“Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.”
The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… Although still silent, it stinks terribly.”
“Good”, the doctor said, “now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing.”
A woman wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes but didn’t want to pay a fortune for them. So she headed out to the swamp, determined to catch herself an alligator. Her boyfriend stayed at the hotel.
Later that day, she stood waist deep in the murky bayou water with a shotgun in hand. She heard the unmistakable purr of a full-grown alligator, spotted it drifting by and shot it dead! She pulled it out of the water and examined it.
“Nope… no good!” she said and headed back for more.
She did this all day, killing upwards of a dozen gators before heading back to the hotel in defeat.
As she flopped down on the bed, here boyfriends asked, “Did you catch any gator?”
“Yeah,” replied the disappointed and exhausted woman, “but they were all barefoot!”
A man was pulled over by the police on the highway for speeding. The cop instructed the man to roll down his window.
“Were you aware of how fast you were just driving!?” the cop said.
“Yes, I was trying to escape the scene of a robbery I was involved in.” the man replied.
“What? As the victim or burglar?” the cop was quite shocked.
“Burglar, sir. I have the loot in the back of the car.” the man said calmly.
“I am afraid you will have to come with me, sir.” and the cop reached into the car to subdue the man.
“Be careful, sire! I don’t want you to find the gun in my glove compartment!” the man shouted, fearfully.
By now, the cop was quite frustrated because of the fact that he had not been caught doing all of these actions, despite the man’s obvious stupidity. The cop called for backup, and in the nick of time, sirens and helicopters flooded the scene.
After the police force searched the man’s car, another police officer approached the man.
“Sir, the cop that approached you earlier informed us that you recently robbed a house, had the stolen loot in the back of your car and a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we couldn’t find any of these things in your car.”
“What? That liar told you that?” the man replied. “I bet he told you I was speeding too!”