When you have a tough decision to make, who do you ask for advice? Who do you imagine would make the right choice in your shoes? Positive role models aren’t just for kids. Every day people guide us through their actions, profound words and achievements. Who are these role models and what qualities do they possess that result in admiration by others? Can you be a positive role model?
Qualities of a Positive Role Model
As adults, we often seek positive role models in people who have unique qualities we’d like to possess. By examining these people’s behaviour, words and accomplishments, we determine those characteristics that we value most.
– Genuine – This is the ability to relate to others, even those very different from you, in their reality. This quality overflows from major world caregivers, such as Gandhi and Mother Theresa. Their greatness comes not from trying to be significant, but by seeing the significance in others.
– Confident – Demonstrating strength and confidence draws admirers. We all want to believe that we don’t need others to define or validate us, but for many people, self confidence is elusive. People who exhibit great certainty in their position in this world are appealing and attractive. In the modern world, confidence replaces the bravery of the ancient world.
– Humble– The wisdom to know that there will always be someone smarter, faster, more attractive or more successful than you demonstrates maturity. Giving credit to those who helped you achieve your goals keeps you believable. “No man is an island,” said John Donne, a clergyman and poet, 350 years ago. That statement couldn’t be truer today. Role models understand that no one acquires greatness alone.
– Careful Listener – People who listen more and talk less naturally appear wiser. They become the people that others turn to because they exhibit self control and a desire to understand. Think of someone you know who listens well. What is your impression of this person? Consider how you feel when someone really listens to you.
– Overcome Great Odds – The ability to persevere causes a person to be outstanding. Anyone who overcomes great odds, resulting in a stronger character, is a person to emulate. We all struggle with different areas of our lives. Yet, it’s not the struggle that ends up being important but rather our response to the challenge.
– Successful – Its often said, “Be great what you do in this life, even if you’re the garbage collector, just be an expert at it and everyone will seek you out.” Although we all have different opinions of success, when we consider role models, we seek out those who demonstrate our viewpoint.
– Generous – According to Forbes, Oprah Winfrey was the first black woman to be titled a billionaire. She gives hope, financial support and fights for the rights of others in need when she simply could be a highly successful entrepreneur and talk show host. Role model candidates understand that their quality of life improves when they help those in need. Bono, nominated for three Nobel Peace prizes for his international work fighting poverty could be living the rock star life. He has a larger world view than the average person, saying “The attention of the world might sometimes be elsewhere, but history is watching. It’s taking notes. And it’s going to hold us to account, each of us.” Bono understands the responsibilities that come with being a role model.
Can I Be a Role Model?
Everyone has the capability to become a role model. You may already play that role for someone and not even know it. You don’t have to be famous, a brilliant scientist or a published author to be a role model for other adults. Efforts that you can make toward becoming a role model include:
1. Be Real – It’s tempting at times to behave the way we think others want to see us. Being yourself is risky, as there is always a chance of rejection, but wouldn’t you rather be assured that the people you are attracting find the real you interesting?
2. Be Available – Isolating yourself from the world can feel safer, but it also prevents you from important interaction with your fellow man. Have lunch with colleagues rather than eating at your desk, help a friend move and make sure that the majority of your social interaction doesn’t occur on the computer.
3. Be Involved – Doing charitable work, joining a church or teaching a class all offer opportunities for you to get involved in larger projects and organizations. Choose volunteer work that has a personal connection for you or allows you to use your gifts and abilities for the good of those in need.
4. Be a Listener – Sometimes people just need an ear. They don’t need you to solve the problem or offer advice. You learn a lot about someone simply by listening. The more you listen now, the greater the likelihood of you being listened to later when your advice or assistance is seriously needed.
5. Be Encouraging – Direct people to a more positive outlook. Emphasise their strengths and abilities to overcome challenges.
6. Give Others Credit – When working with others, always point out the efforts of your coworkers, whether it’s a volunteer project or your profession.
If someone advises you well, gives you a valuable lead or simply encourages you to move in the right direction, credit that person with a portion of your success.
7. Be Good to Yourself – It’s difficult to be available to others when you’re not taking care of yourself. Model a healthy lifestyle by working out, eating right, having a spiritual life and not worrying about situations you can’t control.
Role models don’t have to be rock stars, professional athletes or famous authors. They live on your street, share a cab with you and grew up in your family.
“Wow, you’re still friends with your ex?” That’s probably the hot question when someone discovers that you still have your ex’s phone number in your phone. Because it’s not very common to stay connected with someone previously romantically linked to you. Granted that the manner in which the break up had taken place determines the direction of the post-break up relationship, but realistically, not many break ups happen amicably. So, should you stay friends with an ex?
Should You Stay Friends With an Ex?
According to Ideal Introductions Professional Matchmaker and Relationship Expert Linda Prescott, it depends on how intense and deep the relationship was. “If you were in Love, the answer is no. You can’t move forward still hanging onto the past because it causes problems for both parties moving forward.”
This is especially true if you had a really strong connection and a very erotic sex life with your ex. It all just spells trouble because chemistry doesn’t always change. A study found that friendships between exes were more likely to have negative qualities, and less likely to have positive ones.
Is It Ever A Good Idea to Be Friends With an Ex?
Linda reveals that not all exes bring bad news. “If your ex was someone you only dated briefly, it is possible to stay friends,” says Linda. An ex from a brief relationship should not make it hard for you to move on because the connection did not get to an intense level. This also works if you’ve had a friendship with your ex prior to briefly dating them. It is completely different to staying friends with an ex with whom you’ve had a long term relationship. They were part of your life and when there is history, it gets complicated.
Who’s Your Ideal Partner? Take This Free Compatibility Test!
As featured in:
About Ideal Introductions: Ideal Introductions offers a personalised service to people looking for love, offering one-on- one, face-to-face interaction, customised to an individual’s needs and requirements.
Ideal was established in 1991 and is a licensed, government-compliant agency that operates by a strict code of conduct. Being leaders in the industry, it’s easy to understand why Ideal has over 1,125 weddings and thousands of happy couples to their credit.
Over two decades of business, one thing has remained constant; at their core, people are social creatures who crave love and companionship. But not just any love or companion, the type you get with the right partner.
Professional Matchmaker Linda Prescott says, “We exist as a medium to help people find a partner that most compliments them; the people who engage our services are emotionally intelligent, realise the importance of a great relationship and are prepared to seek professional assistance to make it happen. And the results are clear!”
Every time I go to weddings and see the happy looks on the bride and grooms faces, I think, “Boy, they’re in for a surprise.” Because that’s what relationships can do to you. They surprise you when you least expect it, good or bad. When you’re dating someone, chances are, they will be on their best behaviour because they want you to find them attractive. But what happens when the wedding guests have all gone and real life starts to sink in? When you realise that marriage is different than dating. I’m so blessed to have received the best relationship advice ever. A piece of advice that has helped keep us together through the good and bad times — be realistic and be kind.
Once the honeymoon period is over, some either stay together despite the initial shocks and some part ways because they feel like their partner has completely changed. But don’t forget, people change and that first impression isn’t always 100% accurate. Remember that there will be other factors that will affect the relationship like finances, chores and expectations. Know that every relationship has its ups and downs and that it’s normal to disagree on things. What matters is how you work together as a team. Having realistic expectations doesn’t mean that you have to settle with a partner who isn’t great. It simply means that you have to be OK with a partner who is human, just like you—and who, like you, is imperfect. Our culture puts a lot of pressure on romantic relationships. Unfortunately, that’s not real life.
At the same time, remember to be kind — to yourself and to your partner. Don’t engage in a tit-for-tat mentality. It’s easy to want to quantify how much you do for your partner. However, if you are doing things for your partner, do it because it makes you feel good and not so you can get ahead in the scorebook. Kindness need not be quantified. Also, remember to be kind to yourself. Perfection is great but not to the point that you will burn yourself out.
First dates can be exciting, and yet, a bit jittery, especially with the list of date questions everyone’s armed with these days!
Over the years, all of us have had dates and have had to face a barrage of questions ranging from the mundane to the obnoxious!
The last thing you want is for your date to feel like they’re being judged in a job interview. No one likes that!
The date questions
Depending on the way your date answers these questions, you can have an idea about them and find out if they’re what you’re looking for.
Question #1 Do you enjoy your work?
Pop this question in while you’re speaking about your date’s work. How does your date answer to this question?
In life, we all face a lot of hurdles and difficulties. And we have two kinds of people, the whiners and the doers. Whiners whine about everything, and yet do nothing about it. While the doers, obviously do something about it.
If your date whines about their job, who’s to say they won’t whine about your relationship in the later years? This question can help you understand what kind of a person your date is, and how they cope with difficult issues in their life.
Question #2 What do you do when you’re having a tough day?
You see, these are simple questions and you’re not going to put your date in a spot by asking these questions. And yet, they can reveal so much about their life and their attitude towards it.
Every now and then, we all have to deal with shitty days, let’s face it. But how does your date cope with it? Does your date jog the frustration off, watch a few movies at night, order a big take out, or do they like to lock themselves up and spend some time alone, contemplating *plotting revenge* about it?
So if you both ever become an item, are you both going to deal with the difficulties in life together or will your partner just withdraw into a shell?
Question #3 What do you do on weekends?
A very simple question to ask on a date, but one that is very revealing.
Weekends are that time of the week when you don’t have to work or worry about anything, and it’s all about doing what you like. It’s that time when you indulge in activities that really give you joy. So what does your date like doing on weekends?
And there we have it, the date questions that can make or break a date. Remember, a happy date isn’t about reciting a list of questions to ask on a date, it’s about having a great conversation with each other.
So, you’ve been single for a while. And you’re thinking of jumping back into the dating game. But how do you know if you’re truly ready or if you’re just on a rebound? And if you’ve been single for a very long time, how do you know if it’s finally time to take some risks? Professional Matchmaker and Relationship Expert Linda Prescott reveals 7 signs that you might be ready to date again.
You Start Becoming Your Top Priority Again
It can be easy to lose ourselves in a relationship. Especially if your ex was the controlling type. Sometimes, the best way to let go is to allow yourself to grieve the relationship and that takes time. Once you have done that, the next step is to allow yourself to be the top priority in your life again. You need to start feeling like you again before you can make any serious commitments with another person. Becoming your top priority is important because it means that you are confident and confidence is incredibly sexy.
You’re Not Bitter About Your Ex Anymore
Letting go of someone who’s been part of your life can be very hard. Especially if it was a long term relationship. However, it is also the most rewarding once you manage to leave the baggage behind. The day you no longer feel anger and bitterness towards your ex, that’s when you know your heart is ready for someone new.
You take the time to do things that make you happy.
You’re at a really good place in your life right now. You love who you are, you’re feeling yourself because of it and the world doesn’t stop you from doing so. You’re not trying to please anyone, go to places that other people like. Finally, you are really doing what makes you happy and what excites you.
If you’ve been taking good care of yourself, you’re ready to date again.
You’re Taking Good Care Of Yourself
It’s common to feel down after a breakup. Some days you might feel like staying in bed and some days you’ll feel too upset to see anyone. But when you are in a happy place, everything is different. You will find that you are physically healthy, mentally healthy and you’re also connected with a spiritual outlet. And when you’re in this state, it’s a sign that you’re ready to date again. Linda says, “Before we introduce our clients to their potential match, we always make sure they are both ready to date. They must be in a happy place for them to be able to accept a new person in their life.”
You’re Not Afraid To Be Alone
You don’t feel lost anymore. And you’ve stopped going through your phone to see who is free to keep you company. In fact, you treasure those moments where you’re by yourself. You really don’t need anyone to rescue you when you’re alone. You are all you need.
You build memories, not walls.
When we’ve been hurt from a previous relationship, it’s understandable to build a wall to protect ourselves from being hurt again. But these walls can really stop future relationships from developing well because we can become too mysterious and at times, cold. If you notice that you are more open to getting to letting someone get to know the real you and are not afraid of feeling vulnerable, you’re ready to start fresh. The key is not to get stuck in the past but to enjoy the present.
You’re Making Choices For The Right Reasons
You know what they say about shopping while you’re hungry… you’ll end up buying more than what you need, impulsively. Similarly, when someone is sad, they tend to make decisions based on instant gratification and not necessarily based on what’s good for them in the long run. So if you still feel sad about your breakup, it might not be wise to jump straight into another relationship. However, if your past relationship no longer affects you, there’s a better chance that you will be making better decisions for yourself and your future.
Linda says, “Remember, the most important relationship you’ll ever have throughout life is your relationship with yourself. How you feel about yourself sets the stage for relationships outside yourself.”
Ready to date? Take our compatibility test to find your Ideal match!
Dating a single parent requires commitment and can be complicated. That doesn’t mean a relationship with a single mum or dad can’t be amazing, and that you can’t enjoy it, but dating someone with kids is completely different than dating someone without kids.
People who date single parents often find these relationships challenging when it comes to making plans. They often find themselves disappointed when the single parent has to reschedule dates because of kid emergencies. Will you be prepared for that?
Being in tune with what a single parent is thinking and feeling can help you understand, accept and truly enjoy the relationship more.
The Kids Will Always Come First – No Matter What
That means that if you have plans with the woman or man you are dating and their child decides he or she needs some mummy or daddy time and so they cancel the date with you, you have to accept it, be OK with it, not resent him or her, respect the fact that he/she is there for the child.
The Relationship Might Go Slower Than You Want
Jumping into a serious relationship is a lot easier for those who have never been married and/or who don’t have kids. It’s not easy, but you have to be patient.
If the Divorce Is Recent or Going on, He or She Might Seem Distant at Times
No one understands the impact of going through a divorce except for those who have gone through it. It can be draining, frustrating, upsetting, and infuriating, and cause intense anxiety, stress or sadness. It is an extremely emotional time and that person needs to heal. Have respect for that and do not take it personally.
He or She Is Always Busy
When someone is juggling a job, kids, and a legal battle, they don’t have the time to be on the phone with a new love for hours, and making plans is difficult. Don’t take it personally if they seem distracted.
His or Her Self-Esteem Isn’t the Greatest
Maybe her husband left her. Maybe he had to move back home with his parents. There are so many factors that could cause a divorced person to have low self-esteem, and therefore be holding back a bit. If you realize that it’s not YOU, it will help YOUR self-esteem, and you won’t be thinking he or she isn’t interested in you.
Be Willing to Play Things by Ear a lot
Dating someone with kids requires a person to be flexible and not have to make plans 10 days in advance. Because, any single parent can tell you that schedules and kids’ activities get switched around every hour. If you’re a planner, that might be a problem.
Getting Involved in His or Her Divorce is a Huge Mistake
If he/she vents about her ex or cries or tells you what a jerk he is, don’t make the mistake of hating the ex, too. Just try to be supportive of feelings and be there for the person in any way you can. Give advice, but be careful. You don’t know the whole situation.
If You Love Him or Her, You Have to Love the Children Too
It’s a package deal. You really have to want to be a step-mum or dad or you shouldn’t be with that person.
For the most part, the single parent is a parent who needs to be there for his or her children, so learn to be patient and you never know where it will take you.
So, you’ve been in this relationship long enough for you to wonder, are you dating a keeper? Because no one wants to waste their time on someone who will just let them down in the end, right? Professional Matchmaker Linda Prescott shares some surefire signs that your dating life is on the right track and you’ve snagged a good one.
1. They apologise.
A partner is human, but they also admit their wrongdoings and learns from mistakes. When a person holds themselves accountable for their actions and apologises to you, said actions show their integrity and confidence about themselves and the relationship.
2. They resolve conflict rather than finger-points.
Rather than pointing fingers during conflict, a partner chooses to work constructively with you and resolve any issues for the sake of the relationship.
3. They pursue other passions (aside from you).
Rather than pursuing you all the time, a good partner shows passion for things outside their relationship. They are passionate about outside interests, has friends and a schedule that might not always revolve around you. They are clearly confident in where the relationship stands.
4. They are decisive in their actions.
They are assertive in their decision making. Whether they are deciding on a Saturday night date spot or what groceries to buy, they know what they want. Kiss the dreaded “What do you want to do?” conversation goodbye!
5. They show their softer side (with joy).
A man isn’t afraid to show his sensitive side. He is in control of his emotions and clearly expresses his feelings of joy and sadness. He understands revealing such vulnerability speaks to his level of emotional intelligence. A woman can also show their softer and feminine side while still staying strong and independent. If they can bring their wall down with you, that means they are putting all their cards on the table.
Along the same lines, a good partner radiates self-confidence and accepts all of themselves. When they demonstrate self-worth inward and outward, they project this quality to those around them.
6. Their actions follow their words.
A person’s actions are a glimpse into their thoughts and are often a good judge of integrity. They will be there when they say they will. You can count on them in all situations. There is nothing more sexy and soothing than when their actions match their words. It just shouts “KEEPER!”
7. They don’t get jealous.
A small dose of jealousy might be cute, but an overly jealous partner spells trouble. A good partner understands that you chose them over all the other men/women out there. Enough said.
8. They have empathy for you.
Experiencing your entire range of feelings and your emotional state is commonplace for your partner. They show a knack for understanding your perspective and feeling which takes your relationship to a new level.
9. They show respect to you (and others).
Whether they are greeting your parents, best friends, or just hanging out with you, a keeper demonstrates respect towards all parties. While they might not have a lot in common with said parties, they will still make a good-faith effort to get to know them because they are a large part of your life.
10. They act on love.
A good partner lets you know where the relationship stands. They don’t play games. Period.
Listen Up Gentlemen.. It turns out, women love a man who has manners and grace but still manages to be strong. A guy who knows how to treat a woman right is a guy who has a good grip on etiquette. The trick is to make sure that what you do is smooth and natural… and not awkward and staged.
The Meet + Greet
So, meeting for the first time, do you lunge in for the cheek kisses right away? Probably not. Usually that would be a little awkward, whereas a warm, not too firm grasp of the hand that lingers while you smile and say “Hello, really nice to meet you,” is a great way to start out. After all, if you fancy someone, isn’t it great to feel the build-up of romantic tension when you wait to hold hands or kiss for the first time?
First-Date Dinner Etiquette
As much as you might like the opportunity to view your date from behind, if you go into a venue that has a flight of stairs, you should walk ahead. If the moment arises, you can reach back and offer your hand so there is a nice moment to touch. If your date is wearing a coat, you should offer to help her with it when she takes it off or when she is putting it on. When you head for the table you should look to offer your date the best seat or position and ensure she is seated and comfortable before you sit down. It’s a natural impulse to sit on the side of the table looking out onto the restaurant — but if you fight the urge and offer the best seat to her, you will have her swooning at your good manners and chivalry. In terms of ordering, make sure you allow your date to place her order first.
Paying The Bill
Then there’s that moment of who pays the bill. My recommendation is for men to make the first move when the bill arrives. There is something about the man picking up the bill that says you are solid, can manage things, that you’re generous and kind. It says a lot about you as a gentleman and women really appreciate this show of generosity on a first date. Of course, you will help her with her coat again and open the door for her when leaving.
So, you are walking down the street, possibly in search of a coffee or an after dinner drink. A gentleman should always place his date out of harm’s way; it sounds old fashioned, but walk closest to the curb and the road and have her walk on the inside. As you cross streets or turn corners, always move to this position. Again, be sure to do this smoothly and naturally to show gentlemanly care.
If your date is getting an uber or taxi home, always make sure you wait with her until her ride arrives and she is in the car. Never leave her waiting alone!
Seems like there are so many things to think about, right? But really, if you only master these few etiquette tips, you will be well on your way to establishing yourself as a real gentleman whose good manners women will recognise.