Today, my mom came home crying. I held her and asked her what was wrong. She told me that we are probably gonna have to re-home our two horses, which we’ve had for 10 years, due to her extensive medical bills. FML
Today me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard for soft food.
Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the chruch was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML
Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from sex god to just a dad. Idk either. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to get my medicine for my nausea because I am pregnant. I got the instructions and they're supposed to be placed in my rectum... my fiance openly read the instructions out loud and a older in the back guy said " Hey, now time to buy gloves! " FML
Today I pulled extra overtime so after a 17 hour workday I got home and decided to just collapse into bed fully clothed, only I had left my iPad on the bed near the pillow, so I heard three loud crunches as I broke my iPad screen, my only pair of glasses, and my nose all at the same time FML
Today, my wife started talking dirty during sex. I thought of a meme I saw about using your customer service voice for dirty talk and I laughed until I went soft. She's never done that before, so she thought I was laughing at her. She's still mad. FML