My podcast guest, Elizabeth DiAlto, lives her life fully expressed. Follow her comedic journey to real love through the dating apps on this episode.
Known for her raw, honest, and grounded approach to self help and spirituality, my podcast guest, Elizabeth DiAlto is an Integrative Spiritual counselor, creator of Wild Soul Movement, an author, and the host of the popular podcast, Truth Telling with Elizabeth DiAlto. She’s been a teacher, leader, speaker, coach and trainer to groups and individuals for over 15 years.
Elizabeth works with women all across the globe through her digital programs and speaking engagements and more intimately through in-person intensives, retreats, workshops, and Wild Soul Movement teacher training. Her greatest mission in this life is to help those who identify as women worldwide to reclaim and redefine their own womanhood, and contribute to a new paradigm of culture where it is both safe and natural for women to love, trust, and accept themselves fully.
In 2013, Shape Magazine listed her alongside Dr Oz, Ellen, Jillian Michaels, and Tim Ferriss as a Top 30 Motivator. She has written for and been featured in many important publications. Aside from being a prolific creator and community builder, she’s an insatiable learner and a sensualist who loves spas, bathtubs, dancing (especially salsa!), reading, traveling, spending time in nature, and she has a laugh that has been described as, “a sound bath of sunshine and JOY.”
The Search for Truth and Real Love
In your book, Untame Yourself, you write about a 9-minute morning ritual. I’ve recommended this to my clients for many years. Can you tell our audience about this ritual and why it’s important?
I wrote today on how you begin something. I’m super passionate about this. Mary Poppins said, “Well begun is half done”. So many women find it hard to find time for themselves. If it’s just nine minutes—movement, breathing to get you out of your head and into your body. Be present and grounded. Be intentional. Journal ‘what I have’ and ‘what I want’ lists. Start your day blessed. And focus on what you want. You get to have a voice and ask for what you want. Get a copy of the ritual here.
What made you want to do standup comedy?
I have loved standup comedy since I was little. You get to stand on a stage and make people laugh. I enjoyed it but never thought of doing it. I know what it’s like to be on a stage and make people laugh. My little brother has been a comic for eight years. I saw Ali Wong and Whitney Cummings this year, and thought, I have to do this and give it a try.
There have also been amazing Netflix specials that moved me. People are getting more creative and doing this in a cool way. I’m not attached to the outcome. I’ve gotten some cool opportunities. It’s been fun and exciting. It’s a creative endeavor. Writing jokes and not knowing where it’s going to land is exciting.
Today on Facebook, you wrote that online dating apps are fodder for your comedy routine. Can you share a few funny dating stories?
Most people are not taught about how to speak about themselves or take good photos. In one profile, I wrote, ‘Looking for a lover and more’. I knew I’d get some more sexually explicit connections. I don’t like when men call me ‘honey’ or ‘baby’. One guy said, ‘Are you open to something casual?’ I said, ‘Sure!’ Then he tells me he’s 7.5 inches! Thanks for letting me know!
I meet up with him and go for a drink. As sexually explicit as he was in text, he was a normal kind dude! I was enjoying the connection. So, I went back to his house. You can tell when a man has gotten his education from porn. He whipped it out and said, “It’s so huge.” It wasn’t! [Listen for the rest of this story. It’s too funny.]
How do you handle the lack of emotional intelligence in the dating world?
I’ve observed that people who describe relationships as happy and sustainable worked for years to get it to that place. Now, I ask myself, what am I interested in signing up for and what am I not? I always want to be kind. We never know what anyone’s trauma or wounds are.
I ask myself, “How do I feel when I’m with a man, and how do I feel after?”
My podcast guest, Barbara Huson, is all about empowering women to get smarter about money. Check out her three valuable tips you can start today!
My podcast guest, Barbara Huson, is the leading authority on empowering women to get smarter about building and maintaining wealth. As a bestselling author, teacher and wealth coach, Barbara has helped millions take charge of their finances and their lives.
Barbara’s background in business, her years as a journalist, her Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology, extensive research, and her personal experience with money makes her the foremost expert on empowering women to live up to their financial and personal potential.
Barbara’s six books are: Prince Charming Isn’t Coming, Secrets of Six-Figure Women, Overcoming Underearning, Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust, Breaking Through, and Sacred Success.
Empowering Women to Get Smarter About Money
Tell us the story of how you went from being Barbara Stanny to Barbara Huson!
Two months after I turned 60, I met a man on Match who wasn’t my type at all. I already had my 2nd divorce. I made a decision to always look for something to appreciate in a man. There was lots to appreciate in him. That was 11 years ago. I made a list of what I wanted in a man. I had 31 criteria. This guy matched 30 of them. He wasn’t rich, but he matched every other item on my list. The more we learn to value ourselves, the more we attract men who value themselves.
How did you get started helping women with money?
Problems with money are not about money. Women’s difficulty about money is about their fear of or ambivalence about power. How do we get get over those fears? Face it. I grew up wealthy. My father was the R of H&R Block. He said don’t worry about money. I married a stockbroker who gambled, and I stayed for 15 years. I had almost no money. After the divorce, I didn’t want to deal with money. If you don’t deal with money, money will deal with you. The next year, I got a tax bill for a millions dollars. I didn’t have it. So I knew I had to deal with it. So, I did.
I was working as a journalist, and I had three young daughters. Out of the blue, an organization called the Women’s Resource Center wanted me to interview women who were smart about money and write a book about it. It changed my life. Suddenly I had a new career.
Face your fears and go out of our comfort zone. This is what separates the high earners from the low earners is getting outside of your comfort zone.
Tell me about your latest book, Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles.
I made 6 figures and was happy with that. I wanted to teach others what I was learning, so I wrote, Overcoming Undearning. Next, I wanted to make millions, have millions, and give away millions. I interviewed female millionaires, and three years later, I still had no book.
My coach said you’re too into doing, and you need time for being. I took the transcripts and went away to a silent retreat for four days. I had been so dazzled by what these wealthy women had done, I missed the way they were doing it. Sacred Success is about pursuing your soul’s purpose for your own bliss and the benefit of others while being richly rewarded.
There’s survival, stability, and affluence.
To go from survival to stability is the first step. To go from stability to affluence is a whole different process. Achieving greatness is where your sacred work meets the world’s hunger and having the mindset to make it profitable.
I believe money is like the ideal man. The ideal man is here to support us. Money’s purpose is to support us. In return, money and men are to be respected and appreciated. This requires paying attention to it. It may come in, but you won’t keep it. Doing work that has meaning and is fulfilling our purpose—that’s why we’re here.
I want to see all women become empowered financially so they can make their own financial decisions.
What are three things a woman can do to get smart about money, especially a busy woman who has no time for anything else?
1. Every day, read something about money. Even if it’s only for one minute. Familiarize yourself with the jargon around money. 2. Every week, have a conversation about money, especially with someone who knows more than you. 3. Every month, save. Automatically transfer money to a savings account.
In four months, you will know so much more about money, and your finances will grow.
Have you ever worried you’ll be alone forever? My podcast guest, Nikki Novo, can guarantee you the answer is no. How? Check out the show notes to find out.
My podcast guest, Nikki Novo, is a Cuban-American author, spiritual mentor and intuitive dating coach. A certified hypnotherapist with the International Association of Counselors and Therapists, ThetaHealer(r) and Reiki healer, Nikki is the author of “Will I Be Alone Forever?” She has been commissioned to speak by organizations like Aveeno, Equinox, Yahoo, Fordham University, Florida International University, and Macy’s.
Before she became an intuitive dating coach, Nikki was an editor for Refinery29, MSN, and NBC. Her work has been seen in Allure, Town & Country, Huffington Post, and others. She also spent time in the publicity department of Lionsgate and Fox Searchlight.
Will I Be Alone Forever?
The question you get asked the most is “Will I be alone forever?” You say you guarantee that the answer is no. Tell us how you know that!
I wrote a dating column while I was dating many years ago. I found it interesting that many who called themselves spiritual thought it wasn’t their fate to find someone. When I channel and do an intuitive reading, I see people’s paths. That desire to be with someone was a clear sign it was meant to be.
We do have free will, and we often get in our own way. I saw that in my clients. I also saw the path of them not getting to their partner. Dating is a spiritual process. That’s how clients get a handle on their fate.
A woman named Katie called into the show and asked, “When will I find my husband and have kids?” Listen to Nikki’s answer as she coaches Katie live on the air!
What’s one thing people can do today to get out of their romantic rut?
Pay attention to how you’re speaking. Listen to the words you use about dating. You’ll learn a lot about your internal dialogue. Listen to how you speak about men and dating. You are speaking into existence what you want to happen for you. Be present to what’s getting in your way.
How can you inspire a man to commit to you for a lifetime? Check out these fantastic tips by my podcast guest, love coach, Polina Solda.
My podcast guest, Polina Solda’s dating expertise comes from a roller coaster of real-life experiences—struggling in love, getting married, divorced and looking for love again in her 30s. When she moved to NYC to earn her Masters and work at the UN, she also got a “Master’s Degree in dating” by going on 100+ dates, and unlocking the secrets of finding and keeping love.
After she uncovered what was holding her back, she shifted to a new place from which she attracted her dream man. He proposed after six months of dating- they’ve been in a soulmate relationship for 10 years now.
How to Inspire a Man to Commit to You
Listen to/download this episode below. If the player doesn’t work for you, click here.
What led you to be so passionate about helping women find love?
My story is aligned with your movement, finding your value. I was raised by a single mother. My biological father left before I was born. I had no role models [for love]. My mother remained single, and she had hatred towards men. She never fully recovered from the betrayal and abandonment [of my father]. I didn’t want to repeat my mother’s destiny and not have the partnership I wanted. But without role models, I didn’t know what it would be like to be with a [good] man.
What inspired me to do this work was a man I married in my early twenties. I married him because he liked me. I didn’t have a clear vision for what I wanted.
We got divorced, and I learned the hard way the number one thing: Be a chooser. You can only be a chooser if you know your own value as a woman.
It’s also important to be clear about what you want to create in your relationship. If you have both of those, anything is possible.
In my thirties, I dated for love and legacy. My soul mate and I have been together for a decade, and we’re more in love than ever before.
What inspires a man to commit for a lifetime?
Appreciation is key. Make a man your hero. When he feels like your hero, he’ll move mountains for you. I was highly selective. I didn’t put up with flaky men. I knew I definitely wanted children. Having this clarity was so important. My husband was my hero when we were dating. When you seal the relationship with praise and unconditional approval, miracles will happen!
[19:00 listen to a story about what her husband did for her while they were dating!]
How can women let down their guard while dating?
Do an experiment. When you’re guarded, observe how many men approach you. Most likely, they won’t. Test out what happens when you let down your guard and judgment. If you want to create intimacy, you must let go of judgment. Look for what to appreciate. Maybe you see a man helping an elderly woman, and say, “Wow, you’re such a gentleman.” He will stand up taller. Men need to know what would make him be your hero. Express your needs, wants, and desires. Be clear about your deal breakers and set clear boundaries. That’s a foundation for a lasting loving partnership.
What are some examples of ways a woman can show appreciation on a first date—without feeling fake or awkward?
Shift your mindset to the novelty of the first date; maybe you’re experiencing new cuisine, or a new place, or new music. You’ll learn something new. I had a short first date with my husband. I asked him to meet a block away from my house. He made an effort to come see me, which was great. I appreciated that he met me on my turf.
If a man asks you to suggest a place for a first date, look for ways to have him put in some effort. Give him the opportunity to be a hero. Thank him for coming to see you or choosing a nice place.
If he offers you a drink, appreciate that. If he shares something personal, appreciate that he opened up. If he’s nervous and puts himself in that vulnerable state, thank him for being open with you and accept him.
What can you offer to our listeners who are ready to take action today?
I am very excited for you to be among the first to know that we’re launching our 3rd annual online show, Meet and Marry Mr. Right. Sandy, I’m excited that you’re a returning guest. The event starts November first, and it’s absolutely free! You can sign up now right here: Meetandmarrymrright.com
Can you share one last tip for how to go on your last first date?
Be in the flow and the state of appreciation, starting with yourself; all the people you’re blessed with, and all the experiences you have in your love life are lessons and opportunities to become a high value woman and find lasting love!
Please take a moment to rate and review our show on iTunes here. Thank you!
Schedule your complimentary 1/2 hour Love Breakthrough Session to learn how coaching with Sandy can help you finally attract in the love you deserve. https://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough
Want to know why women don’t speak up as often as men? In this video, I explain why this happens and how to begin to speak up much more in life and love.
A recent article in the New York Post revealed that women don’t speak up as often as men in academic seminars. In fact, women are two and a half times less likely to ask questions than men. Why do women speak up less often than men; at work, with friends and family, and especially in romantic relationships?
Why Women Don’t Speak Up As Often As Men
First, let’s first look at the differences between men and women’s communication styles.
In general, men grow up in a world where conversation is competitive. Men seek to achieve the upper hand or prevent others from dominating them through conversation.
Women grow up in a world where conversation is kind at all costs. Women use conversation to connect and gain confirmation and support for their ideas.
So… if men use communication to gain status and independence, they will speak up more readily.
If women are nice at all costs, they will not speak up if they don’t feel safe.
Why Don’t Women Feel Safe to Speak Up?
Many of us have been shut down when we spoke up in the past. I can still remember being out for a walk around my neighborhood with my husband. I thought it was a good time to bring up a concern in our relationship. He got so triggered, he left me and walked home alone. Ouch! When this happened over and over again, I felt less and less safe to speak up about important matters.
How can you find a safe space where you’re comfortable speaking up?
You create it yourself. You set the scene for a safe and connected conversation. When you know what your intention is in advance, you state it up front. You don’t confront, you create a space where conversation can flow back and forth.
When you know how to clearly express what you feel and need, you are able to have a collaborative conversation., where the intention is to build and connect, not attack and break down.
Learn more in this video
Why Women Don't Speak Up As Often As Men - YouTube
Learn to speak up at the Speak Up As A Woman of Value LIVE Online Workshop October 7th, 2018. If you miss the deadline, you can still get the replay by registering.
Many of us have trouble showing empathy in dating and relationships. In this video, I reveal three ways to show empathy and help you connect deeply.
Do you know how to show empathy in dating or when you’re in a relationship? Empathy is one of the most important skills in life. In this video, you’ll learn three elements of empathy that are critical if you want to forge deep, intimate relationships.
Empathy in Dating and Relationships
Empathy vs Sympathy in Dating and Relationships - YouTube
Brené Brown says, “By receiving empathy, not only do we understand how good it feels to be heard and accepted, we also come to better understand the strength and courage it takes to be vulnerable and share the need for empathy in the first place.”
If we can’t give and receive empathy, we can’t be vulnerable, and we can’t connect deeply to anyone, especially our romantic partner. Empathy is a skill that can be taught. It’s a skill that I learned later in life, and it’s brought me closer to everyone I love.
In this video, you’ll learn:
What is empathy?
You see the world as others see it. This means putting your own “stuff” aside to see the situation through someone else’s eyes.
You’re nonjudgmental. When you judge someone’s experience, it discounts what they went through. We often do it to protect ourselves from the pain of the situation.
You understand someone else’s feelings. Todo that, we need to first identify our own feelings. Again, this requires putting our own “stuff” aside to focus on the other person.
You communicate your understanding of someone else’s feelings. It’s hard for many of us to communicate how we hear someone’s feelings and experience. When we hear someone talk about going through a tough time, many of us say things like, “At least you…” or “It could be worse…”. Instead, try, “I’ve been there, and that really hurts,” or to quote Brené Brown, “It sounds like you are in a hard place now. Tell me more about it.”
Where do you struggle with empathy, especially on a date or in a romantic relationship? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.