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Learning how to cut cheese is one of the most important skills a cheese slut can master. Whether you’re breaking down a wheel of brie or slicing up a wedge of gouda, the way you cut it affects the taste and texture of the cheese. So, how do you cut cheese the right way? 
 
Cut the Cheese 
How you slice a wedge of cheese isn’t just about aesthetics: it affects the way a cheese tastes and feels in your mouth. Every cheese has a preference for how it wants to be cut, and you can always tell based on its shape. Here’s a helpful little guide on how to cut cheese the right way.

If you’re building a platter, you don’t need to cut up every cheese completely. I actually recommend against it, because if not all the cheese is consumed, then the slices will deteriorate fast versus an intact wedge that will keep longer. However, making the first incision will help guide your guests and prevent mangled cheese. 
How to Cut Cheese, According to its Shape

Flora from Capriole

Round 
You’re aiming for a perfect rind-to-paste ratio, so try to slice it into wedges just like you would a pie or cake. Start by slicing in half, then turn and cut it in half again so you have quarters. Continue bisecting into smaller pieces, depending on the wheel’s overall size. Each piece should be half an ounce.
Examples: Bonne Bouche from Vermont Creamery, Camembert from France, Mt Tam from Cowgirl Creamery
 

Red Rock from Roelli Cheese Haus

Square
It’s the same philosophy as the round wheel: you want a little rind and a little paste. Slice into triangles just like you would a grilled cheese. Cut it in half diagonally, corner to corner. Then, cut in half from the opposite corners so that it’s in quarters. Bisect perpendicularly, from both top-to-bottom and side-to-side.
Examples: Taleggio from Italy, Pont-l’Évêque from France, or block cheddar like Red Rock
 

How to Cut Cheese

Log
These are usually soft goats. Slice into coins, about 1/4 “ thick. If it has a large diameter, like bucheron, you can then cut it like a pie, the same way you would cut a round wheel.
Examples: Saint-Maure, Cana de Cabra, fresh chévre
 

Valençay from France with lavender jelly

Pyramid
You’re going to take the same approach as you would a square for this small category of bloomy-rinded cheeses. Keeping the bottom flat, cut in half from corner to corner. Then, cut in half perpendicularly on both sides. 
Examples include Capriole Pipers Pyramid, Baetje Farms Bloomsdale, and Valençay 
 

Greensward from Murray’s Cheese

Spruce-Wrapped Rounds

Keep these ladies inside their bark, or they’ll ooze all over the place. Use a paring knife to carefully slice all the way around the top rind, just inside the bark. Slowly peel back and remove the top rind, then stick a spoon in her creamy center. You can also just take off half the top rind, which makes for a sexy, scantily clad presentation.
Examples: Vacherin Mont d’Or from France, Harbison from Jasper Hill Farm, or Rush Creek Reserve from Uplands Cheese. 

 

French Comté

Rectangle
These guys come in huge wheels and are very aged, so they’re going to have a lot of deep flavors. The key to accessing those flavors is surface area, meaning you want thin slices rather than cubes. Use a very sharp knife and slice them 1/8” thick lengthwise, from the top rind to the bottom rind. 
Examples: Gruyère, Emmentaler, and Comté
 

Pleasant Ridge Reserve from Uplands with onion jam

Triangular Wedge
You also want a lot of surface area here, so keep the slices thin. Cut off the top and bottom rind, then slice lengthwise into thin triangles. Leave the back rind on to use as a handle, like pizza crust.
Examples: Manchego, Pleasant Ridge Reserve, and Tomme
 

Big Woods Blue with dark chocolate, 34 Degrees chocolate crisps, and Fat Toad Farm goat’s milk caramel.

Crumbly Cheeses
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never get a clean cut from a super fudgy blue or a crunchy aged cheese. They just want to crumble, so let them. Set out a large “showpiece” and crumble a portion into snackable chunks with the tip of a knife.
Maytag Blue, Parmigiano, Aged Gouda
 

The post How To Cut Cheese the Right Way appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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All the hot, gooey glory of spinach artichoke dip, smothered in puddles of melted fontina.

This spinach and artichoke grilled cheese is a garlic obliteration. It will ruin your breath for days, but you’ll be so sexually satisfied by it you won’t even care. It’s all velvety, stretchy cheese perfection with some veggies in there, swimming in cheese as if that’s where they belonged.

You can use any good melter, but I prefer Fontina for it’s mild, tangy flavor and slight funk. She really works it next to the cloves on cloves of garlic that I grated into this bad boi. I recommend using Asiago and Provolone, too.

Spinach Artichoke Grilled Cheese

Makes 2 sandwiches
Heavily adapted from this open-faced toastie from Deb Perelman

Ingredients//

  • 2 shallots, sliced
  • 1 teaspoon olive oil
  • 3 cups baby spinach, rinsed and dried
  • 2 oil-marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
  • 3 large garlic cloves, grated
  • 2 teaspoons lemon juice 
  • 2 oz. fresh chèvre, at room temperature
  • 4 ½”-thick slices sourdough
  • 4oz fontina cheese, sliced
  • 2 teaspoons mayonnaise 
Equipment//
  • Nonstick pan
  • Mesh sieve + a bowl to catch the juices
  • Spatula
Method//
  1. Pour olive oil into the pan and heat over medium.
  2. Add shallots and a little salt, then cook for about 5 minutes until they’re golden and fragrant.
  3. Toss in the spinach and stir until it’s all wilted, about 3 minutes.
  4. Add the garlic, artichokes, and lemon juice. Stir to combine, then cook for 5 more minutes.
  5. Let cool, then place mixture in a sieve over a bowl. Squeeze the spinach mixture to release as much liquid as possible. 
  6. Add the chevre to the spinach mixture and toss until combined.
  7. Spread 1/2 the mixture onto one side of the sourdough. Layer Fontina on top, then close the sandwich.
  8. Smear both of the outer sides of the sourdough with mayo.
  9. Cook over medium for 5 minutes on each side, until outside is golden brown and delicious.
  10. Repeat with the other sandwich, then go to town on that thang!
Notes //
  • Save that spinach juice and use it as a dressing for a grain salad. It adds a ton of delicious lemon garlic flavor! 

Spinach Artichoke Grilled Cheese
Ingredients
  1. 2 shallots, sliced
  2. 1 teaspoon olive oil
  3. 3 cups baby spinach, rinsed and dried
  4. 2 oil-marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
  5. 3 large garlic cloves, grated
  6. 2 teaspoons lemon juice
  7. 2 oz. fresh chèvre, at room temperature
  8. 4 ½"-thick slices sourdough
  9. 4oz fontina cheese, sliced
  10. 2 teaspoons mayonnaise
Instructions
  1. Pour olive oil into the pan and heat over medium.Add shallots and a little salt, then cook for about 5 minutes until they're golden and fragrant.
  2. Toss in the spinach and stir until it's all wilted, about 3 minutes.
  3. Add the garlic, artichokes, and lemon juice. Stir to combine, then cook for 5 more minutes.
  4. Let cool, then place mixture in a sieve over a bowl. Squeeze the spinach mixture to release as much liquid as possible.
  5. Add the chevre to the spinach mixture and toss until combined.
  6. Spread 1/2 the mixture onto one side of the sourdough.
  7. Layer Fontina on top, then close the sandwich.
  8. Smear both of the outer sides of the sourdough with mayo.
  9. Cook over medium for 5 minutes on each side, until outside is golden brown and delicious.
  10. Repeat with the other sandwich, then go to town on that thang!
Adapted from Spinach and Artichoke Melts by Deb Perelman
Cheese Sex Death https://www.cheesesexdeath.com/

The post Spinach Artichoke Grilled Cheese appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Grilled Cheese

Basically the Porn Stars of Cheese

Every cheese is beautiful and talented in their own way, but some are just better at melting than others. How well a cheese can melt depends on its moisture content, age, and acidity. Old, grateables like Parmigiano aren’t flexible enough to melt. Tangy freshies like feta and goat cheese soften, but won’t get gooey. And squishies like brie and Taleggio liquefy into an oozing puddle when heated. So, how do you know which cheeses will melt into stretchy seduction?

The best melting cheeses are young, semi-firm fatties like the sexy porn stars below. For best results, always use these queens at room temperature and grate them fresh. 

1. Low-Moisture Mozzarella

All hail the pizza queen! This mild mistress is made by heating and hand-stretching the curd, so she always makes the best cheese pull. Low-moisture types have a lot less moisture than fresh mozz, which turns into a soggy mess when heated. 

2.Provolone

This Italian stallion is stretched just like mozzarella, but she’s packing a funkier flavor. Get yourself some hot ciabatta and panini her up with prosciutto, roasted tomatoes, and a drizzle of balsamic vinegar.

French onion soup grilled cheese with Gruyère-style cheese

3. Gruyère

You’ll find this Swiss seductress draped over French onion soup, whisked into fondue, and stuffed inside Croque Madames. I especially love her on this French onion soup grilled cheese.

4. Fontina

Funky Fontina is an Alpine-style cheese just like Gruyère, but made in Italy. She’s sporting a silky, supple bod and a slightly beefy flavor that begs for a chargrilled burger and some roasted red peppers.

Young cheddar on some tater thots

5. Young AF Cheddar

The older a cheddar gets, the more acidic, dry, and crumbly it becomes. That means it’s more likely to separate when heated. Look for blocks that are a year old or younger, and definitely try it melted over tater thots.

6. Raclette

This slightly stanky Frenchie is made for the melt! Traditionally heated under a grilled and scraped onto potatoes, Raclette will add a little funky kink to grilled cheese, mac, or even a hot and willing sausage.

Fresh curds with bacon pepper jelly in a grilled cheese

7. Fresh Curds

Basically cheddar in its infancy, fresh curds are young, moist, and serve up a satisfyingly chewy stretch. Chop them up and pair with bacon on a grilled cheese or bake them into a breakfast strata

Queso Oaxaca Quesadilla

8. Queso Oaxaca

This mild, milky Mexican queen melts like the lovechild between Monterey Jack and semi-firm mozzarella. Stuff her into Enchiladas, slide her into a quesadilla, bake her into fundido—she can do it all.

Pretty gouda grilled cheese

9. Young Gouda

Save the crunchy aged goudas for your platters. Creamy, tangy, and slightly sweet, young gouda makes a sexy little canvas for all kinds of flavor combinations. Slice thin, melt onto a hot slice of wheat toast, then top with sliced green apple and honey.

The post The 9 Best Melting Cheeses appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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This is a paid post sponsored by the good people at Fromagination.  I am receiving a commission on the sale of each box, as well. All opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting the cheese church! 

I made you a cheese box!

I am stoked to announce my first hand-curated cheese box! That’s right, cheese sluts: you can get everything you see above on that sexy platter in one sultry little package from Fromagination, a glorious cheese shop in Madison, Wisconsin. This box is stuffed with some of my all-time favorite Wisconsin treasures, the kinds of lovers that will warm your soul in these final frosty weeks before the warm weather finally returns. I know it’s technically spring, but here in the midwest it’s going to be cold until May, so I wanted to have one last hurrah with my favorite cozy winter flavors. That’s why I stuffed this little treasure chest with my favorite comfort cheeses and accompaniments from the holy land of Wisconsin. 

Click here to purchase The Moody Blue Box for $55 plus shipping, and use code “CHEESESEXDEATH” for 10% off. Scroll down to learn more about what’s in this sassy little box of pleasure. 

This is a paid post sponsored by the good people at Fromagination.  I am receiving a commission on the sale of each box, as well. All opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting the cheese church! 

I stan a great cheese shop, so I was honored when Fromagination reached out to me about collaborating on this box. I’ve only visited Madison twice, but this little shop is one of my favorite spots in the city. They have amazing mongers and carry my favorite Wisconsin cheeses and accompaniments, so I had a great time perusing their bomb selection for this box.

Without further ado, let’s walk through the first hand-curated Cheese Sex Death cheese box and talk about what’s inside.

This is a paid post sponsored by the good people at Fromagination.  I am receiving a commission on the sale of each box, as well. All opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting the cheese church! 

Here’s what you get in The Moody Blue Box:

1/3lb Roelli Cheese Haus Red Rock

A tangy lil’ cheddar pierced with a fudgy lil’ line of blue funk. I love the rind on her, too; it tastes like fresh forest soil in the best way.

1/3 lb Bleu Mont Dairy Bandaged Cheddar

Also a cheddar, but she’s clothbound so she has a much more crumbly body with notes of summer grass, juicy pineapple, and a cavey finish. This sexy lady is one of my favorite clothbound cheddars of all time! 

1/3 lb Ewe Calf to be Kidding from Hook’s

Made with goat’s, sheep’s, and cow’s milk, this boisterous beauty is a total triple threat! She’s a bold blue that tastes like buttermilk and is amazing crumbled onto a salad with roasted beets.

Pear with Honey & Ginger Preserves from Quince & Apple

This sweet and spicy lil’ jam will tame even the wildest of blues. She loves to flirt with a crumbly cheddar, too.

Fig & Black Tea Preserves from Quince & Apple

My favorite fig jam! I love how the gentle spice play with Red Rock’s earthy notes. 

Spiced Pecans from Treat

These nuts belong on every cheese board! They’re sweet and spicy and absolutely dank with any aged cheese. 

Caramelized Onion Crackers

Potter’s make some of the best crackers out there. The caramelized onion flavor is sinfully addictive, especially with these boisterous and burly cheeses. 

Click here to purchase The Moody Blue Box for $55 plus shipping, and use code CHEESESEXDEATH for 10% off! Please note that due to the delicate nature of cheese, shipping is pricey. In order to make sure these sexy girls get to you in tiptop shape, you do need to use overnight shipping which costs about $20 to Wisconsin’s neighboring states and goes up from there. I hope you love this box as much as I do!

This is a paid post sponsored by the good people at Fromagination. I am receiving a commission on the sale of each box, as well as payment for the content I created for this box. All opinions are my own. Thank you all for supporting the cheese church! 

The post Cheese Sex Death Cheese Box with Fromagination appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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Welcome to chévre season, cheese sluts

Spring is prime time for fresh, tangy goat cheese. Right now all the momma goats are giving birth to their babies, which means they’re getting milked! This first batch of liquid gold is all kinds of thick, delicious, and rich with, protein, minerals, and fats. Those hot mamas are also headed back out to pasture to munch on the sweet, juicy first blades of spring grass and bathe in the sun. All of this results in some serious dank fresh goat cheese: fluffy little clouds of heaven with lemony, herbaceous notes.

Go stock up on the freshest, most local chevre you can find, and pleasure yourself with that sweet, fresh, spreadable lovin’. Here are 17 ideas for how to pair it up.

Melted onto sourdough toast with honeycomb, thyme, and black sesame seeds.Crumbled onto avocado toast, lube it up with EVOO and also finish with black sesame seeds. 

Schmeared onto a toasted bagel with tomato slices and lots of salt and pepper.

Sprinkled into your scrambled eggs and let them melt into fluffy crowns of cream.

Dolloped onto pancakes or even this buckwheat dutch baby with bourbon peaches.Smeared onto chocolate wafer cookies and drizzled with honey ’cause it tastes like a fancy Oreo.

Showered onto a hot, bubbling shakshuka with silken yolks yearning to erupt.Melted into a grilled cheese, nestled in with a melty little cheddar and a swipe of garlicky artichoke tapenade. 

Spread onto a crunchy little cracker and washed down with a cold and dewy glass of rosé 

This is 100% a picture of burrata on a cracker with peach rosemary jam, but you can also do this with chèvre.

Alongside something floral, sudsy, and a little sweet, like a frothing Hefeweizen or Belgian white ale.

Marinated in olive oil and herbs, then smeared onto warm bread. Whipped with chives and stuffed inside mini sweet peppers.

Mixed into a salty, savory cheese ball that’s coated with everything bagel seasoning.Mixed into a sweet, decadent cheese ball that’s filled with fine shavings of white chocolate, orange zest, spices and covered with cranberries. Whipped with maple syrup and spread onto warm pumpkin or banana bread.

Whisked with cocoa, spices, and almond butter for the most decadent chocolate truffle you’ll ever taste.Baked into a cheesecake and covered with roasted tart cherries.

Transformed into a lucuious panna cotta dirt cake, with the gummy worms.

The post These Goat Cheese Pairings Will Bring You Back to Life appeared first on Cheese Sex..

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Will you accept this baked brie?

What do you do when you’re feeling ripe and ready for spring but it’s still cold AF outside and your vit D deficiency is at its peak? You make a baked brie with floral flavors and all the hot, oozing comfort your bod craves. This voluptuous vixen is smothered with rose water-kissed honey, baked ’til gooey, and finished with a salty little sprinkle of pistachios. Let her take you through these final frosty weeks with that saucy sweet lovin’.

I used Comeback Cow from Dorothy’s Creamery for this recipe because has a naturally buttery flavor with a hint of almonds, so it took on the floral honey and salted pistachios very nicely. They also sponsored a couple of Instagram posts for me, so shout out to them for supporting the cheese church! 

Rose Honey-Baked Brie
Serves 1 – 2
Ingredients //
  • 1 6-8oz wheel of brie, room temperature
  • 2 tablespoons local honey (preferably something light like clover) 
  • 1/4 teaspoon rosewater
  • 1 tablespoon roasted pistachios, chopped
  • black pepper
  • 1 French demi baguette
 
Equipment //
  • Cazuela or brie-baking dish
Method //
  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. Slice off the rind on one side of Comeback Cow, careful not to remove the inner paste. 
  3. Place wheel inside a cazuela or other small baking dish, rind-side down.
  4. Whisk together the honey and rosewater until thoroughly combined.
  5. Pour 1 tablespoon of the rose honey over the brie and sprinkle with black pepper. 
  6. Bake for 10 minutes, until oozing and gooey. Put the baguette in the oven too so it gets all warm and flakey. 
  7. Drizzle the rest of the honey over the brie, then finish with the pistachios.
  8. Slice up the baguette and dunk into that hot, gooey cheese.
Notes //
  • You can find rose water online and at any supermarket with a global section. 
  • Make sure your brie is at room temperature. It will bake more evenly and is less likely to separate. 

Rose Honey-Baked Brie
Ingredients
  1. 6-8oz wheel of brie, room temperature
  2. 2 tablespoons local honey (preferably something light like clover)
  3. 1/4 teaspoon rosewater
  4. 1 tablespoon roasted pistachios, chopped
  5. black pepper1
  6. French demi baguette
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. Slice off the rind on one side of the brie, careful not to remove the inner paste.
  3. Place wheel inside a cazuela or other small baking dish, rind-side down.
  4. Whisk together the honey and rosewater until thoroughly combined.
  5. Pour 1 tablespoon of the rose honey over the brie and sprinkle with black pepper.
  6. Bake for 10 minutes, until oozing and gooey. Put the baguette in the oven too so it gets all warm and flakey.
  7. Drizzle the rest of the honey over the brie, then finish with the pistachios.
  8. Slice up the baguette and dunk into that hot, gooey cheese.
Notes
  1. You can find rose water online and at any supermarket with a global section.
  2. Make sure your brie is at room temperature. It will bake more evenly and is less likely to separate.
Cheese Sex Death https://www.cheesesexdeath.com/

The post Rose Honey-Baked Brie with Pistachios appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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In the unlikely event that you have leftover cheese,make this frittata
When I have to cut the cheese for my classes, events, and pop-ups, I usually find myself with a ton of leftover nubs and crumbles that aren’t cute enough to serve on a platter. Those little bits are basically ticking timebombs too: the smaller the piece of cheese, the quicker it will deteriorate and become inedible. My favorite way to use them up is in a giant cheesy frittata that I can pleasure myself with throughout the week. 
 
I packed this guy with shallots, bacon, and butternut squash because those flavors work really well with this blue gouda I had on hand. You can try it with other veggies, too though. Get creative, or just thrifty with what you have on hand. 

Leftover Cheese Frittata
Serves 6 – 8
Ingredients//
  • 4 strips bacon, quartered
  • 2 small shallots, sliced
  • 1 sprig rosemary, stripped from the stem and chopped
  • 1/2 butternut squash, seeded, skinned, and thinly sliced
  • 4 eggs, whisked and seasoned with salt
  • 12oz assorted cheese at room temp, chopped
  • Salt
Equipment//
  • 10” cask iron skillet
Method//
  1. Put a 10” cask iron skillet over medium heat.
  2. Add the bacon and cook until browned and curly. Remove from the pan and leave the fat.
  3. Add the shallots to the fat and season with a pinch of salt. Cook for 5 minutes, until golden and soft.
  4. Sprinkle in the rosemary and cook for 2 minutes. 
  5. Add the squash, stir to coat, and cook for 2 min.
  6. Return bacon to the skillet, and pour the eggs over everything.
  7. Stir to coat, then cover everything with the cheese.
  8. Cook at 350 for 20 min. Serve with a light salad.
Notes//
  • Melting cheeses should make up the majority, like fontina, cheddar, etc.
  • Add some soft cheese rinds too, like from brie. They’ll bring some dank, earthy flavor.
  • I like to add a bunch of kale, too. Just rinse, dry, remove the stem, chop, and add before the squash. 

Leftover Cheese Frittata
Ingredients
  1. 4 strips bacon, quartered
  2. 2 small shallots, sliced
  3. 1 sprig rosemary, stripped from the stem and chopped
  4. 1/2 butternut squash, seeded, skinned, and thinly sliced
  5. 4 eggs, whisked and seasoned with salt
  6. 12oz assorted cheese at room temp, chopped
  7. Salt
Instructions
  1. Put a 10” cask iron skillet over medium heat.Add the bacon and cook until browned and curly. Remove from the pan and leave the fat.Add the shallots to the fat and season with a pinch of salt. Cook for 5 minutes, until golden and soft.Sprinkle in the rosemary and cook for 2 minutes. Add the squash, stir to coat, and cook for 2 min.Return bacon to the skillet, and pour the eggs over everything.Stir to coat, then cover everything with the cheese.Cook at 350 for 20 min. Serve with a light salad.
Notes
  1. Melting cheeses should make up the majority, like fontina, cheddar, etc.
  2. Add some soft cheese rinds too, like from brie. They'll bring some dank, earthy flavor.
  3. I like to add a bunch of kale, too. Just rinse, dry, remove the stem, chop, and add before the squash.
Cheese Sex Death https://www.cheesesexdeath.com/

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CHEESE | SEX | DEATH by Erika Kubick - 2M ago
Tater Tot Nachos aka THOTS
These are tater thots and they’re here to have a good time. They’re basically nachos, but with tots. No soggy chips, just crisp, crunchy potato clouds blanketed with melted cheddar and all those other toppings that make nachos so dreamy. Top and consume these little taters quickly, you don’t want your cheese to coagulate in your cold ass kitchen.

Naked Thots

Tater Thots
Serves 2 (lol, really 1)
Ingredients//
  • 1/2 bag of frozen tater tots
  • 4 oz cheddar, shredded
  • 1/2 Avocado Chunked
  • 2 tablespoons of sour cream or greek yogurt
  • 3 tablespoons pickled shallots
  • Hot sauce, cilantro, and lime wedges
Method//
  1. Cook tots based on the package instructions. 
  2. Decrease heat to 350°F. 
  3. Cover the tots with cheddar, and let it melt in the oven for 10 minutes.
  4. Top hot thots in this order: avocado, lime squirt, a little salt on the avo chunks, sour cream, pickled shallots, hot sauce, cilantro, and another lime squirt. Enjoy with abandon.

Notes//

  • If you can’t find pickled shallots, use this recipe.
  • I used Siggi’s because I forgot to buy sour cream. It was very tangy and very delicious. 
  • Make sure your cheddar is room temperature. It melts so much better.
  • There is Sriracha in the picture because it has the sexiest drizzle, but I prefer Valentina black label. 
Tater Thots
Ingredients
  1. 1/2 bag of frozen tater tots
  2. 4 oz cheddar, shredded
  3. 1/2 Avocado Chunked
  4. 2 tablespoons of sour cream or greek yogurt
  5. 3 tablespoons pickled shallots
  6. Hot sauce, cilantro, and lime wedges
Instructions
  1. Cook tots based on the package instructions.
  2. Decrease heat to 350°F. Cover the tots with cheddar, and let it melt in the oven for 10 minutes.
  3. Top hot thots in this order: avocado, lime squirt, a little salt on the avo chunks, sour cream, pickled shallots, hot sauce, cilantro, and another lime squirt.
  4. Enjoy with abandon.
Cheese Sex Death https://www.cheesesexdeath.com/
 

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I always say that cheese is the perfect whiskey wingman because all that fat slows the absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream, which means you can drink more whiskey. And, unlike wine, whiskey doesn’t have tannins, which dull your tastebuds. That means you can taste more cheese, too. I’ve been pleasuring myself with this pairing for years, so I obviously fell head over heels when I discovered @whiskey_curd, an Instagram account devoted to their union complete with dark, sexy pix. I recently asked (read: begged) Nathan Six, the brains behind this sensual feed, to create a pairing guide so all of us could enjoy his enchanting expertise. We got lucky, ’cause here it is in all its high-proof glory. Bookmark this one cheese sluts, you’ll want to reference it on the regs. – Erika

How to Pair Cheese and Whiskey
by Nathan Six of @whiskey_curd

Cheese was my first love, and I fell for whiskey a few years later. Once my two worlds collided, I discovered how seamlessly the two went together. Finding the right pairings requires a lot of trial and error. I spend most weekends exploring new variations and researching what others have done for inspiration. It’s something I am extremely passionate about, and I would spend every minute exploring this world if given the chance.

Alpha Tolman Cheese and a Rye Manhattan. Photo by Cheese Sex Death.

First of all, why would you pair cheese with whiskey?

When it comes to pairing cheese, most people think about wine first. But here’s the thing: wine has tannins, a naturally occurring polyphenol found in plants, seeds, and fruit skins. It’s the textural element that makes some wines taste dry, and they can also dull your taste buds, making it harder to taste the cheese. Whiskey doesn’t have enough tannins to affect your palate, so you’ll get to enjoy more of the flavors and complexities. Like with any good pairing, you want the cheese and whiskey to complement each other. One should bring out new characteristics in the other that maybe you hadn’t tasted before, creating an entirely new experience.

So here’s my guide on how to pair cheese and whiskey yourself, and below that, you’ll find my all-time favorite pairings. I hope it helps you get started exploring this wild world.

Humboldt Fog and a Whiskey Sour. Photo by Cheese Sex Death

1. If you’re a beginner, start with bourbon.

If it’s your first time, start with bourbon. I have yet to find a cheese I couldn’t pair with it: the sweet vanilla and spice notes of a classic bourbon will complement everything from a buttery brie to a super funky blue. It’s a safe bet, and my go-to when I need a quick, no-fail pairing.

2. Try both cheese and whiskey alone first.

Get to know them as individuals and always enjoy them “neat”, meaning at room temperature with nothing added. Take the time to reflect on what you are tasting: this is a sensory experience that should be enjoyed slowly.

3. Begin with the cheese.

The fats and proteins in the cheese are going to coat your mouth, so take your time tasting it. Let the finish linger and allow the flavors to sink in. Once you’ve fully experienced the cheese’s flavor, move on to the whiskey. I will often nose the whiskey while remnants of the cheese remain in my mouth to allow the flavors to become acquainted. 

4. Taste them both at least 3 times before pairing them.

This applies to both cheese and whiskey: the first taste will be too intense to catch all the complexities. Upon the second taste, your taste buds will adjust and you can pull out more subtle notes. By the third, your palate will be fully acclimated and you’ll taste the full spectrum of flavors.

5. Remember that pairings are subjective.

First and foremost, pairings are going to be subjective. We all have different palates, so certain pairings won’t work for everyone. Your mood, the last thing you ate, and even hydration levels can have an effect on what and how you’re tasting.

OK, now that we have the basics covered, here are some whiskey and cheese pairings you need to try.

Hard Italian Cheeses and Japanese Whisky

Try Parmigiano Reggiano with Yamazaki 12 yr 

Real Parmigiano has a wonderful salty crunch and sharp fruity flavor that smooths out the whisky’s sweet floral and citrus notes, creating a round, complex pairing. Add a slice of prosciutto and some shaved dark chocolate for a truly decadent experience.

Hard Spanish Cheeses and Scotch

Try Manchego with Highland Park 12 yr 

Scotch is an ideal partner for the delicate, nutty flavors of Manchego, and look no further than Highland Park 12. This dram has notes of sweet honey, pear, and citrus with a slight peat that I love with Manchego’s mouth-coating flavors. If you want to add an additional layer, pair this up with Marcona almonds and quince paste.

Aged Gouda and Bourbon

Try Reypenaer 2 yr VSOP with Buffalo Trace Bourbon

Bourbon goes with nearly any cheese, but especially crunchy aged gouda like this 2-year-old Reypanaer. The older the gouda, the more butterscotch and salted caramel notes you’ll get. Match it with the spicy vanilla and molasses flavors in a good bourbon and find yourself in savory dessert heaven. Toss in some chocolate and a toasted marshmallow to seal the deal.

Goat Cheese and Irish Whiskey

Try Bucheron & Drunken Goat with Redbreast 12 yr 

Whether it’s fresh chèvre, semi-soft, or a bloomy rind, goat cheese has a distinct gamey and citrus flavor unlike any other cheese. The mellow sweet honeydew and fresh grass notes of the Redbreast tame the tangy punch and bring a mouthwatering complexity. I also love how the subtle biscuit notes complement the buttery smooth rind of Bucheron.

Alpine Cheeses and Rye or Canadian Whiskey

Try Gruyère with J.P.Wiser’s Legacy Canadian Whiskey

Gruyère is one of the most complex flavored cheeses: it’s creamy and bold with savory flavors of bone broth and caramelized onion. There are also earthy grass notes and a slight washed rind funk that emerges as you near the rind. Rye whiskey shares the same complex, sweet-yet-spicy profile, and when you pair the two up it’s a flavor roller coaster flavor that I just can’t get enough of.

Cheddars and Tennessee Whiskey

Try Quicke’s Clothbound with Jack Daniels Single Barrel Special Release

Cheddar is an unrivaled classic! Whether it’s nutty and complex, sharp and tangy, or crumbly with a crunch you can’t go wrong with any variety. I love pairing them up with this mellow, smooth, and sweet OG: Tennessee whiskey. It’s extremely similar to bourbon, but goes through a unique filtering process that mellows out the burn and leaves you with notes of sweet vanilla and banana bread. It’s a perfect sweet follow up to the tangy and creamy bite of cheddar.

Brie and Straight Corn Whiskey

Try Joan of Arc Double Crème Brie with Mellow Corn

This pairing has quickly become a favorite of mine. A room temperature brie is smooth and buttery with a slight funky flavor, which pairs well with the extra sweet, corn-forward whiskey and warm spicy finish that this Mellow Corn brings. This combination 100% tastes like buttered popcorn. Add a club cracker to the mix for an extra buttery crunch. Trust me, you’re going to want to try this one.

Blue Cheese and Scotch

Try Point Reyes Blue with Old Pulteney 12 yr and McCarthy’s Single Malt

Like a good peated scotch, blue cheese has a strong and in-your-face flavor profile that often requires some getting used to. I decided to do a double pairing because of the versatility of this cheese. Old Pulteney is as sweet as honey and has notes of fresh apples and pears. A perfect complement to mellow the strong pungent blue profile. On the other side, we have a sweet and smoky pour that magnifies the blues intensity. I would throw in a chunk of dark chocolate to further this sensory overload.

The post Guest Post: How to Pair Cheese and Whiskey by Nathan Six of @whiskey_curd appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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Big Woods Blue with dark chocolate, 34 Degrees chocolate crisps, and Fat Toad Farm goat’s milk caramel.

Nothing can cure seasonal depression the way cheese can. I strongly believe that pleasuring yourself with a sexy artisan wedge can be just as soothing and restorative as seeing your therapist. Since it’s the height of SAD season, here’s how to deal with that Vitamin D drop with ample dairy, as told by Cheese Sex Death intern Krista Sheley. Enjoy, my dear cheese sluts.- Erika

As a born and bred midwesterner and resident sad girl, I’ve had some serious battles with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during these dark winter months. Now, I’m not saying you should eat your feelings but if you’re under the weather, and it makes you feel better, go ahead and reach for that cheddar! Food policing is lame, and you don’t need that kind of negativity right now. Besides, cheese contains a lot of Vitamin D (aka the Sunshine Vitamin) so it’s basically medicine. Now let’s unwrap some wedges and bite the block in the name of self-care, y’all.

Here are 6 sexy cheeses to (over) indulge in when you’re feeling like a SAD cheese slut.

1. Big Woods Blue from Shepherds Way Farm

So you’re feeling Blue, how about a buttery wedge of Big Woods Blue from Shepherds Way Farm in Minnesota? It’s nice to have a little something sweet to tame the bitterness of depression, so get yourself a bar of dark chocolate to pair with this rich, nutty sheep’s milk cheese. Studies show that chocolate with a cocoa content of at least 85% can ease depression by helping your brain release feel-good serotonin. Even if you get a lighter cocoa, you’re in for a mood boost because the combination of earthy blue and rich, dark chocolate is nothing short of orgasmic. Not a fan of the bitterness? Top off that duo with a caramel and pull out an extra set of panties, because you’re gonna need them when that salty-sweetness hits your tongue!

2. Alp Blossom from Sennerei Huban

During these bleak, grey, days where the sun hides behind clouds and the trees are somber skeletons, I like to visit greenhouses and conservatories and invest in fresh flowers to remind myself that the winter will eventually end. This sexy Swiss has the same effect: Alp Blossom is a classic Alpine cheese covered in dried petals. This cheese is really damn good, boasting beefy flavors, notes of toasted walnut, and brown butter aromas with a supple, creamy finish. It’s perfect for snacking on its own but it’s also a real stunner on a cheese plate. Pair with a glass of rosé. You deserve it.

3. American Cheese ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For this next cheese, drop your pitchforks, suspend all disbelief and hear me out, because I’m talking about American Cheese. Yes, the processed, sliced cheese that I’m willing to bet holds childhood memories for most of us. Nostalgia is a powerful thing, and sometimes it can help loosen the grip of winter depression, at least for the duration of a grilled cheese sandwich or cheeseburger. Let its artificial golden coloring transport you to the summer backyard barbecues of yore, and try to take things a little less seriously for a moment.

4. 5-Year Cheddar from Face Rock Creamery

Can’t quite get down with the Singles? Cheddar also pulls at the heartstrings. Aged varieties have a more intense flavor and crumbly, crunchy texture. One of my personal favorites is Face Rock’s 5 Year Cheddar, which is bursting with seductive notes of fresh grass and that classic cheddar tang that always makes my mouth water. Pair with some roasted grapes, or melt atop a slice of warm apple pie, because “an apple pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze.”

Baked

5. Baked Brie

Sometimes misery loves company, and that’s when you want a cheese as sad and weepy as you are, like a classic baked brie. There’s no limit to the number of pairings that go along with a warmed and oozing brie, so let your imagination run wild with this one. During the winter, I like to top mine with candied walnuts, honey, and some fresh herbs. Walnuts are full of omega-3 fatty acids, which help with brain function. Add it to that gooey wheel and you’re in for an intensely sensual, sinful experience that’ll lift you right out of that forlorn funk.

6. Midnight Moon from Cypress Grove

If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em. As most goths worth their black salt know, sometimes it’s cathartic to embrace the dark half of the year. Dim the lights, draw the curtains, light some candles, sit with your feelings, and center yourself. While you’re self-examining, it’s nice to have something dependable to fall back on like gouda. Midnight Moon from Cypress Grove is a goat’s milk gouda, with a comforting brown butter flavor, dense richness, and crunchy crystals that’ll bring you back to the first time you listened to Sisters of Mercy. Pair with a malty beer, and indulge by candlelight.

The post 6 Cheeses to Overindulge in When You’re a SAD Cheese Slut appeared first on Cheese Sex Death.

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