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When you get married, you and your significant other have been on a journey, where you met, dated, got engaged, and said “I do” over the allotted amount of time. You have moments that you remember from the time you dated and the inside jokes that you shared. You have mutual friends and moments shared among each other’s families that you cherished. You enjoyed your story as a couple.

When cracks begin to form in the relationship and arguments begin to spiral out of control, the story begins to shift, and unless something significant occurs, you tend to hope that you will be able to recover as a couple. However, for many, it does not happen.

For those couples, the slow loss of a fun-loving relationship, coupled with the deterioration of trust and respect can make a relationship fragile and vulnerable to divorce.

Legal perception

When it becomes clear that a marriage in that state that is no longer salvageable, you need to contact a family law attorney who you can trust to represent your interests and who can help you write your own story after your divorce is finalized.

The narrative of the end of your marriage can influence your divorce in many ways. If infidelity was at all a factor, it can drive emotions and send otherwise rational individuals into a state of wanting to inflict the same amount of hurt in the divorce process as the spouse that committed the act first.

This can change the post-divorce narrative and how you proceed in post-divorce relationships. It can make it difficult to trust other potential new partners. You also may find yourself eager to enter a new relationship to prove to your ex-spouse that you are desirable and worth it without considering the feelings of your new partner.

In those circumstances, you suddenly become the man who is too afraid of getting hurt again to enter a new relationship or the one who moved on too quickly from your previous marriage.

Infidelity is not the only thing that can affect the narrative of your divorce and how it affects your post-divorce life. When you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse initially decide that you need some time apart, you or your soon-to-be ex-spouse may feel owed.

The marital home

You may be asked to leave the marital home, because your soon-to-be ex-spouse feels like it is hers and that she has every right to demand that you leave. For the sake of your post-divorce future, you should not leave the marital home.

Your soon-to-be ex-spouse’s family and friends may see you as someone who will not let go or will not give your soon-to-be ex-spouse the space that they need, which may be a negative narrative that occurs during the experience. However, you cannot afford to pay that narrative any mind.

From a legal perspective, desertion is grounds for divorce in some states, and regardless of whom was asked to leave and who did the asking, the act of leaving the marital home could be used against you when it comes to dividing marital property, debts, or other financial aspects of your divorce.

Additionally, if you have children and they stay in the marital residence after you leave, your access to them is restricted, causing your fight for primary or shared custody to become more difficult.

You may go from family and friends believing that you are the loving and doting parent that you actually are, to someone who abandoned their children at a time they needed you most.

These narratives surrounding the divorce process can be dangerous and can affect testimony if a family member or a friend is asked to describe your character, your relationship with your ex-spouse, or your relationship with your children.

It is important for your case and for your future that you have individuals in your life who believe that you did not abandon your marriage, just as they believe that you did not abandon your children. Not only will having character witnesses in your favor help fight some of the bad facts that may be used against you, but for your own emotional health, it will do you a wealth of good knowing there are people out there who believe in you.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
After your divorce

After your divorce is finalized, you have a hand in deciding your recovery process. You get to decide if you want to focus on yourself and maintain a sense of wellness. You get to decide if you want to live the potential of post-divorce life and not let the fact that you got a divorce define your life.

What you should not do is allow your divorce to paralyze your progress. You should not allow the potential of whispers to stop you from living your life the way you want to live it. You should not remain secluded because of the narrative surrounding the end of your marriage, because the reality of your story is that the ending is unwritten.

You have the opportunity to live a full, healthy, and successful life, regardless of your marital status, and you should take full advantage of that opportunity, regardless of what stories may be floating around. The narrative of who others perceive you to be does not define you, because their words do not matter. You matter.

The post Understanding the Narrative of Divorce appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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When you are married or even in a relationship, you are a part of a collective. You are perceived as part of a couple, and that perception can even extend to your own individuality. With how much that can be comingled, such as bank accounts, credit cards, or living space, when you are married or in a long-term relationship, it is easy to see why others may assign your spouse as a part of who you are.

However, when cracks begin to form in the marriage and you no longer are seen in public as often or at all with your spouse, it can start you down the path of finally being your own person, outside of your ending marriage.

Legal assistance

This also is the time when you are going to need to contact a family law attorney, in order to help you navigate the ins and outs of the divorce process. Given how challenging and emotional the experience can be, you need someone by your side who will fight for you and your future.

Your future is what matters here, and you need to put yourself in the best position possible to move forward with life after your marriage. That means getting into the correct head space, which can be difficult for many who go through a particularly tumultuous break-up and divorce.

Fleeting happiness

Many find themselves unable to think clearly, which causes them to make irrational decisions without thinking about the long-term effects of their actions. They believe that irrational spending or jumping into a new relationship will bring them the greatest amount of joy after just experiencing the greatest amount of stress during their divorce.

While in some cases that may be true, more often than not, it is not the case. Fleeting happiness will not serve you long-term and can cause irreparable harm if severe enough.

In order to get out of that head space and forge your own path without making reactionary decisions, it may be beneficial to contact a mental health professional, who can provide the necessary perspective and give you the tools you need to be your own person after your divorce is finalized.

Being your own person

Whether you are going through a divorce or not, being your own person is not an easy task. There are so many people in your life who may rely on you, and an equal amount of people in your life that you rely on that it can feel like your very existence is defined by your relationships.

You may be so dependent on the people in your life that you can feel out of control. You may find yourself easily intimidated by those you have relied on during your life, and during the divorce process, this can be hazardous.

You may inadvertently agree to a decree that does not have your best interests at heart, which is why you need to rely on the experience of your family law attorney. They understand how difficult this time is for you, and they can act in the best interests of your future, even when you cannot.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Taking the next step

Even with your family law attorney’s help, you still need to be able to do something with the opportunity ahead of you. Even though you may have lost a substantial amount in your divorce, it does not make recovery outside of the realm of possibilities.

You have the chance to stand on your own two feet and make a life that has nothing to do with the unhappiness and dysfunction of your marriage. You have the opportunity to maintain balance within your life, and in future relationships, you have the opportunity to avoid having your identity being swept up into the collective. You have the chance of being yourself.

In being your own person after your divorce is finalized, you have the opportunity to reestablish your self-confidence and forge your own path. Recovery can be difficult, and you may encounter setbacks along the way. However, these challenges and setbacks are no reason to not give it a shot. You have to put forth the energy and effort to making the changes necessary to stand on your own two feet, in order to move on from your divorce.

The post Being Your Own Person After Divorce appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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After a divorce, the only relevant expectations placed on what your next step in life may be, are your own. While you need to accept the support and comfort of others during this emotionally exhausting time in your life, you need to separate their support from their ability to control your life, preventing your feelings from winning out during one of the most vulnerable times in your life.

You may have just exited a marriage, where your feelings were discounted, so why would you allow that occur again by those who feel that they know what is best for you?

No one knows what the perfect post-divorce recovery looks like, because every divorce is different. Every divorce includes two people who could not make their marriage work, and for whatever reason, need to sort through their own feelings on their own timeline.

Legal norms

You may have to go back to your family law attorney and revisit aspects of your divorce decree, such as child custody, child support, or alimony. Your recovery is not less than another divorce recovery of someone who did not have to pursue modification.

As much as it may be written in the social norms to make comparisons about how you are doing versus how other people are doing, it may be better to avoid the inclination, especially in cases of divorce.

Avoid comparisons

Social comparison theory suggests that we, as human beings, determine our own social and personal worth, based on how we stack up against others we perceive as somehow faring better or worse, according to Psychology Today.

Research from the University of California, Los Angeles suggests that you are more likely to make downward comparisons when your self-esteem is threatened. When you make these types of downward comparisons, your existing relationships are more likely to be threatened, and your self-esteem can become dependent on the continued misfortune of others.

After your divorce, you may have the inclination to check on your ex-spouse through social media and compare how they are doing with how you are doing. If you have not already done so, you should resist the urge to do this, and if you have, you need to stop.

In comparing your new life with your ex-spouse’s, you are only hurting yourself. You are voluntarily inflicting unnecessary pain onto yourself and setting your recovery back further.

In these moments of weakness, you need to turn to those you can offer judgment-free kindness and comfort, and those who look to sway your decision-making do not provide comfort without judgment attached to it.

Post-divorce therapy

One of the best resources to utilize in your post-divorce recovery is the aid of a mental health professional. They are trained to help you deal with the pain of your loss and deal with any anxiety or depression that you may be experiencing, as a result of your divorce.

You need to take an active role in any form of therapy that you may engage in with your mental health professional. They are there to help, so it is important to stay humble and stay open to the experience. Even if it is your first time asking for help in this capacity, it is important to embrace this unknown, in order to heal.

You may have a lot of events that you wish to navigate and a lot of change that you need help processing, so you need to form a list, either written or mental, of the various topics and areas that you wish to cover during your therapy sessions.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Take action

There are plenty of other actions you can take to help you post-divorce recovery. Focusing on yourself does not only mean your mental health, but your physical health as well. During the divorce experience, as well as your post-divorce recovery, it is vital that you get the necessary nutrition and improve your health and wellness.

Meal preparation and exercising are two effective and easy ways of improving your overall health and wellness. Doing these things also will help you rebuild any lost confidence and create the best version of you possible.

In addition, many also utilize education and go back to college, in order to open up career opportunities and pursue an entirely new life for themselves. Even if that is not for you, there are plenty of other options to explore, and while you are aiming for the best post-divorce life possible, perfection is not and has never been the goal, which is OK.

Avoid the pursuit

Attempting perfection can bring about the same mental health concerns caused by your divorce, and according to a study from the Harvard Medical School, prioritization is a healthier, more effective way of pursuing goals without eliciting the anxiety that trying to be perfect all the time does.

After divorce, you may not have the energy to pursue perfection, and that is OK. What is not OK is the idea that your life is over because you got divorced. Your life is not over. You have a second chance at forging a life for yourself, and you should allow yourself the opportunity to recover, so that you can move on as a healthier and more whole individual.

The post The Perfect Post-Divorce Recovery Doesn’t Exist appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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When your divorce ends, your case is not always necessarily over. There are times after the decree is finalized, where you may have to revisit the case, in order to help your post-divorce recovery.

This action is not about your children, who may be caught in the crossfire of additional fighting between their parents. You do not love them any less, and you should not feel the stigma of modifying the decree, in order to pay less child support.

This also is not an action based on how you feel about your ex-spouse. While they may not be your favorite individual, your finances come before your feelings, and you cannot consistently pay them alimony if the required payments send you into poverty.

The fact is, your post-divorce recovery may require the aid of your family law attorney, helping you through the modification process and proving how necessary it is.

You are not alone in the need to modify your decree. Many who go through the divorce process and are responsible for paying alimony and child support, will go through the modification process, in order to reduce payments. This makes the payments more likely to occur, and the money is more likely to help the recipient and the children.

Alex Rodriguez’s case

Cases related to child support and alimony modification are all over the news. Former Yankees third baseman and current MLB Analyst Alex Rodriguez is currently pursuing decree modification, attempting to adjust the combined amount that he pays in alimony and child support to his ex-wife, Cynthia Scurtis, according to the Page Six.

The couple, divorced in 2008, share two daughters, Natasha, 13, and Ella, 10. Rodriguez has been paying $115,000 a month tax-free child support and alimony since their marriage ended. The agreement stated that the amount would be revisited at the time of Rodriguez’s retirement, which occurred in 2016.

Given that his income has decreased by 90 percent through retirement (from $30 million to approximately $3 million), and his claims that Scurtis is wealthy with multiple homes, cars, a Master’s degree in Psychology, a fiancé, and a new child, she is more capable of providing for herself.

He is looking to adjust it to $20,000 a month plus tuition and child expenses, despite the fact that the expenses for his kids are somewhere between $7,000 and $12,000 a month, according to Rodriguez.

Rodriguez always has been an outspoken supporter of his children, actively disputing reports that he has ever threatened to cut off child support payments, due to a legal dispute with Cynthia Scurtis’ brother, Constantine.

“I have always paid far more than the maximum in child support, and that will never change,” Rodriguez told the New York Post. “My daughters are my number one priority and always will be. It’s highly offensive to me that my former brother-in-law, who has been trying to pursue a frivolous case against me for four years and has gotten absolutely no where with it in court, is misrepresenting my relationship with my daughters to manipulate the public’s opinion.”

Ashley Parker Angel’s case

Rodriguez is not the only celebrity having issues with modification. Former member of the band, O-Town, Ashley Parker Angel, is facing child support issues of his own.

Angel, who now works as a Broadway actor and singer, claims to have injured his back in May 2018, while working on the musical, “Wicked.” According to TMZ, his injury cost him the role, and thus, he was not earning his normal paycheck for two months.

He is looking to reduce his monthly child support payment, which currently is $1,836. Angel claims that the injury to his back resulted in a financial loss of more than $26,000.

Additionally, Angel has stated that his custody agreement with his ex-girlfriend, Tiffany Lynn Rowe, over their 12-year-old son, Lyric, has changed. The child support agreement was made when she had 90 percent custody over their son, according to Angel, but as it currently stands, Angel claims that they split custody 50-50.

Rowe claims that Angel has other sources of income, including a supplement company he launched last year. She claims that he does not save his money efficiently enough for someone that has downtime in his employment.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Assess your finances

Whether you are a celebrity or not, you need to maintain financial stability. Without financial stability, you cannot make payments to anyone for anything, and you will find yourself falling deeper into a hole of debt, which may result in jail time.

You need to assess your current payment responsibility and decide if it is feasible for you. If it is not, then it is imperative that you contact your family law attorney, in order to proceed with the modification process.

The post When is it Time for Modification? appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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If you have ever been through a divorce, you know how it can suck the energy out of you. You may not feel like you want to do anything, and you may begin to seclude yourself from the company of others.

You also may know that divorce can suck the energy right out of a room. When you are in a social setting, it can hover, pulling you back into a life that you left behind, as well as forcing everyone you come into contact with to acknowledge what you went through.

This can be a lot. You had to live through one of the toughest moments of your life, and now, you are forced to relive it any time it comes up. Subsequently, your friends may begin to feel like the acknowledgement of your divorce is something that is weighing the group down, lowering energy and making social situations difficult.

Your attorney

It can be challenging to talk about the end of your marriage with the person you actually need to talk about it with: your family law attorney. It can be difficult to articulate what you want and what you need during this time, because of how fresh the emotions may be.

However, this is not the time to allow your emotions to paralyze you or your lack of decision-making. Your future is on the line, and if you do not effectively communicate with your attorney, regarding your case, your future, as well as the future of your children could be at risk.

Communicating with your attorney is the best way to use the time you have with them productively. The time you spend with your attorney will benefit you in the long-run, because you are talking to someone who can make a difference in your case. The same may not be said about everyone you choose to discuss your divorce with.

Your friends

Within your support system, you may have specific friends that you choose to vent your frustrations regarding your divorce, your ex-spouse, and your complicated emotions during this difficult time. However, if they are not willing participants to your venting, you can be putting those relationships at risk.

You need confirmation that they are willing to assist you in this difficult process, but you also cannot take advantage of their kindness and thoughtfulness too much. Just like a typical friendship, there needs to be a balance of talking about you and talking about them.

While this may seem like basic information regarding the innerworkings of interpersonal relationships, the stress of the divorce experience can cloud the common courtesy of a conversation. Because of what you are going through, you may feel entitled to talk about it, railroading otherwise easy-going conversations among friends.

You want to keep your friend group close, because they are a support system for you during this difficult time. Focusing solely on what is happening to you and ignoring their lives will only alienate them. You do not want to drive them away.

Your family members

The same can be said for family members. They may have their own thoughts regarding your marriage and can come with a plethora of questions regarding your divorce. They may have never liked your ex-spouse and feel that this is a blessing; that you can do better.

They may have differing views on marriage, based on religious or cultural beliefs making your divorce more stressful than it needs to be from individuals who are not directly involved. They may be angry at you for pursuing a divorce, begging you to reconsider. They may suggest couples therapy, and when that does not work, they may threaten to cut you out of the family, because their belief in the institution of marriage is so strong.

When it comes to divorce, family members can fluctuate in their support, so you need to feel out the situation before you decide to share any details regarding your divorce or your feelings. As much as you may want to trust them with these details, you cannot afford to jeopardize your mental and emotional health with the unnecessary stress they may place on you with their unsupportive opinions.

With all of the experiences you go through during the divorce process, you need to have supportive individuals in your corner, helping you along the way, and while you may have the legal help from your family law attorney and the comfort of family and friends, seeking the aid of a mental health professional can only be beneficial to yourself and your future.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Your mental health professional

With a mental health professional, you do not need to worry about tip-toeing through a conversation about your divorce. You do not have to worry about dominating the conversation or the judgement of others. You talk, and they listen. Mental health professionals are trained to help those in need, and during the divorce process, you qualify.

As new and intimidating as it may be to ask for help regarding your mental health, it is too important not to. You need to set yourself up for a post-divorce life with your best foot forward, and that starts with discussing what you have been through with someone that can help you be the best you that you can be.

The post The Ins and Outs of Discussing Your Divorce appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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After your divorce, finding a new sense of normal is important. You feel like your entire world is upended, and you are left to put the pieces back together of your life, with half of them taken away. The comfort and support that you receive at this time are critical to your post-divorce recovery.

One form of support and comfort that you can receive on a daily basis is from your pet. Whether it is a dog, a cat, a bird, or some other type of animal, pets can help you survive divorce through their ability to relieve stress and anxiety and fight off depression.

However, support from pets can be difficult if your pet is not one of the possessions that you have retained in the division of assets.

Courts have been slow to recognize pets as anything more than divisible property that should go to one owner over another during the divorce process. Depending on the state and court, results of pursuing custody of a pet has differed.

Challenges of pet custody

Part of the issue steams from cost issues. The more items you argue about during the divorce process, the longer and more expensive the divorce process can be.

When it comes to pets, the emotional attachment of maintaining your marital pet can outweigh the practicality of getting a new one.

“I’ve had clients spend $15,00 to $20,000 arguing over an animal that they can repurchase for $4,000,” said Cordell & Cordell CEO and Executive/Managing Partner Scott Trout.

The other issue stems from the lack of regulations regarding pet custody. States and courts do not have set regulations on what to do when these highly emotional fights occur, and judges can find themselves “winging it,” when it comes to reaching a fair decision.

“I’ve had a judge tell me we’re going to flip a coin and whoever wins the coin toss gets to pick the first piece of property,” Mr. Trout said. “That includes the animals.”

There also are judges who have put the dog between the two would-be owners and attempted to determine who it liked best, according to The Associated Press.

States are beginning to start to identify the need for legislation in this area, and the most recent of these states being California.

New law in California

Governor Jerry Brown signed a law stating that judges deciding who gets to keep the pet will have the discretion of weighing such factors as who feeds them, who takes them to the veterinarian, who walks them, and who protects them, according to The Associated Press.

The law, previously Assembly Bill 2274, now gives California courts more guidance than they ever previously received. This law will give them a more established process to figuring out who should retain custody of the pet or pets.

Assembly Bill 2274 was introduced by Assemblyman Bill Quirk who believes that pets needed a more defined place in the process.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Reaping the benefits

If you live in California and you are going through the divorce process, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the potential of you having your beloved family pet by your side to help you in your time of need has never been greater.

While you may not be able to get the life you once had back, you are able to build a new life alongside your beloved cat, dog, bird, fish, or other pet. You are able to keep your blood pressure in check and void the mental stress of a challenging situation.

You are able to lean into a healthier version of a post-divorce recovery. You are able to get yourself into a routine and force yourself to be productive.

You are able to help your children get through this challenging time in their life through their development of emotional intelligence. This is all thanks to having a pet around during your post-divorce recovery and being able to go through the process with general guidelines in place.

The post Pet Custody Law Changing Life After Divorce for California Residents appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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Men's Divorce by Daniel Pearce - 4M ago

The divorce is finalized, and you are exhausted. You just went through some of the most challenging moments of your life, watching your marriage end and the person you promised to love for the rest of your life now is your ex-spouse.

This change in roles can be challenging for many people. As emotionally depleting and volatile as the divorce experience can be, not everyone feels comfortable painting their ex-spouse as the villain in the narrative of their ended marriage.

Even when you were meeting with your family law attorney, you may have had trouble standing up for yourself and behaving as if your marriage is over.

This is understandable. Given the level of commitment that it takes to enter a marriage, it can be difficult to shift perspectives once a marriage begins to break down and divorce enters the picture. This is especially true when the end of the marriage is amicable. You want to continue a type of friendship beyond your marriage. However, for the sake of your future, you may need to take action.

Your ex

As much as you do not want to see your ex-spouse as your ex-spouse, it is detrimental to your case not to treat her as such. You need to be proactive in your case and in your future by making a list of all of the possessions that you wish to keep.

Additionally, you need to be able to make a list of possessions that you want, but will not be overly heartbroken if you do not receive those. Whether this list is mental or written, you and your attorney are the only two who should know what those items and assets are.

You cannot allow your soon-to-be ex-spouse to have an advantage during the course of your divorce. Your perception of who they were in your life cannot be allowed to affect the outcome of your divorce.

Not a problem

For others, this may not be as much of a problem. Their perception of their ex-spouse may have been cemented in their minds, due to specific actions, events, or words that were said. There may have been infidelity involved or simply a constant state of toxic behavior, where your daily interactions became more unpleasant over time.

In these challenging circumstances, you may find yourself slowly resenting the other person as they continue to do things to needle you and drive you further and further away. They may stop coming home at regular hours and may wish to spend more time with friends or members of their side of the family. They may spend money without thinking of you or the well-being of the familial unit. Their outlook may become all about them.

In those situations, you often can begin to think about your spouse as your ex-spouse, even before the divorce process has been initiated. Some people begin to date before the process begins, which is something that you should probably avoid doing.

However, if your soon-to-be ex-spouse begins to do that, and uses marital funds to further her dating life while your marriage still is valid, you can use that in court, so long as it is provable.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Marital waste

Marital waste attempts to prove that one spouse in the marriage abused or intentionally squandered marital assets to deprive the other party of their fair share. Depending on a variety of factors, many courts will consider money spent on an affair to be marital waste.

If the relationship already was souring, this action will simply cement the perception you already have. This is important, because that perception can manifest into a grudge that you hold against your ex-spouse long after your divorce has been finalized, and that is not healthy.

Getting well and moving forward

As angry as you may be, you cannot let that anger dictate your life or your decisions. You need to live for yourself and your new future, and in order to do that, asking the help of a licensed mental health professional may be necessary.

You may need to deal with how you look at your ex-spouse moving forward, and therapy can help with that, giving you the perspective you need to avoid anger and living in the past. You can see clearly and have the strength to move on with your life.

The post Seeing Your Ex As Your Ex appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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With how much pressure in society revolves around personal relationships, it can be emotionally exhausting for those who have just experienced a divorce. You can feel like you have failed in some way or have not done enough to keep up with peers.

While comparisons like that are rarely healthy or useful, the inclination is a natural human reaction and a result of no longer having someone so ingratiated into your day-to-day life.

With all of this pressure, you may feel like you need to get back out there and start dating as soon as possible. You may rush into a new relationship and not be able to handle it, simply because you are not ready.

Being ready

Being ready for a new relationship is not an exact science. It is not based on the number of years that you have been married, nor is it based on how recently you have gotten divorced. It is entirely dependent on the individual and how they are handling the mental and emotional side of the divorce experience.

You have to know yourself, which can be challenging. You may no longer trust your own judgment after a divorce, because of how committed you may have been to your significant other. Some who go through the divorce process feel that because they entered a marriage that did not last, their judgment is suspect and thus, they are incapable of making impactful life decisions.

New relationships

Additionally, you also may jump into a new relationship without considering the feelings of a potential new partner. As much as you may feel like you are ready to move on, if your potential new partner feels as though you are using them to get over your ex-spouse, you need to consider slowing things down or waiting until you have moved on.

This may sound like you are allowing your divorce to have control and power over your life and your decision-making. The reality is that your health and wellness come first. You need to be able to be fully committed to a new relationship and not fall victim to traps like using an innocent person to get over your ex-spouse.

It can be difficult to know when you are ready for a new relationship, and having friends who do not understand that may not help the situation. You need to be able to talk to them about what you are feeling, so that they do not attempt to put you in a social or romantic situation that you simply are not ready for.

Being open about those feelings can be a step in the right direction, but it is not always indicative of being ready. You still may have unresolved feelings or misplaced loyalty toward your ex-spouse. These types of sentiments do not always just disappear because the two of you experienced a divorce.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Mental health assistance

You may require the help of a licensed mental health professional, in order to sort through these feelings in a healthy and constructive way. A licensed mental health professional can create a safe environment for you to sort through your feelings and provide clarity for you, regarding your situation.

When it comes to your divorce, it can be difficult to be the most objective person, given that it happened to you. Therefore, it can be beneficial to sort through any events or feelings you may have regarding the end of your marriage. Therapy can give you the best opportunity to move forward.

Your own pace

Moving forward should not include comparing your readiness to your ex-spouse’s readiness. Just because your ex-spouse moved on does not mean that you should or are ready to. You also should not feel bad about your lack of readiness. Many men take divorce significantly harder than women.

There is no pace to recover from a divorce, just like there is no pace to be ready for a new relationship. You just have to know and trust that you are seeking and entering a new relationship for the right reasons. You need to be able to respect the new partner to be honest and trust that you are making the right decision for you and your future.

The post Being Ready for a New Relationship After Divorce appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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You do not have to be OK right away. If you have just gone through a divorce, you may feel the pressure to get your life back together as soon as possible. You may have friends or family members who have gone through the divorce process and not outwardly shown the emotions that you may be experiencing during your own divorce.

In the time it takes for a marriage to break down, the events that can transpire and the words that can be said can change the emotional tapestry of each significant point of the experience.

At some points, you may feel the relief of no longer being in an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship. Feeling this way is OK. Other times, you may miss your soon-to-be ex-spouse/ex-spouse. Feeling this way is OK.

No matter your feelings at the various points of this process, you need to honor them and do not hold yourself to anyone’s time table for how long you are allowed to grieve the loss of your marriage or express the relief of exiting something so broken.

Legal help

Whether you are forced to fight for your assets or you have an amicable division of assets, you still will need the aid of an experienced family law attorney, who can help you navigate the ins and outs of the legal aspects of the divorce process.

When you are going through the challenges of these complex emotions, it is important to have someone fighting for your case. You cannot afford to be the only one focused on the ins and outs of the process, as you have many other matters to sort through.

Mental and emotional help

Because of the amount of changes and the emotions attached to the changes, it would benefit you to have someone to talk to during this difficult time. One of those you need in your support system may be a mental health professional, licensed and capable of helping you deal with the challenging emotional tapestry associated with the end of your marriage.

As much as you may not want to seek help for something mentally or emotionally based, your health is too important to ignore. The notions of masculinity that have steered away from help-seeking are incapable of helping you in your post-divorce recovery. The toxicity of these notions have poisoned many a man, causing them to fall victim to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.

One of the more significant revelations you may discover during post-divorce therapy involves your very nature. The challenge for many men in today’s society involves understanding the truth of that very aspect of themselves and ending whatever fears and weaknesses that would prevent them from acting in accordance with that, according to Psychology Today.

By finding that essential nature of yourself through post-divorce therapy, you have the opportunity of being the best version of yourself that you can be. You can tear down those weaknesses and remove fear from the equation, while sorting through all of the mental and emotional baggage attached to the end of your marriage.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
At your own pace

This may not happen right away. It may take days, weeks, months, or even years to fully unpack, and unpacking everything may not occur either. You do not have a timeline to adhere to, so try your best not to feel any pressure to move at the pace of others.

While you may hope to go through this process as quickly as possible, meet someone new, and begin a new life with a new significant other, there may be setbacks along the way, and that is OK. You are allowed to have bad days. You are allowed to miss your ex-spouse. You are allowed to miss the life that you once had.

You are attempting to move on from a commitment that was intended to last forever. You are allowed to have bad days. What you should not do is allow those bad days to outnumber the good by focusing on the negatives of the situation. In reality, you have a lot to look forward to in your post-divorce life.

You may fear looking forward. Many do, out of the fear of disrespecting their previous marriage. However, that is a habit based in a presently active marriage. Since the marriage is something of the past, you are not disrespecting your previous marriage. You are choosing to live in reality. You are choosing a better, healthier life for yourself at your own pace.

The post Your Post-Divorce Feelings Have No Timeline appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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When you were married, you may have had certain habits that you fell into. You may have had certain friends that you hung out with for couples’ nights or for other types of social occasions. You may have grabbed a drink with the guys or hosted a football watch party with other married couples.

When you go through a divorce, these types of situations can change.

The feelings of your friends

You may have long-lasting relationships with these friends, but everyone reacts to a divorce in a social circle differently, and depending on the person, it can change your relationship.

As awkward as divorce is for you to experience, your friends also will experience some level of awkwardness that will dictate many of your social interactions with them. They may not know what they should and should not bring up, and they may not know what to do.

You or your ex

They may have been close with your ex-spouse and are not sure how they personally feel about the fact that you two are no longer together or anything that may have transpired during the divorce process. They also have to navigate their own loyalties. Many attach themselves to one person experiencing a divorce and lose touch with the other.

Sometimes, it is unintentional. Sometimes, a friend of yours stays a friend of yours and loses touch with your ex-spouse when you divorce. Sometimes, that is not the case.

There are social situations where you may have introduced a friend to your ex-spouse when you still were married. They became friends, and when the divorce occurs, you lost that original friendship. A person who was your friend suddenly has changed their view of you and has gravitated toward your ex-spouse.

Suddenly, you no longer have that person to talk to about what you are going through in post-divorce life. You no longer have that person to hang out with, grab a drink, and watch a game together. This can be a loss that you grieve in a similar fashion to the loss of a spouse through divorce.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Awkward topic

Another issue that you may face is friends unwilling to discuss what you are going through as a newly divorced individual. It is understandable why they would not wish to dive into such a heavy topic. They might be newly married or in a place in their lives where they cannot quite empathize with your situation.

Some of the actions that occur as a result of a divorce, such as spending less time with your children or having to pay alimony and child support, may be difficult topics that your friends cannot relate to.

They also may prefer that you look to vent outside of the friend group. Many friends may prefer that you speak to your family law attorney about modifying your divorce decree, in order to change the circumstances surrounding your divorce, or to a mental health professional, in order to improve your mental health and wellness.

You may have friends who do not want to be your shoulder to lean on or your ear to listen. That is okay, so long as you do not push the situation. You always can utilize the comfort of other friends, who may be more willing to empathize and help you through this challenging time in your life.

That does not necessarily mean your unempathetic friends are no longer your friends. It just means that they have emotional boundaries in place within your relationship, and while they may wish to continue to hang out and shoot the breeze with you, they do not wish to get into the complex emotional tapestry of the divorce that you just experienced.

In terms of relating to a situation, since every divorce is unique, they may not quite understand all of the complexities surrounding the situation, which is why it is important to go into a social setting with that sense of understanding.

Avoid seclusion

You should not avoid social settings, due to your divorce. As much as you may want to seclude yourself and avoid people after the emotionally draining experiences of the divorce process, it is neither healthy nor helpful to you to avoid human interaction. You cannot allow your divorce to define you.

You have a new opportunity ahead of you, and through your reliance on those willing to help you and empathize with your situation, you have the opportunity to move forward with your life.

The post Navigating Social Waters After Divorce appeared first on Men's Divorce.

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