UK Dating blog dedicated to a diary of my crazy adventures and experiences while online dating as a man in our fantastic capital city London. This diary is based on real life experiences of my internet dates in our much beloved capital London.
So 2018 has drawn to a close, I’m still single…. But with a New Year comes a new start.
Having welcomed in the New Year I thought it would be great to look back at 2018 and think about which dating event stood out from the crowd.
It’s no secret that I’m a fan of the Inner Circle events, but the Inner Circle Polo event last August at Ham Polo Club was particularly special. So much was going on at the event I will do my best to relay as much as I can.
This is the summer event everyone looked forward to. On the lead up, it was the one everyone was talking about. Even at the Blue Door Inner Circle party, singles were already making contacts and forming groups to meet up again at the Polo.
The format was pretty relaxed, people arrived gradually over the afternoon, sipping bubbly and Pimms. Food was available, a delectable buffet for those who needed to line their stomachs for the evening of partying ahead. The Polo matches lasted a couple of hours ending with a final presentation to the winning teams, who then just got stuck into joining the party themselves.
The upper deck hosted cocktail making classes, an opportunity to sample premium drinks mixed by your very own hands under the instruction of a cocktail expert.
Following the matches, the music started. Set up outside on the veranda a DJ started rolling out the tunes, then out of nowhere a Violinist, Pianist and Saxophonist joined in taking it to a whole new level.
So what made the Inner Circle Polo Event Number 1 on my list for the year?
Polo in itself is pretty amazing to watch, the thunder of the horses hooves as they gallop up and down the field. I can barely ride a horse, let alone swing a long mallet with a fist sized head at the end to hit a ball no bigger than a cricket ball through some posts.
Much like the races, Ascot and Henley, Polo draws a crowd because of the atmosphere. It’s a rare opportunity to get dressed up, sip champagne, kick back and watch the event while having a great time.
What really made this special for me was the opportunity to meet the Inner Circle Team. Such a genuine and lovely group of people. David their CEO was mingling with everyone (I don’t think many knew who he was) he didn’t make a point of saying, just asked everyone if they were having a great time.
I will pause here for a moment to thank some of the Inner Circle Team, David, Oceane and Aron for being great hosts. Looking forward to seeing you all again hopefully this year.
Weather that day was a little rainy, as the clouds rolled in everyone moved inside the venue. Not a bad thing as up until this point people were spread all over the club making it a bit challenging to get talking to new groups.
The party didn’t stop at the Polo Club though, already lined up at the infamous Blue Door was an after party for those who wanted to continue into the night.
Everything had been thought about by Oceane, the event magician extraordinaire. Even little bottles of sunscreen were handed out on the gate just in case.
This event was like no other and id urge you to sign up early as tickets sell out fast. If you haven’t joined Inner Circle yet, jump on in as you may have to wait a little while for approval. Better yet, if you know a member, ask them to recommend you into the site.
Were you at the Polo Event? Or have you been to any of the other Inner Circle events throughout the year? Let me know what you thought by leaving me a comment below.
You know when you just have one of those days at work, when nothing seems to go right? This was one of those days….
Recently dating had taken a bit of a back seat. Since my mum being ill and the rather unsympathetic reactions of my dates at that time, I thought best to have some time out. Spare time is so thin on the ground right now I barely have time to stop and eat a decent meal, all I think about is face planting on my bed at the end of a long day.
In the spare few milliseconds throughout the day I’d take the odd glance at the usual dating apps. Ohh… and by the way Tinder randomly seemed to ban me from the app. Maybe those lovely ladies that took a disliking to me prioritising my family had reported their dissatisfaction to Tinder? Who knows, there certainly wasn’t any D$ck pic scenarios, not from me anyway. Well at least it’s one less app to check, but to be honest it was one of my favourites as it cut through the churn that you usually have to go through on the websites.
Having checked out the profile of “S” we had quite a bit in common, so struck up a conversation and we got chatting. Messages flowed and the odd chat on the phone, things were looking very positive. We scheduled one date, she cancelled the day before due to work commitments. “S” was very apologetic and said she didn’t want to give the wrong impression. It was OK, I’d been having the same challenges with work so could sympathise.
So then came my working day from hell, train journeys out to head office, getting stuck in meetings longer than I’d thought, escalations, you know the kind of day? I finally pull myself away from work and head to the station to get back to London. Glancing up at the train times board, CANCELLED, DELAYED, CANCELLED. I ask the station staff what’s going on. “Oh one train hit a bird and the other… well it’s just broken down…”
OHHHHHH COMMMMEEEE ONNNNN!!!!
I get straight on my phone and text “S” and apologise that I maybe late. We hadn’t fixed a meeting place yet so I ask where would be a convenient location for her. Victoria or London Bridge being the best options. Well I’m stuffed if I have to go to London Bridge as that’s the other side of town from where my train comes in so I opt for Victoria and suggest a large bar I’d dated at before and it seemed OK. The bar wasn’t grimy and was quite open plan with plenty of seating so you can get some privacy. For a first date drink, perfect I thought.
I’m finally on the tube and get a text from “S”
This bar is really busy. Meet me outside
Oh sh$t it’s Thursday night in the middle of Victoria, I hadn’t thought about this. Everyone was out for post work drinks.
Arriving at the bar I don’t see her so walk straight in to see if I can find any seats, sure enough the bar is rammed with office workers. Busy but not impossible I thought so text “S” to say I’ve arrived and I’m outside.
So am I
OK this isn’t a great start. I look around the doorway, hmm there’s a group of guys and a very small (below 5ft) lady stood there. Christ, I hope that’s not her…. It would be like a replay of Twins with Arnie and Danny Devito. I know I’ll try to call her, then if she picks up, I’ll know if its her or not. No signal on my phone, the masses in Victoria seem to be too much for the network. I just need a hug at this point, maybe the bouncer wouldn’t mind, probably not a good idea if I want to get into the venue.
The hunt continues, texting back and forth. “I’m outside by the sign” “I’m inside by the door” etc etc.
We resort to taking photos of our location trying to match each other’s up. FINALLY, she’s been at another entrance to me the whole time….
I greet her with the usual double cheek kiss and apologise for being late and the rather crazy search.
Impressive hunting skills
Well a sports bar wasn’t the best of choices for a first date
Oh… this isn’t a good start. She’s clearly not happy with my venue choice, but I think nothing more of it and we find another wine bar just around the corner for the remainder of the date.
I’m pretty brain dead by this point, not at my usual best, struggling to flow the conversation. Every time I send a signal to my brain for the next line of conversation it just draws a blank. Commenting on the rather crazy day I’ve had but didn’t want to cancel, we have a few glasses of wine and head home.
Well…. Not the best day or date I think to myself. I wonder if she thinks the same, hopefully she’ll take my crazy day into account and know I wasn’t at my best.
Turning to my Twitter community for advice, as at this stage, I really didn’t have the brain power to make the decision. Should I contact her the next day and apologise for a rather poor first date and offer a re-run when I’m better prepared?
The general consensus was that I should be honest and just explain. Then offer to be more on the ball on date two. It wasn’t a car crash, I just wasn’t at my best.
I drop her a text promising a less crowded venue and a more awake James for date two as I did enjoy meeting her and well…. did really fancy her.
Her reply after quite a few hours having read the message.
Sorry I don’t want to go on another date. A Sports Bar really isn’t a good choice of venue for a first date…
Maybe I should have just cancelled and run the risk that she may have not agreed to meet at all. But who knows. I don’t like to try and reason with people’s choices, as ultimately you will never work out why they make the decisions they do.
Have you ever had a mad day and gone straight into a date wishing you didn’t? Leave me a comment below, i’d love to hear your stories.
If you’re already a privileged member of The Inner Circle then I hope you made this event however if not, and you like what you read in this review you should sign up. Inner Circle events are some of the hottest in town (no I don’t mean the current 30c weather).
Swiftly after joining The Inner Circle I grabbed a ticket with both hands as they sell out FAST!!! Surprisingly the ladies always sell out first, so guys, if you are looking for a great place to meet some amazing people these parties are not to be missed.
The small description of the party was a little teaser, some photos from last year and a mention of the infamous Michael (Jukebox) Moore. More about him later. (No pun intended).
The night of the party I climbed into a smart suit and jumped on the tube, the party seemed to be pretty relaxed but wanted to make a good impression. I had no idea what to expect, only that I knew the Inner Circle crowd are a cut above the rest, carefully selected by their team to join.
Luckily the venue wasn’t far from the tube as Fulham isn’t my usual neck of the woods. The Blue Door venue has a very discrete entrance on the main road, the only give away being a polite and well-dressed greeter stood outside.
Taking a deep breath I headed in, met by a lovely smile from the host who checked off my name and handed me a Lego brick…
What’s this for?
Ohh, that’s for your first drink at the bar…
Hmm interesting, I was kind of hoping for a Lego build off, but a drink at this point was much more appealing.
To set the scene, the venue is like walking into someone’s house party but with two bars. One in the kitchen serving up smoothies and cocktails and the other in the main lounge providing your main drink needs. Wow, if I had a house, it would be like this I thought to myself. A separate lounge was kitted out as a games room with pool table, board games and Super Nintendo. All I could think of in that moment was Golden Eye. But come on James, this is a dating event.
It was already bustling with people, a pretty even mix of men and women. Ironically I bump into a guy as he walks in and we start chatting. Fancy a wingman? Sure, let’s get a drink in with our Lego bricks….. Going to events on your own can be quite daunting, but I felt at home here. There was no pressure to approach people and with my wingman by my side we felt comfortable approaching the groups of ladies that had formed introducing ourselves.
Michael the Jukebox Moore was on fire, tunes rolling off the keyboard as requests flooded in via post-it notes. How does he know all these songs? The guy was a legend.
Age wise there was an even spread of members from late 20s to possibly 40s, hard to tell… Not the best at judging ages, but no one looked out of place.
The games room was busy once ladies and gents had broken the ice, pool and Mario Kart competitions in full flow. Everyone was talking, a few sat at the perimeter on the lavish arm chairs in the lounge, maybe having a break and taking in the atmosphere.
I really enjoyed myself at this event, spoke to some great people, men and women. It didn’t really seem to matter that both guys and ladies were forming their own social groups, there wasn’t any pressure to approach a lady, only when it seemed natural.
Speed dating and other awkward singles events are a thing of the past, with The Inner Circle Polo event just around the corner I get the feeling the dating dial is about to be turned up.
It’s quite common to talk about the potential lack of chivalry since dating apps have taken over. Dating is so much faster and more accessible, but I wasn’t expecting other qualities I find so important to be on the decline as well. I look for empathy, compassion and generosity as some basic qualities in people when I date.
A couple of years ago, soon after my father passed away I wrote a post as I reflected on my life at the time Link Here “Reflection”.
2 years on I find myself rushing off to another family emergency as my mother is taken unexpectedly into hospital, where she stayed for 6 weeks. Thankfully she’s now stable and back home to begin her recovery. I won’t go into what happened there, but the reason for this post are the reactions of people around me during this difficult time.
Just before mum was taken ill, I was happily dating, there were about 2-3 ladies that I’d met and had around 3 or 4 dates with over a period of time.
They were all going pretty well, we enjoyed each other’s company and the fact that we’d had around 4 dates was promising. For the sake of anonymity I will all them “P” she was from Portugal, “A” American and “S” Swedish. One of the reasons I love London is the mixture of cultures. However this obviously didn’t affect how things worked out when the emergency struck.
When my mum was taken ill it was just after I’d come back from a meditation retreat where no phones were allowed (no signal anyway if you wanted to it was so remote). An amazing time, but on my return I get a call from my brother. Mums been rushed into intensive care.
Obviously at this point all focus in my life was directed towards hospital and family communication. Any other communications with friends, social and other plans were immediately dropped as the emergency unfolded.
When I was able I would text or meet P, A and S just to explain what was happening, apologise for my lack in communication and also obviously further dates, but assured them things would be back to normal as soon as mum was better. I didn’t expect her recovery to last 6 weeks, but nevertheless I did my best to keep them posted so they didn’t think I was being rude.
This was the response I got from these dates during this time.
Don’t use your mum as an excuse for bad communication
Ohh my god I nearly lost my Sh$t…
Your lack communication has broken my trust in you so I’m walking away
Who I was the closest with, we’d had some great dates and she out of everyone was kept up to date with what was happening. Texted while I was away on holiday, after mum was out of Intensive Care, I just had to get away. She basically just started to cut communication then finally….
I don’t feel we are connecting on the level I’d expect at this point, so don’t wish to continue seeing you
Not only on text, but while I was on holiday, I mean cooooommmmeeee oooonnnnn!!!
I’ve never had such outcomes en masse while dating, so clearly the fact that I was absent both in person and communication due to focusing on the family, must have been the root cause of all these coming to a very swift end within a very short space of time.
Lady A actually said
Is your mum likely to be going back into hospital again?
To which I replied
Yes I think so for a minor operation in a month or so…
That’s when she walked away as she deemed that too much of an inconvenience to her.
So back to the point of this post. Where has people’s understanding, compassion and empathy gone? Is that how they would want to be treated should their last remaining parent be taken ill?
Is this possibly just a city thing where people are so pressured that all feelings and understanding fall by the wayside as soon as they are inconvenienced by others? They walk away rather than rally around to help?
It’s certainly not what I expected from these dates, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that I didn’t go any further with these ladies.
What do you think? Have you ever experienced this happening when you had to deal with something in your life and your dates just seemed to ditch and run? Please leave your thoughts below.
LoveStruck events were one of the best social single evenings in London, three years on…. Ohh dear, what’s happened?
I messaged my wingman and suggested we went back to LoveStruck @ Patch Bar to re-live some of the amazing nights that I’d had there.
When we arrived, it was quite quiet, around 6pm so not unusual so got some drinks in and grabbed a table. My wing man was on form and approached the nearest table of ladies for a chat. We noticed that one of them had grabbed a red straw (the “im single” sign). I commented on it and she looked at me confused….
You not here for the singles night? I say.
No… What singles night? She replies.
Uh Oh. I take my wing man to the side. I wonder how many people in here are actually here for the event?
I spot a single guy looking a bit sheepish and go and ask him if he’s here for the event. He was, but added that he’d discovered all the people around the sides of the room on tables were corporate bookings. Ok, so hang on… how many people does that leave in the room that are actually here for the event? By this time it was about 8pm when the party would usually be in full swing.
We counted about 10 at most people who we could definitely say had actually turned up for the LoveStruck event rather than just wandered in.
It’s a big shame LoveStruck, not sure what’s happened to your awesome events. From a customer point of view you are best cancelling them if the venue is full of unwitting members of the public who don’t know they are sitting in the middle of an advertised singles night…
Ok… right off the bat, this is a hard one to explain simply. Is it a dating site? Is it a social network? Is it a members club?
Hang on tight, this is one of the most comprehensive reviews I’ve written. I feel opening the door on this exclusive service has been an experience matched by no other, yet…..
To quote a paragraph from their FAQs :
“The Inner Circle is an exclusive community of inspiring singles around the world. We believe that meeting up with other like-minded, single people should be simple and fun. The Inner Circle helps create great opportunities for members to interact online, through the app and meet up at exclusive events that we host around the world.
The Inner Circle maintains its vibrant network of like-minded individuals through a thorough screening process upon registration. This ensures that eligible singles with similar lifestyles can meet each other in a friendly and trustworthy community.”
Still slightly confused? Let’s see if I can explain further and give you some insider knowledge of how to get approved.
How do you join?
Sign up is via LinkedIn or Facebook only. Sorry guys, if you are a social media phobe you will not be able to join. Inner Circle claims this is for security, I guess it does make it slightly harder to make fake profiles but not impossible.
The Screening Process
You may have noticed in the FAQ quote they mention a screening process. This is where things get a little challenging and where The Inner Circle differs from any other dating site. Finding the detail on this isn’t easy, you have to dig into the website T&Cs and this is what you’ll find.
“The registration and creation of Your Account qualifies as an application. All applications will automatically end up on a waiting list.
After an internal screening process, we decide whether the applicant will be allowed as a member of The Inner Circle.
Applications can be refused by us. We might not always approve an application immediately, this can take time. People on the waiting list will regularly be screened in order to be approved. When you want to be removed from our waiting list, please send us an email at admin at theinnercircle.co.
We do not explain why an application remains on the waiting list or why an applicant is allowed as a member of The Inner Circle. The decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into.”
In 2016 the Express wrote an article stating that the waiting list for The Inner Circle was some 93,000 people long worldwide. Since contacting Inner Circle for comment I can inform you that this waiting list has now grown to a whopping 100,000 users as members of the site are now topping 1 million!!
So now the insistence of your social media log-in becomes a little clearer. According to the Express who interviewed the founder David Vermeulen:
“We focus on those aged 25-45 who are well educated, who come from ‘inspiring and ambitious’ professions.”
“We aim to have a mix of those from creative industries as well as more traditional professions such as banking or city workers and those in unusual jobs like pilots.”
I’ve been on some dates with ladies I met through the site and evidently it took them on average 2-3 months to be approved. Some of their friends who they’ve since recommended are still outstanding.
For full disclosure, I was given fast track access and membership in order to write this review. Otherwise let’s be honest I’d probably be still waiting to be approved. So thank you Inner Circle for the opportunity and insight.
That said, moving swiftly on……
How it works
Having been a fully-fledged member with Inner Circle for a couple of months now, I’m just about getting my head around the concept of what they have created here.
The home page makes things a little clearer. I can’t screen shot it as it’s full of personal information from my own profile and others but here are the content titles:
Members currently abroad.
Meet members for… Drinks etc
Who’s newly joined?
Who’s visiting your city?
Up and coming Inner Circle Events.
Hotspots in your city I.e. restaurants, bars etc.
So you get the idea, its far more than just a dating site. It’s a social network in its own right that is formed for the purpose of meeting other single people who are carefully selected to appeal to one another.
This is one of the main challenges I’ve had with dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. Finding ladies of similar educational, social and career background is incredibly hard. I like to be on equal footing with someone I date, it just feels much more comfortable.
Do you have to Pay?
In order to receive basic access you will be asked to invite at least two friends to join the site.
Pricing for the under 30s is £20 a month for full membership and £40 a month for the over 30s, so for once it pays to be young.
I’ll go more into the vetting process shortly as I’ve now received an official insight into this.
The basic profile side of the site isn’t that different to its counterparts. Although the profile is a little more detailed than the likes of Tinder and Bumble.
Details include: Basic stats, age etc. About me section. Favorite cities. Places they like to go in their own city. Personality traits and finally what dates / activities they may be up for.
Browsing potential matches is either in a familiar member’s grid page where you can click into their profile to see more. From this main page you can filter members by online, new or nearby (very useful). Or you can toggle the button to flip into the standard swipe right or left. Personally I prefer the swiping, as well…. It’s just easier.
The members, they are definitely from more educated backgrounds and successful in their career status. This for me is a good thing, for others it may not be.
Member profiles have more detail than other apps, but less than fully fledged dating sites. It sits comfortably in between.
Being able to browse members by swiping is a nice touch and then to be able to view in grid form also.
Members are quite active. I’ve been rather slow due to a hectic schedule, but ladies have been very proactive in messaging me and asking if I’m still awake J. Thank you ladies.
THE EVENTS!! This is where the site stands out from the crowd. Not many dating companies have managed this successfully. I did attend their last Little Blue Door House Warming Party which was fantastic. I paid for this I might add, as I wanted my experience there to be as any other member would have. (Plus be slightly undercover as the management didn’t know who I was) Shhhh….. I am in the photos of the event though so if you want to try guess who I am, or play where’s wally…. I briefly chatted to the manager of the venue who was an awesome guy so I can fully recommend that event next time it comes around. Full review of this event to come soon.
It’s a tough one this, it could be a pro or a con depending on how you look at it. The selection process is a bit of a mystery and a blocker, BUT NOT ANYMORE!! Carry on reading…
The favorite places feature, I’m not really sure of the point in this, is it a marketing gimmick for the venues or a genuine pitch to match members to venues they like to visit?
Hobbies and interests. These are a set number of questions, you cannot insert your own and they seem to profile you on this.
The mobile app is a bit clunky. I get this feeling the fully fledged website is what they’ve spent most of their time on and it’s certainly easier to navigate. Updating your profile via the app for example is near impossible as you cannot scroll the text boxes.
If members don’t have full access this can prevent your communication with them. While I was waiting for mine to be approved, there were some very odd times of when I could and couldn’t see / reply to messages.
Finding members local to you. Inner Circle is divided up by city. I held conversations with members that had joined under the London location however didn’t live in London at all. This was a little frustrating and I think should be filtered better during the selection process. If you live in Southend-on-Sea I’m clearly not going to be able to catch you for a coffee after work….
To conclude and how to increase your chances of approval
My experience of The Inner Circle is by no means complete, the amount of features and available events is extremely extensive and well planned. I’m very much enjoying the experiences though and look forward to more.
Now on to how they select their members. Thank you to my Inner Circle source for this information.
“The main criteria for joining the app is that you’re respectful, professional and well-presented, something which is monitored through your behaviour on the app and we personally approve EVERY single member by checking across multiple social media profiles – so if you have offensive pictures, or a scant FB profile you won’t make the cut.
We need to see that you are the real deal with genuine friends. If a friend recommends you you are both likely to get approved quicker because it increases the authenticity factor (although again, just because a friend recommends you doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be approved).”
My promise to you though, if you’ve read this far, is that I will continue to keep this review updated as my journey continues and evolves.
You can sign up online google “The Inner Circle”, or download the app from the apple or play store.
Next up… keep your eyes open for my review of The Little Blue Door House Warming event.
So you’ve Tindered, you’ve Happned, even wrestled with the Cupid, now what?
Have you stumbled across to the Bumble Dating App?
Bumble Dating is like Tinder and Once dating app’s child. You swipe right or left depending on who gives you that “mmmm” feeling and wait for a match.
This app’s unique selling point though, similar to Once, is placing the first move in the hands of the ladies. In order for a man to speak with a lady, you have to both match and then the timer begins. 24hrs for the lady to send the first message. When the first message has been sent, the male then has 24hrs to reply and keep the momentum going. But unless either chooses to “Block” or “Un-Match” the conversation channel is then locked in once the guy replies. Phew…. No pressure then…
You can carry on swiping through your potential matches building up your “F£ck Yes” or “F£ck Nos” as much as you like which is where it takes the lead over Once in my opinion, that only supplies one suggested match every 24hrs.
Although my Bumble mysteriously stumbled… at one point saying that London had run out of women…?
I was back up and running a few minutes later though.
Signing Up To Bumble Dating
As with many of the apps now, signing up is via Facebook login, this is the only way to sign up to Bumble at the moment according to their help FAQs.
When you enter your Facebook login, the app then requests permissions to various data on Facebook. One of them being your friends list. I disallowed this as I didn’t see why they would need that. But it appeared to let me continue through to the app and carry on setting up my profile regardless.
Similar to Tinder, your pictures are chosen from your Facebook galleries and basic information such as first name, age, gender and date of birth are set. Weirdly Bumble allows you to change your gender once. Why? Who knows, possibly to resolve situations where you may have had a gender change on Facebook and not remembered….?
Do you have to Pay?
No, it’s FREE, however as with many apps, premium features come at a cost. Bumble calls this “The Boost”.
For £7.99 per month The Boost gives you:-
Access to your Beeline, people that have already swiped right on you. Although I’d have thought you’d come across these naturally anyway?
When you have matched with someone and you let the time run out it opens up expired matches that you may not have replied to quick enough.
Extends. (For the men) So you can really look like a stalker. This extends the person as many times as you like, so that you really know they don’t want to match with you when your face doesn’t disappear after 24hrs.
Buy More Time. (For Women). Not sure of the point in this as it would take literally seconds to send someone a message. “Hi” being the pretty common one I found.
Swiping right or left on your likes or no thanks.
Full control over your chosen pictures and main picture.
Full control over your profile “About me” section.
Unlimited chat with a matched member on the app.
Ability to turn notifications on or off.
Preferred distanced from your served potential dates. Great for those who don’t like to go south of the river? (London Joke).
Selecting your chosen age range in settings.
Showing your favoured sex or even BFF, for those only looking for “friends”.
Very well coded app, easy to use and fast. No hangs or freezes that I experienced.
Free usage as long as you aren’t bothered about the extra features.
Gives more control to the ladies, which as a guy, why not? We can sit back and wait for a change.
As a result of the female lead required, women do seem more pro-active.
Photo verification, nice touch, prevent those “Catfish” dates.
As with the Once dating app, Bumble times out matches and messages within 24hrs. This kind of sucks as not everyone checks their apps every day. When they are gone, they are gone for good.
Unless you purchase the Boost features, you cannot extend or bring back matches or messages that you may have wanted to engage with.
Not convinced on how close the matches are, most of mine were at the very outer limits that I’d set. Tinder appears to be better at locating closer dates.
To Conclude The Bumble Review
It’s certainly an improvement over Once. More like Tinder, Bumble allows you to carry on your virtual exploration even after you have some matched timers rolling. I much preferred this as it makes the chances of a match actually engaging higher.
Top tip from me would be to swipe in the morning on the way into work or on the way back. If a match times out in the middle of the night, you are more likely to lose them. Bumble is good about prompting time outs as they are about to happen.
Women that choose to use Bumble to date, understand that the first move is in their hands. So guys, sit back and wait. But don’t be fooled, once they send that first message, you still have to impress to get a date in person.
Have you tried the Bumble Dating App? Leave me a comment here and tell me about your experiences.
A couple of recent dating experiences led me to think about this subject a lot. These in particular were very different but stem, I think, from the same issue. So before I get to the 5 reasons let me set the scene.
Very intelligent lady, background in athletics and now a business consultant (not sure how she arrived there) but anyway….
We were having a good chat, got onto the subject of various personality and influencing theories that are useful in business and everyday life. I mentioned NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming),it’s not as scary as its sounds honestly, as something id looked into to help me at work.
Her reply to that was..
Well why don’t you use those skills on dates? I’m making all the conversation here.
Okay I thought… I can go one of two ways with this, get freaked out that she’s challenged me on this or just move on. I chose to ignore the comment and move on rather than dwell on it.
So it made me think…. Was she feeling the need to fill any silence with conversation? Was she uncomfortable in silence?
Again a with a very intelligent business lady (I find intelligence quite sexy) I found it a bit of a struggle to kick off conversation with her. I tried to ask about any experiences she’d had, talked a little about mine to try and lead her into something but nothing came back. I always try and steer away from interview style dates. “Where you from?” “What do you do?” “Have you got any holidays planned?” Ultimately these tell you nothing about the other person’s personality or what they really enjoy doing and to be honest after a couple of those types of dates you just want to bang your head on a table.
I thought to myself this really isn’t going well what should I do? I excused myself and went to the toilet in order to think it through. Again I had two options, end the date and walk away or just raise the issue with her. Thought f$ck it!! I will just ask her if somethings wrong as she really isn’t talking much, took a few deep breaths and went back into the bar.
“I feel like I’m talking at you rather than talking with you, is everything ok?” I asked….
Well I’m used to being asked questions….
Ok, so she’s only been on interview dates and seemed to struggle with natural conversation in a dating scenario. So I changed tack and started asking questions.
So back to my reasons of why silence is golden on a date.
Pauses for thought are not a bad thing, it gives you both a chance to take a drink, actually look at the other person and work out where it would be fun to take the conversation next. Pauses naturally occur in any conversation and they shouldn’t feel awkward. What seems like minutes is usually seconds. Thinking about the next conversation rather than just blurting out the next rubbish that comes into mind is a lot better. The amount of times people talk about their exes or ill health just because that’s what comes to mind first, I’ve found very common.
Endlessly talking from either side can risk the other person feeling like they can’t get a word in edgeways. Even if you are mid conversation, pause for a moment, they may have something they wish to add. Feeling like you cannot contribute to a conversation or even worse, that the other person isn’t interested, is not a good start.
I personally like a confident lady. Someone that can handle a pause without freaking out or needing to fill it proves a lot. You can’t always be talking about something, there will always be some silence so you should be both comfortable with that. I’m quite a tactile person, so may pause and gently touch the person on the shoulder for example. This has to be well timed though and relevant to a recent compliment or moment. Badly timed and it would seem a bit weird. A date without any physical contact makes a goodbye kiss very awkward.
Pausing to observe your surroundings. If you are struggling to think of something to talk about or the conversation has run a little dry, making an observation is a great get out and conversation re-starter. For example, tennis in the park, “Hey I see they are playing tennis over there, do you play?” Dogs or I’ve even seen a cat on a leash before that was certainly a great conversation starter. There are usually so many things going on around you that are great to add into a conversation to take off the heat and make a date more natural.
Relating back to point 3. Pausing and being comfortable in the moment can be sexy. Generally both men and women like a confident person. If you pause and just give your date a cheeky smile, it oozes confidence and can really turn what has been just an average date, to one where attraction starts to build.
What have been your experiences of silence on your dates? Squirmy and awkward or smoking hot?