I don’t know if I should have sex. Over a six-month period he’s broken up with me on 4 occasions due to my celibate status. I am recently divorced, but a practicing Catholic observing chastity and trying to date. Currently the guy I am in love with is demanding fellatio under the guise that it is not sex. I love him so much, but I’m uncomfortable. I also feel disrespected for him ask for this as our first sexual encounter. For starters, I am not good at it and I worry that he is taking advantage. I am scared to dissent you see. He is putting a lot of pressure on me and only talks around this subject if he texts back at all. I am doing all the pursuing apparently and its been via texts where I’m practically begging for us to retain at least some form of friendship if nothing else. I feel lost without him. I bought your recent book and am hoping to use these new skills to turn things around. It helped get him back because a month ago he disappeared, yep! He swore never to reply my texts or calls ever again and told me to move on with my life. I don’t know if his demands for sex are normal or if I need saving. Please help!
You are a practicing Catholic who is observing chastity.
That is your prerogative and no one can really argue with one’s religious stance.
But what I don’t get – and have never really gotten – is why people who choose to be celibate are surprised when people who are NOT celibate want to have sex?
Of COURSE they want to have sex.
YOU probably want to have sex, too, but you believe that God forbids it.
This means you’re at an impasse and are at a fork in the road where you can choose only one path. Either stick with your vow of celibacy or have sex. There’s not a right or wrong.
It seems you’re investing a lot of time in dead-end relationships that will ultimately lead to this moment, instead of seeking out other chaste, religious men who are on the same page and respect your chastity. Sounds to me like a painful, predictable outcome and a serious waste of time and energy.
So, since you came here for advice, take this to heart:
You shouldn’t be begging to be friends with someone who ignores and disregards you.
Dump your boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to pursue a man who is committed to you. You shouldn’t be committed to a man who doesn’t return your texts. You shouldn’t be begging to be friends with someone who ignores and disregards you.
Get into some form of therapy. Or at least join Love U to learn how to act with confidence, set healthy boundaries, and put your energies into good men who act with kindness and consistency. The worst part of your story isn’t about sex; it’s about how poorly you’re allowing yourself to be treated in the name of “love.”
Think logically. That sounds more patronizing than I want it to, but the math here is pretty simple:
You’ve got a “boyfriend” who never reaches out to you and is telling you to move on with your life. All he wants is a blow-job.
You’re a practicing Catholic who has taken a vow of celibacy.
And your biggest question is how to get this guy back and whether you should break your vows for him?
Girl, please. Your boyfriend sucks. You shouldn’t.
Either stick with your vows and find a man who feels the same way about sex (3% of men) OR enjoy sex with a non-celibate man (97% of men) who is committed to you.
No matter what you do, it’s better than compromising yourself for such a poorly fitting partner.
The study, conducted with the help of an online dating site and over 186,000 users, points out what should seem obvious to anyone with a modicum of self-awareness:
“Three-quarters, or more, of people are dating aspirationally…and users of online-dating sites spend most of their time trying to contact people “out of their league.”
Most online-dating users tend to message people exactly 25 percent more desirable than they are.
So when you make the pithy observation that every guy you write to doesn’t write back, while you ignore every loser who dares write to you, you’re merely codifying what long-time observers already suspected but never measured until now.
“Most online-dating users tend to message people exactly 25 percent more desirable than they are.”
Sorry if you find that statement offensive.
“Who’s to say what’s “desirable?” Different people have different tastes! How dare you make value judgments like this?”
Alas, this is no value judgment. It’s pure economics and supply/demand.
“Your specific desirability rank would have been generated by two figures: whether other desirable people contacted you, and whether other desirable people responded when you contacted them. If you contacted a much less desirable person, their desirability score would rise; if they contacted you and you replied, then your score would fall.”
The piece further goes on to outline other unfortunate things you’d suspect if you’ve ever dated online:
Men initiate 80% of first emails. Women only write back to less than 20%.
White men and Asian women are consistently more desired than other users, while black women rank anomalously lower.
Men’s desirability peaks at age 50. But women’s desirability starts high at age 18 and falls throughout their lifespan.
Almost no one messages users less desirable than they are.
Young, attractive women in urban areas have a completely different online dating experience than the rest of us. The most popular individual, a 30-year-old woman living in New York, received 1504 messages, the “equivalent to one message every 30 min, day and night, for the entire month.”
I’m 36 and he’s 38. We both want to get married and have kids. He finished grad school 2 years ago and so he’s only been working in his new profession for 2 years. He was doing odd jobs before that and so he doesn’t have any savings, but he does have student loans. I’ve been working and saving for 15 years and I’m finally in a place professionally where I’m making OK money for the first time in my life. I don’t have a lot, but I’ve been carefully putting money aside, while also helping my mother out. While I’m not crazy about the fact that my boyfriend has no money saved and actually owes thousands of dollars, I love him very much and I accept this fact about him. He’s had life experiences that have made him the man who I love today. I am more interested in how he’s going to move forward with his life from this point on. But here’s where I don’t see him being proactive and I’m not sure how to handle it or how poorly it bodes for our possible future together.
As I said, I’m already 36 and if we are to wait another 1.5 years until we get married (as you recommend) I’ll be almost 38 and kids will be around the corner. We’ve talked about about this timeline for marriage and kids (if we decide that we want to be together) and we’ve started talking about our finances and his career plan for the next 3 years. He says that he could make about 20% more in his next job, which would be life-changing for him. He’d be able to pay off his loans far more quickly, get far more affordable health-insurance, be able to work on exciting new projects. Maybe we’d even be able to go on vacation in Europe instead of just dreaming about it! But so far it’s just been talk.
I’m not a therapist, but based on what he’s told me, I think part of the reason that he’s dragging his feet is because he’s conscious of his age and feels embarrassed by the fact that he’s 38 and looking for a lower-level job in his field. I have told him that people change careers all the time. I feel that I can help bolster his confidence and I am happy to do it–my last boyfriend did that for me and his confidence in me really helped me take the next step I needed to in my own career. But my question is how do I create a supportive environment and make him feel totally accepted, while also making sure that I get what I need–which is seeing that his is doing what he needs to do to help create the conditions for us to start a life together? I know that men don’t like to be pressured (who does??) and I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, but I need see that he’s serious about moving ahead professionally, both for his own sake and for ours. But I also want him to feel motivated on his own.
Sorry that was long and a little convoluted. I don’t want to sabotage this great relationship because I’m scared of investing precious time into a relationship that may not pan out. But I also want to be clear with him about what my expectations are. And yet I know that some things need time to play out. I am struggling with how to balance these things.
Thank you for all your sound advice and ample wisdom!
Flip the genders and you have a pretty similar picture of my relationship a decade ago.
I was 36 and was finally starting to make and save money.
My girlfriend was 38 and $40,000 in debt.
I was taking control of my life as an entrepreneur.
She was working at the same company for 14 years without health insurance, making less than 60K/year.
That’s the simplistic view, anyway. In reality, everything is more nuanced. My wife’s debt was largely the result of a divorce where she received no alimony because her ex lost his job, and the fact that she took $15,000 advance on her credit card to help her best friend who was facing eviction. In other words, my girlfriend wasn’t a profligate spender; she was just in a bad situation.
Her job, while not lucrative, offered a comfortable work environment with women she loved and incredible five-star travel perks.
Once I accepted who she was – my favorite person on the planet – we could start building our future together.
Even so, my default was to be critical. After all, I’d never accrued a dollar of credit card debt. I’d never work at a company without greater financial upside and insurance. But here’s the thing: my girlfriend was a great human being who was content with her life choices. She didn’t need a prestigious job or aspire to greater things. That was MY narrative and I had to consciously not impose it on her. Once I accepted who she was – my favorite person on the planet – we could start building our future together.
For us, it was me, paying for everything for nearly 3 years while she paid down her own debt to get back to even and clear her credit.
For you, it will be determining if you’re content with a husband who may not be a worldbeater, but is a wonderful man in every other way. If, in fact, he aspires to a job where he makes 20% more, it’s within his reach, and you believe in him, I see no reason for you to abandon ship.
It sounds to me like a good heart-to-heart is necessary – the equivalent of reading him the letter you just wrote to me. You don’t want to pressure him. You don’t want to offer ultimatums. You don’t even want him to change. You just want to know that if you’re investing your future in him that you want the same things out of life, which includes a greater level of financial stability. If, after he tells you that he’s on the same page, he continues to drag his feet instead of getting his ass in gear, you’ll know who he really is.
And THAT’s the point where you’ll have a real decision to make.
Why Do Some Guys Want You To Commit Right Away? - YouTube
You know how it feels. You’re on a first date and he’s looking at you with stars in his eyes. He’s telling you how attracted he is. How strongly he feels. How you could be the one. He wants to know if you’re seeing anybody else.
And you’re like, “Um, can I just eat my Caesar salad first?”
Why would an otherwise normal, well-adjusted man turn into a puppy dog the second he’s around you?
Watch this video and you’ll see – it may not be attractive, but it’s pretty darned common to lose your cool when you’re smitten.
Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in America
“Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in America, according to new data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In fact, nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were diagnosed in the U.S. in 2017, surpassing the record set in 2016 by more than 200,000.”
“The United States continues to have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world,” said David Harvey, executive director of the National Coalition of STD Directors.
Make America Great Again, I guess?
The article suggests many factors in this rise, which are all logical and hard to measure.
Less frequent condom use.
The ignorance of both doctors and patients to get screenings and tests.
The ability of people to survive HIV diagnoses.
A decline in funding for state and local agencies working on prevention. (Damn that government intervention!)
And, of course, everyone’s favorite punching bag, dating apps, which make getting laid as easy as swiping right.
Maybe it’s because I’m a Jewish hypochondriac (not really, but I’m not one of those guys who refused to go to the doctor), however I was so afraid of accidentally impregnating someone that I’ve only had unprotected sex with 3 women in my entire life.
Hell, I had one girlfriend who shamed me for being SELFISH for insisting that I use condoms although she was on the pill.
So, on a strictly personal level, I don’t understand why so many are willing to take the risks of both disease and pregnancy – especially given the severity of the consequences.
I know “it feels better,” to go bareback but really? Syphilis? Gonorrhea?
Your thoughts, on unprotected sex and the consequences thereof, are greatly appreciated.
I am so discouraged by online dating. Seems after 1-2 exchanges, men get vulgar and aggressively sexual. If you retreat, they call you uptight and dump you. I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing or saying. I’m left feeling drenched in ick.
To say I have thoughts about online dating would be the understatement of the year.
Every day, I listen to women complain about the realities of 21st century dating – and their complaints are 100% valid.
Online dating was ALREADY shallow when I was doing it from 1997-2007.
Then Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and CoffeeMeetsBagel happened and the only vestiges of depth – longer profiles and longer email exchanges – were removed, leaving a fast, frictionless medium where everyone is judged on looks and everyone is disposable.
Contrast that to a time when men went out to a party and spent the entire night trying to procure one woman’s phone number written on a napkin, and yeah, we’re in a different time right now. One where everyone is overscheduled, texting ten people, and looking for any reason to dismiss the next stranger.
You are mistaken if you draw the conclusion that online dating is a pure waste of time.
It’s not just icky men either, although they are disturbingly prevalent. I have friends who are so fed up with flaky women from dating apps – women who bail in the middle of a text exchange, women who cancel plans at the last minute without explanation, women who are so busy as to be virtually unbookable.
These men, too, are at wit’s end (without the dick pics).
So while you’re not wrong that the entire endeavor can feel pretty demoralizing, you are mistaken if you draw the conclusion that online dating is a pure waste of time.
It’s not. And it’s not even debatable.
Every new client who tells me she hates online dating, gets offered a proposition.
“I don’t care about online dating,” I say, her ears perking up. “I’m a dating coach. All I care is that when we talk on the phone every other week, you’re going to have stuff going on. So, if you can guarantee me that you’re going to have at least one date every single week for us to talk about, you can completely skip online dating.”
I’ve never had anyone take me up on my offer.
Unless you’re 25, attractive and in a very social, population dense place, online dating is a mandatory supplement for “real life.”
Put another way: if you go on one date a month without online dating, you have 12 chances of finding love each year. If you go on one date a week doing it my way, you have 52 chances of finding love each year. It should seem obvious that online dating is a presence that should be readily maintained, just like a gym membership or a yoga practice.
But what about how much it SUCKS?
Yeah, I know. But that’s what I’m here for. I’m not going to change men, Tinder, your location, or anything that’s beyond my control. But I can help you write a killer online dating profile that attracts higher quality men. I can teach you how to flirt with men on and offline. I can illustrate how to schedule your time so that you control online dating instead of it controlling you. I can show you a method to lead guys from the dating site to a first date without getting stuck in endless texts. I can show you how to differentiate yourself from all the other women he’s talking to and make him choose YOU.
Alas, I can’t do it if you give up.
So if you want to find love, you don’t meet enough guys in real life, and want to do something different to get different results, please click here.
I’ve been fortunate to have had thousands of success stories, but, believe it or not, my greatest satisfaction doesn’t come from client weddings.
My purest joy comes from witnessing women grow and gain confidence, so that they are empowered to make better relationship choices on their own, without further coaching.
Getting married is just a byproduct of that process.
So try to imagine my thrill when I received this email the other morning:
I have, just this morning, gotten out of a four-week relationship. I met Sam right at the holidays and we clicked. Had a wonderful New Year’s. Had wonderful dates. This morning, he packed his overnight case and left my place…and I am more than okay with that.
For the first time in my life, I dated with confidence, understanding, giving, tolerance, and complete acceptance. And you know what? It didn’t work with this guy. But I feel good because I did everything you teach in your posts and books and everything you taught me when we worked together every other week.
So what happened? Quite simply, he imploded with insecurity. He didn’t like himself very much and he couldn’t fathom how someone like me could possibly be interested in him. He did not understand what I saw in him. And really, he did need quite a lot of reassurance. He did not have much going on in his life. No friends here–even though he moved here 3 1/2 years ago. No real activities other than solo bike riding. Didn’t know how to cook a thing. Didn’t know to help with clean up. Was fairly passive and not proactive. Was shy in social situations. Didn’t read or travel much. Worked from home so didn’t have a lot of social interaction. More of an introvert.
But I saw a sweet, sensitive man, who had a good heart. He had a nice sense of humor and was handsome to me even though he was pretty short. And when we talked, it felt easy and comfortable. I went for quality things, rather than superficial things. And I am proud I did. Because not only did I focus on feeling good around him, rather than his bank account, I really accepted him as he was.
Even though he was more introverted, I did not jump in and take over. I hung back and let him lead, even though he was slow to do so. I did nothing and then said “yes”. Now I have learned something even more valuable that you have spoken of yourself: You cannot love someone who doesn’t love himself. You cannot have a happy relationship with a person who is not a happy person.
So when he imploded this morning into a mess of “I’m not good enough for you”, “You’ve been too generous and giving to me”, I recognized it for what it was – his excuses to not deal with his own self. When he stormed around and said he was going to go, I let him go. I have no heartbreak or sadness. I felt surprisingly relieved when he left, and so darned good about how I did all of this so differently! I actually did the “Accept him in totality” thing and the “Do nothing and let him lead” thing. It feels good that I accomplished that.
As a result, even though I’m still single, I feel even more assured in my ability to find a quality man (although now I will look for someone that seems happy with himself too). I got back onto Match an hour after he left, and sent an email to a guy I had loosely emailed with over a month ago. We had talked about meeting, then I turned it down due to meeting Sam. He replied right away and asked me to lunch today. I am surprised, but pleased too.
Thank you for teaching me how to date with confidence, and to be giving and accepting in total. Even though Sam was the wrong guy, I know how much I did it right this time – and that has made me feel relieved he exited, not at all down or discouraged. If anything, I feel super encouraged.
Let me ask you: have you EVER sounded this positive after a break-up?
I doubt it.
If you’re like most women, immediately after a breakup, you probably:
Got really angry with the guy.
Got really angry with yourself.
Questioned your judgment in choosing men.
Spent a lot of time venting about men and dating in general.
Wondered if there were any quality guys out there.
Decided to take a semi-permanent hiatus from men and dating.
That’s not what Elaine did.
Because Elaine was a Love U Masters coaching client, she had a much more positive and effective reaction to her disappointing four-week courtship.
She knew she did the best she could do.
She saw the writing on the wall within the first month.
She let him go and didn’t turn back.
She didn’t beat herself up for a moment.
She got right back online and procured a date in less than an hour.
That’s how it’s done. And if you don’t navigate dating the way Elaine does, this is your big opportunity to learn how.
In Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of Your Past, Embracing the Present and Dating with Confidence – I will help you drop your negativity, overcome your fear of being hurt, and bring your best self to dating – thereby attracting a high quality men in the process.
Believe in Love is a 240 page ebook, a 6 hour audio, a 65-page workbook, and three hours of bonus coaching calls.
This special opportunity is only good through tomorrow night at 11:59pm, so act now!
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. Here’s another reader on why it’s so important for you to believe in love:
I am twice divorced (2 marriages under 5 years each) and have been dating for 12 years, hoping to find theright person to go the distance with, but always picking the wrong ones in the end. I am going to be 50 this year, on long-term disability and I really would like to have a supportive love partner, not just a casual hook-up or short-term relationship.
I had originally heard you speak on a Love Summit last summer and loved your humor and frank advice. I signed up for your blog & newsletter then purchased Why He Disappeared and Why He Disappeared Online. After continuing to absorb your advice, I joined FOCUS Coaching during your 5-year Anniversary and participated in the calls & Forum. From there, I purchased your e-Cyrano profile writing package and Finding The One Online and Believe in Love. So, I’ve literally been eating, breathing & sleeping EMK info for about 9 months, all the while continuing to date several men I met both online & while out.
I met 4 guys in January and continued to follow your advice such as the 2/2/2, mirroring, don’t overthink, being the CEO of my own company, waiting until I had a boyfriend to sleep with anyone (a major mistake in my past), giving guys who I might never consider a chance and letting them know how much I appreciated them after each date, but being honest if I just didn’t feel we were a match.
Happily, I felt a great connection & energy with one particular man (Andy). After following all your steps, I had myself a boyfriend after 2 months. He is sweet, caring, giving, thoughtful, sexy and we laugh like crazy. He is also Jewish (I’m Christian), shorter than me when I wear heels (he’s confident & it doesn’t bother him) and a bit OCD with neatness (a first for me with a man). Would I have considered him prior to finding you and all of your great advice? Probably not! So, I have learned to let go of what you think you MUST have and go with the person that makes you FEEL the best. We are now at the 3 and a half month mark and going strong. He has asked me to go to Italy with him in the fall and is constantly “future-talking.” I am hoping that this eventually ends the way I want it to – marriage!
I am constantly quoting “Evan-speak” to my girlfriends who are dating. They tell me I should start my own relationship blog for dating advice to women. I just refer them to your website because I can’t take the credit!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Evan!
Jean has been eating, breathing, and sleeping EMK info for 9 months and turned it into a boyfriend who is taking her to Italy and talking about a future.
Wouldn’t you like to feel that kind of love and devotion?
If you already know you want to take advantage of my 10th Anniversary special for $50 off “Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of Your Past, Embracing the Present and Dating with Confidence,” click hereand put in coupon code BIL50.
This is your perfect chance to save money and feel optimistic about love once again.
As you learned the other day, I have been married for ten years and I’ve been coaching for fifteen. And I’ve put a LOT of thought into what I’m about to share with you below, so please, pay close attention:
There are four states of being when it comes to relationships:
Happily Single, Unhappily Single, Happily Coupled, and Unhappily Coupled.
If we were to rank them, from worst to best, I think most people would conclude:
Worst: Unhappily Single/Unhappily Coupled
Middle: Happily Single
Best: Happily Coupled
While we can argue about whether it’s better to be miserable alone or miserable with a partner, we can’t debate two things:
Whether it’s better to be happy than unhappy.
Whether it’s better to be in love or alone.
The jury is in. The tribe has spoken.
Pretty much all of us would rather share a fun, passionate, safe, stable, long-term relationship than to just be happy alone with our work, friends, pets and hobbies.
There’s nothing really controversial about this idea until you start to dig into it and see how we don’t necessarily live our lives according to this calculus. To wit:
If Happily Coupled is better than Happily Single, why do you try to convince yourself that you’re actually happier alone?
Take a second. Think about it.
If you’ve ever told yourself the lie that you’d rather be alone, what you’re REALLY stating is that you’d rather be Happily Single than Unhappily Coupled.
And who could blame you? Anyone freshly out of a bad marriage or toxic relationship would not want to repeat that experience again.
Alas, what you haven’t done is consider the third choice: Happily Coupled!
Interesting, isn’t it?
Basically, if you – like the rest of us – have experienced nothing but failure in the realm of relationships, your mind takes a shortcut: in order to avoid the pain of getting heartbroken, you don’t even consider the possibility that you can create an easy, joyous relationship.
You create a false dichotomy between being alone and getting devastated, when the third choice – Happily Coupled – is actually the most desirable outcome.
In other words, you live your entire life in fear of the worst-case scenario, and therefore, handicap your ability to achieve the best-case scenario.
After hearing thousands of women complain how there are no good guys, how men only want one thing, how impossible it is to find a quality relationship-oriented man, I created an entire program around one question: why you should believe in love.
Believe in Love is laid out in 7 easy steps:
Let Go of Your Past
Set Realistic Expectations
Defeat Your Fear of Failure
Reframe Your False Beliefs
Carry Yourself with Confidence
Take Action Now
Each step is around thirty pages long and comes with a few short exercises to help you rewire your mind and get all the tools you need to create lasting love.
Wait — Reading? Exercises? Tools? Why so much work? You just want Mr. Right to knock on your door with a diamond ring – to get happily married without any dating, risk, time or emotional vulnerability.
Sorry, but that’s not how it works.
Praying for a man will not deliver you a man. God isn’t Federal Express.
Not looking for love means only that you will not find love.
No dates means no opportunities for you to make a lasting connection.
Focusing all your attention on work, travel, family, and hobbies means only that you’ll reach the very middle of human happiness: happily single.
Which is to say that until you Believe in Love, you will never be Happily Coupled.
You will never achieve your peak happiness.
You will never have your husband greet you with an egg white omelet and fresh-squeezed orange juice on Saturday.
You will never have your husband surprise you with a weekend away in Vegas and two tickets to Cirque du Soleil.
You will never have your husband comfort you after a hard day at work in which he listens to you vent, draws you a warm bath, and hands you a glass of red wine.
You will never have your husband make you laugh until your sides split while you’re driving to buy groceries for your dinner party.
You will never have your husband give you three screaming orgasms and fall asleep spooning you until the following morning.
You will never have your husband provide you with love, support, and companionship that good men routinely give their wives – a date to every wedding, a shoulder to cry on for every funeral, a best friend for everything in between.
In short, you will never reach the heights of what’s possible in life.
You deserve to be that happy, but it won’t happen if you convince yourself that your only choices are to be unhappily coupled or single forever.
There is a third way – a better way to live life – and I’m going to help you get there.
To celebrate 10 years of wedded bliss to my wife (after nearly giving up on love myself six months before meeting her), I am offering you my favorite program, “Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present and Dating with Confidence,” for $50 off of the $147 retail price.
Believe in Love contains an eBook, a workbook, an audio, three value-added bonuses and a 30-day 100% money-back guarantee.
This sale only lasts through Sunday, November 4th at 11:59pm PST, so act now.
I can’t wait to hear how much better you feel when you’ve gone through my 7 steps and can say, how much more confident you feel about your relationship prospects.
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. Elizabeth is a former client who sent me this email just this morning. I think it’s a perfect reminder of why you need to “Believe in Love.”
I so enjoyed reading all of your materials. Even at the time, I recognized I was learning a lot, and more importantly, gaining a new perspective on how to approach dating again after my 15-year marriage ended. I had to kiss a few more frogs that year, but don’t worry – there is a happy ending to this story!
Almost exactly two years later, I met a wonderful guy on Match by following what I learned in your programs. He pursued me from the start, has always treated me wonderfully, and very quickly he became my best friend and the love of my life. And almost exactly three years later, I am writing to say that we are engaged to be married in July of this year. I have others to thank, of course, including good friends who gave good advice. But Evan, I really feel you deserve the largest share of the thanks for creating and maintaining a truly wonderful program that helps us get out of our own way so we can actually enjoy dating and relationships again. I especially appreciate how you have made your materials accessible to people from all walks of life so there’s something available for everyone who is open to learning.
So now I finally understand what you have said about how worthwhile it is to keep trying and never give up on finding love. If this 50 year-old divorced woman can do it (and I know you work with people of all ages) then pretty much anyone else can do it to, if they set their minds to it.
Anyway, I hope this email reaches you, with my sincere thanks and best wishes for health and happiness to you and your lovely family,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now. We have been talking about buying a house together for 3 years now and every time we see something, he backs out. Because of financial reasons he always says, but he can buy a house on his own. A few months ago, we both found a house we loved, until his mother got involved. He backed out again. Now all of a sudden, he isn’t ready to live together and wants to wait another year.
I don’t know what to do with this?
I hate this shit. I really do.
Just this morning, I was on the phone with a potential client, and I knew exactly how the rest of the hour would play out.
She’d tell me about a man she loves who is not making her happy.
I’d let her know that she should find another man.
She would explain that she didn’t come to me to break up, but rather, wanted me to fix her broken relationship with a selfish, emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic man.
I’d tell her that the selfish, emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic man wasn’t changing and that if she ever wants to find lasting love, she needs to look forward, not try to repair things from the past that are way beyond her control.
She’d defend herself and defend her boyfriend and explain how it’s not that bad
I’d explain that women in happy relationships NEVER call dating coaches.
I’d further explain that in 15 years of doing this, I’ve NEVER had a woman come to me with a broken relationship and end up repairing it to live happily ever after. NEVER.