There is a myriad of snappy nicknames people are attaching to various moments in a relationship, good or bad. Cuffing, ghosting, and cushioning are just a few. Now there’s a new trend that has just gotten its own name: stashing. It’s a very familiar concept, similar to cushioning but worse. Normally, stashing occurs pretty late into the relationship. It’s when you’ve got stars in your eyes for the perfect woman. She’s everything to you. You love sending and receiving those good morning texts and meeting up for lunch during the week. Romantic dinners and meetings with friends are always fun. But wait… Circle back to those meetings with friends. Are they her friends or your friends?
When you know that she’s stashing you for later
Sometimes it can be pretty difficult to tell whether you’re being stashed. The biggest red flag is that she doesn’t post you on her social media at all. Not even on her stories. This could just be due to the fact that she doesn’t like broadcasting every moment of her life on her pages. But this could also be that she is keeping you a secret. So have you met her friends? Have you met her family? Have you ever met any of her coworkers? Do a quick checklist through your head of the people in her life you have actually met. If the list is suspiciously free of checks, then your woman may be stashing you. If this is the case, tell her “we should hang out with your friends this weekend” and see what she says.
Why people are prone to stashing
There are many reasons why men and women end up stashing. They may have a fear of commitment. They might feel like the relationship is moving too fast for them. Maybe they would prefer having an open or polygamous relationship but are unsure how to bring it up with their partner, or maybe they feel a relationship will hinder their goals or career. Whatever the case may be, it’s still a selfish act in which to engage. If you think that the woman you’re seeing may be stashing you, address the issue. And if you are actively stashing women, think about why you might be doing this. Communication has never been more important. Talk to your partner and be open with them. And if you think that your relationship isn’t what you wanted, then consider stepping back from it.
If you need to talk to someone about how to navigate these issues, I’m right here. As your dedicated wingwoman, I am ready to assist the tricky situations you may come across in your dating life.
So you’ve heard of ghosting. It’ a particularly nasty dating trend that involves one person suddenly disappearing from someone else’s life. But since that trend has gotten its name, another dating trend surfaced with an equally spooky title: haunting. Just like ghosting involves vanishing from someone’s life, haunting is defined by that same person reappearing in someone’s life. Where one person in the relationship decided that things were better off nonexistent and decided to leave without actually breaking up, haunting is essentially the realization (conscious or subconscious) of that person having second thoughts. In a word, it’s rude.
Haunting is just as rude as ghosting
When someone ghosts you, it’s the worst. Imagine talking to the same person every day, perhaps for weeks or even months, then suddenly you get complete radio silence. No texts. No messages. No phone calls. No comments. No memes. Nothing. Complete and utter disconnection. It’s awful because it means that you weren’t even worth an explanation. With the silence they gave you, your mind could come up with a myriad of reasons as to why they left you on read. Social media can be a cold, dark place sometimes. Just when you thought you might never hear from them again, suddenly you get that notification. They liked your photo on Instagram. What? They can take a second to like your photo but they can’t take the extra two seconds to text you? What does this mean?
Kick the ghosts out of your haunted house
Nobody likes a haunted house. Well, that’s not entirely correct. Some people do actually quite enjoy a good haunted house. But in this case, you’re the haunted house and you don’t have any say about the ghosts who come take up residence. Except that isn’t true at all. You do have the power to make those ghosts flee the scene. Because with the annoyances that social media has brought us like read receipts and memes in poor taste, it has also given us the gift of blocking people. So use it! If someone ends up ghosting you, you ghost them right back. Whether they realize it, they are exerting a kind of power over you by ghosting you. They are showing you that they and they alone know the answer of why they left. But if they are so uncaring as to leave without any semblance of goodbye, then they are not worth being your friend on social media. Unfriend them. Block them. Make it so that they cannot see your photos and your life. They chose to walk out of it and they shouldn’t be able to disrupt it any further.
Avoid the temptation of haunting
I’ve written all of this assuming that the readers have been victims of ghosting and haunting. But I’m sure there are those of you who have both ghosted and haunted others. If you’re the type of person who loathes confrontation and would prefer slipping away unnoticed, I’m here to tell you that it’s noticed. If you have dedicated time and energy getting to know a person, then decided partway in that you don’t want to know them anymore, tell them that. What’s the worst that could happen? They’ll yell at you? Start crying? Swear they hate you and never want to see you again? Let me tell you a secret. If you ended up ghosting them, they would probably have a very similar reaction. Nobody enjoys being ghosted. If you ghost someone, expect there to be hard feelings. The more time you’ve spent together, the more bitter they will tend to be. So talk to them. Give them a reason as to why you’re walking away. Never just walk away.
The first kiss opens up space and time to pursue things further with a person. Getting the first kiss can often times be easier said than done, but always worth the effort in the end. The trick is to exude confidence and ensure that your date remains comfortable in the situation. This makes it easier for her to open up to you and share a meaningful kiss at the end of the night. But what does it mean when she doesn’t let you reach that moment? What is she thinking when she doesn’t kiss you?
Playing hard to get
The oldest trick in the book is to play hard to get. We don’t endlessly crave the thing that is easiest to acquire. In video games, we feel most powerful when we defeat the bosses. Killing an enemy in three blows just doesn’t deliver the same feeling. When given a difficult task, we want to overcome it. It’s in our nature. No matter how long and arduous the task may be. With dating, the game is no different. Girls like to play hard to get because it’s fun to represent a challenge. We want to see how hard we can make you work for it. But the end result is a reward for the effort put forth. It’s not that women want to see you squirm, rather the opposite. They want to make sure that you won’t just quit after the first couple attempts and that you are serious about pursuing her other than just a hook up. If she doesn’t kiss you, that does not necessarily mean that she does not like you, in fact that may mean quite the opposite.
Taking things slow
A bit similar to playing hard to get but from a different dynamic. The scenario is that the date is going swimmingly. She laughs at your jokes, understands your sense of humor, and is smiling thoughtfully while you talk. You can tell she’s into you, so why doesn’t she kiss you? Perhaps she really is into you. But not everyone likes to jump into the water right away. Some like to feel the temperature, and ease into it one toe at a time. Don’t rush things! Relax. She wants to wait until a special moment that she’ll want to remember. That isn’t going to happen if the scenery doesn’t change or if you only ever want to hang out with her at loud, chaotic places. If you start to feel impatient with your date, that’s on you. But women who prefer to take it slow are not exactly uncommon. Girls like to know what they’re getting into. Even if she doesn’t kiss you, sit back and let her drive. Be aware of her body language for cues that tell you when she is ready. The #Metoo Movement has brought a lot of light to sexual escalation happening without full consent. If you are ever unsure of how your date feels, than you should ask. If you want to kiss her, but do not want to make her feel uncomfortable than ask her how she is feeling. Women will respect a man a lot more who shows that he cares about her desires!
Raised with conservative views
No dating until you’re eighteen! Remember the fingertip rule. Leave space for Jesus. Be back by nine. Does any of this sound familiar? Chances are that you aren’t familiar with what it’s like being a daughter of conservative parents. It might sound like a sweet and innocent upbringing, but can also be frustrating. However, the result of such a household can be reluctance to dive straight for the first kiss on the first date. If she doesn’t kiss you, there’s a chance that she has a conservative mindset. She was raised to mind her manners and avoid showing too much skin. Let this woman come to you. Encourage her, and remind her that she doesn’t always have to live by her parents’ rules. Most important of all: Never shame her for her beliefs.
Additionally, there could be a chance that she’s not into you at all. Which is totally fine! Ask your dating coach for some more tips for a new date. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and it’s not always worth it to get hung up on just one. There are a few ways to tell if she won’t kiss you because she’s not into you.
“I’m so glad we’re friends!”
If you heard this line at any time during the night, then it’s game over. She has clearly placed you in what she would call the “friend zone”. Maybe before the date she had other things in mind, but upon meeting you she decided otherwise. You may never know why. It’s just part of the mystery. If she doesn’t kiss you, perhaps it’s because she would rather have you as a friend than a lover.
You forgot to brush your teeth
Halitosis, anyone? Bad breath is a turnoff for any newcomer. If she doesn’t kiss you, perhaps you should suck on a breath mint. It won’t solve the problem of poor hygiene, but at least it might mask it. I encounter to many men with bad breath, if you plan on speaking closely with a woman then chew gum, have a mint, or listerine. Everyone thinks their breath smells fine, but I guarantee that many of you are probably wrong. Do not let bad breathe be what stops you from getting that kiss. I have seen to many of my girlfriends reject guys only because their breath stunk. Don’t be that guy! You have a toothbrush, right? Use it!
So with this one, you two did kiss. Unfortunately, she did not seem to enjoy it at all. Afterwards, she might have grimaced, looked elsewhere, or otherwise acted awkward. Sometimes, there is no telling why she behaved this way. It could have been because of her. It could have been because of you. Maybe she’ll shake it off and you’ll still have a wonderful night. But sometimes it doesn’t go that way at all, which leads into the next point.
Excuse to leave
Again, perhaps you make it to the kiss. But what goes down afterwards is less than savory. Whether or not she acted awkward afterwards, she still made an excuse to leave. Her friend’s car broke down. Her mom called her. Her brother’s roommate’s step-dad’s baby has a cold and only she knows to fix it. Maybe she didn’t even offer an excuse, and just said she had to go. It’s difficult to say why she felt the way she did, but obviously she didn’t want to stick around. She could be back, but there’s also a chance that she wasn’t ready for this and needs time.
Poor conversation flow
You could have the greatest conversation skills in the world and you will still manage to find someone who doesn’t seem interested in anything you have to say. Maybe you even ended up on a date with that person. You can’t control whether or not someone enjoys your conversation. You can’t make them respond in-depth to your insightful questions. You can’t force them to laugh at your witty stories. Sometimes, they just don’t get it. They don’t get you. And that’s nothing that you did wrong. You will meet people in your life with whom it’s difficult to get along. The best thing to do in this scenario would be to move on and find someone else entirely. Find someone who will understand your humor and conversation topics.
If she doesn’t kiss you, it could be due to you just not being her “right fit”. Chemistry is dependent upon two people clicking. That’s basically the whole gist of it. But if the energy clashes, or doesn’t fit, then everything else is going to feel off. This is just one more thing that you absolutely cannot force. You can’t make someone mesh well with you. Either you click or you don’t. There’s also a heart-breaking flip side: you click and she doesn’t. Meaning that this girl could be everything you ever wanted, but she still won’t give you the time of day. (500) Days of Summer, anyone?
There could be a dozen reasons why a girl doesn’t kiss you, but there are dozens of reasons why a girl would. If a girl doesn’t kiss you, don’t let that discourage you. The dating game is a tricky place to be. The most important thing is to stay motivated and move around. Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery and a different dating scene. One day you will find someone with whom you’ll have a first kiss and suddenly you’ll just know that you don’t want to kiss anyone else ever again.
Regardless of who you are, breakups are often very difficult. Moving on from a breakup can seem absurdly difficult. The older we get, the more complicated it seems to be. High school and college relationships seemed like they would last forever at the time. But as time goes on, the less of an impact they have on us. However, with relationships going on past your twenties, into your thirties and beyond, things genuinely begin to mean a lot more. But as with our younger selves, breakups still tend to happen no matter how old you get. Moving past them is a life-saving skill.
Keep yourself busy
It may seem like you’re ignoring the problem to say this, but I promise it’s not! When you stay busy with hobbies, activities, and social gatherings, moving on from a breakup is easier to handle. You’re stopping your brain from dwelling on negative elements which you cannot change. By being busy and seeing friends, you are focusing more on positive elements. But I can’t lie. Before you launch into learning knitting, treehouse-building, or figuring out eSports, you must take some time to mend. Take some time off work and escape somewhere to have some alone time if that is how you best recover. If you process things better with friends, have some of them over for a get-together. Self-care is important, and it varies person to person.
Re-evaluate your priorities
The thing with adult relationships is that you typically start building a life together with them. That could be as small as keeping things at each other’s places, rescuing a dog, or buying a house together. Another way to keep yourself busy while also remaining productive would be to begin separating your life from your ex’s as best as you can. If it bothers you that you might run into them at the supermarket, pick a different store for a while until it’s less painful. Though rather immense, another plan could be to see if you could transfer your job or find another one elsewhere. It’s not the normal thing to do, but sometimes the best thing to do is to completely avoid being around remnants of your ex. And a different change of scenery and social circle could do wonders.
Rearrange your Netflix
Remember how difficult it was to decide on a show or movie on Netflix? Talk about serious commitment. Now that your ex is out of the picture, you have full reign of the remote. Pick all the action-adventure, drama, or rom-coms that your heart desires. No one is around to judge you or say that it’s “not your turn to pick”. If you are in charge of the Netflix or know the person who is, get the password changed. It may seem harsh, but that way you won’t see what your ex is choosing. It’ll avoid further reminders of them.
Get back out there
Perhaps the hardest part of moving on from a breakup is getting into another relationship. There is no precise time limit that you must spend single before finding someone else. Everyone takes different amounts of time to heal and gain back their confidence. But when you feel ready, hop on an app and check out the attractive single people in your area. If nothing else, it could help entice you to put yourself out there. But it’s crucial to remember you create your own happiness. Your ex didn’t take it with them. Nobody can give it to you. People can create pleasant memories for you, but you alone must work on becoming content. But it doesn’t help to have someone new along for the ride!
It’s the classic scene. A man and woman just finished a spectacular date. Evening transforms into night. Both parties are lingering, food and drink long depleted. The mood seems right. So the man leans in for a kiss… And promptly gets shut down. The woman throws her hands up and leans away from the man. An excuse is proffered. She just wasn’t ready, she isn’t looking for anything right now, she needs to move slower, she only wanted to be friends. Ending a date with a kiss ended up being a bit more complicated. What if this scenario happens (or has happened) to you? It can be tricky to gauge whether a woman wants to be kissed.
The first kiss doesn’t have to be on the first date
Unfortunately, there are a lot of ways a first date could go wrong. You might be too busy trying to impress her that you may forget to relate to her. As much as women do like to be impressed, we like a couple things just as much as — if not more than — that. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to seal the first date with a kiss. Each woman is going to be different from the last. Some genuinely prefer to take it slow. Others will take the initiative and go in for the kiss as soon as they feel the chemistry bubbling between you. If you don’t get the kiss on the first date, don’t give up. Ending a date with a kiss will happen. It just might not happen on the first date you ever have with a woman.
Work on building the anticipation
During your date (or dates), pay attention to the woman you’re seeing. You can gauge how into you she is by noticing her reactions. If she laughs at your jokes or some of the things you say, that’s generally a solid rule of thumb to tell that she definitely digs you. If you can see that her eyes are alive and present, that she’s not stuck on something else while simultaneously paying attention to you, that’s another good sign. Does she turn her phone on Do Not Disturb? Does she seem hesitant to end the date? Does she reply to each of your texts? You’ve got her hooked, my friend. She can’t get enough of you and she wants more. The next part of this is extremely crucial and relevant.
Ending a date with a kiss should not be the ultimate priority
It’s important to ensure your date is comfortable with you. It’s even more important to ensure that she’s comfortable with kissing you. If you lean in for a kiss and she gives you a cheek instead, don’t get angry at her for wasting your time, playing you, or stringing you along. Follow her lead instead. If she backs down, you back down as well. She could have an extremely valid backstory that she’s just unwilling to divulge just yet. Ending a date with a kiss is not the most important thing in the world, though it is quite nice. A good way to figure out whether or not she is going to kiss you back is to let her know your intentions. “I think I’m going to kiss you” or “Do you mind if I kiss you” is a good way to let her know what your plan of action is. And once you’ve said it, do it! Lean in for the kiss. She will respect you more because you asked! This shows you care about her feelings and are not just another douchebag! If she cuts you off by behaving a certain way or saying something, don’t be entirely dissuaded. Rather, ask her what it is she wants or doesn’t want you to do. Does she want to kiss you, but just not this moment? Is something else the matter? Ask her about the situation and then listen to her response.
Never underestimate the power and importance of communication. If you’re able to talk about whether or not you should kiss, it could lead to a better and healthier relationship. You should never push a woman to do something she isn’t ready to do. That’s why you need to find out exactly where your date stands.
There are many misconceptions about how to be a good kisser. Old movies will have romantic scenes where one person’s face is practically horizontal to the other’s face. Their mouths are wide open and pushed together in what presumably was a romantic kiss. When we were younger, we just wanted to have our first kiss. We weren’t concerned about how sloppy or rushed it may be. But it’s so easy to get a kiss wrong, especially when you don’t know how to get it right. Now that we’ve grown and matured, it’s time to forget what you thought you knew and learn about how to actually improve your kissing game so that you’ll remain unforgettable (in a good way)!
Don’t rush it
The main thing about how to be a good kisser is that you can’t rush it. You shouldn’t force the moment. How do you know when the moment is right? I could write a whole different article on that! For the most part, pay attention to whether she’s looking into your eyes. If she’s more introverted, she might be focusing on a point somewhat near you. Not everyone is comfortable with direct eye contact. The most important way to find out if she’s into it would be to straight up ask. In the culture we are in today, it’s incredibly important to make sure that women feel safe and comfortable around you. Don’t play a guessing game in your head. If you ask her if she’s interested in you, or if she likes the fact that you have feelings for you, then you’re good! But please ask. Don’t be forceful with your intentions. If she only wants to be your friend, back off and meet someone else.
Keep the slobber to a minimum
I’m sure you’ve experienced some sloppy puppy kisses from someone, either drunk or sober. They’re wild, wet, and messy! But if you want to know how to be a good kisser, you have to avoid taking part in any of that. Nobody wants someone else’s drool covering the lower half of their face. Keep it clean. If you find yourself starting to salivate a lot during a kiss, take a moment and swallow before continuing. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do! With practice, you’ll be able to swallow quickly and keep kissing. But if you aren’t good at multitasking, there’s another method. Pull back, look her in the eyes, give a slow smile (and swallow), then go right back to kissing her.
Keep your breath fresh
So you brushed your teeth once this morning. That’s good. But now it’s 7 p.m. at night and you haven’t even been home all day. Even if you can’t be super hygienic and have the means to brush your teeth regularly, keep something around to freshen your breath up. Nobody likes smelly breath, guys. Seriously. It’s a problem. Keep some gum on hand or even some mouthwash to swirl and spit out the car window. Whatever it takes. There is no excuse to have bad breath. And it’s an immediate turn off when you lean in for the first kiss and end up blasting bad breath into your date’s unsuspecting nostrils.
Choose where to place your head
So you don’t want to crane your head sideways and get a nasty ache in your neck. And you don’t have to. Just so long as your nose isn’t bumping onto hers, it’s fine. Gently angle your head for maximum comfort, both for yourself and her.
Avoid probing her mouth with your tongue
Yes, French kisses are sexy. We all know. Do you know what’s not sexy? Having someone’s tongue lodged firmly in your mouth going around in circles like a washing machine. The key to French kisses is to not overload her mouth with your tongue. Rather, insert your tongue gently and curiously touch different parts of her mouth with it. Her gums, lips, and tongue need the attention. Just not too much of it. Try to think of it like your tongue is tickling hers. You don’t want to smother her tongue. You don’t want to viciously molest it. You do want to caress it. Keep it gentle and sensual.
Know what to do with your eyes
There’s an easily distinguishable line between creepy and sexy when it comes to having your eyes open during a kiss. You don’t want to have them open the whole time; that’s creepy. You can, however, occasionally peep at your date while you are sharing a kiss. You don’t have to have your eyes tightly shut the whole time. It’s a turn on to see how she is enjoying the moment. It’s nice to gauge whether she’s having as nice a time as you are. Just don’t keep your eyes open for too long. If she catches you staring, she might get creeped out simply because she has no idea how long you’ve been looking at her during the romantic moment.
Those are a few different ways of how to be a good kisser, although I’m sure there a lot more things that I didn’t even touch on. Let me know if these tips work for you!
Online dating is now a widely accepted and even a preferred method of meeting singles. Once stigmatized as a “last ditch” approach to meeting people, it is now more popular than ever before… And growing!
There is no user manual for getting started, however, and some are confounded by this new form of matchmaking. But have no fear! I have compiled a beginner’s guide to online dating to help you get started.
Choose the Right Service
Finding the right online dating service is vital to meeting matches that are relevant to you. There is a dating website to fill every niche, so it is important to decide exactly what you are looking for and the kind of people you expect to meet.
Your two main options when it comes to these services are general or niche. General dating websites cater to everyone but are mainly used by those without specific needs. Niche dating sites are designed for those who are looking for something specific, such as a partner of a specific religious sect or sexuality.
If your needs can’t be met by general dating services, I recommend finding something to suit your niche. If, however, you can get by with a match from the general population a general dating website is preferable because they tend to attract the most people, giving you a numbers advantage.
That said, there is nothing preventing you from signing up for multiple services. Just keep in mind that this option may be more costly and time-consuming.
Create Your Profile
Once you decide on the service(s) you want to use, the signup process will involve creating a user profile. This should not be taken lightly because your user profile is the only way that people on any given site will get to know you.
The most important profile element is the photo. For better or for worse, most people will either pass or pursue based on the main picture in your profile alone. That is why it is crucial that you use the right one. Although there are many things to consider, here are some surefire tips for success:
Smile! A simple smile can increase your perceived attractiveness.
Include your body. Posting a full portrait gives off an air of confidence because you have nothing to hide.
Take some high-quality shots. Generally speaking, the higher quality the photo, the better you will look.
No duck face. Enough said!
If you need help getting the perfect shot for your online profile, feel free to
contact me –your favorite NYC Wingwoman for Profile Photography rates!
Next, it’s important to add as many details to your profile without giving too much away. This is a balance that only you can determine, but it’s a good idea to speak in a frank, chipper, and optimistic tone.
Ultimately, you should be yourself. Your dating profile is an image of who you are and the best impression you can make is a true one.
When you complete your profile you can begin browsing the other user profiles. It may seem overwhelming at first, but in time you will learn how to filter out the relevant matches from the irrelevant ones and even work out a system that you abide by in order to optimize your time on the site.
You will probably also get messages from people interested in you. That’s the beauty of the system; you’re ‘out there’ even when you’re offline and doing other things.
Eventually, you will find someone who piques your interest and that’s where things become interesting. At that point, the process is very similar to real life dating. You have to break the ice initially and then strike up a conversation to determine how well you connect. If you think you’ve found a match, you might be ready to…
Make a Date!
Planning a date should feel natural for both parties. After all, you and your match have been chatting it up and likely know enough about one another to plan the perfect meetup.
At this point, things are pretty much as you may have experienced in your dating life up until now. If you like your date, you can go out again; if not, you can pursue other people online. Eventually, you will find someone with whom you click.
If you want to learn more about this topic I recommend checking out DatingSpot.co.uk as resident expert Pauline Plott gives away great tips and tricks for online dating!
Do you ever notice that girls you so obviously stick in the friend zone end up being the ones who can’t seem to get over you? Why is this even happening? These are girls who you have burped around, joked with, and never tried to impress. Meanwhile, the women you have been trying to impress are having none of it. The world has gone topsy-turvy. Do girls really go for guys who don’t care? If only the women you’re pursuing liked you the way your girl friends do…
You Don’t Care… and That’s What Attracts Your Friends
The very thing you’ve been doing to cause the girls in the friend zone to become disinterested makes them interested. But that’s what women love! We like seeing your raw, open, vulnerable self. We enjoy seeing the banter between you and your younger sibling. We don’t mind if you burp (so long as you say “Excuse me” after). We understand that you’re only human and thus far from perfect. Guys who don’t care are easy to be around. Even when you stick a girl in the friend zone, she’ll still be able to see your sense of humor, your lazy fashion sense, and she knows that you don’t actually go to the gym four times a week. And it’s awesome! You might have a dark sense of humor but it’s not half as weird as you think it is. You may not always put a lot of effort into your outfit but it’s nice to see a guy who isn’t obsessed with his appearance. It’s refreshing to see guys who don’t care.
You Care Too Much About Impressing Your Dates
And now we go to the flip side. When you go on dates, it’s easy to want to show off your best self. But sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes, it’s actually too much. Women want to find someone relatable. Maybe even a bit of a bad boy. If you suppress your sense of humor because you’re worried they won’t be into it or if you spend too much time getting dressed for the date than you should, it’s going to count against you. When you hang out with a girl you want to date, try relaxing a bit more. Guys who don’t care have a higher chance of getting women. It’s odd but true. So show off your sense of humor. Don’t spend so much time messing with your clothes. Because sometimes, women can tell if a date feels staged. Sometimes women just want to be with guys who don’t care.
In the almost 5 years that I’ve been working as an online dating coach Nyc Wingwoman, I’ve noticed how the attitude towards online dating has changed in a positive direction. That’s why I’m not surprised that according to a new Pew Research study, 42 percent of all Americans know an online dater. When my husband and I met over the internet 5 years ago, we have often concealed the truth of our learning. In recent years, however, not only have more and more couples come to know online, but they are also part of it.
Today, 59 percent of Internet users see online dating as a great way to get to know people. It is hardly surprising that customers who have a nose for a few years now agree with me and consider online dating as one of the most important methods of getting to know each other. But only because it “makes everyone”, does not mean that everyone is successful with it.
To my courses and workshops, 75 percent of women who want to improve their approach to dates are registered. They complain most frequently that they do not get beyond the first date. The men in my seminars often fail before the first date. This shows us that many men, with their approach, are beginning to frighten women unintentionally at the outset. And at the same time, do nothing to change that.
Here are the reasons why men fail online dating – and what they can do about it.
1. Men Need Help – According to the Pew study, 30 percent of women get support when writing or revising their profile on a dating site. For men it is only 16 percent. For fear of being unmanly, men do not deal with the way in which they write to the female target group. While women visit workshops, experiment with different photos, and use flirt trainers, friends, or relatives to work their sentences, men still do not know what really matters.
2. Male minimalism does not pull here – “Wow, you look great!” May still work in the disco, but such uncreative statements fall on deaf ears when they are online, and they go straight into the paper basket as part of a research project at Dear Mrs D, Inc.we have determined that men write mostly news without subject or with boring subject lines such as “Hi”. So if you take the time to consider a few more exciting phrases, you will notice immediately.
3. Men lie in their dating profiles tremendously –A study on online dating proved that men in most categories are much dizzier than women. Surprisingly, not only in terms of size and income but also in age. Almost a third of the men cheated at their birthdays, while the women were only 17 percent. In the search for a fixed relationship, lies in the profile are absolutely unacceptable.
4. Men need competition – On dating sites, you usually do not see who you are competing with. It is also much easier to send a non-committal e-mail than to speak to a woman in a bar. That is why men tend to write the hottest woman on the side. While women are more likely to judge men according to different criteria such as humour, reliability and intellect, and place less emphasis on images, men are easily distracted by optics and dimensions.
Still, for men when online dating is not lost. Thanks to new tools, features and apps, online dating are now as easy and safe as ever for both sexes. If the men get a little help and pay more attention to the subtleties, they will soon be able to match the women. Then, as today, only 66 percent of all online dads will actually get a date ashore, but from almost any virtual connection could become a real one.
Facebook was launched in early 2004. Though originally founded as a social site for college students, it has quickly expanded its reach and reason for existing. One of its uses has been for men to hit on women. And while it’s perfectly fine to converse with women on Facebook, there are a few things you should monitor about yourself. If you catch yourself doing any of these “don’ts” below, you may want to change your angle of approaching women.
Know How to Present Yourself
While women may not always hold out for attractive men, we do pay attention to how you are going to present yourself online. And women on Facebook can be brutal. Are you wearing a tank top? That will probably make us think you’re immature or a douche. Are you shirtless? Put that shirt back on. Ladies will usually perceive you as being self-obsessed. Is the picture more than a year old? Update it to a current one. Maybe you weren’t sporting facial hair back then and now you are. Women will want to know what you presently look like. Also, if you upload a profile picture that really accentuates your features and was taken professionally, there is always the possibility that women will take you for a fake. Catfishing is too real, guys. Seriously.
If you use a “sexy” photo in order to entice women on Facebook to either message you or message you back, the odds are that your plan will backfire. Why? Because women aren’t engineered in the same way guys are! We’re not solely attracted to someone’s physical features. Seeing a guy message us and noticing his profile picture is of him without a shirt on is a turn off. More often than not, women on Facebook will think that you are too self-focused and shallow.
Also, it’s hard to ignore memes on the internet. Some may even like memes so much they want to make one their main photo. Or perhaps guys will do an active sport and feature an image of them in action. These pictures are great to post on your wall or in an album. However, if your face cannot be clearly seen in your main picture, you might want to change it out. Women aren’t going to spend time poring over your photos trying to find a decent image of what your face looks like. If they see your profile picture but can’t see your face, it’s not going to make women on Facebook interested in you.
What you will want to use is a photo that shows you in a sociable state. Women on Facebook want to know that you’re not another quiet guy who forgoes enjoying a good party for the sake of staying at home and watching old Futurama episodes. Take a picture or — even better — use a picture that someone else has taken of you. If you use a candid photograph that makes you look awesome, then it will show that you don’t just sit around taking selfies.
Be Ready to Approach Her
Now that you’ve gotten a proper photo of you online, you’re bound to see more success when you message women on Facebook. The next step is to compliment her. But not in the way you might think. Contrary to sliding into her DMs like “You have an amazing body” or “Do you send pics?” you will want to take a little less forward approach… while still giving her a proper compliment.
How many times have you created the same exact message and then proceeded to send it off to several women? Believe me, that kind of stuff is just waiting to get screenshotted and laughed at in a group message amongst those girls and their friends. The last thing you want to do is just create some generic message that you can shoot off to any women you find decently attractive. The first thing you should do is go to her profile. Even find her Instagram if you can. Find out what she likes and what she is passionate about.
Once you’ve sorted out what she’s into, capitalize on that. Is she constantly posting pictures of dog memes? If you have a dog, that’s such an easy way in. You can send her a picture of your dog and accompany it with a funny caption. If you can tell her favorite food is pizza, work that into your opening line.
Basically, know something about her. After that, assume something about her. This might seem a bit sketchy, but just bear with me.
If she digs dogs, assume that she’s the kind of person who runs up to strangers on the street begging to pet their pooch. If she’s into pizza, assume that she’s a diehard fan of pizza who refuses to bring pineapple anywhere near their perfect slice. Mention that assumption to her and then tie your opinion in with it. If you prefer cats, offer a counterargument to dogs. If you think that pineapple was born to be put on pizza, let her know that.
In many cases, these sorts of openers can be better choices than questions. Women may feel like you’re trying too hard if you immediately greet them with a question as you try to draw them out. Take a more laid-back approach. Be relatable. Be sure that you have a good picture. Don’t be too aggressive and make sure to have a fun time meeting someone new!