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@alice-venturi

Anytime, thank you for writing in<3

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@alice-venturi

I’m sorry to hear that, I’ve spent the past year alone too.

It’s frustrating to have a parent like that. Especially if they’re the only person you can depend on. 

I had an old friend who woke up on Thanksgiving to find out that her mom was gone to spend the holidays with her boyfriend.

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Hello anyone~

It’s the holiday season and almost the end of the year. I’m sorry if I upset or hurt anyone by taking a hiatus. My answers ended up being the same for everyone’s situation and I was getting PTSD. I’m dealing with my own pain and I’m trying to change my life. I’m not even sure if anyone likes my advice.

I’m still here though and monitor this blog so feel free to ask/say/vent anything if you need to and if it hasn’t been answered before.

Please work hard and keep learning.

Happy New Year

-SS

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Hello, this is one of the members of the lifewithdivorcedparents tumblr.

I will be taking a hiatus from posting to this blog.


My advice has become repetitious.

Please check out my past advice, it may answer your questions:

http://lifewithdivorcedparents.tumblr.com/tagged/SS

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Anonymous asked:

I am 15 years old teenage girl whose parents are soon going to get a divorce and i have a younger sister aged 5yrs. And i just dont want this things happen to my sister. She is the person for whom i can do anything and my mum she is having boyfriend and she wants divorce with my daddy. My daddy is doin evrything so that he can save our future but all mom is tryin to destroy it. All she want is money, property, her boyfriend, her life. She don’t care for our future at all. I hope I had btter mum.

Hello, I understand your frustration and disappointment. It’s not unheard for women to behave like this during a divorce.

No matter what happens, protect your sister. All she has is you.

She is much younger and therefore much more vulnerable to the problems that tend to arise after divorce.

Avoid your mother and especially her boyfriend as much as possible. No need to fight her and cause more pain, just leave her in the past and focus on caring for yourself and your sister. Good thing you still have your father.

Your mother may possibly try to take custody of you and your sister and that would mean you would both have to live with her. If you do not want that to happen, speak up as you do have a voice in these legal matters.

In consideration of your welfare and well-being, I highly recommend you do not live with your mother because she is actively dating. If she lives with a guy/boyfriend, do not live with her under any circumstance and do not compromise.

Ideally, you and your sister moving in with your father is best just as long as he is not dating anyone and neither plans to.

With that being said, there are tendencies with parents after divorce and he may also start dating as well.

Worst case scenario, you may eventually need to move out with your sister. Soon you will be an adult and will be able to make legal decisions including in regards to guardianship. If both parents end up unsuitable households, then moving out and caring for your sister by yourself is an option.

Living independently is a very grueling lifestyle but it would be the best and safest alternative for you and your sister.

If you need any more advice, feel free to ask.

Good luck!

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There are a few messages that have been submitted to this blog that I haven’t been able to respond to yet. I am not ignoring any message and will respond as soon as I can.

I sincerely apologise for the delay and hope you’re all doing well.

-SS

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I’m 16/my parents are divorcing. My whole life I’ve moved back and forth between states and finally we were going to settle down. I believed them and got comfortable enough to put myself out there and be in a relationship but because of the divorce I have to move out of state again. I’m happy here and have an amazing boyfriend who had been my best friend for years(even before I moved here). don’t want to say I hate my parents but”mad” isn’t a passionate enough word to describe how I feel rn

It sounds like what’s making you frustrated is the constant lack of stability you have had to face since you were little. I also had to move often and attend many schools.

New things are stressful for virtually everyone. Especially moving, which is commonly considered one of the most stressful things out there.

People always come and go anyway, even if you stay in one place or nothing major happens. It happens naturally over time with friends and even close family.

Have courage and face each challenge one by one.

Improvise and adapt and eventually you will gain a sense of stability.

-SS

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Yesterday night my dad told my mum he wants a divorce. They separated when I was 5 but I don’t remember it well. I’m 19 now and I feel like I should have seen it coming but it hurts so bad I feel sick at the idea of them not together. My mum even took her rings off. I’m praying and praying my dad comes home and tells her he didn’t mean it. I should be mature about it but my mum is throwing out memorable things and I’m terrified. I’m scared and I’ve cried for hours because I don’t know what to do

Hi there~

I’m so sorry to hear about your parents.

I was a little confused at first by your message because your parents already separated yet still chose to live together all this time. It seems like they decided to still stay together for your sake. It also sounds like they were good parents and raised you well. If this is true, your parents really love you. Most parents would never do what they did.

There is nothing to be afraid of. What’s happening is heartbreaking, but it’s beyond your control.  

The good thing is is that you are 19 and an adult. If they separated for real back then when you were 5, your life would’ve been totally different.

Focus on your future and how to become successful, and minimize dependency on your parents. If you ever need someone to talk to, message me and I will respond asap and I can even give you my e-mail or number.

You are now at the beginning of your journey.

-SS

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Is it wrong for me to be angry with my mother for getting a secret boyfriend before my parents divorce is even finalized? She hides her phone and goes away for the weekend to see him without ever telling us the truth. I use to look up to my mom, now I just feel sad whenever I’m around her.

What you’re feeling is completely natural and not wrong at all.

Usually it’s the young daughter that’s hiding her phone, sneaking out to see her boyfriend and making mom upset, right?

That just illustrates how ridiculous she’s being. Your mother has a responsibility as a parent yet is acting like a teenage girl and only thinking of herself. Who wouldn’t be angry? She’s being selfish and a fool.

She also must be really hurt by this divorce and how her life has turned out. Her boyfriend is her escape from reality and the agony she’s dealing with. It doesn’t justify at all but it might explain why she’s acting like this.

Distance yourself emotionally from her or else you’ll just get further disappointed. You don’t have to be sad or angry with her anymore, it will only suck your energy and lead you to destruction.

One of the reasons why she has a strong effect on your emotions is simply because you regularly see each other. I recommend avoiding her as much as possible. Out of sight, out of mind. And when you have to interact with her, remain calm and diplomatic.

I also recommend creating a sanctuary that you can retreat to and soothe yourself whenever times get tough. If you have a room, make it cozy. It doesn’t have to be an actual place either, it can be your phone or laptop.

Focus on your future now. Move forward and keep going. If you rise up, what happens below will feel insignificant.

I’m so sorry with what you’re dealing with right now, we’ve all been there. Feel free to message me whenever you need to.

Thank you for reaching out and good luck.

-SS

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