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Laugh Break by Laught Break - 4d ago

A teacher overheard the student’s conversation.

Teen girl to Friend, “For the prom, I’m renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair.”

A teacher who has overheard the conversation, “Wow, that’s more than I spent for my wedding!”

Teen girl , “Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but prom is a once in a lifetime experience.”

The post Preparing for the prom appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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Laugh Break by Laught Break - 1w ago

A police had a knock at a man’s door earlier…

The police, “Sir!”

The man, “Yes?”

The police, “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”

The man, “Liar! My dog doesn’t have a bike!”

The post Your dog in trouble! appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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Laugh Break by Laught Break - 1w ago

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

“Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.”

The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… Although still silent, it stinks terribly.”

“Good”, the doctor said, “now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing.”

The post Silent and deadly appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hear about his extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

The post Buying his wife a diamond ring for Christmas appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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He called his mother to share his good news with her. He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.

When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women. His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.

He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.

So after they finished the dinner, the son ask his mother to guess which one was his fiancee.

She looked at each one again carefully and then replied, “It’s the one sit opposite of me.”

“How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?” he inquired.

She coldly replied, “Because I can’t stand her.”

The post Mother meets her daughter-in-law at the dinner appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.”

“Why not, son?” the dad replied.

The boy said, “Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”

The dad was confused and said, “But why don’t you want to go today?”

The boy started to cry and said, “Because our English teacher died yesterday!”

The post Don’t want to go to school today appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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One day, a boy came home running while crying. His mother was concerned and asked what happened.

The boy said, “I got punished for something I did not do!”

His mother said, “That’s horrible. What did you not do?”

The boy in tears and said, “My homework…”

Then his mother punished the boy again.

The post A boy got punished for something he did not do appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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A woman wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes but didn’t want to pay a fortune for them. So she headed out to the swamp, determined to catch herself an alligator.
Her boyfriend stayed at the hotel.

Later that day, she stood waist deep in the murky bayou water with a shotgun in hand. She heard the unmistakable purr of a full-grown alligator, spotted it drifting by and shot it dead! She pulled it out of the water and examined it.

“Nope… no good!” she said and headed back for more.

She did this all day, killing upwards of a dozen gators before heading back to the hotel in defeat.

As she flopped down on the bed, here boyfriends asked, “Did you catch any gator?”

“Yeah,” replied the disappointed and exhausted woman, “but they were all barefoot!”

The post A pair of genuine alligator shoes appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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Laugh Break by Laught Break - 2M ago

A man was pulled over by the police on the highway for speeding. The cop instructed the man to roll down his window.

“Were you aware of how fast you were just driving!?” the cop said.

“Yes, I was trying to escape the scene of a robbery I was involved in.” the man replied.

“What? As the victim or burglar?” the cop was quite shocked.

“Burglar, sir. I have the loot in the back of the car.” the man said calmly.

“I am afraid you will have to come with me, sir.” and the cop reached into the car to subdue the man.

“Be careful, sire! I don’t want you to find the gun in my glove compartment!” the man shouted, fearfully.

By now, the cop was quite frustrated because of the fact that he had not been caught doing all of these actions, despite the man’s obvious stupidity. The cop called for backup, and in the nick of time, sirens and helicopters flooded the scene.

After the police force searched the man’s car, another police officer approached the man.

“Sir, the cop that approached you earlier informed us that you recently robbed a house, had the stolen loot in the back of your car and a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we couldn’t find any of these things in your car.”

“What? That liar told you that?” the man replied. “I bet he told you I was speeding too!”

The post A stupid robber appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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Laugh Break by Laught Break - 2M ago

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were complete, the FBI had narrowed the field down to five possible agents.

For the final, the FBI interviewers took one of the candidates to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. We need you to kill her.”

The candidate said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The other three candidates also refused and failed the test. Finally, the last candidate was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another.

Then the FBI interviewers heard screaming, so they rushed into the room. They saw the candidate was strangling his wife with his hands. So they stopped the man and asked what was going on.

The man replied, “Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks!”

The post FBI interview test appeared first on The Best Place for Clean Jokes and Useless Facts!.

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