So, here I am. I just turned 49. A couple weeks ago my wife left me for my former best friend. One of the last things she said to me was, "I love you, but I just can't be with you. I need to find myself, and I think that, to do that, I need to move on." Fortunately we do not have kids. We have been married for five years. I found out from mutual acquaintances that apparently my wife and my former best friend had been seeing each other for a couple months before she left me. I confronted my former best friend about it. That didn't go well--for either of us.
My former best friend is a manager at a local branch of a large regional supermarket chain. He makes about twice as much per year that I do.
I am trying to pick up the pieces.
Divorce is obviously in my future. My soon-to-be ex-wife has made it clear she wants to move on and wants nothing further to do with me. She planned her exit well. One day when I got home from work, I found that she had cleaned out the house of almost everything, including MY stuff that I had before we got together--including MY cat (Jasper, a gorgeous Maine Coon mix), who I had gotten as a kitten about a year or so before we started dating.
So, to answer the typical questions I've been getting from acquaintances: NO, I was not physically abusive; NO, I did not intentionally abuse my wife emotionally or verbally--although I guess some of my personal habits might have caused her concern, maybe? NO, I did not sleep around.
In fairness to my wife, I will say that I did have episodes of absent-mindedness and forgetfulness (missed dinner dates, forgotten anniversaries), times where I unintentionally tuned out when she was talking with me, or forgot something she had told me.
But I also had my moments of glory. While much of my life in construction is structured and regimented, I do have a spontaneous streak. There were times when I would come home from work on a Friday and surprise my wife with the news that we were going to visit one of her favorite local regional places for a few days--something I had planned well ahead of time (financially and with approved time off from my job) so as not to cause us any financial problems. She always enjoyed this aspect of my personality and she never complained about it. In fact, she even now says that was one of the things she liked about me.
I was also the only one in the household who worked at a "traditional" job. She is an "artist". She paints and sculpts, also plays music. So far she hasn't gained any recognition or made any money at it, but she is convinced that any day now she'll make her breakthrough. She definitely has some talent, no question about that.
I've been on ADHD meds for a few weeks now and my focus has improved somewhat, but my wife said it was "too little, too late". I was advised to see a doctor by my supervisor at work. My supervisor has a brother with ADHD and he said he saw some of the same things in me that he sees in his brother. I was due for my annual checkup and spoke with my doctor about the ADHD thing, and he gave me a referral to a mental health clinic that deals with ADHD in my area. When I went to the clinic and had my initial visit, it turned out I apparently ticked many of the boxes for ADHD. So, anyway, here I am. I'm trying to figure out my next moves in life.
Hi. I'm a 16 year old teen. I suspect I may have ADD. I know quizzes are the least relevant sources to determine if I have a certain condition, but that's all I can do. My scores are: 37 on the test where anything above 20 was considered a strong tendency. adult ADHD, my score was 38 (high), inattention subscale: 25 (high), hyperactivity:13(moderate). That's all I can recall. I know that I have problems with attention since birth. From childhood til now my symptoms didn't get any better or worse, it's just how my brain works and it seems like a constant state of my mind.
The problem is, there is almost no GOOD specialist in this field in my country and especially in the city where I live. And even if there was, they'd be suggest nothing new except for diagnosis, but all the drugs which are taken by people with ADHD in other countries are just illegal here, even ordering it is illegal. I couldn't find any forums for people with ADHD in my country, so I don't know what those people do. I doubt there are good behavioral therapies available in my country, it just would be time-consuming process. I have final exams next year, I'm really determined to get into good-quality university but my condition definitely won't help. What can I do? When I sit and start studying, I can't concentrate, after about five minutes I just want to walk around (I also have maladaptive daydreaming), I can't help myself. Whenever people talk to me I imagine unrealistic dialogues with random people (I know that those are just fantasies, I'm not a schizophrenic) or just think about nothing. I can't listen to teachers for long, especially if they talk monotonously and without stopping, if I don't pace around after about five minutes of attempting of concentrating, I'd feel very bad, this will be a big trouble in university. What can I do to manage myself without proper medication?
P.S. Sorry for posting it in this subthread, I couldn't find better sub to post this.
I definitely have been experiencing OCD for a long time ... I also suffer from anxiety and depression ... I also have had Epilepsy for almost my entire life ...
I think that I have rOCD ...
The largest rOCD problem that I have deals with my wife's weight and her looks ...
At this point, I have terrible thoughts about her mostly when we are in public ...
We really do have an absolutely tremendous relationship - except for my thoughts ...
Do I suffer from rOCD ?? ...
I really need to understand and agree that I do suffer from rOCD - and what happens, what I do, etc is not my fault ...
Can anyone let me know if my thoughts and actions are actual rOCD examples - or am I being unfair to her by "keeping" her in the marriage ?? ... Do I have rOCD ?? ... Is what's happening not my own fault ?? ...
I hate them. It's like being back in school and having no clue where to even start, and, once again, giving up in frustration. Same with crosswords. You have to be up on celebrates and other things that don't interest me. Word games remind me that I can't spell. Cards or board games? I always forget the rules, which direction we are going, etc. I find most games stressful.
I have been on Dexedrine for about 2 years. I found tolerance built up fast and quickly found myself on the highest dose (within 6 months). It got to the point that I started taking an extra pill here and there for days that I really needed the medication to work. Obviously this is against what the doctor orders but I found it necessary. As you can imagine I would run out of my meds before the next refill and go through a few days of withdraws on a monthly basis.
I have decided to stop taking Dexedrine for a few months to get my tolerance down. I am trying to now figure out a good system to keep tolerance from building as quickly.
Before I realised I had ADHD I experimented with LSD micro dosing and modafinil. Tolerance was also an issue with those. Has anyone tried cycling medications with good results?
I've been taking Adderall XR for two years, and it has definitely helped me. However, my old doctor no longer takes my insurance and I'm going to find a new doctor in the next few weeks. Anyways, I was wondering if a new doctor would likely continue to write my old prescription, since it shows up in the database that I've been taking this prescription for almost two years now.
Or if they would be likely to say that I need to be tested for ADHD by a psychiatrist. Because the previous physician prescribing it was a GP and he diagnosed me with ADHD-PI (as well as sleep apnea).
If I did end up getting the testing done, what could I expect? Does it tend to be a long day of testing? And what is the experience of being tested for ADHD like in general? Also, there's a psychiatrist in the area where I live that specializes in ADHD, and it's his primary area of expertise. So, if I were going to get the testing, that's likely where I'd go.
Has ANYONE had lip swelling from adderall? Last week I had HORRIBLE lip swelling. I stopped everything, even my probiotics and supplements. It went away. This week I added adderall, thinking that there is no way that was the culprit. Well, here I sit, hiding out in my office, because I look like a FREAK. Last week it was my bottom lip and right side of my top lip, today it is the left side of my top lip and my bottom lip. It isn't just a little bit, it is scary and embarrassing. Holy crap!
Just wanted to share my experience with those who are struggling to find what works. I figure us who have ADHD and depression may have a similar brain chemistry. My doctor prescribed me Cymbalta for ADHD (off-label) and depression. It has worked wonders. I also take Modafinil for ADHD as needed. But honestly the Cymbalta does all the work. Many psychiatrist who specialize in ADHD presribe SNRI's such as Cymbalta, Effexor, and Wellbutrin for ADHD when someone has co-existing depression. More specifically, my psychiatrist honors the rule of the 7 different types of ADHD which you can test for with a quick Google search. She had me take a test at her office and determind I'm the overfocused type of ADHD, which is a fit for SNRI treatment, and known to not respond well to stimulants.
I hope this helps someone in their plight to find the right medication. I know how frustrating it is. I didn't respond well to Adderall and actually started abusing it. Maybe consider talking to your doctor about SNRI's for your ADHD if you have co-existing depression? Take care.
A goal of mine was to have remained a bit more active on these forums, yet funny how having ADHD-C always seems to act against what I want!
I'm not posting on the New Member Introductions forum since I am not a new member, but have been absent for almost three years and I figured I may as well try to meander my way back on here without much of a grand entrance.
Anyway, a lot has changed since I was last on here. I moved back to my home city of LA and have managed to get a very decent job at a legal non-profit--woohoo!
That being said, have any of y'all experienced very routinized sense of time when it comes to stable jobs? I basically have a routine on display in my mind as a pattern of blocks, where I pretty much follow through the same schedule every day, M-F, 8-5 (800-1700). Mondays through Fridays are very different, but they are pretty much the same every week. Saturdays and Sundays get the brunt of my exhaustion and ADHD perfectionism (after 5 days of following through a schedule, I mainly eat sleep, work out, at very odd, inflexible, and inconsistent hours and usually sleep late).
Does that kind of routine get boring to any of you? Do y'all ever feel like dropping the ball because the mundanity of it all becomes too under-stimulating, or it feels like too much to keep up with? Or have any of you actually found a way to balance these without wanting to just isolate in shame? (Speaking for myself)
To treat my ADHD-PI my psychiatrist has put me on Concerta 27mg. "Finally a legal solution to my problem", I thought! And I tried it for a few weeks. But that stuff just makes me very depressed. It actually makes my concentration problems much worse. And it just makes me extra quiet and numb. I'm no longer in the present and current location with my mind. After three days I was convinced that me and my whole life were the biggest most miserable mistake ever. And I was bordering on suicidal. Still I tried it for two full weeks, hoping it would go away and the benefits would start to kick in, but it didn't.
So, I took a week off and after that I returned to my usual 2x 2,5mg a day of dextro-amphetamines that I source illicitly. This works wonders for me. It makes me motivated and I get work done. Nothing extraordinary, just enough to pass as a normal person. I am in the "here and now" and can actually enjoy a dinner with my wife and child. When I'm on it it actually makes me feel more like myself. I take regular breaks from it without any problems. The normal chaos just returns. And sometimes, I just don't need it and don't take it. I've been doing this for over a year now while patiently awaiting the long waiting list between diagnose and treatment that exists here.
This difference in effect really caught me by surprise. Especially since the two are so similar.
The thing is, my psychiatrist won't prescribe these dextro-amphetamines to me because it's "addictive". But in my opinion it's just as addictive to me as insulin is to a diabetic person.
What are my options now? Anybody ever deal with this? Is this difference in medicine effect normal?