If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice, you know how annoying it can be. In this video, we share our method for dealing with well-meaning meddlers!
Have you ever been the unwitting recipient of someone telling you what they think you need to do? Have you been “shoulded” on? Like you “should” this or that. Unsolicited advice comes at us all the time.
In today’s video we’re addressing unsolicited advice. This is a really common boundary violation, and the next time you’re faced with a well-meaning meddler, we want you to be able to deal with it with grace.
What is unsolicited advice?
Very simply put, it’s advice we didn’t ask for. When someone starts a sentence with, “Here’s what you should do”, that’s unsolicited advice. When people give us advice we didn’t ask for, it can make us mad. Why? We feel imposed upon. We feel disconnected, distrusted and unvalued.
What is solicited advice?
It’s ASKED for! There is an open desire for input from someone you trust or like, as in, “What do you think I can or should do?”
It’s when someone has really listened to you and has checked in with you before giving you feedback or advice. It’s about RESPECT.
The person giving solicited advice checks in with something like,“Would you like to hear my feedback?”
Why do people give unsolicited advice?
THEY WANT TO HELP!
Most are well meaning meddlers.
They want to contribute to your life.
They have no idea that sharing their advice in this way can be very annoying, off-putting judgmental, and alienating.
Some examples of unsolicited advice:
In relationships where there is the most safety and familiarity, such as our families, unsolicited advice is common. Parents tell their teens what they should do instead of checking in with them first. Or kids tell parents what to do, which can feel disrespectful to the parents. It’s like they think they have free rein to tell us what to do. The nerve!
Pregnant women receive tons of unsolicited advice, from what they should name their kids to what they should eat, how much they should sleep, and so much more!
Anyone with a medical diagnosis will receive advice from well-meaning meddlers. It can be overwhelming and annoying.
Watch this video to hear more examples of unsolicited advice and how to set a boundary and deal with it (without losing your cool).
How to Handle Unsolicited Advice - YouTube
Learn our “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR” Method for how to deal with unsolicited advice by downloading the PDF below.
Please share your experience with unsolicited advice, whether you’ve been the recipient or the giver.
Can your relationship be saved? My radio guest, Larry Bilotta, discloses the number one reason why marriages fall apart and how he saved his own challenging relationship from hell!
Want to know how to save your challenging relationship? Married over 40 years when divorce is so prevalent, my radio guest, Larry Bilotta, is the leading authority on understanding people, marriage and relationships.
Larry lived 27-years in a marriage made in Hell, but in the 28th year, he fell in love…with his wife! Today, after transforming his own marriage, Larry holds the key to bringing a marriage back from the brink of divorce – even after the papers have been filed.
How to Save a Challenging Relationship
How did you save your challenging relationship after 27 years of hell?
My wife, Marsha, and I are opposites in virtually every way. When we got married, we were young and didn’t understand our programming. She was trying to rip my programming out of me and force me to change to her value system.
We all want to make others live according to our programs. I call it the invisible lifestyle; the style of living according to the values programmed into us when we were children. These values are so much a part of us, and when we are offended, it’s because our partner is stepping on our parent’s value system.
Nobody wants to hear, “You’re just like your mother or father.” This is a condemnation of the worst of our parent’s value system. My wife and I were clashing, but we were programmed by our parents to stay married and stay miserable.
I was searching for answers, because I was in pain. Finally, I was able to accept myself as I was when I realized that Marsha was threatened by my value system. Because her parents got angry, she got angry. Because my parents were avoiders, I avoided confrontation.
If you want to go on your last first date, figure out if you’re an avoider or a confronter.
Tell me about your concept called “chaos kids”. How did you arrive at that term?
“Chaos kids” are those who are raised in abandonment, abuse, or neglect. Those children grow up to magnetize someone who has the same type of pain. When the pain matches, boom—you’re in love. All the dark ugliness of your childhood goes away. But, the love chemicals are temporary. And you believe this grand lie: If I feel this way now, I’ll feel this way forever.
This is a lie, because after you’re in a routine, the chemicals fall away, and your original programming comes out. When you’re 35-45, the pain of your childhood gets so strong, you can enter a midlife crisis. This is the personality of the worst of your programmers that takes over and possesses you. This destroys intimacy.
If you’re “program-possessed” like this, your intimacy is suppressed. You can’t find it, as it strikes from your subconscious mind. It’s you being possessed by what happened in your childhood.
What’s a great question to ask on a first or second date to determine if someone is a “chaos kid”?
Ask this question: “When you consider all of your life successes, how much do you credit to your mom and dad?”
Then, count to three seconds. If you still don’t have your answer after three seconds, it’s not good. It means your date is calculating and covering for what happened in his/her childhood. They don’t want to look bad on a first date. So they will often alter the story.
If they answer right away, they will usually say positive things about their childhood and how it affected their successes. We know the future of our relationships by what they share about their parents’ influence on them.
A typical match is two people who both have abandonment energy. They could have been latchkey kids who were alone in the house when they got home from school.
When you’ve both been abandoned, it feels like a match. It takes two forms. The first form is controlling: “I’m going to watch that you don’t abandon me”. The second is abandoning: “I’m going to leave if you distance yourself from me”.
Listen to the episode to hear how a healthy person might answer this question, even if their parents were emotionally or physically abusive.
How did you wake up and heal your marriage?
The ego is a destructive force. I call it Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street. Once you have a name for the enemy, you know it’s separate from you. I am not it and it’s not me. This destructive force creates all the suffering in our health and relationships.
Get in tune with your Freddy. This begins to change your programming. We are the cruise ship and there’s a rat on the cruise ship. You’re good and the rat is not.
If you have a beautiful ship and a rat came on deck, you’d have a lot of problems! Remove the rat from the ship. Put it in the cage so you can control it.
Tired of dating drama? My radio guest, Camie Vincent wrote the book on how to date without drama. Check out her great tips here.
My radio guest, Camie Vincent, is a psychotherapist in private-practice near Atlanta, Georgia. Her book, Drama Free Dating, was the topic of discussion in this week’s episode. Camie is a world traveler and appreciates the little things in life. She writes an advice column for dating/relationships, is a romantic at heart, and wholeheartedly believes in love.
How to Ditch the Dating Drama
How did drama show up in your dating life?
I’ve had my share of relationships that were toxic over the years. I learned a lot from these relationships. I was always that friend who my male and female friends came to for advice. Sometimes what [men and women] said was similar, and sometimes men and women were so polar opposite. I wrote the book to talk about different viewpoints on dating and relationships.
How do you define dating drama?
Drama to me is best defined as insecurities. If someone is jealous, controlling, or trying to change someone else, it comes from our past. We learn to love and communicate from watching whoever raised us. We don’t always have the best role models.
What are a few ways to avoid dating drama?
First, when people get out of one relationship, they need to ask themselves what they learned from it. Look at the past three relationships, and see if there are similarities.
Ask yourself, “What am I looking for in a partner?” Don’t settle. Love yourself first. Work on your insecurities. Be fine being alone for awhile.
What are some of the dating differences between men and women?
Men want to ease into a relationship. Women will sometimes start to pre-label a relationship, and men run from that. Women want to jump right in. Ladies, step back and see if you really want to be with him. Does he have what you’re looking for?
Another thing women do is overanalyze, and men don’t. In the beginning, men might be calling a lot, pursuing the woman. All of a sudden, they start to pull back. When they do that, the woman thinks she did something wrong. No, it’s natural for him to start pulling back.
Another difference is that a lot of men want to be told what women want, and not be mind-readers. [Women want men to read their minds.]
Women say, “I can clean the house and run the kids to school and cook a meal, and I don’t get a thank you. Men take out the trash, and want a pat on the back. What’s up with that?” Ladies, think about the fact that you’re probably the only one giving men compliments, while women give each other compliments all the time.
Listen to the full episode to hear Camie’s take on:
How long do you recommend people wait to date after a divorce?
When do you recommend introducing the person you’re dating to your children?
What are some ways to stay safe and avoid danger while dating?
Check out Camie’s very popular guest post here on my blog:
Shame is one of the most debilitating emotional reactions we have. Watch this video to learn how to stop the shame spiral and take your power back!
Have you ever felt the shame of not being good enough, not measuring up to others’ expectations, or doing the wrong thing and wishing you could take it back?
In today’s video, Theresa Byrne and I are talking about how to stop the shame spiral. This is not about setting boundaries with others. Shame requires you to set boundaries with yourself first. We’ll show you how.
Shame! Now there’s a topic…
Shame is one of the most debilitating emotional reactions we have; it can literally suck the wind out of our sails and stop us from moving forward. We can get emotionally triggered from past shame unless we work on it.
That’s why we want to talk about shame and how to stop letting it take you down.
Why Do We Have Shame?
1. Judgement: Shame is always a reaction to judgment; either judgement from someone else or ourselves. Babies don’t inherently have shame. They don’t care if they’ve messed their diapers, because that’s what they’re supposed to do! Shame is learned behavior, or what’s considered right or wrong based on our cultural or family messages.
2. Expectations: When others have expectations of us, and we don’t meet them, we feel a sense of unworthiness or shame. Expectations lIke “you have go to college or get a 9-5 job to be successful, or you have to be married by a certain age or have kids”, even if that’s not something you want.
3. The Energetic Effect of Shame: On the applied kinesiology scale, shame has been calculated in our bodies as the closest to death! Shame makes us feel like we want to curl up into a ball. Not only does it take our energy away, it can zap our will to live! Shame becomes a spiral unless we know how to stop it.
4. Rejection: Our fear of rejection can create shame and paralysis. We fear rejection based on a past experience where we felt embarrassed or ashamed when we were vulnerable and opened our hearts to someone. Many of my clients are afraid to speak up when feelings are hurt, because in the past, a partner made fun of them or rejected and called them too needy or too sensitive. That fear of rejection brings on a sense of shame, and they enter into a shame spiral rather than standing in their power.
5. Assault/Abuse: Many women who’ve been sexual assaulted or who’ve been in toxic or abusive relationships don’t report the abuse due to the shame around the event, the stigma and how they might be seen. They start to doubt themselves and their choices. They lack the ability to say “NO”.
Theresa shares a heartbreaking story about a client who was assaulted and had never ever said no. Watch the video for this moving story and more.
Watch the video below to learn about the shame spiral and our step-by-step method for how to heal from shame.
How to Stop the Shame Spiral - YouTube
Download our FREE cheat sheet, and get our unique steps for how to process shame and take your power back.
Please share this with your friends who might benefit from reducing shame, and leave a comment below about your key takeaways.
If you’ve ever been in a situation where people in positions of power, like teachers/bosses/spiritual leaders, put you down or made you feel small or insignificant, check out today’s video.
Have you ever been in a situation where people in positions of power, like a teacher, a boss, or a spiritual leader, put you down or made you feel small or insignificant? What did you do?
Were you intimidated because of their position of power? Did you shut down? Did you think they must know what they’re talking about, so you questioned your instincts? Did you speak up?
Or did you just walk away to find another spiritual leader/teacher/boss?
In today’s video, Theresa Byrne and I share helpful and practical tips about what to do when faced with this common boundary challenge.
How to Courageously Stand Up to People in Positions of Power
One of the reasons we love doing these videos and working together as co-creators of Boundaries for Beautiful Relationships Program is although both have distinctly different backgrounds, we both have a pure love for boundaries.
You get not one, but two experts helping to guide you in the often confusing world of how to set healthy boundaries.
This video is about people in high positions of power who use their authority to intimidate, put you down, or shame you.
This is a tricky situation, because most of us have been taught to respect or obey authority. So, it can be difficult to know how to handle this boundary crossing with grace.
Why is this so challenging?
This type of situationwill create an automated reaction which has been imprinted in us culturally. It’s one reason this boundary challenge will require some additional cognitive and somatic (body/feelings) processing. The fear is greater!
People assume “spiritual” teachers are somehow enlightened or better human beings.
We want you to begin trusting your own instincts and learn how to stand up for yourself, especially when people in power cross your boundary.
In the video, we each share a personal story about a person in power who challenged us and what we did. Then we show you some options for what you can do the next time you’re in a situation with someone in power who crosses your personal boundary.
Watch the video below, and as always, we want you to be present and not have to take notes. That’s why there’s a free cheat sheet for you to download.
Standing Up to People in Power - YouTube
Please leave a comment below, and let us know your experience with spiritual leaders/teachers/bosses who crossed your boundary and used their power to intimidate or make you wrong. What did you do? What will you do next time this happens?
If you like this video, please share with your friends. And remember, BOUNDARIES HELP YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIPS!
My radio guest, Elise Carr, shared her personal story of awakening from within. She beautifully transformed a crisis into an opportunity to discover her true gifts. Here’s how you can do the same.
Elise Carr, M.A. is the Woman behind StellaMuse. Mentoring your journey of Awakening from Within through Sacred Guidance, Sacred Sexuality, Spirituality & Soul.
With unwavering presence, fierce dedication and spirited insight, she guides inspirational souls on a purpose driven mission away from illusion, and into courageous love and mental clarity. Harmonising the body, emotions and heart with the mind. Guiding you deeper into knowing thy self as a Soul.
Elise is also a dedicated student of the Esoteric Mysteries and a certified Tantra practitioner, Reiki Master and Holistic Life/Health Coach, as well as a Writer, Speaker, Model & Artist.
Awakening from Within to Attract the Love You Want
What inspired you to do the work you do?
I was 22-years-old, modeling internationally and a foreign correspondent journalist. Neither career nourished my body/mind. I was working hard and my body was being pushed to the max. I was isolated. I ended up being hospitalized with a cyst on my ovary that ruptured, and my heart flatlined four times.
I was so sick, I could no longer be a model or a journalist, and all my identities were stripped away. I decided to go back and get my masters in women’s studies. From there, I created Stella Muse, and added all the certifications along the way. Being of service was the most important thing to me.
What does ‘service’ mean to you?
When you tap into your ability to serve with your gifts, it shifts your joy. How we serve our beloved stems from the same place of light and wanting to serve, because you believe you’re here to be of service.
What’s do you mean by ‘awakening from within’?
This is about the three laws of equals. Mind, body, heart (how we feel). Work on these three areas, and you become in alignment with your true self.
Check in with your body, emotions, mind. Are you always tired, late, easily hurt?
Start to see your patterns, and you’ll begin to awaken from within.
This work will benefit you and everyone you’re with.
Live from authenticity and break away from the things that don’t serve us. Honoring your truth helps you meet someone on that same level, or at least someone who wants to work on their truth.
Start with the body, mind or heart, the area you need to work on most. It’s not overnight work, but it’s so worth it. It takes dedication. It’s a lifestyle, so start now!
Can you give our listeners an exercise to move away from fear and illusion into courageous love and mental clarity?
We can forget our feminine nature, the ‘being’ part of us (men and women alike). We neglect it. Women feel guilty for taking ‘me’ time. Slow down and create space.
Could be five minutes to wit with a cup of tea in the morning, take a bath at night, walk in nature during the day. It’s about taking non-negotiable ‘me’ time on a daily basis.
Close your eyes and begin to notice breathing. What’s it like? Soften your belly and let it just be as you inhale. As you exhale, draw your belly button to your spine. Take ten of these breaths, and it will help calm your nervous system. Look at it like a lotus, opening. The mind is tricky. You’re ‘doing being’!
When you’re ready to build on that, look for opportunities to BE. Check in with your body, mind, and heart.
Ask yourself, “What’s one thing you can do today to attend to a part of yourself that needs attention?”
Go from ‘being’ to creative action. What do you need to be true to you? Find your truth in that moment.
Listen to the entire episode below to hear Elise’s beautiful Australian accent, and to experience the depth of this conversation, the parts I didn’t capture in the highlights.
To learn more about Elise, go to stellamuse.com, and get her free ebook and free three-part video series on the body/mind/heart connection. Or tune into her new podcast!
Listen to/download this episode below.
It’s really really important to have our podcast reviewed. If our show has provided value or helped you in any way over the years, please:
1.Leave us a review on iTunes and share how the show has helped you or inspired you to move ahead. Here’s our show on iTunes.
Have you ever been wrongly accused by someone? It could have been in a work or personal situation or even on the internet where somebody misunderstood your intention or spread lies about you. How do you handle false accusations?
Do you become enraged? Do you shout and scream?
Do you block and delete the accuser?
Or maybe you shut down and doubt yourself, wondering, “Could they be right?”
I co-created a comprehensive program to help you set clear boundaries in life and love. It’s called, Boundaries for Beautiful Relationships. We’re excited to bring it back in March of 2018, and this is the first in a weekly series of videos about boundaries.
My co-creator, Theresa Byrne, has a background in psychology/social work and is a 4th Degree Black Belt Master Instructor in martial arts, adrenal stress training & self defense. She teaches physical and emotional boundaries for all of their relationships. Over the past 17 years, she has trained people to harness that inner power so they can take control of their lives and find freedom.
In today’s video, we share helpful and practical tips and tools about how to deal with false accusations, a common boundary challenge.
False Accusations - YouTube
How do you best deal with those false accusations, the times when you’ve been wrongly accused or lied about? Or how about when someone has questioned your character. How do you handle that?
How to Handle False Accusations
Theresa and I share a personal story about false accusations and how we dealt with them. Then we show you some options for what you can do the next time you’re wrongly accused.
Our Process for Setting Boundaries When Dealing With False Accusations
Stop. Drop. Roll.
Stop: and exhale a big ‘wow’ breath.
Drop: Into your body and notice your feelings.
Roll: forward into action.
We want you to be present while you watch the video, so we created a downloadable cheat sheet below that outlines our process.
Grab your copy now, and please leave a comment below to let us know your key takeaways.
And if you have your own way of dealing with false accusations or a story to share, please leave a comment below.
How do you create strong, long-lasting, successful relationships? My radio guest, Kevin Alston, shared many great actionable tips. Check them out here.
My radio guest, Kevin Alston, has developed an approach that effectively marries proven research with real-life application to help individuals and couples create stronger, long-lasting, successful relationships. As a Certified Master Peak Performance Coach, Certified NLP Practitioner and Master Trainer, he shared tips, strategies and insights that will enable you to develop a deeper understanding of who you are individually so you can be successful in your relationships.
How to Build Strong Successful Relationships
Tell us about the work you do.
I’m a behaviorist. Understanding why people do what they do helped me develop an empathetic attitude. A person is not necessarily their behavior. I look at their behavior and how we frame things.
What’s the difference between having empathy for your partner and condoning their behavior?
Empathy is understanding their behavior. Condoning is accepting the behavior. You may not accept behavior, even though you empathize with it. You don’t want to accept bad behavior just to keep the peace in a relationship.
Why is it so difficult to forgive?
Forgiveness takes work. It’s not mystical and magical. It’s one of the most challenging thing. Forgiveness is a conscious act. We must understand that 90% of what we do is unconscious. It’s habitual. Being able to forgive is a conscious act of will. Most people would rather just go to the next relationship (and repeat the same mistakes) instead of doing the work.
What does the work entail?
The work is understanding that we see things differently from our partners, and we need to come up with a solution that will suit us both. We need to override the subconscious comfort zone we’ve been in to find a happy medium. We must be flexible to make it work.
If you’re divorced and holding onto anger at your ex, you’ll take your past patterns to your next relationship. Understand what caused you to react to his behaviors in the past, and you’ll be able to move on with a clean slate. You won’t bring your past issues to your next relationship.
Humans go through three periods of development, and most of us make decisions based on our first 21 years.
Three periods of development:
1st Period: Ages 0-7/Imprint. We pick up from our environment. We absorb whatever is around us, as we’re too young to make decisions for ourselves.
2nd Period: Ages 8-13/Modeling: We have conscious awareness of right and wrong, and we build on what we learned in the first 7 years.
3rd Period: Ages 14-21/Socialization: We integrate everything we learned in the first two phases. If you and your partner grew up in different environments, you will do things differently, and it can create tension in a relationship.
What are the 3 P’s to a successful relationship?
Planning: You’ve got to plan what the future looks like. Where are we now, where do we want to be? Discuss a blueprint for your common relationship vision.
Praying: Prayer is important. When you say you want something, you incorporate the right behaviors to bring those things into fruition.
Playing: The same things you do to date the person you’re with, you have to do to keep the person. Continue to date and keep the relationship alive.
What is the number one reason relationships fail?
Relationships fail because people don’t forgive their partner for something they did, or they don’t forgive themselves for something they said or did.
If you’re holding anger over your partner, it will disrupt the relationship. We need to take full responsibility for what we do in relationships. We look to our partner to make changes, and they look to us to make changes. We both need to change the way we see the issues and become accountable.
Can any relationship be saved?
I believe that as long as both parties put in what’s needed to save the relationship, every relationship can be saved.
If you’re dating online, you may be frustrated with the superficiality of the process. Meet Amy Baglan, founder of MeetMindful.com. Learn how online dating can lead to mindful relationships!
My podcast guest, Amy Baglan, is the Founder and CEO of MeetMindful, a unique dating site for those who want to have meaningful dates and mindful relationships. She’s on a mission to elevate the online dating world to a more spiritual realm. MeetMindful is one of the fastest growing dating and networking platforms in the world, connecting 36 million like-minded singles interested in mindful living, health and wellness, meditation, spirituality, sustainability, and personal growth.
Check out highlights below for this awesome episode, #289: Mindful Dating and Relationships with Amy Baglan, CEO of MeetMindful.com
Meaningful Dates That Lead to Mindful Relationships
I loved interviewing Amy. She is so grounded and thoughtful. We began the interview with why she created MeetMindful.com. She spoke about her journey, beginning with quitting a successful job in tech and going on her very own version of Eat, Pray, Love. We discussed how important it is to leave what doesn’t work in your life in order to attract in what does.
I love the analogy she described about a trapeze artist who swings in the air, going from ring to ring. The acrobat has to leave one ring, and for a moment, he/she is suspended in air before reaching the next ring. That moment can be terrifying. But, it’s the leap of faith you need to get to the next big step. It’s so worth it!
If you’ve ever felt scared to leave a relationship or a job and step into the unknown, think about the big YES you’re leaping to on the other side of the abyss. It’s well worth the journey. Choose love over fear!
How can you cultivate the relationship you want?
You must first get clear about what you want. Amy did this through much self-reflection. A particular powerful exercise for her came from Arielle Ford, whose Soulmate Secret work includes guided meditations to help you FEEL what it will be like when your soulmate comes into your life. And Amy says it worked! She’s with a wonderful man right now, and he may just turn out to be the ONE!
How can you create healthy, mindful, and conscious relationships?
Amy practices conscious leadership at work and in life. She said, “The biggest thing I like to focus on is being tapped into what’s going on for me emotionally and physically and naming that openly. If I’m scared, instead of reacting out of fear, I can say I feel scared right now.” That’s been a game changer for her, and I suggest you try being more open and honest with your feelings, too.
“It’s Not Just About Dating – it’s about having permission and safety to move through your vulnerability and limitations.”
Tell us why vulnerability is so important in dating and relationships.
Amy said, “What I notice is the more we take that leap and act in more vulnerable and softer ways, it can become habitual (in a good way). I always get something back that I didn’t expect. It becomes a fun game. I ask myself, ‘What outcome can come of this?’ You and your date/partner can surprise yourselves at what’s on the other side of your vulnerability.
Why is it so important to clear the slate for love by cleaning up old relationship messes?
“I had two exes who carried a negative charge for me. I was still triggered by that, and as I entered my new relationship, I wanted to clean those things up. I wanted to be able to look both of those people in the eye and see them with happiness, compassion, and well-wishes. It was a beautiful thing to have both of those clearing conversations!”
How do you suggest people get clarity on their relationship must-haves?
“On dating sites and apps, you usually get a tiny box to write about yourself. This teaches us to be so surface and not reveal what we truly desire in a partner and our life.
At meetmindful.com, we have a comprehensive question process to help people reveal more about themselves. We ask questions such as, “What are your biggest passions?” “What’s new and good in your life?” What imperfections you’re working on embracing right now?” We have over 2,000 articles on dating and relationships on the site.
Are the interesting, attractive men disappearing after one date or not asking you out at all? Here’s how to have first date success!
Want to know how to have first date success so the men you like ask you out again and again? My radio guest, Wendy Newman, is a dating, sex and relationship expert who’s led hundreds workshops to thousands of people internationally. She’s done extensive research with men to help understand their point-of-view. Wendy is a compassionate fellow dater. She navigated her way through 121 first dates before she met her partner, Dave. Her book 121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating, Fall in Love and Live Happily Ever After (Really!) is part tell-all, part dating guide.
Secrets Revealed for First Date Success
You went on 121 first dates! What’s one of the top lessons you learned about first date success?
I became clear about what I wanted. [When I started dating], I had a four page list that was single-spaced and 12 pt. font. Many of the things on the list conflicted with each other. I knew what I was asking for was nearly impossible. The list didn’t give me the distilled version of the true five-eight core things I needed.
What I really want on your list is that he will empower you, pushing you forward in the world to be the biggest baddest thing you can be.
What is the #1 thing men wish women wouldn’t do on a first date?
Men wish we’d find out who they are instead of what their status is. They feel objectified as a wallet object. Ask them questions that lead to getting to know his heart and intentions, such as “What do you love about your life?” This question is open ended, and you’ll learn so much about him.
What is the #1 thing women wish men wouldn’t do on a first date?
If we like the man, women wish that men wouldn’t walk away without saying, “Hey I like you. Would you like to go on another date with me?” If we don’t like them, we hope he doesn’t say that! Also, terms of endearment bother many women before we know each other.
Why does it take longer for people over 40 to get into a partnership?
At 40, we have a better grasp on who we’ve become as a mature adult. We have to navigate being happy. Anyone can get married. But, we’re looking for someone we can be happy with.
We don’t have to get married out of necessity. We want the emotional support.
What is the #1 thing to look for in a new date to see if there is lasting potential?
I want you to ask yourself, “How do I feel right now? I feel like when I’m with my best friend.”
How long should you date someone you’re not sure about?
I don’t want any woman to have to go through 121 dates! I don’t have a rule for everyone about how many dates to go on, but if he’s really great, meaning you laugh together, and you like who he is as a person, and you’re not so attracted at first, try for at least three dates to see if he’s going to grow on you. If he hasn’t grown on you in 6 or 7 dates, he probably never will. It’s better to break up then keep on dating hoping the attraction will grow.
You can find Wendy Newman at wendyspeaks.com. Check out First Date Success Secrets Revealed, a video series you can get for free!
It’s really really important to have our podcast reviewed. If our show has provided value or helped you in any way over the years, please:
1.Leave us a review on iTunes and share how the show has helped you or inspired you to move ahead. Here’s our show on iTunes.