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I started e-Cyrano online dating profile writing in 2003.

We were written about in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and hundreds of other publications. 

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

The story was juicy. Online dating was going mainstream for the first time, and specialists were popping up to serve a growing population.

I came up with the idea when I took my George W. Bush $300 tax credit and used it to have a professional resume writer take a crack at my resume (even though I was a writer). Next thing I knew, I was working for JDate in 2002 and saw the same lame profiles you see today. A business was born.

Online dating profiles led to online dating coaching, which led to dating coaching, which led to relationship coaching, and well, here we are.

Then I readthis New York Times feature on a woman who handles your dating apps and I felt a negative energy. It’s not that I was envious (which is true) or that I should spend more time promoting e-Cyrano (which is also true), it’s that this business model feels out of integrity to me.

e-Cyrano involves a questionnaire that takes hours and a phone interview where we compile all of your words into a profile that’s 95% you and 5% e-Cyrano.

These companies involve a literal Cyrano – someone pretending to be you, writing your emails and texts, actually interacting with another person under false pretenses.

Put another way: how would you feel if you discovered a man hired someone to flirt with you under his name? Pretty creepy, no?

I’ve long had the opportunity – and many requests – to do this for clients. I have refused every time. While it may seem like a negligible difference, in my opinion, there is a clear dividing line between offering advice on how to write to men and actually writing to men themselves.

I’m sure the woman who owns this business is a nice person, doing good work and helping others. It just doesn’t feel right to me from a moral standpoint.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

The post Is it Cool to Have a Ghostwriter Write to Men for You on Dating Apps? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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My husband and I got married just over 3 years ago. Since then, I’ve been completely starved of sex and intimacy! My husband is a workaholic and is constantly too tired for sex. He also seems to have difficulty maintaining an erection.

When I talk to him about it, he just tells me he’s too tired for sex. He won’t see a doctor to see if there is anything he can do/take to help with this.

It’s now been two years since we have had sex and I feel like I am dying inside. I feel so neglected and unwanted. I feel like I have no options but to suck it up and deal with it or leave.

At 37 years old, I can’t imagine never having sex or affection in my life again!

But I have a young daughter and also can’t imagine tearing my family apart or being single again. Is there anything I can do? I feel paralyzed with indecision.

Amy

Sorry about your predicament, Amy. It sounds brutal.

I’ve written about boyfriends who want sex less than their girlfriends, and boyfriends who never want sex before.

But after twelve years of answering questions on here, the letter that most came to mind was this one: “I Married a Great Guy. Why Am I So Unhappy?”

Money quote: “He’s very, um, hardworking. On weekends, he’s gone by 6 a.m. and doesn’t come home until dinner — sometimes after. That’s EVERY weekend.” 

That couple doesn’t have a marriage. That couple has a shared living arrangement.

Sounds like you do, too.

I don’t know what pains you’ve taken to remedy this situation. Couples counseling. Date night. Sex therapy. Viagra. All I know is that, in any relationship, it takes two to tango.

I don’t know what pains you’ve taken to remedy this situation. Couples counseling. Date night. Sex therapy. Viagra. All I know is that, in any relationship, it takes two to tango.

Your husband may be fine going two years without sex but if you’re not, you’re going to have to have to confront your husband. You’re not angry with him. You’re not trying to change him. You’re letting him know that you’re and will remain that way unless he vows to increase his intimacy towards you – despite how busy and tired he his.

Good husbands want to make their wives happy – especially if the request is reasonable.

If your husband, flat out refuses to make an effort, you must have the courage to start over.

I know it may sound irresponsible to say that given your marriage vows and the fact that I don’t know you. But I have had way too many women turn to me after 25-year marriages just like yours – and ALL of them wish they had the guts to prioritize their happiness sooner.

Staying together for the kid is a convenient (and valid) excuse, but wouldn’t you like to see your daughter raised in a functional family with a happy mom who enjoys her home life?

I would.

Do you really want to spend your entire adult life suffering because you made one poor choice three years ago?

I wouldn’t.

When I find I’m in a situation that makes me unhappy, I get out of it FAST.

You should, too.

You are not put on this planet to suffer.

You are put on this planet to thrive.

If your husband isn’t part of the solution, then he’s part of the problem.

Talk to him, see what he says, and don’t think that you’re a bad person for having reasonable needs that should be met by your spouse. You’re not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The post My Husband Refuses to Have Sex with Me appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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The word of the day is “thirsty.”

Urban Dictionary defines thirsty as:

1. Too eager to get something (especially play)
2. Desperate

With that, let’s take a look at today’s article by one Josh Gondelman in Glamour.

“Making a romantic overture to someone often seems corny and awkward and sometimes even a little desperate. That’s because it is. But it’s also a gesture that takes both vulnerability and assertiveness, and those are good qualities, even when they result in rejection. (Obviously, no one is under any obligation to reciprocate anyone else’s thirst.)

No great love story has ever begun without a spark of thirst.”

Thirst is more accurately known as desire. And if there’s anything I’ve learned by listening to women over 15 years, it’s that you REALLY want to be desired.

Thirst is more accurately known as desire. And if there’s anything I’ve learned by listening to women over 15 years, it’s that you REALLY want to be desired.

But you really want to be desired exclusively by men YOU desire and NOT by men you don’t desire.

You go out with a guy on Friday. You have a great time. He calls you the next day to say he had a blast and can’t wait to see you again. You swoon.

You go out with a guy on Friday. You’re bored stiff. He calls you the next day to say he had a blast and can’t wait to see you again. You determine he’s a needy stalker.

Same behavior. Different reaction.

The guy you like is sweet and direct. The guy you don’t like is “thirsty.”

Concludes Gondelman, “I met my now-fiancée in person at a party she was throwing (I was invited! I promise I’m not a creep). I asked for her phone number (thirsty!), texted her the next day (extra thirsty!), and figured out a time we could see each other again two days after that (Fast and Thirstiest, starring Vin Diesel!). Now we live together and coparent a rescue pug and are planning a wedding.

Not every story has such a happy ending, of course. Thirst can go wrong. Unchecked thirst is smothering. Unchecked, un­­reciprocated thirst is stalking. But thirst, in its purest form, isn’t about entitlement or reckless desperation. It’s about knowing what you want. And it’s OK to want something or someone openly, without playing games.”

Amen to that. Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

The post The Best Boyfriends Are a Bit Thirsty appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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I have been in an exclusive sexual relationship with a high-quality man for 4 months now. Things are easy and natural and I have no concerns with trust or how he feels. However, I happened to notice recently as I was looking to see if we have a mutual follow on Instagram that he is following about a dozen women who primarily post sexy swimsuit or lingerie pictures. I am not naive enough to think that guys don’t look at other girls nor insecure enough to think that he doesn’t think that I’m sexy too. I have a sexy side that will send him sexy pics of myself occasionally too but I don’t want to be compared to these other women. Although I work out and I think my body is strong and sexy, I’ve had 2 kids!! I just feel that it is a little disrespectful. He has me sending him sexy pics; I am uncomfortable that his Instagram feed is filled with these pictures of sexy other women on a daily basis.

My questions are…is this a “normal” guy thing? Is there a “right” time or way to tell him how I feel?

Thanks Evan! I think you are great and appreciate all your advice in you blogs and podcasts!

Kristen

In my first book “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book – A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating, I advised women not to post photos that show too much skin because it would attract the wrong guys.

It’s an easy argument to make – especially with the number of god-awful pervs who think that telling you what they’re going to do to you in their introductory email is a good idea.

The way you see it, if you hold back the photos that highlight your body, you’ll eliminate the bad guys. Better to keep things all buttoned up to avoid attracting “bad” men.

The way you see it, if you hold back the photos that highlight your body, you’ll eliminate the bad guys. Better to keep things all buttoned up to avoid attracting “bad” men.

I coasted on that advice for a few years, upon which I realized that I was one of those bad men.

Cleavage? Bikinis on the beach? Tight dresses that hide nothing? Yes, please!

And since I know that I’m not a “bad man” but rather, “a man,” I ceased giving such stupid, puritanical advice. Now I encourage my clients – usually in their 40’s and 50’s – to ramp up their sex appeal and minimize the Mom photos and snowsuit shots from their last ski trip.

Sex appeal doesn’t mean laying on a bed in lingerie with a rose in your teeth. It just means posting photos that appeal to men’s basest impulses. If he clicks on your profile and is turned on, a good man will then read about you and write based on your content rather than your looks.

Why do I lead with this story, Kristen?

Because there’s a lot of advice given based on how women think men should act as opposed to advice given on how men actually act. I’m an advocate for the latter.

In this oft-shared post “What Do Men Get Out of Looking at Other Women?” I try to explain (if not justify) the phenomenon. For most of us, looking at women is like looking at a rainbow or a bright orange Lamborghini. They’re all head-turners in our book. Telling us to not turn our heads is a good exercise in teaching men to respect women – but it does go against our very nature.

So, is it gauche for a guy to follow Instagram models? Kinda. Is it immature? Kinda. It is short-sighted when you have a sensitive and slightly jealous girlfriend? Kinda. At the same time, if we’re being honest, if I were 30 and active on Instagram, that is EXACTLY what I’d be doing.

And then I’d find a girlfriend who would feel the same way you did and I’d be torn. On one hand, I want her to be happy and feel bad that she feels bad. On the other, looking at these women has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings for her and I don’t see why I should have to completely cease my no-cost, no-effort hobby at scrolling through hot photos in my spare time. It’s certainly not cheating. As defined by women, it’s more like microcheating, which is a very blurry line.

My problem with your guy does not stem from his casual Instagram habit – since I STILL look at provocative photos online – as a very happily married man for the past 11 years.

My problem stems from this one sentence: “He has me sending sexy pics.”

The way that was phrased makes it sound like he is a Svengali who has power over you. It makes it sound like you don’t want to send those pics but he’s pressuring you to do so. It makes it sound like you are so enthralled with him that you don’t want to set limits and boundaries.

Maybe I’m reading this wrong, but between you and me, Instagram in and of itself isn’t a problem with a high-quality man. In this case, however, it may be the canary in the coal mine that is indicative of greater control/power/sex/infidelity issues.

I would encourage you to reconsider whether you’re actually comfortable with this man, and question if he is, indeed “high-quality.” Any guy who “makes you” send sexy pics should be summarily left behind if you’re not 100% as enthusiastic about it as he is.

One other thing I just realized after I wrote this: you say you’re in an “exclusive sexual relationship.” Sorry, but he hasn’t claimed the title of “boyfriend” yet, you’re being played. Seriously.

The post My Boyfriend Follows Sexy Instagram Models. Is This Normal? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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My thoughts about Tinder have been documented.

Tinder – and other dating apps – are exactly what society craves:

Something free, quick, easy, effortless, and frictionless

Something that caters to our shallow impulses, short attention spans, and desire for variety.

Something that would take our need for love, sex, attention, affection and validation and turn it into a dopamine heightening video game that we can play anytime, anywhere, with little to no thought beyond whether someone is hot or not.

As a user, you may prefer Tinder to Match, and if you do, I don’t judge you nor blame you. If anything, I understand you and empathize with you.

You want to meet more people. You don’t want to read through long profiles. You don’t want to write long emails. You don’t want to invest time in getting to know someone, who, quite likely, will not be a great long-term partner. You want to swipe right, text, meet quickly, and see ASAP if there’s compatibility.

I get it.

But what are the downsides of this process?

You don’t need me to tell you.

For all the positives we associate with dating apps, there are equal negatives.

For all the positives we associate with dating apps, there are equal negatives.

If you’re swiping right on dozens of people, it becomes more overwhelming and confusing.

If you are not reading about people in their own words, you don’t really know the first thing about them before getting each other’s phone numbers.

If you don’t have long profiles, you won’t have many interesting things to say in your communication beyond, “Hey, you’re hot. Cute dog. Want to hang out sometime?”

If you don’t invest time in getting to know someone before you meet, you will go on more bad dates than you did before because there’s no screening mechanism.

If you feel that people are too shallow and judging on looks alone, you are now relying on an app based entirely on looks, in which its pretty hard to compete.

If you understand the Paradox of Choice, you know that the more choices people have, the harder it is to decide, and the less happy people become.

If you are communicating via text with a ton of people at once, you realize nobody has anything invested in you. You must be prepared for more ghosting, flaking, breadcrumbing, and unsolicited dick pics because when dating is gamified, you are not realy a human being – you are merely one of 20 women he’s texting right now in his quest to see how quickly he can meet and get laid. Good luck competing with the women who send nude photos and want to meet up at 11pm.

Thus, something as benign as a dating app is both problematic and addicting

Something that was designed to solve a problem actually causes deeper problems.

And while everyone complains about these problems, most of us insist that dating apps are the only game in town – so we keep swiping and texting and complaining about the flakes and pervs and indignities that come with being nothing more than a photo on an app, as opposed to a flesh and blood human being with feelings, interests and a personality that cannot be captured via ducklips and emojis.

You know it. I know it. The Atlantic, who wrote this article about how Tinder changed dating, knows it.

I highly encourage you to read that piece and think about whether apps are truly making you happy and providing the optimal dating experience, or if you’re just doing it because it’s the easiest/laziest thing one can do to meet members of the opposite sex.

And if you have noticed the same problems I have about dating apps, what are you going to do differently to get a different result?

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

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I have been with my common law partner for almost 7 years. We met at work, we have had our ups and downs and even split but reconciled a few times over the years. He was going through a process in life. We are very committed and function as a married couple, he is an active stepfather to my teenage children, and we even own a business together.

However, when we first met he was just separating from his wife. Less so than I had been led to believe, hence the processes he went through for the first few years. In hindsight, I wouldn’t have gotten involved knowing what I know now but its irrelevant now.

The problem is that he won’t divorce. He has one son with her who is almost 26 and lives with her (he won’t leave home). She is several years into a relationship and runs a family business with her new boyfriend from the matrimonial property. He has taken small steps like asking her to list the house for sale but closes his eyes to it when she refuses. He pays mortgage and debts for her. He once wrote a separation agreement and she edited it asking for very high spousal support and he filed it away unsigned and unfiled. He kept her on medical benefits until just recently so he has done a lot to ease the transition.

We are looking at some changes in our lives or moving and new jobs that I hesitate to commit to without feeling secure in my relationship, plus I want to get married one day. I’m close to 40 now, my kids are close to leaving home, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve wasted my 30’s, if my relationship is a farce, or it will never go to the next level, or like I’m living with someone else’s husband.

He won’t discuss it often or in depth. His excuses are mostly the difficulty or money. Money is not an actual stumbling block. He is very smart and capable. When I broached the subject of legality of rights for me, he had a legal notarized will done naming me as beneficiary and power of attorney. He IS capable obviously, but avoids divorce.

Both his wife and son clearly manipulate him through guilt, asking for money as their only communication. I think he revels in feeling needed. I’m just not sure where the boundary line is, have I gone too far over it, am I impatient or irrational or demanding? I’m lost for ways to address it or whether I should walk away from it. I have read your advice to others for years and would be incredibly relieved and honored to hear your feedback.

Niki

I feel obliged to say that I’ve written about this topic a number of times before but each case is different.

Sounds to me like you’ve got a pretty good bead on things.

Your boyfriend either wants to be needed, is afraid of being cut off, wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

As I explain in Why He Disappeared, it generally doesn’t matter WHY someone acts a certain way. Getting the “right” answer only means that you know his motives; it doesn’t change his actions at all.

Basically, this is a dilemma that only one person can solve, Niki. And that’s you.

You’re at a fork in the road.

Would you rather continue in this relationship even though you’re never going to get married?

Or would you rather start over and find a man who is available and wants to marry you?

Your guy DOESN’T. Otherwise, he would have been divorced and proposed to you already after 7 years.

Make no mistake, you put yourself in this position by integrating your life with his, starting a business, allowing him to step-parent your children — all without a formal commitment. He got what he wanted. You didn’t.

Your power — as it is for all women in dissatisfying relationships — is to walk.

Your power — as it is for all women in dissatisfying relationships — is to walk.

You’re not trying to negotiate with him. You’re not going to force him to divorce. You’re going to leave and find a man who wants the commitment that you want. If, after you leave, he follows and initiates divorce proceedings, you might have a husband.

If he doesn’t — and I’m betting he doesn’t — you’ll be free to find a man who puts you first and makes you feel safe for the rest of your life.

One word of caution: if you say you’re going to leave and you DON’T leave, you’ve just sent the message that you’ll continue to put up with this indefinitely the way you did for the last seven years. Frankly — and I know it’s not my life and it’s easy to say from afar — I wouldn’t want someone to marry me due to an ultimatum; I’d want someone who wanted to marry me. Yours doesn’t. Please don’t lose sight of that.

Good luck.

The post My Partner of 7 Years Won’t Get Divorced! appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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First of all, what do you think defines attractive? It’s interesting because a guy friend of mine said his girlfriend would be what he would call pretty even though he didn’t think she fit the mold of what society called pretty. Does that mean there can be an openness to different types? I’ve wondered. Exactly what makes someone pretty? I know this is a sensitive question so no pressure in answering.

Second, for whatever it is, can guys learn to compromise on looks or be open to different types? I’ve wondered because I thought about something for me that was similar. I will it admit in high school I only went after the charming popular guys. The high school jocks. I could have said well I can’t help what I like right? Then I realized I was being superficial and should instead go after less superficial things. So I now have a crush on a guy (that’s another story) who is less of the charming type but very likable. I realized I should see what’s important. It seems your dating advice encourages women (chemistry vs compatibility something like that right?) to focus on those things over things that people value in a more superficial sense.

Lastly I’ve wondered how much of the obsession with finding a hot girl is really about attraction. It seems like it would be an of course, guys want the pretty girl because she is pretty right? Then I thought of my old high school crushes. I realized some of them I liked not really because of them, but actually because I enjoyed the praise I felt of having won the attention over of someone so impressive. It made me feel important. Really though, frankly I think it’s actually using someone. I’ve wondered if that’s something our society could work on.

Let me know what you think! Deep questions I know. No pressure in answering.

Kath

Three different questions. Three different answers.

  1. What do you think defines attractive? Can there be an openness to different types? Exactly what makes someone pretty?

The reason this one is tricky is because the answer is both objective AND subjective.

Objectively, there are traits that are almost universally considered attractive. Per Wikipedia:

Men, on average, tend to be attracted to women who have a youthful appearance and exhibit features such as a  symmetrical face,  full breasts, full lips, and a low waist-hip ratio. Women, on average, tend to be attracted to men who are both taller than they are as well as taller than other men, display a high degree of facial symmetry, masculine facial  dimorphism, and who have broad shoulders, a relatively narrow waist, and a V-shaped torso.

Sounds about right. Look at the cover of most beauty and fashion magazines and you’ll see a lot of stereotypically attractive people staring back at you.

At the same time, everybody has personal tastes and preferences. Some men like women who are curvy. Some men like women who have no body fat whatsoever. Some guys are turned on by fake boobs. Some guys are turned off by them. Some prefer tattoos and piercings. Some wouldn’t look twice. Some gentlemen prefer blondes. Some prefer ethnic. Go to Pornhub and take a look at what men look at. Top searches include: lesbian, hentai, MILF and step mom. There was almost equal representation of men looking up “mom” and “teen.” So when you ask “what’s attractive?” I would only point out that there are broad generalizations on what women and men find appealing — and there are lots of exceptions to those generalizations as well.

  1. Can guys learn to compromise on looks or be open to different types?

Yes, but it’s important we get our definitions straight. I don’t believe you can talk yourself into finding someone attractive. Attraction is not a choice; it’s a feeling. When any client of mine goes out with a guy where the chemistry is less than a 6, I tell her to move along. However, as burgeoning couples get closer and more intimate, there are many (if not most) of my clients who discover that their 6 can develop into an 8 or a 9.

To your original question, a man generally won’t compromise on looks in terms of going out with someone he doesn’t find physically appealing. But are guys open to different women who aren’t their “type?” Absolutely. When I was in high school, I was into skinny model-types from all the magazines and TV shows I consumed. Then I dated someone my senior year who was short and curvy and discovered I loved that, too. To this day, my favorite physical type is short, curvy, dark-skinned brunettes. Salma Hayek, Kim Kardashian, etc. I have NEVER had a girlfriend who looked like that. To me, dating around is like fine dining: the more you are open to trying different things, the more developed your palate gets, the more you can eat in any restaurant and find something you like. But still, you’re going to have your favorite dishes — just don’t think you have to marry one of them to be happy.

  1. I’ve wondered how much of the obsession with finding a hot girl is really about attraction or about having won the attention over of someone so impressive?

I think it’s impossible for most people to separate their motives from their desires. How many women stop to think about WHY they like “bad boys” even though we all know objectively that they make for terrible long-term partners? They don’t. They feel something, go with the feeling, get burned, and go back for more of the feeling. The brain chemistry that is associated with attraction is very much like cocaine or meth — powerful highs that make people — men and women alike — do otherwise irrational things.

The brain chemistry that is associated with attraction is very much like cocaine or meth — powerful highs that make people — men and women alike — do otherwise irrational things.

My take as a 46-year-old former slut in a 10+ year marriage is this: I think the obsession with “hot” is largely a maturity thing.

When I was a kid, I was attracted to EVERY girl who fit the description in the Wikipedia entry. Essentially, if she was physically appealing, I would have a crush on her, regardless of what her personality was like. Now, I STILL find plenty of women physically appealing, and in an alternate universe where I was single, would gladly have NSA sex with 25% of the female population. But after all my experience, I know better than to think that strong attraction + good sex = happiness.

Which is why I can be attracted to so many people and be the world’s safest husband. It doesn’t occur to me for one second that I’d be happier with anyone other than my wife. That’s what I mean by maturity.

Men who are still driven by the need to get the hot girl literally only see women for their looks. They don’t see women as having value beyond that, so they place a disproportionately high premium on it. Witness the rich men/trophy wife phenomenon. But, as someone crude and wise once said to me, “See that hot woman over there? Some guy is getting sick of fucking her right now.” Which is precisely my point. Since most of life and marriage is not about sex and attraction, it seems short-sighted to place the highest value on sex and attraction. If a random guy asked me for blanket dating advice, I’d tell him to look for two qualities first: happy and sane. Brilliant is a bonus. Hot is a bonus. Because if you are with someone who is unhappy and unreasonable when dealing with conflict, you’re never going to have a great marriage — no matter how rich and attractive the both of you are.

Thanks for the thought-provoking question. If you liked my answer, please share it with a friend, and issue your comments below.

  

The post What Do Men Find Attractive? appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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I’m REALLY glad to be a middle-aged married guy.

I stopped dating in January 2007 when I met my wife at a potluck dinner in Beverly Hills.

The first iPhone would be released later that year.

Texting was around but it wasn’t ubiquitous. Same with Facebook.

Instagram came around in 2010. Tinder didn’t launch until 2012.

And here we are, as lonely and disconnected as ever. Social media sites that were designed to connect us now cause an equal amount of pain and confusion.

And here we are, as lonely and disconnected as ever. Social media sites that were designed to connect us now cause an equal amount of pain and confusion.

The latest term of art from this digital dystopia? Keep reading:

“Prying eyes on Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter can be exciting when they come from a prospective romantic partner, confusing when unrequited and infuriating when the looker is an ex. In the last case, it’s as though the specter of a Relationship That Could Have Been is peeping over your shoulder, keeping tabs without having to commit to any real-world interactions.

Naturally, there is a name for this 21st-century phenomenon, which has joined ghosting, Netflix and chill, breadcrumbing and other recent entries to the dating lexicon. It’s called orbiting.”

I’d probably call it cyberstalking, but whatever you call it, it’s a thing that afflicts modern daters who are tethered to their social media.

“The way it feels to be orbited depends on your relationship to the orbiter. When you’re interested in the satellite entity watching your social media activity, orbiting brings an endorphin rush, the feeling of being circled by someone you want to get closer to.

But when it’s bad, it’s bad. There’s the frustration of wondering why an ex would rather watch your life than be part of it. There’s the disappointment when someone who has been orbiting for some time never  does  get any closer. And there’s acceptance of the hard truth of all digital romance: Eventually, the relationship must be taken offline, or brought to an end.”

I’m an advocate for online dating but when relationships PRIMARILY take place in a virtual world, you’ve got a real problem. Liking photos on Instagram is not dating. Texting is not dating. Talking and seeing each other in person is dating. You should accept no substitute – no matter what everyone tells you about how things are different now.

Concludes the article:

“Regardless, it’s a fact that dating is confusing, and orbiting can make that worse. Small online behaviors are infinitely interpretable, making it impossible to understand where you and another person stand. The lurking of a potential connection makes you wonder whether they’ll ever materialize in person. And the orbiting ex only serves to keep you mired in a shadow version of the relationship, wondering, each time he or she views one of your Stories, what happened or what could have been.”

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

The post Orbiting. Another Dating Problem Created By Social Media. appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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You’re tired,

You’re tired of working ten hours a day.

You’re tired of six hours of sleep per night.

You’re tired of commuting to and from work.

You’re tired of having to handle everything yourself: the laundry, making dinner, car leases, insurance premiums, your wireless connection.

You’re tired of taking care of everybody – your aging parents, your screwed up siblings, your ungrateful boss, your average employees, your unappreciative kids.

Life is hard enough.

It’s much harder when your whole life involves giving rather than receiving.

If you’re like most of my Love U students, you give WAY more than you receive.

You’re like Sisyphus pushing a rock up a hill or Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders.

It’s tiring. It sucks. And nobody talks openly about it.

Have you ever spent long nights on the phone counseling a dear friend?

Have you ever spent thousands of dollars on veterinarian bills for a sick pet?

Have you ever worked longer than expected because you took pride in your work and wanted to please your boss or client?

Have you ever given an expensive gift to your less fortunate sister or your self-sacrificing mother?

Have you ever given more to a relationship than the relationship has given back to you?

I’ll bet you have.

What we see here is not just that you are generous but you are actually generous to a fault.

So, why am I bringing this up now, on the last day of this special Love U launch?

If anything, I wanted you to see something I see in you:

You are so committed to giving to others that you may neglect your own needs.

You put yourself out for a friend, for a pet, for a loved one, but when do you get the opportunity to receive?

Not very often.

This is your chance.

I’m not telling you to suddenly cut off your monthly donation to ALS or RAINN.

I’m not telling you to return that iPad you bought for your Mom for her birthday.

I’m only telling you what you already know.

You need to be as generous with yourself as you are with others.

You’d do anything for someone you love. But you hesitate to do the easiest, smartest thing for your long-term happiness:

Apply to join me in Love U.

Understand, I’m not against you taking another solo trip to Bali, redecorating your bathroom, or splurging on a spa weekend with the girls.

But happiness doesn’t come from material goods or temporary pleasures.

It comes from deep, meaningful, human connection – and nothing is deeper, more meaningful and more fulfilling than a happy marriage.

It comes from deep, meaningful, human connection – and nothing is deeper, more meaningful and more fulfilling than a happy marriage.

This is one area in which no one else can save you.

Your best friend can’t help you understand men.

Your sister can’t teach you to date online.

Your mom can’t teach you to be confident wherever you go.

Your dog can’t outline the most important qualities to look for in a man.

It’s generous for you to take care of them, but who’s taking care of you – if not you?

After midnight tonight, you will no longer be able to get the following:

  •      26 weeks of Love U videos.
  •      26 weeks of Love U exercises.
  •      26 weeks of Love U coaching calls with me.
  •      26 weeks of support from other smart, strong, successful women in the Love U Community who are also taking this exciting journey at the same time.
  •      4 value-added bonuses including my bestselling “Why He Disappeared” program.

Thus, it’s really simple. If you’re satisfied with your love life as it is right now and would be fine being in this exact same position next year, sit tight.

If you’re dissatisfied being alone and want the opportunity to experience unconditional love like so many of Love U graduates, click here.

Once you’re done coaching with me, you’ll have exactly what I have:

A partner who actively WANTS to make you happy.

He’ll make you dinner.

He’ll drive you to the airport.

He’ll handle the wifi and snow shoveling and dirty dishes.

He’ll be there when you fall asleep and when you wake up each day.

He’ll come to your family’s dysfunctional Thanksgiving.

He’ll whisk you away for a fun three-day weekend over Memorial Day.

He’ll celebrate your successes and hold you through your losses.

Most importantly, he’ll take care of you when you’re too tired to take care of yourself.

I assure you: there is no better feeling in the world.

Even if you didn’t take advantage of this special offer to apply to Love U, I hope you took value out of the emails, the Facebook Live, and all those client success stories.

I hope you challenged yourself on what you can do differently, and on understanding how men really think.

No matter what, I remain committed to staying in touch with you and giving you as much valuable information as I can in my weekly newsletters, blog posts and podcasts.

Click here before 11:59pm tonight to apply to apply to Love U and join other smart successful women who are also ready to live happily ever after.

Give me 5 minutes a day and I will give you a husband.

Many thanks and warmest wishes,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S. April joined Love U three years ago. Not long after, she sent me this email.

I can’t believe how much I learned from Evan’s coaching. I’m one of the participants who came in and did a lot of things the opposite of how Evan coaches us, fell right on my butt, dusted myself off, and then did it the right way and had these amazing results. If Evan helped me figure this out? He can do it for anyone.

Now, I’m in an amazing marriage with a really wonderful man. Easily the best and most healthy relationship of my life. And I’m happy. Really happy. Not euphoric, “This is too good to be true, when will the other shoe drop” happy, but truly content, peaceful and so excited about the future. Evan helped me to attract and keep an amazing man who makes me feel special and cherished and oh, by the way? He’s gorgeous. smart, funny and extremely successful – and that, my friend, is really just icing on the cake.

Now I feel as lucky and blessed in my relationship as I do in all the other areas of my life. I used to wonder how I managed to figure out everything in life but love. I thought the really amazing relationships were for someone else. Now I realize I just didn’t have the right mindset or tools. The adjustments I made were so minor, yet they had such an amazing impact on my life. Thank you, Evan, for everything.

April

As always, I don’t make these up.

As always, this can be yours.

As always, it’s up to you.

By this time tomorrow, your chance to enroll in Love U will be gone.

It’s now or never.

I sure hope it’s now.

See you inside Love U!

The post Wouldn’t you like a man to take care of YOU appeared first on Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

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