I've been doing some deep reflection work the past few days, and throughout that shadowy (fucking difficult) stuff I came out asking myself:
"What has been the most helpful support for me as an artist and someone who wants to be of service in the world?"
And yes, the physical health is important. The self-care is key. The alignment in the work and wellness is insanely impactful.
But the biggest and most helpful thing others have done for me is this:
They shared their (similar) fucked up experiences in the non-profit and art world.
And this was SO important because suddenly, I felt like I wasn't the crazy one. I wasn't alone. The gaslighting and manipulation came to light, and now I can't unsee it. For years I thought I just wasn't strong enough. That I couldn't hack it. That I obviously just didn't have what it takes to use my work in a way that could be impactful for other people.
And the art world is really good at convincing us that if we're using our creativity in any place other than a gallery or museum we're not real artists, or we've sold out in some way (as if being compensated for your work is a bad thing lolololololol)
Once it became visible to me and I felt supported by others, I was able to actually empower myself to work within and around these systems... or try to change them... or reject them all together.
Being a creative already comes with it's own baggage of generally not being understood by many. But then to be treated like shit within the systems WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTED IN leads to most of us burning out within a few years, unable to continue the work that the world so desperately needs.
Because real talk: I've seen artists, writers, and musicians doing the work of connecting people in meaningful ways, but more on that later.
It was extremely helpful to know that others feel the way I do.
If you've felt this, I got you. I'm here to guide you though those feelings of fraudy-ness, of "what the fuck am I doing?" and "what comes next?"
I'm here to help you feel your best physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and then to do your best damn work in a way that feels relaxed, motivating, and sustainable.
No more of this feast or famine bullshit babe. You deserve stability, and I'm here to help you get it (in 90 Days!).
I always want to be one of those people that has all the holiday gifts done WAY in advance.
In reality, I’m always scrambling at the last minute (no shame)
So, if you’re still looking for a meaningful gift that will help your loved ones feel their damn best in 2019, might I suggest:
A ticket to the Capricorn New Moon Healing Circle on January 5th. This one-hour live online event includes a powerful guided meditation to reset for the new lunar cycle and new year, a PDF full of ideas for how to work with the current astrology, and an intention setting exercise to help you make the most of 2019. This new moon we’ll be talking all about abundance, money mindset, and clearing old energetic blocks.
A copy of Food For Thought - Food and Mood Journal. This 3-month journal helps you track what is most important - what you ate and how you felt. No counting calories or macros. Food For Thought is a guide to help you tap into your your inner knowing to discover the best diet for you in a fun, down-to-earth sort of way.
A 30-minute 1:1 Tarot/Oracle Reading with Cait. A gift card to a tarot reading is a great option for anyone who could use a little guidance, or for someone who is just interested in the metaphysical and connecting deeper to their intuition and guides. 1:1 sessions begin with a higher self-meditation to help strengthen the effects of the reading.
Growing up at the ocean you learn to watch the moon and the way it effects the tides and sea levels. Growing up in Jersey, folks love to blame the full moon for crazy drivers (news flash, jersey drivers are crazy 100% of the time).
But really, there’s something to all that. Astrology aside, let’s look at the fact that our bodies are mostly made of water. Consider the moon your connection to your own tides, your own ups and downs in energy, creative thinking, and productivity.
Incase you’re new to the energy of moon phases, here are the basics:
New Moon (when the moon is totally dark) - This is the start of a new lunar cycle and a time to set intentions for the month. What do you want to accomplish in the next 4 weeks? How do you want to feel?
First Quarter - The time to take action! You’ll be feeing a little extra oomph to get shit done, so take advantage of that.
Full Moon - Re-evaluate. What’s going well so far this lunar cycle? What isn’t? What do you need to release in order to keep moving forward?
Third Quarter - The lunar cycle is winding back down now. You may notice your energy is a little lower, so this is a great time to turn inward, give gratitude for the lessons you’ve learned, and consider what you’ll want to turn your attention to in the next cycle.
Then it’s back to the new moon!
Tracking the moon cycles (along with tracking my menstrual cycle which, incase you were wondering, totally match up!) has helped me to make sense of why one day I feel READY to take on the fucking world and the next I’m questioning everything. It can feel frustrating, but once you realize that this is the energy of the moon cycle, you realize that you can actually harness it to feel and do your best.
The new moon is such an important part of this as it completely sets the tone for the new cycle, especially when you’re setting intentions in a group. Solo rituals are always lovely, but when you’re sitting in circle with others who are making bold declarations about what they want in their lives, the energy is intensified for even more powerful manifestation and action.
Join me for a one-hour online healing ritual for the new moon in Sagittarius this Thursday, Dec 6th 7-8p EST. We’ll be setting goals and intentions for the new cycle, discussing the current astrology (so you can make the most of it) and using tarot, reiki, and meditation to feel your damn best this month!
You’ll also get access to the recording (incase you can’t make it live) and a PDF with guided exercises for the current energy and crystal and rituals to use in your own practice.
Even though summer is my favorite time of year by a landslide, it still seems like without fail amongst the warm nights and beach days, I have a depressive episode.
Let me be clear. I'm extremely lucky that I'm able to manage my depression without too much intervention. Mine tends to come and go (sometimes it's situational, sometimes it's completely random), but I know so many others who struggle with it chronically, everyday.
And like I said, even though my disposition in the summer is generally a more positive one, I usually have a period of a few weeks where I wake up and feel so awful and so negative, that it's hard to get out of bed and do basic things. Maybe it's Cancer/Leo season bringing up all my emotions. Maybe it's the expansiveness of the summer season, pulling things to the surface that need to be healed. Maybe it's completely arbitrary (as depression often is).
But every time it does happen, I check in with these four things. I thought you might find them helpful too.
Have I been sleeping? Lack of sleep literally affects every part of my life (if you know me personally, you know I have a strict bedtime for that reason). A few restless nights in a row have me feeling ROUGH, so this is always where I start. If I'm having trouble, I add a little magnesium to my diet with a supplement like Natural Calm, and try to add more magnesium-rich foods to my diet like spinach, avocado, and nuts.
How's my diet? Summer to me is party time, which means I get a little more relaxed about following my general paleo-esque meal plan. But I've realized through food and mood journaling that after doing this for many weeks, I can see old symptoms start to flare up, including anxiety, depression, and hormone imbalances.
Is it time to go back to therapy? I've been very upfront about how much I love therapy, and how helpful it has been in helping me find tools to calm my nervous mind. When a depression flare kicks in, it's a reminder for me to check in to see if I should go back to sessions if it's been a while, or if it's time to maybe use a different therapist. I think finding a therapist is like interviewing people for a job opening. If it's not feeling great, then it might be that this particular therapist is not the best fit for you.
Am I leaving space? Just like, blank open space? With nothing scheduled? I know it's hard to do, but damn having an hour or two with NOTHING on your calendar allows for magic to happen in so many ways.
Have you experienced the summer sads? What do you do to support yourself through it?
If you're feeling a little rough around the edges, you're not alone. The astrology has been intense this summer, and as we draw to a close of eclipse season (in prideful Leo, nonetheless) we're shifting in not-so-subtle ways. Eclipse season tends to create big changes in our lives, internal and external, which can leave us waking up feeling like we downed a bottle of tequila or got hit by an 18-wheeler the night before. Leo in particular asks us to examine the parts of ourselves we love, and the parts of ourselves we don't love, so we can move more fully into our badass selves. And that shadow work is important, but damn it's hard.
I personally have been experiencing super vivid dreams leaving me confused about my surroundings when I wake up, massive fatigue, big mood swings with lots of old crap coming up to the surface (stuff I thought was long healed) headaches, and lots and lots of brain fog.
I'm also in the middle of some huge changes in my life. In two weeks, I move to a new apartment (one that's walking distance to my day job!). I am feeling a creative resurgence after some major blocks. I'm being called to practice more spell-casting. I'm working on some big projects in my business and at my public service day job. I'm deeply examining the way I show up in my relationships. I am exploring the way I can deconstruct harmful patterns in myself, so I can deconstruct them in the world around me.
And although I'm so happy to be doing this work (I know it all serves my highest good and the good of others), I'm fucking exhausted.
So today I'm here to remind you that this internal and external work we do is vital to our wellbeing, even if it feels shitty in the process. Think of it as an emotional detox. We've been holding onto these negative thoughts and habits and patterns, and as we release them we experience them one more time. Up and out. Up and out. Up and out.
I had to call out of work at my part-time job yesterday because of a lingering gross chest cold, and I felt guilty as hell about it.
For those of you who don’t know me personally, I work part-time as a paraprofessional/aide for a student with cognitive impairment at the local high school. It’s a job I REALLY dig, and even on the craziest of days I have a damn good time hanging with these kids and the rest of the staff.
So understandably, I felt a little guilty for not being able to support them yesterday. But really when I think about it, I’ve felt this massive guilt about ANY and ALL jobs I’ve had to call out of, even for a super legitimate reason. Even if I knew they’d be 100% ok without me. Even if it was a crappy high school retail job I really didn’t give a shit about.
This is a topic that has come up in my free support group Radical Self-Care for Badass Babes as well, so I decided to dig a little deeper into my own personal reasons for this uncalled for guilt. Here’s what I came up with:
I am worried I'm letting people down
I care a hell of a lot about what other people think of me
I associate my self-worth with my performance and abilities (at work and otherwise)
And when I can take a step back and look at these statements objectively, I know that they are 100% unfounded, and really, don’t they fucking matter.
You’re not going to be able to help everyone every second of the day.
You’re never going to make everyone happy all the time. Not everyone is going to like you.
Your self worth doesn’t have a damn thing to do with your job, how good you are at it, or any of your abilities.
Next time you’re wondering if you should call out or not, remember that you have to put your needs first in order to serve anyone else. And that it’s totally ok and acceptable to take the time you need to get healthy, whether it’s a physical sick day or a mental health day. And if they’re gonna give you a hard time, they can go fuck themselves - legally, you have to be allowed to take sick days ;)
Ever felt your heart race when you get a stressful work email? Struggle to get a deep breath when a conflict arises at home? Experience general panic and anxiety for no identifiable reason?
I totally get you, because I’m right there with you.
Sometimes, I just have panic-y days. Sometimes it’s because of an external reason. Sometimes not. This has just been my reality for as long as I can remember.
And that’s ok.
By managing my nutrition, emotional wellness, and incorporating regular radical self-care into my life, these panic/anxiety attacks happen less often than they used to - but they’re still there.
Next time you’re feeling an anxiety attack, panic attack, or just super overwhelming stress, give these techniques a go:
Breathe in for 4 counts. Hold for 7 counts. Breathe out for 8 counts. Continue this for 4 cycles to help reset the parasympathetic nervous system to get you out of fight or flight mode. If that’s too much, try breathing in for 4, holding for 4, breathing out for 4.
Focus on what’s real
Future-tripping so often accompanies panicked feelings, so something that really helps me is to root down into what’s real in THIS moment. What are the facts at this moment? Instead of being concerned about the 75 million ways a situation could play out, I ground down in what is factual about the situation in this minute only.
Remember that what you’re feeling is uncomfortable, but it won’t hurt you.
Part of what makes panic so hard is the feeling that you’re going to die. Like literally, it feels like that panic will actually kill you sometimes. And that only adds MORE panic to the already shitty situation. I find it really helpful to constantly acknowledge that yes, this feeling is super uncomfortable, but a panic attack will not hurt me. It totally takes the edge off for me.
And above all, take care of yourself as much as you can when you’re in this state. Ask for help when you need it. Cry when you need it. Do what you need to do to support yourself sister <3
Now it’s your turn. Comment below and tell me what you do to help get yourself through a panic/anxiety attack.
I really fucking hate all of those health and wellness professionals/products/companies saying things like:
"You're not losing weight because you don't have the willpower to eat less and workout more."
"You're not healing because you don't have the willpower to give up sugar completely."
"Your skin isn't clearing up because you don't have the willpower to ditch dairy forever."
Fuck. That. Noise.
When it comes to eating a healing diet and getting enough movement, willpower is bullshit. Large companies will often shift the blame to individuals in this way, just to make sure you feel like shit about yourself so then you'll maybe buy their shake/supplement/program/whatever.
But here's the thing babe. Our bodies are totally designed this way on purpose!
We're designed to crave sugar, because in the days of our ancestors, finding a natural form of sugar (berries most likely) was a quick source of energy. And a quick source of energy could be the difference between life and death that day.
We're designed to eat more than just feeling "satisfied" because there was a 50/50 chance that there would be not food the next day, so we instinctually load up while we can.
We're designed to resist exercise and movement, because unnecessary movement depleted the body and energy levels, making it way harder to do the things we needed to in order to survive.
It's all about survival baby. And I think it's super important for everyone to know that.
Part of what makes our health and wellness goals so difficult is the constant blame we're putting on ourselves. We're never good enough. Never doing enough. And that negative mindset keeps us even more stuck.
Next time you find yourself resisting going to the gym, or eating more than you planned to, or straying from your healing diet, gently remind yourself of why you have this goal with all of the self-love you can muster.
Talk to yourself as if you were a 6 year old.
And remember that you'll NEVER be 100% perfect with any wellness routine. It's impossible, so stop making yourself crazy about it.
P.S. If you're looking for a little accountability and support in a super loving and positive way, registration is now open for my FREE 5-Day Self-Care Challenge!
I’ve heard from loads of friends, clients, and random folks I meet that everyone seems to be dealing with a lot right now.
And whatever that “a lot” is for you, it’s ok if you’re having a rough time with it.
Part of what makes the processing of emotions so difficult is that we’re so quick to judge ourselves for them. We quickly get the sense that we’re over-reacting. We tell ourselves to ‘get the fuck over it.’ We’re told to man up (which is fucked up in itself) and move on.
But sometimes, the only way out is through.
Which means we actually have to feel our feelings, acknowledge them, and release them as best we can.
A few years ago I had an awesome tarot reading, and the medium said something that really stuck with me. I had been dealing with a difficult emotional issue, and he said:
“You’re being too hard on yourself that this isn’t going the way you thought it would.”
And he was totally right. I was judging the shit out of myself because everything wasn’t going 100% amazingly all the time, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Which was only putting more pressure on myself when I was already in a super emotional state.
Releasing the judgment piece of the equation took a load off, and helped me begin to sift through the rest of the emotions.
Are you having a tough time right now? This is what I do to begin to heal when I’m struggling:
Journal. Journal. Journal. Let it all out on paper. And then, if necessary, burn that shit, rip it up, whatever you need to do.
Cry as much and as often as needed.
Keep to a regular sleep schedule as best you can. Some folks tend to sleep too much when they are upset, and others sleep too little. Keep to a regular routine, keep the screen time to a minimum the hour before, and relax with some meditation before bed.
Go see your friends. Even if you’re not feeling at all social, sometimes the most healing thing can be getting out a bit, hanging out with your besties, and getting your mind off of things for an hour or two.
Find a support group. Sometimes, we just need a space to vent, share, and know we’re not alone as we navigate our physical, emotional and spiritual health. Check out my free Facebook support group for women, Radical Self-Care for Badass Babes, where we share tons of helpful resources, recipes, ideas for self-care, and advice and a listening ear when you need it.
What do you do to support yourself during a difficult emotional time? Let me know in the comments below!
I know the holidays can be tough. What’s supposed to be a time of relaxation, celebration and joy often turns into a whirlwind of sleeplessness, anxiety, and burn out as we hustle to get through our massive to-do list while making it all look like a page out of Martha Stewart Magazine.
So with all that, how the hell do we keep up with a healing diet? How do we continue to incorporate self-care when we’re bouncing between family stuff and work craziness and traveling? How do we stay active when all we want to do is sleep?
This is something I’ve been working on for years, and I have some tried and true tips to keep your self feeling fucking fantastic all the way till new years.
1. Communicate your needs
Look, I know it can be hard to explain you gluten and soy sensitivity to old aunt betty, but just fucking do it. So many of us don’t continue with our healing diets during the holidays because we don’t want to “cause a fuss” or “make a big deal out of it.” (I’ve done this so many times)
Get over it. It’s not a big deal. And you deserve to feel good and eat foods that will help that happen.
If you think your host will have a hard time accommodating you, always offer to bring a dish so you know there will be something you can eat. Or, offer to help with the cooking in advance, so you know exactly what’s in each side. Or, offer to host the damn thing yourself, and then you can eat it all!
2. Don’t be weird
I already mentioned that it can be hard to explain your healing diet to folks, but it’s way easier if you just act like it’s 100% completely normal (because it is) and not some weirdo choice you’re making. If you act like your food/lifestyle is weird, then they sure as hell will act like your food/lifestyle is weird. But, if you’re confident and just tell it like it is, there’s a good chance they’ll just roll with it.
And if they don’t roll with it, don’t be alarmed. Some people act really fucking stupid for some reason when you tell them you’re eating healthier, or trying to avoid alcohol or whatever. Like they suddenly feel wildly offended or personally accosted because you’ve realized you feel better when you eat less corn and soy, or when you do yoga every morning. Don’t give into their bullshit. Just stand your ground, and let them know that you feel better when you eat/live this way and that’s it. End of story.
3. Prep that shit
Honestly, the more you can prep and plan your food ahead of time the better. I know this isn’t always 100% possible, but do the best you can. Going to a dinner party? Bring an appetizer that tastes good AND makes you feel good. Going out to a restaurant with limited options? Eat a little something before you go so you’re not starving.
There’s also something to be said about prepping healthy food for before and after the festivities, so you can have a little fun, and then go right back to your healing diet.
You can also totally plan and prep for stuff like movement, getting enough water, getting good sleep, etc. Schedule that shit in, and don’t budge on it.
4. Don’t make yourself fucking crazy
And probably most importantly, just have fucking fun. If keeping up with all your wellness routines everyday of the holiday season is making you feel even more stressed out, don’t do it all! (unless you have a serious allergy or sensitivity… obviously do what you gotta do girl).
The point of a healing diet and lifestyle is to make us feel good, and if it makes you feel more anxious or crazy, you’re doing it wrong. Let loose and have some fun sister. The kale will be here when you get back <3
Feeling ready for a little reset and recharge for 2017? So totally over the bullshit of 2016?
Join us for the 21-Day Radical Reset starting January 9th, where we’ll be developing some kickass healthy habits around nutrition, sleep, self-care, and self-love, so you can feel your damn best this year!