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By: Advisor Amee

What are some ways you can raise your vibration for your highest good? Here are some methods I have personally tried when I was sad,  angry, frustrated, anxiety ridden, depressed,or just in a funk!

1.Music. Upbeat, positive lyrics can make your day and moments brighter as it boosts the dopamine levels.

2.Dance. Wonderful to use to relieve those blah depressed feelings.It shakes the negativity right of you.

3.Affirmations. I love Louise Hay’s website and her YouTube videos.The are free and helped me for years now..

4.Animals. They are superb stress relievers.Just petting them and listening to a cat purr, or a dog snore.Watching my cat Missy turn somersaults when she thinks no one is around.funny huh?It’s good for people with high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and especially loneliness, insomniacs and introverts.

5.Herbs. For all my nature loving brothers and sisters.There is a plethora of herbs and spices, even in your own backyard.Please Note: Do not pick unless you know exactly what is edible and which are toxic. this goes for the edible flowers and other plants as well. Ask a certified herbalist and /or physician before blending with other herbs and prescription drugs.

6. Colors.
this option works wonders for those of us that can not see things in just black and white. Those personalities also need color in their lives as well they just don’t realize how much.Take the color blue..it helps us to calm our minds and our moods..Yellow helps us feel more joyful positive and upbeat. ie the sun and it’s vitamin D.

7. Crystals and Stones. They all have their own own energies that can heal us in one way or another or raise our vibration relieving ailments physically ,mentally.and emotionally.Help in the aid of disorders, diseases and many other arenas. Please Note: this is not a cure all  – seek the attention of your doctor if something is serious.

8. Incense /Resins. The most well known for clearing negativity is white sage or blue sage.Now if you can’t use sage you are able to use frankincense for clearing spaces like you would see in the Christian churches..I like to use Palo Santo myself..which you can purchase in chips or sticks.

9. Bath/shower. cleansing yourself regularly helps.there is even a ritual that some people use.Unfortunately not all people are able to bathe on a daily basis to unsanitary conditions or being homeless or fear of water ,so they need someone to be there to help them.

10. Clean the home/Environment. Keeping your surrounding areas free of debris and clutter is a must. ie dust those picture frames, baseboards, ledges over your doors frame, closets ,window sills, and yes even your vents.Don’t forget those garbage cans either.Open your windows whenever possible and let the fresh air blow the stagnation and bacteria out.

11. Food. Eating healthy ,organic foods helps raise your vibration immensely.Add in clean spring water or distilled water, herbal teas or decaffeinated coffees.This also is greatly used to keep your up and flowing well.It helps to release the toxins of all the junk and the environmental nasties you may absorb .

12. Talking It out. chatting with a friend of loved one helps to let go of unwanted and unneeded negative energy. No one is immune to it.Remember they can be your biggest cheerleader and support in times of troubles.Call upon your support team when you need that extra boost of confidence and loving energy to accomplish a challenging task.

13. Meditation.there are endless types of meditations for all situations in life. Just choose what’s best for you and go with it.You can find them everywhere ..i prefer the beta and theta waves i find on YouTube or Hay House.

14. Breathe. Taking a breath break does a body wonders. Breath in ,count to 10 and breathe all the way out. Repeat this atleast 3 times or more to you really feel those shoulders relaxing and the wight lifting off of them.this is a great exercise fr when you may get overwhelmed with work or just a stressful car issue.

15. Talk to your Guides. Depending on your religion and Spiritual Path talk to any of your chosen helpers:this could be Angels, Faeries, Ascended Masters,Animal Totems/Spirits. They are all standing in wait just to help you with whatever they can to make your life better and help you on your journey. They truly want you to seek their advice and assistance.

Amee is an advisor with Psychic Txt

I hope you can take away some new pointers on how to help yourself raise your vibration and be the happy, calm, and collected soul you are meant to be. Love and blessings to all on your journey. If you have been struggling and need help to raise your vibration and regain your energy, please feel free to reach out to me via the Psychic Txt app today. I look forward to helping you!

The post 15 Ways to Raise Your Vibration appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

One of the first ideas I learned in law school was “the reasonable third person,” a legal fiction created to help figure out if someone has acted unreasonably. There’s no clear-cut definition, so I spent a lot of energy arguing what a reasonable person would do. This hypothetical person haunted my law school exams, and later, my career.

But I realized the reasonable third person could teach me something beyond the courtroom. I could apply that perspective to ease anxiety in my own life.

At my law firm, I was so busy that I could barely make meetings in time. It would always be a mad scramble to get everything ready. The senior lawyer would always be annoyed and stressed, and the partner would barely acknowledge my presence.

I’d have too much coffee and be nervous. I’d try to be casual, but I’d either fidget too much or sit too still, trying not to attract attention. I was always so nervous I’d get asked a question and not know what to say.

Mostly, I just sat silently in meetings. Occasionally I’d make a comment, but I’m sure no one noticed because I was so unhelpful. I always felt like an idiot.

Then I realized how personal and subjective my interpretation was. By changing my perspective, I could compose a new, more useful narrative of events. My interpretation—my thinking—could relieve my distress.

I felt like I was always running late, but I made it to meetings, didn’t I? So “I could barely make meetings in time” became “he arrived in time for the meeting to start.”

“I’d always have too much coffee and be nervous” became “Joseph drank coffee.” “I’m sure no one noticed because I was so unhelpful” became “he was pretty quiet during the meeting.”

This narrative removed the self-centered thinking. It focused on what actually happened, not what I felt about what happened.

Afterward, I was less overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. I had a broader perspective, like that of a third party. My feelings weren’t bound so tightly to events.

Third Person Thinking

I began to call this third person thinking. It’s the idea of observing your experience from a distance instead of identifying with how you felt about it. I could rise above my own viewpoint of an event.

It’s like the judge deciding whether someone acted like a reasonable person under the circumstances. It’s irrelevant what they subjectively experienced. Focusing on the cold hard facts might overlook the emotional impact of events, but it also allows you to change that emotional impact.

Okay, so this sounds nice in the abstract, but does it actually work? Researchers have examined this skill (called “self-distancing” in the study) in situations that provoke anxiety or anger in real life, like public speaking. The results are encouraging: The studies presented clear improvements from third person thinking.


Third person thinking improves your reaction to a stressful event. You’ll feel less pain, anxiety, and “maladaptive post-event processing,” in the unwieldy language of the studies. Post-event processing—your perspective on what happened—improves, becoming more useful.

You’ll also better manage future situations, as you can “appraise future stressors in more challenging and less threatening terms.” Translation: You’ll feel less worried about stuff that usually worries you.

Third person thinking also improves performance during the event itself. Study participants with social anxiety gave better public speaking performances when they engaged in self-distancing. Athletes also perform better when they engage when they manage their self-talk in the same way.

The theory looks good. But are we just fooling ourselves? After all, the objective situation hasn’t changed.

Maybe it seems that way, like trying to convince yourself you’re happy when you feel like crying. But what you think affects how you act and feel. It’s a cycle. Each stage—thoughts, feelings, actions—affects the others.

Thinking Like a Third Person

So, how do you actually do it?

First, consciously observe how you’re talking to yourself. What are you telling yourself—are you saying, “I really screwed that up,” or “I’m sure I sounded like an idiot just then”? Just slowing down like this breaks the automatic chain of reaction, preventing a cascade of emotional reflexes.

Second, write it down. This forces you to slow down even further. It makes the distancing more real, and it’s important to create that muscle memory of practice, just like meditation.

Third, replace personal pronouns like “I” and “me” with third person pronouns in the story you’re telling yourself. Use your name. “I had to give a speech” becomes “Joseph gave a speech” and “she spoke for ten minutes.”

Finally, focus on the events themselves, not the narrative you tell yourself about them. You might be biased to focus on your inner monologue. But try to keep your assessment objective: not “I did a terrible job and I’m about to get fired” but “Her boss told her to redo one section of the assignment.”


First, make sure you’re being friendly to yourself. Third person thinking isn’t going to do much good if you’re still judging yourself but camouflaging that judgment by changing a few words. Instead, talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a friend who went through the same situation.

At the same time, stay objective. A true friend is supportive but honest; you know your friend will tell you the truth. Being kind, but objective, is the most supportive thing you can do.

Second, third person thinking isn’t about avoidance. Don’t use it to withdraw from how you feel or what you think. You’re still engaging with the event, only from a healthier place.

Finally, just do it. For me, third party thinking felt (very) silly at first. It was also difficult because I was so used to being wrapped up in the events around me.

But just try it out. There’s really nothing to lose, and it just might help you feel calmer and less overpowered by what occurs in your life. It certainly did for me.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

 If you want to find out where your life is heading and when events will start to turn back around, reach out directly to any one of our trusted psychic advisors today.

The post The Power of Perspective: A Simple Way to Ease Anxiety appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

The only thing worse than not listening to someone is pretending to listen.

Giving the vague murmur of agreement, or a quick nod to communicate “Yes, I’m listening, totally,” when really, we’re not.

I remember vividly a dinner I had with friends about four years ago. I’d been backpacking in New Zealand for twelve months and had just returned to the UK. Traveling in the car to my friend’s house, I imagined how the night would look…

There would be lots of laughter (it was always side-splitting when we all got together).

There would be lots of hugging (I hadn’t seen them for a whole year after all)!

There would be lots of storytelling (I would get to share my epic adventure).

Did all of this happen? To some extent, yes, but not how I had imagined.

In fact, I left feeling a little miffed, a little gutted.

At first, I couldn’t work out why.

My friends were the same old fun-to-be-around people.

Despite ‘finding myself’ while traveling (I joke), I felt I was pretty much the same old person.

So what was different?

It hit me.

The constant. Mobile. Phones.

The entire evening was tainted by endless selfies, videos, status updates, incoming phone calls, outgoing phone calls, and notifications.

Distraction, after distraction, after distraction.

There were moments you could have heard a pin drop as the four of us, faces illuminated by the glow of the mobile phones, sat, hands glued to our devices. Ironically, telling anyone who was on Facebook and Instagram that night what a terrific time we were having.

To begin with, I was angry with my friends. But sooner I realized I was really angry with myself. I was equally guilty, and people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones after all.

What could have been, rather, what should have been, an evening of being deeply present with one another, each one of us offering our full and undivided attention, was tainted by technology, spoiled by social media, marred by meddling mobiles.

Backpacking was more campfires and deep life conversations below the stars, so this evening was felt like a return to reality. Most of us struggle to put our flipping phones down.

If we stop and think about it, what message does it send to the human beings in front of us when we are busy on our phones?

I made a vow that evening to get better at this, to be more present with friends and family, anyone I’m communicating with.

I didn’t want to make anyone feel how I felt that evening—unheard and unimportant.

Zoom forward to today and, well, I’m much better but far from perfect.

Technology certainly is a huge barrier to presence, but it’s not the main culprit.

The main culprit lives between our ears, the mind.

The mind is a lot like a talking alarm clock, and you have no control over when it goes off and what it will say.

For example, I can be sitting face to face with someone, physically a few centimeters in distance, but consciously, a world away.

Instead of listening to what the person sitting across from us is saying, we listen to our thoughts.

Hey, did I leave the oven on this morning when I left the house?

I hope my breath doesn’t stink.

Why is that stranger in the corner laughing—is my underwear tucking into my shirt?

Or literally, anything else. Anything. Any other thought can pop up at any moment, pulling my focus momentarily away from the person in front of me.

Luckily for us, people can’t always be certain when we’re not being fully present with them, especially if we’re an expert fake listener, able to give a very convincing response like “Yeah, sure, I get you.” Occasionally, I sense that the person I’m talking to senses I haven’t been listening. I feel bad and forgive myself for being human, before returning to the conversation.

On the other hand, when someone is really listening to us, fully present with us in the moment, we can be certain. Without a doubt, because we feel it.

It’s tough to put such moments into words, but you just know.

Moments when we’re fully present with someone and it’s reciprocated, it’s like magic, like the rest of the world fades into the background. Like the first time you fall in love and you just feel connected; you feel the dance of communication, the resonating, the synchronicity, the oneness.

That’s it. This, for me, is what presence is all about. The oneness.

A few of my favorite ways to get present and cultivate oneness are:

Eye contact

The eyes truly are the windows to the soul. Giving eye contact really lets people know they’re being heard.

Listening to understand instead of listening to respond

We’re stuck in our heads if we’re listening purely to plan our response. Tuning into a person’s words and also how they say the words has greatly helped me to connect with people.

Limiting distractions.

Technology, off. The world can wait.

Remember the good old days when only landline phones existed and if you weren’t at home people would leave a message and patiently wait for a response? Bliss. Nowadays, we’re available on mobile, Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Snapchat, email… the list goes on. Flight mode is my friend. Anytime I want to get present, flight mode is activated.

Facial expressions.

When I really listen to someone, I find I empathize with them so much more. Naturally my facial expressions will reflect this, communicating I understand how they’re feeling. We all wish to feel understood.

In a few weeks’ time, I’ll be flying back to the UK to spend time with my family. In fact, this will be the first Christmas in six years we’ll all be together (my dear parents, older sister, younger brother, and me).

A part of me is sad knowing that around the world, there will be families sitting in their living rooms, surrounded by their nearest and dearest, but not really being there.

Distracted either by their own minds, their mobiles, or maybe their new presents.

It doesn’t have to be like this. Board games can be played and conversations can be had, with presence, together.

In truth, we needn’t wait until the holidays to connect in this way, as any moment, any conversation, offers a chance to be present with each other. But the holidays, for me, really are prime opportunities.

To be surrounded by the ones we love most and be with them more than just physically, but emotionally and spirituality too, well, this is worth more than any gift you’ll give or receive this year. This holiday season, give presence.

About Will Aylward

Will Aylward lives to help others and spends his days coaching people to become more confident in themselves and their ability. Will’s loves are travel, drinking good coffee, turning strangers into friends, and making music. Will lives in Germany with his partner (in crime), Yvonne. Visit him at willaylward.com.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

Are you constantly on your phone? Are you always distracted and not present? Are your relationships suffering? If so, reach out directly to any one of our talented psychic advisors today. They can help you reconnect with your loved ones and provide you with the insight needed to turn things around right away.

The post Put Down Your Phone: Why Presence Is the Best Gift You’ll Ever Give appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brené Brown

I can’t remember exactly what it was she was trying to convince me I could do, but I had an argument to counter every bit of encouragement. There was no shortage to the ways I believed I wasn’t good enough.

She was trying to help me see myself the way she saw me—as someone smart, capable, and full of potential. I wasn’t buying it.

I’d been pretending for so long to be a better person than I really believed myself to be. I thought any positive thing another person said about me was just an indication that she was fooled by my illusion. If she could see who I really was, she’d change her mind about me.

I was tired of trying to convince her that I wasn’t actually as good as I’d been pretending to be. In desperation I finally asked the question I thought would end the conversation. Tears streamed down my face and the muscles in my chest squeezed so tightly that I could hardly choke out the words, “Do you have any idea how much I hate myself?”

“Yes,” she said, “I do.”

I was taken aback. I guess I’d expected my revelation to shock her. Apparently I hadn’t been hiding my self-loathing as well as I’d thought.

Part of me was relieved to know that maybe someone did actually see how much I was hurting. At the same time, I was terrified to discover that anyone could see more of me than I chose to reveal. I didn’t trust that she, or anyone else, could ever really understand.

Looking back, I think she did understand more than I originally gave her credit for. She may not have known exactly what I was feeling, but she knew what it was to hate oneself. She’d hated herself too.

While I was filled with self-loathing, my life was focused on keeping others from seeing who I really was. I didn’t like myself and couldn’t see how it was possible for anyone else to like me either. I hid while pretending to be someone I hoped was more loveable.

I chased after accomplishments to prove to myself and to others that I was worthy of love, but it was never enough. I couldn’t do or be all the things I thought were expected of me. There was always something more to prove.

For years I thought life would always be that way, but recently I was surprised to realize that I don’t hate myself anymore. Of course, there are still plenty of things about myself I wish were different, but my self-loathing is being replaced by acceptance.

I didn’t set out specifically to learn how to stop hating myself—I didn’t think that was possible. Instead, I was searching for direction in terms of a career. I was wondering how to make friends.

I read books and articles, listened to podcasts, and even worked with a life coach with the hope of making myself better. There wasn’t a particular experience or single idea that made the difference. What I found is an array of small practices and simple concepts that are helping me learn to embrace who I am.

The shift has been gradual enough that I didn’t notice how much I’d changed until I relived the memory of that old conversation. I’m no longer paralyzed by the belief that no matter what I do I’ll never be worthy of love. I’m slowly learning to trust and value myself for who I am, even as I acknowledge that there’s always room for growth.

1. Allowing myself to be a work in progress

I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to always know what I’m doing and never make mistakes. I’ve missed opportunities to try something new because I was so afraid of looking silly. I’ve given up on things I want to do because I couldn’t do them as well as I thought I should.

Being a beginner is just plain uncomfortable, but we all have to start somewhere. I’m learning that my value doesn’t come from getting everything right the first time. Instead, it’s the mistakes and failures and trying again that help me learn and grow.

I can be proud of myself for being willing to practice again and again. It’s the baby steps, tiny changes, and consistent willingness to try again that develop the qualities I hope to embody.

2. Being curious about who I am

For much of my life, I defined myself by the ways I didn’t measure up to the person I thought others expected me to be. I didn’t know who I was—only who I was not.

I’ve started shifting my questions. Instead of wondering why I don’t care about what’s supposed to matter to me, I’m discovering what does matter to me. Instead of looking to others for clues about what I should think, I’m asking myself what I actually think.

I’m learning that being different from someone else doesn’t necessarily mean one of us is wrong. Recognizing that there’s more than one right way to be is freeing me to start exploring my own strengths, personality, values, and preferences.

3. Letting go of what I can’t control

I’ve fallen into the trap of believing that if I could just do and say all the right things, then people would like me. I’ve made it my responsibility to try to make sure the people around me are always happy. That’s a lot of pressure.

The thing is, I can’t control what others think of me or how they experience life. I can only be responsible for my own actions and intentions. I’m learning to focus more of my time and energy on living in a way that reflects my personal values instead of trying to control other people’s perceptions.

4. Doing things that scare me

A lot of things scare me. I’ve let my fear hold me back from many things I want to do. I’ve hated myself for being a coward.

I’m learning that bravery isn’t the absence of fear. Courage isn’t something a person either has or doesn’t. Fear doesn’t just go away if we wait long enough.

I’d always wanted to waterski, but was afraid of looking silly or getting hurt. I did take a few tumbles while I was learning. To be honest, I still get nervous every time I get behind a boat, but now I’m also anticipating the fun of skimming across the water.

I want to have deep friendships, but inviting an acquaintance to get together for coffee or introducing myself to someone I admire online feels vulnerable. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I say the wrong thing? The thing is, I don’t always click with everyone I talk to, but through taking the risk to reach out I’ve met some wonderful friends.

Every time I do something that scares me, I build trust that I’m capable of doing more than I previously believed possible and that a failure isn’t the end. I’m learning to work with my fear instead of letting it define me.

5. Chatting with my inner critic

My inner critic can be incessant and quite mean. For the longest time I believed everything she said about me and accepted the way she talked to me.

Then I started paying attention to what I was actually saying about myself. What if some of the awful things I believed about myself weren’t actually true? How might my life be different if I talked to myself with encouragement instead of criticism?

One of my favorite ways to question the critical thoughts inside my head and translate them into more helpful language is to write out a dialogue with my inner critic in my journal. In these back and forth conversations, I can uncover what my inner critic is trying to accomplish by being so mean.

As counterintuitive as it seems, often she’s actually trying to protect me. She tells me I’m awkward and annoying in hopes that I’ll be careful to only say things that are sure to win approval…or even better, that I’ll stay home where there’s no risk of being rejected. She tries to discourage me from sharing my writing anywhere it might be criticized by warning me I’ll never measure up to all the other amazing writers out there.

When I take the time to understand the motivations beyond my inner critic’s harsh words, I can decide for myself which risks I’m willing to take instead of just believing I’m not good enough. I can also start shifting how I talk to myself by asking her to rephrase her concerns in a kinder way.

6. Asking myself what I think

I have a tendency to try to figure out what other people think before deciding what I’ll do or think or say. I’ve made a lot of decisions based on what I believe other people think I should do. When those decisions aren’t a good fit for me, I’m quick to assume it’s an indication that there’s something wrong with me.

I’m learning that I can consider other people’s opinions without denying my own. Disagreeing doesn’t have to mean I’m wrong. When I take the time to ask myself what I think, I get to know myself better, reinforce my trust in my own value, and choose a life that’s right for me.

7. Feeling all my emotions

I used to think certain emotions were wrong to feel. I didn’t believe I had a right to feel angry or sad or hurt. There was always someone who had it worse than me.

I tried to suppress my feelings, but they’d get stuck inside and lash out in unexpected ways. I hated myself for not being able to control how I felt.

But there is no quota on feelings. Feeling my emotions doesn’t take away from anyone else’s experience. On the contrary, it increases my compassion for others.

How I feel doesn’t make me good or bad, but it does give me information about what’s going on inside me. I’m getting curious about what is behind the emotions I’m feeling instead of criticizing myself for feeling them. It’s not my job to control how I feel, it’s my job to choose my response to those feelings.

8. Making space for fun and joy

I used to feel guilty when I took time for anything fun. I didn’t think I deserved it. Hard work and sacrifice were the only truly noble uses of time.

These days I intentionally make space in my schedule to do the things I really enjoy—sewing, experimenting with art supplies, walking in nature. Not only does having fun energize me, it also reminds me that I’m worthy of care. I’m learning so much about myself and how I can create more beauty and connection in this world.

9. Sharing vulnerably with another person

Self-hatred prompted me to hide from others. I tried to only show a version of myself that I thought would be accepted. I was terrified I’d be rejected and alone if people knew the truth about me.

It’s hard to let another person see my fears, disappointments, and hopes. I don’t want anyone to know I make mistakes. It’s painful enough to hate myself—I couldn’t bear the thought of other people hating me too.

But it’s actually when I’m willing to share my vulnerable parts with another person that I’m reminded I’m not alone. We all have struggles. I can choose to hide mine or give another person an opportunity to support me.

10. Asking others how they see me

I have a tendency to assume I know what others think of me…and I tend to assume it’s bad. Making these assumptions keeps me from knowing the truth about how others actually see me. It also denies the support and encouragement they try to give me.

One of the scariest exercises I’ve done is asking people close to me to share what our relationship means to them, what they see as my strengths, and what qualities they like about me. It feels so presumptuous to ask another person to say something nice about me. What if they think I’m arrogant? What if they can’t think of anything positive to say?

And yet, in taking that risk, I get a glimpse of myself from another perspective. Sometimes I get stuck filtering my view of myself through all the ways I believe I’m not good enough. I need someone else to point out the parts of myself I just can’t see.

11. Compiling evidence

I still often default to focusing on the ways I don’t measure up. Sometimes I need a reminder of the best parts of who I am. I’m continually working to develop a habit of noticing the qualities I value instead of just looking for things to criticize.

I journal most days and I reserve the last three lines of the page for a set of small lists. I look back over the previous day and list what I am grateful for, evidence that I am loved, and ways that I am good enough. Each day these lists help me practice looking for my worth instead of just all the ways I fall short.

When I’m feeling low, it’s hard to remember the good things about myself. I keep a small notebook where I record compliments and positive comments others make about me, as well as the things I’m learning to value about myself. I turn back to this notebook when my opinion of myself could use a boost.

We don’t have to wallow in self-hatred, but leaping straight to self-love can feel impossible. Instead, we can make small shifts and adopt simple practices to help us learn to accept and value who we are right now, even as we continue to change and grow.

Will you join me? Choose one idea or practice to try this week. Remember, you’re allowed to be a work in progress!

I’d love to hear how it goes. What are your biggest obstacles to self-acceptance? What has helped you learn to appreciate who you are instead of beating yourself up for something you’re not? Let me know in the comments!

About Johanna Schram

Johanna Schram is learning to value wrestling with the questions over having all the answers. She’s sifting through the internal and external expectations of who she is supposed to be to discover who she really is, what she values, and what she has to give. Join her at joRuth and deepen your self-knowledge with her free guides.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

Are you filled with self loathing? Do you constantly wallow in self hatred? If you need to talk to someone about your strengths and how to tap into them, reach out directly to any one of our talented advisors and get the insight you need to ensure a better tomorrow, today. 

The post Accept and Value Yourself: 11 Ways to Embrace Who You Are appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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By Holly L. Pender

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault

Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal to me. It always felt commercialized, so forced. I’ve never felt I needed Hallmark to remind me to do something special for my husband, or vice versa.

This certainly isn’t a reflection of how we felt about, treated, or appreciated one another; it just wasn’t a priority to us.

In our more than seventeen years together, some years I would receive a card, flowers, or chocolates, but other years it would pass by like any other day. I’ll admit on a couple of those occasions I felt a little hurt, even slightly unappreciated.

In November 2009 my husband Bill was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia. It was a total shock, as cancer always is. Breaking the news to our three children was almost as devastating as the diagnosis itself.

Bill was a very involved father, never missing a special event or game. He coached our ten-year-old son’s hockey team at the time. His life was his family.

While Bill had a very successful and demanding career as an electrical engineer, he always put us first. Sometimes that meant staying up until 3am to do work, just so he could make it to our daughter’s soccer game.

After Bill was admitted to hospital, his concerns were still about the kids and me. He was actually worried that I had to put out the garbage myself and shovel the driveway. He liked taking care of things like that. He was always trying to make things easier for me.

During Bill’s time in hospital we did a lot of reminiscing. We laughed, we cried—more laughing than crying. Bill and I shared an unusual sense of humor, sometimes making light of things that weren’t funny. It was our little way of coping.

Life with three kids is busy, especially without any family nearby. Couple time was hard to come by, and as sad as our situation was, it gave us a chance to reconnect.

Bill began an intense four-week cycle of chemotherapy. The first cycle would prove to be unsuccessful, and a second cycle was also a failure.

On New Year’s Eve, Bill’s hematologist told us things didn’t look good. The doctors said they could make one more attempt at a very risky, experimental treatment. We decided to go ahead with the treatment, despite the risks.

A few weeks later Bill developed fungal pneumonia, a very dangerous situation for someone with a compromised immune system. On February 13, Bill’s doctor asked to speak with me privately. I was told he was dying, maybe only having a week or so left.

I was heartbroken and devastated. What was worse, he didn’t know. We decided it was best not to tell him since he was already so sick.

I spent that night at his bedside, and the following day he deteriorated quite quickly. He was struggling to speak and breathe. The medical team increased his medication to make him as comfortable as possible.

Bill remained in and out of sleep that day. He briefly woke up and asked me, “Am I going home tonight?” I said,  “No, not tonight honey.” He responded, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I went home tonight?”

I told him I loved him, and he whispered the same. I spent the rest of the night holding his hand while he slept. Then it hit me: it was Valentine’s Day. The realization brought me to tears, tears I had been fighting back for weeks.

I didn’t give a damn about roses, chocolates, or jewelry. I just wanted my husband to live. He was only forty years old and I was thirty-seven. We had so many things we wanted to do together as a family and a couple, so many dreams for our future.

I didn’t sleep a wink that night; I just held his hand and prayed. The next afternoon while standing at Bill’s bedside, I placed my hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. Moments later it stopped. He was gone.

It hasn’t been an easy seven years since Bill’s passing, but I am grateful we had the opportunity to say what we needed to say and have a real understanding of how much we truly appreciated each other.

Now when Valentines Day rolls around, it’s a reminder of how life’s tender moments have the most impact on us.

It’s the feeling of contentment that I miss most. I had no idea what an underrated emotional state it really is. We don’t need a dozen roses once a year to make us feel loved. It’s the little, everyday things that give us that feeling… even taking out the garbage.

About Holly L. Pender

Holly L. Pender is a proud mom of three, who became an only parent after losing her husband in 2010. Born and raised in St. John’s, Newfoundland, she has lived in Ottawa, Ontario since 1995. She strives to live in the moment and uses humor to get through life.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

Is your relationship starting to feel flat or have things changed between the two of you? Are little things in life not bringing you both joy as it should? If so, reach out directly to any one of our talented psychic advisors today. They can look deep into your connection and provide you with the insight needed to turn things around right away.

The post Love Is In the Little Things appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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By Angela Lois

“Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime. However long it was, be thankful for the gifts you received from them.” ~Unknown

When I first met him, we instantly clicked. We became fast friends aided by the fact that I was dealing with my father’s death and he was by my side whenever I needed someone. He was empathetic, easy to talk to, and very open. I related to him immediately.

Early on, it became clear to me that while we were friends, we would not make a good romantic pair. We had extremely opposing political views and philosophies on life, as well as different communication styles.

For example, in the beginning we would get in arguments about religion. I consider myself spiritual, but I am not very religious. He would constantly try to get me to have religious conversations with him. From my point of view, it felt as if he was trying to push his beliefs on me. It was exhausting. I didn’t feel respected or heard in my spiritual journey.

I also felt like he was a different person, depending on what group he was with, which made me uneasy. I try to be authentically me wherever I am, and I love who I am. As he shifted personalities, it was very confusing to me. It made me wonder, “Who are you really?”

My friends shook their heads, telling me he wasn’t good for me. “Angela, he is too judgmental,” they’d say. “I just feel like there is something very off about him; he makes me nervous.”

As I got to know him better I suspected that one reason for his behavior was that he had previously been involved in an extremely toxic relationship. In fact, it was so dysfunctional that law enforcement got involved.

It made me ponder, “Do I really want to be with someone who attracts this kind of relationship into their life?” But I stuck by him during that time because he had been so present in my life when my father passed. I believed he deserved the same thing from me.

On the day he kissed me, things started to get fuzzy. When we were alone, things felt very relationship-y. However, when were in our regular environment, we acted like best friends. I told myself that I could balance the division, but I couldn’t.

I started to shove the multitude of reasons we shouldn’t be together under the rug, only to take them out occasionally to shame myself for wanting to be with him.

As the months passed by and our weird relationship continued, I realized I was starting to have authentic feelings for him. I was wearing rose-colored glasses and only saw the good parts of him, but I still didn’t feel right about the nature of our relationship.

One morning it finally hit me. I’d had a dream that he slapped me across the face. In the dream, I was sobbing, begging him for forgiveness as I held my hand over my black eye. I woke up crying because the dream felt so real. While in “real” life he had never physically hurt me, I realized I was feeling disrespected emotionally by him and myself. I knew I had to make a change.

I broke things off with him about a week after that. It was beyond difficult. He was mature about it and apologized for his part in the ordeal, but it was not the route I wanted to go. So many parts of me wanted to go on acting like nothing was wrong, but my heart knew that it wasn’t a path I could travel any longer.

While loving someone “who is not right for you” can be painful, you can also find some amazing lessons. Love isn’t always meant to stay forever. Sometimes it only stays for a season, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful or valuable. Here’s what I learned from my relationship.

1. Sometimes even when we know something won’t necessarily end well, we still have to go through it.

When we took our relationship to the next level, I knew in my gut that this was likely not going end in a happy way. I would never change to be the agreeable, conservatively Christian girl he wanted to date and eventually marry. My mentor told me. My sister told me. My friends told me. But, I still wanted to go through it. Why do we this?

I remember talking to a therapist a few years ago about this phenomenon. She said, “Honey, we aren’t here on this earth to rise above life. We are here to walk through the mud. The magic is in the mess.” We learn our lessons by going through intense life experiences, not by skipping through them.

2. We need to release the shame.

This goes along with lesson one. Shame is such a tricky emotion, and one I wrestle with daily. I felt so much shame for having feelings for someone I knew in my heart was not the best person for me. I would beat myself up constantly. I realized that if I wanted to move on I had to stop putting myself down. Shame was keeping me stuck.

To release the shame, I would talk to myself like I would talk to my best friend. My best friend went through a similar situation this past summer and I always told her, “Honey, I don’t know if this is going to end well and this doesn’t look healthy. However, if this is what you need to go through for your growth, I will be here to hold your hand and catch you when you fall.”

After she moved on from the situation, she told me how much this meant to her. “You were the only friend who didn’t judge me. You acknowledged my journey. It helped me move on a lot faster to have someone accept me exactly where I was.”

In this case, I needed to be my best friend. I wish that in the past, I would have metaphorically taken my own hand and told myself that I would be there for myself through the mess. I needed to do that for me.

3. Giving and receiving love are natural human needs.

I realized that part of the reason I’d chosen to be with this man was that I wanted to give and receive love. That’s a beautiful thing. I love loving people romantically. It feels great, and when it was just us, living in the present moment, it was a beautiful experience.

On the flip side, I do believe it’s important that give your love to someone who can receive it with a pure intention. I recently saw a quote by Lisa Chase Patterson, “I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be.” I wholeheartedly agree with Lisa, but I believe it goes deeper. Don’t give your heart romantically to someone you don’t want to be.

4. Acknowledge the dark parts in yourself and love them.

I have been involved in mindfulness studies since I was sixteen. I hold myself to a high standard and want to be an example of a mindful being, but I am still human.

There are still parts of me that seek love out of neediness and wanting to be accepted. There are parts of me that are attracted to fixing people and feeling in control. While I have worked through a lot of pain and trauma in my life, there’s also still this little girl inside of me who wants everyone’s approval. These are parts of myself that I work on daily, but I have to be patient with myself.

Lots of times we attach to beliefs about ourselves at a very young age and we have to peel them away layer by layer. It can take a long time. Patience is required. However, I think this process is what makes it beautiful. Life is not a race; it’s a journey.

While this love story will not end in a relationship status update on Facebook or a proposal, it ended with some beautiful memories and some even more extraordinary lessons. I realized I don’t regret our kisses. I don’t regret sharing my secrets with him. And I especially don’t regret loving him. Instead, I choose to be grateful for how the relationship helped me grow.

Angela Lois is a twenty-one-year-old musician, writer, and self-growth enthusiast. She is extremely passionate about mental health and mindfulness and dreams of turning her passion into career that allows for growing and healing of individuals from all different areas of life. Angela plans to start her mindfulness blog, Touching Heaven before the year is over. Email her at dancingviola2@gmail to connect!

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

Did you recently end a relationship? Are you still upset about it and have many questions about your time with this person? If so, reach out directly to any one of our talented advisors and get the insight you need to ensure a better tomorrow, today. 

The post What I Learned from Loving the “Wrong Person” and Why I Don’t Regret It appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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By Michelle Meadows

“The only way to be truly happy is to get your mind off yourself and help somebody else.” ~Joyce Meyer

A couple of years ago, I was dealing with two major life changes at the same time.

The first change was that my husband and I moved from Maryland to Delaware after our son finished high school. And though the distance wasn’t far (about a three-hour drive from my parents’ house in Washington, D.C.), I had grown up in D.C. and this marked the first time I had ever moved away from that area.

The second change was that our son was heading off to college and I would have to learn to navigate life without him being physically with me.

I remember a time when he was in first grade and I was so busy dealing with work that I forgot to pack his lunch. When I picked him up from school, he climbed into the backseat and said, “You forgot to send my lunch today.” And while other kids who had paid for lunch got hot dogs, my son told me he didn’t get one.

I immediately burst into tears from guilt and the thought of him being hungry all day. He said, “Mom! It’s okay. There will be other hot dogs!” And he was right. It certainly wasn’t the end of the world, but I sometimes think of that incident because it sums up how much I want to protect him from everything that could go wrong.

In the midst of these life changes, my anxiety levels were at an all-time high. Every morning I woke up with a racing heart and an overwhelming sense of losing control. I was getting used to living in a small town, faced with making new friends, and missing our son all at the same time.

Then one day, I heard Joyce Meyer say something that helped me put things in perspective and propelled me to take charge of my life in a way that I had never done before. The simple advice: Get your mind off yourself and start focusing on others, and see how that makes you feel.

I was willing to try it. And sure enough, it didn’t take long before I began waking up feeling calm and refreshed.

The heart palpitations subsided, and I embarked on a path of acceptance—acceptance that change is a natural part of life, that we raise kids to be independent and go off on their own, which meant it was okay that I had moved away from my hometown and it was also okay that my son was leaving for college.

I also accepted the fact that I’m not supposed to be in control of everything in the universe anyway. What a relief!

Here are four tips that worked for me.

Tip #1: Spend time with children.

One of the first things I did was sign up to help kids with reading and other homework at the Boys & Girls Club in our area—one afternoon a week after I finished work.

I looked forward to it because it was energizing to see the kids make progress with their reading skills over time. Kids also are masters at living in the present moment. One minute, kids argue and the next minute they share cookies. Adults need more of that forgiving spirit.

And the laughter—kids laugh and laugh with wild abandon. Their antics always brought me joy, and I hadn’t laughed that hard in a long time. I admired their ability to play, let loose, and have fun.

Tip #2: Accept a new challenge.

When a friend invited me to join her in leading the kids at church in song and dance for Vacation Bible School, I wasn’t so sure at first. Could my brain even learn the material? But I decided to take on the challenge and worked hard at learning the words, hand motions, and dance moves for five songs.

We were charged with demonstrating the songs during the week of Vacation Bible School so that the kids could follow along. This meant lots or preparation beforehand—watching videos and practicing dance steps over and over.

If I slid into worrying about my son or other negative thoughts, I could pull up a video, practice a song, and fill my brain with inspirational messages. And I surprised myself because I did learn. Then when Vacation Bible School rolled around, it was so inspiring to see all the kids’ excitement at learning all the songs and dance moves.

Tip #3: Volunteer for a cause that’s close to your heart.

One day I came across a newspaper article about a beach home in my area that serves as a place where families dealing with cancer can have a place of respite and enjoy family fun time. It’s meant to be a place of joy and peace at the beach, and it truly is.

I think it especially caught my attention because the family that launched the beach home did so in honor of their son, who died of a brain tumor while he was in college. During his illness, he had been happy to have the beach as an escape, and his family wanted to pass on that feeling to others.

There is a great group of volunteers who take turns greeting the families when they come to stay at the beach for a week. I was immediately drawn in to this wonderful cause and joined the effort.

Tip #4: Join a group class.

I have always loved ballet and took classes as a child. So when I signed up for an adult ballet class near my home, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. What I found was pure joy as I met each week in the studio with other women and danced all my worries away as we moved along to fabulous music.

Nobody cared how high you could lift your leg. It was all about moving and having fun. There’s something about a group class that heightens your awareness of others around you. We all had the same goals and tried to stay in step with the music. We even had recitals where we performed in small groups for an audience. We all worked together so that the group could succeed. And for an added bonus, I met some of my best friends in that class.

I’ve learned that getting my mind off myself frees me to not only pay more attention to the needs of others, but also to take action to connect with them and help them. Less time dwelling on my fears means more time practicing compassion and making a difference. I believe that’s what a positive, meaningful life is all about.

Michelle Meadows lives in coastal Delaware and is the author of several children’s books, including Hibernation StationPiggies in Pajamas, and Traffic Pups. She blogs about her favorite books on her Short & Snappy Happy Book Blog. Michelle graduated from Syracuse University with a degree in magazine journalism.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

If life situations have created stress, get the peace of mind and answers you need today by reaching out to any one of our talented spiritual advisors. They can look into all of your situations and not only tell you what’s to come; they can also provide you with solutions to ensure a smoother road ahead. 

The post 4 Ways to Get Your Mind Off Yourself and Replace Worry with Joy appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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By Laura Tong

“Be there. Be open. Be honest. Be kind. Be willing to listen, understand, accept, support, and forgive. This is what it means to love.” ~Lori Deschene

They say your heart pounds when you’re in love.

But the very idea of opening up and letting love in can bring on the wrong kind of palpitations.

Saying yes to love… that’s like standing naked, bare naked, every inch of you on show.

Completely vulnerable.

Or so I thought.

My Impregnable Force Field

 “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” ~Bertrand Russell

You see, I was called a few different things growing up. People said I was reserved, quiet, or shy.

But in truth I was just scared to let anyone in. I felt I needed an impregnable forcefield. To stay safe. To be in control.

And I needed space. Lots of it.

Getting close to people, close enough to fall in love, well, that felt way too intense and personal for me back then.

We didn’t do love in my family growing up. It was busy, busy, busy in our house. Everything was about practicality, working super hard, and getting things done. And done well.

Adults rarely showed affection with each other—something about it being inappropriate in public, my brain remembers. We were taught not to talk about personal things. Life felt secretive and awkward.

As an adult, I ached to be loved. It hurt to be so alone.

It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t really know how to love. And yet, it’s supposed to be an innate trait. Even newborn babies demonstrate the instinct to love, and the need to receive love back.

But in all my years growing up, love and affection felt awkward, foreign. Love seemed equally dangerous and mysterious at the same time.

I learned to keep everything inside, and everyone outside.

In truth, life went wrong precisely because I acted that way. I ended up alone—no lifelong friends, no love in my life. I was lost. Every day felt like an uphill struggle.

And around me love bloomed, but for others, not for me.

Eventually I understood that unless I made some changes, I would never know the absolute security of another’s love. I would never hear someone telling me everything would be okay. That they’d be there for me, whatever life threw my way. And I’d never be able to be there for someone else.

I realized that I needed to start doing these nine things or I would never know what love is.

1. Be there.

Love doesn’t grow and flourish because you dress up or make yourself up. All it needs is for you to show up, to be fully present.

I used to believe soul mates were mythical creatures, as rare as unicorns, and that finding your soul mate was an honest to goodness miracle—one that happened to other people.

Not true.

Someone is ready to love you. They’re out there. And they’re looking for you right now. But you have to show up fully to connect with them.

In the past, I spent a lot of time caught up in my head, paralyzed by my fears and insecurities. When I was focusing all my energy on protecting myself, I wasn’t available to the people around me. You can’t love or be loved when you’re physically there but mentally somewhere else.

I now know that I need to focus more on the person in front of me than my worries, insecurities, and judgments. Love can only unfold when you get out of your head and get into your heart.

“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

2. Be open.

Love is a powerful force, but you can’t share it if your heart is closed.

I used to fear the slightest puncture in my protective force field. I worried that if I opened up even a little, it would be the end of me. Somehow staying closed felt like protection. If I let someone in, I couldn’t control what would happen. If I kept everyone out, nothing could go wrong.

But I learned that you don’t need to expose the deepest parts of yourself all at once to be open to love. You just need to let your defenses down long enough to let someone else in.

I started by sharing a little about myself—my opinions, my feelings, and my worries. A little at first, I tested others’ reactions to what I shared. But my confidence grew much more quickly than I expected. And you know, not holding back so hard or pretending turned out to be the biggest relief ever.

“The greatest asset you could own, is an open heart.” ~Nikki Rowe

3. Be honest.

Being truthful in love goes further than just not telling lies. It takes being the real you, the wonderfully imperfect you.

Pretending to be someone you’re not or disguising how you feel sends a worrying message to the person who loves you. Human beings have an inbuilt alarm when they sense someone isn’t telling them the whole truth.

I had an image of the ‘perfect me,’ and it didn’t include being vulnerable. So I lied about the true me in everything I said and did. I pretended that I didn’t worry, didn’t need help, and that I knew exactly where I was heading in life. Those lies alone alienated some amazingly wonderful and loving people who would have been life-long friends… if I’d let them.

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” ~James E. Faust

4. Be kind.

I wasn’t kind in the beginning. I was too insecure to let the little things go. A forgotten request felt like rejection. A different opinion felt like an argument. I was also too insecure to accept that it didn’t mean I was loved less.

For example, one night I’d plucked up the courage to sing in front of a crowd, a small one, but to me it felt like standing on the stage of Carnegie Hall. My significant other muddled the dates and double-booked himself.

I sang that night without his support from the crowd because he felt he couldn’t let down his double booking. At the time that felt like rejection, and I reacted harshly. In truth, the situation simply said “I know you’ll understand that I need to stand by my promise elsewhere; they need me more right now. I’ll be right next to you next time.” (And they were.)

Being kind in love means accepting that people can’t always meet your expectations, and giving the other person leeway in how they act and respond. It means looking after the other person’s heart even when you’re disappointed.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~Dalai Lama

5. Be willing to listen.

Love needs to be heard to flourish, that’s pretty obvious. But it took me years to figure out that it was as much my responsibility to listen as to talk.

Because love is a conversation, not a monologue.

In the beginning my head was too full of all the things I wanted to explain, my heart too full of all the emotions I wanted to express. And my mouth was too full of all the words I needed heard.

But I found that when I listened, I learned valuable insights into the other person each and every time. I heard their concerns, self-doubts, and their words of love. I was able to help, support, and feel the growing connection we had. They drew huge comfort from having been heard. Listening fully said “I love you” as clearly as the words themselves.

Like the night we left the movies, having watched School of Rock with Jack Black. It was supposed to be a comedy, a fun date. I laughed lots, but the other person had to sit through 106 minutes of their painful personal disappointment over not pursuing their dream career in music. I listened hard. I heard all their regret, their self-reproach.

And I learned a whole relationship’s worth of areas where I could be super-sensitive and supportive in the future.

Because you can’t speak the language of love until you learn to listen first.

“The first duty of love is to listen. ” ~Paul Tillich

6. Be willing to understand.

Being willing to listen is only half of learning the language of love. The other half is understanding what you hear.

And that means being open to a different perspective, even an opposite view.

At first that sounded like I needed to give up what I believed, to forever bow down on the way I saw things.

Not the case. It meant I needed to learn to see that there could also be an alternative, equally valid viewpoint.

Understanding in love goes beyond being aware and appreciative of the other person’s stance and beliefs. It takes consciously embracing that you’re one of two, and both your perspectives have a place. Love is big enough to handle different opinions and philosophies.

So the other person grew up in a different culture, for example. That works for them and the millions of people brought up the same. There must be something in it. Love means appreciating that.

I learned that speaking your mind doesn’t have to be rude or inflammatory, no matter how directly you say it. In some cultures it’s rude not to! And yet I’d been programed to never disagree or say the ‘wrong thing’ and instead to give the accepted, acquiescent response. Love taught me there’s another way—that it’s more important to be honest and truly understand each other than to simple appease each other.

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

7. Be willing to accept.

Love doesn’t have a complicated vocabulary. All it wants to hear is “That’s okay. I love you for who you are.” Accepting the other person for who they are, however, doesn’t guarantee love will flourish in a relationship. For that to have a chance of happening, you have to accept yourself for who you are as well.

To let love in, you need to believe you’re worthy of love, that you truly are enough for another’s heart to fall for.

You need to embrace your human-ness, your less than polished edges, and all your quirks—and theirs, too, in equal measure.

I had to learn that I didn’t need to be perfect. And I never could be. That I needed help sometimes. And doing my best was plenty.

I had to accept that about the other person too. I had to step back and see that no matter how large the mess or miscommunication, they’d gone into the situation dripping with good intentions and love.

That didn’t happen overnight. It took some time, some gritting of teeth initially, and a fair bit of biting my tongue. It felt hard to accept it all for a while, until I truly opened my arms to all their idiosyncrasies, blind spots, and contrary points of view. I would have let those beliefs go years before if I’d known how liberated I would feel when I did.

Accept that in a relationship you’re one of two wonderful, separate, yet intertwined individuals.

You can be the amazing you that you are, and they can be their wonderful self too.

 “The greatest gift you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” ~Brian Tracy

8. Be willing to support.

It’s hard to put the other person first when your own emotions are raging.

I spent years too caught up in the rawness of my own emotions to take into account anyone else’s. I was so busy struggling up my own mountain of troubles that I missed the other person struggling right alongside me.

We could have pulled each other up if I’d only reached across.

Support starts with looking out for signs the other one is struggling. It means putting your own battles on hold for a while.

I learned how to look beyond my thoughts and problems and truly be there for the other person, thank goodness. And our love deepened every time I did.

“Surround yourself with people who provide you with support and love and remember to give back as much as you can in return.” ~Karen Kain

9. Be willing to forgive.

Whenever there are two people involved, there are going to be mistakes and misunderstandings. That’s a given.

But the truth is, they are simply opportunities for love in disguise.

My anxious thoughts made me stress over small things for far too long. I’d analyze and imagine a whole scenario around what was a simple error or miscommunication. Like that confused discussion over weekend plans, when I worried that he saw what I’d suggested as dull, and his mix-up was a disguised attempt to avoid having to drag himself along.

A forgotten tiny promise felt like I didn’t matter. Like that planned cosy evening, just us and a relaxing dinner, that got steamrollered by him agreeing to watch the neighbors’ kids so that the parents could have a special evening instead.

That hurt.

Until I learned to forgive.

Forgiving says, “That mistake is tiny, our love is huge.”

And it says it just the same for what feels like a big mistake too. It says our love can weather this—really, it’s strong enough.

And more than that, every time you forgive the other person you’ll find the compassion to forgive yourself too.

“The reality is people mess up. Don’t let one mistake ruin a beautiful thing.” ~Unknown

This is what it means to love.

Imagine opening up your heart and allowing love in.

Imagine feeling more confident in who you are. Confident enough to be open, honest, and kind in a relationship. To be willing to listen, understand, accept, support, and forgive.

That impregnable force field that has kept you so alone for so long?

Throw it out.

And let love in.

Laura Tong is a regular contributor on The Huffington Post and other top blogs. Grab her free cheat sheet: 5 Guilt Free Ways To Say No Without Offending Anyone (Even If You Hate Conflict). Laura also hosts the Re-write The Rules In Your Life interview series where she shares awesome happiness and positivity tips from experts around the world. Click here to listen free to the latest episodes.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

If you are going through a tough time in your relationship or you are in a new relationship and need guidance, reach out to any one of our authentic psychic advisors and get the clarity you need, today.

The post What It Means to Love: 9 Steps to a Strong Relationship appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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By Lauren Madden

Sometimes we need to journey into the deepest, darkest, scariest, most painful places inside in order to reach the next level.

This is what happened to me earlier this year.

When I was younger, I was in an abusive relationship that created a lot of stories in my head. These stories became beliefs that I carried around for a long time. Beliefs like, “I’m not good enough,” “Relationships are painful,” “I don’t have a say,” “I need someone else to show me I’m worthy,” and “I need to be perfect to receive love” (just to name a few).

As a conscious adult, I’ve done a lot of healing work and spiritual development around this, and am proud of the growth I’ve experienced between where I was then and where I am now. But even still, I have setbacks. We all do.

None of us are immune to the fears and self-doubt that pop up when “life happens.” None of us are safe when the ground we’ve worked so hard to establish gets ripped out from us.

After lots of self-development and work around relationships and love, I recently declared to the Universe that I was no longer afraid of being alone and that I was no longer afraid of being vulnerable and my “true self” in a future relationship. So, the Universe delivered. Big time.

I met someone new. He wasn’t like the other men I’ve dated—men who are safe and stable, and who give me a sense of being in control of the situation. He was uncharted territory for me. Hard to read. Mysterious. Kept me guessing.

He would surprise me with nice gestures like showing up with sunflowers, sending me unexpected notes about how beautiful I am, you know… the works. Not to mention the sex. THE SEX! For the first time, possibly in my whole life, I felt really seen, appreciated, valued and truly beautiful while having sex. There was nothing awkward or uncomfortable or weird or threatening about it. I had met Mr. Perfect… or so I thought.

What I know now that I didn’t recognize then was that this guy was an assignment. The Universe heard me loud and clear when I announced that I was ready to be alone and/or in a vulnerable relationship (which is actually a very confusing declaration to make in the first place, so… no wonder stuff got weird!), and so I was sent this guy—let’s refer to him as Mr. Perfect from here on out—as a test.

Mr. Perfect was an opportunity for me to put into practice all of the things I had learned about myself over the past twenty-five years.

Let’s just say that I failed that test. Miserably.

After an all-out eight-day binge on this guy, we were both like a couple of strung-out addicts, totally manipulative and controlling and hopeless about our futures, but pretending everything was just groovy. We were practically playing house together when we hadn’t even known about the other’s existence just a month earlier.

Somewhere throughout the week with Mr. Perfect, my energy shifted. I went from this high-vibe, loving, independent, strong version of myself, to this weird, controlling, self-conscious, anxious, creepy version of me. I went from Jennifer Aniston status to that chick in Mean Girls who’s obsessed with Regina George way too quickly, and my old limiting beliefs started to take over.

Suddenly, I was operating from that old, abusive relationship version of me.

The version of me who thought that being vulnerable in a relationship meant getting hurt.

The version of me who thought that the guy needs to control everything, and that I am not safe to speak up about what I really want, because you never know how he’s going to react.

The version of me who felt uncomfortable in her own skin, so tried really hard to look pretty, say the right thing, and always do something more in an effort to be noticed.

The version of me who thought that I needed a man to “save me,” or that he was the one answer to all of my problems in life.

You can only race like that for so long until you crash.

And so, eight days of passionate sex, cute notes, sleepless nights, hours of butterflies in my stomach, several dinners, one brunch, way too much tequila, and two bouquets of flowers later, we bottomed out. Both of us.

Mr. Perfect and I took a crash course in “How to Not Date as Intentional, Conscious Human Beings 101.” Our worlds both went spinning—his, with a huge f*ck up at work, likely the result of us spending too much time together; mine, reversing to harmful coping behaviors that used to show up when I was younger.

When I got the text from Mr. Perfect that started with “We need to talk,” I went into a downward spiral of emotion and drama. He wanted to end things. I wanted to die. I literally paced outside my apartment building for three hours trying my very best to not have a heart attack.

I questioned everything. Was any of it real? Did I mean anything to him? How could I screw this up? How could I fix it? I needed to fix it. How could I mess up such a perfect thing?

But suddenly, I had a beautiful recognition. I noticed that there was a shift. In my heart space, I could feel the presence of my Higher Self. The part of me that’s connected to something bigger. The part of me that knows these stories of not being good enough are complete BS.

And just like that, I was no longer living in the stories that were sending me into a near panic attack. I was above that. I knew that I was better than that. That I deserve more. That it wasn’t my fault. That I didn’t do anything wrong. That I was still just as worthy as love and acceptance and beauty as anyone else on this planet.

In that moment, I forgave myself.

I forgave myself for the behavior that caused him to end things.

I forgave myself for the fact that I let it get to the point where we even engaged in an eight-day binge on each other.

And most importantly, I forgave myself for all the negative and self-doubting talk, limiting beliefs, and lame stories I told myself when it happened.

I saw that the stories were keeping me stuck. I saw that they made me revert back to this old version of me that I no longer was. And I saw that I had the awareness and the power now to intentionally choose to believe a different story instead.

I chose to believe that this story was no longer serving me, and that I could rise above it.

That I actually didn’t need a man to “fix” me or to complete me, but that I had actually been doing that work on my own all along.

I decided that I was done with this belief of not being good enough.

I was soooo done.

I decided then and there to stay committed to this path of personal growth and transcendence, because I see now how all of the pain and struggles that I’ve been through actually happened for me, not to me.

All of it was for a reason.

You can do the same. Everything that you’ve been through—every negative thought or limiting belief or fear that you’ve had that’s kept you from what you want the most in life—it’s all within your power to change. If you decide that you deserve it.

Healing is not linear. There will be highs and lows, laughs and tears, moments of total bliss and moments of complete uncertainty and self-doubt. But your Higher Self is there through it all, and S/he wants to see you come out stronger through each and every assignment that the Universe throws your way.

S/he is cheering you on from the sidelines and always there for support as your #1 fan, no matter what crazy stuff comes across your path. And that person, that part of you, needs you to show up to these assignments. To really face the fear head on, to feel the pain, and to move through it.

Because on the other side of fear and pain and struggle and darkness lies your greatness.

Looking back at it now, I don’t think I failed the test the Universe sent me. I think I passed it. Because I chose my Higher Self, I chose self-love, and I chose me.

Maybe that was the lesson all along.

Lauren is a life coach, blogger, and yoga teacher in Phoenix, AZ. She’s actively creating a life that lights her up from the inside out, and helping her clients to do the same! She also has a serious coffee addiction. Check out her blog at laurenmaddencoaching.com.

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

Do  you slip into self doubt when things dont do your way? Do you question every part of a failed relationship? If  you are looking for answers you can start by reaching out to any one of our talented spiritual advisors. They can look into all of your situations and help you make sense of the past, present and give insight on whats to come in your future.

The post Highs and Lows Are Part of Growth and It All Makes Us Stronger appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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“I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh 

I’ve struggled with anxiety throughout my life. A difficult childhood and my highly sensitive personality meant I grew into an anxious kid—there was just too much pain and emotional overwhelm for my young brain to handle.

My anxiety most often manifested as perfectionism and people pleasing, so from the outside everything seemed great. I excelled in school and I was a good kid who did as she was told. But there was a war inside me.

I felt broken, unable to navigate these huge feelings of fear and uncertainty on my own. Full of negativity and self-criticism, I felt like an outsider, misunderstood by the world, scared and alone.

Over the years, as I stuffed down these feelings of inadequacy and isolation, I internalized the belief that somehow I was not good enough, that there was something inherently wrong with me.

Afraid of being found out, ridiculed, and humiliated, I became invisible. I masked my fears, shame, and feeling rejected with arrogance. I became rigid and controlling. I was super hard on myself. I felt restless, angry, and defective even more.

In denial about all of this until my late thirties, my children finally cracked me open.

Motherhood was full of its own challenges, and my perfectionism shifted into high gear—the image of a wonderful, ever caring, ever patient mother was front and center. Hell bent on giving my children everything I was missing growing up, I put an enormous amount of pressure and responsibility on myself.

The stress was too high and I started breaking down. I began to unravel.

Anxiety happens in the presence of danger you can’t do anything about. Fear is a healthy and helpful response when you’re in an immediate danger. It alerts us and mobilizes us into action. But if you’re safe at home thinking about something that might happen or something that happened long time ago, you’re suffering needlessly.

Anxiety can show up in many ways and on many levels: physically, emotionally, and mentally. For me, it’s being negative and super critical of myself—my anxious voice telling me I’m messed up not good enough, inherently wrong.

I get easily stressed and overwhelmed. I become a perfectionist; I get restless, on edge. I’m unable to relax, sleep, focus. I’m so caught up in my head with worries that I’m not present, I’m not there for people who matter most. My chest is tight, my arms and legs tingly, headache and backache show up unannounced.

And then I reject how it feels, wanting it to do away—my resistance only making things worse. Fear feeds on itself. I feel broken, I feel shame, and so I disconnect from others. Depression kicks in. I get stuck.

3 Steps Toward Healing Anxiety

Anxiety is often embedded deep into the subconscious, especially if there is a history of childhood trauma or neglect. Past events and experiences are stored in the body. Thinking patterns and defense mechanisms become habitual, and we carry them throughout our adult life, unaware of their negative consequences. These are all hard things to deal with.

Fortunately, we have the capacity to change our brain by learning to be present, and becoming more aware of our habitual thoughts and behaviors. The brain is “plastic”; it can adopt new behaviors and learn new ways of looking at the world. This process is slow, but it’s our opening into healing anxiety.

Mindfulness is the foundation of change.

The first step in calming anxiety is mindfulness—becoming aware of the here and now, without judgment or trying to change our experience. The good news is that our physical body is a perfect vehicle for bringing ourselves into present awareness. And we start with out breath.

Anxiety moves us out of the present moment and into our habitual reacting to the perceived threat. It overwhelms our brain and blocks us from seeing things clearly, entangling us in ceaseless fears and worries.

We can’t heal what we don’t know. Mindfulness is the tool that can shed the light on our habitual thinking, feeling, behaving, and holding patterns—that is, where in the body we’re holding onto our fear and pain. Bringing these patterns to light allows us to break the cycle.

When you are triggered (someone says something critical to you, your child comes home from school crying, you argue with a friend or spouse), start by anchoring yourself in your breath.

Take a deep breath in, then slowly and fully exhale. Keep breathing deeply and slowly while allowing your experience to be as is, without judgment. This is truly hard—you may want to have a guided meditation handy for moments like this.

Slowly move your attention to your entire body and start tracking your sensations. This allows us to get out of our head and embody our current experience. We can begin to notice where in our body the fear and anxiety are being stored, where we might feel frozen, afraid, or on fire.

Observe, where is anxiety locked in your body? What does it feel like? What does it look like? What’s the texture, color, temperature?

A lot of tension from anxiety is stored around our eyes, jaw, neck. Notice this and consciously release the grip. Let those points relax.

If we’re able to stay present and open—with breath as our anchor—we will slowly calm the physical part of anxiety. This in turn, slows us down mentally, allowing us to calm down the racing thoughts and emotional reactions.

Observe your mind for a moment and notice any difference from when you began this meditation. Come back to your breath if you notice you’re drifting into your thoughts.

If you feel strong enough, you can notice and acknowledge any feelings and emotions you are now experiencing. You can commit to witnessing the fear, your vulnerability, allow and feel it so you can finally move past it.

Another helpful tactic is visualizing peace flowing into your body with each breath in, and tension leaving your body with each breath out. Breathe in calm, breathe our fear.

Again, if you’re feeling anchored, you can now observe your internal dialog in order to reframe your experience and learn new ways of responding in challenging situations.

You have to be willing to observe your negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity. You can then look at what triggered you and why? You can dissect your reactions to figure out better ways of responding next time. This way you learn new ways of coping and responding in the moments that push our sore spots.

Self-compassion is the engine that keeps us going.

Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as “being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.”

No positive change can happen in the atmosphere of criticism and self-abuse. We can’t force ourselves to do better. We have to offer ourselves support and encouragement in order to heal and grow.

Negative self-talk is the hallmark of anxiety.

Perhaps, growing up, our caretakers criticized, shamed, or punished us for our mistakes and weaknesses and so we learned to treat ourselves this way. Perhaps we learned to believe that if we’re hard on ourselves, we’ll accomplish more, become a better version of ourselves.

Tune into that inner voice. What is it telling you? Does this voice remind you of someone from your past?

Tapping into self-compassion can help us break our entrenched patterns of self-criticism, while still allowing us to be honest about our fears.

We can remember that no one is perfect, and everyone struggles in one way or another. And we can offer ourselves kindness and understanding. We are not weak or defective. We are human, and all humans go through moments of struggle.

Think of your self-compassionate voice as a supportive and kind friend who’s encouraging you to see things in a clearer, more balanced way. Don’t add to the pain by putting yourself down, judging yourself harshly. Offer yourself understanding, love, and care. This is hard work, and you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got.

This is not about excusing your behavior or bathing yourself in self-pity. It’s about giving yourself love and support so you can do better, be stronger, so you can rise above your past pain and better handle struggles ahead.

Self-expression is the outlet for letting go.

The hardest part of anxiety is learning to let go. Letting go is difficult, even if consciously we understand that our hurt and fears are a heavy burden to carry. This is the stuff that weighs us down, physically and emotionally diminishing our life force.

The enormous energy needed to protect ourselves from pain and anxiety is depleting, and so we must learn to release the fears and unburden our soul.

As Della Hicks-Wilson tells us, we have to “let the truth exist somewhere other than inside your body.”

We have to get it out of our body, remove the stored pain, anxiety, fear, trauma, shock, and shame so we can make room for joy, peace and vitality.

One of the best forms of emotional release is by writing. When we write we give our internal world a voice. We slow down and clear our head, and gradually deepen our understanding of ourselves. We are then able to process and makes sense of what’s happening with us and around us. We gain a new perspective, discover new choices, develop new mindset.

Writing is an act of courage. You show up for yourself, expose your vulnerabilities bringing the ugly parts into the light to look at it up close. But the act of writing is liberating. It gives us permission to release.

By putting our fears and hurts down on paper, we can let them go without judgment or worry. Our journal becomes a safe space for us to free ourselves, get unstuck, move forward. When we write we release, and when we release we heal.

Healing Takes Time and Devotion

I still get anxious sometimes, as does everyone else, but over the years I’ve picked up strategies that allow me to cope and manage my anxiety so it doesn’t control my life. My most reliable tools are daily meditation, yoga, making art, journaling, spending time in nature, surrounding myself with people who love and support me, and being mindful of my internal dialog.

Writing has been the most transformative, however. When done mindfully, writing allows us to step back and shift our mindset, rewiring our brain over time. We can safely process our experience, integrate and heal it, all while staying present and kind to ourselves.

Slowing down is the key to successfully transforming anxiety, and both mindfulness and writing allow us to slow down the rollercoaster of reactions so we can unpack and integrate our experience.

We have a deep capacity to heal and grow, but we can only do with enough self-awareness, a healthy dose of self-compassion, and an empowering belief that we are inherently good.

Joanna Ciolek is a self-taught artist, recovering self-critic, and a firm believer in the healing and transformative powers of mindfulness. She runs a free 20-week mindfulness & self-discovery workshop. She is also the author The Art Of Untangling, a writing journal/coloring book for deeper self-inquiry, healing and transformation!

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.

Does your anxiety last all day long from the second you wake up? Is it making it difficult to function day to day? If life situations have created stress, get the peace of mind and answers you need  today by reaching out to any one of our talented spiritual advisors. They can look into all of your situations and not only tell you what’s to come; they can also provide you with solutions to ensure a smoother road ahead. 

The post 3 Tools That Can Help You Calm Your Mind and Let Go of Anxiety appeared first on PsychicTXT.

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