Someone once told me that TRUST is more important THAN LOVE, she told me LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. At the time I wasn’t trustworthy, but I LOVED. My heart was divided into many HEARTS OF VARIOUS SIZES. In this state of A BROKEN HEART, I started to break the pieces down until I had HEART DUST left, nothing meant anything anymore. When my heart first broke, I started to use substances to blind myself from facing myself.
If I am not flying through the soul of an energy being, I am having an anti- human experience, a morbid transaction of energy that is vapid and cold, heavy and dark. It is only through the enmeshment on a soul level that human interaction can truly channel God and honor the truth of His Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a spirit of rawness. It is not to be confused with perfection or even a system of morality.
The spiritual journey is one that is full of endless experiences and perceptions that change the way humans interact with the Universe. The notion of duality consciousness is the deluded perception of warfare between the carnal, ego-driven, fear based frequencies that disrupt the natural flow of the moment. Over time, and spiritual maturity is acquired, the fear frequencies are transmuted into the higher frequencies of love, clarity, acceptance, and forgiveness, that flow directly from GOD.
Who is God? Does He really love me as much as the Bible says? Does He still see me even though I am buried in my own shame and self pity hardly breathing life into my own existence? Does He know how much I hurt and that I struggle to muster up the strength for a will to continue life?
God, I love you for creating this beautiful masterpiece of love, lies, illusions, truths, deceptions, clarity, chaos and infinite perfection.
Love exists as the most omnipotent and beautiful force in the universe. However, it also has the potential to be the very essence of pain. Its exquisite and overwhelming power can lift you up one minute – and then eradicate your entire being with no warning. This delicate paradox both consciously and subconsciously dictates our every move, as like all living beings, we are on an eternal quest for unconditional love.
For as long as I can remember, I have been enamored with the idea of falling in love and consequently, idealized someone who I thought would complete me, and cause all of the fear, pain and sadness from my entire heart to dissipate from the soul.
God made man perfect in His image in the divine creation. Disease is the natural consequence of sin or a spiritual relationship that is impure and repugnant to man’s divine state as designed by God. God provides clear and simple instructions of how to receive infinite blessings on Earth and eternally, but they are so often ignored for the sake of man’s selfish desire to engage in hedonistic urges in the material realm.
Whenever man utilizes external means to cure a problem that originates from within the soul, he has turned away from God, and committed a sin and has broken the commandments of God which were never intended to be punitive but rather only for our protection and spiritual preservation.
The experience of emotional pain that I feel to the core of my soul from neglect, abandonment and the perception that there is nobody to soothe, comfort or otherwise relieve my sadness is one that never truly dissipates fully from the wreckage and battlefield of the soul. The remnants of this piercing and chilling sensation that run through the veins of my physical body and create goosebumps on the skin will never fully die.
Not only will this emotional state remain buried in the dark corners of the soul, but there will be further wounding of this pain on a consistent basis for a soul who embraces the sensation.
I originally wrote this letter to a friend of mine, but the content of it can apply to any relationship, most importantly the one we have with self. This relationship, or lack thereof, serves as foundational framework from which all subsequent relationships are built from.
DEAR EGO SELF:
As someone who has always been a natural empath since I was a child, I feel that you are deeply suffering.
It is my feeling and intuition that you are blocking or suppressing something from childhood that you may not recall that created feelings of deep toxic shame and self hate.
The words “self love” are becoming ubiquitous in today’s vernacular but it is a concept that is difficult to conceptualize or even explain in less than ten words. In fact, it is somewhat amorphous.
Ironically, despite its mystical and almost perplexing essence, it is the single most important phenomenon that exists in the universe.
In fact, I am going to dare to say that true healing from the most pervasive global pain, suffering and abuse in all of human history can only derive from self love, which serves to be the foundation of all other love that flows from its source infinitely, incapable of cessation …
Love is the most compelling and omnipotent energy that exists and is capable of destroying all evil by dismantling the illusion of fear that hate binds itself to.