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Frame of Mind by Allan Friedman - 2M ago

INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“When one person changes their steps, the entire dance changes.” 

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Does it Really Take 2 to Tango?

Do you believe that it takes two to tango? Do both people need to put in the work? President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, Kim Ades, shares her unique perspective.

You’ve likely heard the expression, “it takes two to tango.” It means that in order for a relationship to run smoothly, in order to work well with someone or in order to overcome a conflict with someone, both parties need to put in the same amount of effort. It’s not enough for one person to do all the work.

Or so you may think.

Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares her unique spin on this old adage that many people live by.

Watch!

Does it Really Take 2 to Tango? - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Many people believe that it takes two to tango.

At Frame of Mind Coaching, we believe that it doesn’t necessarily require two to tango.

If one person changes the steps in the dance, the dance changes.

So what does that mean?

When in a conflict with someone, many people think it requires both individuals to compromise.

That it requires both individuals to agree to change.

We suggest that if you change, the other person will either follow you or they will say, “I don’t like this dance” and they’ll leave.

Either way, you are dancing the dance that you want to be dancing.

It does not take two to tango.

It only requires one person.

When one person changes their steps, the entire dance changes.

Prior to coaching, many of our clients wonder, “Won’t my partner, my colleagues, my friends and my family need to be coached too in order for my coaching to be successful?” Our response to them is this…

When you begin to change through coaching – when you become more optimistic, more engaged, more confident, more decisive and more content – others will either come along for the ride or they will drop off the map. Those who are aligned with the new you will stay by your side, and those who have been holding you back will finally let you go.

The post Does it Really Take 2 to Tango? appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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Frame of Mind by Frame Of Mind - 3M ago

My Mother’s Eulogy
by Kim Ades
As many of you know by now, my mother passed away on January 7th, 2019. I thought that I would take a moment to share the eulogy I wrote for her. Mothers are great teachers. In reflecting on my mother’s life and the lessons she taught me over the years, I realized just how much she influenced my perspective and approach as a coach.    

My Mother’s Eulogy

Dear God,

The last time we were in this room together, you took my father and you set him up with a great role by your side as a trusted advisor.  I know that he is doing well next to you. How do I know? Because he often visits me in my dreams and lets me know. Just over a week ago he showed up in one of my dreams.  Our arms were linked and he put his cheek next to mine – I could feel his soft skin against my cheek. I knew he was there to tell me that he was ready for my mother to return with him – he made it clear that he was waiting for her impatiently.   

Today we are here because it was finally time for my mother to join him.  

But let me tell you that she played hard to get.  She was not so willing to go. She stuck it out with us until she was absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, ready to go.

Thank you God for taking her naturally, easily, painlessly and peacefully.

My mother was my hero.  She was everything a mother should be.  Loving, kind, generous, and always, always there for you – no matter what.  She was my greatest role model – not only as an accomplished career woman, but as a wife, a mother, and a sister.

She would wake up super early in the morning to prepare dinner for that evening.  My dad would complain about the odour in the house because she would fry garlic and onions at 6 a.m. to ensure a delicious meal.  She would then go to work, put in a full day managing her staff and serving her clients as bank manager, come home, set dinner on the table, have dinner with her family, clean up, fold some laundry, and start all over again the following day.  I used to call her Wonder Woman. She was a super hero in every sense of the word.

Her claim to fame was speed – she could cook faster than anybody, shop faster than anybody, walk faster than anybody, and even drive faster than anybody.  And she did it all with pride, determination, and always a smile on her face, never a complaint. She always expressed a joy for life that was larger than life.   Even in her final days when I would call her every night at 6 p.m. to talk to her and sing her a series of songs, she would find some way to express her engagement and appreciation for my call.  

“Are you ready for the last song?” I would ask her every single night.  “Say I’m ready!”

“I’m ready!” She would reply.  And I would complete every call by singing her happy birthday.  For the past few months, after hanging up from each call, I wondered if that would be the last time I would sing to her.

I think of my mother as my greatest teacher.  

Life’s Principles 

As an executive coach people ask me where I learned my coaching skills. The truth is that my mother taught me everything I know about coaching.  She was the ultimate coach. And while I call them the “Frame of Mind Coaching Principles”, they are really the Principles of life designed and created by my mother.  Let me share them with you…

  • When you are feeling bad, turn your attention to that which makes you feel better.  When my niece was a kid and she would cry, my mother’s immediate response was “Look, look, look at the bird!” Distracting her just enough to stop crying.

  • Accept yourself completely.  I distinctly remember a conversation I had with her when I was a teenager.  I looked in the mirror and felt very frustrated with what I saw. I turned to her and said, “Why did we have to be born with such fat legs?”  Her response was this “There’s nothing wrong with our legs. I love myself just the way I am and you have to love yourself too.”

  • Always conduct yourself with integrity and do the right thing.  Live according to your values. This showed up in everything she did – whether it was showing up to visit a sick friend with a bag of home baked delicacies, correcting a cashier when she would accidentally return too much money, or going back to the store after getting home and discovering that there was something in her bag that was not on the bill.  My mother ALWAYS did the right thing.

  • Be clear about your priorities.  It’s ok to work hard.  It’s okay to play hard.  It’s okay to travel, and socialize, and live a good life. But when push comes to shove, family comes first.  And that is how my mother lived her life with every waking breath. She was always there for everyone. Family first – that was her motto.

  • Respect yourself and show people how to treat you.  For as long as I live, I will never forget the day that she was at home with me on one snowy day at 200 Hyman Drive.  It was a weekday and she was at home because a few days earlier she had a car accident and had a torti-colis. She took a day off to rest and put a collar on her neck.  Living on a corner lot, our house was the bus stop for many kids from different schools. At around lunch time that day, she noticed the kids on our front lawn, sliding down the hill pulling all the snow down onto the driveway making it impossible for my father to get in and out of the garage.  She opened the door and politely asked them to stop. They did. And about 2 minutes later, they started sliding down the hill again, creating an even bigger traffic jam on our driveway. This time, she wasn’t so polite, she went into the garage and pulled out the hose and sprayed those kids with water yelling at them to stop sliding down the hill.  She definitely made her point. Don’t mess with Mrs. Ades.

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Don’t get trapped in small inconsequential battles.  Forgive and forget and move along. Waving her hand as though waving the problem away she would say, “These are stupidities.” Take it easy, be light, and don’t take things too seriously and live harmoniously with the people you love

  • Treasure the people in your life.  Especially your kids. Enjoy them.  Treat them kindly. Shower them with food and gifts and your time.  Teach them how to cook your personal recipes and how to pick a good watermelon.  Play a few rounds of cards with them and make sure they don’t cheat. Take them shopping, help them with their homework, give them treats every now and then, and show them you love them. Your kids are guests in your home.

  • Give generously.  No wait – give VERY generously.  Why?  You are not going to take it with you.  No one was more generous than my mother.  She gave with an open hand and an open heart.  If she was preparing a meal, she’d prepare for an army – “It’s always better to have too much than not enough”, she would say. And for whatever reason, she always had a stash of cash tucked away. As a teenager, her brother had a mad crush on a girl from across the street and needed some extra money to take her out. He could always count on her to spot him a few.

  • Never put limitations on yourself.  You can do anything you want – you just need to believe in yourself.  She used to say that a person who wants to study doesn’t need a fancy school, they can study in the bathroom if they are really determined. My mother always thought of herself as capable of doing anything. Get a job as a secretary with no typing skills and no English proficiency?  No problem.Cook a meal for 20 with absolutely no notice?  A breeze. Rise up through the ranks and eventually become a bank manager?  Absolutely. Pick up her 200-pound mother off the floor single-handedly. If you put your mind to it, anything is possible.
  • It’s okay to feel bad when something bad happens – but not for too long. It’s important to get up, dust yourself off, and move along.  There’s still some living to do. She used to say “Go put on some makeup – you’ll feel better.”  

And while my tears may have messed it up, I took a little extra time this morning to do my makeup.

Before I leave this podium there’s one more thing I want to do.  I’d like you to join me in one last song. Are you ready? Say ‘I’m ready’!

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday dear Fernande

Happy Birthday to you!

About Frame of Mind Coaching™

Frame of Mind Coaching™ specializes in coaching highly driven, achievement oriented individuals who are committed to living outstanding lives. The foundation of FOM Coaching™ is that a person’s thinking has a greater impact on their outcomes than any other contributing factor. As such, Frame of Mind Coaches focus on the study and examination of thoughts, beliefs, past experiences and perspectives in order to make sense of the results that clients generate in their lives. Due to the impact of the coaches, the coaching process, the platform and the focus, clients consistently experience exceptional personal transformation and professional growth.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching™ Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2018 Frame of Mind Coaching™ Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The post Eulogy appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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Frame of Mind by Frame Of Mind - 3M ago

INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“Usually when we choose affirmations, or we’re told to pick an affirmation, it’s a stretch.”

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Why Affirmations Don’t Work

An affirmation is a statement that we tell ourselves in order to make it our reality. Some examples of affirmations are, “Today will be a perfect day,” “I will crush my to-do list,” “I am a genius,” and “I am thin, fit and healthy.”

Do you repeat affirmations to yourself every morning?

Do you write motivational messages on your mirror?

Do you scour the web for inspirational quotes to live your life by?

While there is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with positive messaging, there is a fundamental flaw with how most people approach affirmations.

Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares why affirmations don’t often work and what you can try instead.

Watch!

Why Affirmations Don't Work - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Why am I not such a huge fan of affirmations?

Because usually when we choose an affirmation, or we’re told to pick an affirmation, it’s a stretch.

We don’t believe it.

If I look in the mirror and say, “I’m a beauty queen,” or “I’m going to be a model,” in the back of my head I say, “Who am I kidding?”

The “who am I kidding” component trumps all.

It’s the beliefs that lead how I view the world.

I don’t want to pick an affirmation that’s so far fetched and create a greater distance between myself and that vision or that goal.

What I want to do is trade up.

What is trading up?

Trading up is choosing a thought that is slightly better than my current thought.

So if my current thought is, “Man, I look awful,” my next thought can be, “You know what, I don’t look so bad for my age. I’m OK. Compare me to all the other 49-year-old’s… I’m pretty good.”

That’s a more believable thought.

It’s not quite an affirmation, but it helps me climb the ladder of better feeling thoughts until I get to a better place where I go, “I’m pretty hot.”

People often choose affirmations that they don’t truly believe, making it impossible for them to experience the desired effect. Instead, swap thoughts that don’t serve you for thoughts that do serve you (and that you believe), and go from there.

At Frame of Mind Coaching, we call this “trading up.” This is one of the many skills we teach our clients so that they can reach their goals with speed and agility.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Why Affirmations Don’t Work appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“When you think about any relationship, whether it’s with a business partner, a spouse or a friend, identify the characteristics that you’re looking for.”

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Shopping for the Right Business Partner

Have you been shopping around for the right business partner? President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, Kim Ades, shares how to find someone who is the perfect fit.

As you have grown your business, you’ve likely made many advantageous partnerships and connections along the way, while some people you’ve chosen to work with may have led you astray. Or perhaps you’re in the dating game and are finding yourself exhausted with the lack of viable candidates.

Choosing a partner can sometimes feel impossible. Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares how to find a partner that is the right match for you.

Watch!

Shopping for the Right Business Partner - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Imagine yourself shopping at a grocery store.

You’re taking things off the shelf and putting them in your cart.

You don’t go through the shopping center and say, “I don’t want that, I don’t want that, I don’t want that, I don’t want that.”

You pick the things that you do want.

So when you think about any relationship, whether it’s with a business partner, a spouse or a friend, identify the qualities and the characteristics that you’re looking for.

It’s like putting things in your cart.

What you focus on grows. And so you want to focus on what you want, not what you don’t.

Too often, we focus on what personality traits we don’t want in a partner instead of focusing on what we actually do want. But as Kim reminds us, we don’t shop by looking at all the things we don’t want to buy! Instead, we go straight for what we know we want.

We need to take the time to identify exactly what we want in a partner before we even start looking. That way, when the right partner finally comes along, we know with absolute certainty that they’re the one.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Shopping for the Right Business Partner appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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Frame of Mind by Allan Friedman - 3M ago

INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“When one person changes their steps, the entire dance changes.” 

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Does it Really Take 2 to Tango?

Do you believe that it takes two to tango? Do both people need to put in the work? President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, Kim Ades, shares her unique perspective.

You’ve likely heard the expression, “it takes two to tango.” It means that in order for a relationship to run smoothly, in order to work well with someone or in order to overcome a conflict with someone, both parties need to put in the same amount of effort. It’s not enough for one person to do all the work.

Or so you may think.

Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares her unique spin on this old adage that many people live by.

Watch!

Does it Really Take 2 to Tango? - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Many people believe that it takes two to tango.

At Frame of Mind Coaching, we believe that it doesn’t necessarily require two to tango.

If one person changes the steps in the dance, the dance changes.

So what does that mean?

When in a conflict with someone, many people think it requires both individuals to compromise.

That it requires both individuals to agree to change.

We suggest that if you change, the other person will either follow you or they will say, “I don’t like this dance” and they’ll leave.

Either way, you are dancing the dance that you want to be dancing.

It does not take two to tango.

It only requires one person.

When one person changes their steps, the entire dance changes.

Prior to coaching, many of our clients wonder, “Won’t my partner, my colleagues, my friends and my family need to be coached too in order for my coaching to be successful?” Our response to them is this…

When you begin to change through coaching – when you become more optimistic, more engaged, more confident, more decisive and more content – others will either come along for the ride or they will drop off the map. Those who are aligned with the new you will stay by your side, and those who have been holding you back will finally let you go.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Does it Really Take 2 to Tango? appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity with speed and agility and to leverage that adversity.”

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Emotional Resilience: A Strategic Advantage

Having a high level of emotional resilience is a HUGE strategic advantage for leaders and entrepreneurs, but what exactly is it and how can you leverage it? President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, Kim Ades, explores the concept of emotional resilience.

Frame of Mind Coaching clients are highly successful leaders and entrepreneurs who are struggling in one or more areas of their life. They come from all different industries, but what they have in common is their frustration. They are frustrated that no one in their personal life truly gets them. They are frustrated with their team and their lack of results. They are frustrated with themselves for not reaching their goals fast enough.

What they don’t realize is that this frustration is keeping them from their success. Snapping out of this state and using it to their advantage is one of the many skills we help our clients master. We call this skill emotional resilience.

Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, explores the concept of emotional resilience.

Watch!

How to Measure Emotional Resilience - YouTube

Transcription:
Kim Ades: Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity with speed and agility.

In fact, those with a high level of emotional resilience don’t only bounce back with speed and agility, they leverage their adversity.

So something bad happens to them, they fall and then they say, “OK. I’m done falling. I’m getting back up.

How do I turn this into something good?

How do I leverage this?

How do I make it an advantage as opposed to a disadvantage?”

We see a lot of entrepreneurs who have great skill in doing that.

Many leaders, many great leaders, take their negative experiences, learn from them and turn them into a strategic advantage.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Emotional Resilience: A Strategic Advantage appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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Frame of Mind by Frame Of Mind - 3M ago

My Mother’s Eulogy
by Kim Ades
As many of you know by now, my mother passed away on January 7th, 2019. I thought that I would take a moment to share the eulogy I wrote for her. Mothers are great teachers. In reflecting on my mother’s life and the lessons she taught me over the years, I realized just how much she influenced my perspective and approach as a coach.    

My Mother’s Eulogy

Dear God,

The last time we were in this room together, you took my father and you set him up with a great role by your side as a trusted advisor.  I know that he is doing well next to you. How do I know? Because he often visits me in my dreams and lets me know. Just over a week ago he showed up in one of my dreams.  Our arms were linked and he put his cheek next to mine – I could feel his soft skin against my cheek. I knew he was there to tell me that he was ready for my mother to return with him – he made it clear that he was waiting for her impatiently.   

Today we are here because it was finally time for my mother to join him.  

But let me tell you that she played hard to get.  She was not so willing to go. She stuck it out with us until she was absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, ready to go.

Thank you God for taking her naturally, easily, painlessly and peacefully.

My mother was my hero.  She was everything a mother should be.  Loving, kind, generous, and always, always there for you – no matter what.  She was my greatest role model – not only as an accomplished career woman, but as a wife, a mother, and a sister.

She would wake up super early in the morning to prepare dinner for that evening.  My dad would complain about the odour in the house because she would fry garlic and onions at 6 a.m. to ensure a delicious meal.  She would then go to work, put in a full day managing her staff and serving her clients as bank manager, come home, set dinner on the table, have dinner with her family, clean up, fold some laundry, and start all over again the following day.  I used to call her Wonder Woman. She was a super hero in every sense of the word.

Her claim to fame was speed – she could cook faster than anybody, shop faster than anybody, walk faster than anybody, and even drive faster than anybody.  And she did it all with pride, determination, and always a smile on her face, never a complaint. She always expressed a joy for life that was larger than life.   Even in her final days when I would call her every night at 6 p.m. to talk to her and sing her a series of songs, she would find some way to express her engagement and appreciation for my call.  

“Are you ready for the last song?” I would ask her every single night.  “Say I’m ready!”

“I’m ready!” She would reply.  And I would complete every call by singing her happy birthday.  For the past few months, after hanging up from each call, I wondered if that would be the last time I would sing to her.

I think of my mother as my greatest teacher.  

Life’s Principles 

As an executive coach people ask me where I learned my coaching skills. The truth is that my mother taught me everything I know about coaching.  She was the ultimate coach. And while I call them the “Frame of Mind Coaching Principles”, they are really the Principles of life designed and created by my mother.  Let me share them with you…

  • When you are feeling bad, turn your attention to that which makes you feel better.  When my niece was a kid and she would cry, my mother’s immediate response was “Look, look, look at the bird!” Distracting her just enough to stop crying.

  • Accept yourself completely.  I distinctly remember a conversation I had with her when I was a teenager.  I looked in the mirror and felt very frustrated with what I saw. I turned to her and said, “Why did we have to be born with such fat legs?”  Her response was this “There’s nothing wrong with our legs. I love myself just the way I am and you have to love yourself too.”

  • Always conduct yourself with integrity and do the right thing.  Live according to your values. This showed up in everything she did – whether it was showing up to visit a sick friend with a bag of home baked delicacies, correcting a cashier when she would accidentally return too much money, or going back to the store after getting home and discovering that there was something in her bag that was not on the bill.  My mother ALWAYS did the right thing.

  • Be clear about your priorities.  It’s ok to work hard.  It’s okay to play hard.  It’s okay to travel, and socialize, and live a good life. But when push comes to shove, family comes first.  And that is how my mother lived her life with every waking breath. She was always there for everyone. Family first – that was her motto.

  • Respect yourself and show people how to treat you.  For as long as I live, I will never forget the day that she was at home with me on one snowy day at 200 Hyman Drive.  It was a weekday and she was at home because a few days earlier she had a car accident and had a torti-colis. She took a day off to rest and put a collar on her neck.  Living on a corner lot, our house was the bus stop for many kids from different schools. At around lunch time that day, she noticed the kids on our front lawn, sliding down the hill pulling all the snow down onto the driveway making it impossible for my father to get in and out of the garage.  She opened the door and politely asked them to stop. They did. And about 2 minutes later, they started sliding down the hill again, creating an even bigger traffic jam on our driveway. This time, she wasn’t so polite, she went into the garage and pulled out the hose and sprayed those kids with water yelling at them to stop sliding down the hill.  She definitely made her point. Don’t mess with Mrs. Ades.

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Don’t get trapped in small inconsequential battles.  Forgive and forget and move along. Waving her hand as though waving the problem away she would say, “These are stupidities.” Take it easy, be light, and don’t take things too seriously and live harmoniously with the people you love

  • Treasure the people in your life.  Especially your kids. Enjoy them.  Treat them kindly. Shower them with food and gifts and your time.  Teach them how to cook your personal recipes and how to pick a good watermelon.  Play a few rounds of cards with them and make sure they don’t cheat. Take them shopping, help them with their homework, give them treats every now and then, and show them you love them. Your kids are guests in your home.

  • Give generously.  No wait – give VERY generously.  Why?  You are not going to take it with you.  No one was more generous than my mother.  She gave with an open hand and an open heart.  If she was preparing a meal, she’d prepare for an army – “It’s always better to have too much than not enough”, she would say. And for whatever reason, she always had a stash of cash tucked away. As a teenager, her brother had a mad crush on a girl from across the street and needed some extra money to take her out. He could always count on her to spot him a few.

  • Never put limitations on yourself.  You can do anything you want – you just need to believe in yourself.  She used to say that a person who wants to study doesn’t need a fancy school, they can study in the bathroom if they are really determined. My mother always thought of herself as capable of doing anything. Get a job as a secretary with no typing skills and no English proficiency?  No problem.Cook a meal for 20 with absolutely no notice?  A breeze. Rise up through the ranks and eventually become a bank manager?  Absolutely. Pick up her 200-pound mother off the floor single-handedly. If you put your mind to it, anything is possible.
  • It’s okay to feel bad when something bad happens – but not for too long. It’s important to get up, dust yourself off, and move along.  There’s still some living to do. She used to say “Go put on some makeup – you’ll feel better.”  

And while my tears may have messed it up, I took a little extra time this morning to do my makeup.

Before I leave this podium there’s one more thing I want to do.  I’d like you to join me in one last song. Are you ready? Say ‘I’m ready’!

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday dear Fernande

Happy Birthday to you!

About Frame of Mind Coaching™

Frame of Mind Coaching™ specializes in coaching highly driven, achievement oriented individuals who are committed to living outstanding lives. The foundation of FOM Coaching™ is that a person’s thinking has a greater impact on their outcomes than any other contributing factor. As such, Frame of Mind Coaches focus on the study and examination of thoughts, beliefs, past experiences and perspectives in order to make sense of the results that clients generate in their lives. Due to the impact of the coaches, the coaching process, the platform and the focus, clients consistently experience exceptional personal transformation and professional growth.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching™ Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2018 Frame of Mind Coaching™ Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The post Eulogy appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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Frame of Mind by Frame Of Mind - 3M ago

INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“Usually when we choose affirmations, or we’re told to pick an affirmation, it’s a stretch.”

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Why Affirmations Don’t Work

An affirmation is a statement that we tell ourselves in order to make it our reality. Some examples of affirmations are, “Today will be a perfect day,” “I will crush my to-do list,” “I am a genius,” and “I am thin, fit and healthy.”

Do you repeat affirmations to yourself every morning?

Do you write motivational messages on your mirror?

Do you scour the web for inspirational quotes to live your life by?

While there is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with positive messaging, there is a fundamental flaw with how most people approach affirmations.

Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares why affirmations don’t often work and what you can try instead.

Watch!

Why Affirmations Don't Work - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Why am I not such a huge fan of affirmations?

Because usually when we choose an affirmation, or we’re told to pick an affirmation, it’s a stretch.

We don’t believe it.

If I look in the mirror and say, “I’m a beauty queen,” or “I’m going to be a model,” in the back of my head I say, “Who am I kidding?”

The “who am I kidding” component trumps all.

It’s the beliefs that lead how I view the world.

I don’t want to pick an affirmation that’s so far fetched and create a greater distance between myself and that vision or that goal.

What I want to do is trade up.

What is trading up?

Trading up is choosing a thought that is slightly better than my current thought.

So if my current thought is, “Man, I look awful,” my next thought can be, “You know what, I don’t look so bad for my age. I’m OK. Compare me to all the other 49-year-old’s… I’m pretty good.”

That’s a more believable thought.

It’s not quite an affirmation, but it helps me climb the ladder of better feeling thoughts until I get to a better place where I go, “I’m pretty hot.”

People often choose affirmations that they don’t truly believe, making it impossible for them to experience the desired effect. Instead, swap thoughts that don’t serve you for thoughts that do serve you (and that you believe), and go from there.

At Frame of Mind Coaching, we call this “trading up.” This is one of the many skills we teach our clients so that they can reach their goals with speed and agility.

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© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Why Affirmations Don’t Work appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“When you think about any relationship, whether it’s with a business partner, a spouse or a friend, identify the characteristics that you’re looking for.”

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Shopping for the Right Business Partner

Have you been shopping around for the right business partner? President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, Kim Ades, shares how to find someone who is the perfect fit.

As you have grown your business, you’ve likely made many advantageous partnerships and connections along the way, while some people you’ve chosen to work with may have led you astray. Or perhaps you’re in the dating game and are finding yourself exhausted with the lack of viable candidates.

Choosing a partner can sometimes feel impossible. Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares how to find a partner that is the right match for you.

Watch!

Shopping for the Right Business Partner - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Imagine yourself shopping at a grocery store.

You’re taking things off the shelf and putting them in your cart.

You don’t go through the shopping center and say, “I don’t want that, I don’t want that, I don’t want that, I don’t want that.”

You pick the things that you do want.

So when you think about any relationship, whether it’s with a business partner, a spouse or a friend, identify the qualities and the characteristics that you’re looking for.

It’s like putting things in your cart.

What you focus on grows. And so you want to focus on what you want, not what you don’t.

Too often, we focus on what personality traits we don’t want in a partner instead of focusing on what we actually do want. But as Kim reminds us, we don’t shop by looking at all the things we don’t want to buy! Instead, we go straight for what we know we want.

We need to take the time to identify exactly what we want in a partner before we even start looking. That way, when the right partner finally comes along, we know with absolute certainty that they’re the one.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Shopping for the Right Business Partner appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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Frame of Mind by Allan Friedman - 3M ago

INSIGHT OF THE WEEK

“When one person changes their steps, the entire dance changes.” 

-Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching

Does it Really Take 2 to Tango?

Do you believe that it takes two to tango? Do both people need to put in the work? President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, Kim Ades, shares her unique perspective.

You’ve likely heard the expression, “it takes two to tango.” It means that in order for a relationship to run smoothly, in order to work well with someone or in order to overcome a conflict with someone, both parties need to put in the same amount of effort. It’s not enough for one person to do all the work.

Or so you may think.

Watch as Kim Ades, President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching, shares her unique spin on this old adage that many people live by.

Watch!

Does it Really Take 2 to Tango? - YouTube

Transcription:

Kim Ades: Many people believe that it takes two to tango.

At Frame of Mind Coaching, we believe that it doesn’t necessarily require two to tango.

If one person changes the steps in the dance, the dance changes.

So what does that mean?

When in a conflict with someone, many people think it requires both individuals to compromise.

That it requires both individuals to agree to change.

We suggest that if you change, the other person will either follow you or they will say, “I don’t like this dance” and they’ll leave.

Either way, you are dancing the dance that you want to be dancing.

It does not take two to tango.

It only requires one person.

When one person changes their steps, the entire dance changes.

Prior to coaching, many of our clients wonder, “Won’t my partner, my colleagues, my friends and my family need to be coached too in order for my coaching to be successful?” Our response to them is this…

When you begin to change through coaching – when you become more optimistic, more engaged, more confident, more decisive and more content – others will either come along for the ride or they will drop off the map. Those who are aligned with the new you will stay by your side, and those who have been holding you back will finally let you go.

Sign Up for FOM Coaching Content

Receive the latest news, updates and podcasts

Thanks! We look forward to connecting with you!

© 2019 Frame of Mind Coaching Inc. All Rights Reserved.



The post Does it Really Take 2 to Tango? appeared first on Frame of Mind Coaching™.

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