There is a myriad of snappy nicknames people are attaching to various moments in a relationship, good or bad. Cuffing, ghosting, and cushioning are just a few. Now there’s a new trend that has just gotten its own name: stashing. It’s a very familiar concept, similar to cushioning but worse. Normally, stashing occurs pretty late into the relationship. It’s when you’ve got stars in your eyes for the perfect woman. She’s everything to you. You love sending and receiving those good morning texts and meeting up for lunch during the week. Romantic dinners and meetings with friends are always fun. But wait… Circle back to those meetings with friends. Are they her friends or your friends?
When you know that she’s stashing you for later
Sometimes it can be pretty difficult to tell whether you’re being stashed. The biggest red flag is that she doesn’t post you on her social media at all. Not even on her stories. This could just be due to the fact that she doesn’t like broadcasting every moment of her life on her pages. But this could also be that she is keeping you a secret. So have you met her friends? Have you met her family? Have you ever met any of her coworkers? Do a quick checklist through your head of the people in her life you have actually met. If the list is suspiciously free of checks, then your woman may be stashing you. If this is the case, tell her “we should hang out with your friends this weekend” and see what she says.
Why people are prone to stashing
There are many reasons why men and women end up stashing. They may have a fear of commitment. They might feel like the relationship is moving too fast for them. Maybe they would prefer having an open or polygamous relationship but are unsure how to bring it up with their partner, or maybe they feel a relationship will hinder their goals or career. Whatever the case may be, it’s still a selfish act in which to engage. If you think that the woman you’re seeing may be stashing you, address the issue. And if you are actively stashing women, think about why you might be doing this. Communication has never been more important. Talk to your partner and be open with them. And if you think that your relationship isn’t what you wanted, then consider stepping back from it.
If you need to talk to someone about how to navigate these issues, I’m right here. As your dedicated wingwoman, I am ready to assist the tricky situations you may come across in your dating life.
The first kiss opens up space and time to pursue things further with a person. Getting the first kiss can often times be easier said than done, but always worth the effort in the end. The trick is to exude confidence and ensure that your date remains comfortable in the situation. This makes it easier for her to open up to you and share a meaningful kiss at the end of the night. But what does it mean when she doesn’t let you reach that moment? What is she thinking when she doesn’t kiss you?
Playing hard to get
The oldest trick in the book is to play hard to get. We don’t endlessly crave the thing that is easiest to acquire. In video games, we feel most powerful when we defeat the bosses. Killing an enemy in three blows just doesn’t deliver the same feeling. When given a difficult task, we want to overcome it. It’s in our nature. No matter how long and arduous the task may be. With dating, the game is no different. Girls like to play hard to get because it’s fun to represent a challenge. We want to see how hard we can make you work for it. But the end result is a reward for the effort put forth. It’s not that women want to see you squirm, rather the opposite. They want to make sure that you won’t just quit after the first couple attempts and that you are serious about pursuing her other than just a hook up. If she doesn’t kiss you, that does not necessarily mean that she does not like you, in fact that may mean quite the opposite.
Taking things slow
A bit similar to playing hard to get but from a different dynamic. The scenario is that the date is going swimmingly. She laughs at your jokes, understands your sense of humor, and is smiling thoughtfully while you talk. You can tell she’s into you, so why doesn’t she kiss you? Perhaps she really is into you. But not everyone likes to jump into the water right away. Some like to feel the temperature, and ease into it one toe at a time. Don’t rush things! Relax. She wants to wait until a special moment that she’ll want to remember. That isn’t going to happen if the scenery doesn’t change or if you only ever want to hang out with her at loud, chaotic places. If you start to feel impatient with your date, that’s on you. But women who prefer to take it slow are not exactly uncommon. Girls like to know what they’re getting into. Even if she doesn’t kiss you, sit back and let her drive. Be aware of her body language for cues that tell you when she is ready. The #Metoo Movement has brought a lot of light to sexual escalation happening without full consent. If you are ever unsure of how your date feels, than you should ask. If you want to kiss her, but do not want to make her feel uncomfortable than ask her how she is feeling. Women will respect a man a lot more who shows that he cares about her desires!
Raised with conservative views
No dating until you’re eighteen! Remember the fingertip rule. Leave space for Jesus. Be back by nine. Does any of this sound familiar? Chances are that you aren’t familiar with what it’s like being a daughter of conservative parents. It might sound like a sweet and innocent upbringing, but can also be frustrating. However, the result of such a household can be reluctance to dive straight for the first kiss on the first date. If she doesn’t kiss you, there’s a chance that she has a conservative mindset. She was raised to mind her manners and avoid showing too much skin. Let this woman come to you. Encourage her, and remind her that she doesn’t always have to live by her parents’ rules. Most important of all: Never shame her for her beliefs.
Additionally, there could be a chance that she’s not into you at all. Which is totally fine! Ask your dating coach for some more tips for a new date. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and it’s not always worth it to get hung up on just one. There are a few ways to tell if she won’t kiss you because she’s not into you.
“I’m so glad we’re friends!”
If you heard this line at any time during the night, then it’s game over. She has clearly placed you in what she would call the “friend zone”. Maybe before the date she had other things in mind, but upon meeting you she decided otherwise. You may never know why. It’s just part of the mystery. If she doesn’t kiss you, perhaps it’s because she would rather have you as a friend than a lover.
You forgot to brush your teeth
Halitosis, anyone? Bad breath is a turnoff for any newcomer. If she doesn’t kiss you, perhaps you should suck on a breath mint. It won’t solve the problem of poor hygiene, but at least it might mask it. I encounter to many men with bad breath, if you plan on speaking closely with a woman then chew gum, have a mint, or listerine. Everyone thinks their breath smells fine, but I guarantee that many of you are probably wrong. Do not let bad breathe be what stops you from getting that kiss. I have seen to many of my girlfriends reject guys only because their breath stunk. Don’t be that guy! You have a toothbrush, right? Use it!
So with this one, you two did kiss. Unfortunately, she did not seem to enjoy it at all. Afterwards, she might have grimaced, looked elsewhere, or otherwise acted awkward. Sometimes, there is no telling why she behaved this way. It could have been because of her. It could have been because of you. Maybe she’ll shake it off and you’ll still have a wonderful night. But sometimes it doesn’t go that way at all, which leads into the next point.
Excuse to leave
Again, perhaps you make it to the kiss. But what goes down afterwards is less than savory. Whether or not she acted awkward afterwards, she still made an excuse to leave. Her friend’s car broke down. Her mom called her. Her brother’s roommate’s step-dad’s baby has a cold and only she knows to fix it. Maybe she didn’t even offer an excuse, and just said she had to go. It’s difficult to say why she felt the way she did, but obviously she didn’t want to stick around. She could be back, but there’s also a chance that she wasn’t ready for this and needs time.
Poor conversation flow
You could have the greatest conversation skills in the world and you will still manage to find someone who doesn’t seem interested in anything you have to say. Maybe you even ended up on a date with that person. You can’t control whether or not someone enjoys your conversation. You can’t make them respond in-depth to your insightful questions. You can’t force them to laugh at your witty stories. Sometimes, they just don’t get it. They don’t get you. And that’s nothing that you did wrong. You will meet people in your life with whom it’s difficult to get along. The best thing to do in this scenario would be to move on and find someone else entirely. Find someone who will understand your humor and conversation topics.
If she doesn’t kiss you, it could be due to you just not being her “right fit”. Chemistry is dependent upon two people clicking. That’s basically the whole gist of it. But if the energy clashes, or doesn’t fit, then everything else is going to feel off. This is just one more thing that you absolutely cannot force. You can’t make someone mesh well with you. Either you click or you don’t. There’s also a heart-breaking flip side: you click and she doesn’t. Meaning that this girl could be everything you ever wanted, but she still won’t give you the time of day. (500) Days of Summer, anyone?
There could be a dozen reasons why a girl doesn’t kiss you, but there are dozens of reasons why a girl would. If a girl doesn’t kiss you, don’t let that discourage you. The dating game is a tricky place to be. The most important thing is to stay motivated and move around. Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery and a different dating scene. One day you will find someone with whom you’ll have a first kiss and suddenly you’ll just know that you don’t want to kiss anyone else ever again.
It’s the classic scene. A man and woman just finished a spectacular date. Evening transforms into night. Both parties are lingering, food and drink long depleted. The mood seems right. So the man leans in for a kiss… And promptly gets shut down. The woman throws her hands up and leans away from the man. An excuse is proffered. She just wasn’t ready, she isn’t looking for anything right now, she needs to move slower, she only wanted to be friends. Ending a date with a kiss ended up being a bit more complicated. What if this scenario happens (or has happened) to you? It can be tricky to gauge whether a woman wants to be kissed.
The first kiss doesn’t have to be on the first date
Unfortunately, there are a lot of ways a first date could go wrong. You might be too busy trying to impress her that you may forget to relate to her. As much as women do like to be impressed, we like a couple things just as much as — if not more than — that. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to seal the first date with a kiss. Each woman is going to be different from the last. Some genuinely prefer to take it slow. Others will take the initiative and go in for the kiss as soon as they feel the chemistry bubbling between you. If you don’t get the kiss on the first date, don’t give up. Ending a date with a kiss will happen. It just might not happen on the first date you ever have with a woman.
Work on building the anticipation
During your date (or dates), pay attention to the woman you’re seeing. You can gauge how into you she is by noticing her reactions. If she laughs at your jokes or some of the things you say, that’s generally a solid rule of thumb to tell that she definitely digs you. If you can see that her eyes are alive and present, that she’s not stuck on something else while simultaneously paying attention to you, that’s another good sign. Does she turn her phone on Do Not Disturb? Does she seem hesitant to end the date? Does she reply to each of your texts? You’ve got her hooked, my friend. She can’t get enough of you and she wants more. The next part of this is extremely crucial and relevant.
Ending a date with a kiss should not be the ultimate priority
It’s important to ensure your date is comfortable with you. It’s even more important to ensure that she’s comfortable with kissing you. If you lean in for a kiss and she gives you a cheek instead, don’t get angry at her for wasting your time, playing you, or stringing you along. Follow her lead instead. If she backs down, you back down as well. She could have an extremely valid backstory that she’s just unwilling to divulge just yet. Ending a date with a kiss is not the most important thing in the world, though it is quite nice. A good way to figure out whether or not she is going to kiss you back is to let her know your intentions. “I think I’m going to kiss you” or “Do you mind if I kiss you” is a good way to let her know what your plan of action is. And once you’ve said it, do it! Lean in for the kiss. She will respect you more because you asked! This shows you care about her feelings and are not just another douchebag! If she cuts you off by behaving a certain way or saying something, don’t be entirely dissuaded. Rather, ask her what it is she wants or doesn’t want you to do. Does she want to kiss you, but just not this moment? Is something else the matter? Ask her about the situation and then listen to her response.
Never underestimate the power and importance of communication. If you’re able to talk about whether or not you should kiss, it could lead to a better and healthier relationship. You should never push a woman to do something she isn’t ready to do. That’s why you need to find out exactly where your date stands.
Online dating is now a widely accepted and even a preferred method of meeting singles. Once stigmatized as a “last ditch” approach to meeting people, it is now more popular than ever before… And growing!
There is no user manual for getting started, however, and some are confounded by this new form of matchmaking. But have no fear! I have compiled a beginner’s guide to online dating to help you get started.
Choose the Right Service
Finding the right online dating service is vital to meeting matches that are relevant to you. There is a dating website to fill every niche, so it is important to decide exactly what you are looking for and the kind of people you expect to meet.
Your two main options when it comes to these services are general or niche. General dating websites cater to everyone but are mainly used by those without specific needs. Niche dating sites are designed for those who are looking for something specific, such as a partner of a specific religious sect or sexuality.
If your needs can’t be met by general dating services, I recommend finding something to suit your niche. If, however, you can get by with a match from the general population a general dating website is preferable because they tend to attract the most people, giving you a numbers advantage.
That said, there is nothing preventing you from signing up for multiple services. Just keep in mind that this option may be more costly and time-consuming.
Create Your Profile
Once you decide on the service(s) you want to use, the signup process will involve creating a user profile. This should not be taken lightly because your user profile is the only way that people on any given site will get to know you.
The most important profile element is the photo. For better or for worse, most people will either pass or pursue based on the main picture in your profile alone. That is why it is crucial that you use the right one. Although there are many things to consider, here are some surefire tips for success:
Smile! A simple smile can increase your perceived attractiveness.
Include your body. Posting a full portrait gives off an air of confidence because you have nothing to hide.
Take some high-quality shots. Generally speaking, the higher quality the photo, the better you will look.
No duck face. Enough said!
If you need help getting the perfect shot for your online profile, feel free to
contact me –your favorite NYC Wingwoman for Profile Photography rates!
Next, it’s important to add as many details to your profile without giving too much away. This is a balance that only you can determine, but it’s a good idea to speak in a frank, chipper, and optimistic tone.
Ultimately, you should be yourself. Your dating profile is an image of who you are and the best impression you can make is a true one.
When you complete your profile you can begin browsing the other user profiles. It may seem overwhelming at first, but in time you will learn how to filter out the relevant matches from the irrelevant ones and even work out a system that you abide by in order to optimize your time on the site.
You will probably also get messages from people interested in you. That’s the beauty of the system; you’re ‘out there’ even when you’re offline and doing other things.
Eventually, you will find someone who piques your interest and that’s where things become interesting. At that point, the process is very similar to real life dating. You have to break the ice initially and then strike up a conversation to determine how well you connect. If you think you’ve found a match, you might be ready to…
Make a Date!
Planning a date should feel natural for both parties. After all, you and your match have been chatting it up and likely know enough about one another to plan the perfect meetup.
At this point, things are pretty much as you may have experienced in your dating life up until now. If you like your date, you can go out again; if not, you can pursue other people online. Eventually, you will find someone with whom you click.
If you want to learn more about this topic I recommend checking out DatingSpot.co.uk as resident expert Pauline Plott gives away great tips and tricks for online dating!
Facebook was launched in early 2004. Though originally founded as a social site for college students, it has quickly expanded its reach and reason for existing. One of its uses has been for men to hit on women. And while it’s perfectly fine to converse with women on Facebook, there are a few things you should monitor about yourself. If you catch yourself doing any of these “don’ts” below, you may want to change your angle of approaching women.
Know How to Present Yourself
While women may not always hold out for attractive men, we do pay attention to how you are going to present yourself online. And women on Facebook can be brutal. Are you wearing a tank top? That will probably make us think you’re immature or a douche. Are you shirtless? Put that shirt back on. Ladies will usually perceive you as being self-obsessed. Is the picture more than a year old? Update it to a current one. Maybe you weren’t sporting facial hair back then and now you are. Women will want to know what you presently look like. Also, if you upload a profile picture that really accentuates your features and was taken professionally, there is always the possibility that women will take you for a fake. Catfishing is too real, guys. Seriously.
If you use a “sexy” photo in order to entice women on Facebook to either message you or message you back, the odds are that your plan will backfire. Why? Because women aren’t engineered in the same way guys are! We’re not solely attracted to someone’s physical features. Seeing a guy message us and noticing his profile picture is of him without a shirt on is a turn off. More often than not, women on Facebook will think that you are too self-focused and shallow.
Also, it’s hard to ignore memes on the internet. Some may even like memes so much they want to make one their main photo. Or perhaps guys will do an active sport and feature an image of them in action. These pictures are great to post on your wall or in an album. However, if your face cannot be clearly seen in your main picture, you might want to change it out. Women aren’t going to spend time poring over your photos trying to find a decent image of what your face looks like. If they see your profile picture but can’t see your face, it’s not going to make women on Facebook interested in you.
What you will want to use is a photo that shows you in a sociable state. Women on Facebook want to know that you’re not another quiet guy who forgoes enjoying a good party for the sake of staying at home and watching old Futurama episodes. Take a picture or — even better — use a picture that someone else has taken of you. If you use a candid photograph that makes you look awesome, then it will show that you don’t just sit around taking selfies.
Be Ready to Approach Her
Now that you’ve gotten a proper photo of you online, you’re bound to see more success when you message women on Facebook. The next step is to compliment her. But not in the way you might think. Contrary to sliding into her DMs like “You have an amazing body” or “Do you send pics?” you will want to take a little less forward approach… while still giving her a proper compliment.
How many times have you created the same exact message and then proceeded to send it off to several women? Believe me, that kind of stuff is just waiting to get screenshotted and laughed at in a group message amongst those girls and their friends. The last thing you want to do is just create some generic message that you can shoot off to any women you find decently attractive. The first thing you should do is go to her profile. Even find her Instagram if you can. Find out what she likes and what she is passionate about.
Once you’ve sorted out what she’s into, capitalize on that. Is she constantly posting pictures of dog memes? If you have a dog, that’s such an easy way in. You can send her a picture of your dog and accompany it with a funny caption. If you can tell her favorite food is pizza, work that into your opening line.
Basically, know something about her. After that, assume something about her. This might seem a bit sketchy, but just bear with me.
If she digs dogs, assume that she’s the kind of person who runs up to strangers on the street begging to pet their pooch. If she’s into pizza, assume that she’s a diehard fan of pizza who refuses to bring pineapple anywhere near their perfect slice. Mention that assumption to her and then tie your opinion in with it. If you prefer cats, offer a counterargument to dogs. If you think that pineapple was born to be put on pizza, let her know that.
In many cases, these sorts of openers can be better choices than questions. Women may feel like you’re trying too hard if you immediately greet them with a question as you try to draw them out. Take a more laid-back approach. Be relatable. Be sure that you have a good picture. Don’t be too aggressive and make sure to have a fun time meeting someone new!