Phone in your hand, frustration setting in, and a blank screen blinking blazing white from the display.
Stop trying to text simply to elicit a response and play system. Before your fingers hit those keys—- just stop. Let’s backtrack a little bit and see where you started to go wrong. The good thing is — you still haven't completed ruined all chances.
Clearly what you’re doing isn’t working and unfortunately, this might be sabotaging your chances, so that’s where we swoop in and save the day. Before you reach for your phone again and try to solve it all before you get to the end of this article—think again. Be patient, we promise the time to read this will make it worth it.
Your phone chimes but it’s not the name you want to see. So what do you do to change this?
When at the start of a budding relationship, the reason he hasn't texted back yet could be a million different ones. Especially since you are still getting to know each other, you just might not know him well enough yet, so he might be busy working, with friends, focusing on something or, ultimately, he might not be interested. Although we never want it to be the last reason we have to remember, texting is rather new in history, especially in relationships, so there really isn't the “perfect” way to do it.
But there is hope! Here are a few tips when it comes to texting someone you're interested in:
1. Remember, texting isn’t a game to win. The mindset of winning is a silly one, in fact, texting only makes sense if you have something to say! If you are just trying to play games with someone or if you are looking to play with someone’s feelings through text, do something more worthwhile your time.
2. However, be wary of texting. Take control of your impulses. We know it’s easy to reach out but your game should be to remain a bit mysterious in the beginning. Make the guy work for it! Don’t let yourself be one of the women men complain about. Texting a lot and sounding desperate can definitely have a negative reaction.
Remember, at the end of the day— you are texting, not composing a letter or an essay for homework. Texting should be silly, funny, and not taken seriously!
If you're being frank and letting him know you're interested, you should compliment him in a text. Don’t go overboard with this, a simple “Hey handsome” will do the trick. Like we said before — keep it light. It’s not just women who love compliments.
The key to texting, no matter what you're saying, is to have a good vibe. Your vibe is your inner state of mind and will shine through in your words, even if they're on a message.
Your vibe comes from your mood, and it shows through in everything that you do.
It’s not something you can fake, which will become clear very quickly. Your vibe comes from how you genuinely feel in the privacy of your own mind – and no matter how you’re acting on the outside, your vibe will reflect how you feel on the inside.
A good vibe comes from a positive mood. If you feel good about yourself and your situation, your vibe is good. Let that shine through in your texts, while keeping it fun and lighthearted, and you're golden.
Abour Your Author: Erin Elizabeth is the Web Content Manager & Head editor at Vixen Daily, where she edits both beauty and love/dating/relationship content. Her passion is spreading love in its purest form; her guiding principle rests upon the idea that peace is better than war and attacking serves no purpose in our world. She also writes for various online media publications including but not limited to: Your Tango, Talkspace, Prevention.com, the Good Men Project & Zoosk.
By the time I was 23, I had given up on love. That might sound melodramatic, but it’s true. Already I’d had my heart broken once and been through an epically awful breakup. When it came to dating, I was done.
Taking myself out of the game made me feel safe. I decided that my chances were over, and it was better not to hope for love at all.
Yet at the time I made this resolution, I’d already met the man who would become my husband. At 23, I swore off love, and at 24, I was happily married.
What happened? The short version is, I learned to look at people differently. I gained confidence to see beneath the surface, to prize integrity over drama.
Without further ado, here are my top 5 ways to tell if the guy you’re dating is the real deal.
1. He treats other people with kindness and respect.
Notice that this is about how he treats others, not you.
While of course how he treats you is important, in the beginning of a romantic relationship both people tend to be on their best behavior towards one another.
It’s easy to get a great first impression, to fall in love with someone who treats you like royalty for a little while.
But if you want to know how this guy is going to treat you over the course of a lifetime, look at how he treats other people. Sooner or later, that’ll be you on the receiving end of that behavior.
A big part of why I fell in love with my husband was how he treated the adults with special needs who were our housemates at the time. He treated them with respect and dignity, and that meant a lot to me.
Is your guy’s tone harsh and cutting when he speaks to his parents? Is he rude to the waiter? To quote Dave Barry, “A person who is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person.”
2. He is patient.
Not to go all Biblical on you here, but there’s a reason that the first line of that popular passage in First Corinthians chapter 13 is, “Love is patient.”
Is the guy you’re dating patient? Does he bear with you when you forget your coat and need to run back, or does he scowl? Does he freak out during a subway delay, or does he make the best of it?
Patience is what enables you to bear with each other in your faults and foibles.
My husband was patient in his love for me. He took time getting to know me before making a move; he showed respect, so much so that at first I thought he wasn’t interested in me!
At the time I was much more familiar with guys who wanted the whirlwind romance. But when you find someone who’s worth your time, you’re willing to go at a steady pace.
3. He shows up on time.
This might sound minor, but it’s major. Showing up on time demonstrates respect for you and the kind of self-governance that will help you both in your life together.
If the guy you’re dating is always running late, it means that he doesn’t have a handle on his own commitments. Conversely, if he tends to show up when he says he will, that’s very promising.
4. He is willing to face reality head-on.
When we were getting engaged, my now-husband asked me, “What are your outstanding debts? Do you have any prior felony convictions?” I laughed, but he was dead serious.
He wanted to go into marriage with eyes wide open. He wanted to know how much I owed on my student loan, because he understood that paying it back was an effort we’d undertake together.
Look for indications that the guy you’re dating is willing to face reality, particularly in the area of finances. If he has no idea how much money he owes, that’s a problem. If he is paying down debt and budgeting and spending consciously, that’s great.
5. He supports your dreams in visible ways.
It’s easy to give lip service and play the supportive role: “Sure, of course you should go for that dream job!” What’s much harder is offering the kind of practical help that makes dreams reality.
So, ask yourself: does the guy I’m dating support my dreams in tangible ways?
Does he show up at your art gallery opening, or does he flake out? Does he encourage you to go to bed early before a big event, or does he subtly sabotage your success by begging you to stay up late?
When my husband suggested that we convert one of the rooms in the historic home he owned into a writing room to support my dream of authorship, I knew I was a fortunate woman.
“Everyday Life in Utopia”
I love this phrase from Gretchen Rubin’s book Happier at Home: Everyday life in utopia. If your guy is the real deal, that’s what you get to experience.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that your shared life will be perfect. You and your partner are human, so sometimes you’ll fight and get on each other’s nerves and forget to buy bananas at the grocery store.
Even people who are “the real deal” go through hard times. (Just last week, I had no bananas for breakfast. Come on!)
Seriously though, if you share enough of life with someone, you will go through some dark times. You will struggle. You will feel the truth of that great line from The Princess Bride: “Life is pain, highness, and anyone who says differently is selling something.”
And yet – if you choose someone who is the real deal – there will be so much goodness in store for you too. You will also get to look across the table at the guy you love and think: thank you, thank you, thank you.
That’s my wish for you: gratitude, and the confidence that comes with choosing well.
Caroline Garnet McGraw is the creator of the free video interview series The Confidence Course: How to Defeat Self-Doubt, Trade Perfectionism for Possibility, and Live Your Dreams.
It's a free crash-course in confidence from people who are giving back and playing big, and I’m honored to be one of the 33 all-star speakers!
The roster includes Olympic Gold medalist Samantha Arsenault Livingstone, #1 New York Times bestselling author and TED speaker Adam Grant, double-platinum, ARIA award-winning musician Ben Lee, and of course the owner of this website, Your EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein.
During this series on Dating, Relationships, and Confidence, you’ll learn …
The vital importance of showing up as the real you, which is the foundation of all confidenceWhy keeping a list of 5 essential qualities you're looking for can save you time and heartacheOne practical way to re-structure your requests for your partnerHow to shift your mindset from impressing people to really engaging with themThe mental hack that allows you to find common ground and let go of social anxietyAnd much more...
I remember in the early stages of my relationship with Kelly (my GF) we would go on long weekend trips away and have the most magical time ever. We would de-stress from work, have cocktails, go out to nice dinners, and just enjoy each other's company. However, we would come back on Monday and head to work.
I would go straight to full on work mode and totally focus on work. I wouldn't message her, call her, or really do anything because I was so focused on work.
If she didn't hear from me for a day or two it would drive her bonkers. She would be thinking, "WTF! We just had this magical weekend together, got so close to each other, and now that we are back into town Mike goes MIA. Why do men do this!!!!!???"
Well, I made a video that explains why and also what to do to get your manto come back. Check it out here:
So let's finish the discussion about Kelly and I. Should Kelly just accept that I don't talk to her or should I realize that Kelly wants to hear from me and start making the effort?
Well the answer is simple. Kelly and I needed to sit down and discuss each other needs. We also needed to be really curious about each other. For example, "Kelly, why do you want to hear from me?" "Well Mike, I felt like we just had the best time together and I really opened up to you and showed you my heart. However, when we come home and I don't hear from you, I wonder if 1. maybe you didn't have as good a time as me or you are starting to have 2nd thoughts about our relationship?"
In response, of course I would say, "I love our relationship and had the best time ever, thank you for sharing why you want to hear from me. I absolutely don't want you to feel that way and we will have to come up with a game plan for the future."
Next, it is Kelly's job to get curious with me. "Mike, I love how focused you are with work and really admire what you do. How come after a long weekend together I don't hear from you?"
My response. "I am sorry about that. I am a wildly singularly focused person. When I am with you, I am with you. When I am at work, I am working. When I get wrapped up in work, I guess it slips my mind to reach out to you."
In response, Kelly could say, "That makes total sense and I certainly don't want to bother you while working. However, you would make me feel so special if during a break you would shoot me a quick text or phone call to say hello."
Wowzers, how cool of a conversation was that? It came from a genuinely curious place and lead to both parties learning more about the partner. Instead of an escalated conversation where I could have said, "Ugh, I am working. Would you just leave me alone. I just spend 72 straight hours with you! Give me a break."
Or she could have said, "Mike, you never call me. I feel like all you care about is work. I wish you cared about me as much as you cared about work."
So what did we learn from all this?
GET CURIOUS! Any fight or argument is not really a fight. It is an opportunity to 1. learn how to express yourself better 2. a chance to learn more about your partner.
When you come from a place of curiosity and love, you and your partner will be able to find solutions that will be mindful of what both parties want.
Now, let's chat about why men pull away?
1. They crave independence
2. They crave completing tasks
3. Maybe the two of you just spent a lot of time together and he needs time away
Go have fun! When he comes back, don't give him shit. Instead say, "I am so happy to see you, get your but over here and give me a kiss." If you do this, he will be excited to come back to you and next time he needs space he will feel safe to come back and may also come back quicker knowing you will be receptive to see him.
Well, welcome into Kelly and I's relationship. I really got personal in this article, huh? Hope the advice helped because if Kelly finds this article I may get "the look." HaHa
It was Wednesday night in Manhattan, towards the end of summer, and the air was balmy. I was lying atop my bed, fully clothed, facing the guy I’d met online a few months prior. Tonight was our sixth date. We’d just got back from a delicious dinner at the Vietnamese place next to my apartment.
Six dates was no easy feat in New York. In my experience, budding romances tended to drop off around the two to four date mark. I was thrilled to have met a man who I wanted to continue getting to know, who liked me back. It was nice to lie quietly and comfortably next to him, belly full of Pho.
I told him that I was writing an article (this one), about messages that guys were really into, and asked if he had any ideas. To my surprise, he immediately recounted a handful of the messages I’d sent him that had struck a chord, and made him want to take things further. Here’s what they were:
1. COMPLIMENT HIM
I wrote: “You Seem Lovely”
Using the word ‘lovely’ was particularly British of me, but the main point is, he loved being complimented. What man doesn’t want to be told that he’s hot, funny, or has great hair? I get an especially high response rate online when I open a conversation by telling a guy how cute he looks in his pictures. Compliments make people feel good, and people always want more of what feels good.
Anything complimentary works, but make sure it’s genuine, and try not to overdo it. There’s no need to stop the compliments flowing when you start dating – flattery works wonders at all stages of relationships.
2. RAISE A SHARED INTEREST
I wrote: “Have you seen the Calder exhibition at the Whitney?”
One of his dating profile pictures was baseball related, which I knew nothing about, and another was at Storm King sculpture gallery – where I’d been, and loved. Rather than asking an obvious question (“so you like art”?), I made it specific. This conveyed that a) I also liked art, and b) I had new and exciting ideas. It also planted the seed for a fab second date…
Whether it’s a hobby you’ve picked up on from his online profile, or just something you know he’s into, bring it up. Ideally, choose something you’re also a fan of (or at least curious about), as you’ll have more to say about it. Not sure what his jam is? Ask him! He’ll be pleased you want to know.
3. DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE DIRECT
I wrote: “Here’s my number, lets go out”
This was his all time favorite message of mine. He loved that I took initiative, and didn’t wait passively for him to do the asking. It said that I was keen, a sure thing, and didn’t want to play games… it also implied that I had better things to do than to waste time (which I did).
Try throwing old-school stereotypes out the window and tell him you like him. Don’t hesitate to move things along to an in-person date – momentum is key. If he asked you out the first time, make the move to suggest date number two. If he’s feeling you, he’ll love the forwardness; if he’s not, it’s better to find out sooner. No matter what, he’ll be flattered.
4. SHOW YOU WERE LISTENING
I wrote: “Good luck with the presentation today”
He thought it was amazing that not only had I paid attention to his big upcoming presentation, but that I was sweet enough to send him a message the morning of. He said that this was one of the moments he knew he really liked me.
Make an effort to remember what he tells you, and proactively reference previous messages or face to face conversations. It shows that you listen, that you’re thoughtful, that you’re bright, and most importantly – that you care.
5. BUILD ANTICIPATION
I wrote: “I can’t wait to see you later”
Who wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of this message? He told me it conveyed that I was thinking about him, and was enthusiastic about our time together. It also suggested a sense of urgency and passion, which was hot.
This message can be adapted to incorporate just about anything you ‘can’t wait’ to do with him later – be as risque as you dare! Everyone loves something to look forward to…
When he relaid these five messages, at first I was underwhelmed. Was this not common sense? Apparently not. He said I’d be surprised how few love prospects ever messaged him this way. I wondered why…
My first hypothesis was that some women still think men should put in the upfront effort, and do all the message wooing. Well people; it’s 2017, and I think that’s plain lazy – not to mention it reinforces unhelpful, female disempowering gender norms.
My second hypothesis was that in today’s tech-heavy, fast-paced, choice-laden society, many don’t bother to communicate thoughtfully and consistently. Attention spans are shortening, and we are quick to move onto the next thing, or person. People just don’t have the patience to nurture new relationships via messaging.
I believe messaging can make or break a fledgling romance, and that sending considered, personal and positive messages is your best-chance approach. He will love any message that makes him feel special, interesting, heard, or desired. Wouldn’t you? Ensuring your zesty texts stand out in his inbox is a surefire ticket into love territory.
On that note, I’m off to write an important message… a suggestion for date number seven:
Hey handsome (1). Is the week as crazy as you feared? (4) I’m keen to pick up some cherries at the market you told me about (2). Free Saturday…? (3) Looking forward to seeing you again *insert blushing smiley face or cherry emoji here* (5).
Simple, right? Remember: a little effort goes a long way in the messaging universe.
About Your Author
Amelia is a British dating & lifestyle blogger, living her New York dream. Think Carrie Bradshaw but raunchier, and a lot more Jewish. Follow her blog, She Made the Move, for tempting tips on dating, eating and everything in between...
A relationship, like most other things in life, happens in stages.
Each one builds on the last and they are a vital part of getting to the ultimate goal of most relationships: a lifetime together.
Understanding what stage you're in is important because it can help you determine whether or not you are moving forward and perhaps whether you even want to.
Listed below are the five stages that couples go through.
1. The Honeymoon Stage
Once you get past online matchmaking and the first few awkward dates, you enter the first stage of a relationship. Often referred to as the puppy love stage, this is the least real part of any relationship.
That’s because your infatuation with this newfound person blinds you to their flaws. This is not your fault, however. It’s just nature’s way of getting two people together in order to ensure they lay proper foundations that will be crucial later on.
In this stage you will talk every day and perhaps see one another just as often. You will ignore some things that you dislike in favor of ensuring that your partner can remain on a pedestal for as long as possible.
This period generally lasts a few months...
2. The Post-Honeymoon Stage
...And then, suddenly, your partner begins to lose their luster. Of course, you still like them (and perhaps even “love” them), but you start taking notice of their flaws and the things they do to get on your nerves.
It’s also during this stage that you begin to realize how much work it takes to maintain a relationship.
This stage results in a lot of breakups because in it people begin to consider whether the person they’re with actually meets their needs and desires. Often times, despite a strong emotional connection, people realize that the relationship might be dying.
3. The Steady Stage
If you’ve made it to the steady stage, congratulations! The post-honeymoon phase is one of the most difficult to conquer and once you do it, it means that you’re ready for true romance.
No longer are you driven by your lust, but rather by a deep love for your partner. Instead of formal dates, you are okay with hanging out with each other at home, watching TV or just eating casual meals together.
During this stage you will probably meet the parents and know all of your partner’s friends, all of whom probably find your little ‘couple-y’ idiosyncrasies extremely annoying!
4. The Comfortable Stage
The comfortable stage is both pleasant and dangerous.
It’s the stage where you can just be yourself without hiding any of your quirks or habits. If you wear makeup, you’re probably no longer compelled to do so in front of your partner. Everything just clicks as it should and you feel like it can last forever.
But therein lies the danger. At this point in a relationship, people become content. They often take their partner for granted and might even stop considering their needs and future plans. This usually isn’t done intentionally, it’s simply a result of relationship satisfaction.
This stage concludes with the final stage...
5. The Commitment Stage
After all of that time and effort, you’re finally in a relationship that works so well that you begin considering the future.
For some couples that future might involve marriage, for others, it’s just moving in together. No matter what it is, it’s a sign of full commitment to your partner.
This is the final stage of your relationship as two people dating and the beginning of something perhaps even more complex, but ultimately, much more rewarding, meaningful, and - dare I say it - beautiful.
I would like to end this article by reminding the reader that no relationship follows a perfect timeline and that having expectations or desires to move something that is still immature or unready move forward can be unhealthy.
That said, keep an eye out for the signs and you will find that your relationship has likely followed these predictable, yet important and meaningful stages.
From Your EZ Dating Coach - Mike Goldstein
These stages are spot on for the typical relationship. However, one very important thing to note is that if you get to any stage and feel like you didn't adequately experience one of the prior stages it is okay to take a step or two backwards. Your path doesn't need to be a straight line and based on a specific time frame. Every relationship is different and every person is different so no relationship formula will work for everyone. Thus feel free to make it to stage 4 and then head back to stage 2 or start talking about things in stage 5 but if you realize you need more time to work on the relationship head back to stage 4.
Anyway, happy dating folks, be good to your partner!
About the Author
Pauline Plott is a London-based blogger who became a dating guru after learning the psychology behind modern romance and signing up for every dating website in pursuit of relationship bliss. She shares her reviews and opinions on DatingSpot.co.uk.
You met someone who you really feel like you can develop a connection with.
Maybe you even went on a few dates.
Both of you seem interested, texting back and forth for days.
And then, suddenly...
It’s something everyone dreads, but which is experienced all too often.
Ghosting is defined as the cessation of all communication suddenly and without explanation.
For most, it is devastating and downright rude.
So what should you do if it happens to you?
Here are my thoughts...
Why It Is Done
First, it is important to understand the psychology behind ghosting.
The action of ghosting is definitely not new, but the methods and the ease with which people can get away with it is.
Because we are so reliant on our technology for dating and relationship building it’s often difficult to gauge how someone really feels.
After all, text doesn’t generally express tone.
Often times, people use impersonal technological methods to figure out how they feel about an individual. Equally common is the person realizing they are no longer interested after a brief period.
In an effort to avoid their own emotional discomfort, they simply break away without the courtesy of letting you know.
The worst part is, most people have done it at some point, creating a culture where it is taboo and somehow acceptable all at once.
But Ghosting is not acceptable and those who regularly do it probably aren’t ready to be in a relationship.
What You Should Do
That is not to say that there is nothing you can do.
Quite the contrary.
There are many steps you can take not only to make sure the other party is ghosting you, but also to potentially elicit a response.
Here are six tips you should follow. No cheating!
1. Make sure you’re actually being ghosted.
Sometimes people just don’t have the time to send messages.
Perhaps they mentioned a hectic schedule ahead or even a planned vacation.
Don’t jump to conclusions about someone’s intentions before you confirm them.
2. Don’t freak out.
False accusations of ghosting can be instant relationship killers.
No matter how it may appear, there are often simple answers for seemingly strange behaviors.
One thing I highly recommend:
Try to avoid checking out their social media and doing other things that would be deemed “stalkery behavior.”
There is no reason to add fuel to the flames, especially if you’re still unsure.
3. Reach out in a calm and lighthearted way.
If you haven’t heard from someone in a while, the best way to initiate is playfully.
Being abrasive and harsh is never a good idea, especially if it turns out you’re not actually being ignored.
Start out by saying something like “Hey, long time no speak!” or something similar that won’t be taken out of context.
This indicates that you are aware that the other party is being distant, but you’re not worried about it or pressuring them.
4. Stop texting.
After reaching out once, you can try one more polite text.
If you don’t get a response, STOP.
Text bombing is a great way to show someone that you are needy and insecure. And nobody finds that attractive.
At this point, it’s a waiting game.
The other person will either respond and explain themselves… Or they won’t.
5. Don’t call.
After texting twice, you may be tempted to try something more dramatic.
Aside from the fact that if their phone is working, they definitely got your messages, calling is just another way to demonstrate your inability to cope with what is happening.
But more on that later.
6. Don’t speak to their friends.
If you have some friends in common, don’t pursue an answer from them.
Relationships are personal things and getting others involved is usually not a good idea. Especially in this situation.
The one situation where I would recommend asking is if they bring it up.
If someone asks you how a relationship is going, you can nonchalantly ask if they know something.
Getting Over It
If you find that you have, indeed, been ghosted, it is critical that you be proactive about getting over it.
The first thing to keep in mind is that you did not do anything wrong.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that it was our actions that caused someone to behave a certain way.
This is not the case and people are always responsible for the choices they make and the actions they take.
If you were being true to yourself in your conversations, it probably just means that they weren’t for you.
Once you come to that realization you can start moving on.
Go on some dates, do fun things, hang out with friends… It really doesn’t matter how you fill your time, as long as you are doing positive things.
If you want to post pictures on social channels that the other person is bound to see, go for it!
There is no use letting someone else control your emotions.
At least not publicly. :)
About the Author
Pauline Plott is a London-based blogger who became a dating guru after learning the psychology behind modern romance and signing up for every dating website in pursuit of relationship bliss. She shares her reviews and opinions on www.DatingSpot.co.uk.
"I don't want to be a nag." - Every Woman. "I don't want you to be a nag either." - Me
So every woman is terrified of being a nag. Rightfully so, because a woman that nags will send any man headed for the hills. But, a woman who sets boundaries can do it in a sexy way which will have men begging for more.Ready to learn how?
Watch this video:
So let's first understand why setting boundaries is going to enhance your relationships and then I will explain how to implement.
Men want women to make dating easier. What this means is men want women to give them a roadmap to their heart. If you tell him what you want, what you need, the guy that cares about you will do it. Now, many of you will say, "I don't want to tell him, I just want him to know." My response is "good luck." I am a professional dating expert and I can promise you I have no idea what my girlfriend wants on a random Tuesday. But, I love when she tells me, "I had a tough day today, will you give me a hug?"
This is the scariest part because your biggest fear is turning into the naggy woman. So let's talk about proper implementation and improper with some examples.
Improper - "You never call me. I feel so unimportant to you."
Correct - "You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you called me a few times a week. You are such a great guy, and I know you are busy at work but I would feel so special if you found a few minutes just to say "hi."
Let's go back to Why?
Why is setting boundaries so important. If you do not feel heard in the relationship eventually you are going to snap and either leave the guy, be unhappy in the relationship, or lash out by yelling at your guy who probably had no idea he was doing anything wrong.
On the flip side, men LOVE when women communicate what they need. Yes, the busy guy may initially not be so excited that he needs to stop work to give you a call a few times a week. But after some time he is going to crave it. He is going to look forward to the part of his day where he gets to take a break and catch up with his best friend and lover. However, you are never going to get this unless you ask for it and most importantly ask for it in the right way, coming from a place of happiness and how to become even happier, not a place of complaining and nagging.
So I will leave you with this. If men like when you set boundaries and obviously you would like to be true to yourself and speak your mind what are you waiting for? Stop sitting on the sidelines and build your perfect relationship! Remember, setting boundaries is sexy!
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Dating efficiently for women can be the most confusing process in the world. At first, I will tell you to go wild and message every man that makes sense for you. The next minute, I will say "do nothing and let him come to you." Any woman reading this should want to tear her hair out and say, "Mike! Make up your mind! Do I sit back or pounce?"
The answer is simple and can be broken down into two steps.
First, message every guy that looks good for you and yes ask these men on dates. Why should YOU, being the woman, ask him, being the man out? Because Men do not see you as a real live person until they meet you in person. Thus, you need to get to the date as fast as you feel comfortable. Once you are on a first date, he can fall in love with your beauty, get to know your personality and determine if he is interested in you and vice versa. But until he sees you, you might as well be a figment of his imagination. You do not exist. Thus, get your butt on the date if you don't want men to disappear online.
Alright, now that you are going on dates, how do you get a guy to chase you.
Well first, watch this video and I will show you.
Next, here are the 3 Steps To Make Men Chase You
STEP 1: Go On The Date - Well that was simple and straight forward! Well there is more to it. Dating should be fun, exciting, and exploratory. However, if you are looking to settle down sooner rather than later it also better be strategic. What do I mean by that? Before you go dating, build you perfect man list. This should be a laundry list of 20-40 items you want in the perfect man but narrowed down to your top 5. Now, during the date, you should be asking questions that hint at whether your date has your top 5 qualities. If he doesn't have your top 5, move onto the next guy. If he does have your top 5 and you enjoyed the date, proceed to step 2.
STEP 2: End Date The Right Way - Assuming your date has your top 5 and you have fun say this, "I just had the best date of my life with you. I really hope I get to see you again." You say that slowly and confidently. You drop the mic and you walk out.
STEP 3: Do Nothing - Do not text, call, or email. It is finally time for him to chase you. This step is so vitally important because it gives you all the information you need. If he calls/texts you in the next 72 (hopefully 48) hours, hopefully asking for another date then he likes you. If you don't hear from him than 98.5% of the time he doesn't like you. If you hear from him, he has your top 5 and you would like to see him again then agree to a 2nd date. If you hear from him and he doesn't have your top 5 then don't agree to 2nd date.
Finally, repeat STEP 3 after every single date until you are exclusive. It is important once he knows you are real that he comes after you.
Wait! I forgot the most important part. Do not have sex with him until you are exclusive. He must chase you and chase you and chase you until he wants to lock you down. He will want exclusivity for a few reasons:
1. He thinks you are fantastic
2. He wants to finally have sex with you
3. He is convinced he has found a prize that few men could have earned - He only feels this way if you don't have sex with him. If you have sex with him on date 2, whether it is true or not he will assume you do this with every guy. Thus, he is NOT special. And, if he is not special, then you are not special in his eyes.
Alright ladies. Let's break down one more time so we are crystal clear. First, message every guy possible and be aggressive to be all your competition and land a date with the best guy possible. Next, end the date like a rock star by complimenting how awesome the guy is and how much fun you had. Finally, do nothing and find out if he likes you by him finally reaching out to you. If you do this process over and over again, you will find an amazing guy who is going to chase you for a lifetime.
We are dealing with an epidemic in today's world. The epidemic is effecting both men and women. The epidemic has positive aspects but also has some negative aspects. Let's talk about this epidemic. The epidemic is that women have entered the work force and they are kicking butt. This is great because, smart women helping companies, means more profit and better products. But this is bad because women are often asked to act like men while at work. This process can be exhausting. Women come home and they are tired and sometimes have a difficult time of transitioning back into their normal state of acting like a female.
So what happens when a woman acts like a man? The woman is fiercely independent, does everything herself, but lacks receiving support. When a woman doesn't receive support, she doesn't feel whole.
What happens to men when women are super independent. They no longer feel needed. Let's dive into this. Back in the day, men used to hunt, slay dragons, and other manly things that involved protecting their women. Now, men don't get to slay dragons and thus need to find new ways to protect. One hundred years ago, men were typically the only income provider and thus felt satisfaction in bringing home the bacon. However, now women are also working and they no longer get to feel needed in regards to providing financial security.
So what does all this mean?
1. Gender lines are being blurred at home and at work and both sexes are confused
2. Women are exhausted
3. Men don't feel as useful as they used to
How do we fix these problems?
Before we solve the problem. Let's define the three types of confident woman. Best described in this video:
Three Types of Confident Women:
1. I Can't Do Anything Woman - Lacks Confidence
2. I Can Do Everything Woman or Anything He Can Do, I Can Do Better - Remember the Mia Hamm vs. Michael Jordan commercials? This woman is super woman and literally can and will do everything. This could be the single mom, this could be the single woman with the big career, fancy car and house, and amazing family.
3. I Can Do Everything But I Ask For Help Too - This woman is enlightened, smart, and truly gets it. This woman realizes we have an epidemic. She realizes that when she does everything herself she will be exhausted. But, instead when she asks a man for help, she gets two birds with one stone. She gets her man to feel needed and she alleviates her own stress of having to do everything. She feels supported.
So back to how do we fix the epidemic?
Simple. Women need to get comfortable asking for help. They need to ask for help, not because they need it, but because men need it and quite frankly wouldn't it be awesome to have your guy help you with things?
Let's talk examples so you can start executing immediately.
Let's say you go grab a coffee with your guy but you forgot to get sugar. I can do everything woman would just go get herself. But, I ask for help too woman would say, "would you mind getting me two packs of sugar."
Guy feels needed and says, "sure."
He comes back and you say, "Thank you so much, you are so great at taking care of me."
GUY FEELS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS AND ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL AT BEING A
BOYFRIEND. (Man's largest insecurity is always being a crappy boyfriend)
If you are consistently telling him he is doing a good job that is the equivalent of him telling you, "wow you look amazing in those jeans."
To recap, if you really want to take strength and confidence to the next level, it is not doing everything yourself. It is getting your man to do things for you even though you are more than capable of doing it yourself.
I remember when I was a 15 year old boy, and yes I will use the word boy even though I supposedly turned into a man at age 13 (Bar Mitzvah) I got my dating advice from my close friends. My closest friend, Joe, would always tell me that you can't be nice to women. You need to command them, put them down, and show your raw dominance over them. At the time I had to think his words had merit because he always seemed to do very well with women. (Obviously, later in life I learned he was full of shit) Anyway, him and I would partner up and head to the mall to hit on women.
One of us would approach, typically taking turns to initiate conversation. Once we thought the women were receptive to having a conversation, we would both talk to them. Joe would dominate conversation and would make fun of me. I would pretend to be sad, one woman would comfort me while the other woman would laugh. The girl that would laugh would be Joe's, while the woman that was sympathetic would be mine. This strategy worked quite well and suited our personalities.
However, obviously this "routine" was not entirely genuine and of course did little in terms of building a true connection and facilitating actually getting to know each other. Thus, this strategy would need to evolve.
Anyway, I probably told this story because it made me feel nostalgic of the fun of hitting on strangers at a mall. But, why is this story valuable for you? It shows that advice from friends can be good and/or bad. In this case, my friend's advice, in the short term of picking up women was probably half decent. But, in the long term, including karma, and building true intimacy, it was disingenuous and not helpful for me or the women I courted.
So, in order to help you decide if your friend's dating advice is any good, I have decided to over generalize but put your friends into two buckets: "Yes" Friends and "Guardian" Friends:
1. The "Yes" Friend - The yes friend simply tells you whatever you want to hear. You get a bad haircut, she tells you, "Wow, I love your haircut. You look amazing!" You have a boyfriend or potential boyfriend that you like and clearly doesn't treat you how to deserve to be treated the yes friend says, "Yea, you are right, give him a second chance." The yes friend is a valuable friend for boosting your ego and having less stressful conversations but she is not a person to get advice from. (At least if you are looking for a honest opinion)
2. The "Guardian" Friend - The guardian friend is 1. your protector and 2. holds you accountable when you do something wrong. This friend has probably known you for a long time and when she sees a current/potential boyfriend not treating you well, you better believe she is going to tell you about it. When the guardian speaks, you better at least listen because she truly has your best interests at heart.
However, in regards to YOUR relationship. It is your decision. My advice is don't rate the quality of the guy, rate the quality of the relationship. If he treats you well, move forward, if he doesn't treat you well, demand better and if he gives you better, awesome! If he doesn't, maybe it is time to move on.
Bottom line, it is okay to listen to all you friends and even listen to the words you find on the internet. But, at the end of the day, you decide what advice is right for you. Some advice will be applicable and helpful, while other advice will not be helpful. Either way, trust yourself and do the best you can. If things with a current boyfriend are meant to be, they will be. If they are not meant to be, that is fine too.
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