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Most of us could be described as at least mildly attached to our mobile phones. If there’s a spare moment to be had, gone are the days where we sit in silence and gaze at the world around us, watching strangers go about their daily business. These rare gaps are instead seen as prime opportunity to reach for our smartphone and pour over emails, WhatsApp or browse the web. It’s all fairly innocuous behaviour and it’s up to us how we spend our time, but there are certain occasions when it has to be an absolute no-no.  Being on a date is one of them.

It’s not acceptable, it’s rude

Once your date is about to get into full swing there are a few courtesies that will hopefully come as second nature to you. The first should be an easy one and amounts simply to giving your full attention to the person in front of you. It signals your appreciation for the fact you’ve both travelled to spend time together and that you’re willing to honour this decision by being fully present.  If this is a difficulty for you, heaven help your date.

We get it, phones are so much a part of life now that we’ve learned how to incorporate them into almost every activity there is.  We cook and text, walk and text, workout and text – we believe we’re effective multi-taskers and capable of achieving goals whilst texting our BFF about dinner plans.  NEWSFLASH – you’re not a computer and neither is the person in front of you.  When you’re face to face with another human being it’s not possible to remain fully engaged if half your mind is elsewhere and you’re fixated on a screen.

To be a really thoughtful and attentive date, the only time your phone should come out is in an emergency or, if you feel threatened in any way.  Don’t even bring it out to Google something, it instantly kills the vibe and essentially invites a million other people into the room to join you both.  You’ll feel the energy change when a phone is pulled out, it’s a total connection killer.

Keep it out of sight (and silence your smartwatch)

For some reason, we believe that placing our phones on the table, on silent or face down, is an adequate signal that we’re going to be fully present for our date and unwilling to let anything or anyone distract us.  As signals go, this is a really lame one.

Turning your phone over doesn’t make it invisible and feeling it vibrate, or seeing the screen light up the table every 10 minutes, is a huge passion killer.  It’s also totally unnecessary and makes you look like a child who needs to keep their comfort blankey in sight.  The rule is, if you’re not using it – and you shouldn’t be – put it in your pocket or your bag. And the same goes for disabling smartwatches.

All the various beeps and pings we have in our life can become like white noise to us when we hear them every day, but you should consider what someone new to it all might be experiencing.  Your date may not want to spend the night listening to your smartwatch ping when you’ve achieved your stand goal for the day, or when you need to breathe more steadily for the next two minutes.  Smart watches are just as invasive, even when you explain that you’re not looking at the time, just checking a message you weren’t expecting.

Remember the purpose of the date and never forget to offer the same level of respect as you’d like to receive back.  We urge you to show up with your manners.  It’s just a couple of hours, it’s unlikely you’re going to miss out on anything that important.

The post The Tech Files: Texting On A Date appeared first on Berkeley international.

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We hear stories all the time about women catching their partners talking to other women online. We’re not being sexist, we’re relaying real stories and unfortunately, the majority of these ones come from women we meet or who read our blog.  They want to know what online flirting means for the future of their relationship: if it’s harmless – it doesn’t feel that way – or if it signals much deeper issues that need to be dealt with.  As matchmakers who speak with men and women daily about their needs and motivations, in situations like this we always err on the side of caution.  If it’s happening then it’s relevant, it’s important and it’s unlikely to be harmless.

Intentions

With any action that people take part in, you have to get to the real root cause of the behaviour and work out what their intention behind it is.  People don’t suddenly wake up one day and decide to begin talking to others online about their day or their sexual fantasies.  Even if it hasn’t gone that far and your partner claims simply to be curious about what’s happening on all these different apps, think about why they may have kept it a secret and why it wasn’t something they felt they could be honest with you about.  You, their life partner.

The content of the messages, if it has got to the stage of regularly communicating with particular people, will tell you a lot about how innocent the exchange is.  Ultimately, yes it’s online, but the person on the other end is a very real human being with needs and emotions. If you would be upset about the same topics or level of intimacy taking place at a bar or with a co-worker, then you have cause for concern that it’s happening online.

What’s missing?

Be aware, this isn’t about blame in any sense, but you will both have to be honest about what is missing from your relationship to the extent that another person has been invited into it.  A lot of people would automatically assume that the motive is sexual for a man and emotional for a woman, but this truly isn’t the case.  Men need to be heard just as much as women, they want to feel as though they can express themselves without judgment, mockery or needing to hide aspects of their personality.

If you find out your partner is cheating, try your hardest to not immediately set up camp in the attack or defensive zones.  Once the initial shock subsides, try to figure out together what it is they’re getting from flirting online that is missing from your relationship.  The may say it’s nothing – not true – or you may disagree with another answer they give.  Whatever you do, remember you cannot negate someone else’s feeling or perspective, simply because you don’t see it the same way.

Growth

This is one hundred per cent something that a couple can bounce back from and together build a stronger relationship.  It is only possible however when you’ve had the open and honest conversations about the points raised above.  In our opinion, cheating or flirting in any form should be addressed and taken as seriously as you do the sanctity of your relationship.

We understand the dating age has changed dramatically over the years and the amount of choice and ways to spend your free time can be truly overwhelming.  This isn’t an excuse for low-level infidelity however, so don’t fool yourself into thinking it’ll blow over smoothly without at least a chat.

The post The Tech Files: Online Cheating appeared first on Berkeley international.

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Staying in contact with an ex is, for the majority of people, fraught with issues. It’s not necessarily only negative breakups that cause the most stress, even splitting up on amicable terms can unleash just as much confusion about the right protocols to adopt post-relationship.  When it comes to texting, often viewed as the safer alternative to any awkward verbal conversations, there seem to be a number of mental hoops people jump through before clicking send.  How frequently can you text, what are the appropriate hours to do so and how much information about your new life should you really include?  Whilst we’re not going to answer all those questions, we are going to address the ones that should come before them.

Cooling off period

Regardless of how amicable your breakup has been, we suggest that you observe a strict cooling off period before you begin texting each other as friends.  It’s hard to fully grieve a relationship when you’re still communicating just as often as you did when you were together. You may also notice that the person who was ‘dumped’ tends to get the short straw when it comes to behaving like friends so soon after ending things.  Constant contact can give them false hope that there’s a chance to rekindle the romance and a sudden silence when you meet someone new can feel like a second breakup.

So that neither of you feels shunned or ignored, agree that you’re going to cease contact for a few weeks, if possible.  Give each other the space required to assess what’s happened and begin the true healing process.

Intention

When people text their ex’s, especially soon after a breakup, we’ll be so bold as to say they are rarely texting about the thing they’re texting about – if you get our drift.  Perhaps you’ve sent a message under the pretext of collecting the 20pence you left on their coffee table, but actually what you really want is an excuse to show how angry you still are, to check how they are, or to stop yourself from feeling quite so lonely.

If you find your fingers hovering over the text buttons on your phone, the best thing to do is stop and ask yourself What’s my intention here?  What is it you’re truly looking for from this exchange you’re about to attempt?  What will it take to satisfy your needs and is it appropriate – and fair – to seek it in this manner?  These are all massive questions for sure, but you need to take some control in your life at this point and figure out your motives before complicating things further.  If your intentions are honest and pure, be clear about them with your ex, don’t wrap them up in false pretences.

Boundaries

If there is one thing you need to establish after a breakup it’s boundaries. Strong, sensible, healthy boundaries around yourself and the new life that is trying to emerge for you.  Texting seems so low-key, so harmless, that in fact we forget it can be just as invasive and pervasive as a phone call.

If you’re the one who ended the relationship, spare a thought for the person who is maybe trying to get over the hurt and pain that no longer dating you has caused.  Yes, you may want to check they are okay, show you still care or that you’re not a complete monster, but be mindful of how you do it. It’s not up to the other person to make you feel better about your feelings or to quickly forgive you.  You can’t force this responsibility onto them.  Show them you care, but don’t swamp them in your emotions.

If you are the one who has been broken up with, you must respect the boundaries of your ex also.  Of course you want more of an explanation, maybe you even deserve one, but ultimately if they aren’t going to give it there has to come a point where you step back.  Find ways to deal with the not knowing and ensure they respect your own boundaries by not accepting any mixed signals they may later give.

New partners

Lastly, it’s worth remembering that you will both eventually move on and the history you created will fade away.  We want you to consider how you might react if you meet a new potential partner and you learn that they still regularly text their ex.  Put the shoe on the other foot and think about how you’d feel if this were happening to you.  Would you mind, or would you prefer they had a clean break once and for all?

The post The Tech Files: Texting Your Ex appeared first on Berkeley international.

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There’s a lot of talk about loneliness these days. It used to be an unfortunate accompaniment to old age, something that showed up overnight with the death of a loved one or gradually, as all your friends began to retire and move away.  Now, however, loneliness doesn’t have those sorts of boundaries and can infiltrate any time or any space.  This is one of the reasons it’s essential for anyone suffering with it, to be honest with themselves.  Burying it doesn’t work and neither does hoping it’ll just sort itself out.

Young, old, dating or single, if you’re feeling lonely, here are the things you can try.

Figure out when the loneliness began

Yes, it’s possible there’s been a dramatic change in your life, one that led to an overnight feeling of loneliness, but it’s not always that clear cut. Sitting down, with yourself or someone else, and figuring out exactly when these feelings started to creep in, can help with working on a solution. Knowledge is power, so don’t only feel the loneliness, investigate it.

Don’t be embarrassed

As odd as it sounds, embarrassment can be and is often part of our comfort zone. Shyness, pride, or whatever your own version, is a feeling we recognise even if we don’t like it. It stops us from doing things that are alien, things that may change our situation – such as joining clubs, or being truthful with friends about our how we’re really getting on.  If you want to feel a different way, do something new or long forgotten.

Don’t judge yourself

Loneliness isn’t always about how many people you have around you and when. You can be a magnificent social butterfly but still extremely lonely on the inside, just as people who are reclusive or introvert may never feel lonely a day in their lives. There are no ‘shoulds’ when it comes to this, so if you feel lonely don’t fall into the trap of trying to justify it to yourself, or anyone else.

Know there are options

There is always a group you can join, offline or online. There’s also advice and help that can be given by all sorts of professionals, from your doctor to a therapist.  This is especially useful if there’s any element of depression associated with how you’re feeling.  If an option doesn’t seem overwhelmingly appealing, try it anyway.  Don’t reject help outright if there’s the slightest chance of it having an impact.

Please, don’t settle

One of the top reasons for people staying in bad relationships is that they don’t want to be alone. They would rather be with someone than no one and this is a really bad idea. This method of combating loneliness is just as unadvisable as starting a relationship because you have nothing better to do. It’s a disservice to you and the person you’re with.

Write a list of things that make you feel better

In the moment of feeling low there’s often the accompaniment of helplessness, which can make it very hard to see a way out. If you have a list of tried and tested methods to show yourself that you are loved, healthy and able to have good experiences, it can make a world of difference.  Keep the list accessible, never forget the options you have available and add to them when you find more things that soothe.  Not everything will work all the time, but all of them may work some of the time.

Try new things

This is worth mentioning multiple times, simply because it’s so easy to stick with what you know, thinking that you know best.  Yes, you may have spent a lifetime living a certain way, or going to particular places – but this doesn’t mean you can’t change and open up a whole new world to yourself. Use your loneliness as a catalyst to engage in ways you never have before, let it become a doorway to new things rather than a brick wall.

Know that dating won’t necessarily solve your core problem

There are people in relationships who have a really hard time, who are unhappy and also feel lonely.  You need to remember this, if you think dating is the cure-all to your loneliness.  Don’t get into a relationship hoping someone will fix you.

The post How to tackle your loneliness appeared first on Berkeley international.

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It’s unlikely you’ll be surprised to find out there are very few personal hang-ups which affect dating as much as age and weight.  These topics infiltrate nearly every area of our lives and of course, the surplus of negative feelings can usually be traced back to the media.  It’s not that TV and magazines are totally to blame – of course not – but seeing celebrities in their 40s who look like siblings of their 25-year-old children, truly doesn’t help the layperson’s body image.

What also doesn’t help is our own individual body nostalgia that we lug around from moment to moment, relationship to relationship.  Ones such as the memory of our own once svelte body after a particularly successful but long abandoned diet or, the gift of naturally toned muscles in our youth.

Sound familiar?  When the old gremlins of insecurity come a’knocking at your door, here’s what you need to hold on to.

Confidence first
We know them, we’ve seen them in the wild at parties, strutting around offices or digging into seconds at a restaurant.  It’s that wonderful, vibrant, confident plus-sized beauty, or graciously grey older person who simply oozes confidence. These people are the epitome of body and age acceptance, they know what they want and they simply go after it, or let it come to them.  It’s not to say they don’t have hang-ups, they simply don’t make their body or age one of them, all the time.  The fact is, if you’re confident, love yourself and you project that there is nothing sexier.  And this is why the next point is so important.

Making better use of your time
There is so much focus of the external that most people forget they’re more than this – a lot more.  The surest way to boost your confidence is to spend less time and money fixing your packaging and much more on what’s going on internally.

Diet plans and gym memberships can be wonderful aids in achieving the goals that will provide you with that much-needed boost, but getting to the root cause of your insecurities is a much surer bet.  Try this: invest in a therapist or coach who can help you understand why you eat pasta at midnight, choose a physical activity you actually enjoy like walking or dancing, reassess relationships with people who make you feel small, disempowered or old.

The changes don’t have to be huge and earthshattering to positively affect your wellbeing and self-esteem.  You may be surprised.

Embrace who you are now
If there’s one thing we all have to do its age. There’s no way of getting around it, not really, and definitely not permanently.  Whether we do it gracefully or regrettably is entirely up to us.

The question in relationships is not whether you look good enough for your partner, or whether they’re going to leave you for a younger, fitter model.  The question is whether you can embrace the man or woman that you are now, and not who you were 20 years ago.  Can you look at your larger stomach, thinner hair and accept (even if you are working towards different goals) that you are a different person, with a shape and history which reflect it?

Respect the new you, be fluid with it. Trust it.

If you’re looking for love and would like the support of the experts here at Berkeley International, then why not get in touch today?

The post What relationship hang-ups do you have? appeared first on Berkeley international.

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Ghosting appears, ironically, to be something that has sprung up out of nowhere these past few years. It’s likely been around for decades, but as the ways in which we connect with each other increases, so too do the ways we can disconnect – seemingly without a trace.

More and more people are releasing the shame and anxiety involved in being so unceremoniously rejected. There are countless tales of people going on multiple dates and then suddenly having their messages ignored and once active dating profiles replaced by broken links. If you haven’t experienced it, count yourself lucky. If you have, there are three possibilities we want you to remember and consider.

Plain old-fashioned rudeness

It’s impossible to deny that quite simply, some people lack an appropriate amount of care for others and are extremely rude.  There are many reasons why people perpetrate the act of ghosting and this has to be one of the least acceptable.

Believe it or not, we’ve spoken to these guys and gals, the ones who can’t be bothered to explain why they suddenly don’t fancy you after two months of dating, that actually they were never single or, that the ex they were madly in love with has decided to take them back, leaving you as less than an afterthought.

The pain of being on the receiving end of this is very real. It feels like you have wasted an inordinate amount of time like you have been imagining the whole relationship and will never be able to trust again.  As difficult as it is, however, imagine if you had married someone like this, or heaven-forbid, started a family with them.  Spend some time looking at all the ways you may have struck it lucky, by having them disappear now.

Avoidance

Unfortunately, one of the reasons people ghost is also down to a mix of cowardice and an inability to really articulate what has changed. These are the people who favour avoidance in life, pass up on any sort of unnecessary confrontation and prefer to keep life stress free and easy going.  What this means, is that if the easy option is to simply ignore and pretend nothing happened, then that’s what they’ll do.

So where does this leave you?  It leaves you as a casualty of someone else’s lack of backbone.  We have a little, and we mean a fraction, of sympathy for the avoiders because when the going gets tough, life really can swallow them whole.

Genuine issues

And finally we have this, the genuine issue that someone may be going through and is the reason they have, without warning, cut you from their lives.  It’s extremely easy to jump to the conclusion that there’s been some kind of catastrophe, that the person you’ve been seeing is hurt, that there’s nobody who knows how to contact you, or worse still, you’re just not seen by their family as important enough to be involved.

When you think like this you may be called paranoid, or told you’re clutching at straws, but honestly, real issues can and do arise. It is possible to mitigate the damage of this early on by putting measures in place.  This includes connecting on social media or exchanging the numbers of your best friends. This way you know for certain that if you’re suddenly and obviously blocked from all their profiles, it’s definitely a case of ghosting rather than a rare and mysterious disease.

Why not get in contact with a member of the Berkeley team to discuss our services, or fill out our discrete online enquiry form here.

The post Ghosting, what you need to know appeared first on Berkeley international.

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If your gift to yourself this Valentine’s Day is to get serious about your dating life, then one of the easiest steps to take is sorting out your dating profile.  Whether you’re with a matchmaker, on a dating site, or occasionally flirt with an app or two, there are common mistakes that many, many people make. This month we have a list to keep you on your dating tippy toes.  If you spot even the smallest improvement you could make, then do it. Little changes can have huge results.

Photos

How many of you have been on a date with someone who looked nothing like their profile image? We’ve heard all kinds of epic tales, including a man who merged a picture of himself with Sean Connery.  He was worried about being recognised by friends but didn’t want the profile picture to look too different from himself.  Needless to say, he looked nothing like Mr Connery.

Please, when it comes to your photos, it’s a very simple rule; keep them no more than a couple of years old, no celebrity merging, no reality-defying angles.

Also, profiles that have multiple images, in different settings and which demonstrate varied aspects of your personality are always a winner.  If they’re not all selfies, then even better.

Invest

There’s an old saying that we’d like to gently remind you of here at Berkeley International, and that’s ‘If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys’. When things aren’t going so well with dating, you must look at the company you’re keeping and the environment that’s encouraging it.  If you’re paying £4 a year for a service, the calibre of potential partners will likely reflect it.

Think about where you have your hair done, where you do your nails, clean your car or the restaurants you choose to eat for dinner.  If you’re dating life matters as much as all of those, then invest in it just as much.

Write outside of the box
Yes, we’re all looking for a good time, to have fun, a laugh, to see where things go but what is this really telling someone about yourself, what does it really mean?  Common phrases or sentiments that are seen from profile to endless profile are unhelpful in asserting your uniqueness and genuine desires in a relationship.

Rather than list the things you’d be crazy to not want, spend extra time on what’s most important or special to you.  As an example, if you are an avid explorer-adventurer, have scaled Everest and partake in multiple expeditions each year, don’t simply write ‘sporty, love to travel.’ You’re missing a prime opportunity to not only express who you really are but also to connect with someone genuinely compatible.

 

Be available, not stuck

Dating can take up a lot of time and sometimes feels like an extra day job.  If you’re not lucky enough to have a matchmaker to help you separate the wheat from the chaff, then there are some definite rules you should aim to stick with as much as possible.

To help stop becoming overwhelmed, decide what time of day you’re going to log into accounts, exactly how much time you’ll spend scrolling and what days you’ll take a break from it all.

Don’t be too rigid with yourself or too flexible for strangers. Be active on the dating scene, not obsessive.

Ask questions
This is really important to us at Berkeley International but overlooked by a lot of people in the dating world.  When we work with clients we like to know what specific questions they want us to ask prospective dates.  Being curious and thinking outside of yourself for a while makes it clear that you’re truly interested in a partnership, in the deepest sense of the word.

Try to not stick with the standard ‘What sort of food do you like? Have you got any hobbies?’ script. Attempt a couple of questions that would really impact a relationship, such as ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ or, ‘What’s the best example of a happy, healthy relationship that you know?’

For more information about our discrete matchmaking services why not fill out our quick online enquiry form.

The post 5 Ways to improve your dating profile this Valentine’s Day appeared first on Berkeley international.

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Breaking up with someone is difficult at the best of times; the pain, anguish and uncertainty of what the future holds can be overwhelming. It’s common to hear platitudes such as time heals, or just take some time and space for yourself.  These are all well and good, but what happens however if you still live near your ex, in the same small town, or even in the same house?  What do you do, when every time you try to heal you bump into the past?


Small town love
If you live in a small town then the likelihood of bumping into your ex on a weekly or even daily basis is going to be high. The unpredictability of such meetings will vary in intensity, depending of course on the circumstances of your breakup. If it wasn’t an amicable one, then it’s extremely important that you actively try to manage your side of the emotions. This means anything from therapy for your broken heart, to sensitivity if they’re the one who wanted to remain together.

It’s not unheard of to actually have the discussion with an ex about how best to engage with each other in public.  You can mutually decide to be cordial, or you can take a stand and ignore them if that works best for you.  The key is to be sure about your motives and to be wary of following their lead, especially if it’s not what you’re comfortable with.  Over time as you both move on, the way you interact will naturally evolve.


Under one roof
Occasionally couples who split need to remain in shared residence until either the finances are worked out, or new digs are found. It’s extremely important to set boundaries in circumstances like this, so that both parties know exactly what’s expected.  Considerations should always include sleeping arrangements, joint bills, food expenses and daily chores such as housekeeping.

Clearly, if this is a long term arrangement, more delicate matters will need to be addressed, such as what happens if either of you meet a new partner. The last thing you want is to wake up and find you ex’s new girlfriend cooking breakfast in your kitchen.


Children and assets
Children and the stability of their environment is a huge motivator for staying close to one another after the breakdown of a relationship. This only truly works when the proximity you choose isn’t detrimental to the pair of you healing and moving on as individuals.

The idea of keeping an arrangement fluid and flexible sounds lovely and new age, but the reality is you need to be a pair of extremely well adjusted adults to pull it off. Boundaries after breakups help us to navigate our new position in life and in relation to each other.

Likewise in business, think about how long you can genuinely remain connected to a partner you no longer feel the same about.  Personal animosity makes for a terrible professional working atmosphere and is unlikely to improve your output.


Social media
We all know someone who’s had an unhealthy interest in the social media profile of an ex. These days it’s incredibly easy to waste hours not just pondering what an old flame is doing, but actually following it in real time via their social media feed.  It’s a slippery slope. 

If you’re still digitally connected with your ex there are a range of options you can employ, from unfriending or unfollowing completely, to muting them on your feed and controlling what they’re able to see on yours.  As always, assess your intentions for whatever choice you make, keep it positive and refrain from making this decision a bigger issue than it needs to be.

The post Help, my ex lives across the road! appeared first on Berkeley international.

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We meet a lot of people in this line of business, from the desperately seeking to the nonchalantly hoping. As many of you know, we don’t take on every applicant that walks through the door because a) that’s not what exclusivity is and b) all daters are not created equally. 

Understandably, the most important sign we’re looking for as matchmakers is that our members are ready to be in a relationship.  It’s imperative that they have the correct mindset – or are willing to take our advice – for love and all its delicious experiences to be had.  What this means is that no one’s time is wasted and our success rate stays consistently high.  If you’re wondering how we know if you’re ready for love or not, take a look below at some of the red flags.


You’re massively attached to your routine

It’s wonderful to lead a full and successful life, one which sees you comfortable and enjoying every aspect of your freedom, but if we don’t see any space for a partner then you may receive a raised eyebrow from us.  The fact is, and especially if you’ve been single for a long period of time, people can become extremely inflexible about what they’re prepared to give up, edit, or make way for, when it comes to love. 

It’s unfair to expect a new partner to slot perfectly into your routine without any consideration of what’s important to their needs.  For those of you who are truly unable to give any leeway but still desperately want a significant other in your world, we’ll only match you with a member who is fully informed and open to it.  A compartmentalised love life is not for everyone.


You take frequent dating breaks

We encourage dating siestas once in a while, when it’s honestly more beneficial for you to sit out a couple of dances and just reconnect with being a happy individual.  If however, after every date you feel the need to take a 3 month hiatus and are ‘sworn off women’ or ‘over men’, then it usually leads us to ask the question of whether you’re truly ready for love. 

In these scenarios, it may be there’s a little healing, or baggage ditching that has to come before any further dates.  It may be there has to be a recalibration of your relationship desires, the way you present yourself or, how you’re responding to the way others are presenting themselves to you.

Dating should not be a chore. It should also not be so exhausting that a convalescence period between each one is necessary.


You won’t pay for dating services
It may be unfortunate, it may not fit with your romantic envisioning of how life is supposed to be – but the fact is, in such a digital age, there may be occasions when you have to pay someone to help you date. 

We’ve said it time and time again, you pay for a personal trainer, a chef, a hairdresser, a coach – these are all people who are experienced and trained in helping you to achieve personal goals.  If you’re reluctant to pay membership to dating sites, matchmakers, or spend on a wardrobe that would help you to feel great and provide great rewards, then perhaps you’re not ready for the relationship you’re looking for. 

If you think you are ready, then choose wisely, invest well and focus on the value, not the cost.


You have fixed ideas
Fixed ideas can, on occasion, be very subtle code for “I’m never going to meet anyone worth changing my mind for” or, “I’m really scared to be truly open”.  If you find your list of must-haves becoming extensive, or leaving little room for a genuine multi-faceted human being, then you may want to check-in with your overall goals in love. 

For example, how crucial is a man’s love of Film Noir to being with you, raising a family with you and supporting you through the good and the bad?  How absolutely imperative is a woman’s income to being a loyal, faithful partner to you? 

Knowing what you want is an absolute prerequisite when it comes to dating but you have to know when the balance has tipped over into unhealthy levels.  You have to know whether you’re motivated by the positive experiences you’d like to have, or the negative ones you’re trying to avoid.


You purposely go for the wrong type

Let’s start with an example, “I just can’t resist the bad boys” or, how about “I just love women who are a little crazy.”  These sound like quirky preferences, ones that make you out to be a little adventurous, a little bit daring – but our advice, as harsh as it may be, is to grow up. 

Yes, you may be attracted to this type, but does it correlate with the future you want for yourself?  Loving bad boys and then being upset because you’re treated badly and none of your goals are aligned, is not smart.  What’s smart is dating people with goals that are the same or similar, but who also share your love of occasionally being reckless or adventurous.  Any good matchmaker is not interested in helping you to perpetuate a vicious circle.

If you think you’re ready for love, you’re raring to go and excited about the prospects, give us a call.

The post Sorry, but you’re not ready for love appeared first on Berkeley international.

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If you’ve been following our blog for the past few years you’ll know we’ve covered a multitude of different topics, guiding both men and women through the world of dating.  From the devastating Help, my relationship is ending and How to move on after infidelity, to the more fun and whimsical 10 Spontaneous things to do this summer, we’ve discussed the ups and downs of finding a long-term partner and maintaining harmonious relationships.

This New Year, in appreciation of your continued interest and support, we want to do something slightly different.  This year is all about opening the floor to you guys, both our members and non-members alike, to tell us what you need to hear from our experts.  If we haven’t yet covered the subjects that most confuse, upset or amuse you, then you can let us know by commenting on our social media.

Here are some pointers, if you need them:

How to meet partners

There are a lot of dating apps and websites available now, literally thousands of ways to meet people and attempt to get to know them better.  In theory, it should be a lot easier to find the man or woman of your dreams and at least try to create something special and lasting.  As we all know however, with more choice can come more complexity, people looking for perfection, or constantly hedging their bets.

If you have tried online dating and various apps but now have questions about how matchmaking might be a better option, then ask us.  What part of the process interests or alienates you, what have you always assumed about matchmaking and what’s maybe put you off in the past?

 

Dating 

Before you get into a relationship, for some of you there is what feels like a truly epic bout of dating.  This involves many aspects, including frustrations about again deciding where to go or what to do, and jittery butterflies over whether your date likes you and will want to see you again.

Dating for men and women is very different and even though the ultimate experience is a shared one, you’ll each see it from different perspectives and have different concerns about the process.  So tell us, what do you most need to get to grips with, is it what to wear, ghosting, first kisses, compromising, or even how to have fun?

Maintaining relationships

For a lot of people in the dating world, finding a partner to have a relationship with is the biggest and clearest goal, for obvious reasons.  It’s once in a relationship however, that one suddenly realises the ability to maintain it is the next crucial skill required.  The goal at this point becomes about not making a mistake that could send you straight back to the dating pool you’ve just escaped.

We want you to think about your previous partnerships and about what you found hardest, or what the common factor for your breakups have been. Do you find it difficult to express your needs, do many of your partners cheat, do you always end up compromising? Let us know what you personally struggle with and what you need to learn more about.

Confidence

Confidence is attractive, there’s no denying that. There are multiple reasons you may be lacking it but it’s necessary to believe that life doesn’t have to remain this way.

Tell us whether you have self-esteem issues, problems with the way you look, the way you dress.  Ask us how to use conversations skills that are engaging, or how to listen attentively and show a date you’re interested in them.

Class, finances, logistics
In our business, we come into contact with people from all walks of life. This includes different ethnicities, ages and socioeconomic backgrounds. What this means is that we’re in a unique position to match couples based on multiple factors and across a vast range of preferences.

Are you a strong independent woman who struggles to find a man with equal income, or one who’s comfortable with your busy lifestyle? Are you a man of means who struggles to know if a woman loves you for who you are and not what you have?  Whether your question is about dating outside of your ethnicity, pay scale or locality, we may just have the answers you need to hear, to get your love life moving in a healthy, more positive direction.

If there is a topic you feel we haven’t covered, why not ask us on Twitter or follow us on LinkedIn and we’ll find the blog for you or write you a new one to answer your questions.

The post How can we help you? appeared first on Berkeley international.

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