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Breaking: The Spice Girls Are Back On Tour And They’ve Hardly Aged At All
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  The Stark-Lannister Toy Company introduces the Valyrian Soother. Made from top-grade valyrian steel with a dragon glass handle, this soother is ideal for comforting all the infant Game of Thrones fans who signed a petition and are waiting desperately for Season 8 to be redone to their liking. Suck on it to your heart’s content. Hey, if you’re really upset, pull the handle and use the hidden dragon glass dagger to stab yourself in the eye. Yes, the Seven Kingdoms are a dictatorship, but the making of GOT is a democracy, and the fans have voted for a new GOT that’s more pleasing than the old GOT. The Valyrian Soother is guaranteed to last until a new season is filmed for each fan, comprising 13.6 million different shows. Premiering in the year 5029. Free delivery from Westeros by a dead person. No Visa, Amex, E-transfer or burning a person alive accepted as payment. Gold only, please. DRACARYS!
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DOS FLEDENS, Freedonia.  Vieru Chiznu-Prut, a seminal figure in the “New Wave” movement that transformed the poetry of this consonant-loving nation, has died after crashing his Vespa motorbike into an eggplant stand near his home here.  He was 84. Freedonian “New Wave” Poets, 1939   “It was Chiznu-Prut, more than any other figure of the New Wave, who freed his people’s poetry from the monotonous Ø-æ-ç-å rhyme scheme of the past,” noted Barbara Wexford-Miluski, a professor of comparative literature at The College of Chillicothe, Chillicothe, Ohio.  “He cut a dashing figure on his Vespa, but his love of fuel economy eventually spelled his doom.” Plangent Breadsticks, influential poetry journal   Prior to the New Wave, Freedonia’s poetry was dominated by the Old Wave, which had wrested the mantle of literary pre-eminence from the Even Older Wave at the end of World War I.  The New Wave poets chafed under the overbearing authority of the Old Wave, but broke free with a collective chapbook of poems defiantly titled “Dog Nearly Itches to Death.” Marda Vleznik-Oerthke, reading her poems at a New Wave soiree   The New Wave began to experiment with “blank verse,” forsaking rhyme in pursuit of artistic innovation.  It was Chiznu-Prut’s […]
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HumorOutcasts | Humor Writing Blog by Bill Y "the Legendary Legend" Ledde.. - 4d ago

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This week we are going to highlight our authors who use cartoons to make us laugh and learn.  First up is Phillip Dillman and his oh so humorous cartoons from church entitled Scripture Scribbles: Cartoons from the Choir Loft and the follow up books: More Scripture Scribbles and Scripture Scribbles III          Book Descriptions:  Phillip Dillman is a man of faith, music and cartoons. Each Sunday, Dillman sings in his church choir and sketches cartoons about the day’s sermon. Dillman’s scripture scribbles, which are conceptualized and drawn in a span of about 15 minutes, add a humorous twist and perhaps a bit more appreciation to the traditional Bible stories. In case you might think this is a heretical work, think again as the foreword was written by Dillman’s pastor. Phillip Dillman Bio: Phil Dillman was born and raised in Homewood, Illinois. His parents went to church regularly at First Presbyterian Church of Homewood, with Phil and his sister, Laura, regularly attending Sunday School. Phil remembers some of the drawings he did during that time, one being an erupting volcano. This was inspired by the topic of creation. He was thrilled when the drawings done by the kids […]
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Joyce Eisenberg and Ellen Scolnic write, speak and blog together as The Word Mavens. A week or so ago, our husbands told us what they wanted for Father’s Day: A new umbrella to replace the broken one. A black belt that’s exactly like the worn out one. More of the same cologne they’ve been wearing since college. That’s so boring. Who wants to shop for things our guys actually need? So we Googled gifts for our guys. That was our first mistake. One site recommended a bow tie, a an electric lawnmower, and an iTunes gift card as great gifts for Father’s Day. What? Our guys don’t wear bow ties. Giving them a lawnmower almost guarantees they’ll give us a vacuum cleaner next Mother’s Day. And an iTunes gift card? That’s what you give to a middle schooler on his birthday. “Hey sweetie, here’s $10 to spend any way you want on iTunes.” Back in the day, a coffee mug with a picture of the kids was the perfect gift. Useful. Inexpensive. And so cute! But those days are long gone – and the mugs are faded. (We have not, however, tossed it.) So now we turn to sites like […]
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[Author’s Warning: This week’s post is in response to the Alabama State Legislature’s decision to pass the most draconian anti-abortion law in the country. So, if you’re from Alabama, or perhaps just a big Crimson Tide fan, you might want to skip this week’s post. I hear there’s a good NASCAR race on TV. You might want to watch that instead. – TEJ] The nation’s attention recently pivoted to Alabama, where last week, the state senate, in an overwhelming 25 – 6 vote along party and gender lines, passed landmark legislation banning all abortions in Alabama – including in cases of rape or incest – with the lone exception of when the mother’s life is in danger. Physicians found guilty of violating this new law will face the possibility of up to 99 years in prison – or, even harsher, having to spend the rest of their lives in Alabama. Bolstered by a large fundamentalist Christian constituency, who fervently believe white men and God should have the last say over women’s bodies, the Alabama state governing powers have been emboldened to push through several other ground-breaking bills, all in an effort to return Alabama to its Antebellum glory years. Here […]
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COLUMBIA, Missouri. Timmy Salmon has enjoyed his big brother Tom’s four years at the University of Missouri, visiting the Sigma Nu fraternity house on football game days and being fawned over by visiting sorority girls. “The Tri-Delts are pretty,” he says with the discerning eye of a budding ladies’ man, “but the Kappa Alpha Theta girls are yucky.” C’mon, Timmy–cut ’em some slack.   Still, he’s not sure he wants to follow in the footsteps of an English major who only received one job offer, a temporary minimum wage position reviewing mortgage documents for typos and punctuation errors that could undermine a bank’s rights. “They’re paying him $7.35 an hour,” Timmy says with apparent disgust. “I can make that much mowing lawns.” So Timmy and his friend Scott Rouchka are taking a long, hard look at whether it makes more sense for them to cut their losses now before they invest precious time and effort in sixth grade, which has historically been viewed as the gateway to seventh grade and eventually a college degree. “Sixth grade math is a BIG jump,” says Rouchka, who was fifth-grade arm-wrestling champion. “There’s fractions and decimals, which computers already know how to do.” The […]
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