I’m now going to demonstrate why sexual monogamy and cheating will soon become literally impossible, due to technological advancements that are coming to your life very soon, and how either celibacy or nonmonogamous relationships will soon be your only two options.
I was going to fill this article with crazy technological details, but fortunately, the British (and Netflix) show Black Mirror did all the heavy lifting for me. If you didn’t already know, it’s an anthology show that has a completely different story every episode, like The Twilight Zone.
The final episode in its first season was titled The Entire History of You. I’m about to spoil it all, so if you really want to watch it, feel free to do so. Even after reading this article, you should watch it. As I was watching it myself, my mouth was on the floor the entire time. I couldn’t believe it; here was an exact picture of what people attempting monogamy will run into in just a few years.
It’s about a married couple, Liam and Ffion (yes, that’s how you spell it; those crazy Brits!) who live in the near future where everyone can play their memories on any nearby screen. They can even rewind their memories and watch them in their eyeballs. Everything they do is recorded in a tiny implant behind their ear. Liam and Ffion are happily married and have a small baby.
They go to a party where a guy, Jonas, talks about how he likes to masturbate to replayed memories of himself having sex with various women from his past. Liam notices that his wife, Ffion, tends to laugh weirdly when Jonas cracks jokes.
When they both arrive back home, Liam replays the party, and shows Ffion how she was acting with Jonas. He gets upset and starts asking if there was ever something between them. She denies it, but using this video evidence from the party, Ffion is forced to admit that she indeed had a fling with Jonas in her past, before she married Liam. She said it “only lasted a week.”
Liam demands that she play the video from the memories of that time in her life. She then reluctantly admits that it wasn’t a week, but a month. Then, with more pressuring from Liam, she admits it was six months.
Drama ensues of course, and they have a huge fight.
Later that evening, Liam keeps re-watching the memories from the party with Jonas, and gets angrier and angrier as he watches Ffion and Jonas interact with each other, observing all the subtle nuances of their conversations. He starts to think that perhaps Jonas and Ffion are having an affair. At a bare minimum, he starts to fear that Jonas is watching memories of him and Ffion to masturbate to.
The next morning, Liam screams at Ffion yet again. Ffion denies there is anything going on with Jonas. Now a little drunk, Liam storms over to Jonas’ home, breaks in, beats up Jonas, and demands that he delete all of his memories from his implant that involve Ffion.
Jonas resists, but finally agrees. Liam watches as Jonas brings up all his sexual activity on a screen, and deletes the Ffion memories.
Later at home, Liam replays the memories of the event. He pauses the part where Jonas deletes the memories of Ffion. He zooms in on the thumbnail picture of the two of them having sex. Looking carefully, he realizes, to his horror, that they were having sex in one of the room’s in Liam’s current house.
With the video data, he confronts Ffion. Caught red-handed, she admits that yes, she had a brief affair with Jonas a while ago, but insists it was a one night stand on a night when Liam and her had a big fight.
It gets even worse. Liam tells her that based on a picture that was hanging on the wall when Jonas and her were having sex, it placed the timeframe at about 18 months ago… about when Liam and Ffion’s baby daughter was conceived. Could it be that Liam’s own baby actually belongs to Jonas?
Liam goes berserk and Ffion starts sweating. She says that of course Liam is the father of their baby, since she made Jonas wear a condom when they had sex.
“I thought you guys were both drunk,” Liam says.
“I made sure he wore one anyway,” Ffion answers.
“Where did you get the condom?” Liam asks. “We were trying to have a baby so we didn’t have any.”
“Jonas had one,” Ffion answers.
“That he brought in while drunk?” Liam asks.
“Yes!” Ffion protests.
“Okay,” Liam says, pointing at a nearby monitor. “Play the memory.”
“What?” Ffion asks.
“Play the memory of when you two had sex,” Liam says. “It will show that you made him wear a condom, and then we can put all of this to rest.”
Ffion, terrified, agrees, but then suddenly tries to delete all of her memories so they can’t be replayed. Liam stops her and forces her to play the event. He didn’t wear a condom. Since Liam and Ffion were having trouble conceiving the baby, the baby probably belongs to Jonas.
They get a divorce and Liam’s life is ruined. The final scene is Liam forcibly cutting the implant from the back of his ear with a razor blade in his bathroom, as the screen fades to black.
As I recently talked about, privacy will soon be a thing of the past. In just a few years, there will literally be no way you can cheat on someone without them finding out. Regularly cheating on someone behind their back will be literally impossible.
I’m not saying it will play out just like in the above story, but the above story will play out. Right now, technology is still at a place where if you’re very careful, you can cheat on someone and not get caught. This allows society to continue the farce that is long-term monogamy. However, soon this will not be an option. Soon, if you cheat on a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, they will know. There will be no way to hide it.
This is only one aspect of monogamy that technology will change; there’s even more. As I’ve talked about before, very soon, you will be able to, with an app on your smartphone or similar future device, have sex with a random stranger, using no condom, and not get any STD’s or get anyone pregnant. An instantaneous blood test, linked to the cloud, will be able to tell you with near 100% accuracy if a woman has any STD’s or is ovulating.
Pause and think about that for one minute. Throughout all of modern history, the only two logistical barriers/fears that people used as reasons to not sleep around were “you’ll get a disease” or “you’ll get someone pregnant.” What if both of these possibilities were instantly erased from a free society? What if anyone can now have sex with anyone, with no condom, without any diseases or unwanted babies?
Ha! You think monogamy is difficult NOW? You think people cheat a lot NOW? You think not enough people are getting married or monogamous NOW? Holy shit, pal. Wait until STD’s and unwanted pregnancies become a thing of the past. Everyone will be fucking everyone. It’s going to be a fuck fest, at least among those people still young and confident enough to have sex (it’s true there will always be old people, low sex drive people, and losers in any society who won’t be having sex; that won’t change).
Add this to the fact that it will be impossible to cheat without getting caught.
This will leave society with just three options, none of which are considered the normal ideal today:
1. Celibacy (angry or repressed women, MGTOW’s jerking off to porn, etc)
2. Nonmonogamy (open relationships, open marriages, OLTR’s, polyamory, etc)
3. Extremely short-term serial monogamous relationships, the vast majority of which will only last a few weeks, perhaps a few months at most (unless both people are older, as in over age 60).
Long-term monogamy will only be for people who either don’t like sex (i.e. repressed people, hyper-religious people, etc) or literally can’t have sex (i.e. older people; though soon, due to medical technology, older people will be able to enjoy sex just as much as younger folks).
This means that people under the age of 60 who get into serious, long-term girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, as well as people who get married, are going to be forced to accept and define open, poly, or otherwise nonmonogamous arrangements. They won’t have any other choice… the technology available to everyone literally won’t allow it.
I’m going to be right about this. Just watch.
This is why I’ve always said regarding people who defend long-term monogamy: just wait. In a few years/decades, the lie that is long-term, “forever” Disney monogamy won’t even be possible anymore. People under 60 are going to have to allow their partners to play around a little, or literally never get married or into a long-term, pair-bonded relationship. If they demand absolute sexual monogamy from an actual human being (and not a computer, sex doll, or sex robot), they’re going to have to be satisfied with a long string of very short relationships.
We’re in for a wild ride in the next few years folks. Fasten your seat belts. A lot of people are going to be very upset.
There was a comment in a recent post about serial monogamy that stuck in my mind for a long time. It was made by FudgeMan, and here are the highlights:
BD, it’s really fucking simple. In most of the world, esp in America and places like America ( UK, Canada ) girls who are hot have literally unlimited options. Big cities, social media, and dating websites help fuel the endless army of lower alphas and betas who will kill their entire family just to sniff her pussy. She can get a new guy in under an hour….
Add onto that the fact most guys in America and places like America are huge pussies when it comes to getting ass…This causes her serial monogamy countdown timer to be much shorter than if she was in a world of masculine alpha men who put their mission way above pussy.
Then lastly, the fact society is becoming more forgiving day by day for slutty behavior and you have the last nail in the coffin.
Over the last week or so I’ve been thinking about this a lot. A lot of men agree with this position, and there’s a lot of anger about it all over manosphere blogs and forums.
This anger bothers me. I don’t think it’s constructive or helpful. The problem is, I have to admit FudgeMan and guys with similar arguments do have a point. While I want to say that it isn’t true at all, that it’s just as easy to have sex with a pretty, high quality girl (and keep her with you for an extended period of time) as it was 25 or 50 years ago, even I have to admit the sad reality is there is indeed a lot of truths in the above argument.
Defining The Problem
Indeed, with things like Facebook, YouTube, OKCupid, Instagram, Twitter, Ask.Fm, and a slew of other social media outlets, there are all kinds of ways even an average-looking woman can get hordes of beta males to slather them with adoring attention, whenever they want, wherever they are, within mere seconds. These avenues didn’t exist 25 years ago. Back then, if a cute girl wanted men to tell her how pretty she was, she actually had to get dressed up, get out of the house, go somewhere, and interact with men in a very real way.
Today, she can just whip out her phone while she’s taking a dump in the bathroom and make a post on Facebook like the one below. This is a real post I saw on my Facebook feed one day by a young attractive woman:
Everyone should appreciate goodlookin ladys
It had only been a a few minutes since she had made the post, yet it had already received 45 likes. Most of which were from men. Amazing.
Scrolling down, I saw mountains of follow-up comments from horny betas like:
Guy 1: Smartest thing I’ve heard all day
Guy 2: Amen!
Guy 3: Like yourself!
And on and on. To be fair, there were some not-so-positive comments as well, but the slobbering positive ones outweighed the negative ones by about five to one. So yes, this is a very serious problem with strong implications that indeed negatively affect the women you meet in a very real way. This isn’t just with young hot girls either. One of the reasons women over age 33 reject Alphas their age so quickly is because they know there’s a line of betas standing outside their door ready to obey whatever silly ASD-based dating rules they have. So why should they have to put up with you?
One of the reasons there is so much anger against beta males in the manosphere is because of the great damage betas do to all men by behaving this way with women. Because of their lack of outcome independent Alpha Male traits, they end up “pedestalizing” women even worse than before, making dating and relationships more difficult not only for them, but for us Alphas as well.
The second part of the argument is where things get more complicated. This is the argument that today in America (or the Western world), women are more promiscuous now “than ever” and that we are the most non-slut-shamey culture “in history”.
This is false. This statement is often made by men who apparently have not read as much history as I have, or who are thinking about the 1950s but not going any further back in time than that particular decade.
It was extremely easy for men, even for non-Alpha married men, to get laid during the pre-Constantine Roman Empire. They could fuck other women, including prostitutes, and their wives/girlfriends/lovers could care less as long as the bills were paid and/or other promises were kept. In medieval France under the Merovingians, it was socially accepted for even Catholic priests and bishops to have four or five concubines. Cantonese cultures have been very happy with wide-open relationships and marriages all the way up until the late 1970s. And let’s not even start with widespread polyamory in African cultures, both historical and contemporary.
I could go on and on with historical examples, and I will expand on this in a future post, but the point is because of ASD, political correctness, the rise of left-liberalism, and the mutated version of feminism now embraced by some women, modern-day society is quite anti-sex in many ways as compared to historical times, as I’ve clearly demonstrated before on this blog.
Where these guys do have a point is when they compare the 21st century to more traditional times, such as the 1950s or the 1800s. True, women are far more promiscuous in a socially accepted way than in those eras. And yes, I agree that this can and will increase the difficultly level for both Alphas and betas in regard to dating women and having long-lasting relationships.
The Solution…Of Sorts
Therefore, I do grudgingly agree with FudgeMan’s point even though I have a lot of caveats to my agreement. The onslaught of betas plus heightened sexual availability for women as opposed to more conservative eras does create a new challenge for all of us.
I’m now going to tell you why none of this matters. Hopefully by the end of this post, you’ll be thinking about this condition in an entirely new way.
If the problems listed above make it more difficult for you and I to go out into the real world, have sex with women quickly, and keep the quality women in our lives for a long time, the first question is: How much more difficult is it?
Answer this question:
How much more difficult is it for a 21st century Alpha Male to snag a hot, high-quality woman, and (if he wants) to keep her around for a long time, as opposed to an Alpha of equivalent attractiveness and ability back in 1986?
I was alive and post-pubescent in 1986 (it was the year I started high school) so I’ll use that as a comparison point. Back in ’86 there was no internet, no cell phones (at least not really), and no social media. While the 80s were no where near as conservative as the 50s (plenty of young unmarried people were getting laid in the 80s, believe me), I do admit that things like divorce rates were much lower, teen pregnancies were much more rare and unusual, BF/GF relationships tended to last longer, and the culture was more Reagan and Schwarzenegger than Hillary Clinton and Tina Fey.
So is it 15% harder now? 30% harder? 50% harder? More?
I don’t know, and neither do you. I’m going to randomly pull a number out of my ass just for demonstration purposes and say that it’s 25% harder. I have no idea if that figure is accurate or not (and neither do you), but as I’m about to demonstrate, the actual number is irrelevant. Just indulge me and go with the 25% figure for a minute, which I fully concede may be way off (be it too high or too low).
This means that you, the Alpha (or aspiring Alpha) have to work 25% harder than that 1986 Alpha to get the equivalent results he gleaned in terms of dating, seduction, and relationships. This means you’ll have to improve by 25%.
Is that fair? No. It sucks. But there’s more to the story.
Let’s say I told you that the Alpha Male traits you’d have to assume or improve by 25% would also help you in every other area of masculine life.
Because it’s true. If you need to work 25% harder, improve yourself 25% more, in order to overcome the realities of the era we live in, that extra 25% are all things you should be doing anyway. Not to get or keep women, but to be a better and happier man.
Specifically I’m taking about four Alpha Male traits you’ll have to acquire or improve in order to break through the white noise of slobbering beta males and women who have easier sexual access to men. They are listed in no particular order.
1. Improving Your Physical Appearance
Way too many guys complain that American women “only like muscular guys now”. This is a wild oversimplification of course, since when I was a chubby bastard I was doing just fine (though I had to put in a lot more numbers than a ripped guy; I describe the difference here).
Regardless, clearly more lean, muscular guys have an advantage over skinny or chubby guys. Well then, dammit, guess what the answer is? Get more lean and muscular. If it takes you three or four years, it takes three or four years.
The point is, you should do this anyway, regardless of what you want to accomplish in the woman-side of your life. The more lean and muscular you are, the happier you’ll be, the more confident you’ll feel (in all other areas of life, like your social and business life), the longer you’ll live, the more energy you’ll have, and the less medical problems you’ll have as you age.
I’ve lost a lot of weight, but do you really think the only reason I did it was to get chicks? I’ll concede that was one of the factors, but the biggest reason was that I have diabetes in my family tree, and if I stayed chubby into my 40s I’d probably get type 2 diabetes pretty damn fast. No thank you. That is the number one reason I started busting my ass a few years ago and embarked on the very frustrating journey (at least for me) to lose the weight.
The fact women like my slowly improving body is just an extra bonus.
2. Improving Your Personal Appearance
“Personal appearance” in this context applies to your stance, bearing, grooming, tone of voice, and fashion. If you’re lacking in any of those areas, you need to improve. Then the woman-side of your life will get easier. But women aside, you should do this anyway. There’s a very noticeable and very real boost in confidence when you are dressed really nice (or cool), and carry yourself with better posture and body language. Hundreds of studies over many decades have proven this to be true.
Even if you never planned on having sex for the rest of your life, you should still optimize your personal appearance. There are so many benefits it brings to you that have nothing whatsoever to do with women.
3. Improving Your Interpersonal People Skills
If you need to improve your people skills by 25% to get more women, then get to work and do it. Read the books. Interact with more people. Spend a little more time out of your social comfort zone. Do some public speaking. Whatever.
But you should all do this anyway. Increased people skills has huge applications for your overall happiness in life and your income. My income shot way up when I really started focusing on improving my people skills around my mid-20s. I was honestly shocked at what a difference it made.
4. Live A More Exciting and/or Interesting Life
Having a cool life makes you more attractive to women. It also boosts your confidence around women. So if your life sucks, or is boring, improve! But dammit, you should do this anyway. You’ll be way happier as a man if you’re doing cool, interesting, unusual things, rather than sitting at home playing Call of Duty or wasting time at the bar with your buddies.
And don’t give me this “but I can’t afford to do cool things” stuff. What a stupid excuse. Most of the men I have met who have done the most interesting, exciting things with their lives were lower-income dudes. Stop the excuses. Live an amazing life!
The Bottom Line
Let me be clear:
Yes, it’s harder to get and keep quality women than it was in years past. While it’s not nearly as bad as you think, I do concede it’s a little harder.
You must be a better man in order to get these women nowadays.
You should be this “better man” anyway, irrespective of what you want from women.
Do you see why all this negativity about “more slutty women” or “more needy beta males” doesn’t bother me as much as it does other guys? Because these conditions give me yet another reason to improve myself as a man. Improving yourself is hard, and you need all the reasons you can get. Therefore I don’t look at this as a bad thing.
Instead, I’m thankful I’ve taken the time (and will continue to take the time and put in the effort) to improve myself as a man. Not only does it result in success with women far beyond the dreams of beta males (and most Alpha Males too!), but completely independent of women, it makes me a happier, healthier, more fulfilled man.
Isn’t that a much more productive way to look at this?
Much of my relationship management advice and content revolves around when you break the rules within an FB, MLTR, or OLTR relationship with a woman. Specifically, I’m talking about the Nine Cardinal Rules that I describe in detail in my main relationships book. Things like only seeing her once a week, never talking about the relationship (until The Talk), not kissing her ass, making her cum every time you have sex, and so on.
And yes, most of the problems you will encounter in your relationship life are your fault, in that you probably fucked up one of the Cardinal Rules. Just about every guy who emails me or coaches with me with a relationship problem is guilty of violating one or more of these rules.
That being said, there are times where you’re doing everything more or less correctly, and she breaks one of the rules. What happens then?
As always, we need to get our contexts aligned when we say “rules.”
In FB relationships, there are no rules. She can do pretty much whatever she wants. So a woman in an FB relationship with you can’t “break a rule.” She can be a bitch, she can give you drama, and so forth (time for an instant soft next if that’s the case!) but she can’t break any rules.
In an MLTR, there aren’t any “rules” that she needs to follow. She’s welcome to have sex with other men and even date other men. The only rules a woman can break in an MLTR is if you’re not using condoms on her and she promises to do the same with other men, and then violates that promise, thereby putting your health at risk. There may be a few other odd scenarios I can think of, but for the most part, it’s pretty hard for a woman to break a rule in an MLTR.
OLTR, now that’s a different story. Unlike other types of nonmonogamous relationships, in an OLTR there are indeed rules. Not many rules (and if there are, you’re doing it wrong), but some. So yes, a woman in an OLTR can indeed break the rules if she’s not careful.
So the first way to avoid this problem is to simply never have an OLTR. If you never have an OLTR and just stick with FBs and MLTRs, which is a perfectly fine model, you’ll never need to worry about any woman breaking any rules because she’ll never have any.
That being said, most men will want something that at least looks like an OLTR at some point in their older years when they’re over age 35. What then?
The next way to deal with a woman breaking the rules is to minimize the odds of ever ending up with a woman who will break the rules in the first place. There are three simple ways to do this; simple, but not easy:
1. Don’t get into an OLTR with any woman under the age of about 24. The older, the better.
2. Don’t get into an OLTR with any woman who isn’t low-drama, low-ASD, or is a Dominant. I see way too many of you guys getting into OLTRs with women who are higher drama, higher ASD, Dominants, and so on. Also remember that certain races and nationalities of women are more drama than others (coughRussianscough).
3. Never get into an OLTR unless you’ve dated her, consistently and often, for at least 6-12 months as an MLTR and there has been near-zero problems that entire time. Let me be clear about this: “dating consistently and often” means you’ve been seeing her once a week for 6-12 months. It does not mean you see her for a while then leave town for a month then start seeing her again then leave town again for three weeks then see her again and so on. That’s not consistent, and that doesn’t count.
In the two OLTRs I’ve had, I’ve never experienced a woman violate any rules. Do you know why? I followed the above three guidelines to the letter. It took both HBM and Pink Firefly years of me dating them as FBs and then MLTRs before we became an OLTR, so I had plenty of time to verify their low-drama, low-ASD status. They weren’t Dominants either. (Dominants usually don’t last past about two or three dates with me anyway.) I don’t like drama or problems, so I have to make very sure a woman isn’t prone to these problems before she becomes my OLTR girlfriend / wife.
Once again, I see a hell of a lot of you bastards leap into OLTR relationships with women well before you’ve been dating them consistently and often for at least six months (12+ months is better!). Not smart. Control that oneitis!There is never any rush to get into an OLTR. Never. I don’t care how awesome she is or how she’s Not Like The Rest. Calm the fuck down and take your time.
The last thing you can do to avoid this problem is to not set a lot of rules in the OLTR. I’ve talked about that in great detail in my books, but the bottom line is that the more rules you set in a relationship, the higher odds for problems and drama you will have. Therefore, your goal is to set the least amount of rules humanly possible for your OLTR.
In my case, I have essentially no rules for Pink Firefly other than the basic OLTR rule (she can’t have MLTRs, just FBs, if she wants) a handful of minor rules relating to the fact we live together (none of which would exist if we lived in separate homes). That’s it! As a matter of fact, in terms of the sexual aspect of the OLTR, I’ve agreed to far more rules from Pink Firefly than she has from me, since as a woman, she’s more outcome dependent than I am. (Just expect this if you ever have an OLTR; women are the way they are.)
If you don’t want drama or problems, follow my example. I occasionally see guys go a little too far in the Alpha Male 1.0 direction in OLTRs, and lay down all kinds of rules for their girlfriends that are just going to bite them in the ass later. Again, not smart. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but women are not very good at following relationship rules long-term. Why fight this? (Unless you’re an Alpha Male 1.0 and have consciously chosen to be one, but if that’s the case, I’m not sure why you’re reading this blog.)
In talking with hundreds of men about this topic over the last decade, here are some examples I’ve heard of women in OLTRs breaking the rules:
After establishing a rule to not fuck any guy in their shared social circle, she does so anyway, and in a very public way.
She fucks her boyfriend’s/husband’s best friend or close family member.
She inadvertently brings one of her FBs around their kids. (This is rarely intentional, and more often a result of a stupid oversight or accident.)
After establishing a rule of keeping the OLTR status secret, she gets angry or drunk one day and blabs it to everyone, or her certain people she wasn’t supposed to tell.
You get the idea.
If this happens, first stop and see if you’ve violated any of the guidelines I outlined above. Did you leap into the OLTR before dating consistently and often for at least six months? Is she 20 years old? Did you throw too many rules at her? Is she a Dominant? And so on.
Odds are high you’ve done one or more of these things wrong. If so, remember that everything in your life is your fault, including this, and you have only yourself to blame. For the next OLTR, don’t make the same mistakes again.
Next, you’ll have to take corrective action. If this is the first time she’s ever broken a rule, tell her what she did wrong and why. Stay calm, don’t get angry, don’t lecture her, and don’t argue with her. That stuff is for Alpha 1.0s. The Alpha 2.0 is outcome independent and doesn’t give a shit enough to actually get upset. Just calmly tell her what she did and why it’s a problem. Stick to the facts, keep your feelings out of it, and remain calm.
If it’s the first time she’s ever done this and she agrees she fucked up and promises not to do it again, then immediately accept her apology, drop the subject, and move on. It’s over; get back to your happy relationship with her.
If she instead gets defensive, fights you, and/or says or implies she didn’t do anything wrong, then it’s more than likely you’re with the wrong woman and you need to end the OLTR right now. Downgrade her to FB or MLTR or terminate the relationship. Then ask yourself why you were such a dumbass to get into an OLTR with such a person. Again, this shit is YOUR FAULT.
If this is not the first time she’s done this, and then you have a problem. If the last time she did this was many years ago, and everything else in the relationship is good, then accept her apology and move on, but remind her that if she does this again, she’s threatening the future of your relationship with her. Also strongly consider rescinding that rule she broke, because clearly she’s having trouble following it.
If the last time she did this was less than 12 months ago, then you have a decision to make. I would probably downgrade or terminate her right then and there, but I suppose there might be scenarios where you could give her one more chance, and if she does it again, then terminate or downgrade.
Again though, I want you to see how much time I spend in this article preventing the problem instead of dealing with the fallout of the problem. If you’re smart, rational, and control your oneitis, you can prevent this from ever happening. It’s never happened to me, so it can be done.
If you want to design your own low-work, high-income, location-independent business, I’ll be doing a seminar on exactly how to do that in Las Vegas in July. Click here for info.
A few weeks ago, I wrote this article regarding the many factors you need to weigh before you make the decision on whether or not to have children, or when to have them. In that article, I mentioned there were some unusual scenarios where you could simply have kids and not worry about many of the negative factors I outlined. Today I will describe these scenarios.
Right up front I have to say that the majority of you will not fall into any of the categories I’m about to describe. Some of you will, but most of you will not. Others of you don’t fall into these categories yet, but perhaps will later in your life. Just be aware of this.
Here are the scenarios in which you are free to simply crank out all the kids you want without needing to worry too much about the negatives. Granted, you still need to read the list of negatives I outlined in the prior article, but they won’t affect you nearly as much if you’re in one of the below categories.
1. You are wealthy, meaning you have a net worth of $10 million or more.
As I’ve said before, men who have a net worth of $10 million or more live in a different world than the rest of us. If you have $22 million, you are free to impregnate as many women as you like, and it probably won’t affect your lifestyle or finances in any noticeable way (unless you chose it to be so). In this article I talked about how it’s perfectly fine if Kate Winslet has three kids from three different men, because Kate Winslet has countless millions of dollars to more than take care of those kids, even if she had ten more. Friggin’ Eddie Murphy has nine kids. Hey, with is money, perfectly fine.
Please note that I said if you had $10 million or more, not if you were a “millionaire.” If you have something like $1.5 million or $2.2 million, you’re technically a millionaire, but because of today’s dramatically devalued currency valuations, you’re nowhere near wealthy and are still quite within the middle class. Granted, you’re in the upper middle class, middle class with style, but you’re not wealthy. Not even close.
So no, I’m talking about a $10 million dollar net worth or more; below that, this doesn’t apply, even if you have a few million dollars of net worth.
2. You are a total loser with no job, no income, no money, and never really plan on having any.
This is pretty much the opposite of the above one, but strangely, it still applies.
Many years ago I met a black guy at a party. He was perfectly normal looking, but had a decent level of confidence and game, as many black guys do. In casual conversation, he mentioned he had eight kids with seven different women. I was shocked. He was only about 28 years old. I had never met someone like this before (though I have many times since.)
Such a concept was so alien to me that I started pelting him with questions.
“How in the hell are you able to pay your bills?” I asked him, “With seven different women going after you for child support, aren’t you getting 100% of your paychecks garnished to hell every time you get paid?”
He shrugged and said, “I ain’t got no job. So I ain’t got no money. I haven’t had any money or income in six years. How they gonna garnish me if I ain’t got no job? Fuck those bitches!”
He was right. He had no job, no income, and no money to speak of for many years. Usually he would just live at friend’s houses, and often he was homeless. Even if the women pressed it with the government, he had no steady address to issue legal paperwork and notices. (This is yet another example of a low-SMV man, a homeless black guy, who was getting laid left and right, and at least some of the women he was having sex with were cute; I know because two of them were at that party. Yet another example why the guys who scream “100% of success with women is all about SMV and nothing else!!!” are full of shit. But I digress.)
So yeah, if you have literally no money and never plan on having any for the rest of your life, I suppose you could have all the kids you want. You won’t be very happy, your life will be pretty screwed up, and you won’t be a very good father, but it’s technically an option.
3. You can easily afford a full-time nanny to raise your kids for you.
If you can easily hire a full-time nanny to take care of all the child-rearing work for you and the mother of your children, you do indeed mitigate much of the negatives and freedom-sapping aspects of having children.
The problem is the emphasis on the word easily. In the USA, a full-time nanny is going to cost you, on average, $3,031 per month if she doesn’t live with you and $2,803 if she does (source). Can you easily afford around $3,000 per month on top of all your usual living expenses, taxes, business expenses, travel expenses, entertainment expenses, paying off debt, and investing a strong percentage of your income for long-term savings and retirement?
Probably not. But for those of you who can, it’s certainly an option.
4. You can “hand off” your kid to some other person in your family who will take care of it for free.
As I’ve talked about before, this is how many teenage or near-teenage single mothers get away with having kids… they just hand the baby over to their mom, and the mom raises it. The mom does this for free. Even if the young girl has another baby, she just hands it over to her mom again. Down the road, when the young girl is older and a little more mature, she takes the kid back from her mom and raises it on her own. (Maybe.)
A ridiculous and harmful system for all parties involved to be sure, but it “works” for the irresponsible girl having the baby. So if, for some reason, you have the ability and the desire to crank out a baby and just hand it over to someone in your family who will take over the responsibilities of raising the child for free, that’s an option. Not an option I’d recommend, but an option.
5. Impregnate women in the third world.
In my business consulting practice, I once worked with a high-income, cranky old bastard in his early sixties who would regularly take long trips to SE Asia on his vacations. Once there, he would have tons of sex with both hookers and “girlfriends,” youngish women (age 25-35) with whom he’d have temporary relationships with. Many of these women he actually married and then later divorced. He had been married eight times (so far).
He didn’t give a shit about using condoms, so he impregnated a decent number of these women over the years and had many children. I never got the exact number from him, but I could tell it was a lot.
He never suffered financially because he would just fly back to the USA and get away scot-free. There were minimal child support laws in these countries, and even if there were, he was foreigner who only spent a few weeks a year in these places. The rest of the time he was an ocean away in the US, protected from any foreign government going after him for child support money.
My understanding from guys who do a lot of third-world fucking is that doing this kind of thing is not as easy as it once was, since women in countries with zero child support or alimony laws tend to be a little more choosy about the men they have sex with without condoms (apparently this is a big thing in Colombia, as one example).
Regardless, if you only want to have kids with third-world women in third-world countries where you don’t live and are not a citizen, this indeed is a way around many of the negatives I mentioned in the first article about having kids. Obviously I don’t recommend being a total asshole about it like the old man I just spoke about though.
6. Impregnate married women.
Oh Jesus. This is another option I don’t recommend but that I admit is available. Because monogamy doesn’t work, around 18% of children born are not the child of the fathers they think they are. If you impregnate a woman who is married, in all likelihood she’ll just assume the baby is her husband’s (or know it’s not husband’s and just not tell him), freeing you of any financial obligation. Obviously you won’t be able to actually raise your child though.
If you’re desperate to have kids but want to do so while getting around some of the negatives, there may be a few other ways to do it that I haven’t mentioned above. Just realize that they all require some very odd lifestyle choices in which the vast majority of the men reading these words will have little interest.
As always, having kids is one of the largest decisions of your entire life, with life-long ramifications, both good and bad, that you need to evaluate and be prepared for. Thus, I will repeat my rule I stated in the last article about this: YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS UNLESS YOUR DESIRE TO HAVE KIDS IS AT LEAST AN EIGHT ON THE ONE TO TEN SCALE. If your attitude about having kids in the future is “eh, maybe” or “eh, I don’t know” then you should not have kids.
In terms of day-to-day logistics, including living arrangements, the objective of traditional monogamous marriage (TMM) is to combine your entire life with another human being and do so in the ways everyone else does it, so as to A) fit in to society and B) fulfill the Disney fantasies of the female (and to be fair, sometimes of the man too, particularly if he’s an extreme beta male).
The logistical objectives of an OLTR marriage are quite different. They are to:
Maximize long-term happiness.
Minimize potential for conflict.
Maintain as much personal freedom for the two participants as possible.
This means that the logistical setup of your home under an OLTR Marriage is going to look a little different than those in a TMM.
Pink Firefly and I have just finished moving into our new house. (I use the word “our,” but the lease is 100% mine, as per OLTR rules.) I got a two-year lease on the home so we can finally move out of the Collapsing USA in January 2021, per my five flags plan.
When looking for a new house, I made sure it had all the aspects conducive for an OLTR marriage, even though some of them were a little weird. When I took my month-long trip to South America in November, Pink Firefly continued the house search, looking for something she would like, within my budget, and that also adhered to my requirements.
Thankfully, she found one: a beautiful 3800 square-foot four-bedroom home at the top of a mountain with fantastic, near 180-degree views of the Columbia Gorge, including entire valley, river, and mountains from every room in the house. It’s exactly how I envisioned my ideal home would be when visualizing my goals.
Don’t get hung up on the size or the cost of this house. I make more than enough money to afford the rent (it’s only a tiny percentage of my after-tax income) and I’ve already set aside the money to pay the next eight months of rent into a savings account called “Future Rent.” So I’m good.
That’s aspect number one, which should apply to you regardless of your living situation. Only get a home you can A) easily afford, and B) you know exactly where the money is coming from in order to pay the rent or mortgage. You also should have zero debt. Don’t get an expensive house just because some loan officer is saying you can afford one or because your wife is nagging you for one.
Back when I was in a TMM as an ignorant beta, I made this mistake. I had a nice house back then too, but the mortgage on that damn thing was around 40% of my income and I had pretty much zero savings and I had to support a family of four and I had a shitload of debt on top of all that. In other words, I was the typical stupid American. I had a nice house but I was constantly stressed out.
Today, it’s the exact opposite. I can have a nice house and actually enjoy it with zero stress. I purposely waited many years before getting into a nice house like this. As always, it was all according to a specific, long-term plan instead of my emotional whims.
Next are the OLTR marriage aspects of the house. When I publish the book on OLTR marriage management in two years, I will go into great detail on this topic, but today I’ll give you a sneak peak.
Here are some of the OLTR marriage aspects I wanted that this house has:
1. Separate offices / work areas. In this house, I have my own office, obviously. However, I do not share this office with Pink Firefly. She actually has her own office, so she never needs to use mine. I want to work in focused peace and so does she. Her office is on an entirely different floor, which is great. Her office is upstairs, mine is downstairs. (I don’t like having two stories but that was one of the areas in which I compromised.)
2. Separate bathrooms. I’ve mentioned this before. PF and I have two completely separate bathrooms. Nothing will cause arguments like sharing a bathroom full-time with a female you’re romantically involved with. I realize some of you have done this in the past and had zero problems, but you got lucky. We each have a full bathroom that has two sinks each, plus a toilet and a shower. PF can shower and get ready for as long as she wants (it usually takes her around 2.5 hours to get ready) without inconveniencing me at all.
3. Separate kitchens. Sharing a kitchen with a woman is also a common source of petty arguments and frustrations with a married couple. In this house, we have a nice kitchen upstairs that I gave to Pink Firefly. It’s “hers” unless I need to use it to cook something special, which is not typical. Downstairs, there is a bar area with a sink. A sink is all you need when you’re a man to create your own kitchen; all you need to do is get a microwave and a small refrigerator/freezer, which I have done, and bam, there’s your kitchen.
When I eat, I heat up some vegetables in the microwave, eat some tuna with mayo right out of the can, quickly eat while I stand and watch some business or investing YouTube videos (from a TV or tablet mounted on the wall), scarf as fast as I can, throw everything in the trash (I only use paper plates and bowls; they don’t require washing), and get right back to work. The entire process takes me a grand total about about 6-8 minutes. A sink, microwave, and small refrigerator/freezer is all I need.
When PF eats, her being a woman and very feminine (and a more normal person), it’s a huge production. She needs to gather and prepare a bunch of ingredients, cook food in a pan, prepare it all, prepare a beautiful plate, sit at the dining room table, leisurely eat while relaxed, then spend a bunch of time cleaning everything up (though she has recently adopted my time management technique of using paper plates; smart girl). Very different than how I eat, and she always requires a bigger kitchen and more room, which is fine with me. (We have designated times where we eat together, since Pink Firefly’s primary love language is time spent together, but you get what I mean.)
PF and I, having our own kitchen areas, can set up our plates, food, silverware, kitchen gadgets, and whatever else exactly the way we want without having to compromise with anyone. Awesome.
4. A spare bedroom. PF and I both sleep together in the master bedroom, but now we have an extra bedroom fully set up with a bed where guests can sleep and where I can sleep if there’s ever a problem. I haven’t ever needed to do this, and I may never need to, but it’s there if I need it (or if she needs it).
5. A king-size mattress with a deep pillow top. If you sleep with a woman in a queen-sized bed, it’s too small unless you’re both midgets. You’re going to regularly poke her, bump into her, and she to you, all fucking night long. I realize a lot of people just get used to this, but happiness is not about tolerating shitty scenarios.
We were in a queen bed for the past year, and since upgrading to a king (something I delayed because it wasn’t in the budget until now) it’s been a world of difference. I can spread out as much as I want and I never even touch her. It’s great. (And if I want to touch her for some cuddle time or sexy time, I just roll over once and I’m there.)
Moreover, you need a deep pillow-top mattress. This means that if she moves around, you’ll barely feel it. Otherwise every time she moves, the entire mattress will shake and you’ll feel it when you don’t want to. Now, PF can squirm around all she likes and I don’t feel a thing.
6. Separate TV areas. Upstairs, there’s a big TV set up in the fancy living room. That’s Pink Firefly’s area. She’s a girl, so she likes things cute, fancy, and inconvenient. I’m a man, so I like them ugly and functional. There’s a more casual family room downstairs with a TV, which is my area. The downstairs encompasses this room, my “kitchen,” the spare room, and my office. I told PF when we got the house that the downstairs is “my domain” while the upstairs is hers. Of course she can use my downstairs family room whenever she wants. (But not my kitchen! That’s set up the way I want it. She has her own kitchen.)
Don’t think that just because we have these separate areas means we never spend time together. Of course we do. It’s just that we can have our own areas, set up the way we like, without having to compromise at all with another human we live with. Regardless of how much you love each other or how well you get along, that other person can (and always will) have different opinions and needs regarding how things are set up.
All the drama, arguments, and resentment most co-habiting couples have is because they have to fucking share everything, compromise on everything, and constantly get in each other’s way. This won’t happen (or at least won’t happen nearly as much) if you have a home set up for maximum freedom and happiness instead of societal conformity.
I’m coming to a town near you in 2019 to do the least expensive Alpha Male 2.0 seminar I’ve ever done. I’ll be in 18 different cities in the USA, Australia, Canada, and Europe. If you want to come to a low-cost seminar to learn how to improve your financial and woman life, click HERE and get your tickets! The next cities coming up are Dallas, Houston, and Brisbane!
Just like I have analyzed several movies in the past for hidden nuggets of reality (links to which are at the end of this article), today I will analyze what I believe is the only good chick flick ever made, one that’s not only funny, but strangely accurate in displaying relationships and marriage, as well as the behavior of women, beta males, and Alpha Males.
The 2011 movie Bridesmaids was able to pull this of by having an R rating(!) and is shockingly anti-Disney for a movie written by women and aimed at a female audience (with the exception of one quick scene at the end, but frankly, as I’ve shown in the past, all comedies these days, even “guy” ones, have bullshit Disney endings). Despite this being what looks like a chick flick, it’s actually very funny and worth watching. Again, this is perhaps the only chick flick ever made where I will say this.
There will be spoilers.
The movie stars Annie, a single woman in her mid-thirties, the hardest decade for women. She works at a low-income job at a jewelry store where she constantly gets into trouble when she doesn’t go into Disney fantasies with her customers when selling engagement rings. She tells them things like “your love won’t last!”, pissing off her boss, who only hired her because her mom sponsored him in Alcoholics Anonymous.
The first scene is her having sex with a good looking Alpha Male. He fucks the shit out of her treats her like a “fuck buddy” and actually refers to her as his “number three.” Being a girl, she wants more from him but he only wants to bang her and kick her out as soon as he’s done, which he does.
She then goes to visit her mom, who is divorced and constantly bitches about her ex-husband leaving her for a younger woman, likely because the younger woman gives him blowjobs when she would not.
Yep. That’s how it works. If men won’t get what they want from their wives, they’ll get it from somewhere else.
Her life-long best friend gets engaged. Annie tries to put on a happy face but feels jealous of the Disney and attention her friend is getting. Annie becomes the Maid of Honor and then goes to meet the other bridesmaids for the wedding.
One is Exasperated Mom, a long-term married mother of three boys who utterly hates her life. She complains about her three boys constantly. She says boys are cute when they’re young, but when they “reach that age” they are “disgusting, they smell, they’re sticky, they say things that are horrible, and there’s semen all over everything.” “The other day I cracked a blanket in half,” she says.
As I examined here and here and here and here, long-term monogamous marriage, when it “works” and people don’t get divorced, does not make people long-term happy despite the massive false Societal Programming that says otherwise.
Next is Goody Two-Shoes, a young woman who recently married her new beta male husband and is still in hardcore NRE. She was a virgin when she married him and is super excited. More on her later.
Next is Fat Girl (played by Melissa McCarthy, back when she was actually funny), a masculine, aggressive, ugly, overweight, and very horny single woman.
Lastly, she meets Fancy Girl, who is beautiful, elegant, confident, charismatic, cultured, married, and wealthy, everything Annie is not. She quickly becomes Annie’s nemesis throughout the movie as they vie for who is the “best” best friend to the bride. Later, they have a “friendly” tennis match where Annie and Fancy Girl spend the entire time angrily smacking the tennis ball into each other’s boobs rather than trying to score points.
While angrily imitating Fancy Girl in the car, Annie gets pulled over by a timid, beta male cop. She tries to use her sex appeal to get out of the ticket, but since she has none it doesn’t work. Regardless, they eventually hit it off after they realize they live near each other.
At one of the bridesmaids’ events, Goody Two-Shoes talks to Exasperated Mom and says she can’t wait until she’s married as long as she’s been married and can’t wait to have kids. Exasperated Mom rolls her eyes at her naivety and says, “Last night I spent hours making a beautiful meal for my family. My son came in and said he wanted to order pizza instead. I said, ‘We’re not having pizza, I made dinner instead.’ He says ‘Mom, why don’t you go fuck yourself?’ He’s nine!”
Annie goes on a blind date with a random beta male. She goes to his house, overhears him talking to his ex for whom he still has oneitis. He’s clearly not over her and Annie hears him complain that Anne “isn’t even pretty!” His son eats one of her birth control pills and she leaves, going back to Hot Alpha Male where she knows she can get good sex.
Women always come back to Alpha Males. Always.
After sex, she timidly asks him if he would like to come with her to the next bridal gathering as his date. He laughs and says no, coming up with the clever excuse that he doesn’t want to embarrass her by telling everyone they’re just fuck buddies. She tries to play it cool, and says she can just ask another guy she knows named George Glass (an inside joke for those who know pop culture well; “George Glass” was the name of Jan Brady’s fake boyfriend on the Brady Bunch).
Hot Alpha Male just rolls his eyes, doesn’t give a shit, and kicks her out of his house.
The bridesmaids discuss where to have the bachelorette party. Exasperated Mom angrily screams that she wants to go to a “fantasy location” and “balls in her face” so she can “actually have sex with her husband again.”
If you get traditionally monogamously married, you need to plan on eventually either not having frequent sex with your wife, or having sex with her but her not being into it at all (wife sex, as I described here).
So, they decide go to Vegas.
On the plane, Goodie Two-Shoes tells Exasperated Mom how the only man she’s ever had sex with is her new husband. Exasperated Mom explains how terrible that is, and that Goodie Two-Shoes clearly doesn’t know what she wants. That’s why, she says, you go through your “slutty college years,” to get laid and find out what you want and like sexually.
As I’ve said many times, most women go through a slutty phase, usually between ages 15 and 23, where they go get laid a lot, then eventually calm down and get back to normal. Women who never go through this phase often do indeed have problems later in life, usually including them cheating on their husbands/boyfriends or eventually getting divorced.
Goodie Two-Shoes asks Exasperated Mom what she does during sex. Exasperated Mom answers “Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop.”
Yep. Wife sex again. That’s exactly what you’ll be looking forward to if you ever get traditionally, monogamously married. Fun!
Goodie Two-Shoes starts getting depressed and starts drinking alcohol. (She actually tells the stewardess, “I’d like a glass of alcohol, please.”) Both Goodie Two-Shoes and Exasperated Mom get drunk and start making out.
While Fat Girl aggressively tries to fuck the resident air marshal on the plane, Annie also gets drunk and causes a scene. She gets arrested when they land, and the entire group has to immediately take a bus back home, ruining the entire trip. The bride fires Annie as the Maid of Honor.
Sad and lonely, Annie goes to meet up with Beta Male Cop. They go to a bar, then back to his place and have sex. He’s super excited because, being a beta, “this kind of thing has never happened to him before.”
The next morning he immediately gets needy, and surprises her with a bunch of baking stuff in his kitchen, knowing she likes to bake, and says they should bake together. His neediness instantly turns her off and scares her a little, and she leaves. He’s heartbroken.
As always, it’s usually men these days who get too serious or too needy to quickly. This is truer now than ever before, due the prevalence of beta males in society. (And will get worse.)
Later, at her job at the jewelry store, when a teenage girl asks about a BFF necklace, Annie tells her that she won’t be friends with her BFF forever, and how it’s all bullshit. An argument ensues which demonstrates classic differences between a stressed-out over-33 woman (who calls the teenage girl stupid and slutty) and the dumb teenage younger woman (who calls Annie old and ugly).
If you want to watch an extended 10 minute version of this argument, it’s right here. It’s a fantastic performance, a great example of two dumb women fighting, and really funny, most of which was completely ad-libbed by both actors:
The Longest Argument - Bridesmaids (2011) - YouTube
Anyway, at the end of the argument, Annie calls the teenage girl a “little cunt,” and promptly gets fired. She also gets kicked out of her apartment and moves in with her mother, to her mother’s joy, who has been begging Annie to move in with her forever.
Old people always think that getting married guarantees them companionship forever, but that’s almost never the case, as I examined here.
Later, at the bridal shower, when Fancy Girl gets the bride a better present than Annie, Annie loses her shit, starts screaming at everyone, and runs around and starts trashing all the catered food at the party. Annie and the bride argue. The bride says, “Why can’t you be happy for me then go home and talk behind my back like a normal woman?”
Yup. That’s normal.
Annie gets into a car accident on the way home and gets into an argument with Beta Male Cop. While they argue, Hot Alpha Male pulls up in his nice sports car and takes Annie away, much to the chagrin of Beta Male Cop.
In the car, Hot Alpha Male tries to get Annie to give him a blowjob while he drives. Annie gets pissed, has him pull over, and leaves the car. He says, “You’re no longer my number three!” and drives away.
Fat Girl comes over and tells Annie to man up. She tells Annie about how she was tormented and ridiculed in high school and now she’s financially successful with 6 rental properties, all because she busted her ass instead of whining about her problems. She says, “I don’t associate with people who blame the world for their problems. YOU’RE your problem, Annie. And you’re the solution.”
Sound familiar? I seem to know a blog written by a guy who says that a lot…
Moving on, Fancy Girl tries to make peace with Annie, revealing that her marriage is terrible, that her husband never wants to see her, and that he travels most of the year.
When you see traditionally married people, it’s rarely as good as it seems. Almost never, in fact.
At the very end of the movie, there is, yes, a Disney wedding, but the scene is mercifully short, lasting perhaps one minute. As the new married couple drives away, Fat Girl reveals to Annie that she put a loaded pistol in the groom’s suitcase as a joke. “TSA is gonna rip his ass apart,” she says. The final scene of the movie is Fat Girl filming her first-time sex with the air marshal (a short, ugly beta male) where she eats a giant sandwich off his body.
There’s more to the movie that didn’t really warrant me describing it here. If Hollywood actually made more rated-R anti-Disney chick flicks like this, I’d go see them. Sadly, I’m pretty sure this is the only one ever made (though I could be wrong).
This is the next installment of the book I never published regarding my history with women and the lessons I learned from it. If you haven’t yet, you should read parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, and twelve before you read the article below, so you can be up to speed on where the story picks up. Everything below is all 100% true to the best of my memory, journals, and spreadsheet records, though all the names of the people described have been changed.
We last left off ten years ago, in December 2008, where the chaos with my crazy 18 year-old MLTR continues…
My insane relationship with Selina grinded onward. During this time I continued to also see Marci, who, as I have already mentioned in a prior installment, had recently returned to me. This meant I was seeing Selina as an MLTR, Marci as an FB, and then a smattering of other random women, most of whom I met through Selina, who was an extreme extrovert and had a massively large social circle.
When she wasn’t at my house, Selina would be hanging out with friends, going to parties, screwing other guys, and smoking weed. She did not have a job and did not drive. Instead, she had a beta male who had insane oneitis for her who drove her around whenever she wanted. She would call him “her bitch,” which is pretty much what he was. Several times he would drive across town from 50 minutes away to my house, pick her up, drive her 10 minutes from my house, drop her off nearby, then drive 50 minutes all the way back home.
Ah, beta males.
At some point, and I don’t remember when, I very stupidly stopped using a condom on her. She had already had a kid who was being raised elsewhere and had a Merina IUD, so I figured it was okay. She also said she wasn’t having sex with anyone else, which I either believed or wanted to believe just to stop wearing the condom. Very, very stupid on my part. This would later come back to bite me in the ass, as you’ll see in a minute.
A few key people she introduced me to during this time who would factor into these stories either now or later: A) her mom, who was just two years older than me; a physically fit and attractive extreme Dominant, B) her 16 year-old sister, who was even hotter than her, though obviously underage and off limits to me, C) one of her guy friends who I’ll call “Joe” who she said was gay (though he obviously wasn’t; I even said so at the time when she told me), D) one of her hot, blonde sister’s friends who was 19, and of course, E) Emi, who I talked about last time, though she moved to California a few weeks prior and was now out of my life.
Selina started pressuring me to let her move in with me. I knew there was no way in hell I could have someone with this insane a lifestyle live with me, no matter how much fun she was. I gently told her no.
A little later, we went to a local fashion show put on by one of my brothers. Selina had a little to drink, and on the way back home, told me she loved me for the first time. I forget what I said in response. I tried to be as nice and sweet as I could, but I didn’t say I love you back (because I didn’t love her; she was 18 years old for Christ’s sake).
When I didn’t reciprocate she started crying. I gave her a hug but that was all I could do. Later that night we had sex (a lot) and she kept screaming that she loved me. She left the next morning.
A few days later I was on MySpace (yes, this is back when MySpace was a big deal) sending out openers to new women. I hit Selina’s profile and saw that she had just changed her relationship status to “Married.”
On her profile it said she had married the “gay” guy Joe.
Rolling my eyes, I sent her a text. The conversation pretty much went like this:
Me: So you’re married now?
And that was that. Our relationship was over (or at least this phase of it). My first MLTR and my first extended relationship with a much younger woman ended when she married another guy while dating me. I just laughed. What a crazy life I was living.
A little later I would find out that Joe was in the Army and leaving for Iraq. As usual with these young military guys, he begged her to marry him so that he could get an instant raise (which is what happens in our insane military). He “loved” her and had been fucking her all along (of course) along with at least two other men I didn’t know about (of course). He promised to put her up in her own apartment and have babies with her, both of which she craved. After me not letting her move in and not reciprocating her “love,” he was an attractive choice for her, so she agreed.
Around this same time, I tested positive for Chlamydia. Fun! She had given it to me of course, and later I found out she had given it to Joe and a few other guys as well. I was a fucking idiot for having sex with someone like this without a condom, even when I knew she was not very safe, despite what she said. Well, lesson learned. I took antibiotics for a week and quickly cured it with no symptoms, and it was the last STD I would ever have. (This was ten years ago, and I’m still clean.)
Marci stopped seeing me at around this time (she did not get the Chlamydia, thankfully), since she had also moved to California and was only seeing me now when she made business trips back up to my region. So now, shit, I had no one else consistent.
Hm. Another lesson learned.
Lesson Number Twenty-Two
Two women on rotation is usually not enough. If you lose one, now you’re monogamous (YUCK!). If you lose both at around the same time, which is entirely possible, now you’re going without sex until you get back out there and find new women. If regular sex is important to you without having to go pick-up new women, you should consider three women on rotation as a forever minimum. I do.
It still wasn’t over. Just a few weeks later I discovered yet another disturbing development, this one possibly even worse than an STD. Selina had gotten pregnant from Joe.
Wait a minute. I thought she had an IUD? A few months later she would give me some kind of story about how the IUD got “dislodged” during sex with Joe (who had a big cock) and this somehow made her pregnant. Yeah. Right. What’s more likely is that she lied to me about having the IUD to begin with, and I was just lucky as hell to not have gotten her pregnant. I never discovered which was true.
Oh well. Another lesson learned.
Lesson Number Twenty-Three
Just because a woman is cute, fun, and fantastic in bed doesn’t mean you should believe shit she says, nor does it mean you should take the condom off just because you’ve been having sex with her a while. This goes double if she’s under the age of 23. You risk STDs and accidental pregnancies no matter what she says.
As the Christmas season intensified, I decided to take a break from going after any new women and would instead relax for Christmas and hit the dating sites hard in January (which, little did I know at the time, is the best month for online dating).
Now that my schedule was cleared of women, and now that I had much more experience with women, armed with my new goal of having at least three women on rotation, when January 2nd 2009 rolled around, I hit it hard, starting off 2009, my craziest woman year of all time…
Here’s another update on something no one else on the entire internet (with an actual audience of a decent size) has the balls to talk about except me: my open marriage with my wife, Pink Firefly. It’s been about three months since the last update, and a lot of you guys keep asking about this and requesting more updates. I’m here to please.
Our current status is that we’ve been together (in some form or fashion) for almost four years and have been living together for nine months.
Things are going well so far. She’s been busy with her job and I’ve been busy with my work, and we spend the weekends together as our mutual break time (though I still get a few hours of work in on the weekends; I work every day, by choice). Yesterday I posted a funny blurb about our sleeping arrangements at my other blog. The article is here if you’re interested.
Our wedding ceremony was last month, and I’m glad it’s over. Setting up one of these fucking things is a nightmare, and even though Pink Firefly did 95% of the work (and paid for most of it), it was still an occasional pain in my ass. The actual ceremony was nice though, once the initial phases were over and I could actually relax. The day after, we both got massages and spent several days at the beach, which was very nice. We go to Cabo San Lucas for our real honeymoon later this month.
During the four weeks before the wedding, PF was extremely stressed out at the numerous problems that occur with this kind of thing, and she’s very perfectionist when it comes to this kind of stuff. She finally relaxed after the wedding was over, thank god.
As I mentioned in the last update, we started seeing the counselor several weeks ago. Not because anything was wrong (it wasn’t) but to A) help us navigate our two vastly different communication styles and B) get an unbiased third party opinion when needed.
I expected to go through one or two counselors before finding one that was decent, but we lucked out; the counselor we found on our very first try turned out to be very good and someone we both liked. She’s got decades of marital / couples experience and vast experience counseling nonmonogamous couples. However, not once in our sessions have we discussed sex, nonmonogamy, my FB’s, or any of that stuff. It’s just not a problem for us. Communication is much more important, at least for us. (All OLTR couples are different and will encounter different problems or bottlenecks.)
With her help, our communication has improved. I’m able to demonstrate more empathy when needed (though it hurts my head to do so sometimes) and she’s able to stay more organized and rational during her communication (though I’m sure this hurts her head sometimes too). As to exactly how we’re doing this, you’re just going to have to wait until December of 2020 when I publish the book on all this.
In terms of drama management in a live-in relationship/marriage, there are two aspects that need to be handled:
1. How to handle the drama when it comes up to diffuse it quickly.
2. The frequency of how often the drama comes up in the first place.
Failure to do item number one means you will end up in these hour-long arguments so many married couples have. Failure to do item two means you’ll be putting up with constant arguing, sniping, nagging, and bitching as a regular part of the relationship. (Again, typical for most marriages.)
If you get both of those things handled, you’re in good shape. We have been mostly focused on item number one (communication again). Moving forward, we’re going to focus on item number two, since I want the absolute minimum number of drama incidents within any given time frame (week, month, year, etc).
The reason for this is that the next big transition in our relationship occurs today. Today is Pink Firefly’s last day at her corporate job. She’s coming home to work full-time on her Alpha 2.0 businesses as well as help me out in my marketing company as one of my virtual assistants. Her and I being home most of the day means the difficulty factor has now been raised in our relationship. We have already set up a schedule where she leaves me alone during the day so I can get work done, yet where we also spend a certain amount of time together on a regular basis, since Quality Time is her number one love language. (Mine is Physical Touch.)
Will it be hard to keep drama to an absolute minimum when she’s home all day with me? Yes. But we have several factors going for us (or else I would not have attempted this):
My home office is located in a completely separate part of the house. You have to literally walk through the garage to get there and go through multiple doors.
I rent a small, separate office 15 minutes away from the house that I can drive to if I need alone time. It’s also set up as a small apartment (it’s also where I have sex with my FBs). PF doesn’t know where this office is.
She’s going to have shitloads of work to do herself, and she’s a hard worker. This is one of the reasons I fell in love with her; I’m attracted to workaholic women.
We’re almost four years into our relationship (nine months of which cohabiting), so I know exactly what kind of person I’m dealing with.
She’s shown a track record, via her actions and not words, that she’s willing to put in the work to make this kind of relationship work, even during the isolated times when she doesn’t really want to. This is something I did not have with my first wife the last time I was married (in a traditional, monogamous marriage… yuck!). Her attitude was more typical of a married woman; that most of the problems were my fault, that I needed to “shape up,” and that she didn’t need to change anything because she was “working hard already” or something.
As always, I will keep all of you updated. I’m optimistic based on the factors I see before me.
I have still been trying to find one “main” FB on the side who is reliable, and after trying and failing with two different women in a row, I’ve come to the conclusion that the universe just doesn’t want me to have a primary FB right now. So I’m going to stop trying and instead stick with my current group of three different FBs who I see regularly, based on whoever is available that week. I usually see one FB per week.
A lot of you have been asking for pictures of Pink Firefly (and of us). I’ve been waiting until she’s comfortable with that. I asked her to be in my upcoming Alpha 2.0 Business Video Course but she refused. So instead, I promise I will post pictures of her on this blog by the end of this year.
That’s it for now! For those of you about to raise objections to anything I’m doing, since I’ve seen these objections over and over again already, I’m going to save myself some commenting time and preemptively respond to them here:
Objection: “BD, I don’t think this is going to work, because…”
Objection: “You’re seeing a fucking counselor? I would never do that! <or> A real man would never do that! Just fucking tell her what to do!”
My answer: You’re an Alpha Male 1.0 and that’s not who I am. I’m an Alpha Male 2.0. I don’t tell women what to do because A) I’m outcome independent and don’t care, and B) I have better things to do. I’m a man on a Mission and I don’t have the time or desire to babysit females. I just let them do whatever they want and leave them if they stop making me happy.
Objection: “You’re doing NAWALT! Now that you guys are married, she’s going to instantly start turning into a bitch!”
My answer: If you’re right (and the odds are you’re not), then fine, I will end the relationship, lose zero money, and my sex with my FBs will continue. You’re forgetting this is an OLTR Marriage, not a traditional monogamous one where divorce = mass chaos and problems. By the way, Pink Firefly is aware of all of this, which creates further pressure on her to continue to play nice (unlike monogamous marriages where the woman has little to no incentive to keep the relationship going).
Objection: “This is all bullshit! PF is probably ugly!”
My answer: You’ll see pics of her by the end of the year and you can judge for yourself. PF is very pretty, looks about 28-29 years old with no wrinkles anywhere, has long platinum blonde hair, is just over a hundred pounds at 5’4”, has very big boobs, and looks like a Playboy bunny. Yep, really ugly.
Objection: “You can’t be Alpha 2.0 if she’s going to work for you! You’ll have to tell her what to do!”
My answer: In terms of business tasks, correct. She’s already been doing some work for me and she fully understands that when it comes to business only, I will tell her what to do and she must do it and do it with no argument, or else she gets fired, just like any other virtual assistant. I have contingency plans in place for this possibility, as always.
Anyway, more updates coming soon. I’ll try to post more of these. (I really want Pink Firefly to write one of these, but that’s up to her.) Pink Firefly will also be reading the comments, so if you have questions for her, free to ask (though she’s under no obligation to answer you).
This is part two of an article I wrote on opposites attract right here. Please take a minute and read it if you have not yet; it will put much of this article in context for you and prevent confusion. In that article, I described the overview of why you are attracted to certain women (and why they are attracted to you) and an overview of being complementary versus being compatible.
In this article, I will focus more on techniques you’ll have to employ once you find yourself in a relationship with a woman who is your opposite.
I happen to be an expert at this, at least at this point. As I’ve talked about before, since I have an extreme personality (more extreme than most people), I am most attracted to women who are of the opposite extreme. Most normal people won’t have this trait quite as much as I do, since most people are more balanced.
Since my personality is on the extreme side of the masculine scale, I tend to be most attracted to women on the extreme feminine side of the scale. This accurately describes Pink Firefly, as well as the serious relationship before her (HBM), and a few other women who were important to me in my past.
As I talked about in part one, you will be more attracted to a woman who has lots of traits that are the same as you and opposite to you, and you will be less attracted (or at least experience “typical” attraction) for a woman who has traits all over the place. Please refer to the chart in part one for a visual representation of what I’m talking about.
When you find yourself in a relationship with a woman who only has traits that are identical to yours and opposite to yours, with none in-between, it generally means you get to experience these positives:
1. Heightened mutual emotional attraction. This is obvious. Your attraction for each other will be operating at a higher level. Always a good thing.
2. Heightened mutual sexual attraction. Again, pretty obvious. The sex between the two of you is probably going to be very good; she will (likely) like the way you fuck and vice versa. The physical attraction between the two of you will also be high.
3. Very fast meet-to-sex times. You won’t have to try very hard to get her to have sex with you. In many cases, she’ll practically throw herself at you (particularly if she’s younger and/or has lower ASD).
4. Less drama. People often think that opposites will have more drama than normal couples. Wrong! Couples who have the most drama tend to be people who are very similar to each other, like when an Alpha Male 1.0 gets into a relationship with a Dominant (as I showed in this chart here). When in a relationship with an opposite, you’re not really going to want to argue very much, even if you disagree, since because she’s your opposite, you won’t really give a shit about the things she feels strongly about, and vice versa.
5. Attractive dynamic to other people as a couple. This means that when other people encounter you two, you will put off a more positive, attractive vibe to others. This always happens to me whenever I’m out in public with an opposite woman I’m in a relationship with, and it’s not something I can completely explain. I just know it happens. When out in public, people are going to want to talk to you two and be close to you. For example, several times now, complete strangers have come up to me and Pink Firefly, commenting that we “look like a great couple,” and similar. We even had a guy come up to us in Vegas and tell us that we were the “best looking couple” in the resort. I’m not even good looking (though Pink Firefly is); I think he was commenting on our vibe as a couple, not necessarily our attractiveness.
Those are the positives, and they’re all very nice. However, no extreme condition in life is neutral, so if you are in a relationship with your opposite, you’re also going to have to deal with a few negatives that you likely won’t encounter with other women, including:
1. Difficult communication. This is the biggest one, top of the list. Pink Firefly and I relate to this one personally. Because we are so opposite, we communicate on completely different wavelengths much of the time. (This has been the case with past opposites I’ve been in relationships with as well.) This can cause all kinds of problems, confusion, and misunderstandings if you’re not both very, very careful.
In a less serious relationship (FB or MLTR) this doesn’t really matter. If she doesn’t like the way you communicate (and if she’s your opposite, she won’t), then that’s her fucking problem and she can leave if she doesn’t like it. However, if the relationship is a serious one (as in an OLTR, OLTR Marriage, or high-end MLTR) you and her are going to have to learn how to adjust your communication styles at least some of the time. And here’s the thing: you’re not going to want to do it (and neither will she). Your subconscious mind is going to constantly resist you communicating in any way other than the way you’ve communicated your entire life. The same is true of her when she tries to adjust her communication for you. It’s hard, and it’s not really an issue for normal couples in normal, non-opposite relationships. For example, I had no communication problems with my first wife many years ago; we communicated just fine because we weren’t opposites.
2. Higher propensity for oneitis and betaization. The risk of oneitis and betaization is always an extreme one in all serious relationships, of course, but it’s higher in ones where you’re with your opposite. That’s why, when dating an opposite, you need to be double as careful when it comes to managing your frame, EFA, nonmonogamy, outcome independence, and Alpha Male 2.0 status, as well as waiting a very long time before you even think about getting into an OLTR with her (and if she’s your opposite, you probably will).
The slight good news here is that this increased tendency for oneitis and betaization applies to her as well. You’re more likely to get oneitis and lose your frame with her, but she is more likely to get oneitis for you and lose her frame with you as well.
3. Frequent confusion. This is a minor issue but still a real one. When in a relationship with an opposite, you and her are going to be regularly confused, and thoroughly so, as to why the other person is doing certain things in their lives. She’s going to do things that make absolutely no sense and utterly bewilder you, and vice versa.
Thankfully, if you’re an Alpha Male 2.0, this shouldn’t be a problem, since you should be completely outcome independent as to how she lives her life, particularly the irrelevant (to you) details. But if you’re an Alpha 1.0 or an anal/nerdy beta male, this is going to drive you insane. I’ve seen this happen with many Alpha 1.0s and betas in relationships with opposites. It causes a lot of confusion, snapping at each other, and arguments.
Being in a relationship with an opposite is a higher-work, higher-reward scenario. If you’re a more balanced (“normal”) person, this shouldn’t be an issue to you, and you can simply choose to avoid getting into any ongoing or serious relationships with opposite women if you don’t want to put in this extra amount of work. However, if you have a more extreme personality (like I do) or are only strongly attracted to extreme opposites (like I am), you need to be prepared to put in a little more work (to get a little more rewards too) in any relationship that is serious. (Or you can simply refrain from any serious relationships, which is fine too.)
A while back, commenter Nicolas made this comment:
I’m currently making a strange experiment. Well, it’s strange for me, as I’m testing your stuff (going for young hotties on dating sites while being in my late 30s). But I made a move in the complete opposite of this post. On my dating profile, I made a little bit of blabla (nothing interesting, but I write well, so it’s ok to have it), but the core of it, the main paragraph states (roughly translated to english):
“First of all, I’m polyamourous. I have 2 women in my life, and I have feelings for them. So suck it monogamy!” (very approximate translation)
My response rate crumbled to 5% (0% amongst women my age). But two gals contacted me, and showed interest in polyamory as soon as they opened their online mouth (in France, it’s not as big as it is in the US). One told me she considers MLTR to be some ideal relationship. The other one just crave for air in monogamous relationships (in my opinion, she should really consider polyamory as a lifestyle).
So, stating I’m polyamourous right away:
– Allows me to focus more on the type of girls I want to meet. In my opinion they have lower ASD, are less bossy, and I think the drama is also lowered (at least, I know I won’t have jealousy drama).
– Makes my profile clearly unique. They contact me because they want to know about polyamory. I’m suddenly not a random profile on the website, I may be the only one stating my polyamourous lifestyle (appart from OkCupid, I don’t think many dating sites allow you to show your nonmonogamous lifestyle, and OkCupid is not much important in France).
– Shows great OI in my opinion. Always a good thing.
– Removes creepiness: I’m not starving for sex, I clearly show I have feelings. Both gals told me in the first messages that they are open to first date sex… more than I was expecting (I’ll also try your 2-dates model, even if I may be surprised by their model).
Also, a reader named Paul recently sent me this email:
I’ve been reading your blog for a year or two and own several of your books. Thank you for sharing so many of your experiences. Congrats on making a business out of it!
I’m 46, divorced, with two young kids. Today I have four FBs who all know I have other relationships. Some of them know about specifics. They are 22, 26, 28, and 40.
I have made a small change to my approach from what you recommend. I have a conversation about non-monogamy with women before I have sex with them. Since sex almost always happens on the second date it’s always on the first date or at the start of the second. With two of my current FBs, the 26 and 28, they were very relieved and excited that I was so open minded and wouldn’t be attempting to monopolize them sexually. Telling them up front was an immediate good thing. With the 40 there was a brief hiccup, then everything went on as if there had never been a discussion. With the 22 it was simply a non-event discussion – she totally didn’t care.
I still remember all the trouble I had back in 2007 and 2008 trying to get women to have open / polyamorous / nonmonogamous relationships with me. No matter what I said, no matter what facts I presented about divorce rates, or people cheating, or the benefits of not being monogamous, or having women just go back and remember why their past monogamous relationships failed, none of that helped. They were adamant about monogamy, period. It was a huge uphill battle. There was so much resistance.
“Oh no, you’re wrong! Not all guys cheat!”
“Oh no, you’re wrong! Once you fall in love with someone, really fall in love, you won’t ever want to have sex with anyone else.”
“Oh no, you’re wrong! Once you find the right person/guy/girl, long-term monogamy works great! You just have to find that person!”
“Oh no, you’re wrong! My aunt/uncle/co-worker did it!”
I also said many years ago that as time went on, monogamy’s failure rates would continue to rise. This would force people to start considering nonmonogamy whether they wanted to or not. And I was right. As I already talked about here, it is now far easier to get women into verbalized nonmonogamous relationships today than it was just ten years ago.
Another factor I had not considered also helped this: technology. In an internet / smartphone / social media world, it’s become extremely difficult to cheat on your girlfriend / boyfriend / spouse and never get caught. Back in the 1980s, when there were no cell phones, no internet, and barely any computers, cheating was easy as hell. Today, cheaters are getting caught in far larger numbers than ever before because of technology. Soon, technology will render it literally impossible to cheat, as I explained here.
Today, divorce rates have gotten so bad and cheating has become so rampant, and being able to hide your cheating has become so difficult, I don’t have to convince new women I meet of monogamy not working and of nonmonogamy at least being a viable option. If a woman ever balks at the concept of having an open or poly relationship, all I have to say is, “Every boyfriend you’ve ever had has cheated on you, right?”
Every time I’ve said this, the woman just looks at me with a blank stare for a second, then embarrassingly looks away. Seriously. Try this. It will work. It’s worked on tons of women in the last few years, including Pink Firefly.
My advice is, as always, to slowly move a “normal” (i.e. she’s only done monogamy) woman into the world of open or poly. This way, you can take almost any woman, regardless of her background, and move her into a nonmonogamous relationship with extremely high odds of success. I describe exactly how to do this in this book here.
However, we are now, slowly, moving into an era where some women don’t need this kind of hand-holding. As Nicolas and Paul have pointed out, many women can simply be told, right up front, that you only do nonmonogamous relationships, and they may just go for it.
Can you do this with all women? No. As you can see from Nicolas’ experience, his response rates dropped to near-zero when he declared this on his online dating profile, and that was in France where they are a lot less uptight about sex than in places like the USA or Canada.
You can also see from both Nicolas’ and Paul’s accounts that the women they were dealing with were young. Nicolas was only going after VYW and Paul noted that the 22 year-old “didn’t care” while the 40 year-old had a “hiccup.” Yup. That’s exactly how it works. The other two girls were well under the Age of Doom: age 33.
So, if you would like to experiment with violating a part of my system, and verbalize your nonmonogamous intentions right up front instead of avoiding any discussion about the relationship for 3-5 months like I typically recommend, you may do so, as long as you follow these parameters:
1. You are not a beginner at this stuff. I can tell that both Nicolas and Paul were reasonably experienced with my frames and techniques. Blatantly verbalizing nonmonogamy right up front is something for guys who are at the intermediate or advanced levels only.
2. You are extremely confident and outcome independent. Again, I can tell that both Nicolas and Paul are in this category, at least to a strong degree. They’re also older men; Nicolas being in his late 30s and Paul being 46.
3. You focus solely on younger women, meaning women well under age 33. VYW would be ideal. As always, the younger the woman, the lower ASD she’ll have, thus the more likely early verbalization will work. As Paul said, women under the age of 23 are barely going to care. Women age 23-28 are going to care a little. Women age 29-32 are going to care, but may still be workable. Women age 33 or over are going to be near impossible. (The 40 year-old Paul describes is an exception to the rule, I promise.)
4. You already have other women in the pipeline. You can’t do the thing some de facto monogamous men do where you tell the woman you’re not monogamous, and call her an “MLTR” or “OLTR” when in fact you’re monogamous because she’s the only woman you’ve had sex with for at least several weeks. If you’re telling a woman you’re nonmonogamous, you’d better actually be nonmonogamous, which means you’re regularly putting your cock inside at least two different women on a regular basis. Note that both Nicolas and Paul were dating several women at a time, not just one or two.
If you fall into all four of the above parameters, and want to give early verbalization a shot as an experiment or test, please do so. If you don’t fall into the above four categories yet, wait until you do.
And yes, in several more years or decades, many or even most women will agree to this stuff right on the first date (or sooner!). But we’re not quite there yet.