Providing help and assistance to single moms all over the world. Our mission is simple, to create actionable information based around experiences of real single mothers to address the real societal issues that they face on a daily basis.
Having a child of your own is not at all an easy job – it takes a lot of guts, energy, hard work and so much more before you can call yourself a mature and successful parent. Just imagine how harder it can get for single moms, being left alone with no one to count on. You have to work for your living, take care of your kid and of the house all by yourself.
Truth be told, being a single mom with no family is quite a challenge. How do you survive? Can you even get back up after what you may consider as the hardest fall of your life? Whether you just came out of a stressful divorce or perhaps the father of your child just decided to abandon you and leave you for good, here are some survival tips that you can pick up and remember while getting by.
What you can do
1. Start moving forward
By this time, you have probably undergone the process of blaming yourself and feeling so bad about the split or the divorce you just went through. Whether it is really your fault or not, there is no longer a necessity to cry over spilt milk and think of what could have been. Though it is always easier said than done, as they say, it won’t hurt if you would start thinking of moving forward and leaving everything behind. By doing this you can then be at peace with your past and the present, too. It does not have to be a quick process, because obviously it is not and it will never be. Learn to give yourself the time and space that you need to think things over and hopefully it can enlighten you and lead you to a more positive path.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Though you are now on your own, this does not have to essentially mean that you no longer can ask help from other people. Even when you no longer have a family to depend on, remember that you still have your friends and other relatives to consider as your family. More importantly, you have your kid with you, which reminds you that you are not alone and that you and your kid can still be a family if you want to. There is nothing wrong with asking for help especially if you are just starting anew. This can also be a good way to rekindle your relationship with the people around you and to also re-establish your communication with them.
3. Keep yourself busy
With everything that has happened, you are surely having a lot of emotions and often in the verge of crying or breaking down. Things like this cannot be helped, but you can do something about it if you really want to. The best thing that you can do is to keep yourself busy – in a good way. You can focus more on your job and try your best to do better. You can also spend more quality time with your kid and at the same time keep your bond even more alive and stronger. Some single moms would join support groups and discussions just so they can stay busy and positive. If you are at home, try not to just sit in one corner and think about a lot of things. You can redecorate your house, clean your bedroom, rearrange the furniture or maybe start building a greenhouse or a garden if you have the space. Come up with anything useful so you can keep yourself busy and occupied.
4. Focus on your kids, but don’t forget about yourself, too
Now that you are a single mom with no family, you are surely planning to prioritize the welfare of your kids and what you can do to make them feel safe and secure even without a dad at home. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, it is a good thinking. But then, make sure you are not forgetting about your own sake, too. Even when you are too busy with work and other stuff, remember that you also need some alone time to enjoy and to relax. This will help you stay organized and peaceful despite all the challenges and hardships of being a single mom.
Life as a single mom
At first you may think that being a single mom is probably the worst thing that can happen to anyone, but as days go by, you will realize that it can get better. It is not easy but when you are able to get by, you will realize how rewarding and self-fulfilling it can be, especially when you start to see your kids happy and contented despite everything that has happened. At the end of it all, you will turn out to be a strong, independent and motivated woman that any mother would wish to be.
This year marks the fifth time I am facing a cancer scare within a two-year window of time.
When I heard the news from my doctor, grateful and exhausted are the two words that bubbled up from within me. I recognized all my biopsies and surgeries from the past have come back benign but I am a bit tired of having to do this again. My doctor believes I am fine but it is better to ensure my “health career,” he said, stays in tact.
This news helped me realize I have received a bigger gift now.
When you want to live really well when you are raising your children alone, it is time to make change. A shift. A new beginning for the better for the long haul.
For me, these are the kinds of changes I read about but have not had the courage to do.
When the Burden Outweighs the Blessings
Children are not a burden, but the responsibilities of caring for them sometimes feel overwhelming no matter if you are a single parent or not. They are little people who need guidance, love and direction each and every day.
However, if your quality of life is rather obsolete, and your health is getting tossed to and fro, what can you do?
I cannot even utter, here is the game plan, because life is not a game plan. It’s life. It was given to be enjoyed abundantly. So with great intentionality, we are embarking on a new journey to remove the clutter and let the good stuff in.
I put together a list for us and this is what I came up with:
Sell everything you do not need.
Trust God to infinity and beyond.
Play a whole lot more.
Find your anchors.
And yes, to borrow the phrase from the hit song from the movie FROZEN, Let it go.
In the time spent here on earth, we are really only accountable for ourselves and raising our children. This is one guideline for what I believe to a life better lived. And I know I am not alone.
Find Your Anchors
At my son’s baseball game over the past weekend, I spoke with another single mom who is going through a divorce. She and her children moved to be home with her family. We both talked about feeling the sickness of stress and how it took its toll on our bodies, our hearts, our minds and our souls.
She told me she felt as though her DNA was dying, and emphatically denied she was not a dramatic person; she needed to come home and feel well again. I have felt the same the past few years, I told her.
“Peace,” she told me. “I have peace, finally. And I wish this on everyone.”
Baseball has been a big anchor for us. When my son plays, the world just seems right again.
Baseball has been a huge anchor for us during seasons of change and stress.
Lean on Others
Just because you are a single parent does not mean you have to do everything yourself. Any guilt that comes to the surface does not originate from a place of reasoning – trust me. Join a support group for single parents. Call on trusted loved ones or even ask friends or neighbors for help. I have, and they have been incredibly supportive to me.
Love on Your Kids
What you give to others you will strengthen within yourself. Loving on your children and being paid attention to in the moment is I think what our children really want. When life is out of balance, this will feel like a burden. When your life is in check, this will feel like a gift.
Be Honest With Your Kids
It is okay to tell your children if you are having a bad day. I remember a few years ago Liam saw me crying after I received some bad news. Sometimes Mommies cry, is what I told him, and left it at that. He gave me a hug.
To reduce your stress and truly live well, how might you shift toward thriving rather than just surviving? What would you do?
Budget is one of the most essential factors that you will have to worry about when you are a single mother. You have to admit that raising children is quite expensive and there is no way to negotiate on that. Since it is only you who will be providing for the whole family, it can be quite a tricky task to handle finances and budgeting. You will need to consider a lot of things, especially when you know that there is no one else to turn to in times of financial emergencies.
A typical single mother with an average income would find it tough to always make both ends meet. Stress and problems would arise here and there and if you are not prepared enough to face all of it, you might just find yourself struggling. That is why we have come up with these tips and strategies that you can try on how a single mother can save money. Not only will these tips help you in keeping up with all the financial responsibilities, but it will also teach you and your kids the importance of knowing how to properly manage your finances.
Creating a monthly budget
Before anything else, it is recommended to first know where you are spending your money. This way, you can become more committed into setting a specific monthly budget or allowance for everything. Start by listing down all your expenses and monthly dues including bills, transportation, food, housing, child care and education for your kids. After you have determined the portions that you need to allot for all these, then you will be able to know how much is left for you to spend and save each month.
You will also need to monitor your spending and evaluate how much you spend for each expense. Doing this can also help you find ways to cut back and see if you can try an alternative that can help you save more money. A good example would be switching to an internet plan that costs less or canceling a particular membership that you think you don’t essentially need at all.
When it is time to go out and buy groceries and other supplies, try to bring a list with you so you will already know what to buy. This does not only save you time, but more so, allows you to concentrate only on what is essential. Don’t forget to always compare prices and keep discount coupons for future shopping purposes. Remember that your goal is to spend lesser than what you used to.
You may also want to consider shopping online because it is easier to find good deals and online sales all the time. Sites such as Amazon, eBay and Craiglist would always offer products and services that are often more affordable and better than what you can avail on actual stores.
Saving on utilities
One of the essential things that you’ll have to pay for every month would be the utility bills. Although this is something that you cannot live without, you can still find ways on how to conserve and save money in the long run. For example, you can teach your kids to always turn off the lights when not in use. They also need to learn more about conserving water like when they are brushing their teeth or washing the dishes. Not only will these simple acts lead to saving more on utilities, you are also teaching your kids valuable lessons on how to be more responsible and obedient.
Paying your bills on time
As you go about setting a monthly budget and monitoring your expenses, make sure that you do not forget to always pay the bills on time. This will not only help you keep your records clean and organized, but at the same time lets you save more by avoiding late fees and charges. One practical and convenient move that you can take is to set up automatic payments through your bank for payments such as your mortgage and monthly rent. If you have credit cards, you should aim to always pay the minimum balance required to avoid extra charges.
Setting up an emergency fund
Aside from saving money, you will also need to stay prepared at all times, especially financially. This is why you should at least have a backup plan or an emergency fund that you can use when an unexpected situation occurs. Being a single mother, you will most likely have no one to turn to during difficult times so you will have to be really careful when it comes to staying responsible and committed. This fund will also be your safe ground if in case you lose your job in the future or anything of that sort.
Single but wiser
Being a single mother is not easy. You will have to deal with almost everything on your own, with your kids by your side. Of course you have to stand up for them and face the responsibility, but it will be much easier if you are financially capable to do so. That is why it is very necessary that you are wiser when it comes to financial matters.
Parenting is hard already; let alone if being a single mom. In this situation, it’s easy to think that nothing’s going right and you are in this battle alone. But do not lose hope – there are lots of women going through the same phase as yours right now.
We have talked to bunches of single moms out there. Just so you know, they have survived the chaos. How they did so is compiled on our list below.
Focus on the positive side.
While there are downsides, there is also a bright side to being single parent. One is you don’t have to argue with another parent about decision making. Therefore, you can be more focused on your relationship with your child. Another thing is that you’ll become a stronger person that your child will idolize as they grow older. You might not notice but they appreciate that you look out for their interests and you’re focused on them 24/7.
Take things one step at a time.
If you haven’t delivered yet, focus on your upcoming delivery, caring for the baby, looking for a new job, and a reliable daycare. Fears might overcome your thoughts, but don’t forget about your friends and family
Ask for help when you need to.
Think about the positive people in your life – your best friend, a relative, or your mom. Anyone who can influence your child in a good way. You might be an awesome mom, but you can’t be all things to your child. It’s virtually impossible to do all things by yourself. While they have lost one parent, talking to other people might be a great help. So make sure to take your child to them once in a while – you’ll see it’s worth a try.
Cry yourself out.
Sometimes, crying is all you need to lighten the load on your shoulders. So don’t be shy and cry it all out. There’s no reason to hold in your feelings and stress inside. Once you feel better, put yourself together and say, “I am ready to be a supermom”. Then, move on.
Schedule your “me time”.
All the hassles of being a single mom does not mean you shouldn’t give yourself some time alone. A time when you don’t have to worry over someone or look after them. Great ideas you can try are whole body massage once a week, manicure/pedicure at the salon, or even simple morning jog at the park. These activities will efficiently rejuvenate you emotionally and physically. Skip the guilt when hiring or asking someone to look after the kids – it’s alright to do the things you love once in a while. However, if you can’t really get out, have your kids play together so you can enjoy your favorite cup of coffee while reading a magazine or doing other things that fascinate you – this sure will make you a better mom.
Steer clear of the negativity.
You are all by yourself and there are tons of things to do. However, you should not let the pressure get into you – there is no perfect parent in the world. Even single moms make mistakes. So, spend more time with your child than on house chores or work. Kids are happier when you bond with them more often so forget dish washing or laundry once in a while – if it means more happy time with baby. No one’s going to judge you for leaving the sink or house dirty, anyway.
Getting a new job.
Some single moms get support from the baby’s father. However, if you are experiencing the other way around, don’t fret because there are ways that you can support your child with your own sweat. Use your skills whenever you feel that you’re ready to work again. If you don’t feel skilled enough, consider taking a crash course like computer training or baking. If you can’t leave home because you don’t have a babysitter, the online platform is your friend. Nowadays, there are thousands of online gigs that let you earn by doing computer-related tasks. Based from personal experiences, many moms have had great success in supporting their kids while working at home.
Raise your chin up.
Birth minus the wedlock and divorce are major cause of worry for women with unsuccessful relationships. Prepare yourself for questions and uncomfortable scenarios. Like we’ve mentioned above, it doesn’t help to dwell on the negative side so surround yourself with people that generously lift your spirit and boost your confidence. You can also keep your head high from judgmental people by seeking support from the neighborhood or groups for single moms like you. Socialize with others over a music class or even at the library. Searching the internet for moms going through the same dilemma might be a good outlet as well.
Parenting a child is difficult. Parenting a child alone sounds very challenging.
Becoming a single parent is not anymore an uncommon issue. In fact, in United States alone, there are 12 million single parent families in 2014, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Around 80% of these are headed by single mothers. Around 9,000,600 mothers independently take care of their families! One might start asking how they survive their life solely parenting their children, and, more interestingly, if there is something to gain in becoming a single mother.
The pain of becoming a single mother
Undeniably, being the sole provider of the family is one of the toughest tasks a woman could bravely choose to do. Aside from the financial problems single mothers have to deal with, there are emotional difficulties they have to face. These do not only affect them, but also their children who count on them a lot.
There is always the need for monetary support. A single mother has to get accustomed to spending less and working more in providing for all the expenses: from bills to daily needs to the kids’ education.
Getting extra job for more money puts stress on a mother’s health. Aside from being overloaded with too many tasks, it can also reduce the time she should spend with her children. She may be able to provide them their needs, but not her attention. On the other hand, however, being a single mother necessitates one to do extra works aside from the stressful tasks at home to address their financial needs. The challenge for single mothers is how to balance their attention between doing their work and spending quality time with their children.
Being bombarded with a lot of responsibilities may also lead to emotional problems. There are a lot of things to think about – money, work, children – that single mothers often feel like they are carrying the whole world with their exhausted shoulders with no one to turn to for support. At home, there is no one to talk to about her problems, for mothers do not want their children listen her ranting about how difficult her life is. At the end of the day, single mothers sleep alone in bed wishing for some company.
Becoming a single mother also affects the children. It might take a lot of time before the child could adjust to living with only one parent. This might also give him/her a sense of loss. A mother’s divided attention between work and home may also make the child feel unimportant or, worse, unloved.
Coping up with the challenges
It is important to know, however, that no matter how challenging single-parenting may be, there are always solutions to the problem. For example, there are a lot of grants for single mothers that may provide monetary support. This way, mothers don’t have to work too much to the extent of neglecting their children. There are also friends and relatives who may be willing to listen and give advices in case problems arise. One does not necessarily need a husband for mature conversations. More importantly, one should treat these problems as challenges that allow them to grow and see the positive side of becoming a single mother.
The rewards of becoming a single mother
In being the sole in charge of everything, there is no fighting over who should do what. There would be no arguments over whose roles should be imposed at home. A single mother has the liberty to make all the decisions: from the food to be served on the table to the places to go during vacations. This does not mean that a single mother can impose anything. It only implies that they should learn how to be more responsible and smart in decision-making – a challenge that would help develop single mothers.
With no partner always keeping an eye on them, single mothers can also do whatever they want to do during their spare time. One can focus more on taking care of her children and herself. It would give them enough time to do things they can’t usually do with partners always keeping an eye on them like building a better body or having fun with friends. This way, friendships become the center of one’s life. Being independent also helps a single mother grow as a person as she becomes less dependent and more motivated.
Single parenting also allows mother to influence their children on how to become more independent and responsible. They can help them understand that because there is only her who takes care of the family, they should try their best in understanding each other and helping each other out in times of need. This also creates more bonding between the children and the parent, considering that there is no one else to trust and depend on.
Indeed, parenting a child alone demands versatility and determination. There are undeniably a lot of difficulties along the way, but finding a solution to these challenges is always possible, and looking at the positive side of it would make the whole experience worthwhile.
Raising a child without a dad around is a tough job for any woman. A single mom has to deal with being the breadwinner, role model, provider and emotional comforter all at once. Any single mother out there will tell you how difficult this task is – although some end up scaling through, giving their child everything he or she needs, the void remains and it is a void that can be difficult to fill even when the luxuries of life are present.
There are a couple of things you can do to ensure your child grows into a confident young man when his father is not around.
When the biological father is not around, the next best thing will be to find a father figure the boy can look up to. This is quite important for kids. Having both sexes around a child as he or she grows is important for well he will grow. A boy needs lots of role models but ultimately,
his number one model will still his mom. Your attitude and mood can also affect your child as he grows up, so you have to watch how you behave around your child. you will have to suck up your emotions and frustrations and learn to put up a positive front at all times. The last thing you want is to make your child start wishing his daddy was around. To maintain a balanced front, take time out on a regular basis to visit the spa or for yoga meditation so you can keep that positive outlook.
Don’t spoil your son because you feel the need to compensate due to the absence of his dad. Every child needs structure and limits to know what to do and not do. Teach your kid the rules of the house and let them know the expectations you have. Discipline and other consequences for bad behavior should be consistent for teaching them how to behave and respect others.Children can be raised poorly too if they have both parents around. It’s not about the presence or absence of either one of the parents but more about how the child is treated in the home – this will determine whether the child will succeed or fail in future.
Spend time to be with your son. Take him out, invite his friends. Do stuff together. Most kids are not picky about what you do with them as long as you take time out to be with them Remember you don’t need to have a father to enjoy a go-kart race with your friends. Prioritize your son’s time and make sure you sit and talk with him often. He will probably be glad to see you pitch with him often more than you know. He might be faster than you but that’s expected from boys. Spend time and have fun with your son. The little moments mean a lot to kids and they will be fun for your as well.
As you spend more time cleaning your son’s room, helping him with his assignments or picking up his toys from the living room, it is normal to forget to tell him how much he means to you and how much you love him.
You could feel exhausted from time to time and that’s ok but you should always try to show unconditional love to your child even when he makes mistakes. Young boys need praise a lot. it’s a confidence booster and it goes a lot deeper than you can imagine. If you’re raising him on your own, try to see things from his own perspective and support him always so he feels a sense of security around you.
Challenges Faced for Single Mothers
With all of these points, there are still challenges that single parents face from time to time.
Raising a child is quite difficult and without a father around to support, it becomes even more difficult. Being a single mom adds its own pressure and fatigue to your lifestyle as the stakes are higher. If you’re too tired to be supportive emotionally and physically for your child, certain emotions may arise which will lead to behavioral changes.
Another challenge that you might face will be on income. As most single-parent families generally tend to have lower incomes and a reduced access to health care. Juggling work and childcare could be difficult and financially straining.
What you can do to reduce the stress in your family is to show love to your child and give him support. Set aside time each day to play, read or sing with your child. Create a routine and never break away from it. if you work at a full-time job and need regular child care, you can hire a babysitter who will continue to provide for your child while you’re away at work trying to make ends meet. If you have older kids, don’t rely on them to watch their junior as this is a recipe for disaster. Hire a professional caregiver and set the limits. Let them know the house rules and expectations that you desire from them. You also have to speak to your child about showing respect to the caregiver and discipline. You can also reduce your child’s screen time when they grow up and show certain traits of accepting more responsibility.
Setting out to find a reliable babysitter is often difficult but when you do find a good one, you will feel a burden lifted off you.
Today, we will look at some tips that you can use to find a reliable babysitter for your kids.
One fast way of finding a reliable babysitter is by asking from friends and families. Recommendations go a long way in solving problems like this. The reason is that you want someone that has been used in the past and that delivered. You can also enquire from colleagues and yoga pals which sitters they have used or which one they would recommend. a sitter being recommended doesn’t mean the sitter will be the right candidate for your family as families differ in structure and needs but you do want to get qualified leads into the door that have been vetted by other people. A good example, you might feel nervous about having a 20-year old care for your baby while another family might be totally cool with it. So, ask questions about the sitter to know what they are all about before you even call them and don’t feel pressured to hire anyone just because they were recommended.
Organizations you trust
There are some reliable organizations all across the city where you live and even on the internet that you can use. Moms on the Bumps is one organization with message boards for where you can get advice. Some people hire their babysitters from their place of worship because these people would have been vetted and trained plus your child already knows them well and will be comfortable with them if they do get hired.
Websites and Agencies
If you still can’t find someone that you are comfortable with, you can check out sitter websites and agencies such as care.com or sittercity.com to find picks that will suit your needs. These websites and agencies also provide the experiences of each sitter and the type of children they have worked with in the past. These websites run background checks but it’s often basic. If you want to hire a sitter whose background has been properly vetted, you might want to look at a local nanny agency doing the work for you.
Will they be a Good Sitter?
once you’ve found some leads and are ready to interview them to know who will be suitable for your needs, there are a couple of questions that you should ask them which will reveal the things listed below to know if the sitter will be a good or terrible hire.
They come with good references. Your child’s safety should not be negotiated. Your sitter should have references and their references should be people you can reach over the phone and not just on the email. Call them up and ask about the service and claims the babysitter made.
Did they get training before starting or during their career as a babysitter? Anyone with special skills like CPR and first aid is a bonus for you. This ensures your baby is in safe hands especially in times of an emergency.If you do find one that you like without these extra skills, you could suggest they take a class or better still, hire them and pay for the classes or offer higher rates if they can take the classes before starting with you.
When you call them for the interview – when did they show up? You want a babysitter who shows up on time. If they can’t even show up on time at the first meeting, how are you sure they will show up when you have to go on a date? Lateness could mean anything but oftentimes, it is a sign of irresponsibility.
Monitor how they relate to your child. Let them spend more than a minute with your baby before you hire them. You should pay for this as well. Ask them to come around for a short session where they will observe and interact with your baby. This way you can monitor how your baby interacts with them. This also allows the child to get used to the new person the next time they come visiting. She should be able to reach out and engage with your child – this is where your intuition needs to be on fire for you to decide if they are worth hiring for a full-time or they should be dismissed.
If your child is old enough, ask him how he felt about the sitter. Ask about what happened, how they felt when this occurred, what they thought about the new person etc. Of course, asking if they love the new person that will be taking care of them when mommy is not around, will not bring a positive response. But, question them so you can get an insight into how the sitter spent their time with your kids.
Once you are settled with the sitter, you will need to decide on the amount to pay them. The typical rate varies from $10-$15 an hour, with $10 being for a student who is trying to make extra income and $15 for a professional with the right references and skills for the job. These prices are not cast in stone though, as they vary from location, experience, and your budget.
Before the sitter starts, be sure you lay out some ground rules on do’s and donts. These could include anything from bringing in guests to your home or texting on the job. It’s your child and your house plus you’re paying them for their time, so lay out the ground rules for them.
Getting back into the dating game after divorce or the loss of a partner can be extremely challenging especially when children are involved. Sometimes, you might even feel it’s impossible or even embarrassing. But you have needs too and dating shouldn’t be the preserve of women without kids.
We all deserve love or at least the possibility of getting love. Dating as a single mom is like searching for a second chance – you never know if you would get it if you don’t try. Don’t forget why you want to date – happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy – your kids will want you to be happy as well.
That being said, the decision to go back into the dating game should not be taken lightly. There are a couple of adjustments you need to make when dating as a single mother. These things are necessary if you want to have a successful relationship while still retaining the trust and love of your kids.
This short guide will help you prepare for dating as a single mother.
Before considering dating as a single mum, you need to ask yourself if you are emotionally available. It’s important you know if you’re ready mentally and physically before jumping into the dating pool. You should not go into a new relationship as a form of grieving or as rebound. Yes, it might take awhile to get over your marriage or the loss of a spouse but you should only consider dating someone else when you’re ready. No one can determine when you’re ready for you except yourself. It could take months or even years, but no matter how long it takes, you need to decide when you want to try dating again.
Thinking about yourself is critical when you’re about going into a relationship and it is sometimes, normal to forget about the other person. Someone else’s feeling is involved as well and it takes two to tango. You don’t want to get into a relationship with someone by making them excited only for them to find out you don’t have the time to be with them or follow through. Even if you’re busy, not having the time to check up or say hi could be a big let down for even the most patient of men.
Here, you need to ask yourself what you’re looking for. are you searching for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now? Do you want someone who is totally different or you want someone like your ex-husband? Sometimes, single mothers who lost their spouse to a sickness or an accident could go into dating hoping to replicate their old spouse. This is a recipe for disaster as there are no two people who are alike. However, if your marriage failed due to a divorce, you would definitely be looking for someone who is totally different from your ex-husband. Either way, you could look at your failed marriage as either a traumatic loss or a substantial learning experience that you can learn from.
Now you have a better experience of the kind of person that will be suitable for you going forward and the ones that are toxic to you. Also, you shouldn’t just think of things you wished were different with your last marriage, you should also think of new ways you can make things work. Getting answers to questions like this means you have to take responsibility and own up to your mistakes.
All these new knowledge needs to be used to build your next relationship. You need to figure out how you can change these details about yourself and how to enter a new relationship with a clean slate.
Dating will be different
When you’re a single mom, dating will be different for you. You won’t just be looking for a guy that is suitable for you but you will also be looking for a guy that is suitable for your family. This means he needs to be able to handle your kids and your kids need to accept him. His morals need to be similar to yours and he needs to step up as a father figure for your kids as well.
A potential suitor should also be comfortable with knowing that you are bound to another person for life since you share kids with them. If they can’t respect that or have reservations, you should let them go as there is bound to be problems in the future. If he is possessive at the early stage, that’s your red flag.
Everything you do once you start dating will be reflected on your kids. Even casual dating or one-night stands will not feel the same and sometimes, you might feel you’re cheating on your kids especially when you’re making out in your home when they are in school with their toys sitting around the house. What you need to remember at this stage is that apart from being a great mother, you have to be a human being as well.
Remember that dating a guy as a single mother means you’ve managed to get your pieces together. You’re no longer confused – now you know what you want because you’ve been there. You’re searching for someone to fit into the life you’ve built. Your desires are more specific than when you were single without kids. Also, you have the opportunity to start afresh. You will also learn how your kids welcome or cannot welcome a new person into their lives and if they prove to be stubborn, remember that they are only worried about what it might mean for their relationship with you. It doesn’t mean they hate you. It only means they are scared.
Dating as a single mother should not’ be as scary as it is being made out to be as long as you follow the rules and carry your kids along at every step of the way – you’ll be fine.
In the United States, there are million of single mothers now who are facing difficulties for their daily living. They usually work for an extended hours, have financial problems or issues and did not finish school. However, there are numbers of federal and state programs that are planned to produce and meet their materials and financial assistance. By conducting investigations and surveys for the said programs, single mothers tasks will now become lighter and easier to manage.
Single mothers also have their dreams that they want to pursue and they are making it close to reality with grants. There are some that have been able to commit higher education to prepare themselves for exceptional job opportunities. While others are starting with their own business or improve and develop it more to those who already have it. Mothers will always prioritize the security of their children by providing them a roof over their heads, supplying them with quality health care, feeding them with nutritious foods and bringing them to school for education. Grants have become a big help for single mothers, backing them up doing the things and other stuff that they could do for their children, but just financially inadequate.
It is a kind of fund or system for assisting those who are qualified to apply in the organization, foundation, corporation, trust, or any other educational institution. It is a kind of assistance or an amount of money that is being awarded to you according to the specifications of the grant guidelines. Meaning, there is no single cent interest attached to it and you are not tied to any obligations of paying it back. Plus the tax exemption for your bonus.
How to Avail it?
Grants are not easy to avail. It is the most hard application in the government because the availability of it is not as open or many as some loans and scholarship application. So in order to be granted with your application on it, you must do some more research online, submit applications, keep updating and daily follow- up.
Make some background check to make sure you are eligible for applying for grants. If you do not meet one of their qualifications or mandatory requirements, then you are not a qualified applicant. You should abide their rules to deserve the money reward or grants. There are different types of grants offered to single mothers US citizen.
This is applicable and available to assist you with the cost across the country, an assistance from the organizations and government. You may just provide the demand requirements and check the eligibility of your applications. Then you may submit it to their office. There are also different types of housing assistance from the US government as follows:
It is a short- term accommodation for homeless people or those who are in crisis. Applicable to those in a domestic violence situation, fire victims and any other natural disasters where their houses are being destroyed. With this program, you can claim and get the basic necessities of the affected individual, like a place where you can sleep, take showers, do your laundries, get clothing and be fed or get money for your food. All costs will be shouldered by the social services and organizations.
This can be availed with the Section 8 vouchers or can be part of a community where the houses and apartment units are offered at a lower price. Expecting a low cost rental or low monthly mortgage payments for this program.
This program caters especially for those who have low incomes only. The monthly income of the applicant of this program will be checked if they meet the maximum amount of the qualification required before they can avail and live in the house, apartment units or townhouse with this application.
With this program, they help people with their monthly rental of their units where they live. They are going to check if the applicant is eligible when claiming another payment or move. You should prepare your documents because they will surely ask for it. The organization or the government will assist you with money to provide for the rental, or you can also work with the landlord so they will reduce the rent of your unit.
· Emergency Solutions Grants (ESG) Program
It supports grants by the rules to metropolitan cities, states, urban counties and all US territories supporting emergency shelter, homeless prevention, emergency shelter and many other related services. The intention of this program is to help the families and every individual to immediately recover their stability in constant housing after has been suffering from homelessness and the housing crisis.
For single mothers, pursuing higher education seems difficult to survive. Aside from thinking about all the expenses you will need for your college, the duty or responsibility as a mother shall always be done at the same time to assure that children are still well taken care of while you’re in the class.
But the government will also take care and help you with all your needs in school. That sounds to be the good news for you because with this program, the chance is there to fund your education and not only that or for you alone because your children are also worthy of this scholarship program from the government. You may select the different types of college scholarship below to choose the best course for you to apply for.
It supports you with a certain amount of money for the applicant to ensure their school miscellaneous, tuition fees, books and any other related college accounts. The money being used for your school doesn’t have to be paid back, but there are some requirements, rules and regulations that you have to follow and fulfill in order to keep the scholarship assistance with you and continue it until the last day of your school.
Those single mothers who are lined up in nursing career are eligible with this Nursing Scholarship program. They were supported by the government by paying their expenses for tuition, books, and also their living cost. The amount of money given to them doesn’t have to be paid back, but there are some associations want you to work with their designated health care centers and areas during or after your higher education.
This program helps those children whose parents are financially insufficient with their college cost. Parents need to submit the information of the children so their application will be granted. Moreover, there are still requirements and conditions that the children need to comply and fulfill even after they received the support money.
It is a useful financial assistance that can help you in many ways, depending to whatever purpose or reason for taking out a loan. So, it’s simply just humors saying that applying for a loan is a dreadful idea. It really matters to you on how to choose the type of loans you want to secure, how are you going to use it and being committed of paying it back according to its terms and conditions as both parties agreed.
Don’t feel sorry for me, I am not a single mother by chance, but a single mother by choice. An empowering quote for women as proving that women do not need men and that they can able to support and raise their children without any help from men. Yes, it is not an easy choice but because they chose it so they have to stand by it and held responsible for it.
Some women have an intense desire of a single parenting without any complications that a husband could bring. Some of the mothers do not believe that they need a husband or partner to help raise a child.
Death of a Partner
Historically, it is one of the common cause of single mothers. No one is exempted and can’t avoid for this might happen to anyone. Development and good maintenance in maternal care and sanitation have lessened the death for those of reproductive age , making death a less common cause for single mother.
At around the mid- 90’s, there was a significant amount of single mothers raising children with over 7 million single mothers in the United States alone. The chances of having divorce are increasing in the following years. Researched shows that about 69% of children in American living in a household that was a different form than the usual central family.
In the United States, the numbers of unintended pregnancy are increasing among unmarried couples than the married ones. A man may leave the woman as he may want to avoid or get out from a responsibility of bringing up the child.
We all fail, but it is the women who mostly ended up like losing the game. But that is just the first impression that most people see in a relationship without knowing the real fact. If a woman left behind by his partner on her pregnancy until giving birth to the child, doesn’t mean it’s a failure, but instead it’s a gift or reward for you in the end.
In Reality: Being A Single Mother Sometimes Suck!
When you are a single parent, it is only you alone at all times. In reality, sometimes being a single parent really sucks. You have to be always on duty and you can’t have days off nor breaks. It has to be you and only you alone in 24/7 doing all the duties of a mother. But if you can call somebody else like your sister or mother to watch for child if you have something urgent or important to take care of, then you are lucky.
A single mother’s job is really a hard work and it is really even harder without the joint custody’s privilege. We only pray and hope that there will be someone to help us, who can be our right hand, and someone who can really share in the responsibilities of a parent. We badly need help and sometimes we want to shout out for a break. Single mothers face, carry, provide and solve out everything like household chores, all the basic needs, bills, health care, and education.
Anyone can face of the toughest responsibilities of parenthood, that is for sure. It is indeed totally pleasing and beneficial, but we also can’t deny the fact that it is never easy, imagining how hard it can actually get for a single mother alone. Solo parenting is even more challenging, chaotic and most especially it is stressful for single mothers. Nevertheless, you have no other choice once you are in this particular situation, but to be courageous, strong and accept happily the responsibility and just enjoy being a mother.
Whether you are a widow, divorced or a single mother, there are always ways to make your path or journey an enjoyable and a successful one.
Connecting with your child
Aside from taking care all the responsibilities for your child, a single mother also needs to handle a lot of tasks and decisions all by themselves. Being the head of the household is one of the important roles that you have to maintain and develop every day. In terms of your child’s behavior, either good or bad, you are obliged to answer for it once be called. No parents want to get affected by something that needs to be settled, especially when it’s all about your kids how to be in the future. Do as many ways as you can and as early as possible to connect with your child in all aspects. Having a strong family bonding and routine is a great help, you can all stick to it. Setting a curfew time each night and giving them household chores are the best ways to train them that they can also benefit in the future.
Always give time to help your child with their homework because with that way, you can have the chance to know him more and better. You can also build trust with your child, making them feel that you are also their best friend, openness is a strong foundation of your relationship especially when they are getting younger. Spending quality time with them is so much better, a great to time catching up with each other.
2.) Quit feeling guilty
Time will really come for you to feel guilty about what happened, especially seeing them negatively affected by it. The least you can do for yourself is to quit feeling sorry, guilty or embarrassed. Do not spoil them because of your mistakes but instead let them understand the whole thing that you both are not in the easy part but you can still be happy together by having each other’s hand, love and support.
Value and take care of yourself, too!
Even if you are the sole provider, you don’t have to forget to take care of yourself also. Give time for caring yourself by attending different kinds of physical activities that you used to do and enjoy before and most especially have some rest and get some sleep as well. You always need to bear in your mind that since it is only you that your child got, the more you have to take care of your physical health, mental and confidentiality.
4.) Never be afraid of asking help
A single mother is like a super hero, but in reality, she’s neither a super woman. There is really time that you will really feel tired, self- pity and depressed, and if that time happens, don’t be shy or feel embarrassed to ask for a help. Always remember that there are also people around you are more than willing to extend their helping hands when you need it the most. There are also organizations or different groups for single mothers having the same situations as you to talk over your pain, hindrances, problems or burdens you are having in your heart. In that way, somehow it lightens your feelings and can start over again to deal with those or any kinds of problems. Be just inspired and get more courage from the different stories from other single mother’s experiences.
Don’t you ever forget that no matter what happens, you still have your family, relatives and good friends supporting you and will help you get through all this and all that people around you aside from your child can be your strength and a good motivation to face, fight and survive for you battle as a single mother.
5.) Be Always Positive
It is normal and there is nothing wrong with the feeling of getting tired and feeling so low, but don’t ever allow that feelings to steal all the best of you. Make your child as the center core so you may keep going for their sake. Single mother’s always look for the brighter side and keep away from all the negativity because they will just drag you down.