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About a month ago, I took my son to see the movie, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, the latest flick about the 1950s cartoon dog who is the smartest being in the world. In this movie, Mr. Peabody adopted an orphaned infant boy and named him Sherman.
Due to several hazardous choices by Sherman when he first begins attending school, Mr. Peabody found himself traveling back in time to mend fences with notable historical figures – King Tut, Leonardo DaVinci and Marie Antoinette, to name a few – in order to keep history, well, history.
While I do not have a time travel machine to take care of the oops! we make in our lives, there is one tool in my toolbox that wherever I go in my life with Liam I try to keep on hand all the time.
I must! And we did a lot of it during the movie.
Laughter is a proven scientific method of reducing stress, too. Preventive care specialists at various universities in the United States have been studying the human body’s response to laughter. Studies show that laughing frequently optimizes many of the functions various body systems … much like exercise. These same studies show that laughing enhances mood, decreases stress hormones and enhances immune activity.
For a single mother who juggles herself, her children and her work, plus all the other demands in her day, it is an amazing free commodity to cling to. It’s also something her children, when the catch it from her, will remember how they feel around their mother and create good memories for them.
Think about it. Comedians talk about the silliness of society and mock it regularly. Audiences laugh. I bet you’re remembering a moment right now about a comedian who made you slap your thigh when you laughed out loud.
The life of a single mother is serious enough. It’s heavy. Why not inject or focus on the comedic moments in your day?
Laugh with your children
My son has gotten used to the fact that sometimes after I sweep or mop floors, I put on Pharrell William’s “Happy” song and video on YouTube and start dancing in the dining room. When I first started doing this, I was uncertain how to interpret his reaction. His facial expressions ranged anywhere from shock to amusement, and then he began to bust his own move. He’s a great dancer, by the way, so we had a ball.
I want the memories of him knowing his mom can laugh and does so to be etched on his heart.
Laugh at yourself
As a recovering perfectionist, I am embracing the fact that not only do I make mistakes but I give myself grace from making them. A sweet friend of mine reminded me a long time ago that kindness goes very far.
Can you be as kind to yourself as you are to others? Can you laugh at your humanness with grace as you your best friend?
Laugh at single motherhood
Good grief – when did life get so … intense?
So, about seven years ago my son and I lived in Charleston, South Carolina for a few years before moving back home to South Florida. While there, Liam decided to stuff a roll of toilet paper down the toilet and flush it. The water seeped out of the toilet bowl, onto the bathroom tile, onto the hallway rug and through the second floor down onto the first floor. My baby grand piano sat perfectly below the trickle of water that came from the ceiling. The water drops hit the piano keys and a little music began to play.
It was at this point that my son came downstairs with only his Spiderman light-up t-shirt on, jumping up and down screaming. Every time he jumped, the t-shirt lit up and the music from the piano from the falling water drops played almost in synch with the t-shirt light show.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Upon reflection, I think I did both.
I realize that this can happen to any parent … yet for single mothers, I believe it is a good thing to remember to find the humor in the situation as much as possible. Cliché notwithstanding, life is short.
Being a single mom is not always peaches and cream, sunny days and birds singing. As easy as some of us may make it look, there are times when we all we want is someone to help us share the load of being a parent, whether it be emotional or financial. We simply just don’t want to do it alone.
When you are a single parent, it is you and only you…at all times. When you are sick and only want to lay in bed or sleep the day away, it’s not going to happen because there is often times than not, anyone there to allow you to get well while they watch the kids. It can even be as simple as taking a shower when you have a new baby and you are a single mom. All we want sometimes is a moment…it doesn’t even have to be an hour…just a moment.
One day, I had the worse stomach ache and nothing in the house to take for it. I was talking to a friend on the phone, moaning and complaining about my stomach, when they suggested that I go to the store and pick something up. My response was, “I would have to wake up TJ for that and drag him with me.
NOT!!” It was after 9 pm and TJ was sleeping and had school in the morning. My friend responded, “Oh Yeah. I forgot.” Um mm yeah, idiot! I wanted to say out of pain but mostly frustration. I was frustrated because it is times like this that I wish I had a significant other, who could get up and run to the store for me or who could stay at home, while I ran to the store.
Let’s just be honest, sometimes being a single parent SUCKS. For instance, this morning, I felt absolutely awful. I barely went to bed at 3 in the morning, after going back and forth between having chills, then being hot as hell. Topped off by a super runny nose and then I started wheezing. At 6:15, the alarm goes off, and I felt like hell runneth over!
Lord, knows that I didn’t want to get up, throw some clothes on and get TJ up to start getting ready for school. Not only didn’t I want to get up, I surly didn’t want to have to drive him to school. It is days like this, I wish there was someone to say, “Stay in bed, honey. I will take care of everything this morning.”
As a single parent, you are always “ON!” There are no off days. There are no breaks. It is you and only you, 24/7. I don’t have the luxury of weekends and/or holidays off. I am barely where I can enjoy a bubble bath without someone banging on the door (notice I said barely because it still happens sometimes). The only time that I get a break is if my mom or sister takes my son when I have something to do or would like some “adult” time with my friends. Thank God for them, although I don’t call on them very often.
When school is in, I get a break while he is in school. I can have a little quiet time to go to the store alone, take a nap during the day, get a mani or pedi without TJ asking how long is it going to take, etc. However, when school is out for the summer, things can be very hectic.
Being a single mom is hard work. It is even harder when you don’t have the privilege of joint custody or an ex who will take the kids even when it is not “their time.” What we crave is just someone to be our helpmate, our right hand, who is willing to share in the responsibility of being a parent and not just a “part-time parent.” We need help and sometimes we just need a break. I applaud women who are able to yell for “Help” when things become a little cray and maybe sometimes when it isn’t very crazy but you just want to get away.
For all of you married moms out there that “complain” about how hard you have it, although you have help…take a walk in a single moms shoes for a week. I bet you will appreciate the help that you have and how good you have it.
Parenthood is surely one of the toughest responsibilities that anyone can face. Being a parent is totally rewarding but it is never easy – and you can just imagine how harder it can actually get for a single mother. Solo parenting is even more demanding, hectic and also stressful for most single moms. However, once you are already in this particular situation, you will have no choice but to be brave and accept the responsibility with everything that you got.
It may be hard at first, or well, who says it is ever easy? But then again, there are still a lot of single mother tips and tricks that you can try to make the most out of your current situation. Whether you are a widow, divorced or a single mother by choice, you can still make this journey enjoyable and successful.
1.) Connecting with your kids
Now that you are a single mother, you will also need to handle a lot of decisions and tasks all by yourself. One of the roles that you need to assert immediately would be as the head of the household. When it comes to your children’s behavior, you will be typically called for it, whether good or bad. You do not want to get overwhelmed with everything that needs to settled, especially how your kids will turn out to be in the future. The best way is to start early and to connect with your kids in as much ways as you can. A strong family routine would be a great help, especially if you can all stick to it. A good example would be setting a curfew time each night or to allocate household chores to everyone in the family.
Make time to help your kids with their homework so you will also have the time and opportunity to get to know them better. You will learn more about their strengths and weaknesses and even their personalities as you get to spend more time with them. A family time will also be better, when you can simply bond and have a great time catching up.
2.) Stop feeling guilty
At one point or another, you will find yourself feeling guilty about everything that has happened, especially if you can see that your kids are negatively affected. The least that you can do for yourself is to stop feeling guilty or embarrassed. You also do not need to feel obliged to spoil your kids just because you think you are not enough for them. Make them understand everything and tell them that while it is not really easy for the most parts, you can still have a happy family together even when you are the only parent left.
3.) Don’t forget to take care of yourself
Yes, you are the sole provider now but that does not necessarily mean that you will stop taking care of yourself. This includes different physical activities that you used to enjoy, as well as getting enough rest and sleep. Keep in mind that since you are now on your own, the more that you have to take care of your health and mental state so that you will always be healthy and stable enough to be there for your family. It also helps a lot to plan or arrange some time that you can spend for yourself, such as going to the spa or getting a full body massage. This will not only allow you to recharge but at the same time lets you value yourself and your wellbeing.
4.) Never be afraid to ask for help
Sure, you are a single mother but that does not mean that you are a superwoman. There would still be times when you will feel alone and depressed and even tired, and in times like these, you do not have to be scared or embarrassed to ask for help. Take note that there are still people around you who would be more than willing to lend a helping hand when you needed it the most. It may also help to join a support group for single mothers like you so you can meet new people with the same situation as yours. This way you will have more people to talk to when you need it.
Don’t forget that you still have your friends and other relatives to help you get through this. These people will be your source of strength, aside of course from your kids.
5.) Staying positive
There is nothing wrong with feeling tired or depressed, but then again, don’t let that feeling get the best of you. Remember that you have to keep going for the sake of your kids. As a single mother, you have to always look at the brighter side. Stay away from negative thoughts as those will only bring you down.
Being a single parent is probably one of the hardest responsibilities that you may encounter as an adult. In almost all aspects, there needs to be changes, adjustments and even obstacles. This remains the same whenever you would plan for a travel or vacation for you and your kids. While you ultimately like for your kids to have fun and enjoy the whole trip, you should not forget that you also need to satisfy yourself and be relaxed. Since traveling is now among the most growing industries, different vacation options are available and you can fairly well choose one that would suit your needs and preferences.
For special occasions
Holidays and special occasions are always a good reason for you and your little family to go out of town or even out of the country. Long weekends usually happen and that would be a great opportunity to bond and take some time off away from work, stress and worries. The winter season is one of the most popular times of the year when people would take a vacation and go elsewhere. Just so you know, it is not at all impossible for you to plan the best single mom winter getaways as long as you keep these tips and things in mind.
Choosing a destination
The most important question to ask yourself is – where will you be going? Since winter is just about starting, you might want to consider picking a place that has warmer climate. This way, you know that you and your kids will enjoy doing outdoor activities, knowing that you will not be worried about the weather being too cold or freezing.
If you live in the US and you do not want to travel out of the country, there are still a lot of places that you can opt for when it comes to winter getaways. Honolulu in Hawaii, for example, is an all-time favorite whether it is winter or not. You can easily find resorts and hotels in the area that can cater to specific needs and requirements. Even when you are a single mom with kids, you do not have to worry about finding a place to stay that is comfortable and enjoyable at the same time. Another popular place to visit would be the state of Arizona where you and your children can spend the day shopping or just lounging around various attractions and amenities. However, remember that Phoenix is not at all very famous for nightlife sceneries, which means that it is ideal for best single mom winter getaways that only involve daytime fun and sleeping early at night. Other locations to consider would be Las Vegas, Miami, Denver, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Nashville or Memphis Tennessee.
Involving the kids with the planning
If your kids are no longer toddlers, it might be better to ask them first and know if they have any ideas or suggestions in mind. They will surely appreciate it if you can discuss with them some details such as your options, hotel accommodations and even the activities that you are planning for the family. This makes them feel involved and important, so they won’t be left out and feel indifferent about the whole idea.
Things to do and places to visit
Once you have already reached your destination, the fun then begins. It is best to find or think of activities that you can do together as a family, regardless of age or gender. As the mother, you surely already know what will interest your kids and how they will be able to enjoy the trip. You can wander around the city or the area where you are staying, perhaps go and check out local stores or gift shops. It is also a good idea to try different restaurants and delicacies. If your kids want to, you can find a local park or a playground where they can roam freely and play. If the kids are interested, might also want to plan museum visits or learn more about the local architecture and geography of the place. Not only will you have some time to bond but at the same time, the kids will surely learn a lot from it.
Other things to remember
If in case you are traveling outside of the country, remember to always be prepared and alert when it comes to safety and security. Be sure to never let your kids be out of your sight especially if it’s a place that they have never visited before. You must also not forget that you will need to secure proper documentation before you can bring your kids abroad. Child protection laws require a single parent to still have the permission from the other parent when going out of the country. For divorced single moms, a notarized letter from your ex should be helpful enough for you to easily pass borders. In case your spouse is already dead, a copy of the death certificate should suffice.
Having a child of your own is not at all an easy job – it takes a lot of guts, energy, hard work and so much more before you can call yourself a mature and successful parent. Just imagine how harder it can get for single moms, being left alone with no one to count on. You have to work for your living, take care of your kid and of the house all by yourself.
Truth be told, being a single mom with no family is quite a challenge. How do you survive? Can you even get back up after what you may consider as the hardest fall of your life? Whether you just came out of a stressful divorce or perhaps the father of your child just decided to abandon you and leave you for good, here are some survival tips that you can pick up and remember while getting by.
What you can do
1. Start moving forward
By this time, you have probably undergone the process of blaming yourself and feeling so bad about the split or the divorce you just went through. Whether it is really your fault or not, there is no longer a necessity to cry over spilt milk and think of what could have been. Though it is always easier said than done, as they say, it won’t hurt if you would start thinking of moving forward and leaving everything behind. By doing this you can then be at peace with your past and the present, too. It does not have to be a quick process, because obviously it is not and it will never be. Learn to give yourself the time and space that you need to think things over and hopefully it can enlighten you and lead you to a more positive path.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Though you are now on your own, this does not have to essentially mean that you no longer can ask help from other people. Even when you no longer have a family to depend on, remember that you still have your friends and other relatives to consider as your family. More importantly, you have your kid with you, which reminds you that you are not alone and that you and your kid can still be a family if you want to. There is nothing wrong with asking for help especially if you are just starting anew. This can also be a good way to rekindle your relationship with the people around you and to also re-establish your communication with them.
3. Keep yourself busy
With everything that has happened, you are surely having a lot of emotions and often in the verge of crying or breaking down. Things like this cannot be helped, but you can do something about it if you really want to. The best thing that you can do is to keep yourself busy – in a good way. You can focus more on your job and try your best to do better. You can also spend more quality time with your kid and at the same time keep your bond even more alive and stronger. Some single moms would join support groups and discussions just so they can stay busy and positive. If you are at home, try not to just sit in one corner and think about a lot of things. You can redecorate your house, clean your bedroom, rearrange the furniture or maybe start building a greenhouse or a garden if you have the space. Come up with anything useful so you can keep yourself busy and occupied.
4. Focus on your kids, but don’t forget about yourself, too
Now that you are a single mom with no family, you are surely planning to prioritize the welfare of your kids and what you can do to make them feel safe and secure even without a dad at home. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, it is a good thinking. But then, make sure you are not forgetting about your own sake, too. Even when you are too busy with work and other stuff, remember that you also need some alone time to enjoy and to relax. This will help you stay organized and peaceful despite all the challenges and hardships of being a single mom.
Life as a single mom
At first you may think that being a single mom is probably the worst thing that can happen to anyone, but as days go by, you will realize that it can get better. It is not easy but when you are able to get by, you will realize how rewarding and self-fulfilling it can be, especially when you start to see your kids happy and contented despite everything that has happened. At the end of it all, you will turn out to be a strong, independent and motivated woman that any mother would wish to be.
This year marks the fifth time I am facing a cancer scare within a two-year window of time.
When I heard the news from my doctor, grateful and exhausted are the two words that bubbled up from within me. I recognized all my biopsies and surgeries from the past have come back benign but I am a bit tired of having to do this again. My doctor believes I am fine but it is better to ensure my “health career,” he said, stays in tact.
This news helped me realize I have received a bigger gift now.
When you want to live really well when you are raising your children alone, it is time to make change. A shift. A new beginning for the better for the long haul.
For me, these are the kinds of changes I read about but have not had the courage to do.
When the Burden Outweighs the Blessings
Children are not a burden, but the responsibilities of caring for them sometimes feel overwhelming no matter if you are a single parent or not. They are little people who need guidance, love and direction each and every day.
However, if your quality of life is rather obsolete, and your health is getting tossed to and fro, what can you do?
I cannot even utter, here is the game plan, because life is not a game plan. It’s life. It was given to be enjoyed abundantly. So with great intentionality, we are embarking on a new journey to remove the clutter and let the good stuff in.
I put together a list for us and this is what I came up with:
Sell everything you do not need.
Trust God to infinity and beyond.
Play a whole lot more.
Find your anchors.
And yes, to borrow the phrase from the hit song from the movie FROZEN, Let it go.
In the time spent here on earth, we are really only accountable for ourselves and raising our children. This is one guideline for what I believe to a life better lived. And I know I am not alone.
Find Your Anchors
At my son’s baseball game over the past weekend, I spoke with another single mom who is going through a divorce. She and her children moved to be home with her family. We both talked about feeling the sickness of stress and how it took its toll on our bodies, our hearts, our minds and our souls.
She told me she felt as though her DNA was dying, and emphatically denied she was not a dramatic person; she needed to come home and feel well again. I have felt the same the past few years, I told her.
“Peace,” she told me. “I have peace, finally. And I wish this on everyone.”
Baseball has been a big anchor for us. When my son plays, the world just seems right again.
Baseball has been a huge anchor for us during seasons of change and stress.
Lean on Others
Just because you are a single parent does not mean you have to do everything yourself. Any guilt that comes to the surface does not originate from a place of reasoning – trust me. Join a support group for single parents. Call on trusted loved ones or even ask friends or neighbors for help. I have, and they have been incredibly supportive to me.
Love on Your Kids
What you give to others you will strengthen within yourself. Loving on your children and being paid attention to in the moment is I think what our children really want. When life is out of balance, this will feel like a burden. When your life is in check, this will feel like a gift.
Be Honest With Your Kids
It is okay to tell your children if you are having a bad day. I remember a few years ago Liam saw me crying after I received some bad news. Sometimes Mommies cry, is what I told him, and left it at that. He gave me a hug.
To reduce your stress and truly live well, how might you shift toward thriving rather than just surviving? What would you do?
Budget is one of the most essential factors that you will have to worry about when you are a single mother. You have to admit that raising children is quite expensive and there is no way to negotiate on that. Since it is only you who will be providing for the whole family, it can be quite a tricky task to handle finances and budgeting. You will need to consider a lot of things, especially when you know that there is no one else to turn to in times of financial emergencies.
A typical single mother with an average income would find it tough to always make both ends meet. Stress and problems would arise here and there and if you are not prepared enough to face all of it, you might just find yourself struggling. That is why we have come up with these tips and strategies that you can try on how a single mother can save money. Not only will these tips help you in keeping up with all the financial responsibilities, but it will also teach you and your kids the importance of knowing how to properly manage your finances.
Creating a monthly budget
Before anything else, it is recommended to first know where you are spending your money. This way, you can become more committed into setting a specific monthly budget or allowance for everything. Start by listing down all your expenses and monthly dues including bills, transportation, food, housing, child care and education for your kids. After you have determined the portions that you need to allot for all these, then you will be able to know how much is left for you to spend and save each month.
You will also need to monitor your spending and evaluate how much you spend for each expense. Doing this can also help you find ways to cut back and see if you can try an alternative that can help you save more money. A good example would be switching to an internet plan that costs less or canceling a particular membership that you think you don’t essentially need at all.
When it is time to go out and buy groceries and other supplies, try to bring a list with you so you will already know what to buy. This does not only save you time, but more so, allows you to concentrate only on what is essential. Don’t forget to always compare prices and keep discount coupons for future shopping purposes. Remember that your goal is to spend lesser than what you used to.
You may also want to consider shopping online because it is easier to find good deals and online sales all the time. Sites such as Amazon, eBay and Craiglist would always offer products and services that are often more affordable and better than what you can avail on actual stores.
Saving on utilities
One of the essential things that you’ll have to pay for every month would be the utility bills. Although this is something that you cannot live without, you can still find ways on how to conserve and save money in the long run. For example, you can teach your kids to always turn off the lights when not in use. They also need to learn more about conserving water like when they are brushing their teeth or washing the dishes. Not only will these simple acts lead to saving more on utilities, you are also teaching your kids valuable lessons on how to be more responsible and obedient.
Paying your bills on time
As you go about setting a monthly budget and monitoring your expenses, make sure that you do not forget to always pay the bills on time. This will not only help you keep your records clean and organized, but at the same time lets you save more by avoiding late fees and charges. One practical and convenient move that you can take is to set up automatic payments through your bank for payments such as your mortgage and monthly rent. If you have credit cards, you should aim to always pay the minimum balance required to avoid extra charges.
Setting up an emergency fund
Aside from saving money, you will also need to stay prepared at all times, especially financially. This is why you should at least have a backup plan or an emergency fund that you can use when an unexpected situation occurs. Being a single mother, you will most likely have no one to turn to during difficult times so you will have to be really careful when it comes to staying responsible and committed. This fund will also be your safe ground if in case you lose your job in the future or anything of that sort.
Single but wiser
Being a single mother is not easy. You will have to deal with almost everything on your own, with your kids by your side. Of course you have to stand up for them and face the responsibility, but it will be much easier if you are financially capable to do so. That is why it is very necessary that you are wiser when it comes to financial matters.
Parenting is hard already; let alone if being a single mom. In this situation, it’s easy to think that nothing’s going right and you are in this battle alone. But do not lose hope – there are lots of women going through the same phase as yours right now.
We have talked to bunches of single moms out there. Just so you know, they have survived the chaos. How they did so is compiled on our list below.
Focus on the positive side.
While there are downsides, there is also a bright side to being single parent. One is you don’t have to argue with another parent about decision making. Therefore, you can be more focused on your relationship with your child. Another thing is that you’ll become a stronger person that your child will idolize as they grow older. You might not notice but they appreciate that you look out for their interests and you’re focused on them 24/7.
Take things one step at a time.
If you haven’t delivered yet, focus on your upcoming delivery, caring for the baby, looking for a new job, and a reliable daycare. Fears might overcome your thoughts, but don’t forget about your friends and family
Ask for help when you need to.
Think about the positive people in your life – your best friend, a relative, or your mom. Anyone who can influence your child in a good way. You might be an awesome mom, but you can’t be all things to your child. It’s virtually impossible to do all things by yourself. While they have lost one parent, talking to other people might be a great help. So make sure to take your child to them once in a while – you’ll see it’s worth a try.
Cry yourself out.
Sometimes, crying is all you need to lighten the load on your shoulders. So don’t be shy and cry it all out. There’s no reason to hold in your feelings and stress inside. Once you feel better, put yourself together and say, “I am ready to be a supermom”. Then, move on.
Schedule your “me time”.
All the hassles of being a single mom does not mean you shouldn’t give yourself some time alone. A time when you don’t have to worry over someone or look after them. Great ideas you can try are whole body massage once a week, manicure/pedicure at the salon, or even simple morning jog at the park. These activities will efficiently rejuvenate you emotionally and physically. Skip the guilt when hiring or asking someone to look after the kids – it’s alright to do the things you love once in a while. However, if you can’t really get out, have your kids play together so you can enjoy your favorite cup of coffee while reading a magazine or doing other things that fascinate you – this sure will make you a better mom.
Steer clear of the negativity.
You are all by yourself and there are tons of things to do. However, you should not let the pressure get into you – there is no perfect parent in the world. Even single moms make mistakes. So, spend more time with your child than on house chores or work. Kids are happier when you bond with them more often so forget dish washing or laundry once in a while – if it means more happy time with baby. No one’s going to judge you for leaving the sink or house dirty, anyway.
Getting a new job.
Some single moms get support from the baby’s father. However, if you are experiencing the other way around, don’t fret because there are ways that you can support your child with your own sweat. Use your skills whenever you feel that you’re ready to work again. If you don’t feel skilled enough, consider taking a crash course like computer training or baking. If you can’t leave home because you don’t have a babysitter, the online platform is your friend. Nowadays, there are thousands of online gigs that let you earn by doing computer-related tasks. Based from personal experiences, many moms have had great success in supporting their kids while working at home.
Raise your chin up.
Birth minus the wedlock and divorce are major cause of worry for women with unsuccessful relationships. Prepare yourself for questions and uncomfortable scenarios. Like we’ve mentioned above, it doesn’t help to dwell on the negative side so surround yourself with people that generously lift your spirit and boost your confidence. You can also keep your head high from judgmental people by seeking support from the neighborhood or groups for single moms like you. Socialize with others over a music class or even at the library. Searching the internet for moms going through the same dilemma might be a good outlet as well.
Parenting a child is difficult. Parenting a child alone sounds very challenging.
Becoming a single parent is not anymore an uncommon issue. In fact, in United States alone, there are 12 million single parent families in 2014, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Around 80% of these are headed by single mothers. Around 9,000,600 mothers independently take care of their families! One might start asking how they survive their life solely parenting their children, and, more interestingly, if there is something to gain in becoming a single mother.
The pain of becoming a single mother
Undeniably, being the sole provider of the family is one of the toughest tasks a woman could bravely choose to do. Aside from the financial problems single mothers have to deal with, there are emotional difficulties they have to face. These do not only affect them, but also their children who count on them a lot.
There is always the need for monetary support. A single mother has to get accustomed to spending less and working more in providing for all the expenses: from bills to daily needs to the kids’ education.
Getting extra job for more money puts stress on a mother’s health. Aside from being overloaded with too many tasks, it can also reduce the time she should spend with her children. She may be able to provide them their needs, but not her attention. On the other hand, however, being a single mother necessitates one to do extra works aside from the stressful tasks at home to address their financial needs. The challenge for single mothers is how to balance their attention between doing their work and spending quality time with their children.
Being bombarded with a lot of responsibilities may also lead to emotional problems. There are a lot of things to think about – money, work, children – that single mothers often feel like they are carrying the whole world with their exhausted shoulders with no one to turn to for support. At home, there is no one to talk to about her problems, for mothers do not want their children listen her ranting about how difficult her life is. At the end of the day, single mothers sleep alone in bed wishing for some company.
Becoming a single mother also affects the children. It might take a lot of time before the child could adjust to living with only one parent. This might also give him/her a sense of loss. A mother’s divided attention between work and home may also make the child feel unimportant or, worse, unloved.
Coping up with the challenges
It is important to know, however, that no matter how challenging single-parenting may be, there are always solutions to the problem. For example, there are a lot of grants for single mothers that may provide monetary support. This way, mothers don’t have to work too much to the extent of neglecting their children. There are also friends and relatives who may be willing to listen and give advices in case problems arise. One does not necessarily need a husband for mature conversations. More importantly, one should treat these problems as challenges that allow them to grow and see the positive side of becoming a single mother.
The rewards of becoming a single mother
In being the sole in charge of everything, there is no fighting over who should do what. There would be no arguments over whose roles should be imposed at home. A single mother has the liberty to make all the decisions: from the food to be served on the table to the places to go during vacations. This does not mean that a single mother can impose anything. It only implies that they should learn how to be more responsible and smart in decision-making – a challenge that would help develop single mothers.
With no partner always keeping an eye on them, single mothers can also do whatever they want to do during their spare time. One can focus more on taking care of her children and herself. It would give them enough time to do things they can’t usually do with partners always keeping an eye on them like building a better body or having fun with friends. This way, friendships become the center of one’s life. Being independent also helps a single mother grow as a person as she becomes less dependent and more motivated.
Single parenting also allows mother to influence their children on how to become more independent and responsible. They can help them understand that because there is only her who takes care of the family, they should try their best in understanding each other and helping each other out in times of need. This also creates more bonding between the children and the parent, considering that there is no one else to trust and depend on.
Indeed, parenting a child alone demands versatility and determination. There are undeniably a lot of difficulties along the way, but finding a solution to these challenges is always possible, and looking at the positive side of it would make the whole experience worthwhile.
Raising a child without a dad around is a tough job for any woman. A single mom has to deal with being the breadwinner, role model, provider and emotional comforter all at once. Any single mother out there will tell you how difficult this task is – although some end up scaling through, giving their child everything he or she needs, the void remains and it is a void that can be difficult to fill even when the luxuries of life are present.
There are a couple of things you can do to ensure your child grows into a confident young man when his father is not around.
When the biological father is not around, the next best thing will be to find a father figure the boy can look up to. This is quite important for kids. Having both sexes around a child as he or she grows is important for well he will grow. A boy needs lots of role models but ultimately,
his number one model will still his mom. Your attitude and mood can also affect your child as he grows up, so you have to watch how you behave around your child. you will have to suck up your emotions and frustrations and learn to put up a positive front at all times. The last thing you want is to make your child start wishing his daddy was around. To maintain a balanced front, take time out on a regular basis to visit the spa or for yoga meditation so you can keep that positive outlook.
Don’t spoil your son because you feel the need to compensate due to the absence of his dad. Every child needs structure and limits to know what to do and not do. Teach your kid the rules of the house and let them know the expectations you have. Discipline and other consequences for bad behavior should be consistent for teaching them how to behave and respect others.Children can be raised poorly too if they have both parents around. It’s not about the presence or absence of either one of the parents but more about how the child is treated in the home – this will determine whether the child will succeed or fail in future.
Spend time to be with your son. Take him out, invite his friends. Do stuff together. Most kids are not picky about what you do with them as long as you take time out to be with them Remember you don’t need to have a father to enjoy a go-kart race with your friends. Prioritize your son’s time and make sure you sit and talk with him often. He will probably be glad to see you pitch with him often more than you know. He might be faster than you but that’s expected from boys. Spend time and have fun with your son. The little moments mean a lot to kids and they will be fun for your as well.
As you spend more time cleaning your son’s room, helping him with his assignments or picking up his toys from the living room, it is normal to forget to tell him how much he means to you and how much you love him.
You could feel exhausted from time to time and that’s ok but you should always try to show unconditional love to your child even when he makes mistakes. Young boys need praise a lot. it’s a confidence booster and it goes a lot deeper than you can imagine. If you’re raising him on your own, try to see things from his own perspective and support him always so he feels a sense of security around you.
Challenges Faced for Single Mothers
With all of these points, there are still challenges that single parents face from time to time.
Raising a child is quite difficult and without a father around to support, it becomes even more difficult. Being a single mom adds its own pressure and fatigue to your lifestyle as the stakes are higher. If you’re too tired to be supportive emotionally and physically for your child, certain emotions may arise which will lead to behavioral changes.
Another challenge that you might face will be on income. As most single-parent families generally tend to have lower incomes and a reduced access to health care. Juggling work and childcare could be difficult and financially straining.
What you can do to reduce the stress in your family is to show love to your child and give him support. Set aside time each day to play, read or sing with your child. Create a routine and never break away from it. if you work at a full-time job and need regular child care, you can hire a babysitter who will continue to provide for your child while you’re away at work trying to make ends meet. If you have older kids, don’t rely on them to watch their junior as this is a recipe for disaster. Hire a professional caregiver and set the limits. Let them know the house rules and expectations that you desire from them. You also have to speak to your child about showing respect to the caregiver and discipline. You can also reduce your child’s screen time when they grow up and show certain traits of accepting more responsibility.