Benjamin continues to enjoy life in Colorado. Many changes have occurred in Ben’s living situation since the last post many months ago, all of them good. When Ben returned from the Oklahoma rehabilitation hospital summer 2017, the door opened for him to initially live in a new program in the Denver area. This program provided basic care and Ben initially did well, but Jim and I felt something was missing. With the set backs in Ben’s medical condition, memory, physical health, and cognition from the seizures in July 2016, we both knew that something needed to change. Ben was bored. He was housebound day after day. It wasn’t enough just to be housed safely, Ben needed a program tailored to his needs. Ben deserved a rich life with friends and activity. He needed to feel significant. God provided the answer. Ben’s advocate, who has helped us from the beginning started a brain injury program a few years ago for all the right reasons. She has such a heart for these injured people and knew she could do it better. This advocate also loves Ben and knows him well. The state of CO approved her application to expand her program and a place opened up for Ben in a new house.
Today, however, after spending the day with Ben, I know I should be counting my blessings, but instead I seem to be counting my frustrations. I have my granddaughters with me and I thought Ben would be excited to see all of us especially with the approach of Thanksgiving. Instead, he is overwhelmed. Brain injury is is such an ugly thing. He knows he should be happy to spend time with us, but was relieved when I took him home early. I will pick him up in a couple of hours for dinner. His memory for most short term events, including the location of his house is nonexistent. He easily gets confused. I am constantly “on him” for grooming and personal personal care issues that could affect his health. Outings that should be fun for him can be a huge struggle. Ben’s world right now is so small and I am not helping with expectations for more than he can handle. I am goal driven and it is not working. I believe God is asking me to love more and see Ben through His eyes. The living program Ben is in provides the opportunity for Ben to improve. Their goals are realistic.....mine aren’t and I know better. Choosing acceptance, love and joy tomorrow and for our dinner out tonight. It will be good.
I know some of the things I wrote in this blog are hard to hear. In the midst of great blessing and provision, brain injury is still ugly. Please keep Ben in your thoughts and prayers. Even though he is struggling, there is hope. I do hear unexpected comments from him on occasion that indicate potential for more recovery. I know God will use this for good. He already has. “ The peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard (our) hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:7