions about us and even more research (we’re the most researched generation- ever). With the majority of Millennials now in the workforce and adulting, all eyes are on Gen Z to see how they’re going to change the world. Here’s, “Meet Gen Z: 11 Facts Millennials Should Know.”
Thanks to the Great Recession and 9/11, Gen Z developed their social life skills in a time of uncertainty and instability. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why franchises like “The Hunger Games” and “Divergent” struck such a chord with them and shaped their views on government and society.
We taught them traditional life choices don’t equal success
They watched Millennials struggle as we entered adulthood in a post Great Recession economy and have resolved to do things differently. In fact, 13% of Gen Z-ers already have their own business and 60% of them already have savings accounts and 71% say they are focused on saving for the future after hearing horror stories of having to move home from Millennials.
They’re fiercely independent but inclusive
Millennials were the masterminds behind collaborative networks like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We love to share and truly believe if we work together, everyone can win. Gen Z on the other hand is independent, competitive, and cut throat. How can they not be after growing up in a time of mass financial uncertainty? As a caveat though, they are incredibly inclusive. After all, Gen Z is the most ethnically diverse generation in US history (they comprise of 47% ethnic minorities), they group up with the first black man as president and a culture that’s more open to gay people than ever before.
Their attention spans are short as hell
Blame it on the digital age, but the average Gen Z’s is only 8 seconds compared to the average Millennials 12 seconds.
They’re not really down with gender norms
Only 48% of Gen Z’s identify as exclusively heterosexual, compared to 65% of Millennials. On top of that, 56% said that they knew someone who went by gender neutral pronouns such as “they,” “them,” or “ze.” Over a 1/3 of Gen Z respondents also strongly agreed that gender did not define a person as much as it used to.
They prefer face to face contact over text or email
Millennials may have pioneered digital communication, but 74% of Generation Z prefer to communicate face-to-face with colleagues.
They literally don’t know what life before Google, smart phones, and wifi everywhere was like
Gen Zs want government to take care of things—mostly national security and the economy—but otherwise, to leave individuals alone
Nearly 75% of this generation is very concerned about limitations on personal freedom. They don’t favor government limitations on gun ownership, access to abortion, marriage equality, transgender rights, euthanasia or marriage. Overall, they support non-violent free speech, even when what is being said is offensive.
Ted Talk Tuesday is a motivational series for women that hi-lights Ted Talk speeches that inspire, drive, and foster female growth. Check-in weekly to see our feature talk, and forward us any suggestions for future talk via our “Contact” page in the menu.
About the Ted Talk:
Enough with online hate speech, sexual harassment and threats of violence against women and marginalized groups. It’s time to take the global crisis of online abuse seriously. In this searching, powerful talk, Ashley Judd recounts her ongoing experience of being terrorized on social media for her unwavering activism and calls on citizens of the internet, the tech community, law enforcement and legislators to recognize the offline harm of online harassment.
How online abuse of women has spiraled out of control | Ashley Judd - YouTube
This talk was presented at an official TED conference, and was featured by their editors on their home page.
About the Speaker:
“Historical Girl Bosses” is a segment aimed to bring light to the accomplishments of formidable women from history that still inspire us today. If you’d like us to hi-light a girl boss from history, let us know.
Enheduanna was Akkadian/Sumerian poet and feminist icon who lived from 2285-2250 BCE. This badass woman’s claim to fame is the being world’s first author known by name and high priestess of the Temple of Sumer.
Life for women in ancient Mesopotamia was pretty much how you would expect it to be- incredibly restictive. The primary role of women in society was that of wife, mother, and caregiver. The best way for a woman to gain an education or notoriety was for her family to sell her to a temple where she could honor her family by becoming a priestess. One of a priestess’ duties might include prostitution, which was considered a sacred ritual. This is partly what makes Enheduanna’s rise to notoriety so miraculous.
While Enheduanna may or may not have been the daughter of Sargon of Akkad (Sargon the Great, 2334-2279 BCE), what we do know that Sargon had an unprecedented amount of trust in her to promote her to the high priestess of the most important temple in Sumer. One of her main duties was to mesh together the Sumerian and Akkadian Gods in order to unite a diverse and growing nation- which she did, and then some. This also positioned her to be able to control the masses and quell rebellions through religion and more notably her pen. Through her poetry, psalms, and hymns Enheduanna single handedly built and altered the views of religion and Gods for centuries to come. (Ever heard of Aphrodite? She exists because of Enheduanna.)
Her compositions, though only rediscovered in modern times, remained models of petitionary prayer for even longer. Through the Babylonians, they influenced and inspired the prayers and psalms of the Hebrew Bible and the Homeric hymns of Greece. Through them, faint echoes of Enheduanna, the first named literary author in history, can even be heard in the hymnody of the early Christian church.
It is incredibly inspiring that the first author that we know of in all of human history was a woman living within a shove-it-down-your-throat, highly repressive patriarchal society. The fact that this ancient girl boss was able to become the world’s first author known by name and to shape religion for the next 2,000 years in a society that did everything to work against her should inspire all of us to chase our dreams and demand what we deserve.
Between school and extracurriculars, making friends as a kid was easy. In college, you almost had to be trying to not make friends. When you’re an adult though, things change. People start working 40+ hours a week. People move. People start to get married. People have kids. People grow up and move on. Soon the people you talked to everyday get downgraded to texts on birthdays, and your friend list starts to dwindle. Making new friends as an adult is completely different than making friends at any other point in your life. In fact, science tells us it’s basically all downhill once you reach your late twenties. Here’s “How To Make Friends As An Adult: 5 Ways Backed by Science.”
Rekindle Relationships with Old Friends
You already have a history with this person, so rekindling an old friendship is a lot less scary than starting a whole new one. The only difference is this time around, keep in touch. If you want to stay close friends with someone, research says you should check-in at least every two weeks.
If you’re going to be forced to leave your apartment, it might as well be strangers who have similar interests as you. Research tells us the key to being liked and being more influential is similarity. So, exposing yourself to people with similar backgrounds, hobbies, and interests already positions you to make quality friends. If you’re from Texas and you’ve got an interest in bedazzling and Dolly Parton, Meetup probabaly has a group for you.
This goes back to the idea that similarity automatically links you to others and makes making new friends easy. Volunteering not only makes you feel good, but exposes you to a ton of new people who are passionate about the things your passionate about. If you’re passionate about children’s advocacy, then groups like Guardian House are a great place to volunteer to meet like-minded individuals.
Superconnectors are those super social friends you have who seem to know everyone. Making new friends is as easy as asking these social superstars if there’s anyone you should meet. Next time you get together, see if that new person can come along. Not. Hard. At. All.
Start a Group
Finding it hard to find a group of people who share your interests or who you vibe with? Then start your own. A weekly coffee date. A monthly movie night. Even a networking group. Invite friends to bring friends and suddenly it’s not hard to meet new friends. Need proof this works? Denmark is home to some of the happiest people in the world. Why? 92% of Danes are members of some kind of social group.
You know her: the woman who is overworked and overstressed. She is running to work and then home to let the dog out before spin class. She’s driving too fast to spin class because she needs to get there on time, even though she’s supposed to be going, in part, to destress. Now, she’s running back home to eat and do laundry and check work emails again before bed, forgetting to put the laundry in the dryer. Or maybe she is your friend with kids, making Pinterest-worthy Bento box lunches for the kids every morning, constantly chauffeuring them from one activity to another, volunteering at their school, too busy on the weekends to get together because of soccer games? Maybe one of these women I am describing is you.
We live in a world of non-stop action, of constant phone-checking, of comparison, and of perfectionism. The problem is, we’re unhealthier and unhappier than we’ve ever been. We know we should be exercising, eating healthy, and practicing “self-care.” But, for some reason, no matter what we try, we just can’t seem to relax or turn off the constant chatter in our heads.
We try a bit of “self-care” (the new phrase that popped up in recent years to show how far we’ve wandered from taking care of ourselves) by getting a pedicure, or a massage, or maybe even an entire spa day. But, the stress quickly comes back, and we’re caught in the same loop again of stress and dissatisfaction.
Many women realize that the life they are living and the pace they are living it isn’t sustainable. Some may be experiencing health problems from stress and are reevaluating their priorities, knowing their bodies literally cannot continue to live the life they are living.
There is a simple and accessible fix to this overworked and overstressed life style. The fix is energy healing. Energy healing has existed for thousands of years, in different forms, in different cultures. Every woman has an energetic body, in addition to her physical body. The energetic body has layers that extend outside of the physical body, forming an interconnected system.
You’ve probably heard of women “storing” trauma in their physical bodies (such as, getting ulcers from stress). The same happens with the energetic body as well. We store stress, emotions, and traumas in our energetic bodies. Energy healing can harmonize and clear the energetic field, restoring it to balance.
Energy healing is highly effective, and the relaxation and healing that a woman feels during her session, and in the days following, can permanently alter how she “shows up in the world.” Energy healing can break through long-held behavior and emotional patterns, creating a big shift in her life and be a new set-point for lasting change.
Carrie is a perfect example of someone who benefitted from energy healing. She is a divorced mom of two elementary schoolers. She started and quit a new job within a very short time period because it was not a good match for her personality and strengths. She is also renovating a townhome to “fix and flip,” with multiple problems occurring during the construction process. She went to an energy healing session to relax because she had weeks of stress in her life and needed to add calmness and centering in her life.
*To find an energy healer in your area, ask friends for a referral, or look at reviews via Google or Yelp. One common type of energy healer is a Reiki practitioner, commonly found in large metropolitan areas.
About the Contributor
Heather Rider is a former overworked, overstressed perfectionist. She loves helping women heal and create amazing new lives for themselves by using energy healing as a catalyst for change. She lives in Austin, TX with her tween and teen daughters and their two cats, Tokyo and Poppy.
You can find out more about her and her energy healing business here.
When I started dating eight years ago, I had no idea what I wanted out of a partner, much less what I needed out of one to be happy.
I swore up and down with dreamy eyes that my goofy, lovable, and exceedingly endearing high school boyfriend was “the ONE” despite the fact that we had totally different mindsets and goals for what we wanted out of life. Like most high school relationships do- we ended. I just couldn’t stay with him knowing what I wanted out of life he could never provide- even if it meant throwing away a relationship that filled all of my emotional needs and then some.
My college boyfriend was seemingly anything and everything my high school boyfriend wasn’t. He was incredibly charming, charismatic, ambitious, and we were on the same page about the things we wanted to achieve in life. The beginning of our relationship was euphoric- until it wasn’t. In private, he wasn’t the charming and sweet guy he had led me to believe he was. He was selfish, childish, and emotionally and mentally abusive, but I held on because I was so in love with the idea of him and the face he presented to the public. While he was what I thought I wanted, the relationship left me constantly feeling empty and drained.
What I thought I wanted at 16 and 20 was never what I really needed. Having kissed my fair share of frogs in between and after these experiences, I know that I need a partner that’s as motivated as they are smart, a partner who’s kind and warm, a partner who gives me the space to roam and explore but can still give me the love and affection I need, and above anything else my best friend. For the first time in my 24 years of life, I feel like all of these things match what I want.
I’ve realized that you’ll never truly be ready until what you want and what you truly need collide. What does that mean? It means that you’ve taken the time to get to know yourself enough that you’re able to listen to your head and heart at the same time. You no longer chase after what is not a good fit or unhealthy for you. You no longer accept less than what you deserve because you realize what exactly that is. In relationships, it’s the ultimate form of maturity, but reaching that point is a lot easier said than done.
It’s easier to figure out if you’re not there than if you are. If your relationships have a common theme where you’re unfulfilled emotionally, physically, mentally, or feeling like you and your partner ultimately don’t have the same life goals, smothered or unwilling to really commit, or even just generally unhappy – your needs and wants probably aren’t aligned. I can’t tell you the magical recipe of how I got to this point other than it took a lot of time alone, introspection, and growing up, but I can tell you that what you want collides with what you need- it feels pretty damn good.
“Women Who Work” is a series that celebrates the millennial woman who is breaking barriers for women, excelling in business, contributing to her community and industry in a big way, and setting the example for other women to go out in the world and kick-ass. If you or someone you know fits this description, feel free to reach out for a feature!
While you may know her for her funny tweets and online presence, Madalyn Mendoza is killing it in the journalism world as a reporter for MySA. Read below to find out more about Maddy Skye, and our latest “Woman Who Works.”
Madalyn Skye Mendoza
University of the Incarnate Word
Awards & Recognition:
Dean’s List all four years, graduated Magna Cum Laude
Traveling, antique shopping, going to museums, trying out new restaurants and bars, going dancing (not well)
Describe your life in a tweet (140 characters):
Weekday go-getter, weekend taco-getter, sometimes a jet-setter
What’s your perfect taco?
This is a tough one. If we’re breaking it down into categories:
Breakfast taco: I’ll go with my true blue, one that I’ve been eating since I was little, which is a bean and cheese with rice.
Street/mini tacos: I need carne asada from my favorite spot, La Imagen.
What woman do you look up to most in media and why?
Oprah has been — and forever will be — my icon. A highlight of my day growing up was watching her show with my mom or grandma. She personifies who I want to be when I speak to people. Her questions are thought-provoking and her approach is sincere. Her life aside from journalism is also inspiring.
Landing an entry-level gig in a newsroom is no easy task. What made you want to go into journalism, and how’d you get your start in reporting?
When I was little, my mom would always ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Mind you, I was probably only 3, but that’s the kind of mom I have. She’s headstrong, so she raised us to have our goals set early. I’d list off an array of occupations: doctor, writer, painter, Barbie. These conversations usually happened over dinner, which is a very important time in our family. TVs are off, phone calls aren’t answered. We talk. I credit those childhood dinners for my communication skills. Meeting people, hearing their stories and sharing them (if they want me to) makes my heart pitter patter. I’m also terrifyingly great at sleuthing the internet and being a spy – Harriet the Spy was my favorite movie as a kid, so that may have inspired that. So, a future in journalism was clear early on. I got the ball moving in high school, when I was an anchor for Providence’s Provet TV, the student broadcasting network. As an adult, my “why” was cemented. I knew I had a love for people and a passion keeping my community informed. With those two paired together, I continued sharpening my journalism knowledge at UIW, where I was anchor for UIWTV. I then interned for college life-centered magazines, Spurs blogs and at KSAT 12. After college, I started my “big girl job” on the digital team at KENS 5.
Have you ever had a huge journalism fail? What’d you learn from the situation?
I typically consider well-versed in Spurs-related material. I can usually drop names, stats and championship facts on command. I was humbled at one point when writing about former Spur, David West. I was quickly called out for referring to him as “George West.” I don’t know what led to me calling him that, but I still pause and think about his name before speaking or writing about him. I learned to always, always, always fact-check, even if you feel confident about a subject.
What moment are you proudest of in your career? What would you consider a “lifetime achievement?”
I’ve always been proud of my career in itself, but I think the first story I wrote that created a lasting impact was my coverage of the David Molak story. David was an Alamo Heights High School student, who his family said committed suicide because of bullying. Prior to breaking the story, I didn’t have much experience in writing about subjects of this nature. I was worried I didn’t have what it took and I wanted to cover this with extreme care. My work on this story pushed me past my comfort zone and taught me a new level of reporting, considering I was working with minors and their families during a very tense and confusing time. My story and follow up pieces, as well as national coverage, put more eyes on the issue until it was eventually spearheaded by State Sen. Jose Menéndez. Menendez authored a bill, known as “David’s Law,” which was signed last summer. The law provides temporary injunctions on social media accounts that are bullying or harassing students and requires schools to notify parents on both sides of what’s going on.
I’ve only been in the business for a handful of years, but I think sharing the story and spreading awareness is something I’m proud of.
I usually gauge my success on what my 10-year-old self would think of me. She’d be so proud. At this point in my life, I’d say that’s my “lifetime achievement.” But, there’s more to come, of course.
What advice would you offer to any woman interested in pursuing a career in journalism?
To be stubborn about your goals, flexible about your methods, especially since it’s a tough field. I had no intention of being a writer, my experience was minimal. My only focus was on broadcast journalism, I wanted to be on TV and there was no telling me any different. To my initial dismay, I didn’t land a job in front of a camera. I did, however, make enough connections that helped me earn a position with mySA. As with most life changes, I was completely unsure about my decision and frankly, I didn’t think I was the right fit. Three years later, I’m in love with my job and my career interests are completely different. Moral of the story: don’t X-out other avenues and network as much as possible, even if that means interning for free. The connections you make have the potential of being more valuable than a paycheck.
You’ve got a huge twitter following through both your reporting and your witty/real presence on the site. With 63% of millennials getting their news from social media sites, where do you see the direction of news reporting heading? Do you ever see a point where on-air reporting will be obsolete?
As a millennial myself, I rarely get my news from TV unless it’s something like a State of the Union, an emergency weather event or I’m stuck in a waiting room. I am constantly cued into the news cycle and it’s always through social media. I always promote my stories through Twitter, Facebook and sometimes Instagram. I think that’s where news is heading. I don’t think on-air reporting will be obsolete, but I think the way TV news is disseminated will have to roll with the changes.
I feel like I’m seeing more TV news outlets reaching really far to connect with their audience on social media and it falls flat because it’s not genuine. I’m not saying I’m a social media guru, but I always think about myself as a consumer before I post anything. If I’m getting my news from social media, it’s probably because I’m too busy to watch TV. Being punchy and concise is key. It’s a balancing act of sharing, connecting and being true to your voice, but it’s not rocket science.
Recently, E! News anchor and veteran, Catt Sadler left the network after she found she was grossly underpaid compared to her similarly situated male-counterpart. What would you like to see done to ensure the wage gap is bridged for women in news and media?
Speaking about salaries can be considered faux pas, I think that leads to a problem. Most women don’t know where they stand because there’s a big secret about how much who makes. I think a little transparency would go a long way.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
In 5 years, I’ll be 30, which is scary to think about. I’ve always wanted to venture outside of San Antonio and force myself out of my comfort zone. I’ve been rethinking that recently. I know this city like the back of my hand and I feel that I have a responsibility. My readers depend on me for a certain niche of news and I take pride in that. So, the plan for 5 years down the road is up in the air. However, I hope that I’m a mom and wife in 10 years. As important as my career is to me, I do eventually want my own family. I’ve also been thinking about law school, owning my own media company, possibly opening a restaurant or going to graduate school to earn a masters degree in history. I’m probably sounding like my 3-year-old self who wanted to be Barbie, an astronaut and still make it home in time for dinner, but I know that I have the willpower to balance it all.
A few years ago, I was having a conversation with a male co-worker about relationships and my state of singleness. Okay, if I’m honest, it was one of many conversations I had made this kind man patiently endure on this topic. After listening to me drone on about my horrible affliction for the gazillionth time, he asked with a voice of exasperation, “Amanda, why do you let being single define you so much?”
I remember it like it was yesterday because it struck me deeply and I felt embarrassed.
He was right.
Something clicked and I realized that he didn’t see me as his “single friend Amanda.” He saw me as a smart, funny, interesting woman and he was baffled – and almost angry – that I could not see myself the same way simply because I was single.
But sometimes it’s hard not to fret about our relationship status, isn’t it?
And, on Valentine’s Day, when we are literally getting slapped in the face with heart-shaped balloons, it’s particularly hard to ignore the questions—“Why haven’t I met The One?” “Am I doing something wrong?” “Am I swiping left too much on Bumble?”
So, as I prepared to write this article, I went to the ultimate source for answers— Google.
Whoa! There is a lot of information out there about what you’re doing wrong and what you need to change about yourself to score a relationship: “be more aggressive,” “don’t make the first move,” “wear more skirts,” “don’t be so picky”… does any of this sound familiar?
After reading all the dizzying advice, I started thinking about the tape that runs in the heads of single women. It’s no wonder that women feel a sense of shame and responsibility for their singleness. It’s tough out there, and it’s hard not to look for an explanation as to why you haven’t found the right person.
But, unfortunately, all too often that internal tape turns into negative thoughts and self-blame about not being enough or doing enough to be in a relationship.
I’m not going to attempt to tell you why you are single or offer up a to-do list for how to get a relationship. But, I will ask you this one question: would you do anything differently?
When you look at how you live your life, does it bring you peace and comfort – and maybe even a sense of pride? If it does, then what is it about you that needs to change?
If you are open and vulnerable to the idea of love and relationships, don’t change a thing.
If you are “putting yourself out there” in a way that honors your authenticity and values, don’t change a thing.
If you are waiting for the right fit – even if it means being alone for now, don’t change a thing.
If you can accept imperfection in others and yourself, don’t change a thing.
If you are pursuing activities that fulfill you, don’t change a thing.
If you have relationships that help you to be your best self, don’t change a thing.
If you are a source of love and encouragement to others, don’t change a thing.
If you take care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally, don’t change a thing.
Listen, I’m not trying to sugar coat the pain that comes with wanting to share your life with someone and that reality feeling out of reach. It’s okay to be sad about it sometimes, abuse chocolate in times of need, or to cry out “what is taking so long?” But, at the end of this well-deserved venting session, I hope you’ll ask yourself “would I do anything differently?”
If you can say no to that question, I hope you’ll take a moment to marvel at your life; a life that you have worked hard to create; a life that is being lived with intention, strength and character.
And, if you would like to do some things differently, I encourage you to think about what you’re waiting for… Are you afraid that if you get too busy loving your life you’ll miss out on meeting someone? Are you letting your fears and insecurities rule your decision making? If so, maybe it’s time to quit letting your singleness define you.
No one can guarantee you a relationship. However, being able to say “I wouldn’t do anything differently” can help ease the sting of the disappointments and will put you in an emotional space that allows you to be open and ready for the many gifts this life has in store for you.
Yes you may be single. But, girl, you are so much more. Now go out and live like it.
About the Contributor
Amanda is a trained Life Coach and holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling. As a recovering risk-avoiding scaredy-cat, she is passionate about empowering women to live and love boldly. Amanda shares her inspiration through personal coaching, corporate training, workshops and international retreats. She particularly loves working with women in the areas of dating/relationships, career growth, and overall self-confidence. www.lifecoachamanda.com. You can find her on Facebook or on Instagram @girlgetyourrootsdone
Warsan Shire poems can only be appreciated by the woman who knows her worth, but struggles to demand it, the woman who wants love but loves herself more, and by the woman who refuses to be tamed to fit a particular stereotype. The London native has published three collections, and has worked with Beyonce on Lemonade. According to Alexis Okeowo in the New Yorker, Shire’s work “embodies the kind of shape-shifting, culture-juggling spirit lurking in most people who can’t trace their ancestors to their country’s founding fathers, or whose ancestors look nothing like those fathers. In that limbo, Shire conjures up a new language for belonging and displacement.” Here’s “15 Warsan Shire Poems for the Feminist Heart.”
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful, I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.”
“Give your daughters difficult names. Give your daughters names that command the full use of the tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.”
“I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”
“Things my mother didn’t tell me, but should have:
Never give any kind of pleasure to a boy you wouldn’t give
Kiss like a promise and wait for the other person to break it.
Human beings are not ships; you cannot save them from sinking
if they don’t want to be rescued from the floodwaters.
Loving someone that doesn’t give a damn about you
isn’t sexy; it’s misplaced energy, also known as
Don’t ever treat anyone like a refugee from a civil war;
they will come back from battle and leave you as wounded
as if you were the one who had been paid
for military service. Forgiveness isn’t putting the weapon down;
it’s learning how to kiss the person pulling the trigger,
not just a quick peek on the cheek, but a full one with tongue.
Let the dead be dead.
They have no answering machines, no phonelines:
if you call them, only the ground will ring.
Never trust a boy who already has a pack of condoms ready
in his coat pocket before he even asks your name.
When the world tries to break your back with it’s weight,
get a stronger spine.
Your father left us because he was ashamed
for not being the one that gave birth to you.
Even oceans misplace their anchors sometimes.
Never “give a man permission.”
You shouldn’t have to. It should be mutual.
Stop treating your body like currency,
don’t pay anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”
“Sometimes your light attracts moths and your warmth attracts parasites, protect your space and energy.”
“My alone feels so good. I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”
“Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself- what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate and repeat.”
“For Women Who Are “Difficult” to Love’
You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.”
“Make peace with your body, it’s not man made, there are no flaws, there are no mistakes.”
“I fell apart many times. so, what does that say about me besides I live through wars.”
Being 23 is weird. You’re an adult, but not quite. You think you should have things figured out, but you really have no idea what you’re doing. After a really rough 22nd year, my 23rd year was filled with a lot of growth, a lot of learning to let go of bad relationships and recognizing toxic people, and learning that to love, you have to allow yourself to accept it. Here’s “23 Things I Learned in My 23rd Year.”
Let it hurt as badly as possible, then let it heal.
Always believe people’s actions before you believe their words.
It’s okay to leave behind people who are stopping your growth.
At the end of the day, you’re the only person who can 100% care about YOU.
Overthinking only creates problems that aren’t there.
Give your love freely and your trust sparingly.
Surround yourself with people who bring out your magic, not your crazy.
You are 100% in charge of how you feel and think at all times.
People are not black and white. Good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things.
You can’t live your life waiting for the apology, validation, or vindication you never received.
Taking the time to take care of yourself does not make you selfish. It affords you the emotional energy to take care of the people and things you love.
You are worthy of love and happiness. Your past and the things that have shaped you don’t change that.
Don’t be afraid to completely change your whole life.
Pursue the things that terrify you.
Life is too short to be doing shit you hate.
It’s also too short to waste your time on people who don’t lift you up or give as much as you do to them.
Some people are only in your life for a particular season. That’s okay.
Always follow your gut. if something doesn’t feel right it probably isnt.
It’s okay to admit you need help and to accept it.
Very few things are worth destroying your peace over.
Surround yourself with people who care about you and respect you enough to call you out on your bullshit.
The best things come when you are least expecting them.
You’re only 23, it’s okay to not have everything figured out.