UK's top Dating Coach and Dating Expert. James is a relationship expert and relationship Coach for many top dating agencies and online dating companies. He'll help you master the secrets of dating, confidence, flirting, body language and attraction. So if you've got a date lined up, he's the guy to go to for tips.
Depending who you talk to, Instagram dating is the wave of the future. To many, it provides easy topics of conversation because you can message someone after they’ve made a post. This is less creepy than messaging someone at random without any reason. Instagram also provides you the ability to get to know someone before you even message them. You can see the types of things they are interested in and what kind of person they are. The hashtags they use on their posts can really shed light on their personality. Unlike a dating profile, which is on display solely to attract someone, Instagram is more realistic. You see the different aspects of someone, especially if you’re watching their stories.
However, not everyone is convinced that Instagram dating is a good idea. Several people think it’s creepy. So, before you start sending out messages, make sure you familiarize yourself with these tips for how to get a date on Instagram:
The first thing you want to do is start building familiarity with the person you’re interested in. You can do this by following them, liking their posts, and leaving engaging comments. This way, when you so send them a message, it won’t seem “out of the blue”. This tactic will work the best if the person interacts back with you. Watch and see if they like any of your posts in return. If they aren’t following you and don’t engage with your posts, sending a message is likely a waste of time.
Use The Platform
What is the biggest difference between a dating website and Instagram? Instagram posts aren’t meant to attract a date. People post on Instagram with things they enjoy, quotes that inspire them and pictures of the things they are doing. Of course, there’s a fair amount of selfies too. You can use this platform to your advantage by getting to know the person you’re interested in. Browse their posts, see what they like and what their hobbies are. This is a crucial tool for sending that first message.
No one likes pick-up lines. Seriously. Instead of crafting a smooth pick-up line, choose personal details. Those hobbies you noted are now going to come in handy. You can invite your Instagram crush out to do something you already know they enjoy. This will make them more likely to say yes to a date. Remember: You can always use compliments, but flattery won’t get you everywhere. Especially if you’re only commenting on physical appearance. If you want to learn how to get a date on Instagram then keep things nice and light.
No matter how awesome your message is, you’re going to be completely overlooked if your profile is lackluster. If you don’t have interesting pictures or your profile picture isn’t of your face, it’s unlikely that someone will respond to you. You have to make sure that you look appealing to the person you’re trying to attract. This isn’t hard, either. You don’t have to be a professional photographer to land amazing photographs of yourself and you don’t want too many selfies on your page, either. A few well-lit pictures scattered around is all you need. Next, be interesting. Take interesting pictures and post in moderation. No one likes an Instagram account that posts 5+ times a day and that includes Instagram stories!
The Green Light
All of the methods above are useful when you’re not sure. But there is also an automatic “green light” on Instagram and it’s called Stories. If someone you’re following posts a proactive picture to their story, it’s a green light. You can send them a message and they are going to be receptive. These photos are called “thirst traps”, which means they are posted with the intention of attracting you. Often times, these photos are only visible to a select list of people.
Hopefully you now know how to date on instagram successfully. If not, do book a dating coaching session with me!
The first date is often your first introduction to someone from the online dating world. Although you may have spent weeks getting to know someone online, they may be a completely different person offline. That is one of many thoughts that might weigh on your mind as you’re getting ready for the first date. The most prominent thought being “what if everything goes wrong?”. We all have those insecurities, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Luckily, the tips for a first date below will help to guide you in the direction of a successful date.
Tips for a First Date: Location
Choosing the right location is one of the best tips for a first date as sets the tone for the entire interaction. You want to choose a neutral environment that you’ll both be comfortable in. This should be somewhere public because that is low-pressure. Your location should be quiet enough that you can talk to each other, yet have enough background noise that it’s not so intense. While dinner & a movie used to be the standard first date, it’s been suggested that dinner is too intimate. Besides, how can you talk and get to know each other when there’s food in your mouth? A coffee shop is always the best place to meet someone for the first time.
If you want someone to be interested in you, you have to be interesting. You want the conversation to flow naturally, without any lulls or awkward silences. Of course, many people find it difficult to think on the spot. If you’re one of those people, or shy, then make yourself conversation cards. You can use these as a point of reference. Although it may feel silly, it can be helpful in the long run. Dan McAdams (psychology professor) has a list of 36 questions that are designed to help you learn about your date. Alternatively, you can do a quick search of the best first-date questions. Basically, you want to ask about their lifestyle, interests & hobbies, and their favourite things. You don’t want the first date conversation to be too heavy. If it takes that direction naturally, go with the flow.
There is such a power in body language and it can’t be emphasised enough. The ability to read someone’s emotions through subtle movement is crucial to a successful date. You will know when to push forward and when to pull back. You’ll know when to change the subject of conversation and when to pay attention. Body language can also indicate the level of attraction someone feels towards you. If you notice they are mimicking your movements, it means they are interested. If they are sitting with crossed arms or legs, they may be closing you out.
Tips for a First Date: Be Prepared
You can never truly prepare yourself for a bad date. You don’t know how the other person is going to react to you or how you’re going to react to them. One of you may have eaten bad food at the restaurant, which is another reason not to choose a dinner date. The only thing you can prepare yourself for is the aftermath of the date. Learn to embrace your imperfections and not take everything seriously. There are lessons to be learned from every date, whether or not they are successful. Your goal is to be ready for whatever happens.
Finally, one of the best tips for a first date is to be yourself. You want to present your best self, of course, but you also want to be genuine. If you’re nervous, you can use humour to break the ice.
Dealing with a breakup never easy. The sense of loss can feel heavy and weight on your mind. The emotional roller coaster that follows isn’t a blast either. But there are ways to cope with a break-up and they are easier than you’d think! You don’t need to spend money or do anything drastic to make yourself feel better.
Before we get into the best method of learning how to cope with a breakup, you should know there is a difference between distracting yourself and avoiding the break-up. The goal of these activities is to prevent you from obsessing over your ex or the relationship. It’s not about avoiding the break-up altogether. You need to process the end of the relationship in a healthy manner. Sometimes, that means reaching out to a therapist. Many people need a shoulder to cry on when they are going through a break-up. It’s perfectly normal. Of course, you may also choose to write our your emotions in a journal.
Now, here are some helpful things to remember when it comes to learning how to cope with a breakup:Treat Yourself
Take yourself out to lunch or go on a small shopping spree. Enjoy a relaxing spa treatment or go mountain biking and feel the fresh air on your skin. You need to pamper yourself. Do something that feels like a treat and feel great about it. Many people going through a break-up tend to let themselves go. Of course, a dramatic change in appearance is common with breakups, but it isn’t recommended.
By keeping busy, you can keep your mind from obsessing over the break-up, which gives your heart time to heal. You can keep busy with work, friends, travelling, organising your home and many other activities. Now with organising, you don’t want to start tossing things away. The minimalist method is to put items you don’t want away. If you don’t think about them after 30 days, you can safely get rid of them. You can also throw yourself into the hobbies & interests you haven’t been giving time to. Take care that you don’t over-do any particular activity.
Connect With Others
It’s important that you take time to reconnect with the people in your life, like friends & family. This helps you to keep the break-up in perspective and gives you something else to focus on. If you’re feeling particularly low, don’t be afraid to ask for help and support. You don’t need to learn how to cope with a breakup by yourself. You can also volunteer for various causes to truly feel a sense of accomplishment.
Connect With Yourself
During a relationship, most of us begin to lose our sense of self. You can take this time to refocus and look inward. Reconnect with yourself and your hopes, dreams & goals. You can do this by filling out personality questionnaires or putting together a bucket list. By doing this, you’ll move forward in a more tranquil state of mind. You want to limit the time you have to think about your ex and the highlights of the relationship. Focus on the highlights of your relationship with yourself instead.
If you can afford to, take a vacation somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. This will help you to feel you can still accomplish your dreams & goals without your now-ex. A vacation might be exactly what you need to feel the freedom of being single. You can even start knocking things off the bucket-list you made yourself!
Now that you’re single, you want to be open to new experiences. This can be meeting someone new, travelling, a promotion at work and just about everything else. You never know what might be around the corner, so make sure you’re open to finding out! Of course, “trying new things” should always be done in moderation. You don’t want to go overboard! Random hook-ups, drug abuse, and questionable behaviour. Maybe it’s time to try online dating and find a new match.
Learning how to cope with a breakup isn’t a quick thing to deal with. But I promise things will get easier over time. If you’d like a dating coaching session to help then please contact me.
When you’re a single professional, it’s hard to meet new people. You pour most of your energy and time into your career. That doesn’t leave you time to go out and try and find a date. Does that mean you are doomed to spend your nights alone? Of course not! There are many ways that you can increase your chances of meeting someone new. As a Dating Coach I know exactly where to find them! Let’s take a look at 4 ways to meet men:
Go Out if You Want to Know How to Meet Men
The more often you go out, the more likely you are to meet someone. If you don’t have enough spare time, find a way to make more. Try and get involved with things you’ll enjoy doing. Be open to new experiences. Below is a list of ideas that can get you started, but feel free to try your own variations:
Take your dog for a walk to the dog park & strike up a conversation with someone
Sign up for a wine-tasting at your local vineyard
Sign up for a cooking class (or any hands-on class)
Volunteer at a local shelter (human or animal)
Go to a concert (the smaller, the better)
Go to a museum
Attend the wedding of someone you know
Go out with your friends or co-workers
If you’re going out, it’s important to know how to present yourself. You want to look unoccupied (but not bored) and approachable. You can do this by dressing comfortably and staying visible. Make eye contact with people who look in your direction and smile often. This body language tells people that you want to be approached and are open for conversation.
If you can’t figure out how to meet men on your own, try asking someone to set you up. You may have a friend or a co-worker who knows someone single. This options allows the person to choose someone they think you’ll like. As long as you’re asking someone who knows you, you’re likely to hit it off with your blind date. You get to avoid looking for someone, while meeting someone with similar interests.
The easiest way to meet new people is by using the internet. There are many online dating websites, including niche websites. If you find it too complicated, you can always try a dating app. This method allows you to meet people and keep in touch while you’re on the go. The downside is that many people who are active on dating websites or applications are just interested in wasting time.
If you simply want to skip the attempt to meet someone organically, you can try a match-making service. Also known as dating agencies, these companies are professionally committed to helping you find someone special. You are given a questionnaire that will help the match maker find someone suitable for you, with common interests and similar goals for the future. A dating services knows how to meet men and they screen potential dates. If you are interested in the benefits of a match-making service, visit www.datingagencyreviews.co.uk and see which dating agencies are out there.
Valentine’s Day is a period filled with romance, wooing and love hearts pretty much everywhere we look… if you’re in a relationship this is likely to marry well with your blissful preparations, however for singles the endless stream of fuzziness might leave a little to be desired.
Luckily, it seems that Valentine’s Day could actually be rather convenient for singles… This holiday inspires a wave of exciting events across the city, all designed with singles in mind. We don’t need to sit inside with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s in hand, singing along to the iconic performances of Bridget Jones (slippers and diary in tow) … instead, we should forget the stereotype that surrounds singles on Valentine’s Day and make the most of what this day offers – exciting dates!
Dating expert Charlie Spokes, the founder of unique dating website ‘My Friend Charlie’, appreciates the beauty in Valentine’s Day for all singletons. Charlie organises exciting blind group dates for singles throughout the year, and February 14th certainly doesn’t go amiss! In essence, you sign up for an event as opposed to the person/people you’ll be meeting, meaning that you can enjoy Valentine’s Day without the typical dating woes (we’ve all experienced disappointing texts and the shallow swiping that accompanies new-age apps!).
To help you navigate Valentine’s Day as a hopeful single, Charlie has outlined 5 of her upcoming events. As you discover unmissable dating opportunities, you’ll realise that Valentine’s Day holds endless opportunities for all – love could be just around the corner!
1. Valentines Try Tag rugby tournament.
On February 16th Charlie will be hosting a Valentine’s Try Tag rugby tournament. Whilst you might not immediately consider a relationship between this love-filled holiday and fitness, Charlie’s event is a fantastic way of meeting sporty, like-minded singles while enjoying a fun day of Tag Rugby, not to mention a lively after party!
2. Fine wine business networking event.
On Valentine’s Day, it’s important to remember the fundamental message of love; from partners to family, friends and those we’re yet to meet. No matter your relationship, this day reminds us that socialising and taking the time to get to know other people is always an enriching experience. To offer a mingling opportunity like no other, Charlie has organised a fine wine business networking event on the 7th February with Frederique Pierre-Pierre, a former investment banker who now, under the nom de plume of Freddie P. Peters, writes financial and espionage thrillers. Here, attendees will be able to explore their business and personal interests, discussing intriguing topics whilst enjoying sensational house wines from ‘Seven Springs Vineyard’ and delicious cheeses from ‘Cows and Co’.
An unconventional Valentine’s possibility that’ll ensure you don’t feel lonely when the 14th rolls around, this will refocus your inner tigress just in time! It’s never the wrong time to focus on your own success, for loving yourself should always come first – Valentine’s Day included!
3. An adventure holiday in Ethiopia
It might not be taking place on Valentine’s day itself, but ‘My Friend Charlie’s’ upcoming adventure holiday for singles in Ethiopia is certainly something you could start planning, reigniting your excitement for finding romance! Explore 13th century rock-hewn churches, walk through villages and meet local people as you mingle with like-minded travellers looking for love. If there’s ever a time of year to organise an inspiring journey to new corners of the world, it’s now!
4. Dangerous date night: axe throwing!
To meet ‘the one’, you might just have to step out of your comfort zone… after all, if Valentine’s Day teaches us anything, it’s that we shouldn’t settle for a romance that doesn’t get our adrenaline pumping.
‘My Friend Charlie’ regularly organises dangerous date nights in the form of axe throwing, bringing something alternative to the London dating scene. You can be sure you’ll meet someone equally spontaneous here!
5. The ‘My Friend Charlie’ boot camp.
If you’ve had enough of the inevitable Valentine’s Day soppiness, it might be time to release some energy at an active fitness session (bonus? You could meet an equally fitness-minded partner!). ‘My Friend Charlie’ hosts weekly boot camps in Hyde Park with a dating-twist, to kick your Valentine’s Day off to a great start.
As a Confidence Coach, I know that a bad date can shake the confidence of almost anyone. You are left wondering what went wrong and if it was your fault or theirs. There is a chance you just weren’t compatible, but that’s a reality that’s hard to see when you’re in the moment. You may try to pretend nothing happened and fake your confidence for the next date. You may start questioning the entirety of your dating experience and think about stop dating altogether. The old saying “one bad apple doesn’t ruin the barrel” applies here. One bad date doesn’t mean you’re going to be alone forever. Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, it’s time to refresh that confidence!
Reframe Your Thinking
This is a trick used in many forms of therapy. It takes a negative thought and finds a way to make it positive. Instead of considering a bad date a “failure”, consider it a learning experience. It isn’t always easy to see the lesson hidden in “failure”, but there is always something to be taken from every situation. Learning to reframe your thoughts is a way to see a negative situation in a more positive light. Not only will this help you to maintain your confidence, but it’s appealing to a future partner.
Dress To Impress
The way you dress can make or break almost any date, so you want to look really good. That doesn’t mean you should forget about comfort. The best clothing selection should be comfortable and flattering. This combination is ideal for maintaining your confidence. Of course, the most important thing you can wear is your smile. But don’t forget to pay attention to your personal hygiene. No one wants to spend time with a slob.
When you’re on a date, ask about his/her ideal first date. Is there something different you could be doing that would sweep them off their feet? Try it. You could even try asking about their ideal partner. Does this ideal person sound like you? If not, you’ll know why they aren’t going to call you back and won’t need to feel bad about yourself. Always make sure you’re listening and watch for subtle cues in body language. A first date is informative and you don’t want to miss any information.
If you’re uptight on a date or anxious, you’re unlikely to get a call back. If you want to show you are confident, you need to be cool. You want to be able to laugh and feel care free. You want to be able to shrug off anything that doesn’t go according to plan. Adaptability is a sign that someone is confident in themselves and their abilities.
A final piece of advice from a confidence coach is this: No one else knows what they are doing either. Dating, like life, is a learning experience and it is unique for everyone. Although there are general tips for landing a date or meeting someone new, it is ultimately up to you to make it happen.
Almost everyone has dealt with someone who isn’t texting them back. Often this happens after a first date. Typically, it means the other person isn’t interested in you, but they are afraid to simply say that. Instead, they hope the silence will be enough.
Unfortunately, that’s not the only possible reason. There are dozens of legitimate reasons that could have him away from his phone. He may be dealing with a family emergency, for instance. There is a chance he has been too busy with work to devote any time to his social life. Maybe your last text was something easy to dismiss, like “hello, how are you?” (hint: send texts that encourage a response, such as “we should go to the movies on Friday if you’re not busy” or “I’ve really wanted to try that new sushi bar, do you want to go sometime?”).
It isn’t always easy to tell the difference between someone who is busy and someone who is busy playing games. It can be frustrating, even discouraging at times. The best thing you can do when he doesn’t text back is learn to handle the silence.
The first step you need to take is away from your phone. As long as you are looking at it, you’ll feel compelled to text him over and over. You’ll eagerly be waiting for the response. In doing this, you are likely to start over thinking. Yes, there could be a million reasons. No, you don’t need to think of all of them. In fact, don’t think at all! The worst thing you can do is over think when he doesn’t text back. You need to take a break from thinking
In order to turn your brain off, you have to keep yourself busy! Don’t sit around at home. Go out for a walk or treat yourself to dinner. Go to a movie or an art gallery. Stay out of the house. You may even choose to meet up with a few friends for the night. Just make sure that you’re keeping yourself busy. This atmosphere is healthy because it allows you to focus on the other joys in life and helps you maintain a positive outlook. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends can also help you to keep the situation in perspective. Plus, you may be able to ask for advice (just avoid gossip and self-deprecation).
Finally, when he doesn’t text back, give him space. The worst thing you can do is text him too frequently. Ultimately, you’re only pushing him away. He’ll feel that you’re needy and a little desperate. Even if it is hard, you have to be patient with his silence. If he does have a legitimate reason, he’ll appreciate your patience. This behaviour will show him that you’re kind, supportive and you don’t jump to conclusions. That is the kind of partner that everyone is looking for.
Unfortunately, there is a chance he is simply playing games. You may hear from him one night when he’s lonely and doesn’t have something “better” to be doing. If that happens, ignoring the text is your best bet. If you call him out on his silence, he’ll make excuses and you may even believe them. Give him the same treatment that he gave you and move on.
If you would like some help from the UK’s leading Dating Coach for Women then get in touch via the Contact Form now.
The world of online dating can be confusing, especially if you’re just entering it. The first question you’re faced with is: where to start? There are so many websites that claim to have 10,000’s of singles in your area. There are dozens of phone applications that you hear people talking about. Do you sign up for all of them to increase your chances? Do you just pick one? Which one? Then you finally choose a website to join, build a profile, and send a few messages. When you get a response, you don’t quite understand the abbreviations. It can be super confusing, no matter what your age is.
Using an online dating consultant can help you to eliminate many of the questions you’d ask yourself. From choosing a website to setting up your profile, you’ll be able to interact with someone willing to guide you through this experience.
Many online dating consultants can recommend a reputable website to join. You don’t want to sign up to the first website you find. If you’re choosing a website on your own, you want to do a bit of research. There are sadly dating websites that are complete scams, though it’s usually false advertising. You can avoid finding out the hard way by doing your own research or hiring a dating coach.
An online dating consultant will help you to create an ideal profile first. They will suggest using natural photos for your profile. Of course, the photos can be flattering too! You’ll also learn how to craft a short, yet catchy, bio. Most people on dating websites don’t want to read paragraphs. That includes your first message to a potential date. Short and sweet is always the way to go in the world of dating. You may want to avoid lingo or abbreviations, but you may feel the modern language of dating is fun. If you’re unsure what different lingo means, an online dating consultant can help.
The perfect profile and a great opening message are some of the benefits to using an online dating consultant. But they aren’t the only benefits. You can easily learn lingo or how to build a profile with an internet search. But choosing a consultant helps to tailor the experience to you. Often, you are able to improve your communication skills and really get to the root of what you’re looking for in a partner. There are several reasons a consultant is better than an internet search, but it boils down to interaction. You are able to learn much easier when you’re interacting with a teacher.
Of course, it can be a scary experience. Many people hesitate about hiring a service because they don’t want to spend money and not have success. Often, people don’t experience success because they weren’t willing to go the extra mile. Remember: A dating service can only do so much. You have to be willing to learn, to compromise, and to put in the work. If you’re willing to commit to a dating service, you will always see your money working for you. Yes, there are going to be a few bad dates. No service can guarantee success. However, they can guarantee results if you’re open to the whole experience.
When you use a dating service, like an online dating consultant, you’ll have the skills to learn from your experience and move forward with the next person.
Since you can’t avoid bad dates, it’s important to know how to make a bad date work for you. This is where a dating coach will be helpful to you. The best dating coach will help you to turn your negative experiences into positive ones. You will learn how to look at every situation from two different sides. While it’s easiest to blame someone 100%, both parties will share responsibility in a failed date. You’ll learn through coaching how to apply that to your personal love life.
You will also feel more confident once you’ve enlisted the help of a dating professional. Since confidence is what will attract others to you, you’re already going to be more successful. Of course, there are many other things that you’ll learn from a dating coach. Here is a short list of tips you’ll likely hear from the best dating coach:
Date with an open mind
Don’t play games with people
Don’t let people play games with you
Get on the same page as your date
Know your personal boundaries
Set your boundaries and stick to them
Let the situation progress naturally
Don’t force conversation/chemistry/intimacy
Don’t try to change someone or think about changing them
Don’t act eager or desperate
Believe in your desirability
Learn from and analyze your experiences
Keep putting yourself out there
These are all great suggestions that you can start using today, with or without a dating coach. Of course, it’s easier said than done, right? Think about dating as a new work-out routine: it’s easy to lose focus when you start on your own path. By having a coach or trainer, you’re enlisting an accountability partner. That means you have someone to motivate you when you’re discouraged. That means it is easier to get back out there and stick to your plan. Dating is the same.
You can easily get discouraged after a few bad dates, even with a coach. This is why the best dating coach and coaching services suggest you may want to keep a dating journal. With a dating journal, you can keep track of the people you’ve met and how the date went. You can write down different things you said or they said. This is also helpful to refer back to if the relationship progresses. You’ll be able to remember things they said on the first date and reference them later. This shows the person you’re dating that you’re serious about them. A dating journal may also help you to understand where a date went wrong. If it happens often, you may even see a pattern! Of course, the best dating coach will tell you that it’s just important to consider your thoughts as it is to consider your actions.
If you want more detail about how to apply these suggestions to your own dating experience, you may want to look up the best dating coach in the world – James Preece.
Let’s face it: No one knows everything. So when you’re faced with something you don’t know how to do, what do you do about it? You learn. The best way to face any challenge is learning how to overcome it. This way, you’ll have the skills for the future. Dating training is the same as learning to cook or learning how to swim. It is a skill and the more you know, the better you’ll be. Although there is no “master” level, there are obvious advantages to this type of training.
Dating training starts with the basic skills needed to properly communicate with other people. While you may believe you’re pretty good already, you can never get enough practice. You want to remember that communication means listening as well as speaking. Many people tend to forget that. When you’re on a date with someone, it’s important to be able to listen to them in the moment. It’s also important to remember things that someone has said to you. One trick to remembering is asking follow-up questions. This is the type of practice you’ll receive throughout dating training.
Similar to many good dating agencies, coaches help you to work on your level of confidence as well. This means boosting your self-esteem. Although it’s good to keep ego in check, it’s helpful to know what your strong points are. You’ll work on identifying your key strengths and take a closer look at some of your weaknesses. This will help you to improve your game and be more appealing on dates.
Dating training will also help you to prepare for your interactions with conversation starters, and help you learn what to say on dates. You’ll also look at what not to say. Unfortunately, a poorly timed joke can ruin an otherwise enjoyable evening. That’s why you want to know how to navigate your date. It is important for your dating success to know the typical 5 W’s of story-telling:
Who you are going out with
What they are like as a person
Where you are going and who will be around you
When are you going to see them again
Why did they choose you for this date
By considering these 5 questions, you’ll be able to mentally map out your date. You can plan what jokes you’ll tell. If you’re going sight-seeing, you can learn interesting facts about the sights you’ll see. This helps you to move the conversation forward and limits the amount of awkward silences you’ll have.
Now, there are times we lack motivation to get out there and meet new people. This happens often after a few bad dates. Dating training will help you balance out negative and positive experiences and keep you moving forward. You’ll learn see each date as an experience and ultimately, learn from each experience.
When you choose a dating service, like dating coaching or match-making, you are choosing to take action. A future version of you will thank you for investing in yourself and your love life.