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It’s the holiday season, and what better way to spend it than investing in you? Lots of people look for love during the holiday season. It could be the fact that they want that family setting they have been looking for, or it could just be that they want someone to spend the holidays with. being alone on the holidays is not a bad thing, but it really is a drag. Take it from someone who has spent the last decade alone. Although the time that I spent investing in online dating gave me hope. Having hope is monumental…hope for a new life that includes that special someone.
Try to keep your spirits high by having that hope. Although hope alone is not enough. I’ve said this time and time again in my other posts, you have to put in the work. Finding that special someone is not the easiest thing in the world to do. I’ve been trying off and on for over two years now. I’ve had relationships, but they, for one or another reason, didn’t work out. I said that to say this: I’m guilty of not putting the work in like I should have from the beginning. I tried to shortcut the process and I got what I gave.
I guess I would say that I’m not giving up hope. It’s what keeps me going…but I am going to take a break from online dating for a while. I think it’s a healthy choice and I would imagine that like anything else, one can get burned out on it. I do plan to explore my options with online dating once I’m ready again. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should give up or drop out. I tried for years before deciding to take a break so don’t see this as giving up after a few problems. This is more about me recognizing that right now, taking a break will be better for me in the long run.
In fact, mow is the perfect time for online dating. The number of people that try online dating increases in holiday months and that number will explode in January with lots of resolutions driving people to online dating. This increase in interest can work out in one’s favor. The more people online the more opportunity for a date, and possibly meeting the love of your life.
Online dating in December is always a fun time to see what new profiles there are. People are generally happy around the holidays and that’s a plus in the online dating world. Think of all the possibilities for good dating ideas. Not only the standard coffee date but anything that has to do with the holidays. Remember most people are already in a good mood for the holidays. If you could show them a special time with a holiday theme you’ll be on the fast track to a great date. Sled riding comes to mind and hot coco, caroling, the possibilities are endless.
What a wonderful new year to look forward to if you do find that special someone. New Years Eve then into Valentines Day. And if it’s right one, a wonderful new start to a new life with the one person you’ve been looking for. Let’s dream for a minute: imagine meeting the perfect match and being able to tell the story of how you received the greatest gift for the holidays. You could one day bore your children with the story of how you met during the holiday season through online dating. Wouldn’t that be a nice tradition?
Holidays can sometimes be lonely and challenging for people. No one wants to be alone at this time of the year…or any time of the year for that matter. Spending time with family and friends on the holidays is what it’s all about. I would have to say without a doubt, some of my best memories are of the holiday times. Getting together with friends at holiday parties are so much fun. Spending time with your loved ones makes life worth it. Having someone to enjoy those times with you just enriches one’s life.
I would say that you can start over this new year with a new drive and attitude toward online dating. Let’s start the new year off with a fresh look at online dating. If you haven’t met that someone special what can you do this year to change that? Having a plan is key to online dating. Knowing what you want is essential. You can find many helpful tips and ways to improve your online dating experience with Brad’s free online dating guide. It helps with everything from building a profile to how to handle dates.
Going through the motions alone won’t get you very far with online dating. Having a positive attitude and putting in the effort will yield results. So maybe last year of online dating didn’t go so well for you. Online dating is not for everyone, but it has its good qualities. Some people don’t like the dating scene. Bar’s are crowded and loud, and not for everyone. Online dating gives you more options to “shop” who you’re looking for.
Let’s say you tried online dating and it just isn’t for you. Or maybe you’re like me where you appreciate online dating but need a break. What did you take away from it? For me, it was the fact that I got to know myself better and know what I want in a partner. I think that the last two years of online dating has made me a better communicator. It’s giving me a better perspective on how to interact with the opposite sex. Overall I think it has been a great experience and one worth pursuing.
I wish you all the best of luck this holiday season and hope that you find that special someone you are searching for. The magic of the holidays can be found by making the magic happen. Get out there and pursue your happiness! You never know the next match could be the one that you’ve been waiting for. Happy holidays to you and your’s and may this be the best year of your life. Thanks for reading and as always good luck with your online adventures.
Giving thanks to online dating might seem a little weird to you, but not to the people who have had success with it. My friend and creator of this website, Brad, is definitely giving thanks for online dating website since he met his wife on Match and now has a beautiful family.
Many times online dating sites can seem frustrating. We run into all types of hiccups, but when we do have success it’s like the heavens open up. Think of it this way: some people never would have met there match without the help of an online dating service. Some people just don’t go out to clubs or other social events where the possibility presents itself to meet someone. So I’m thinking these are also people who are thankful for online dating. Just think about it how else would you meet someone if you never have the time for a social life or just do not like going to overcrowded bars or clubs.
People of a certain age can appreciate dating sites also because for some the older they become the less social they are. Online dating gives people hope for a chance at love.
Even if you do not have a love connection, sometimes friendships are born from meeting someone that you have a lot in common with. Also, it brings variety to live and little “adventures” to our sometimes ordinary lives.
I’m thankful for online dating because it gave me the opportunity to learn more about myself. Not only did I meet some incredible women, but it showed me what I was looking for and what I was not looking for. It helped me gain insight into my own thoughts and feelings. Before online dating, I thought I knew what I wanted in a relationship. It became so much clearer to me what I really wanted after I had quite a few first dates (and after I read Brad’s guide to online dating). Brad’s guide helps one get to the core of what I was really looking for. It simplifies it in a way that anyone can understand.
You may think well it’s easy to make a profile, but sometimes we forget what really matters when we put together our profiles. Yes, we all want someone we think is attractive and that we can get along with.
Here’s the thing: what makes that person really attractive? Because beauty fades. Getting to the core of what we want is what is going to make the relationship succeed or fail. Or, alternately, it’s going to help us make sure we’re investing time in the right people. Asking yourself questions like, are you a homebody or do you read on a regular occasion? Those types of questions get us closer to the match that we are looking for rather than tall, dark, and handsome (that is, what others tell us we should be looking for).
With online dating, there are so many functions that allow us to choose what we want. It really is a great thing to be thankful for. Sometimes it seems like an endless amount of choices. When I think about it’s almost like you’re going shopping for exactly what you want. So many possibilities it’s mind-blowing.
After saying that, I should say don’t let yourself become overwhelmed. Breaking things down in such a way that you get to the core of what you want is the key to success here. It can seem daunting at first and frustrating as well, but once you realize the great potential you become thankful for the opportunities and the scope of tools provided to you.
Ultimately you are the greatest tool in your tool bag. Knowing what you want, and who you are, makes all the difference.
Once you know what you want it becomes a time saver and that’s definitely something to be thankful for. No one wants to invest their time for little or no return. Many sites make it easy for you to help find what you’re looking for. Even the free sites break things down so that it’s easier to find a match. I know that Plenty of Fish has a questionnaire that one fills out to help you match with a partner.
Finding love online is a part of today’s world. I for one think it’s a great idea and why not. Why not embrace today’s technology and keep up with the world. It really does make things easier. Finding love online is obtainable and most anyone can do it, although it takes work and isn’t necessarily easy.
I don’t mean to sound redundant but there really is a lot to give thanks for when it comes to online dating. Being able to see many pictures of potential matches is just one of many perks. The first thing we look at is the person then we read the profile. Heck, some sites like tinder use profile pics as the many parts of their set up. Yes or no swipe left or right. They cut time in half if what you are looking for is a speedy way to do online dating.
For me, I like to look at the whole profile so I’m more comfortable with a layout such as Macth.com has. You look through pics with taglines until you see one the sparks your interest. Once you found someone that you find attractive to you then you can read all about them in there profile. Plus I think now match has video. People make a small video about themselves that you can view. I think is really a great way to get the vibe of a person. With Pictures, one can take a certain way to make themselves look better but with video, it’s all out there. You can really see what a person looks like sounds like and acts like. I think it’s a great new feature and defiantly something to be thankful for. It makes the searching process easier and anything that makes things easier in my book is good.
Thanks for reading and good luck with your online search. Remember there is always something to be thankful for.
I was never one to believe in superstition…like black cats or walking under ladders or other activities that would somehow bring one bad luck.
What in the world does bad luck have to do with online dating? Well, having bad luck with online dating happens more often than not. Sometimes we bring it upon ourselves while other times people bring it to us. Having bad luck with online dating can be as simple as having a profile that is not up to snuff but not being able to recognize it. Your profile is what attracts the right or wrong person and often, from our perspective everything is fine, while in reality it may be attracting the wrong people. One way to avoid attracting the wrong person is to really have a plan with what your profile will look like and what it will ask for. Sometimes, what looks like being unlucky in love is more about not thinking things through.
So sometimes we bring the bad luck to ourselves by not having enough intentionality. But sometimes the bad luck comes to you through no fault of your own. You may meet someone that you think is the perfect match and then…boom! They do something to dash that image you have of them. In recent times I heard a story that made national news: a man that would meet women for a meal and he would order an extravagant meal. Then he would excuse himself to the bathroom and would duck out on the bill! What a slime ball. Things like this happening only make it harder for people who are really looking for love. And this is a clear example of the women doing nothing wrong…just the “bad luck” of going on a date with this jerk.
Avoiding Choices that Bring More “Bad Luck”
Our choices as we date online do impact how good or bad things can go. Some decisions can lead to more first dates while other decisions can end up putting ourselves at risk.
The easiest place to start is here: we should all be careful what information we provide when it comes to online dating and be diligent to never giving too many details. There comes a point where some details just aren’t necessary, especially for early stages of the online dating conversations. Always try to ask yourself: does giving this information add to process? Sure, you need to share personal details about yourself in online dating, but there are plenty of personal details that don’t contribute to anything. For example, your home address is a personal detail, but that detail wouldn’t impact if someone wants to date you or not. So, don’t give out that piece of information!
A second easy tip to follow: always meeting in a public place. It seems like people have gotten better about this but it’s still worth saying. Sometimes a woman will feel like she has a real connection with a man and he’ll want to meet at his place for the first date. It can be tough to refuse the suggestion because the woman feels strongly about the man, but the refusal should still happen. Also, for the first date, having a backup plan is another good rule to date by. I have never had a so-called “nightmare date” or even an unlucky date, but I still plan in this way. I’ve had dates where the chemistry just wasn’t there but nothing I would call scary. Maybe I have been lucky or maybe it has something to do with my gender or maybe it has to do with how I go about meeting women and taking my time. Regardless, in my opinion, it’s harder for a woman when it comes to online dating since they have to endure a lot of the jerks out there and deal with risks that a guy doesn’t have to think about. As men, we don’t often receive inappropriate mail or deal with being treated like a sex object or have to worry about being physically assaulted…so I think everyone should play it safe, but women should be especially diligent.
More Ideas on Staying Safe
Again, sometimes bad luck is more about bad decisions. Here are some more thoughts on answering the question: “What can we do to keep ourselves safe with online dating?”
As mentioned before, keeping your personal information personal and keeping the first meeting in public place is your best bet.
Try meeting for the first time in the daytime, over something small like coffee.
It’s often best to talk for a while before you meet someone. Get to know them a little before the first date. However, this isn’t always required if there are reasons to meet quickly, just be extra careful if meeting quickly.
Having a backup plan if the date goes south is always a good rule of thumb. The easiest way to do this is to plan up front and tell your date you can only meet for 30 minutes or an hour, even if you could do longer.
Never meet someone asking for money. It just feels too risky. Plus, even if things are fine and their nice, they may still be motivated to meet you for money in the future as opposed to a relationship in the future!
Finally, I would say follow the other simple rules laid out in Brad’s online dating guide here on this website.
Keeping safe in today’s world is a hard thing. I was watching TV the other night and saw that a woman was almost abducted by what she thought was the uber driver she ordered. Turns out it was the same type of car but not her driver and things almost went very wrong for her. She had to jump for the car in order to get away! So, we shouldn’t look at this situation and say that no one should ever use Uber or Lyft. Instead, just like with online dating, we need to ask what steps we could take to use the service but stay safe. In this example, the experts said you should always check the license plate and make sure it’s the right car before getting into it. Seems obvious, but in the moment, I think many of us don’t do that.
I was talking with a friend of mine that had a date set up from OKCupid. He told her to meet him at a Starbucks that was brand new. The problem came when she couldn’t find the location on Google maps. When that happened, she declined to meet him. I believe she was being safe, and so did he. He never ended up meeting with her, but I completely understand her point of view. Better safe than sorry. There is nothing wrong with my friend, she was just being safe.
So how do you know when someone is a safe bet? That’s the trick: there’s no real way to know that unless you know their friends, family, and life story. And even then sometimes we have nasty surprises! The truth is it’s hard to tell sometimes, but for me, I rely on following good steps that protect myself and, beyond that, trusting my gut. If my gut is telling something is wrong, then there probably is. In today’s world, one has to be careful – it’s just a plain fact of life nowadays. Too many nuts out there. Fake profiles, fake photos, and fake people. Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of good people as well. I guess I’m just writing this article to remind everyone that it pays to be careful and bad luck is some.
Not New, but Worth Repeating
I’m not telling anyone anything new. Then again maybe I am. All I want is people to be safe when they go online to date. Knowing what to look for and how to avoid pitfalls is half the battle when it comes to online dating. I still have trouble believing that some can get duped into sending money to a person across the country. Most times to someone they never even met. I mean how does this happen? That’s scary to me.
I think what people should do is arm themselves with some knowledge about how online dating works, and what to look out for. After all, this is not only an emotional investment but also a financial investment. If you are reading this article, then hopefully you are one of the people who take online dating seriously and wants to know as much as you can to have a good outcome. Plus, I like the saying, “The harder you work, the luckier you get”. Putting in some work can help avoid the “bad luck” of bad dates.
This is a great blog with detailed information on how to build a profile and what watch out for in the online dating world. So, I tell you friends there is nothing to be afraid of if you have the right ammo. Stay positive and have fun with the experience. Try not to let small set back get you down. If you really do your homework and invest your time, there is no reason you won’t have success with online dating. Plus, the more you put into yourself the better your return. After a while, things become less scary and become more fun.
Thanks for reading and I hope you have success with your online dating adventures.
About a year ago I wrote a blog post talking about dating apps and Tinder was one of the apps that I covered. Back then I had heard that it was mostly a hookup app, but not till recently did I find out what kind of conversations go on there. Brad and I were discussing the crazy conversations that happen and I checked out the Tinder subreddit on redditt.com.
I was completely unprepared for what I was about to read! Not too many things shock me, and I guess it’s just my age, but I don’t understand the thinking of twenty-somethings. Hookups are not for me. God knows who or what that person has done before you walked into their place. I laughed at some of the conversations and cringed at others.
I’m in total disbelief that people communicate this way. Where is the romance? On the flip side, where is the shame for the way people are talking to one another? When the people don’t even know one another? These people are asking for sex like it’s something you pick up at the seven eleven. It’s crazy in my opinion.
Now I’m not knocking Tinder as they are a square business. I’m also not assuming that every person uses Tinder in a way were it’s a mix of humor and sex requests. However, if half of what is on reddit can be believed then it’s how some people who are using Tinder that I struggle to understand. And honestly, Tinder is a business and at the end of the day, they are more focused on making sure the site makes money over how people talk to one another, right?
So How Should Tinder (NOT) Be Used?
So, what do you say when you first meet someone? Every situation is different, although I think many of the ideas we talk about here in regard to email messages give good ideas on where to start. However, I can tell you some of the things not to do from my perspective. First, Don’t offer any pics of your body! I mean why do some guys think a woman really wants a pic of their junk? How is that going to get you a date? Maybe they do it just to be jerks, but I believe some of these guys really do it because they think women will respond. And maybe some women do respond…it’s hard to imagine but at the same time, I feel like it might happen. I mean, why would these guys keep doing it if they didn’t occasionally have success? Also, after looking at the Tinder conversations on reddit, maybe everyone sees the world different in modern dating?
To me, I still buy into trying a little romance. Ask questions for sure, but keep it clean. And I don’t see any reason to get too personal too quickly. In Brad’s guide, he offers ways to go about the first contact. It’s worth a read even though it wasn’t written with Tinder in mind.
I guess I’m preaching to the choir when I write this stuff since many of my readers are older than the twenty-somethings going crazy online. I don’t have to tell them to be polite when they speak to someone they are interested in. I don’t have to say keep it clean. I’m trying to reach an audience that will already know how to treat the opposite sex. This article is just to make them aware that if they want to try Tinder they may come across some things they may not like.
How Did We Get Here?
But it begs the question: what has happened to speaking normally to one another? Or maybe a better question would be, what happened that caused the younger crowd to accept this as “normal”? Shouldn’t the (mostly) men acting in this way be chased off of the dating service? Instead, not only do people act this way, they then go post these wild conversations for everyone to see!
I think one of the problems is instant gratification. It seems to me that in the recent decade’s kids were raised with so many options that they are used to getting what they want and fast. This, in my opinion, opposes the courtships that use to take place between a man and a woman. When I was in my twenties and headed out to a club, some people called them meat markets. Today you have endless pics of people you can choose from posing in increasingly questionable ways. I guess in a way it’s meat market times ten since it’s based almost entirely on that first look.
The picture draws a person in, but what should keep them there is the profile information. I think that the people using sites like Tinder for hookups don’t even read the profile info (ignoring using some information to start the first message occasionally). This is just my opinion but I think they scroll through countless pics until they see someone they would like to hook up with, and then they send rude or arrogant or crazy messages expecting to engage the other person. I’m only taking away the messages that I read when I visited Tinder subreddit. I was taken back by the lack of courtesy. The language didn’t bother me. The thing that got to me was the disrespect for the other person. I could never in my life approach someone the way it seems to be done today.
Even though this may seem a bit odd to some of us, it seems that people actually do respond to this kind of nonsense. Again, I blame that on the fact that this has become accepted as normal. I want to believe that there are women who value themselves highly, but the culture has taught them this is acceptable behavior. If we were looking at this in the past (pre-Tinder) then I think most people would agree that these people have to have some kind of low self-esteem issues to be putting themselves out there like a piece of meat. But if it’s the norm, I hope it’s just that people believe that there’s no other option and that their self-esteem is fine. Although, honestly, I’m not convinced either way.
An Attempt to Be Understanding
As I’ve been saying, I wonder where it all stems from. Everything starts in the home and I suppose the home is greatly influenced by culture. Perhaps the younger generation is faced with things we didn’t see growing up, being so exposed to all the good and bad the internet has to offer. They never had a day in their life where they couldn’t connect, buy, like or interact online.
So, what’s up with Tinder and the way people seem to think this is a hookup site? I don’t think anyone really knows how these things happen they just do. Or at a minimum, I would say that no one was planning for it to get to where it is now. I’m sure Tinder didn’t intend for its app to be used in this manner it just happened.
On top of that, I know plenty of people in their twenties and most are respectful, awesome people that have a good head on their shoulders. Sure, I know some that are stuck in their phones, in their own little world, and reek of ignorance. But it makes me think maybe things aren’t as bad as they look. Maybe it’s a small percentage of people who are horrible but also loud and in your face. To someone like me, it’s then easy to assume everyone is like that and everyone is OK with it.
Also, I bet a lot of people get chased off of Tinder when they first use it. If only the people who are OK with crudes and nudes stay around, then I guess it makes it look like young people are fine with all of this when in reality it’s only the few who are choosing to stick around. So I’m trying to be understanding and not assume the younger generation is nuts!
When I used the site I met one person and we both specifically stated that we were not there for a hookup. That says volumes in my book, that you HAVE to state that you are not here for hookup. It means, “Hey I know this sites people may think is a hookup site, but I’m here for a legitimate reason”. With my one date from Tinder, we met and things were cordial. We both decided that we were not right for each other. At no time did we disrespect one another or offend the other. So, I guess what I am saying is a site may be known for a hookup site, but it’s up to the user to decide how they are going to use it.
Thanks for taking the time to read and good luck with your online dating.
I wonder now if young people even meet the same way they did just a few decades ago. According to Statista 30% of US internet users in 2017 ages 18-29 used an online app or dating site. The site most used in January of 2018 is Match.com
So should you try it just because all the cool kids are doing it? Absolutely! Seriously, though, young people set the tone for what is the standard of the times in my opinion. Most people will try something new and tend to want to keep up with the trends if they can…so I think there’s plenty of people trying which means plenty of people to meet.
So some good reasons one should try online dating are:
You can be in more control of who you date or at least have more options to choose from.
You don’t rely on chance as much…although there’s always some level of randomness to life!
For many people, it’s the most effective option.
Provides a good platform for building social and, more specifically, dating skills.
A faster process for first dates for many people
You can pick the place where you feel most comfortable to meet as opposed to random locations (or loud, smokey ones).
It opens your dating pool way up.
It’s a small price to pay for a lot of perks in the dating world.
You get more of what you want from your dating life.
Your calendar becomes full of adventures for months to come.
I could go on and on about why you should try online dating, but here are the simple facts: online dating, if nothing else, will create an opportunity for you to add an exciting chapter to your life. For many of us, dating life without an online option means no dates at all. You get to make the choice to add a tool that, with some persistance, will create the adventure of going on many more first dates. Second, with online dating you pretty much know what you are getting yourself into. It’s better than a blind date, trust me! Finally, more people are meeting and falling in love online than ever before and that number is just going to continue to grow and grow. All of this says to me, “What have I got to lose?” I could sit at home another lonely night or I can get out there and start connecting with people today.
Life is an adventure, live like it is. Take that chance because, in the end, it’s the chances that you didn’t take that you will regret. I could waste your time with numbers and statistics, but is that what you’re reading this article for? My guess would be no. My guess would be you want some information from someone who has tried online dating and has had success because we don’t do things just to fail. And so often I think people just want to find someone who can convince them to do what they already know, deep down, that they want to do. And I’m happy to be that guy if you need me to be.
We all want to be successful, and so how do we go about it. We learn from other and we do research on how to be successful at what we are interested in. Brad’s story is an online dating success story. He went from being unsuccessful with online dating to be very successful with online dating, and he shares it all with you on this site. His ways to improve your dating profile and dating life just provide a shortcut to what’s already waiting for you out ther.
I also am sharing my online dating experience with you in hopes that it will all lead you to the same conclusion. Hey, we can see better results with online dating through the eyes of these regular guys that put it out there for us to see. What they went through, why they think its worth it to try online dating, why they say an online paid dating site may be a better place to do your business because they found that people are more serious on an online dating site, and so on. We have used free sites like POF.com and paid sites like Match.com and we let you know what worked best for us. So going in you know what to expect. I suggest that you read Brad’s FREE guide to online dating. Really no surprise in what comes along in online dating can creep up on you once you’ve read the guide and a few articles on this site.
Brad tells you how with his guide and I tell you about my experience with online dating. So basically you’re getting both sides of the coin: you’re getting the interworkings of the online dating world and the methods to navigate it. Plus you’re getting an up close and personal experience with online dating. My thoughts are if you’ve read this article and are trying to decide if you want to try online dating, go for it! You have everything to gain and nothing to lose really, other than maybe a few lost nights if you end up on a few bad dates (but that’s a part of the deal).
An investment in your love life is an investment in the rest of your life. We only have a few choices in life, the way I see it. You can either give up on looking for options or you can go for it. There is no better feeling to me than going after what you want and getting it. No one is saying this is easy because it’s not…trust me, I know. Some people are better at it than others, but having some tools for the job helps. So again, I recommend you download Brads guide as it will give you some tools you need for success. Take the time to read some of the articles and try to avoid making some of the mistakes I’ve made.
Thanks for reading and good luck with your online search for love!
So online dating is the easiest way to land a date? That may not always be so true. With social media today, there comes the opportunity to reconnect with people from your past or meet new people. I have found that people I know, including myself, have had a few dates from social platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
With any online dating, there is no guarantee that you will have success, but dating someone you already know from your past puts you ahead of the game in several areas:
1. You’re not meeting a stranger.
2. Communication is often easier because you can connect on the past.
3. You already have some type of relationship with the other person.
4. You already have things in common such as high school or college or work.
5. The level of comfort often already established and you can avoid some of the awkward stages you see with online dating.
Meeting someone you already know is much easier than meeting a stranger. With an online profile, you only get so much information, but with reconnect through, let’s say Facebook you get the whole lot more to go on.
Benefits of Social Media Dating
You already know their history and background. And sometimes if you don’t know a lot about them, asking shared friends make that much easier as well. It basically become less about trying to figure out what a new person is like because you have an inside view. And even though you may know each other, I don’t think that takes away from things. Sure, with online dating everything is new, however if you do know a person from your past there is still much to learn about them. What has changed over the years? What hasn’t changed? Who are they still in contact with that you both know? You could maybe be in a situation where you haven’t talked in years but there is a lot to catch up on.
Also with online social media, I find that there is more interaction with someone you are dating. You may already be texting and talking on the phone, but with social media, it opens up another portal for you to communicate. With Facebook you can even let the world know who you are in a relationship with…this is a big step nowadays and a committed relationship is immediately sent to all family and friends letting them know Jack and Dianne are together. And then once you are an item you can go further and you can show your appreciation for someone in a new PDA form. Social PDA such as posting pictures of you two together lets everyone in your friend’s list know that your dating or involved.
Let’s say you’re like me and you check Facebook daily. You can see and judge by the post of your significant other how happy they are with the relationship or just in general. People who share on their social platforms want others to know they are happy or sad. So it helps you gauge the relationship when you look at it in that way.
By liking your partner’s post, you are not just saying I like this post but are saying this is something that we have in common. The most common way that I see people expressing their feeling is through pics on their post. Pics on vacation or at an event form a concert together to even marriage.
Dating should be fun and not looked be all work, even though you do have to put in the effort. Everyone wants a fun experience. I mean who wants to go on a date and feel like it’s an interview? No one that I know including myself. I’m not saying give up on traditional online dating. I’m just weighing the difference between the two. Some people like the fact of meeting someone new and learning all about them. Others might like the fact that they already know a good deal about a person.
Negative Aspects to Social Media Dating
The first big negative is that if things go poorly, it’s a bit more public and out there for the world to see. Depending on how much you put out to the world when things were going well, it might feel like everyone is in your business when things go wrong.
Related to this, you only have so many opportunities with social media compared to online dating as you’ll only have a certain number of single friends. Added to that you won’t want to develop a bad reputation so moving from one friend to another on Facebook often won’t be a great idea.
Another bad thing (although sometimes also goo) is that you have access to your partner’s friends and they have access to yours. There’s some good here in that if you want to know what she or he has always wanted for their birthday then you can go directly to Mom or brothers or sisters and ask. Perhaps you want to plan a special event for someone with family and friend. You can access all of this people in one spot. In the past this would have been much harder and involved a lot of phone calls that honestly most of us wouldn’t have bothered to make. On top of that, you often wouldn’t even know about many of these people and wouldn’t have an easy way to reach them. With social media, the person you are dating whole life is there…which has situations where it’s good.
However, there is a big downside to this if the relationship sours. Just as you can reach out to friends and family for good things, this can also be used in bad ways. Of course you can block another person if they become too annoying but it doesn’t mean they won’t have an opportunity to blow things up in your timeline!
Final Thoughts on Social Media Dating
Online dating doesn’t always mean online dating in the traditional sense. There have been times when I met someone online and then added them to friends on Facebook. This is also a good way to get to know someone for all the reasons I mentioned above. I would wait before doing this. I’m not saying go on one date then add them into your Facebook because, remember, you are letting this person into your online world with a lot of information on you. Make sure that you trust the person and know them well enough to do this.
So is reconnecting on a social site better than just fishing for people on a paid or unpaid dating site? For me, when the opportunity presents itself the experience has been that I’ve had more success with social media. It’s just easier to move things forward and there’s a fun aspect to reconnecting. But again, these opportunities aren’t always available and you will only have so many friends to consider. But when it’s been an option, for me it’s been good.
You may be different and not want to date anyone from your past. Then again you may just find out that Becky from homeroom is single now and you always had a crush on her. Whatever way works best for you; I would say go for it. I just wanted to point out the obvious that there is more than one way to skin a cat.
eHarmony is a having another free communication weekend!
Summer is in the air and so is love. Time to give online dating a try. Have you ever wanted to try online dating, but you were not sure if you wanted to pay for a subscription? Or maybe you KNEW you didn’t want to pay for one! Well, either way here is your chance to try eHarmony at no cost. No commitment if you don’t like the experience (and no shady credit card payment required to give it a try).
I’m not saying that one way is better than the other, but try a free weekend and try a free site at the same time. See what one you find to be the better fit for you. Typically the services you pay for do have some extra benefits and what better time to test?
This is a holiday weekend and most people will be having a cookout or get together. I know when I was single I always felt down around these times. I was pretty much the oddball out without a date. Now you may just feel comfortable alone at gatherings, but I’m guessing you wouldn’t be on this page if that was the case. Being part of a relationship is rewarding and one for me is knowing that someone in this world has my back.
Say you go to a barbeque and you really don’t want to be there. When you have a significant other it’s easy to get away by saying we have to go to his or her’s friends after this.
OK so may that’s not so good of an analogy, but I think you might get the point. Being with someone else on a holiday just makes things better and I be eHarmony knows that too since they offer these free weekends mostly on holidays!
By trying the free weekend you will definitely understand the some of the workings of online dating, at least for this one service. Once again it’s free to try and no commitment. You can’t beat that. I hope that you give it a try if you are still looking!
The free event runs from May 24th to May 28th 2018. You can sign up for the free weekend here.
You’ve been talking with a match online and the time has come: it’s time for the first date. Being prepared can help tremendously with the first date jitters. You can read Brad’s guide to online dating to help with some develop first date questions if you get stuck and don’t know what to say. However, it’s also good to think about your own approach as a list of questions is a start, but not necessarily the end of the planning.
It’s not easy meeting a stranger for the first time and sometimes nerves can get the best of you. This is particularly true with the early first dates. What I mean is when you’re still somewhat new to online dating or having had a date in a while: the first time you get back out there can be stressful. So how do you deal with it? I can only speak for myself and some of the things that have worked for me, but let me share some thoughts:
A First Date Doesn’t Need Fight or Flight
Remember this is not a life or death situations this is a coffee with someone hopefully that you are interested in. Your body might try to convince you it’s life or death, with a racing heart or sweaty palms, but it’s not. Try to remind yourself that they agreed to meet you so you already have that going for you. Odds are that they are interested in you…or at least interested in finding out if they are interested in you. So keeping this in mind and half the battle is won. They like you-you like them (or we each hope that will be the case). Now it’s just the time to see if you click.
Now you might find it hard to convince your body/mind that this first date is a safe and good thing. If so, try taking some slow, deep breaths. It’s okay to be stressed, but it’s best if you can avoid allowing the stress to create a bad first impression. Sometimes a “bad” first impression is just you not really being yourself so try to fight through it so the other person really gets to meet the real you.
Nerves Go Both Ways
Everyone get’s nervous and if someone says they don’t get nervous on first dates, chances are that they are lying. So, I say just go with it. Consider the idea of telling the other person that you’re feeling nervous. Chances are they are too or they will respond with empathy and understanding and tell you that there is no reason to be. This actually can serve as something of an icebreaker: it helps you be real and allows for some interesting conversations. And you don’t even have to frame it as being new to dating (even if that’s the case). You could comment about how you hear some many stories about bad first dates so you always get a bit nervous. This could then open the door to talk about bad first date stories you each have heard, which can be fun and a good way to get settled in.
Once that ice is broken it’s pretty much game on and the conversations can come more naturally. But let’s just say for the argument you have high anxiety and you’re still nervous even after your date has assured you there is nothing to worry about. What can you do? One way to calm yourself is to reset your focus. If your listening to negative thoughts in your head then it’s almost impossible to listen to what your date has to say. Focus in on what they are saying. Being a good listener also helps us to be great conversationalists so you get a two for one: change what you’re concentrating on while investing in what your date has to say. When you focus on them, it takes you out of your own head and allows you to respond without overthinking. I know that I can be my own worst enemy, and these techniques have worked for me.
Create the Right Environment
I’ll go on to say that you might want to have a backup plan for in case that things don’t go the right direction…or even worse than that! When you’re planning the first date, keep things light, there’s no need for a major outing on a first date. I also feel like the “keep things simple” approach for first dates helps with the nerves too. You’re not going to some huge event or something you need to blow up in your mind as a huge deal. Instead, it can just be grabbing coffee or ice cream and leave it at that.
One other benefit of keeping it simple is you can also start off by keeping it short. With this approach, if you find you’re not connecting well with your date then you can have relief in the fact that you intentionally kept the first date short. In his guide, Brad talks about how he would intentionally tell women he was meeting he could only do a quick meet up for 30 minutes. This way, if the date wasn’t going well, everyone was ready to move on anyway and he didn’t have to come up with an awkward excuse for leaving. On the flip side, if you only schedule 30 minutes but you’re having a great time, you still have an opportunity to ask if they have time to extend the date.
Other Tips and Thoughts for the First Date
Before you go to the coffee shop or wherever you’re meeting, take a few deep breaths. This could be in your car or as you’re walking to the destination. Try and focus on the now. When you get there and meet them, just be with that person and what’s happening right in front of you. Don’t try and be a fortune teller and look into the future. Don’t turn into your own worst critic and mentally kick yourself for everything you say. Listen to your gut if you get a strange vibe. Maybe take action by having a girlfriend call you. If your gut says that things are good then follow that. I can’t stress enough that you need to not let your thoughts carry you away. Meaning, don’t be in your head too much. Try and stay focused on the task at hand.
Go with the flow there’s not always going to be ongoing conversation a few gaps here and there are natural.
I have heard it a million times and have also said it myself “just be yourself.” This is a bit cliche but I think another way of saying it is “be honest”. I know it feels tough to really be honest…but people appreciate honesty. If you try to hard you come off as fake and if you lie well then it goes without saying that you will eventually get caught. Even if you don’t get caught outright, many people are going to pick up on that things aren’t quite right. When you’re willing, to be honest about who you are and what you enjoy, that will often create a fresh and unique experience for the person you’re with and you’ll sound much more interesting than just spouting off the same things everyone else is saying (because they think they have to) Like the saying goes honesty is the best policy.
I know for me sometimes I can use the nervousness to my advantage. I let myself talk it out. Run at the mouth so to speak. I use the nervous energy to speak it all out. It has had a positive effect for me to say how I’m feeling and whats going on in my head. However, this isn’t necessarily great for everyone! Some of us have things running through our heads that maybe shouldn’t be shooting out without thought. So your results may vary here. I’m not saying spout off like a loon here. I’m saying use the nervous energy to drive you to talk.
To reemphasize a point I made earlier, I’ll share a recent experience. I was on a first date not too long ago. I was nervous and I realized I was nervous because I wanted to see this woman beyond the first date. So, I mustered up my courage and I told her how I was feeling and what I was hoping. Her response was that she felt the same way. My point is if you say whats on your mind then you will find out the answers to the questions playing in your mind. Things don’t always go perfectly but it still feels like the best approach to me. My experience has been that communication is the key to it all. Without communication, nothing can move forward.
Sometimes You May Not Be Ready
One surefire way to kill a date is to let yourself get so nervous that you don’t talk and become awkward. Stay out of your head and stay in the game and being in the moment is the key. But some people just aren’t able to do it…or they convince themselves they can’t. To be totally honest, if you get to this point of not being able to speak and communicate with your date, then I would say that you may want to consider if you are really ready to date.
Knowing yourself and your limits is always a plus. If you don’t think you’re ready for a first date then don’t rush into anything. Take things slow. Let the other person know that you prefer to take things at a slow pace and would like to know more about them before you meet. I know for guys this is hard because from my experience some women express that they don’t want to be pen pals for a long period of time. If he or she is not willing to wait to meet you then are there other things you can do to make yourself more comfortable? Maybe a walk in a park would be better than sitting face to face. I know some people like that more. Or maybe keeping the date short would help or even memorizing a few questions you want to start out with.
So, maybe you’re feeling your not ready for a first date, but you want to be. You can do a few things to get yourself prepared and one that I recommend is Brad’s free guide to online dating. It is filled with great ideas to help us along the way. He goes step by step and even gives you questions and scenarios you can use and learn from. There are no guarantees in online dating, and what may work for one person may not work for another, but there are some simple guides that everyone can relate to and use to their advantage.
All in all meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-racking. It’s how you deal with the nerves that matter. As always you can Google how to deal with first date nervousness, and there are plenty of articles out there to help (just like this one!). I can only speak to what has helped me and what methods I used. I hope that you found this article somewhat helpful and that you know have some tools to help you on your next first date. If you have any helpful hints please feel free to leave them in the comment section. Thank you for taking the time to read, and good luck in your search for love.
Online dating is a fast lane towards human connection, but this doesn’t necessarily mean it is a quick stop to real intimacy. When we clearly state our needs and intentions with an online profile, we are more likely to attract people who’s needs and desires align with our own. This increases our likelihood of lasting connection, however it remains our responsibility to build a real and quality connection. The good news is that this doesn’t have to be a long process. Time deepens intimacy, but I have learned a few intimacy hacks to start bringing you and your date closer together on a genuine heart level.
Open & Honest Communication
It is an universal need to be seen and accepted for who we are. Set yourself up to be truly seen by beginning your relationship on an honest tone with open communication.
This begins as early as your profile. Be sure to communicate clearly what you are truly looking for: long term relationship? No strings attached? Monogamy?
When you meet someone you like, your first date should continue to reflect yourself honestly. It is common to put on a persona in order to appear more attractive to somebody, especially if we project and pretend to know what they want of us. Skip the games and set an intention together for honesty and clarity.
This goes hand in hand with open and honest communication. We are only able to communicate ourselves honestly when we give empathy towards ourselves, feeling our truths and therefore translating our needs and feelings to words. When we learn how to give empathy to ourselves, we can offer empathy to others. In their speech, we can listen more deeply to hear the underlying expression being made, which is often about a need being or not being met. When people feel there are received empathically, connection instantly develops because they feel seen.
I love eye gazing. I have been to a few intimacy building workshops and eye gazing practices have always been my favourite. Invite your date to make eye contact with you. To encourage comfort, you can set the boundary of eye gazing for 3 minutes, to ease the pressure of “when am I supposed to look away?”. While eye gazing, you can sit quietly and experience the flood of feelings in your own body as you observe and are observed. To take it a step further, you can begin to talk to each other. While eye gazing, you can state your intentions for the connection, such as, “I value honesty and it is my intention to get to know you for who you truly are, and to show you my authenticity.”
Some workshops I have attended included enjoyable games suited for those interested in pushing their boundaries. For example, while eye gazing, your date asks you, “How are you feeling?” You offer a response. Then, your date asks you again, “How are you feeling?” And you offer another response. Like this, your date continues to ask you how you are feeling and your responses reveal a series of present emotions both at the surface and under the surface. Then, you can change roles.
Remember to Breathe
Yes, really. Get into the habit of checking in with yourself about your breathing. You might be surprised about how often you discover you’re holding your breath or taking shallow breaths. Whether feeling nervous, excited, or even bored, controlling your breathing is a key to influencing your nervous system to remain relaxed and balanced. This impacts the way you speak, hold your body, and supports presence in your connection. Believe it or not, all of these positive results actually make you more attractive because you will be giving off a calm and self-controlled vibe. Never underestimate the power of even breathing!
You have all of the power you need to develop intimacy! If one person is closed to connection, remember this reflects nothing about you, rather their own readiness and openness. As long as you remain centred in your heart and available to see and be seen, real human connection is bound to enter your life.