Loading...

Follow 100 Pedals on Feedspot

Continue with Google
Continue with Facebook
or

Valid

Ten years. Ten years is the time I have spent on this journey with opioid use disorder, or heroin addiction. I have read a lot of books on substance use disorder or, addiction. I have attended numerous parent group meetings and educational seminars; and, I have talked with many treatment professionals. Without sounding too boastful or proud, I have learned a great deal and speak from a place of confidence.

I just finished a book, “Overcoming Opioid Addiction,” by Adam Bisaga, MD, an addiction psychiatrist, clinician, researcher, and professor of psychiatry at Columbia University.  He conducts research on new treatments for opioid addiction and oversees a national program that mentors physicians treating opioid addictions.

I have committed this blog to promote this book for the following reasons:

  1. It provides a perspective on treating opioid addiction which is in complete alignment with all I have learned and experienced. Between corrupt and self-serving treatment facilities and addiction resource singularly committed to one form of treatment methodology, our addiction community has been incredibly underserved. The information in this book brings reliable, accurate researched based information forward in an understandable manner.

“I would argue it is now unethical for professionals to refer Opioid Use Disorder (OUD) patients to more than half of the treatment facilities in this country…Most enter traditional treatment clinics unequipped or unwilling to deliver treatment with medication because it does not fit their definition of sobriety.” – Dr. Bisaga (p. 6) 

  1. It provides information on treatment I wish I had known and utilized ten years ago. It took me nearly eight years before I began to realize there may a better way to treat my son’s heroin addiction. As I studied what were deemed “alternative” approaches, I came to discover the alternative methods were the ones which needed to be mainstreamed, not the other way around. If I had only known.

“Quality addiction care based on scientific advances, remain out of reach for the great majority of afflicted individuals. Most of those lucky enough to find themselves in an addiction program receive an outdated and ineffective treatment of brief detoxification followed by non-medical abstinence only approach.” – Dr. Bisaga (p. 32) 

  1. It is a must-read for every single parent of a child with opioid use disorder. As parents, we have this incredible skill of attempting to figure out what is best for our child based on what we believe. We make decisions through our own filters, often without the benefit of a blank slate or open mind. Our decisions are clouded by our own experiences, perceptions, or preconceived notions. Every parent, as part of the research process for finding a treatment program for their child is encouraged to read this book before deciding and with an open, receptive mind.

 For the best chance at recovery, people with addiction need to address all {their} issues or they become reasons to use again. For most, taking away the drug is not enough. Recovery is not just about abstinence but wellness and quality of life and being free from as many problems as possible. True recovery is building strength.” – Dr. Bisaga (p. 116)

 Ten years! It has a been a long hard road. The gift in my journey comes from what I have learned and how my life has been transformed in the process. I would gladly trade this gift in for having the information contained in this book earlier. In my willful stubbornness, I may not have read it; but, now that I know what I know, I would not make the mistake of not reading this book, today!!

To purchase your copy of “Overcoming Opioid Addiction” on Amazon click here.

NOTE: I intentionally left out specific content information from this book because I know the parental mind all too well. After all, I am one.  If I shared too much, your preconceptions would not allow you to read or accept it.  If you read my blogs, I hope you trust me by now. Trust me.  Read this book!

Stay tuned for more information on future content activities. We will be moving away from blogs and podcasts to video based content – chats, forums, and workshops.  If you would like to be on our mailing list please contact Dave Cooke: dave@100Pedals.com

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

With March Madness coming to an end later this week, I couldn’t resist putting a tournament like spin on this week’s blog. I am hoping you will forgive me for the sports analogy and for referring to the addiction journey as a “game.” In order for this article to work, I needed the flexibility to use words not normally found in the addiction/recovery lexicon.

Watching the basketball games this week, I noted an interesting pattern in the way the games were coached and officiated. The behaviors in both these roles defined how the game was played, how it flowed, and the impact they had on the players themselves.

As I reflected on this more closely, I started to think about parental behaviors with their children and how similar behaviors impacted how our children respond to similar tendencies represented in the coaches and officials.

  1. Control: Some coaches and officials went to great lengths to control the game. When the coaches did it, they managed every play, critiqued every decision, and pointed out every mistake. They were constantly calling time outs, interrupting the natural flow of the game, and were a distraction to their players. When the Officials controlled the game, calling every little foul, every call was challenged, the players became confused and frustrated, and the officials interrupted the natural flow of the game. No matter where it occurred on the court, controlling behaviors just weren’t working for the players who are trying to play the game.
  2. Trust: There were a few coaches who demonstrated their teaching skills as a coach. The coaches who stood out were those who let the players play their game. These coaches still provided guidance and instruction from the sideline, but they did not inject themselves into the game in the way controlling coaches did. As a result, the game flowed, the players trusted themselves and the team worked together extremely well. The other key result is these teams usually made great adjustments to adversity and mistakes during the natural flow of the game.
  3. Emotion: The final observation from these games in observing coaches and officials was the way they engaged the game. The controllers, coach or official, reacted to everything by assuming more control. The more they reacted, the less fluid the game, the higher the emotional energy, and the more reactive everyone became. Once they obsessed about results and control, they seized control and struggled to relinquish it.  For the coaches and officials more into letting the game play out, they better responded to issues during the game. They never tried to take over, they simply revisited the defined boundaries of the game and allowed the game to move forward. As a result, the players rarely had big issues with the coaching or the officiating because they became comfortable in the natural flow of the game. And, the game itself was much more enjoyable to watch as the players engage in defining the outcome.

Addiction Madness and Parenting: When it comes to parenting and Addiction Madness, control is not really a productive parenting behavior. For the same reasons highlighted above, attempting to be control the game, injecting yourself into the flow, into every play, into every mistake, only serves to interrupt, while frustrating and confusing your child.

As coaches, fans, and officials need to trust these basketball players know the rules of the game and know how to play it, we need to trust our children know what is expected of them, what they need to, and what happens if they don’t do it. Controlling is counterproductive to the process, while trusting they know what they need to do is – even if they aren’t demonstrating they get it.  Conversations with people in addiction consistently reveal they know what they need to do, they struggle with the desire to do it; something no parent or coach can do anything about.

When we trust our children, we give them the space to make decisions, while allowing them room to adjust, learn, and grow in the process.  When we don’t trust them, attempt to manage and interrupt the process, we are not helping them. We are often hurting and frustrating them.

I am not minimizing anything about Addiction Madness. It is not anything like March Madness. Addiction Madness is life and death. It is serious stuff.  I get that. However, the behaviors I outline for productive coaching and officiating in the game of basketball, are incredibly similar to many of the same general behaviors I would define as guidelines for effective parenting in the lives of our children.

****

Want more insights from this blog?

Join me on the podcast “100Pedals Talk: Inside the Blog” as I delve deeper into this post and share personal stories or reflections behind the article. (Note: The podcast relating to any particular blog is released on Thursday of the same week this blog is posted.)

You can also subscribe to this podcast on I-Tunes here.

“Inside the Blog” podcast current episode: http://theaddictionconversation.libsyn.com/being-heard-and-understood-the-greatest-gift-of-all

I would love to hear from you.

What issues are confronting you today? Where are you currently experiencing fear and shame relating to the struggles in your life? I have some pretty cool tools to guide you and would love to help.  Please let me know if you need more: dave@100Pedals.com.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

What happens when you take the time to listen to the perspective of someone else, without judgement, criticism, or condemnation? What happens when they feel heard and understood? It changes everything. Today’s podcast looks at the listening, in a parenting model, and examines the impact selfless listening has on a child struggling to be heard or understood.

Check out this episode!

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Parenting behaviors take many forms, especially in difficult and challenging times. In chaotic times, I have discovered many of our decisions and behaviors are heavily influenced by fear. Last week’s blog focused on fear and how it defines our actions. The following quote effectively summarizes this point:

Decisions made from a place of fear are often emotional reactions to complicated situations which rarely lead to the outcomes we desire as logic and reason have been minimized by the fear’s intense presence.

 The other byproduct of our fears is how we approach the situation, often getting caught up in our own emotional struggles while losing perspective as to who’s issue we are dealing with. To that end, last week’s blog also focused on these three critical focal points:

  1. Be the parent our children need us to be, not the parent we think we need to be.
  2. This is about them and their struggle, not about us and our issues.
  3. Break theses habits by engaging in one simple activityLISTEN.

 (If you didn’t read last week’s blog, I would encourage you to read it first before proceeding.)

Selfless listening is a challenge. It requires us to be committed to listening to the person sharing, without an agenda, without fear, without interruption or opinions, without minimizing or dismissing the struggle, and without any judgement, criticism, or condemnation.

It is almost impossible for a parent desperate for their child to interrupt the habit of their destructive behaviors, to sit back and listen while repressing he desire to add their version of truth and reality to the dialogue. As difficult as it is, this exercise provides valuable, necessary perspective for the parent.

Enlightening perspective is the point of the active. Selfless listening is the act of engaging in a conversation where one must be willing and committed to encourage the other person to freely, openly and honestly share what their world looks like, from their perspective. Even if what is being shared makes no sense, it is the listener’s job to probe and inquire to the point where the other person feels heard, understood, and supported.

The advantages of selfless listening when interacting with a child in crisis are significant:

  • To discover their world as they experience and see it:
    • We only see what we know and understand, without their input we cannot see what they know and struggle to understand.
  • Obtain a deeper sense of their issues and what gets in the way of what they are trying to accomplish:
    • We have them on our agenda and our plan. How well do you understand what is on their agenda or their plan?  What if it is not what you think?
  • Create a path for them to eventually trust you with their deep truths instead of safe information, complete BS, or something in between:
    • Instead of getting mad at them for lying to you or holding back critical information, you have an opportunity to create an environment where they can share real stuff without you flipping or freaking out.
  • A process which models authentic communication from a place of love, trust, vulnerability and acceptance:
    • Much of our own internal struggle is overcoming our own distrust of others to be authentic and engage in effective problem-solving interactions – selfless listening breaks the cycle.

We have a great opportunity to help our children navigate the things they are struggling with.  These behaviors are not limited to a child with an addiction issue, it is a powerful, resourceful behavior for any challenge a child is facing.

They don’t need us to tell them what we want them to do, to remind them they need to do it, to inject our agendas and expectations into their life. They need a parent who listens.  One who can hear and understand what they are going through and struggling with.  One who is willing to invest the time to selflessly listen and keep judgement, criticism, and condemnation out of the conversational process.

When you know where they are in their struggle, you will know what they need from you.  When they ask you for it, if they do, you will be better equipped to respond from a place of wisdom with love. I encourage you to try it.

In this week’s podcast, I will be sharing a few of my direct personal experiences resulting from my shifts to selfless listening.  You won’t want to miss it.

****

Want more insights from this blog?

Join me on the podcast “100Pedals Talk: Inside the Blog” as I delve deeper into this post and share personal stories or reflections behind the article. (Note: The podcast relating to any particular blog is released on Thursday of the same week this blog is posted.)

You can also subscribe to this podcast on I-Tunes here.

“Inside the Blog” podcast current episode: http://theaddictionconversation.libsyn.com/navigating-your-way-free-from-someone-elses-chaos

I would love to hear from you.

What issues are confronting you today? Where are you currently experiencing fear and shame relating to the struggles in your life? I have some pretty cool tools to guide you and would love to help.  Please let me know if you need more: dave@100Pedals.com.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Today’s “Inside the 100Pedals Blog” podcast focused on this statement, “Decisions made from a place of fear are often emotional reactions to complicated situations which rarely lead to the outcomes we desire as logic and reason have been minimized by the fear’s intense presence.”

Blog reference: http://www.100pedals.com/healing-through-listening/

Check out this episode!

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 
100 Pedals by Dave Cooke - 4M ago

In the emotionally, guilt ridden energy of addiction in the family, as parents, we assign a great deal of responsibilities to our behaviors and our decisions:

  • To do the right thing
  • To not mess this up
  • To get this under control
  • To fix this
  • To make sure no one finds out

Wow! That is a lot of responsibility, especially since much of what we are dealing with – our child’s choices in active addiction – are way beyond our control.

Take a moment and closely examine what is behind these priorities – fear:

  • Fear of not making the right decision
  • Fear of making a mistake
  • Fear that we might have somehow caused this
  • Fear of this getting worse and having permanent damage
  • Fear of being judged as having been a bad parent

Again, wow! What a scary, difficult place to operate from. I lived there for nearly two-years. I get it. I have experience with the crippling effect fear has on our minds and how it can and does corrupt our decision making.

Decisions made from a place of fear are often emotional reactions to complicated situations which rarely lead to the outcomes we desire as logic and reason have been minimized by the fear’s intense presence.

Over the past several months, the central theme around these blogs have been to help shift our focus away from fear and more toward love; after all, pure love is the exact opposite of fear. Accomplishing this involves an awareness of two aspects in our perspectives which get in our way of trusting our love instead of embracing our fears:

  1. Be the parent our children need us to be, not the parent we think we need to be:

When I first started dealing with my son’s addiction related issues, I made all the decisions. I reacted to the immediate problem and did exactly what I thought and believed needed to be done. I was committed to the notion that recovery was the highest priority and I couldn’t get my son into recovery fast enough. I was doing all the things I thought I needed to do to be the parent I believed I needed to be. My motivation came from a place of love, but my real concern was driven by my fears this could get worse and by my underlying guilt that somehow, I might have failed my son.

Having the benefit of hindsight and experience, I realized this could have been managed differently. Instead of focusing on what I thought I needed to do, I could have taken my time to learn. There is a whole level of information which was missing from my decision- making process, all of which involved learning about what was actually going on in my son’s world from his eyes, his experiences, his struggles, and his wants/needs.  I took none of those things into consideration. Instead of being the dad my son needed me to be, helping provide him what he needed most, I chose to be the dad I needed to be and determined what I most needed to do.  These are entirely different responses and behaviors.

  1. It is about them and their struggle, not about us and our issues:

When stuff goes wrong with our children, we don’t realize it, but, we make it about us.  It usually begins with a “How can I…?” and then results in us stepping in and taking over. The problems and struggles our children are dealing with are not about us, it is about them. It is their struggle. Addiction and recovery are no different. They don’t need you to fix it, they need you to understand it.  They don’t need you to manage it, they need you to let them figure it out. Guidance and help is a solicited activity.

The best response to have with a child’s struggles is to make certain we are focused on them – where they are, what they are struggling with, why they are struggling, and what they need from us (if anything). Without this information, which can only be gathered from having an open, interactive conversation with them, we are doing what we think we need to do and are making the outcome all about us and our objectives for success.

Break the habit of being the parent we think we need to be and make our children’s issues all about us, as though they are our problem, pause, step back, take a break.  And, engage in one simple activity – LISTEN.

Not just listening to hear, but to learn, to understand, to know. To learn what your child is going through. To understand how they feel, discover what their deepest struggles are, and why. To know from them what gets in their way, how that impacts them and, if they choose to share, what they are looking for from us.

Add selflessness to your listening behaviors to create an even more powerful dynamic. Selfless listening – selfless because it requires you to be committed to listening without an agenda, without fear, without interruption or opinions, without minimizing or dismissing the struggle, and without any judgement, criticism, or condemnation.

How many times has your child said, “you just don’t understand, or you just don’t get it.” This is their cry for help, it’s a call to action. They are saying, “you don’t listen to me enough to truly know where I am, how I feel, what I am struggling with, or what I need from you to help me.  Please let me share this with you and don’t freak out.”

Next time you feel the urge to react, to share your agenda, to project your frustrations, pause.  Ask yourself, what do I need to know about them, about where they are, and what they are struggling with?  Encourage them to share as you listen selflessly.  See where that takes you.

We will be spending much more time, on this subject over the next few weeks. I would love it if you would email (dave@100Pedals.com) your thoughts and questions about listening. This is the most important and fundamental lesson for parents to connect with our children and their life struggles and challenges. Together we can collaborate to build a powerful “community that listens” through this process.

****

Want more insights from 100Pedals’ blogs?

Join me on the podcast “100Pedals Talk: Inside the Blog” as I delve deeper into this post and share personal stories or reflections behind the article. (Note: The podcast relating to any particular blog is released on Thursday of the same week this blog is posted.)

You can also subscribe to this podcast on I-Tunes here.

“Inside the Blog” podcast current episode: http://theaddictionconversation.libsyn.com/what-if-there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-bottom

I would love to hear from you.

What issues are confronting you today? Where are you currently experiencing fear and shame relating to the struggles in your life? I have some pretty cool tools to guide you and would love to help.  Please let me know if you need more: dave@100Pedals.com.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

From “Inside the 100Pedals blog” Podcast. Life rarely goes according to plan.When it doesn’t, all is not lost. The same is true of a parent’s story. Even if, even though, addiction may have radically changed everything, there is still an incredible, powerful story worth living and sharing.

Blog reference: http://www.100pedals.com/your-story-is-not-lost-or-broken/

Check out this episode!

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

“I just want something to be normal.”

This statement, shared with me on a Facebook exchange, just jumped out at me. It caused me to pause and reflect on my own journey. These words were so true for me several years ago.  I often found myself sitting on the front porch, wishing for the day when my son would come around the corner of the house and everything was suddenly okay, back to normal. This was the story I so badly longed for.

As I look back on these thoughts today, I realize my story isn’t broken or lost, it has simply changed. This new story is not only dramatically different, but it is incredibly better.

I am not minimizing or looking beyond the pain in my experiences, as there was and is plenty. Nor am I trying to pretend there weren’t different components of this journey which brought me to new lows, deep levels of heartbreak I never thought possible. And, I am not trying to say the road I am currently on is all rainbows and unicorns. It is not.

What I know, is this journey I am on has made my story better than the fantasy one I fought so hard to protect and save.

There is beauty inside every storm. It is hard to see or embrace at the time. Once we find ourselves in the middle of the storm, all we can think about is getting back to the place where it wasn’t this hard or this painful. We all come to realize, at one time or another, there is no going back. Despite your desires to protect what is or what was, everything has been forever changed. At first, you may grieve the change.

The critical question is, are you looking to embrace the challenge in the change; or, are you fighting to reclaim what was lost? If you are looking to reclaim what appears lost, you have positioned yourself to miss out on the opportunity to grow into the newness the storm is creating. Worse, you may get stuck in the world of what was instead of discovering, what is!

In every experience, good or bad, the opportunity to learn and grow is significant. The good experience lessons are often fun, enjoyable, and easy to celebrate. The difficult ones are scary, painful, terrifying.  They are also the ones which come at the greatest cost while providing the best lessons.

As you struggle with difficult, challenging adversity in your life, such as the addiction and substance abuse in your family:

  • Trust in your ability to weather the storm. While you have never been through something this difficult before, you have experienced previous struggles and you maneuvered through them. This may be bigger, more difficult; but, the process is no different. You will get through it.
  • Look for guidance and direction from those who you can trust with your journey. This was the breakthrough step for me. I worked hard at trying to find my way, on my own. Once I gave it to God, trusted Him with me and this mess, and found others I could honestly share my struggles with, my perspective and responses completely changed. I learned to embrace the journey in a more profound way because I knew I was not alone and I had a great support team working with me.
  • Embrace the growth opportunities which present itself. Be willing to work on developing you and embracing the transformational opportunities before you. These struggles provide incredible personal development opportunities, lean into them. This is not to say there is something “wrong” with you; but, the growth lesson only comes when you put yourself in a position to challenge the way you have always done things, examine how you can live and do them differently, understand why, and commit to the change.
  • Celebrate progress. In every storm, there is accomplishment and progress. As you take care of yourself, as you grow into the chaos of this experience, as you find a community who loves and cares for you, there are moments to pause and celebrate where you are and how far you have come from where you were. Being fixated only on the objective of surviving the storm is exhausting. Give yourself continuous, little energy boosts by acknowledging every step forward as you move through the storm.

Tough times are never enjoyable. I often long for the lesson without the experience.  Yet, I realize this journey wouldn’t be what it was without the path I had to take to get there.

Yes, my story has changed. Yes, it is quite different than the one I had planned to share at the end of my days. It is also a much better story because there are many unplanned adventures in it.

Nobody ever enjoys reading a dull story of a safe or sheltered life.  The ones we love are the hero’s journey about navigating and growing in the most challenging of situations. You are in the middle of a difficult adventure which will eventually run its course. In the end, there will be a story to be shared. Make it a great one!

****

Want more insights from this blog?

Join me on the podcast “100Pedals Talk: Inside the Blog” as I delve deeper into this post and share personal stories or reflections behind the article. (Note: The podcast relating to any particular blog is released on Thursday of the same week this blog is posted.)

You can also subscribe to this podcast on I-Tunes here.

“Inside the Blog” podcast current episode: http://theaddictionconversation.libsyn.com/what-if-there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-bottom

I would love to hear from you.

What issues are confronting you today? Where are you currently experiencing fear and shame relating to the struggles in your life? I have some pretty cool tools to guide you and would love to help.  Please let me know if you need more: dave@100Pedals.com.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

What happens when a parent feels their child has fallen far enough? What happens when they think their child must have found their bottom? What if there is no such thing as a bottom? What happens when we rescue them because we have experienced enough?

All these questions considered and more as we explore, in depth, this week’s blog “The Myth of the Bottom.”

Check out this episode!

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 
100 Pedals by Dave Cooke - 5M ago

“I didn’t decide to go to recovery when I lost my job, lost my home, lost my kids, or went to jail and lost my freedom. I made a decision to go to recovery when I was sitting on a hill and realized I needed to do this for me.”

The “bottom” so often referenced in parent conversations is more legend and myth than anything. For many, the “bottom” is some event which occurs in a person’s life, causing them to finally decide or realize they need to change their life. Operating with this loose, buzzword definition, parents continually analyze each monumental event in their child’s addiction filled life as potentially being the one which becomes their child’s “bottom.” Overdose, severe illness, jail, prison, loss of children, homelessness, rape, a severe beating all are likely “bottoms” for a reasonable person. Except we need to remember that “reasonable” or “normal” would be likely be the last words one would use to describe the behaviors or the mindset of a person in active substance abuse.

As parents, we experience wide ranging and bizarre behaviors or outcomes with our addicted children. We watch for this monumental moment, disastrous event which enables us to swoop in to convince our child they can’t get any lower, encouraging them to declare it their bottom, and push for recovery. This may have appeared to work for some, though this is rarely and really not how it usually works.

If it was only this simple and this obvious. No one can predict or anticipate what event or situation becomes their call to action, their impetus for change and their commitment to recovery. Every story is unique, and every motivational event is personal.

There is a common thread to most of these incredible recovery stories…

“I knew I needed to do something.”

I share this to remind parents about the entire recovery process — it is not your journey, your wishes, your decision, your timing, or your program. Quit hovering, admonishing, challenging, telling, pushing, or engaging in your child’s recovery.  Choosing to detox and go to rehab is also part of the process; It is not your job to define their “bottom” or rescue them from it.

“I knew I needed to do this for me.”

We assign far too much responsibility for directing them into a recovery program, take way too much credit, and pin too much of our hopes on their outcomes when they finally decide to go. When it fails, as it sadly and often does, we are devastated because we had convinced ourselves they were ready. I know you were ready; but, how well did you really know if they were ready? Had they really experienced enough life in complete brokenness to follow through on their willingness to commit to embracing a new and different path?  Or, did you show up and rescue them from the streets and their chaos in such a timely manner they were willing to give it a try?

Commitment is a powerful word. Simply going to treatment because it sounded like a good idea, because I think I am ready, demonstrates about as much commitment as someone tackling a New Year’s Resolution. I will give it a go as long as it isn’t too hard, I can go where I want, and participate the way I want.

Commitment to recovery is a very personal and pivotal decision. It is not made by committee or popular vote. It is least successful when done to please or satisfy someone else’s desires or pleadings. It works when the person who walks into that treatment facility declares, “I am not living like this anymore” and doesn’t negotiate about how or when or where.  Their recovery begins “now” because they decided it had to.

If you are a parent or a loved one who is struggling to get someone to go to recovery, stop!  Instead,

  • Remind them how much you love them and trust your in your words as enough;
  • Make a commitment to them, when they are ready to embrace a different path for their life, you will be there to support them (not help them) and walk with them (not for them) on this new path;
  • Share all you know to be true about them, everything which make them a special gift to this world and you;
  • Avoid sharing your ideas, answers and solutions to their “problems” and love them from a place of complete and perfect love (without fear, judgement, criticism, or condemnation)
  • Listen to them, let them speak to you honestly and authentically about their journey and take the time to understand where they are, who they are and accept it as valid without attempting to change or redefine it for them.

At some point, they will examine the contrast in the life they love, the life they have lost and the life they are living. When they decide, if they decide, the life they are living is unacceptable to them, they will make the move toward recovery because it is what they want and are committed to.

****

Want more insights from this blog?

Join me on the podcast “100Pedals Talk: Inside the Blog” as I delve deeper into this post and share personal stories or reflections behind the article. (Note: The podcast relating to any particular blog is released on Thursday of the same week this blog is posted.)

You can also subscribe to this podcast on I-Tunes here.

Last week’s Inside the Blog podcast episode: http://theaddictionconversation.libsyn.com/when-everything-is-not-okay

I would love to hear from you.

What issues are confronting you today? Where are you currently experiencing fear and shame relating to the struggles in your life? I have some pretty cool tools to guide you and would love to help.  Please let me know if you need more: dave@100Pedals.com.

Read Full Article

Read for later

Articles marked as Favorite are saved for later viewing.
close
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Separate tags by commas
To access this feature, please upgrade your account.
Start your free month
Free Preview