Michaela Ray - Five steps to get “in the zone” and attract Mr. Right
Michaela is writing from her own experience and from stories of other women around the world about dating, relationships, self-exploration and looking for happiness. She uses success models (NLP) for her analysis and proposal of the solution. She is currently writing a book about what has to happen internally, before dating works.
In the first part of the article we talked about physical energy drainers, about low immunity and about the effect of fasting on the recovery of the immunity cells. In the second part we will talk about mental energy drainers, their chemical effect on body and possible solutions.
According to Dr. Herbert Benson, president of Harvard Medical School’s Body-Mind Institute, toxic thinking leads to stress, which impacts the natural abilities of our body to heal. Scientific studies show clear connection between brain, nervous system, hormonal system and immunity system. Positive emotions help heal our body while negative emotions over a longer period cause diseases.
According to Dr. Tomas Kaspar, author of “Don’t rush to the grave” our brain releases neuropeptides, which trigger release of certain hormones. Positive eustress causes release of positive hormones endorphin, serotonin, dopamin. Negative distress causes release of negative hormones adrenaline, kortizol, kortizon, aldosterone, noradrenaline and others. Negative hormones prepare our body for survival – fight or flight. Body works on “emergency mode” and shuts down all other functions to reserve enough energy for the fight. Due to “energy saving mode”, the immunity system is reduced, digestion is slowed down, metabolism does not work efficiently, the reproduction system is turned off (women can’t get pregnant, men losing erection), fat production is mobilized and muscle mass is reduced (because fat is easily accessible energy reserve).
Short term distress helps us survive. Afterwards the body needs to recover from the damages caused by the release of the stress hormones.Long term stress means body doesn’t have space for regeneration. It doesn’t come back to its balance and nothing works as it is supposed to work. When our body is too tired to prevent a disease, it gets even more exhausted by fighting a disease. Our energy reserve gets depleted. Without proper energy recharge, we are more likely to develop various health problems, easily catch a virus, our skin gets prematurely old, we develop acid stomach, osteoporosis and other problems.
According to recent studies pointed out by Dr. Tomas Kaspar, our mental state influences our health 4 times more and 4 times faster than our food! Additionally our emotions have an effect on our physical body and vice versa. In order to recharge energy we need to consider both physical and mental aspect.
From physical aspect we already discussed in part 1 of this article, the need to detoxify and nourish cells with micro nutrients. From mental aspect, we need to find ways how to reduce toxic emotions such as: inability to forgive, envy, anger, depression and worries, anxiety, frustration, fear, sadness, regret and guilt. All of these cause us stress.
Can we get the negative stress under control?
Dr. Caroline Leaf, author of “Turn on your brain”, is suggesting 8 steps for mental detox. Additional step, number one, comes from Optimum Health Institute in San Francisco.
Stop being the receiver of toxic news. The standard news on TV and radio are 99% percent negative, based on fear. You will not miss anything really important by not listening to it. If something really important happens, people will tell you about it. Negative gossips about others or debating about hurtful things others said about you also belongs to the toxic news category.
Control your thoughts and set up realistic expectations. Life isn’t perfect. Don’t let the imperfections take you away from what is good in your life.
Use positive words for defining your world
Express your emotions. When the emotions are suppressed, it is preventing the positive hormones to be released that could clean up the damages after the negative emotions. Releasing emotions means a free flow of neuropeptides in chemical lines so that the emotions can be processed.
Tune your heart into love. This point is about gratefulness, positive thinking, spending time with people who bring you joy and happiness.
Therapy of hugs, petting and touch. Gentle touch leads to release or hormone endorphin and enkephalin that participate in body healing process, reduce level of stress hormone cortisol and reduce our blood pressure. Skin hunger is referring to a phenomenon when a person is for long time without a partner, longing for a hug even more than for sex. In Belgium, Daya Vidya, Evi Maes (www.beingloveandbeauty.eu) and Vanessa de Smet (www.vanessadesmet.com) are proponents of the methods emphasizing the power of touch.
Games, laughter and humor. Laughter reduces kortizol, adrenalin and increases endorphin.
Physical exercise releases endorphin and sweating helps remove the waste caused by toxic emotions.
Spiritual aspect. This point is about meaning of life, values, our mission, and connection to the universe, God, love or something bigger than us.
How to do a recharge on a mental level?
The advices of Dr. Leaf are all valuable and great. The challenge is finding time and place for it. What if there was a special place just for me,without distractions, where I can do it?
As a manager in a multinational corporation, going through several acquisitions and divestitures, I was under a constant stress. With the busy schedule, responsibilities and deadlines, I didn’t even consider taking time off even when being sick. Instead I relied on my strong will to push myself further. As a consequence of this lifestyle, I started to suffer from low energy, compromised immunity and health issues.
My body was fighting one infection after another and every six months I developed a new health problem. It was going on for 2 years till I was diagnosed with a burn out and had to stay home.
Weeks went by and I was making very little progress. My body was fighting on so many battlefields, that my battery was still close to zero. I experienced feelings that I didn’t know before like anxiety, lethargy and a big cloud of negativity. I felt frustrated for not getting better.
It occupied my mind how can I do an energy recharge and immunity boost. I really needed to make a major reboot of my system, in order to break the downward spiral of my health and energy. I read books and researched this topic and eventually decided I wanted to try juice fasting. I hoped that cleaning my body and recharging my immunity would also help clean my mind. I wanted to go away from any kind of stress, household duties to be able to focus on just myself getting better. I knew I could not do this at home. Such a reboot requires a lot of discipline and proper facilities.
I searched for a place offering juice fasting , exercise and activities to release stress. I did not find an ideal place, so I decided to develop the program myself, at my parents cabin in Slovakia. My mother agreed to join and committed to follow a 7 day fasting with vegetable juices, nut milk for proteins, water, yoga, Pilates, daily hiking in the woods, sauna and massage.
There was no TV or radio to distract us. We were surrounded by nature, just two of us. We were hiking twice a day and looking for other points of view to stressful situations. Spending quiet time in woods with slow breathing. On a few occasions when I felt the stuck emotions were getting ready to be released, I took alone time and let the tears out. The anger, sadness and frustration were slowly leaving my body. I realized my situation wasn’t that bad, I was just putting a lot of focus on the things that didn’t work. It helped me find some gratitude and focus on what I wanted for my future, instead of the self defeating negativity.
As my body was getting cleaned, nourished and flexible, my mind started to get better too. I noticed around day five I started joking and laughing again. I was in a good mood and suddenly noticed the beauty of the nature.
On day 7 I felt happy, I woke up early in the morning full of energy, my joints didn’t hurt, I lost 2 kg (from 59.5 to 57.5) and some centimeters of stubborn belly fat. My nose wasn’t running with allergies as it used to the previous 9 months. My mother lost 5kg, and as a diabetic reduced her blood sugar levels to almost normal. She was feeling very positive and motivated. We were both amazed of what effects can be reached in just 7 days.
After this experience, I became a fan of juice fasting. I continue this practice and want to share this quick and effective method with others who need a system reboot. 7 days is ideal for a major reboot, while 2-3 days is easy to start with and provides a quick detox and energy recharge. If you only have one day, it is still worth doing it. Consider it as a regular body maintenance.
I am developing a balanced body and mind program “ Recharge Oasis”, with juice fasting as well as beneficial physical and mental activities. If you are curious about this program or would like to support my efforts in any way, I will be happy to hear from you at firstname.lastname@example.org.
You are accomplished, professional in your career, self-sufficient and strong. You have your own income to support yourself, you are independent, creative, adventurous, sociable and witty. You are intelligent and like intellectual conversations. You are a nice person, helpful to others and caring for your loved ones. You value honesty and good relationships.
You would be an ideal wife if only men could appreciate your qualities! However, you have been single for a while or in a dead end relationship.
You are probably in one of the four situations described below:
Avoiding the dating market completely but secretly dreaming of a nice relationship. Something is holding you back from going for it. You justify to yourself why it would not work anyway, so no point of trying.
Waiting for the right man to simply “happen” in your life. You are open to meet new men, but not actively looking. You are waiting for natural opportunities and rely on good luck to be discovered by somebody great. You get attracted to men who have been around you for a while. However they are either “unavailable” or not interested.
In a dead end relationship that doesn’t satisfy your needs and wishes. This might include dating unavailable men, men who are not willing to commit, staying together just because of sex, or because you don’t want to feel completely alone. Another scenario is that you are the one who can’t fully commit, because something is missing for you, even though he is a good man and really loves you. Or you have recently ended a relationship but are still returning to it in your mind and it feels things are unsettled.
Trying really hard, meeting many men and being totally fed up with the results. You are starting to think single life is better than the headache, stress and frustration of dating.
You want a relationship with a man who can appreciate who you are
You want to have quality men interested in you. You want dating to be fun. You want to have a simple tool how to find the right man, let the things progress naturally and finally settle with a man who will appreciate you in the same way like you appreciate him.
You are afraid of making a mistake again
You are afraid to give dating another try because your emotions and self-confidence already suffered from the previous experience.
You are afraid to have another relationship, because you don’t trust you can do it better than the previous attempt. You are afraid of the risk of being hurt, cheated, scammed, disrespected, taken for granted or unappreciated again.
You are fed up with wasting your time, effort and energy
You are fed up with doing everything alone and waiting for the great guy to finally show up. You are fed up with spending money on dating sites. You are fed up with wasting time on boring chats and dates. You are fed up with meeting man who have no intention of commitment. You are fed up with your “boyfriend” saying now isn’t a good time yet for the next step in your relationship. You are sick of people giving you uninvited advices. Lastly you don’t want to become somebody who you are not in order to “fit what shallow men are looking for”.
You are not alone
Most women dream to meet, love and marry a prince charming. Many of us start romantic relationships full of expectation and hope to be finally happy. Then we are highly disappointed when confronted with the reality. The majority of men out there aren’t anything like we wished for.
Women think: A good woman will be loved as much as she loves him.
Men say: Most men don’t love a woman, they take advantage of what she does for them.
Women think: Men would be lucky to have a woman “like me”.
Men say: You are painfully typical. You hold the same conversations and try the same tricks as every other woman.
Women think: I have bad luck, most men I met are not looking for commitment.
Men say: When a man tells you he’s not looking for anything serious, he means “with you!” When a man meets a woman who “gets him” on multiple levels, even the biggest womanizer is ready to settle down.
These comments are pretty harsh!
While I don’t like the macho attitude, I read between the lines that men are also secretly wishing for that one special woman who will make them happy. They are equally struggling to find her. Both men and women use a lot of tactics, strategies and even tricks in hope to meet a great partner.
There are so many conflicting advice: “Play hard to get” vs. “Push hard to get him”.
“Be sexy” vs. “Make yourself look innocent”. “Show him you are interested” vs. “Be an ice queen”. It is so confusing. How am I supposed to know what actually works for me? No wonder many women feel exhausted and discouraged from dating.
All the activities like flirting, creating dating profiles, chatting with potential dates, going to places for singles, having a date, getting dressed up, trying to lose weight, learning about sex techniques, reading books about opposite gender, belong to a group, called “Outer game”.
Having good “tools” for the outer game is important. However, it doesn’t work by itself.
There is another group of activities, usually completely overlook by popular dating advice.
Group called “Inner game”. Inner game has to do with your mental and emotional approach to what you are doing. This includes your attitude, beliefs in yourself, dealing with mistakes and so on. The concept of Inner game was developed, as a way to achieve excellence in peak sport performers. We have to prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally to perform well, whether it is for a sport, a job or for dating.
When your Outer game and Inner Game are working together, actions flow with a type of effortless excellence, called “playing in the zone”.
When you are “playing in the zone”, you feel confident , you have no fear of failure, you are focused on your goal, you are relaxed and ready to take action, you are having fun and the result comes without effort and without thinking about it too much.
It is precisely this case when you see some “exceptionally lucky” women, attracting great guys, fast and effortlessly.
The opposite of this state is anxiety, lack of confidence, low energy, fear, stress, mental paralysis which brings an under average result, in any area, including dating.
The purpose of my upcoming book is to guide you through simple steps to bring you to a place called “your zone”, where successful dating becomes possible.
Five steps to attract Mr. Right
First step is to find out where you are standing today, and how did you get there. The second step is to decide how would like your dating future to look like. This can differ for each woman and range from casual part time relationship to a marriage with children. Once we have the current state and desired future state, we can draw a line between them as a path. In the third step we will look at the obstacles that have been standing in your way. In the fourth step we will explore resources that will help you get in “your zone” and ultimately to your goal. Finally, in the fifth step, we will discuss the practical actions necessary to enter the dating market in a full grace of your uniqueness. This includes things like coming across the way you want in your dating profile, having tools for filtering only the interesting men etc. The rest will be your story of success.
I asked a group of women in early summer for their feedback for the first manuscript of the book and based on that prepared an improved version. I really enjoy debating the topic with women via emails or in person and seeing how their story develops from completely unsatisfactory to “exciting with positive outlook”. Reading comments from my readers like the below, gives me satisfaction and motivates me to continue.
“It really helped me to do the exercises about what I want in life, as your book suggested. My new boyfriend is unbelievably amazing. I have never met anybody like this and did not even believe it was possible. I don’t know where this will lead but I have a great feeling from this.”
Another reader, a 30 year old woman, who never had a boyfriend in her life, shared with me with excitement she was able to make a mental switch and let go of her past. It only took one week after that, to meet her sweetheart. It makes me happy that my work can help improve women’s lives. I included her full story in the new version of the e-book with her permission.
I am now looking for a second group of women to read and experience the techniques. To become a test reader and receive a free e-book, you can contact me at email@example.com, with subject “BOOK” or message me through Facebook. You will receive a manuscript for my upcoming book MINDFUL DIVA DATING: Five steps to get in “your zone” and attract Mr. Right.
I am offering a FREE COPY for the first 15 readers who are willing to give a short feedback.