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The currant campaign for President has been anything but inspiring. People are angry on every side and the candidates seem to be trapped in a media snare with little substance being proposed. With so much at stake like the replacement of multiple Supreme Court Judges and the religious rights rabid reply to LGBT progress in this country, I think it is well past time for someone who is truly out of the establishment to come to the rescue and throw their hat into the ring. With that said, I formally announce my candidacy for President 2016. Here are the ten reasons I believe you should cast your vote for Mona Lott!

1.Look at me and the shape I’m in, I’m a perfect fit for the oval office. http://content.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1951831,00.html

2.The only Secret Service I’ll need is the one that helps me tuck my manhood between my legs!   http://www.secretservice.gov/about/faqs/       

      3.When I give the State of The Union Address, I’ll check with Google Maps first. I think it’s somewhere on Melrose!

https://www.whitehouse.gov/sotu


4.Vote for me, because I believe America has outgrown the two party system, so I’ll only have threesomes at my parties!

https://www.quora.com/Has-the-U-S-outgrown-the-2-party-system

5.Vote for me, because if Donald wins, he is so full of shit that he will turn Air Force One into Air Force Two! I on the other hand will only turn it into Air Force Tutu!

6. I know how to take care of Isis. First I will take away her magic amulet and force her to live life as Andrea Thomas. Shazam!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ6ZDQZV9nA

7. I will support Right To Life……….by not ramming my car into any group of idiots gathered at an Anti Abortion Rally!

https://newrepublic.com/article/124829/roots-pro-lifers-dangerous-rhetoric

8. Vote for me because when I’m tasked with picking my cabinet, I’m going to Home Depot!

https://services.homedepot.com/kitchen-remodel-core/?cm_mmc=SEM|THD|G|HS|D29K|Cabinet|Install&mid=s25Uuz9RZ|dc_mtid_8903w8352010_pcrid_123019960458_pkw_home%20depot%20cabinets_pmt_e_&gclid=Cj0KEQjw6O-9BRDjhYXH2bOb8Z4BEiQAWRduk6NYlI5NEQZazgcSwmR6cxbfjSfVPWrRGh1hAhSp644aAqMR8P8HAQ

9.Every President needs his vice. Mine will be nipple clamps and licking frosting off of Channing Tatums Ass!

http://superficialguys.blogspot.com/2013/02/channing-tatum-pictures-butt-magic-mike.html

10.Vote for me because I pledge, NO BOOTS ON THE GROUND. Because I like my military boys on their backs with their boots in the air!!

If you want the x-rated site I found for military boys, subscribe to my blog and comment, “send me the good stuff!”

So there you have it. Ten reasons to elect Mona Lott President of The United States in 2016! I mean really, Politics are a drag, isn’t it time we had one as a politician??

***If this made you chuckle and you don’t want to miss out on any of Mona Lott’s Drag Up Your Life posts, PLEASE subscribe and you will be the first to know when a new post is up. ***

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I know what you’re thinking, “Are drag queens really happy?” It’s a good question because a lot of drag queens have sad and pathetic life stories to tell. They suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, family rejection, poverty, hell one well known drag queen was  even left at a bus stop by his mother at a young age. But the truth of the matter is, no matter how uncomfortable the tuck or how painful the heels, these girls are trudging forward in pursuit of that elusive state of being, called happiness. Drag queens know how to laugh at themselves and how to find the funny in tragedy. Drag Queens might be fighting demons as mentioned above, but then, who doesn’t have demons to fight. So how do you drag your life to happiness? Well, you have to place one open toed pump in front of the other and take the first step.

The first thing I did in my pursuit to drag queen happiness was learn to live mindfully. What does that mean? Is this some new age bullshit you’re spouting Mona? Well yes and no. It seems to be the centerpiece of buddhism and their is nothing new about that. The Buddha learned long ago that to live in the past was futile and depressing and that worrying about the future that may or may not happen, makes no sense. So how do you live in the present? Train your mind to not dwell in the past, simply be aware when you are and tell yourself, I don’t need to think about that now. Remembering old hurts and sadness actually cause your body to physically recreate those emotions and who wants to go through it again? And in the same sense, when worrying about the future, remind yourself, that it has not happened yet and may not happen at all. Take a deep breath and think about where you are at this moment. Are you warm, safe, satiated? Anything could happen in the future. Publishers Clearing House could knock on your door tomorrow with a five million dollar paycheck. The government could announce that all Student Loan Debt is being forgiven. An old friend could call and offer you a great job in their company or you could inherit a comfortable home, or some scientist might find a cure for Cancer tomorrow or some queen might hand you down a gorgeous gown that has been hanging in her closet because she is too fat for it now and you are still slim and gorgeous and it would look fantastic on you!! So why worry that you won’t have enough money to pay rent at the end of the month or that you will have to be reprimanded at work by that ugly, ass kissing bitch who managed to slime her way to supervisor when the truth is ANYTHING could happen? So live mindfully, in the moment and if you still need to understand more, read my previous blog, http://monalottsdragupyourlife.com/index.php/2016/08/10/zen-and-the-art-of-drag/

Zen and The Art of Drag

Living mindfully and being in the moment helped me overcome great anxiety and taught me to have faith in myself and know that somehow the Universe would give me what I need to get past any adversary. But to get there, I found that I had to develop gratitude too. Sometimes, it seems that the world is not giving you everything that you need to get through rough times. Maybe instead of finding a job and being accepted as a tenant for that great apartment you instead find yourself on employment and moving back in with your Mom and Dad. It’s really easy to see this as an awful time in your life and to feel sorry for yourself and to chase happiness away. Remember happiness, that’s what were trying to find right? Instead you should be very grateful that you qualify for unemployment and that not only are your Mom and Dad still alive, but they still love you enough to help you out and give you a place to live while you get back on your feet. Take a deep breath, your safe, satiated, warm, just like in that mindfulness activity up above. There are others who would give everything to see their parents alive again or to have a roof over their head instead of an overpass, so yes, you should be very grateful! When you stop taking things for granted and find time each day to be grateful and thankful for what you have, you’ll let a little more of that happiness into your life. Bitch, I only got tipped ten dollars on that last number. Gurrrrl, try again, be grateful, because that queen over there just had her purse stolen!!

C.S. Lewis said, “Don’t think less of yourself as a person, but think of yourself less, focusing more on betterment of yourself for the sake of those around you, rather than for your own ego.” It’s a big statement but somewhere in there is a little bit of happiness. Buddha would call it compassion, Jesus might call it the golden rule and I might just say, “Bitch! Be Nice!!” It’s true though, when I began to focus more on others and less on myself, I found a great deal more happiness. When I started doing drag, I was performing numbers that I loved or songs that had special meaning for me, without taking into consideration my audience and their connections. And guess what? They weren’t received with all that much appreciation. Sure I might have sang them well or had a great costume for the song, but I was performing for my ego and not my audiences satisfaction. When I finally began to realize that my audience was more important than me and that I needed to involve my fans and give them fun and laughter like they wanted, I started to hit my stride and get some recognition. People would come up to me and say, “You just made my night!” or “I’ve been so sick and not feeling well, but you made me laugh so hard that I’m feeling much better now.” and I would feel so HAPPY!! It was an explosion in my mind when I figured out that If I could make my audience laugh or smile, if I could get them to forget their troubles or worries for a five minute number or a twenty minute set or a ninety minute show, then I was happy too!! Caring about others and nurturing compassion for them and trying to make them happy for a brief time was making me happy too! So yeah, know that you are fierce but stop thinking OF yourself so much and think more about others. You’ll be the one who benefits the most.

No, No, Nanette - Original Broadway Cast: I Want to Be Happy - YouTube

Let’s get Physical

Which brings me to a step that indeed will take you closer to happiness, but one that for some reason goes against everything I want to do. Prepare yourself, this is a very nasty word with so much negativity applied to it. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? Well you better stand up and get moving because the next step is EXERCISE!!! Yeah, I know, you hate it, but believe me you don’t hate it more than this 300 pound bitch in a dress does! It’s true though, exercise even moderate exercise affects the chemicals in your body and can make you happier. Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins get a boost from exercise and that boost is scientifically proven to make you happier! Now I’m the last one to lecture anyone about exercise because I really do hate it with a passion, but even so, I know when I’m lazy and inactive and creating a life size Mona dent in the sofa that’s when I don’t feel well. I’m diabetic and my blood sugar gets out of whack and I stop having the energy I need to get on stage or write new jokes or to even create this blog. Just lacking the energy to do those things that make me happy makes me unhappy and yes Mr. Science, the lack of Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins keep me from feeling happy too! So should you get out the check book and write that 500 dollar check to Fatty Fitness? No, I suggest that you just try to walk more. Get a pedometer or use that step counter on your phone and set a reasonable daily goal. Every day you should try and reach the goal and maybe take a few more steps. Walk somewhere that makes you happy for an added boost. Around the lake, or through the park or to the closest Krispy Kreme Doughnuts! Ok, maybe not Krispy Kreme, but by walking you will boost those chemicals and make yourself happier. You could even spend that time walking by thinking about what you are grateful for today! I’m grateful that the wind is at my back and that I lost all feeling in my feet about a mile ago!

So I saved the best step for last. I think you will like this one. The last one is, LIVE YOUR DREAMS!! Studies have been done with people who were facing the end of thier lives and when they were asked about what they would have done differently, honoring their dreams was the most common answer. When it all comes down to the end, the biggest regrets will not be wearing that mullet to prom in the eighties or selling that stock in Apple back in 1992 or even giving up your virginity to Johnny Dipshit at the Junior Homecoming dance. NO, the biggest regret will be the things you didn’t do, the places you didn’t visit or the skydiving jump you didn’t take. And yes, I know that I don’t have enough tips to finance a trip to Egypt to see the pyramids, but I can start a savings account for it. Maybe put $50 dollars a month in it. I can start researching tours and plane fares and what kind of lodging exists there. Studies show that most people get more joy out of a planning a trip than actually going anyway. At least I can start working towards the goal of going! When I was living and going to school in New York City, the subway I took home from work every night stopped right inside the World Trade Center. My last night in New York, I realized that I had never gotten off and explored the towers or gone to the top and so I jumped off. I spent a couple of hours on the observation deck, staring at the skyline and the gorgeous view of the Brooklyn Bridge. As I watched the towers fall on 9-11, I remember thinking how glad I was that I had taken the time that night to see those magnificent towers. So yeah, pick a few dreams and decide to make them happen. You’ll be happier that you did. I live my dreams every time I step on stage. And all that experience led me to Vegas and Las Angeles where I got to be on national television and in a major motion picture which helped me live two more of my biggest dreams. Sure, I was just an extra in that motion picture, but I’m still grateful that I ended up in the final cut. So grateful that I might walk down to the redbox and rent a copy to show all my friends. Maybe I’ll even throw a movie party for my friends and see if I can make them happier for a couple of hours. Be happy my friends. Put on those pumps and take five fierce drag queen steps!

If you liked what you read here and want more wonderful drag queen tips, please subscribe to Monalottsdragupyourlife.com!

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It’s a little after midnight as I write this, meaning election night 2016 is over. Even with the dawning of a new day, as I toggle back and forth between CNN and reruns of Everybody Hates Chris, the election hasn’t been decided, though it looks very much like what I thought was impossible is possible and The United States has elected a homophobic, racist, misogynistic, adulterous, xenophobic, Russian conspiring, Nazi sympathizing, lying, corrupt, tax evading, sexual assaulting, morally bankrupt, ethically challenged despot and miscreant as President. Like so many of my friends and loved ones, I too am feeling the pain, a sickness in my stomach, a mind numbing disbelieving headache and welling of tears in my eyes, but I’m also mad as hell! Anger can create a lot of problems and it can accelerate others, but anger can also be an inspirational encouragement. As a gay man and the grandson of a Mexican immigrant I realize we have been in this position before and we did not just sit back and suck it up and revel in our sorrow and despair, no, we heard the call and we rallied and we fought for what was right and just! So as I try to wrap my brain around what the next four years will bring us, I also am finding the motivation to continue the fight that drag queens and my gay brothers and sisters have fought for decades, even centuries. I flat-out refuse to believe that hate trumps love and see the next four years as a challenge, a test, an obstacle course that all my liberal, evolved, compassionate, loving com padres must rise up against and so when faced with a Trump presidency what do we do? I have five suggestions for facing the next four years with our forty-fifth president. 

  1. WE FIGHT BACK!

Fight Back like The Stonewall Riots

Now is NOT the time to be complacent. Don’t get mad, get busy! When my drag queen sisters and gay and lesbian ancestors had suffered enough of the discrimination and intimidation that was prevalent in  1969 they picked up bricks and bottles and rocks and fought back for three days and started the gay revolution! This is not the first time we have faced adversity! I’m not proposing that you riot, but fight back instead with your time and your heart! Write your senators and let them know that you are not about to give up your civil rights, especially the ones that we have fought so hard to attain. Let them know that you vote and that you have all kinds of electronic devices now to help you remember and document those politicians who try to repeal marriage equality, or try to take away a woman’s right to choose or who succumb to the religious right and try to pass legislation allowing them to discriminate against gays, immigrants or minorities. Then vote against those bastards when the midterm elections come up in two years and get involved! Volunteer to work the phones or pass out literature or register voters! Call your party’s headquarters and ask them what you can do to help. Donate money to those politicians who run with the compassion to care about equality and woman’s rights and immigration reform that doesn’t threaten but assists immigrants in becoming Americans, Americans who also vote! If you can’t donate money, than help raise money! Have a bake sale, put on a drag show, sponsor a roller skating party or collect aluminum cans and give the proceeds to the proper organizations like Planned Parenthood https://www.plannedparenthood.org/, Cabrini Immigrant Services https://www.immigrationadvocates.org, GLAAD http://www.glaad.org/, RAIIN https://www.rainn.org/index.php, Move On http://front.moveon.org/, Americans United For Change http://americansunitedforchange.org/, 21st Century Democrats http://www.21stcenturydems.org/, Stonewall Democrats http://www.stonewalldemocrats.us/ and American Constitution Society http://www.acslaw.org/. Volunteer your time to these organizations or do a damn Google Search to find other organizations that align with your progressive beliefs! 

     2. WE MARCH!

That’s right we march! Just like Motermouth Mabel sings in Hairspray, “there’s a road we must travel!” 

I Know Where I've Been - Hairspray - YouTube

If they want to take the country back fifty years in policy, then we must return to the history books to discover how our predecessors rose up against them! New York City had the first Gay Pride Parade in 1970 and since then millions of people, gay, straight, lesbian, transgender or otherwise have marched world-wide for equality! In 1965 Martin Luther King led a five-day, fifty-four mile march from Selma Alabama to Montgomery in an effort to secure voting rights for blacks. Before that in 1963 he led the historic march on Washington where he delivered his memorable “I have a dream” speech. In March of 1930 Mahatma Gandhi marched 241 miles across western India in a non violent protest. In 1977 that homophobic bitch, Anita Bryant and her “save our children” campaign won an election in Dade County that made it legal to discriminate against gays and lesbians and Harvey Milk led over 3000 San Francisco protesters from the Castro on a five-mile march through the city chanting, “Out of the bars and into the streets!” Milk declared at that time, “This is the power of the gay community. Anita’s going to create a national gay force!” And so I say to you, “this is the power of the progressive left! Donald is going to create a national Progressive force!” March to be visible! March to gain attention! March to let them know that we are together and will not stand still for anyone to take away our civil rights or to sexually assault our loved ones or to deport our immigrant friends or to intimidate and discriminate against those who have faiths that differ from Donald’s evangelical supporters!

     3. WE LOVE!

Martin Luther King on loving ones enemies

We must embrace each other and let our loved ones know that they are not alone! And when we have embraced our loved ones we must reach out to our neighbors and our community and then strangers and even our opposition. I know what you’re thinking, “Dis is not RuPaul’s best friends race” cuz like Lashauwn Beyond, I’m thinking the same thing. So this is really hard, like really, really hard for me to grasp, to understand and ultimately to act upon, but we must love our enemies. I know, I know, you’re thinking there is no way you can love The Donald or his supporters and you’re even wondering why you should, but if the teachings of Christ or Buddha or even Hillary Clinton mean anything this is the most important step we can take. By harboring hate for our enemies we hurt ourselves. Hate raises our blood pressure and causes ulcers and changes our mindset in ways that make us act inappropriately and even cause us to lash out and hurt those we love. Hate for our enemies can only cause them to hate us back and it only causes more harm as the actions of both parties begin to spread damage to those around them. Hating our enemies can make them feel grief, anxiety and fear and though that might make us smile in some sort of retaliatory way, it’s never good to hurt another human being and the karma we produce will surely bite us in the butt sometime. By loving our enemies, we might just create a friend, an advisory who we might get to see the errors of their ways and bring them over from the dark side. I have to confess, I’ve banned several people from my Facebook page if not my life in the last few months for supporting Trump. I’ve said over and over that I take it personal when a friend or loved one supports a man who proposes taking my civil rights away and who advocates a sickening practice of convergence therapy. But somewhere in my heart I knew I was wrong for hating them, for being angry with them and choosing to sever ties. Now I realize that I need to do as it says in the bible, not because I believe in the word of God, I’m an atheist for crying out loud, but because it’s good advice. “Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” and if that doesn’t work for you then how about the advice of The Akkadian Council of Wisdom, “Do not return evil to your adversary; Requite with kindness the one who does evil to you, Maintain justice for your enemy, Be friendly to your enemy” or the teachings of Buddha, “Shame on him who strikes, greater shame on him who strikes back. Let us live happily, not hating those who hate us. Let us therefore overcome anger by kindness, evil by good, falsehood by truth. Do not hurt others in ways that would be hurtful to yourself.” or just the simple campaign slogan of Hillary Clinton, “We are stronger together!”

4. WE BOYCOTT!

Boycotts like the one against Colorado when Amendment 2 was passed, work.

Rosa Parks, a black woman, refused to give up her seat and move to the back of the bus in 1955 as per the law. Her subsequent arrest inspired community organizer Jo Ann Robinson and Martin Luther King to create the Montgomery Bus Boycott. Since blacks were 3/4th of the Montgomery bus clientele, they discovered that their boycott had power and in 1956 the US Supreme Court declared the Montgomery bus segregation laws to be unconstitutional. In 1965 Filipino farm workers walked off the job unhappy with being some of the lowest paid workers in the United States and wanting to obtain a minimum wage equal to other workers. Cesar Chavez joined their fight creating the United Farm Workers of America UFA and leading a boycott of table grapes that had fourteen million Americans refusing to buy grapes. The boycott was successful and in 1969 the Delano growers signed contracts with the UFA.  Aristophanes wrote a play called Lysistrata in which the heroine by the same name convinces the women of Athens to withhold sex from their lovers until they end the war with Sparta. In 2002 the women of Sudan followed suit, refusing sex with their husbands in an effort to end the Sudanese Civil War. It took three years but in 2005 a peace treaty was signed. In 1992 Colorado passed amendment 2, making it the first state to legalize discrimination against gays and lesbians. A boycott of Colorado followed with 60 companies cancelling conventions scheduled for Colorado, 20 U.S. municipalities severing ties with Colorado, New York City cancelling a contract for new municipal buses and Ziff-Davis Publishing deciding not to relocate their business to Colorado costing the state one-billion dollars in revenue over a five-year period.  A year later, the amendment was overturned and the boycott lifted. This past July on the last night of the Republicans National Convention, the NBA dropped a bombshell and boycotted North Carolina over their anti gay “bathroom bill” HB2 and pulled the NBA All Star Game out of Charlotte. The boycott will cost Charlotte businesses $100,000,000 in lost revenue and though it stands at this time, the opposition towards the bill is growing stronger with more and more organizations calling for the repeal of HB2. So, now is the time to boycott Trump and a good place to start is https://www.facebook.com/notes/ryan-mack/boycott-trump-list-of-of-companies-to-refuse-to-support/10150222197459365/. Remember, you can boycott his companies but you can also boycott any company that supports him, or endorses him. 

5. WE DANCE!

Ellen degeneres dances - YouTube

Finally, we dance! You heard me, follow Ellen DeGeneres’ advice and dance! Dancing helps support a healthy weight, it improves balance and coördination and it improves your posture! Dance also has a wonderful effect on the brain, releasing endorphins that cause happiness! Dancing helps your brain in learning and retaining information and it’s therapeutic allowing a person to express them self and to release emotion instead of letting it fester inside and it increases problem solving skills and helps with creative thinking! We’ll need all these skills and more to defeat Trump in four years and to keep him from destroying this country before then. Most of all though, dancing shows them that we have not been beaten, we are not defeated and we are not about to fall in line and when they see us dancing in total disregard of Trumps hateful ways, it will drive them batshit crazy! And if that weren’t enough reasons to catch Saturday Night Fever or to kick off your Sunday shoes and cut footloose or to pull baby out of the corner for some dirty dancing, remember this; if you’re dancing fast and furious, it’s a hell of a lot harder to grab you by the pussy!!

Mona Lott has been seen on Comedy Central, The Game Show Network and NBC. She has performed at the Hollywood Improv and the Los Angeles Comedy Store and headlined “The Short Bus Comics Show” in Las Vegas. She holds all the balls in her one woman bingo show, “Ball Bustin’ Bingo” and hosted her hit show, “Stripped Down Stand Up” at The Denver Improv. Her new show, “Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show” promises to be “Lott’s” of fun as, “the game show for the socially unacceptable.” The Las Vegas Weekly calls her, “Original, funny and a little twisted!” Yellow Scene magazine said, “She excels as one of the most inventive bingo callers to exist” and The Denver Westword referred to her as, “Less of a Drag Queen than a Drag Empress” and said, “When it comes to sarcasm, merciless wit and explosive eye-candy, Mona Lott rises above the rest with her outrageous topical prescriptions”. Named Denver’s Outstanding Drag Queen by OutFront Colorado for 2014 and winning the title of Miss Denver County Fair 2015 she is more popular than ever!

Mona is available for emcee or feature work and all three of her shows can be booked as well. For booking information please contact her at 720-227-1304 or by email at tsbeast@Hotmail.com.

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My coming out story:

My high school graduating class of 1986

I graduated High School in Loveland Colorado in 1986. Yes bitches, I’m THAT OLD! At that time in a small town like Loveland, you kept it a big secret if you were “different” and I did. I vocally called other “different” kids in my class faggots and queers and was never shy about showing my disdain. I did it with much regret later in life, but at the time it was self-defense, a way to hopefully throw suspicion off of myself and thereby spare myself from the physical and verbal abuse so socially acceptable at the time. I knew I was a good actor, because I did it every day of my life, so well that a good friend pulled me aside to warn me that UNC, the college I was headed to, was “full of gay people. Especially in the theater department.” She continued, “I know you hate gays, but I hope you can prepare yourself to accept them.” I feigned disgusted resolve, but in my head I was giddy as hell! Accept them? I wanted their fucking phone numbers.

At UNC, my roommate came out and he eventually moved to another room because, “he can’t accept that I’m gay!” Little did he know that I was borrowing his porn every chance I could and spending hours in the University Library reading James Baldwin, Amistad Maupin and “Ready To Catch Him Should He Fall” by Neil Bartlett. When I couldn’t find authors of gay stories, I read medical books and psychology books, anything that talked about homosexuality. I never checked those books out though, scared that my name would be on some list of “UNC faggots” or “Girly Boys of Greeley!” I just hid in a remote corner of that building and read as fast as I could while looking over my shoulder, afraid that someone would see what I was so focused on.

The Village Cigar Shop On Christopher Street

So a year later, I ended up going to NYC. Not just because I was transferring to one of the best acting schools in the Nation, The American Academy of Dramatic Arts, but because I think subconsciously I knew I needed to go far away in order to feel safe about coming out. My first night in NYC I started walking, exploring and not really knowing where I was headed. I ended up in Greenwich Village, on Christopher Street, home of The Stonewall Inn and affectionately called, “the gayest street in the world” There must have been a beacon that summoned me to the Village, because once I was there, it was late, dark, cold and I was lost! Good thing I could still see the Empire State Building, because I was staying just down the street at The Sloan House YMCA. I just kept walking towards that red light shining in the night sky where I had only seen King Kong before. The next day I returned to Christopher Street and applied for a job at Lilac Chocolates, and I got hired. I quickly learned that all of my coworkers were gay and that the woman who owned the shop had taken it over from her brother, who was also gay and sadly dying of AIDS. Those were the days when AIDS was a death sentence and another reason to keep my closet door firmly closed.

My first home in NYC, The Sloan House YMCA

Being in NYC and at an acting school, I was surrounded by gays and gay culture. Hell, I was living at the YMCA, but alas, still pretty ignorant of gayness all around me, which I guess attributed to my confusion when a gorgeous blonde Norwegian boy smiled at me in the YMCA showers where all the shower curtains had been slashed about waist level. My acting partner and my secret crush at The Academy was a Sicilian who taught English to Italian Americans at night and repeatedly let me down in class. Turns out he had a drinking problem and would conveniently be absent on days we were scheduled to perform our acting scene. The night before Thanksgiving, a class mate threw a party and the Italian boy was there. We walked uptown and saw all the Macy Thanksgiving floats laying half limp on the streets and watched the NYPD put up barricades and  direct traffic.

We ended up back at the flat of one of my favorite classmates, a blonde from Florida with big tits, blue eyes and a hysterical point of view that kept me in stitches and who eventually ended up playing Tinker Bell back at Disney World in Orlando. Dominick the Italian, absentee, alcoholic, scene partner had locked himself in the bathroom of my big bosomed court jester and I was told he was crying.
Never being one lacking of charm, I somehow managed to get Dominick to unlock the bathroom door and I found him sitting on the commode, crying as reported. Dominick proceeded to tell me his tale of woe, which centered around the Texas male model James, who had captured his heart from across our acting classroom. Between breaths and wet sobs Dominick said to me a sentence that has forever been echoing in my ears. “I knew James was gay as soon as I saw him, just like I knew you were,” I heard in a Sicilian accent and the words made my heart skip several beats.

How I felt learning my first crush was in love with someone else.

How had he known, what tell-tell clue had I given him? Was it my walk, my hand gestures, my lisp that our speech teacher had attributed to my many years of playing the saxophone? I wasn’t sure, but I instantly felt a sense of relief that someone knew my secret, but I was also feeling more fear than I had ever encountered at the annual Jaycee’s Haunted House back in Loveland. Underneath all the fear and confusion was also a broken heart. Dominick was in love with someone else and had already put me in the “friend” category and I hadn’t even left my closet yet!

So that was the beginning of my coming out story, that Thanksgiving Eve back in 1988. I continued to learn about gay New York from my “surrogate mother” Andrew, who was a fabric designer when he wasn’t wrapping boxes of chocolate with me at Lilac’s. And Andrew took me to my first gay bar. Andrew being of the New York Fashion scene had a great deal of style wearing a bow tie every day and enough class to finish each day of work with a Gin Martini at his favorite dyke bar every night after work. I learned that he patronized the dyke bar because their well gin was Bombay and cheaper than other bars that had Bombay on the call list. But one night as we stood waiting for the chocolate stores manager to pull the steel gate and lock it closed, Andrew asked if I would join him for a drink.
That night, Andrew forsake his beloved Bombay and took me to a bar in his own neighborhood of Chelsea. I had only recently turned twenty-one and believe it or not, NEVER touched alcohol before that landmark birthday, so the bar scene was not one I was too familiar with, at least no where as familiar with as Andrew was. Though I had allowed Dominick to know his  gay at first sight appraisal of me was correct, I had yet to let Andrew know that I was of the lavender persuasion. Needless to say, as I sipped on my Cape Cod and settled into the plush chair in this rather upscale bar I began to notice that Andrew and I were not the only guys in the bar. In fact there were only guys in the bar. Rather shyly, and looking back at it, rather coquettishly I asked Andrew, “did you just bring me to a gay bar?” Without batting an eyelash or even stopping the lifting of his martini glass to his lips, Andrew said, “yes I did.” And with that, my closet door swung wide open and I took a few steps out into the Technicolor rainbow lights.

Gay Figures in History

That year I explored my sexuality and orientation in ways that I had read about in that UNC library but had only previously dreamed about in my mind. I changed. I became stronger, happier and at the same time more bitter than I had ever been in my life. Why had I deprived myself of who I really was for twenty-one years? Why had I created my own unhappiness pretending to be something I wasn’t and forcing myself into a loneliness that had me contemplating how to kill myself on so many occasions. I was mad as hell. Mad at the community I had grown up in for making me think that what I was should be punished and shunned and ridiculed. Mad at the church that taught me to love Jesus, yet reaffirmed that Jesus could not love who I was. Mad at the school that never mentioned the brilliant Nikola Tesla, or Alan Turing who broke the German code that helped end WWII, or Leonardo Da Vinci or Alexander The Great who created one of the largest civilizations in world history or even Abraham Lincoln in a revealing way that would let a scared, lonely, fat kid know that he was not the only fag in the world and that yes indeed there were others and that they were great, amazing, brilliant, loving, talented and worthy of living a life full of happiness and contentment.

I carried that bitterness and anger right back to my parents house in Loveland where I had spent my high school years hiding in my bedroom staring at the male models on the package covers of the underwear my Mother bought me for back to school and reading plays like Torch Song Trilogy under the covers late at night. I carried that bitterness right up to the day my younger sister was proposed to by the man who would become my brother in-law. I carried that bitterness so close to my heart that when I learned of her impending nuptials, I was furious, angry and so unimpressed that I hurt her, in a way that I hope I never hurt her again. So I wrote her a note. I told her in that note, that with a great fear that she and my parents and my friends would stop loving me, that I was admitting to her that I was gay. I explained that my sexuality and my feelings of shame and not being able to proclaim my love had made me angry and not willing to accept or cheer for her good news and that I was sorry.

A Troll doll with rainbow hair, just like the one my sister gave me when I told her I was gay.

I don’t remember how I got the note to her, I know I either stuck it in under the door of her apartment or left it flapping under the windshield wiper of her car, but she got that piece of paper I know. I know because the next day at the yogurt shop that I managed, she came in with tears streaming down her face and a troll doll, a troll doll with Rainbow hair, and she handed it to me with a note of her own and then turned and left. That note and that troll doll are now saved somewhere in the basement in a box of my belongings and that note says something about how it didn’t matter and how she had already known and that she still loved me and wanted me to sing at her wedding.

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Drag Queens have enjoyed a new mainstream sort of fame since the inception and success of RuPaul’s Drag Race. As well-known as queens like Sharon Needles, Bianca Del Rio, Kim Chi, Jinxk Monsoon and Bob The Drag Queen have become recognized, there is a gaggle of fabulous queens who have gained notoriety without ever appearing on the show. I argue that these girls deserve fame and attention much more so than a Drag Race former contestant, as their illustrious preeminence has been achieved through much more stamina, hard work, time and perseverance than just being lucky enough to have been chosen for one television show. To prove my claim, I’ve listed five phenomenal drag queens who have never been asked to, “lip sync for your life.”

  1. Jackie Beat

Jackie’s list of credits is impressive and long, proving that this girl has more charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent

Drag Queen, Jackie Beat

than any one “Snatch Game” could capture. She has appeared on television shows like, Sex and The City and films like Flawless with Robert DeNiro and the horror flick, Gingerbread Man 3. She first got my attention with her stand-up comedy which has been featured on Comedy Central, VH-1, MTV and allowed her to tour with Roseanne as her opening act! Millions of people have been exposed to her brilliant song spoofs accessed on YouTube and in her Off-Broadway shows in which she sings everything live! A writers guild member, Jackie has worked on television shows like, Hype, Tripping The Rift and Fashion Police as well as writing jokes for Roseanne Barr’s Comedy Central Roast, Hello Ross and Stand-up In Stilettos. Having been called, “the greatest drag queen on Earth” by Roseanne even RuPaul had to say, “A true triple threat…Talent, Beauty and the Beat, Jackie has it all! A great talent, pure genius!”

Jackie Beat's "Jello" (Adele's "Hello") - YouTube

    2. Coco Peru

Miss Coco Peru is the creation of actor and comic Clinton Leupp Best known for her appearance in the movie, Girls

Drag Queen Coco Peru

Will Be Girls http://monalottsdragupyourlife.com/index.php/2016/09/15/ten-must-see-drag-movies/ Leupp studied theater at Adelphi University in Garden City New York and created Coco out of a desire to be an openly gay performer. At that time, an openly gay performer was rare but Leupp was inspired by performers Lily Tomlin and Bette Midler stating that they were able to express themselves and be activist, which is exactly what he wanted to do. In 1992 Leupp created his first one woman show, Coco Peru In My Goddamn Cabaret paving the way for several more award-winning shows starting Miss Peru. Appearing in television shows like New York Undercover and movies like Too Wong Foo, http://monalottsdragupyourlife.com/index.php/2016/09/15/ten-must-see-drag-movies/ and the independent film Trick, Leupp was well on his way to making Coco a drag icon. His starring role in Girls Will Be Girls in 2003 put him over the top and led to roles in Will and Grace, Arrested Development and Welcome to The Parker. Celebrated with prestigious awards from MAC, Backstage Bistro, GLAAD and LA’s Stage Alliance Ovation, Coco Peru has become synonymous with outstanding drag and illustrious theater. Leupp has said of the gay entertainment media that they are trying to appeal to middle America of which, he finds very disturbing because,  “I always felt that we as gay people were the leaders — we decided what was funny, what was hot in fashion. Now we are trying to figure out what Middle America accepts. I’m not interested in that. I’m not trying to appeal to Middle America, and that gay people are doing so only makes me angry.”

3. Varla Jean Merman

I had the pleasure of meeting and opening for Varla Jean Merman at the 2015 Austin International Drag Festival. A

Drag Queen, Varla Jean Merman

dynamo on the stage, performing original song spoofs sung effortlessly with great skill, Varla is also a kind, admirable and friendly person backstage, revealing a gorgeous physique in her alter ego boy form, Jeffery Roberson. Having attended the School of Music at Louisiana State University, Roberson is almost always billed as Varla Merman who he says is the daughter of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman. Like Peru, Merman is best known for her starring role in Girls Will Be Girls which earned her a Best Actor Grand Jury Award at Outfest 2003 which she shared with costars Peru and Evie Harris. Among her rise to fame, Merman appeared on the television show, Ugly Betty, was seen as Rosemary Chicken on the soap opera All My Children, starred opposite Leslie Jordan in the 2011 off-Broadway production of Lucky Guy and performed Madam Flora in the off-Broadway production of the opera, The Medium. Currently she is touring her show, “A Little White Music” across the country and gathering accolades that distinguish her as one of the best drag queens in the country without ever having gotten “She Mail” from Mama Ru.

Varla Jean Merman with Mona Lott

From left to right, Drag Designer, Jim Hitzke, Jeffery Robison aka Varla Jean Merman, Drag Queen, Mona Lott and Drag Icon Peaches Christ.

4. Peaches Christ

I first encountered Peaches Christ on a visit to San Francisco nearly twenty years ago when I made a pilgrimage to

Drag Queen, Peaches Christ

“Trannyshack,” the now politically incorrect named drag show she regularly appeared in. The night I was there she presented a sacrilegious and irreverent show lampooning The Passion of The Christ. The show was so wrong that I found it incredibly right and hysterically sinful! Another drag icon I had the pleasure to meet at The Austin International Drag Festival, she impressed me with her stage presence, quick wit and vast intelligence. Peaches Christ was created by Penn State alumni Joshua Grannell who studied film there and won the audience award for his thesis film, Jizzmopper: A Love Story. Since then, Peaches has created a name for herself with the hit show, “Midnight Mass” a movie series. Renowned for its crazy send ups of campy films, “Midnight Mass” draws large crowds and Celebrity Guests like Mink Stole, John Waters and even RuPaul.  Appearing as a protesting drag queen in the major motion picture Milk, Peaches can also be seen in her own movie creations that she tours the country with. Peaches is a queen who may just be too “underground” to be seen above ground on televisions Drag Race but none the less garners admiration as one of the best drag queens in existence to date!

5. Hedda Lettuce

Hedda Lettuce is a New York drag queen who earned a bachelor’s degree at The Fashion Institute of Technology,

Drag Queen, Hedda Lettuce

which is fitting for a girl who made a splash as a guest model on televisions Project Runway. On the show, contestant Suede refused to make her a pair of gloves which caused her to call him lazy. Her disagreements with the designer contestant made her seem difficult and brought her some not so flattering notoriety. Regardless, this hard-working queen has made a name for herself appearing on Ugly Betty, The Tyra Banks Show and the 2010 web series, Queens of Drag: NYC. Hedda has also appeared in the films Too Wong Foo, Dangerous Liaisons and Violent Tendencies among several others. Having been called, ” the illegitimate child of Don Rickles and Joan Rivers” by Backstage.com, she currently appears weekly at Chelsea Cinemas in “Hedda Presents The Classics” and her blog can be found at http://www.heddalettuce.com/blog/ Definitely a queen with more fashion sense than to walk the runway on Drag Race.

So there you have it, five drag queens of significance who have never had the luxury of appearing on RuPaul’s Drag Race to achieve their drag queen icon status. Of course there are many more great queens working the clubs, stages and film sets out there that have also taken a route that didn’t go through the work room on Drag Race to achieve their notoriety but they’ll have to wait for another post on another day. Please let me know what you think of my list and tell me about any queens you know who should be included. Also, if you like this post please share it, comment on it and subscribe to my blog, it only helps to benefiting this drag queen in achieving her own legacy and as Ru says, “herstory.”

Would you like to receive Mona Lott’s newsletter? Please subscribe to Monalottsdragupyourlife.com

Mona Lott has been seen on Comedy Central, The Game Show Network and NBC. She has performed at the Hollywood Improv and the Los Angeles Comedy Store and headlined “The Short Bus Comics Show” in Las Vegas. She holds all the balls in her one woman bingo show, “Ball Bustin’ Bingo” and hosted her hit show, “Stripped Down Stand Up” at The Denver Improv. Her new show, “Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show” promises to be “Lott’s” of fun as, “the game show for the socially unacceptable.” The Las Vegas Weekly calls her, “Original, funny and a little twisted!” Yellow Scene magazine said, “She excels as one of the most inventive bingo callers to exist” and The Denver Westword referred to her as, “Less of a Drag Queen than a Drag Empress” and said, “When it comes to sarcasm, merciless wit and explosive eye-candy, Mona Lott rises above the rest with her outrageous topical prescriptions”. Named Denver’s Outstanding Drag Queen by OutFront Colorado for 2014 and winning the title of Miss Denver County Fair 2015 she is more popular than ever!

Mona is available for emcee or feature work and all three of her shows can be booked as well. For booking information please contact her at 720-227-1304 or by email at tsbeast@Hotmail.com.

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DRAG QUEEN BRINGS GAME SHOW ELEMENT TO DENVER COMEDY 

Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show Comes To Denver 

                Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show

With the resurgence of game shows on prime time television, Denver Drag Queen favorite, Mona Lott who has been seen on Comedy Central, The Game Show Network and NBC, hopes her new comedy show, The Big Fat Dirty Game Show will be a big hit!

Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show is the game show for the socially unacceptable and continues a monthly engagement at The VooDoo Comedy Playhouse on Saturday September 24th at 8PM. Lott says the show is “deliciously interactive” and “packed full of humor, prizes and more fun than a greased pig at a county fair!” Tickets are $10.00 in advance or $12.00 at the door and Lott says hopefully, “..there won’t be any tickets left at the door!”

Mona Lott has everyone in stitches during her Big Fat Dirty Game Show in August.

Lott explains that she created the show to offset what has become status quo at the plethora of comedy shows in the Denver area. “It’s the format to have an opening act, a feature and a headliner and for the audience to just sit in the dark silently listening to these people tell jokes that may or may not be funny.” She claims she wanted to create something a little different.

“I realized when I was doing my Ball Bustin’ Bingo show that audiences really enjoyed a show that was a little more interactive and allowed them to be part of the show instead of just spectators.” “I also noticed that the old favorites like Match Game and $20,000 Pyramid were making a come back in prime time television and I thought that it was time to bring the game show to the Denver stage.”  She muses that, “I love my audiences and being able to commune with them on a more intimate basis makes the show a real pleasure to perform.”

                                 RESERVE YOUR TICKET AT  

https://voodoocomedy.com/shows/mona-lotts-big-fat-dirty-game-show/

About Mona Lott 

Mona Lott has been seen on Comedy Central, The Game Show Network and NBC. She has performed at the Hollywood Improv and the Los Angeles Comedy Store and headlined “The Short Bus Comics Show” in Las Vegas. She holds all the balls in her one woman bingo show, “Ball Bustin’ Bingo” and hosted her hit show, “Stripped Down Stand Up” at The Denver Improv. Her new show, “Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show” promises to be “Lott’s” of fun as, “the game show for the socially unacceptable.” Named Denver’s Outstanding Drag Queen by OutFront Colorado for 2014 and winning the title of Miss Denver County Fair 2015 she is more popular than ever! 

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Drag has become more and more mainstream in recent years, thanks to shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race. But believe it or not, there were drag performances hitting prime time television clear back in the fifties.  Just google Milton Berle, or Flip Wilson if you don’t believe me. Geraldine was breaking all kinds of barriers when Wilson an African American brought her to a prime time audiences. And movies have shown the spotlight on more than one man in a dress and they weren’t necessarily gay but Hollywood Heart throbs like Tony Curtis and Dustin Hoffman.  So as we enter into fall and the thought of Sunday afternoons curled up on the sofa with a plate of nachos and a movie become more and more attractive, here are Ten Great Drag Queen Movies you can pull up on Netflix or Hulu or whatever streaming service you subscribe to.

10.To Wong Foo

To Wong Foo with Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo

A movie featuring three strong, out and unapologetic gay queens being made in 1995, a period when the AIDS epidemic was still a stigma of the gay community, was a miracle. Even more miraculous is that it was made by a major production company, Amblin Entertainment, owned by a major Hollywood player, Steven Speilberg and released by the powerhouse studio, Universal Pictures. Still, this film starring Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo failed to impress this drag queen. Watching the film in a theater full of mostly straight men and women, I felt threatened and embarrassed as the audience not only heckled the movie, but laughed AT the characters and not WITH them. Being a drag queen, I found so much of the plot to be faulty, especially when I saw the main characters getting into drag makeup and female nighties before bed. In reality, most queens I know would be more than ready to take that shit off, scrub their face and get in bed wearing tighty whities if anything at all. Regardless, the main characters take on small town bigotry, crooked cops, domestic abusers and still manage to give make overs to all the women in town. Look for cameos of some well known drag queens who make the opening of the film a blast like RuPaul, Lady Bunny, Miss Understood and Coco Peru! There are plenty of laughs and a lot of heart, if you can look past the ridiculous premise that drag queens are in drag 24/7.

9. Mrs. Doubtfire

Robin Williams and Sally Fields in Mrs. Doubtfire

Starring the beloved Robin Williams who turned down the role of Vida in To Wong Foo stating he was too hairy for the role, this film received lukewarm reviews when it was first released in 1993, but in more recent years it’s been labeled one of the 100 funniest films by both Bravo and The American Film Institute. Williams, who received the Golden Globe for best actor in the role of a devoted father who has little visitation with his children who are living with his ex-wife Miranda played by Sally Fields, also co-produced the movie. Given the ultimatum of getting a steady job and a residence suitable for children, Williams’ character finds out Miranda is hiring a nanny to take care of the children and he gets the somewhat crazy idea to apply for the job disguised as a Scottish Nanny, named Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire. With the help of his brother, Frank, a makeup artist played by gay icon and hero to yours truly, Harvey Fierstein, Williams becomes Mrs. Doubtfire. He looks so convincing in the role that Williams once said he walked through San Francisco without being recognized, even when he went into an adult bookstore and bought a rather large dildo! Pierce Bronson also stars in this movie as the man trying to marry the ex Miranda. Needless to say, Williams’ performance is mesmerizing as Mrs. Doubtfire and his characterization alone makes the movie well worth watching! Look for Polly “Mel, kiss my grits” Holiday, Martin Mull and even Todd “what you talking about Willis”  Bridges in cameo roles.

8. Girls Will Be Girls

Girls Will Be Girls with Jack Plotnick, Coco Peru and Varla Jean Merman

This movie is a cult classic especially in the LGBT community and is arguably the vehicle that made Evie Harris (Jack Plotnick), Coco Peru (Clinton Leupp) and Varla Jean Merman (Jeffery Roberson) the gay icons and comedy stars that they are today. All three won the “Best Actress” award at The U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in 2003 the same year that the movie was released. With a plot line that revolves around three “actresses” in various periods of their careers, a doctor who is a rapist, (played by Modern Family star Eric Stonestreet) and quotable lines like, “Coco, I’ve had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage” this drag fest of a film still has audiences laughing. The film makers claimed that there were no women in the movie and that all female roles had been played by men and actually listed the following line in the credits, “No animals or women were injured in the making of this film.” I had the opportunity to work with Varla Jean this past May and sat in on a Q&A and she attests that the canned cheese scene was real without any cuts or video antics, and believe me that scene alone makes the movie well worth searching for. I’m told it’s not on Netflix or Hulu, but I found a link that shows it’s available for viewing on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001D0F650?ref_=imdbref_tt_wbr_aiv&tag=imdbtag_tt_wbr_aiv-20. So do yourself a favor and pull up your Amazon account so you can see these masters of drag, comedy and abortions chew up the scenery!

"Girls Will Be Girls" trailer - YouTube

7. Some Like It Hot

Some Like It Hot with Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon and Marilyn Monroe

Some Like It Hot was so hot that it was produced without the approval of the Motion Picture Production Code and was Condemned by the Roman Catholic Church’s Legion of Decency for promoting homosexuality, lesbianism and transvestism. Kansas banned the movie because the powers that be thought the love scene between stars, Marilyn Monroe and heart-throb Tony Curtis was too steamy! By today’s standards this film is anything but indecent or steamy. Also starring Jack Lemmon, he and one of Hollywood’s most handsome leading men, Tony Curtis take on the drag roles of Josephine and Daphne. They end up in drag because they witness the infamous Valentine Massacre and being out of work musicians they go into hiding as members of an all girl jazz band. The movie has ended up on several lists for one of the funniest movies of all time and the American Film Institute listed it at the top of the list. Billy Wilder, the film’s director received an Oscar as did Jack Lemmon for best actor while Monroe won a golden globe for best actress. After a screen test, Wilder decided the two leads were so ugly that they would have to forego color and shot the movie in black and white. The movie is by all standards a true classic and inspired a Broadway adaptation as a Musical called “Sugar” named after Monroe’s character. I saw the musical back in 2003 and though I found it enjoyable, it paled in comparison to the trio of movie legends that created the original roles. Stories of Monroe’s antics on the set still abound, she would show up late and would need dozens of takes just to get one line correct like, “It’s me, Sugar” but regardless she is lovely to watch and perfect to a tee in the role. Frank Sinatra, Jerry Lewis, Bob Hope and Danny Kaye were all considered for the drag roles but luckily Wilder discovered Curtis in the film, “Houdini” and found Lemmon in a comedy called, “Operation Mad Ball.”  Monroe herself pursued the role of Sugar, being that she had worked with Wilder on “The Seven Year Itch” and thank the Hollywood Hills that she did or the role would have went to Mitzi Gaynor!

6. The Bird Cage

The Birdcage starring Robin Williams and Nathan Lane

According to Box Office Mojo, this is the top grossing movie with openly gay characters of all time, even though at the time, the gay star, Nathan Lane was not publicly out. Regardless, the film conjures great fondness from most gay men and especially drag queens. Based on the Broadway Play, “La Cage Aux Folles” which was based on the French movie farce of the same name ,The Bird Cage was directed by Hollywood legend Mike Nichols and starred a power punch cast including Lane, Robin Williams, Hank Azaria, Christine Baranski, Gene Hackman and Dianne Wiest. Williams was set to play the drag queen role of Albert, but his wife thought it was too similar to his role as Mrs. Doubtfire and Williams wanted to try a character that was a little less flamboyant so he asked Nichols if he could play Armand and Nichols agreed. Steve Martin had originally been cast as Armand but had to withdraw over scheduling conflicts. The movie was released in 1996 and set a tone in Hollywood for films with gay characters that is still being imitated today. Broadway composer, Steven Spielberg wrote an original song for the movie and allowed two songs cut from his musicals, “Follies” and “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum” to be used on the soundtrack. Having seen the Broadway show, “La Cage Aux Folles” several times and listing Albert on my bucket list of roles to play, I approached the movie very skeptically fearing a movie version would take too many creative licenses. I was delighted however to find the movie version very respectful of the play and hilarious in its own right. The plot remains the same, Albert and Armand own a drag nightclub in which Albert is the star. Armand’s son Val,  from a previous marriage arrives to announce he is engaged. Surprisingly he is engaged to the daughter of a very conservative politician and they are all coming for dinner.  Armand goes to great lengths to redecorate so as to hide any hint of homosexuality or drag including asking Albert to go away for the weekend. Hurt and trying to establish his role as the other father that helped raise Armand’s son, Albert surprises everyone when he arrives in drag and announces that he is the Mother of Val. Of course hi jinx abound and everything seems to go wrong before all is revealed and summed up in a rather comical and heart warming way. Williams is of course a comet of great acting and comic timing that can not be stopped, but Lane in a breakout role holds his own and pairs amazingly well with Robins. Azaria is not only good in the stereotypical role of the house maid, but is great eye candy to boot. The rest of the cast is faultless as well, playing the supporting roles to Lane and Williams. Azaria has said of the film, that director Nichols was laughing so hard and so loud throughout the filming of the movie that he had to be moved farther and farther away from the set and at one point was even covered in a sound blanket to muffle his laughter.

5. Tootsie

Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie

One of my all time favorite movies, Tootsie was almost never made. With a string of writers all clamoring for credit and a list of directors being disposed of like Kleenex it’s no wonder that it’s star Dustin Hoffman and the eventual director, Sydney Pollack quarreled so viciously behind the scenes. Of course the bickering led Hoffman to believe that Pollack should play his onscreen manager to give Pollack a cathartic chance to vent. Even this was argued by Pollack though as he didn’t want to do it, but after Hoffman sent him roses every day with a note signed, “Love Dorothy” he relented. Dorothy of course was the name of the female character he plays in the movie, created by his onscreen character Michael Dorsey who is an out of work actor that no one will hire. He creates Dorothy as a last-ditch effort to get acting work as a woman and quickly finds him/her self hired to a hit day time soap opera. Bill Murray plays Michael’s room-mate and Terri Garr is his girlfriend while Jessica Lange plays the soap operas female star Julie, who Michael finds himself in love with. Again, chaos ensues as Michael tries to maintain both identities without reveling either one to the wrong people and falls for Julie who only knows him as Dorothy and becomes the love interest of Julie’s father, played by Charles Durning, who also has no idea Dorthy is a man. Add to the mix a misogynistic director played by Dabney Coleman who is dating Julie and you have a movie that is full of comedy and humor even though the actors had been instructed to play everything serious. Hoffman was trained in the finer points of drag by transvestite and famed member of Andy Warhol’s “factory,” Holly Woodlawn. Someday I’ll write about my encounter with Woodlawn when I was a young man and how she hit on me and caused me some stress as I was still in the closet, but for now we’ll just say that in addition to her instructions, Hoffman watched the French movie, “La Cage Aux Folle” (which inspired The Birdcage) repeatedly to learn to move and speak like a man in drag. Hoffman’s performance is of course, Oscar worthy and was nominated along with several others on the film, but alas only Lange won one of the coveted little gold men for best supporting actress. Interesting fact..

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Bitch stole my look!! I have to say, I was shocked and immediately recognized that Nick Cannon on America’s Got Talent’s Finale Results show was wearing a look very common to mine! So I quickly had to pause the television, take a picture and put it out there for everyone to judge.

A longtime fan of Joan Rivers and a devoted viewer of the Fashion Police, I had to wonder what Margaret Cho and Joan’s daughter Melissa following in her footsteps would think. After all it was Joan who coined the term, “Bitch stole my look!”  My fashion designer is my partner and husband for the last 22 years, Jim HItzke so that answers the question Joan would have asked me for sure, “who are you wearing?”

I’ve definitely noticed Nicks fashion choices on this season of America’s Got Talent, especially the different hair do’s or hair don’ts that he has sported on each weeks episode, but when he walked on stage in a white tux and matching turban with a brooch that had as much bling as any of mine, I had to wonder if he was going to lip sync RuPaul’s hit, Supermodel. Of course he didn’t, but I still found his fashion choice for the finale’s result show just a little comical. So I ask you just as Joan would have,

Who wore it better? Nick Cannon or Mona Lott?

Who wore it better? Nick Cannon or Mona Lott?

Mona Lott has been seen on Comedy Central, The Game Show Network and NBC. She has performed at the Hollywood Improv and the Los Angeles Comedy Store and headlined “The Short Bus Comics Show” in Las Vegas. She holds all the balls in her one woman bingo show, “Ball Bustin’ Bingo” and hosted her hit show, “Stripped Down Stand Up” at The Denver Improv. Her new show, “Mona Lott’s Big Fat Dirty Game Show” promises to be “Lott’s” of fun as, “the game show for the socially unacceptable.” The Las Vegas Weekly calls her, “Original, funny and a little twisted!” Yellow Scene magazine said, “She excels as one of the most inventive bingo callers to exist” and The Denver Westword referred to her as, “Less of a Drag Queen than a Drag Empress” and said, “When it comes to sarcasm, merciless wit and explosive eye-candy, Mona Lott rises above the rest with her outrageous topical prescriptions”. Named Denver’s Outstanding Drag Queen by OutFront Colorado for 2014 and winning the title of Miss Denver County Fair 2015 she is more popular than ever!

Mona is available for emcee or feature work and all three of her shows can be booked as well. For booking information please contact her at 720-227-1304 or by email at tsbeast@Hotmail.com.

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Drag queens like to say, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!” Truth is, most drag queens are working on a very limited budget and have learned how to turn clothes that bore into clothes that soar! So here are five ways you can take drag queen fashion “cents” into your closet!

  1. GLITZ IS THE “SHITZ” BABY!
    You know you feel better when your sparkling like that disco ball from your high  school prom. And there are a “LOTT” of ways to bring more glitter into your wardrobe. Though I have no fear of    using every glitz trick in the book on every outfit, you might want to keep it simple. One or two displays of  sparkle on your outfit will make you feel like a million bucks. A great sequin bag, or rhinestone bracelet or even  a pair of rhinestone shoes! And don’t go breaking the bank, every drag queen knows that with a gross of stones  and a tube of E600 from Michaels Craft Stores they can put Bob Mackie to shame! It’s much easier than it  seems, though it is a bit time consuming.So get out your tweezers, your stones and your glue, pour yourself a  glass of wine, turn on RuPauls Drag Race and start putting those stones onto that affordable pair of black  pumps from Payless Shoes! Or     put those stones on a small clutch, or around the collar of your favorite blouse. You get the idea!

E6000 found on Michaels.com

http://www.payless.com/womens-karmen-pump/70962.html?dwvar_70962_color=blackpatent

http://dbrhinestones.com/index.php

2. ACCESSORIZE    

Even Tim Gunn knows how important accessories are, telling Project Runway Contestants, “Don’t forget to Make use of the Marie Claire wall.” Accessories can make or break an outfit and with so many choices why would you not pick one? Boas, wraps, shawls, hats, barrettes, hand bags, jewelry, scepters and crowns make it hard to choose, but remember you just want to borrow Drag Queen fashion “cents” not become a drag queen,  so pick just one or two great statement pieces instead of going overboard. Of course a feather boa, loved by drag queens may be too ostentatious for you. So why not choose a gorgeous shawl or bold colored scarf? Remember ONE bold piece paired with a basic dress or top adds glamour and flair without going overboard. Also don’t forget the lesson above. You can add rhinestones to even a hair barrette turning it into a statement piece that puts your whole outfit into another realm of greatness without spending a fortune. So make sure whatever you pick is bold, fabulous and unique.

Gorgeous Muff made with craft fur, rhinestone trim and satin.Designed by Jim Hitzke

Simple dress, accessorized with fabulous boa and matching hat! Designed by Jim Hitzke

Drag Queen Gia Gunn has it in the bag!

   

3. SHOW SOME SKIN   

The best couture you own is staring at you from your mirror. You are gorgeous baby, no matter what size, color, shape or otherwise. There is NO ONE else like you, so you are UNIQUE!! That is one of the requirements of fabulous fashion. So show some skin girlfriend. You won’t need the weed whacker like most drag queens to make your body hairless. Do you have great legs, fantastic shoulders, sexy back or hot cleavage? Then show it off with clothes that reveal it. A high slit, backless dress, strapless gown or deep V neck can make that beautiful body of yours the best accessory on the runway! Even if your shy, a well placed cutout could reveal some skin without making you feel too exposed.  Drag Queens love to reveal their sexy well toned bods, even the ones who aren’t so well toned, like ME!

RuPauls Drag Race Winner Violet Chachki shows some sexy back.

Texas Drag Beauty, Cynthia Lee Fontaine giving some cleavage

Sexy drag Queen Jiggly Caliente “bares” the weight on her shoulders

4. USE YOUR HEAD    

A  knock out piece of head gear can turn any ordinary outfit into something spectacular! Don’t just opt for a ball cap when you have turbans, scarves and Sunday church lady hats to choose from! Turbans are cheap, come in many colors and are oh so chic. Tallulah Bankhead who knew a little about appearance once said, “They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum” and she arguably made the turban fashionable. A turban gives you an excuse to use those delightful old brooches you inherited from lovely old Aunt Harriet and gives you some glitz (look back at #1) at the same time.  Even a color matching scarf tied expertly around the forehead can make a shoddy old top look exquisite. If you’re still at a loss on what to top your top with, look for a striking hat. Check the flea market, the thrift stores or make one yourself. Remember it might not be presentable when you find it, but again, add some rhinestones, wrap in luscious fabric,  add an arresting piece of ribbon or attach a piece of fruit and you’ll take dreadful to stunning. I’ve even been known to plop a swan planter on MY head.

Mona Lott’s fashion sense goes to the birds!!

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