Let's be frank for a second. We're all excited for the champagne and sparkles that is New Year's eve, but the day after, we're going to be left with a booze-induced headache, glitter in our hair, and thoughts on what the new year will bring.
2018 is the year that female social entrepreneurs should think and act with an abundance mindset, especially with impact to resolve to improve your self. Did we complete our resolutions from last year? Do you even remember what they were? I can say that I completely forgot mine lol. Some of the average new year resolutions for our typical Nigerian women are:- The struggle to join the gym and keep fit, for others is to save money, while we have those determined to give their life to Christ, however we also have the ones that keep saying " I am going to stop being a runs girl this year" ...and few others with the aim of starting a family and finding their spouse.
You here some of my family and friends saying things like "I just want to do better by myself, be more outspoken, meet more persons, more contact and be productive". Well personally for me the writer, I'm glad I have experienced another 365 days of unlimited joy, favor and laughter. it can only be my creator, I have gotten another chance to stand out and be better than I was a year ago.
What is your new resolution as an individual and how far have you come to achieving it?
After The Glitz and Glamour- Now What? -by Ruth Bala Victor
Honeymoon is over, the thank you visitations are over, wedding photos now hung on your walls, and wedding presents now unveiled. You have been married for a few months now and it feels just like yesterday when you asked and she said yes; now its time to face reality- she is a nag like other women, she can be lazy at some point, she might also be sensitive and wants to know everything! On the other hand, she is having to face the reality that all men including her 'night in shining amour' snore, you forgot to bring breakfast in bed for her, you forgot to flush after using the toilet. Suddenly, family bombarding you with questions on getting pregnant-then comes pregnancy scares. What about a baby on the way?- Financial investment sets In-and emotional stress- whose family do we spend Christmas with?
The few years in your marriage are the best time to learn how to settle problems and handle disappointments in your marriage. It helps you adjust to this seemingly crazy new phase of your lives. The need to adjust during this time cannot be overemphasized; it helps in the later time in your marriage. When you start right, you do not have to bother about the later time in your marriage. To help adjust to this new phase of your lives, here are some tips to guide you in your journey.
What is the financial budget? What are your long-term goals? Any plans for kids? This is one problem you do not want to have to bother about. Whether or not we like it, money is a big issue in marriages. It is either groceries, baby food, wife's cosmetics or even extended families' needs. To save yourselves from financial stress and the arguments it would cause you and your spouse, you would have to draw out a monthly budget depending on your level of income, and try not to exceed the budget you have drawn out.
For the first few years of your marriage, you might want to have a mentoring couple- couples you look up to and aspire to be like. These couple should have had at least 10 years of marriage experience. We begin to act like the people we hang out therefore, hanging out with them more often can help build your marriage. These couple should be able to give you advice on marriage and put you on the tight path.
Aside creating time to spend with your spouse, you and your partner should pick out a day of the week and a specific time that you both u have mapped out simply to hang out together. It could be a recreational activity; just something that you don't do on a regular basis- it could be movies, romantic dinner, grocery shopping, and the like. Something that gets you hyped. This is to kick away boredom because boredom is one way to problems in your marriage. This activity is to keep you both committed to something and to make you anticipate the next time you spend together.
Friends, work and in-laws are three things that can pose as hindrances to a happy marriage. Yes you can't throw away your friends because you are now married, yes you can't neglect your work because it earns you a living, yes you can't ignore family because they were your first loves; but neither do you want to lose your marriage. They might all love you but let's face it some of them just want to be controlling. Not all of them would work toward building your marriage as much as you will. You need to prioritize. Spouse's happiness first then everything comes second.
The need to communicate in your marriage is of utmost importance. You have to communicate. Don't assume all you need to know. Ask questions. Some of us only talk when we are being asked. Which is your partner? Does he or she like talking about everything without being asked? Or do they talk only when asked? Whether or not they talk when asked or not, ask! If I always talk without being asked, it is tiring. You obviously do not care as such so therein, I would rather keep my thoughts and problems to myself- once young couples start filtering words and keeping thoughts to themselves, trouble sets in. Learn to communicate even in your deepest silence- some couples communicate so well that they do not have to talk but the other understands what he or she is saying.
One thing all faiths preach is putting God first. How spiritual are you? if not so spiritual, can your marriage be a reason for you to get closer to God? You should consider it. Whether or not we acknowledge it, God supersites everything. For a happy marriage, put God at the center of your relationship with watch how everything falls into order. Committing even the little things to God is the magic way out. If you ask most married people what the secret of their marriage is, the answer is usually a host of other things and God. Involving God from the first step of your marriage is am assurance that even at your lowest moments and the times you feel like giving up, a saving grace is coming your way.
Financial freedom, mentoring couples, time together, prioritizing, communicating and involving God in your marriage, are some of the major 'keys' to a successful marriage. Every other key is second to them all.
First Step to Get What You Want - Admit You Want It.
Today's article covers the very first step of getting what you want — admitting you want it. While this may seem obvious, many people do not get what they want because they do not acknowledge their desires. These people are also the deniers.
For example, in the area of career, there are so many people who have dreams they want to pursue — be it setting up their restaurant, being a baker, being a manga artist, or creating music. However, deniers stifle themselves by staying in a career they dislike. They give reasons like the job is "not bad," that it fulfills their needs, and that they're quite content with life, when deep down they wish for something more.
In the area of relationships, there are singles who wish to be in a relationship, but deny it. Some are too proud to acknowledge that they do want to be with someone. Some are afraid that it will make them look desperate (it doesn't). For those who are attached, there are some who have lost their feelings for their partner but remain in the relationship. Fearful that they may not find someone, they refuse to acknowledge that the relationship has fizzled out, and the love is dead.
When you do not acknowledge what you want, you cannot get what you want. This denial applies to all life areas — be it one's relationship with their family, social relationships, weight, health, wealth, or other goals. They have their desires, they have their wants, but rather than be honest with themselves about these goals, they coax themselves into thinking that they're okay with not having them.
This is of course not okay. When you do not admit that you want your goal, there's no way to get it. Imagine you're at Point A. Point B is where you want to be. If you keep thinking that Point A is your desired point, how can you move to Point B? What happens is that you will live under the illusion that you are where you want to be. As long as you're under this illusion, you will not get to your ideal scenario at Point B.
How to Tell If You're Denying Your Desires
So how do you tell if you are denying your higher desires? If you often feel dissatisfied or unhappy about a life area, after which you tell yourself "It's okay" or "I'm happy with it the way it is," that's a strong sign that you're denying yourself. When you do this long enough, you will start to experience mood swings, prolonged periods of unhappiness, or even depression.
How often do these feelings come about? Maybe once a day, a week, or a month, depending on how often you are exposed to situations that jolt you out of your illusion. For chronic deniers who are very skillful at repressing their feelings, such feelings may only appear once every few months, every few years, to almost never.
But in the times when these feelings do emerge, it's undeniable. Self-deniers may feel lousy for the day, then cover it up by immersing themselves in work, watching TV, playing games, partying,eating, or just sleeping it away. For some, the feeling can be so deep that it sinks them into a depressive state.
Does the problem disappear though? No, it doesn't. This void is always there. And it will not stop until you act on the problem — that you are denying yourself of your true desires.
Understanding What Acceptance Really Means
Many people use "acceptance" as an excuse to explain away their fear. That's a falsehood though.
What acceptance really means is to accept that the reality before you is the reality. That's all. Acceptance doesn't mean accepting something you don't want as what you want. That's not accepting — that's denying. When you pretend to be okay with a reality that's not your ideal, you're just creating an illusion. An illusion that prevents you from moving toward your ideal life.
If you're a disgruntled employee who wants to pursue your passion, admit it.If you're a single who desires to be in a relationship with your special someone, embrace that desire.If you have some extra weight and you want to be in good shape, acknowledge it.If you wish to improve your relationship with your family, align yourself with your desires.If you wish to have a partner who respects and loves you, come to terms with this feeling.
While you may want to lie about your desires to protect yourself, realize that these lies are due to fear. Fear of not getting what you want. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of being torn apart. Fear that you're incapable. Fear of being hurt.
It's perfectly okay to be fearful. Whatever the fear is, feel it, then face it anyway.
Because only by doing so can you hope to achieve your ideal life. As they say, the truth will set you free. And it will. If you pretend that you're okay with the status quo, you will never achieve your ideal goals. If anything, that's the one sure way NOT to live your dream life.
What Do You Really Want? Acknowledge It
If you think about your life now, is there any area where you're not being fully honest with yourself? Some questions to ask:
What is your ideal life?What are your biggest goals and dreams?What is your ideal career?What is your ideal level of wealth?What is your ideal home?What is your ideal weight and fitness level?What is your ideal family?What is your ideal relationship?How about other areas of your life? What are your ideal visions for them?
For all these areas, are you living your ideal vision?
If not, start first by admitting your true desires. Don't lie to yourself and pretend that you're okay with everything. You'll never get your goals that way. Only by being fully honest with yourself, can you then work on bringing your goals to life. While the road may not be easy, admitting your true desires will set you on your path to your goals.
Hello Darling! she answered the call, Yes babe, see you in 20 minutes Mr Alex. I love you too baby, she ended.
Daisy was a lady in her late 20's, who was about to tie the knot with the man of her dreams, Alexander!
She was a woman who had an adventurous life that brought some regrets to this day, she found Alex in the middle of her youthful exuberance and he(Alex) was struck by Daisy's beauty, intelligence, features and her jovial nature to the world. The day Alex met daisy he told her how he intends to make her his bride, she laughed it off, but to this day he kept his word. She made sure she told Alex everything about her past life but kept the very biggest secret that keeps tearing her apart.
Today she is getting married to Alex. During the course of their relationship daisy grew fond of Alex and fell helplessly in love with him, she prayed to God everyday about him and thank God for his life, during those times daisy was torn between telling Alex this one secret of her life that she kept from the world and also afraid of losing the one man that she has ever loved sincerely in her lifetime. To this day daisy's conscious kept speaking through, she was in between telling him the truth or taking it to her grave for the rest of her life. Will he ever find out?
You know what they say about life and honesty " the truth will always come out, you might as well save yourself the energy and just be honest from the start. Daisy was in a dilemma between ignoring the odds and enjoying the moment right in front of her that she gladly looks forward to having.
She stroll down the aisle, with her Dad right next to her, gladly taking her hands and putting it into her new family. Alex began his vow....
Dear Daisy On this day A new adventure begins. I want you to know That I will stand by you, As your partner Your soulmate Your family And your number one super fan I look forward to laughing with you, Crying with you, Comforting you, And being comforted by you, Inspiring you, And being inspired by you, I will always cheer you on As you follow your dreams. And I will let you help me achieve mine. Let us grow together In mind and spirit And stand together To face whatever life throws at us In sickness In health In wealth In brokenness (he laughs) I will cherish you. I look at you and I know you were meant for me, I bless the day you cross my path I bless Mama for bringing such a beautiful soul to lighten up my life I will love you without your make up on With your hair undone With your morning face, because only I see right through the beauty. I see you've scar, but all I see is a strong woman who made it through. I love you my darling Daisy and nothing in the world will change how I feel about you. So on this day before our God, family and well wishers, I hope with my entire heart, you agree to be the mother to our unborn kids.
Alex ended on that note, at this point, tears rolling down Daisy's face, her make up was ruined and she wept bitterly, she was given the mic for her own part of the vow, daisy began...
Before God, our guests and our families present today, I have something I need to tell you Alex.........
(What Could Be Daisy's Darkest Secret) #FictionalStory #Learner #Writer #SuspenseIsTheAim #Daisy'Stale #Blogger #Letswritetogther #Letscommenttogther
Loving oneself doesn't entail that one is selfish, it just states that no one loves Nigeria better than Nigerians. Some times I sit in my room either blogging, watching my favorite TV programme, googling, trying new things on my web page, getting inspired by the social networking lifestyle, listening to music, reading number of books by my bed side or maybe eating- is always kitchen to bedroom for me, it works just fine LOL... During those times, my Dad knocks in to ask "Ozi are you okay? You haven't stepped out since morning, I find it horrifying that you choose to sit inside your room for the whole day". Most times I laugh when he ask these questions, I understand that my dad cares about my well being or he needs to be sure I'm not encountering depression lol (we can't always wave that away). For me settling indoors works just perfectly, I wouldn't however label it as "settling in my comfort zone" my comfort zone mostly looks like hanging out with family, friends, new people or sitting indoor with a loved one and doing absolutely nothing but talking for most of the time. I choose to do all that for my comfort moments. I love myself more than my dad does because for him, spending the whole day inside seems like an absurd thing to do, because for him that's something he will never do, he however doesn't know I probably overwork myself just sitting in there all by myself. In many peoples mind, the idea of self love is all wrong. Aren't we supposed to focus on others? To love others? Why do we have to think of our self first and not communicate with the outside world? But they however don't know that if you don't learn to communicate within yourself, is never fine communicating with the outside world. Ideally if you don't match your own standard, you can't be able to love another, let's refocus on relationship with the opposite sex(our partners), if you can't be able to love yourself, you would never know when you're being loved less. Self love isn't selfishness, it is the ability to strengthen and empower yourself. The ability to give yourself more capacity, you actually have more to offer. And on top of that all- you enjoy your relationship with family, your partner, colleagues, siblings and the outside world. Have you been in the habit of being down on yourself, beating yourself up for being a failure, it can feel hard to give up these negative patterns. This is partly because they are just so familiar. Maybe you were raised to think like this or learned it later from people around you. And now they're part of 'who you are' and it's hard to imagine how to be different. All these are only barriers that clouds our judgment, when you begin to release yourself from self pity and pain, you will start to realize your self worth. Loving yourself only feels like..... * You begin to stop feeling like you're at war with yourself all the time. * You start getting to know yourself much more deeply than before. * You begin to take a more balanced an fair approach to any mistakes, faults or failings while still aiming to do your best. * You find out that you now tend to get on better with others. * You begin to experience what your self worth feels like. Because sweetheart loving yourself never feels wrong, don't let anyone tell you otherwise because at the end of the day- You Only Have Yourself.
Now can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Life AdviceFrom An 80-Year Old Man 1. Have a firm handshake 2. Look people in the eye 3. Sing in the shower 4. Own a great stereo system 5. If in a fight. Hit first. Hit hard 6. Keep secrets 7. Never give up on anybody, miracles happen everyday 8. Always accept an outstretched hand 9. Be brave, Even if you're not, pretend to be, no one can tell the difference 10. Whistle 11. Avoid sarcastic remarks 12. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery 13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out 14. Lend only those books you never care to see again 15. Never deprive someone of hope. It might be all that they have 16. When playing games with children, let them win 17. Give people a second chance but not a third 18. Be romantic 19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know 20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems 21. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments, it's there for our convenience, not the callers 22. Be a good loser 23. Be a good winner 24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret 25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go 26. Be modest. A lot was accomplish before you were born 27. Be simple 28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose 29. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river 30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regret 31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life. you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did 32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them 33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you 34. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you 35. Visit friends and relations when they are in a hospital, you need only few minutes to stay in with them 36. Begin each day with some of your favorite music 37. Once in a while, take the scenic route 38. Send a lot of valentine cards. Sign them- "Someone who thinks you're terrific" 39. Answer the phone with energy and enthusiasm in your voice 40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bedside table. Million ideas sometimes strike at 3am 41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job 42. Send your loved ones flower. Think of a reason later 43. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you 44. Become someone's hero 45. Marry only for love 46. Count your blessings 47. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home 48. Wave at the children in a school bus 49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people 50. Don't expect life to be fair
For most youths today depression is taking a toil on us, you sit in there and believe you have become useless to yourself, the human nature and the society, depression comes in so many ways, it has no explanation to how it starts off or happen, it just takes you from somewhere and before you know it, you're missing your essence to this life. However, whenever you start feeling the need of being conformed to a certain atmosphere or certain way, always feel the need to talk to someone, anyone you trust, one who your hearts align too. What worries you? What's your addiction? What takes your mind off? What are you becoming settled with? It will surprise us to know that what we love the most tends to do more harm than good to us. A friend decided to share this with us...... #BeInspired
I woke up each morning and wish I was dead, life had no meaning to me, no value, like a dead leaf. Why was I still living? What was left for me? I walk around with a mask called a smile and no one knew what I felt inside. I lost all hope and love for life, my life was a farce, I became a shadow of my self, the fun and playful side of me was gone, those who I thought were my friends were no where to be found, I lost the love of my life, I lost 30 months of my life just lying in bed soaked in self pity and regret, I cried in my sleep, my level of confidence dropped and people took advantage of me, I could see the look of pain and sorry everyday in the eyes of my mum, I couldn't be there for my family, I thought about my future kids seeing their dad as a vegetable, I lost touch with my real friends, it felt like being tied to a tree and no one to help untie you, I became repulsive and suicidal, I lost my faith and relationship with God and my pastor, my life lost all meaning all because of drug abuse.... Yet I didn't give up! One day I stood up and said I was going to fight this, I stayed off drugs, started going to the gym more often, started going to church and going out more, I began eating more healthy and stayed off anything drug related, I told myself "You only have yourself at the end of it all, if you can't find a way to help yourself, no one will do it for you" gradually I came back to the person I believed in, My self confidence was back, my love for God and life was back. I was there for my family again, It was a rebirth, now I have better friends and better goals in life, I have vowed to advocate for other people who are also going through depression to tell them it's not over yet. If I can do it then you can do it too! Henry Femi Ojo.....
How spacious is your comfort zone? Are you weak inside? Frightened about taking that decision? Are you thinking about starting something new, doing something different, but afraid to take the first steps because there's just too many unknowns and what if it all goes wrong? Do you look at the edges of your comfort zone and tell yourself.. Why is it so small?
Such feelings are more common than you may think, of course, safety and security are fundamental needs for all of us and much of our lives are geared into arranging things so that we can reliably predict our next circumstances and prepare how to deal with it. Do you revolve around those circle of person's that create habits and routines, whereas find themselves doing that same thing and sticking to them religiously.
What do I mean by comfort zone? Don't we all love the zest of life that happens in young children, doing the unpredictable, curious about everything, always want to try new things, ready to explore. The whole world is new to them. Yet all so soon, it seems the pattern of "clinging to the familiar" begins to show.
We quickly learn what is "safe" adapting to the new rule, sticking to the familiar pattern, embracing and making our lives easier for us, we build up a 'comfort zone' we can sum up as 'what we know and can rely on'. This can be geographic (your house, your neighbour, your town) behavioural (what you eat, how you sleep, how you dress) socially (the people you hang out with, the places you visit, your family, your community) work related (your job, your colleague) Ideological (religion, political mindset).
There's nothing wrong with having a comfort zone - everybody needs one! your comfort zone is a guideline to help you plan ahead, to know where you intend to go and how you intend to finish up, your future, your routine without interruption. We all need that sense of security, safety and belonging. However, have we ever took a moment and ask what could be behind that door of our comfort zone, probably I will have to label it as 'discomfort zone" but it doesn't neccessarily appear that way. There's this saying "everything we ever wanted is on the other side of our deepest fears".
Critically I'm going to put myself on the line as a very good example, you see I just started this blog and I have no idea whatsoever I'm doing, BUT! I have this sense of relish that I feel, because within me honestly is already starting to feel like I'm leaving my comfort zone, because it feels like I'm starting to overwork myself, waking up most of the time at night, checking my mails, doing more research work than the usual, I use to write for a few hours in a day, now is taking most of my time, checking all my pages, following the trend, fighting with mum over my new phone addiction (this is the interesting part), less phone calls, having little time for my sleep and movies, less interest for food, you see all that seems like I'm been force to suffer over something I single handedly picked- at some point leaving your comfort zone starts to feel like that, doing the extraordinary but finding solace in it. Not forgetting my fears I'm scared my blog might fail me, I'm scared no one will ever visit here or even like any of my post, I'm scared I'm probably not making sense and feeling like I'm just wasting my time, I know I have competition, people way better, but you see that is the whole thing, you haven't seen it until you start it. I knew I have passion for writing, relating, socializing, interacting and being expressive, but I was scared because we have so many writers out there and people with a lot of visional purposes for their blog's. But the whole essence is- there's always YOU then OTHER'S, do you aspire to write, do you aspire to sing, dance, draw, be felt, be seen, do you aspire to open your own blog, do you aspire to do whatever you have in mind, You need to start somewhere, there's always someone smarter, and one who is good at what he/she does but so are you, if you don't start, you will never know. Bring yourself out of your comfort zone, leave your daily routine, do something different, try something you're not consistent with, what are you scared of trying- do it.
Your comfort zone can be harmful- how? Your comfort zone tends to be harmful when your daily routine starts to make you feel like a prisoner. When your natural human desire (which have been there for a long time) can't reach out to new things and something out of the ordinary, doing something different for your benefit starts feeling like a handful of work, pressure and entitlement. When you begin to wonder if these safe routine's are really delivering you the good life you used to dream of.
You don't have to destroy your comfort zone, all you've to do is expand it. Some people address this challenge by knocking down their comfort zone or jumping right out of it- that is a dangerous move to take. It's clear that a 'comfort zone' is a mental construct and that changing it requires a change of mindset. From the heart of your heart what do you derive, what are your expectations about life, how do you want to be remembered, do you really love what you do. We can't always find answers to all that because we are not the authors of our live but we are however given the mind to think and do what is right. - The needful. When you start to think outside the box, you can stretch your comfort zone to try new things. Expanding your comfort zone allows you to let your unconscious mind find the right way for you- which it can do more effectively than all your conscious fretting. You will discover how to let yourself relax really deeply an release your own inner creativity and spirit of adventure. It will begin to feel completely natural again to let your mind bring new ideas and set your reasoning towards the unexpected and make you enjoy them.
All men this.. All women that.... There are billions of people in this world and it's unfortunate that some truly believe that an entire gender behaves the same when it comes to the worst. I see people waiting for a love they believe doesn't exist, and if by the grace of God it arrives they are not prepared. They didn't believe. They didn't build. If you think this world is going to bow down because it's you- you are mistaken If I blamed an entire gender because of the actions of a few you wouldn't have a post to read. Everyone in the world isn't screwed up maybe just some of the ones we touched. @writehiswrongs
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