Healing for Eating Disorders - Best Eating Disorders Help
Best Eating Disorders Help for Freedom plus Full Recovery. Lauren Love is the 1st Transformational Leader and Empowerment Coach for Women with Eating Disorders. Her purpose and passion is to empower women to break free from their limitations and heal on every level — physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually — to create the life of their dreams!
This is one of those things that I just HAD to share with you. One of my clients put this together and I freaking love it (thank you SO much for allowing me to share this Jen!!)! She shared this with her husband and it created such a deeper level of understanding, compassion and opened the door for conversations she didn’t even imagine.
Our hopes in sharing this with you is so that you can share this article with your own loved ones, so that maybe they can understand just a little bit more.
I know one of the biggest things we struggle with is the fact that there are so many people in the world who just don’t “GET IT.” If you have an eating disorder, you understand this fully. And this can become such a hindrance in recovery, because we want to be heard, listened to and understood. Sometimes this can only truly be felt by others who are going through a similar struggle, or by women who have been there already.
This article can help you bridge that gap with those in your life who you really want to connect with more and have them understand you on a deeper level.
Know that when you DO share this, that it opens the door for an authentic conversation, so get ready for your relationships to improve and communication barriers to be busted open– all you have to do is stay open, allow yourself to be vulnerable and share from the heart.
Things a Person with an Eating Disorder Wants You to Know by Jen L.
My eating disorder is the only way I know how to cope with day to day life.
ED is the only constant in my life, the only thing which is unchanging regardless of what external events happen. ED is the only guarantee, the only certainty, the only thing loyal to me throughout everything that comes my way
I don’t know who I am or what I’m all about. I struggle to see my purpose or value.
I have no idea who I am but I have a very clear picture of who I don’t want to be.
I desperately want to be loved and accepted but I believe that no one, including God, could possibly find worth or value in me.
I go to bed some nights and say to God that I would be ok if He chose for me not to wake up tomorrow.
I have no idea how to forgive myself. I believe that everyone’s flaws and shortcomings should be forgiven except for mine.
Sometimes even though I am smiling – the ED voices are screaming and degrading me in my mind!
Without the mask of my eating disorder, I don’t really know who I am or who I could be.
I want desperately to be happy – I have known happy moments but cannot imagine what a life of happiness looks like.
I want to share my pain, sadness and ED thoughts, but I don’t want you to shoulder my pain and my burden so I pretend that everything is perfect!
There are so many things I wish I could say to you, but the fear of judgement and rejection silences me before I can even open my mouth.
Sometimes I want nothing more than for you to listen so that I know that I have been heard. I do not want your advice, your suggestions, or even your words … I just want to know that despite what I share, you will still be here tomorrow.
Honestly, I want and need your help but I have no idea how to ask or even tell you what I want and need.
At times the weight of my sadness is too heavy for any human to carry.
I hate myself because it is easier than allowing someone else to hate or reject me first.
I’m deathly afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about, even though I am already an adult.
I have spent my whole life trying to be someone else because I cannot stand the feeling of my own skin. I hate myself with a passion and treat myself in ways that I would never treat anyone else. No one could judge or berate me more than I do.
I wish that I knew how to love and accept myself. If I did, all of the hatred, self-sabotage, negativity and doubts would stop.
I care about you more than I could ever express, but am so afraid that you will decide that you cannot do this anymore and be forced to leave.
I have never learned how to feel or process emotions. The way I move through my feelings is to never let them surface in the first place.
I am paralyzed because I don’t know how to cope, feel or breathe without my eating disorder.
I’m scared that this could someday kill me and at the same time, I am also afraid that it won’t.
I am so afraid of losing this battle – but I think I am more afraid of succeeding.
I am so ashamed of who I am and what I do on a daily basis just to survive.
Beautiful is not a word that I would use to describe anything about me – but I can see the beauty within most everyone else!
When I look back in regret or remember something I did wrong – in the memory I am always fat and ugly.
My head is a scary place to be so I keep moving and doing so that I do not have to be alone with my thoughts.
I am always in a state of obsession. My mind never shuts off. My ED is ALWAYS berating me for something. I have loops and tracks that play over and over and over about all the things I did wrong, should have done better, should be doing or what tomorrow might bring. I never have a moment of pure peace or silence in my head.
I would give anything to get out of my head and into my body when I am intimate with my husband.
I avoid situations that require me to be vulnerable because I am too afraid to let anyone in.
Often I am not sure how to react so I wait for your reaction to know how I should feel.
Although I may appear insensitive, I am really very perceptive.
I feel like a complete failure as a wife and mother. I am terrified of not being good enough at anything.
Most times I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.
I am generally not trusting of anyone or anything. I do not know what trust looks like.
I don’t even know myself – and am not sure I want to. I wish that I didn’t hate myself but at the same time, I don’t know how it would feel if I didn’t.
I feel larger than life. I hate taking up space. I try to make myself into a small enough ball so that I can disappear.
I wear my weight like bulky and heavy armor.
I only pretend to be naïve because I’m too scared to show you just how serious and deep I can really be.
I need help believing in myself because I fear that I will never measure up.
I hold back from full recovery as an excuse to not chase after my goals and dreams because I am so afraid of failing and letting others down.
I don’t like my eating disorder but at the same time I do not know how to dislike it either.
I always feel like a burden and if I share – then I feel like I am dumping my struggles on you. I desperately want and need your support, but I feel too guilty to ask.
I have big dreams and wish that I believed enough in myself to make them happen.
For years, I wanted someone to know my secret, hopping they’d stop the pain and hurting because I didn’t know how or care enough to stop myself.
I am extremely insecure … I have no confidence in myself or my abilities. I struggle to believe in myself so even the slightest criticism seems like a personal attack.
Sometimes your words and actions hurt me even though you were not intending to.
Even when it doesn’t look like it, I am trying, and I’m doing my best in the moment. I really want to get better … I just do not know how to even start somedays.
I want to make a difference in the world but I fear that I have nothing of value to share.
I hate being needy and yet I so long to be taken care of.
Even though I do not believe in me – it helps me to know that you believe in me.
I don’t feel that I deserve your unconditional love yet I don’t want you to give up on me either.
I love you even when you don’t think I do and I’m so, so sorry for all the times I lied about my eating disorder and made you worry about me.
What I want most is for you to tell me that you love me just the way I am … I pray that someday, I can learn to believe it.
There you have it! Click the buttons on the left to SHARE via your fav social media or hit the PRINTER button to print this out and share with your partners, loved ones and friends so they can understand a bit more about where you are coming from and this massive battle that you are fighting.
Sending SOOOO much love and healing energy your way beautiful soul!
Do you ever feel in it your bones and body and heart and mind and soul when you KNOW something BIG is about to happen?
I feel as if I’m on this accelerated path in life, and sometimes I don’t understand how other people don’t have exactly what they want.
If you want something, why don’t you go after it?
One of the things I’m really very proud of myself for is my ability to take MASSIVE ACTION towards my dreams.
I don’t fuck around.
I’ve been practicing this skill for many years ago, and I forget how hard and difficult it was at the beginning.
I remember many years ago when I would actually let my life and the “way things were” get in the way of my dreams.
I would let other people define my reality.
I bought into the social conditions that things just had to be a certain way.
After all, that’s “just the way it is.”
Until one day many years ago, I began to wake up.
I had my first official “awakening” when I was 18 years old. I was in college and I remember exactly where I was when I “woke up.”
I was really confused at that time about reality and why I hated myself and my life so much. I couldn’t figure out why I was so ‘fucked up.’
I began diving in to different religious texts and self help books like it was water. Drinking that shit up and absorbing it in, even though it directly contradicted everything that I was living, being and doing.
I had no idea what was to come.
When I started meditating for the first time shortly after, it scared the SHIT out of me! I was seeing things that just didn’t make any logical sense.
To put it very simply, I was primed from a young age and shortly thereafter I had a quite intense manic-depressive-anorexic-bulimic-drug-addicted breakdown coupled with an identity crisis of massive proportion.
It needed to happen.
It couldn’t NOT happen.
It was exactly what I needed at the time, and there was something SO liberating and terrifying and scary about it at the same time.
It was like I KNEW something big was coming, but I had no idea WHAT it was or HOW to get it.
I just kept going.
Fast forward to dropping out of college, treatment center after treatment center, and feeling fucking crazy as hell.
I wanted to die at many points— I didn’t see the point of life.
What is it that fuels some of us to go on at this point? I personally just kept believing and thinking that something greater was out there, that someday I would finally find the ANSWER and I would CRACK THE CODE on why my life was so fucked up, why I was entrenched in the middle of what felt like a chaotic shit-show.
I couldn’t take care of myself. I couldn’t function or get out of bed for many many months. Years went by and I was still trying, still kicking, still “working” on myself every chance I got.
And you know what? It all WAS for something greater…
I got to a point where something shifted for me. By the grace of God I got pregnant with my daughter. Drug addicted, anorexic and bulimic I conceived a child and I PROMISED GOD that I would not do that shit anymore if He promised me a healthy, happy child. I swore that I would change my life in a huge way.
And I did. I stopped using drugs. I stopped binging and purging. I started to gain the weight back. I still felt crazy and out of control on the inside, but I had something else to focus on at the moment. I was having a daughter, and soon! I was 3 months pregnant when I found out.
For months I went in and out of a half-way house and then moved into a state-assisted housing program for pregnant women. My daughter was born healthy, happy and thriving. I was thrilled and suddenly my life had a greater meaning.
However my life was far from being worked out or easy. My boyfriend at the time and I were both unemployed, broke and homeless. He got thrown in jail a week before the baby was born. We had nothing and I had nothing except HOPE. Hope for a future and a good life. Hope that things could FINALLY get better.
It was a rough couple of years after that. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and go back to school. We struggled financially as my daughter’s dad was an addict and had trouble holding a job.
And also the worst thing possible happened… the eating disorder came back.
It came back slowly at first, and then before I knew it, it was full force. Gaining the weight and having a baby was wreaking havoc and the eating disorder voice was super loud, negative critical and I was binging and purging daily again and losing weight.
I stayed in denial for a few years but it was like I couldn’t move forward in my life if I didn’t take care of the eating disorder. It was like a parasite, stealing my energy, my attention, and I knew I couldn’t accomplish anything I wanted to in my life unless I broke free.
I tried to do it myself and failed miserably. I underestimated the power that the eating disorder had over me, as I was trying to stop and I couldn’t. I felt powerless, out of control and my life had become totally unmanageable yet AGAIN.
But I was committed to changing my life in a huge way!! I knew I was destined for more. I wasn’t going to give up on myself, my life and being the mother I knew I wanted to be for my daughter.
What happened next is too long to include here— that is a story for another day!!— but let’s just say that I STEPPED UP my game.
I got to a place in my life where I had HAD ENOUGH. I was fucking SO SICK AND TIRED of the BULLSHIT that I was putting myself through!!!
I got angry— really angry!! And not at myself, but just at everything— my circumstances, my eating disorder, the fact that I STILL FUCKING HAD IT, that it wasn’t easy, that I would have to do the work and struggle through it. I was so pissed but what was different about this time was that I turned that anger outwards and channeled it in a way that could FUEL my efforts.
I DOVE IN headfirst. I am an extreme person, I admit, and eating disorder recovery was no different. I wanted to have it ALL— I wanted to stop destroying my body, my health and my energy, but I still wanted to have a hot body— my #1 fear was that I would get fat and blow up like a balloon.
I wanted to fucking be FREE!! Not just from the behaviors but the thoughts as well. This is probably the number 1 question I get from women now is, “Do the ED thoughts ever go away?” Fuck yes they do, and if anyone tells you otherwise, and says you can’t have exactly what you want, I would run far, far away.
The truth is that you can have it ANY WAY YOU WANT IT. Do you want to have it ALL?
I wanted to love the SHIT out of myself. No half-assing there. I wanted to feel SO GOOD about myself that it also WOULDN’T MATTER what size or shape my body was, even though I did want to take care of it and have it look nice.
I just really wanted to eat what I wanted when I wanted it and maintain my weight and do the exercise that made me feel good and I wanted that to be it.
I set my intentions and I started to work towards my goals. And you know what? Not long after, I got there.
I got everything that I asked for.
Not because I’m magical or special or anything like that. It was because I did the fucking work to get there.
I went ALL IN.
I BELIEVED in myself.
I KNEW I could do it.
I didn’t take NO for an answer when they told me it couldn’t be done.
If I would have listened to what “they” said, I would be dead. I would be trapped in faulty ED treatment the rest of my life where they would hammer into my head that “eating disorders are a disease” and that “you will always have to cope with and manage your symptoms.” Bullshit.
Times are changing and healthcare is changing as well. There are so many holistic practitioners, energy workers, light workers, and professionals out there that are changing the WORLD and helping people fully recover from what we once thought were incurable diseases. Our society is changing and it is now a dinosaur belief to think that you can’t recover from an eating disorder if you want to.
And that’s the thing— you have to WANT to. You have to go all in. You have to put all your fucking energy and attention and focus into what you DO want— no matter what. Tell yourself it’s not a fucking option. It’s DONE.
Act from that place.
I know you FEEL IT WITHIN… that something BIG is coming…
Back then I KNEW that if I could recover from my eating disorder, that I could do ANYTHING…
And I’ve proved that time and time again…
Once I broke FREE, I began to manifest and create the most amazing life for myself…
One where I am able to do what I love every single day. Travel the world. Have amazing relationships with some really fucking powerful and inspiring people. Spend more time with my kids. Make more money and impact than I’ve ever dreamed of. I live by the beach and live my dream life every single day, and it just keeps getting better and better.
I couldn’t have even fathomed this life back then, but I allowed myself to dream.
I saw myself living this life and knew that I was destined for it.
I did what I had to do to get there.
Sometimes it wasn’t fucking easy. Actually most of it was really fucking hard.
But not in the grueling, unimportant, dull and boring way.
Everything that I’ve done and worked for and created has all been born out of a place of alignment, purpose, passion and flow. I’ve worked my ass off over these last 7 years to share this message with the world— that YOU CAN RECOVER. That FULL RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE.
How could you NOT believe in your ability to break free, knowing what you know now?
It is an INEVITABLE part of evolution. Your soul’s maturation process naturally goes through these phases. I just happened to go through my dark night of the soul at a young age, just as I was meant to.
I could have stopped it. Shut it down, like many women do.
Many of us will think that it is a bad thing!! That “OMG I AM SO FUCKED UP, what is wrong with me?!” and then they label themselves and shame themselves and keep the eating disorder locked up in a little container, compartmentalized from the world where no one knows about it but you.
It’s a trusted “friend”, confidant, lover and ABUSER.
Isn’t it time you woke up to the reality of what it really is?
What it really is, is a fucking DISTRACTION to you living your life on PURPOSE.
You are MEANT FOR MORE.
You don’t deserve to suffer and struggle and be stuck in the place that you are anymore.
You can CHOOSE to overcome.
You can CHOOSE LIFE.
You can CHOOSE to break FREE and create a life you LOVE.
Anyone can do it, but not many will choose this path, as it is treacherous and it requires you to develop massive amounts of perseverance, courage and bravery.
It is not for the faint of heart.
It is for those who know deep down inside that you are a warrior goddess beautiful soul who is destined to go on the journey of a lifetime…
One filled with riches and abundance beyond belief.. anything your heart desires and your mind and soul can dream up, you can create….
First you must BELIEVE… you must TAP IN and release all that is holding you back… and then you must take MASSIVE ALIGNED ACTION towards it.
There is no other way.
Many of you are already well along the journey.
Many of you are just beginning.
Either way, know that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
I believe that those who are the chosen ones are those that are attracted to me and are reading this message here today. This message is for you, this is your wake-up call — to let you know that today is the day to not let your life pass you by!
There are SO MANY things beyond the eating disorder. I know it’s scary to let it go. I know you don’t know who you are going to be without it. I know you are afraid of getting fat and not having a crutch to fall back on. I know you are afraid of being rejected and afraid of failing and of not being good enough to do it.
I get it.
I’ve been there.
None of it is true.
Trust, my child and have faith that more and more good and abundance and joy and love is on the other side of fear.
That you will be pleasantly delighted and surprised as to what awaits you on the other side…
The journey is to let all that shit come up and bring it to the light to be released and transformed.
The *key* is to acknowledge that shit and NOT LET IT STOP YOU.
That is the only reason I am here today sharing this message with you.
My journey has not been free of fears, self doubts and anxieties… it just means that I have acted despite having them.
I welcome in and invite my fears, my self imposed self doubts and anxieties to come up. And when I do look them in the face, they aren’t as scary as I thought they were.
I really love myself.
I love myself so much and I’m so proud of myself for how far I’ve come.
I know that I can do anything that I put my mind, heart and soul to, anything that I believe and know that I am worthy and deserving of receiving.
Facing these fears and continuing on in the dark for so many years, some weeks and months not even seeing the light, with full faith that what is coming has to be SO much greater than what I was going through…
I have NOT had it easy.
And I know what you’re going through right now, beautiful soul, is fucking HARD.
You’ve been through some traumatic shit in your life, I know. There’s the emotional traumas, the high expectations and perfectionism, possibly even the sexual, physical or toxic relationship abuse, coupled with severe depression, anxiety, overwhelm and feeling out of control… I know what you’re going through, I have been through it all and can totally relate.
But I know that you are much stronger than all of that. That I KNOW you can move forward and overcome. What I shared today is honestly just a tiny sliver of what happened through my life, and I know we all have our own struggles that we go through.
Now is the time for you to make a choice.
To make a decision of what you WILL and WON’T ALLOW in your life.
It is time now to stand UP for yourself and your life and DEMAND more from your life.
You DESERVE IT.
You are worth going through all the pain and stuck-ness to get there.
If you know that you are meant for more, OWN that.
Take action on that.
I believe in you.
Something HUGE is coming!!!
Sending soooo much love and healing energy your way beautiful soul!!
In light + love,
P.S. Leave me a comment below and let me know what you are ready to step into and what ACTION you’re going to take as a result of this blog!!!!
I know there are going to be some days where you absolutely don’t want to do what you know you “should” be doing.
I know what it’s like to wake up in the morning and not want to “do” life. To not want to engage or participate in anything at all, and just to disappear… to pull the covers over your head and to just say FUCK IT ALL.
I have to say that this intense depression is something that has plagued me for many years. The not wanting to do anything. No motivation. No drive to get anything done. To just sit in the place that I was in, because it felt like there was no escape.
Truth be told, sometimes I still feel like this. Sometimes I wake up in the mornings, and I truly do not have a desire to do anything. I don’t want to show up, I don’t want to take on the burdens of life and responsibilities that I know are waiting for me.
The thing is when you are conscious of these things, I think that it is actually more difficult to deal with them— because you aren’t actively numbing out. When I was using the eating disorder and mass amounts of drugs and alcohol, it was very easy to just numb out and not deal with anything.
But now? Now I don’t use any of those things. I deal with everything HEAD ON.
It is an entirely different way to approach life. I had to work for many years to get to a place where I can be experiencing the mass amounts of emotional turmoil and processing and STILL SHOW UP FOR LIFE.
In fact this has probably been one of my strongest qualities and something I’ve also judged as a weakness or liability but damn I’ve gotten over that and I want to show you how to do that as well. Let me explain…
Us women with eating disorders are INCREDIBLY sensitive beings. We feel emotions SO DEEPLY. SO DEEPLY in fact that it can actually hamper our ability to function in life. The feelings and emotions we experience can literally be debilitating and paralyzing. We feel SO MUCH.
It makes sense then that the eating disorder came in at a time in your life when you literally COULDN’T DEAL with everything that was happening to you. It was literally TOO MUCH for you to handle. Whether you consciously realize it or not, there was too much STRESS, too much EMOTIONAL INTENSITY, and you got overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all.
You might have been traumatized sexually or physically on one extreme, or you may just have been a super sensitive emotional child and didn’t deal with change or life well. Either way, there is nothing wrong with how or why you developed the eating disorder. Because underneath it all, we are all incredibly emotional beings. And society has told us and conditioned us to believe that there is something wrong with this and that we need to be medicated and fixed and we need to change ourselves in order to change how we feel.
But the truth is that there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with being an emotional creature, and in fact this is something that I had to accept many years ago which in that ACCEPTANCE has come great FREEDOM.
You see, I actively understand that my emotions are important to me. I don’t ignore them, I don’t stuff them down, I don’t distract myself from feeling them.
I allow them to come up. I allow myself to feel them. I make friends with them, observe them and then let them go.
I don’t believe that emotions are a bad thing— and this is one thing that I see SO MANY women struggling with, especially recently in my coaching practice and in the Recovery Soul Tribe. Why is it that we think that having emotions is a bad thing or there is something we need to do to change them?
I honestly feel like this is such common knowledge to me that I sometimes think its too simple when I tell women that its okay to feel… but seriously this is something that so many women beat themselves up and criticize themselves for… isolating themselves and punishing themselves for just being who they are and feeling what they feel especially when it is super negative and uncomfortable.
I just know the way it works and feel confident in the system that I use for myself, and can’t really understand how other people don’t understand it too!! Which is probably why I need to write this to communicate to you the way in which I operate so that you too can utilize this mindset and apply it so that you can overcome this block in your life and go on to fully break free from the eating disorder and create a life you love. This is a part of the journey on how you get there.
And also just let me just address those of who you are aware that you need to do emotional work but who don’t feel connected to your emotions… Do you feel like instead of feeling everything so much that you spend most of your time in your head? Overanalyzing and scrutinizing every little fucking detail inside your head? Especially when it comes to calories, food, obsessing over every little bite of food that you put into your body, workouts that you do, every little comment that you hear people make you repeat, your obsess, you think about what everyone else is thinking about? I’m talking to you too, you know.
You see, what I’ve found is that the women who tend to find themselves up in their heads and in their masculine energy much of the time with having to have things be logical, rational and make sense out of everything— you TOO are an emotional creature that has largely been cut off from this part of your being. You probably feel terrified to even go there, because of the magnitude of emotions that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel.
Believe me— they are there. They are there waiting to be expressed! And you too can benefit from connecting to these deeper parts of you and allowing yourself to feel what you haven’t felt in years or even DECADES. I’ve worked with so many women who don’t even realize they have underlying depression or emotional issues until they really start eliminating eating disorder behaviors— for example they start eating again regularly or stop binging and purging and quite frankly don’t like what they find. They find that there are some deep emotional wounds and traumas that they have been avoiding and denying that has caused them to become completely disconnected from their bodies and live entirely up inside their heads.
The good news is that it is only a negative experience in the beginning. That it DOES get better, but it does seem to get worse before it gets better, which is a truth that I think many women need to accept and just fucking forge on in recovery anyways, knowing that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
Anyways, if you resonate with this, you are also a highly sensitive and emotional being, so much so that you’ve developed very advanced ways of being to completely cut yourself off from this essential part of your being, your soul! Which is most likely why you feel unfulfilled, unsatisfied and completely shut down to the heights of joy, love, expression, creativity and purpose in your life.
This is such an important point to hammer home to you!! That the only way we are to experience the joys of life, the satisfaction of healthy and loving relationships, getting high on life itself, and experiencing true joy, happiness and fulfillment, is by allowing ourselves to go through the depths of our sadness, our anger, our hurts, our guilt, shame, anxiety and depression.
There is no other way! We must allow ourselves to bring up everything that is blocking us from experiencing true joy and fulfilling our true potential in this life! And the only way to get there is THROUGH.
And of course there are shortcuts… for example I am certified and trained in a technique called Mental and Emotional Release technique which can certainly speed up this process. I take my private clients through a Breakthrough Session process that allows them to release the root cause of their emotional traumas and limiting beliefs very quickly, easily and permanently.
However, what I find that even with processes that help us to release our emotions, that an important factor to consider and something that can influence the efficacy of such techniques— is the RELATIONSHIP with EMOTIONS in general.
WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND that emotions are OKAY TO FEEL! There is nothing wrong with them!! Even where I’m at, and how far along I’ve come in this journey, with how many tens of thousands of dollars I’ve spent investing in my personal development and own release work, I STILL have stuff come up for me.
The difference is, that I have a wonderful relationship with my emotional body. I understand that negative emotions are temporary when they come up. They also are here to teach me something. All of our emotions contain lessons that we can ONLY receive once we’ve let them go. Sometimes we have to learn the lesson in order to release them. And sometimes there are also going to be times when we have NO IDEA WHY we are feeling the way we do. ALSO OKAY. You might find out later, or you might now. If you are to develop emotionally, you MUST BE OKAY with not knowing. You can’t always try to figure them out, or you’ll be trying to figure them out forever and you’ll never move forward!
The trick is to live in the question— to allow, to surrender, to accept and to BE with what is. Once you are able to do these things, then the emotions WILL inevitably release. They will pass and you will be wiser, stronger and more aware when they do. But you have to be willing to go through the shit storm to receive the rainbows and butterflies on the other side!!
The entire point of what I’m sharing with you today is to let you know that you will always have emotions and to NOT LET THEM STOP YOU. Especially once you are in recovery, you are going to feel EVEN MORE. You thought you were emotional before? Get ready…and honestly it’s a good thing, to become tuned into your emotional side is to develop a strong and loving best friend relationship with yourself. To know that NO MATTER WHAT you go through, that you commit to being there to SUPPORT yourself through it.
It’s a false belief to think that you will get through recovery and everything will become easy. That you won’t feel sad, you won’t feel unmotivated or depressed or angry or hurt or guilty or ashamed. Fuck no, and if you believe that these things will go away for good you need a wake up call. The difference in recovery is that we ADDRESS these things with LOVE, and we DON’T LET THEM STOP US.
We look at them with curiosity, with detachment, and with observation. We don’t let them determine our life. We don’t feel at whim of our emotions anymore. We don’t let them isolate us. We don’t let them disconnect us from our relationships, rather the opposite. When you can learn to accept ALL of your emotions, you can take CHARGE of your life. You can allow them to help you GROW in your relationships, to DEEPEN your LOVE for yourself and for life.
Because the truth is that we are incredibly sensitive and in my coaching programs we work on developing a strong relationship with self so that you can better understand your connection (or repulsion) to feeling your feelings. We work on loving yourself through them and processing through them in a way that does NOT paralyze or affect your ability to function in your real life.
Personally I have always been fascinated with emotions, my inability to control them as a child, teen and early adult, and my inclination to using behaviors and substances to amplify or numb certain emotions. It has been incredibly sobering and truth-revealing to learn over the last 10 years how to just sit with myself and my emotions without those dysfunctional coping tools. Of course it’s not perfect, and I obviously have my stuff that I go through that affects me more profoundly at times, or when I react out of fear or anger, but most of the time I am VERY aware and conscious of how I am feeling and my relationship to it and can communicate it in a way that is helpful, loving and productive.
Emotions are simply energy— energy in MOTION— get it? E- MOTION. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel them, they get trapped inside our neurology, inside our bodies and become stored as BAGGAGE. This emotional baggage is what we carry with us as wounds and blocks and also has us repeating our same negative patterns over and over and over again.
For example, have you ever felt like you break up with one partner and then get into another relationship that is exactly the same, just with a different person? Or you’ve tried hundreds of diets or workout plans but always end up at the same spot? Or move all over the place but you always end up in a similar situation? This is because of the baggage you carry, and once you go through the release work and emotional processing of that baggage, then you are able to elevate and transcend your old patterns of being.
Emotional baggage is what holds us back and weighs us down, and feeling our emotions and allowing ourselves to go through them is crucial to not repeating the same patterns over and over again! Which is why we do this work in eating disorder recovery. Emotions — even the negative ones— are usually here to serve a purpose. We have to be able to see that there is benefit in going through them and letting them go, as this is the only way to move forward in life and develop a level of emotional intelligence.
So today beautiful soul, what is it that you are holding inside that you are ready to let go of? What is it that you are judging yourself or criticizing yourself for feeling?
Know that it is absolutely normal and OKAY for you to feel these things. Allow yourself to go into it, to feel it, to process through it in your own way. Journal on what is coming up, meditate on it, talk to support people or loved ones about it, or enlist the help of a coach like myself to help you move through the emotions easily and effortlessly. You are too important to NOT learn these skills.
Whatever you are feeling today is OKAY!
You are ENOUGH, even if you are feeling down.
You are ENOUGH, even if you are feeling sad, negative, overwhelmed or incredibly guilty today.
This is the process of recovery. By becoming aware of what we are feeling,..
I hear this SO many times, over and over. And in fact, I was GUILTY of this exact fucking mindset myself for many years!!
“I KNOW WHAT TO DO, I JUST DON’T DO IT!!!”
*I don’t know HOW to do it!!*
*I’m not ready.*
*I’m not there yet.*
*I need to learn more.*
*I don’t know HOW to do it.*
*I need to do this first…*
*I need to be this first…*
*I need to have this first…*
Whatever it is.
Its all. The. Same. Excuse.
We know SO much!!! And yet there is a HUGE part of this that denies this.
This part wants to protect us, keep us safe and doesn’t want us to change.
Because if we did, we would have to grow.
We would have to get uncomfortable.
We would have to endure pain and suffering — emotionally, mentally and yes, sometimes physically.
So the problem isn’t that you don’t know HOW to do it.
You know how to do this.
You just DON’T WANT to.
Not all the way at least.
I get it, it’s totally okay.
We have all the knowledge and wisdom inside of us already, yet it’s easy to get distracted and think that we need to know *MORE* in order to *DO* it.
Knowledge is nothing without application.
Isn’t it amazing the things that we *know* nowadays!?
On the internet, we can get “5 Simple Steps to Anything” at our fingertips. There is so much free content, so many people claiming to have the answer— to get their free gift, to read their oodles of content and watch my videos, blah blah blahhhhh.
Especially in the area of self development and personal growth. And in this case, your eating disorder recovery (but in my humble opinion not quite as much *Quality* info out there on how to actually break FREE from your ED, which is why I do what I do with so much passion, but I digress…)
We KNOW SO MUCH.
But what are you doing with it, beautiful soul?
It can be such an easy tendency for us to use the seeking and reading and researching as a DISTRACTION.
I see this all the time, and I used to be this way!! That seeking and searching out different ways to *FIX* myself became a way to AVOID DOING THE WORK.
That you think, *“OMG this one thing over here, this diet plan or workout plan or person or book or workshop or training or treatment center— THIS one is going to have the ANSWER!! THIS one is FINALLY going to FIX me!!”*
You dive headfirst into this thing, wholeheartedly or maybe foolishly believing that it’s going to be different. After all, you finally figured out what is WRONG with you, and here’s a way to FIX or get that magical CURE you were looking for.
But what happens is— that diet plan, or workout plan, or book, or workshop or training — we expect things to MAGICALLY be different.
We put in some effort in the beginning, we might even start to do the work. To learn, to shift or to apply whatever it is that we got ourselves into. Whatever shiny object was in front of us at the time.
But then eventually what happens is we get burned out.
The thing we thought was going to give us the ANSWER actually turned out to backfire on us.
It was good for a while— it gave us the HIGH, the RUSH that we were looking for but did not provide the DEEPER SHIFTS needed to create a PERMANENT CHANGE in our life.
It was temporary.
It was awesome for a while.
But it did NOT last.
And then there is some spin inside your mind that tells you…
“SEE… I told you, you couldn’t change.”
“You are so fucked up, what is WRONG with you!?”
How often is this your experience?
I see this time and time again and can relate because I DID IT MYSELF for SO long.
The truth is– if you’re ready to hear it– is that… THERE IS NO ANSWER.
NOTHING out there can “fix” you.
There is no PERFECT program.
There is no PERFECT approach.
Do you want to know what IS??
Do you want to know THE SECRET??
YOU are your recovery plan.
Your recovery plan is to find all the ways in which you want and need to grow, and then challenge yourself to go there.
To dive deep into it. To heal yourself from the inside out.
I still don’t understand how some people are afraid of going within.
I LIVE for this shit.
Growing, evolving, transformation– is my LIFE!!! I wouldn’t be here had I not fallen in LOVE with getting to know myself better.
THAT is the plan.
Your recovery plan is YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.
Your recovery journey is growing into and developing a beautiful relationship with yourself.
THAT is the ANSWER!!!
Only YOU can heal yourself.
Everything you need to heal is already inside of you.
ALL YOU NEED is a way to access it.
Recovery isn’t about taking someone’s external plan and slapping it into your life and then trying to follow it. Because then when you FAIL miserably at it you feel horribly bad about yourself, ridden with guilt and shame thinking “what the fuck is wrong with me!!?”
Plus most of the recovery shit is the same anyways, right?!
I mean you logically *know* what to do– stop binging and purging, stop restricting, eat 3 meals plus 2-3 snacks, stop overexercising, stop abusing laxatives and stop the binging.
Gain weight, lose weight, get back to your normal BMI weight according to the “rules” as to where your body is “supposed” to be.
You know what to do– but that’s not why we are here.
I know you know * what* to do– that is NOT the problem!!
The problem is that you feel fucked up because you can’t figure out WHY YOU JUST CAN’T DO IT.
I have news for you– there’s NOTHING wrong with you.
Sure you might have a bunch of fucked up shit going on up inside your head right now.
I know– I am a trauma survivor, I’ve been raped and grew up with incredibly low self esteem, hating and punishing myself with the eating disorder, drugs and addictions for many many years.
YES, I was pretty fucked up back then I’ll admit!! My mindset made me feel CRAZY and I didn’t feel in control of my life for long periods of time.
AND YET STILL there wasn’t anything wrong with me.
I was just lost.
I lost who I was.
I lost my belief in myself, in life, in everything.
But what I tried back then– and I tried a LOT of things– none of it really worked.
I tried inpatient treatment centers, intensive outpatient treatment, multiple different support groups (OA, EDA, AA, NA), online forums and support groups, read books by the million, saw sooo many different therapists, counselors, psychiatrists and doctors on what the hell to do about all these problems I had.
None of them had the answer.
What I realized many years into recovery was that I simply needed to find WHAT WORKED FOR ME.
This is what recovery is all about.
It’s about finding what feels good on a deeper soul level.
It’s about finding true fulfillment in your life and pursuing what it is that
makes you feel ALIVE.
It’s about growing in this relationship with yourself so that you finally fall in love with yourself and your life!!
This is when you start taking action because you *want* to, not because you *have* to.
This is why I say you already KNOW exactly what to do.
And why it’s ultimately NOT going to work.
Because if it was going to work and you wanted to do it, you’d be doing already, right?!?
Now what it is all about is discovering what you actually WANT to do.
Recovery is born out of a desire of your SOUL, rather than something someone else says you should do. In their way. On their terms.
It will NEVER work that way.
In the long term it won’t.
You might see temporary relief and change but if you actually don’t find the way to develop yourself and grow and learn and evolve in your relationship with yourself in a way that feels good to you, you won’t keep doing it.
You’ll relapse every time.
And I’m not being negative here, it’s literally just the story of EVERY single woman that I’ve ever worked with.
It’s time to stand up and DEMAND for yourself a higher level of quality recovery that you FUCKING deserve!!!
A recovery process that feels GOOD to you, that WORKS and allows you to grow and evolve into the woman that you were always meant to become!!
A recovery blueprint that is not one-size-fits all, but rather EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT YOU NEED AND WANT TO WORK ON along your own personal recovery journey, on YOUR time and on YOUR terms!!
And while you are growing along the path, to have a recovery community to surround you and uplift you that believes in YOU, in your innate goodness, your magnificent SOUL, and that supports you and loves you without ANY judgment around where you’re at or what you’re currently doing!!
A recovery approach that just helps YOU be more of the YOU that you want to be!!
The RECOVERY SOUL TRIBE!!!
For Intuitive Stressed Out Perfectionistic Successful Women Who are Scared and Overwhelmed yet are READY to Connect, Heal and Transform from the Inside Out so that they can Break FREE and Create a Life they LOVE!!
For women who know in their hearts they were BORN FOR MORE.
Who are ready to step up, learn more about their beautiful soul and discover who they really are without their eating disorder.
Who are ready to create their own recovery plan and stop trying to FIX themselves from the outside in following someone else’s plan.
Who are ready to do the DEEPER WORK that sustained, full and permanent recovery requires.
I know you have what it takes, beautiful soul!!
I will be teaching and training you on EVERYTHING you need to know on how to do this!!!
Inside the monthly program we will cover topics such as–
Become an intuitive eater
Develop a loving relationship with exercise
Love and trust your body
How to love yourself
Heal yourself on every level– physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
Become your true authentic self and let go of the eating disorder
Overcome anxiety, depression and PTSD
Reprogram your mind
Emotional healing and release work
Forgiveness for yourself and others
Heal your relationships and create new more fulfilling ones that support you
I know you might not know if this is going to “work.”
I’ve been where you’ve been and I know how much I didn’t trust and doubted myself. I didn’t know if I could do it.
But I made that DECISION to grow into WANTING to do this work on myself.
You don’t have to believe it is possible *yet.* All you have to do is take that next step to get started, and the way will be shown to you.
The best part is that in this program is that you get to create your own unique recovery blueprint, and do it in a way that feels good and works for you.
It doesn’t matter where you are in your recovery, if you feel that you are sick and tired and have had ENOUGH of the eating disorder, then this program is right for you!!
It doesn’t matter how much you weigh, it doesn’t matter how bad your behaviors are, it doesn’t matter how CRAZY you feel on the inside, this program can help you wherever you are at.
If you are on the fence about doing an online program, know that you can join today and test the community out for 30 days, and if it’s not right for you then you can leave, hassle-free and won’t be charged after that. You can cancel anytime you feel that it is not in alignment with your path.
But of course, I know that once you make that decision to COMMIT, you will fall in LOVE with the high level of support, love and nurturing that our 70+ badass recovery warriors offer as they give of their hearts, encouragement and personal stories in our Sacred Healing Community.
I know you will start to really get used to learning and growing and stretching yourself with the powerful videos lessons, that you’ll just want to keep going and going.
I know you will start to really feel more of your true authentic self, you’ll start to really make progress and you’ll want to stay forever.
I mean, come on, that’s why I named it the “Soul Tribe.” If you resonate with this, you are my SOUL SISTER, dear one, and this is your call to step up and join this POWERFUL community today.
Do it for yourself. Make the decision to choose YOU.
It’s a decision that I know you won’t regret.
The DOORS CLOSE tonight at 12 MIDNIGHT EST TIME so get in NOW to get started on your own personal recovery journey!!! Click here —-> www.RecoverySoulTribe.com
You deserve to give this great gift of recovery to yourself.
Sending soooo much love and healing energy to you today, beautiful soul!!!
In light + love,
P.S. There are only 28 spots left — make sure you grab your seat now and start your freedom journey today!!!
Do you ever feel like you have a dream SO BIG that you have NO IDEA if you can create it or not?
Do you ever feel like you have so much potential within you, it almost feels overwhelming?
There’s so much you want to DO, so much you want to BE, so much you want to HAVE in your life. You’ve got big dreams and goals for your life!!
You just want to UNLEASH who you are to the world… but there’s something inside of you holding you back.
Your eating disorder, addictions, self limiting patterns, your limiting beliefs, your environment, circumstances, the way it currently is — is all holding you back from achieving and becoming ALL that you KNOW you CAN BE.
“IF ONLY I could let go of the eating disorder, THEN maybe I could actually create the life of my dreams.”
You hold yourself back and tell yourself over and over again that TOMORROW you’ll change. When X happens, when Y happens, THEN I’ll be ready.
When I have the perfect body. When I have the perfect relationship. When food and eating is easy. When I have the perfect job. The perfect home. THEN I’ll change. THEN I’ll be healed and recovered.
But that day never comes.
Every day feels the same. You wake up with hopes and dreams that today is going to be different!! And sometimes it is. But eventually, whether it is that same day, or as time passes… you fall back into the limiting patterns.
You’re restricting, binging, purging, overexercising, numbing yourself out from life.
Numbing everything that you feel.
Comforting yourself with the food, with the restriction or binging of food. Working out so fucking hard as a punishment killing yourself, beating yourself with every fucking step you take.
Counting every fucking calorie, obsessing and analyzing over every fucking morsel you put into your body, labeling everything as “good” or “bad”, that’s what I “should” eat, that’s what I “should” or “shouldn’t” do, following everyone else’s plan for here’s how it SHOULD be and when you can’t fucking live up to the highest ideals and standards you have for yourself…
So you CRASH…you find yourself saying “FUCK IT… what does it matter ANYWAYS?” “If I just restrict this one meal… binge this one time… eat what I “want”, it will be “FINE”and then inevitably you “fuck it all up”… and fall back into the old patterns even more hardcore then before.. binging and purging and restricting and punishing yourself, rebelling against everything you “should” be doing, right?
But it “feels” good in the moment, doesn’t it?
Or maybe you’re just holding on to the control and not allowing yourself to even indulge in food at all, because you feel you deserve to struggle, you enjoy the feeling of emptiness, of starving away all feelings and emotions and stress and it gives you the “high” of feeling like you’ve accomplished something.
You might even get a fucked up sense of pride, for feeling like you are “better” than other people, look at you, you’ve got so much self control that you can deprive yourself of food and nourishment, just withering away as your energy drops, you start getting depressed and anxious..
Isolation is the best way to not let anyone see what is happening to you… it also starts to be the best option to lie and sneak around while at the same time people are saying “WOW!! You look GREAT, have you lost weight, OMG!!”
And inside it feels like a gut punch, silently whispering to yourself, “YES I’M FUCKING KILLING MYSELF, SUFFERING and STRUGGLING CAN’T YOU SEE!??!” while at the same time putting on a fake smile and taking the compliment gritting your teeth because THAT “feels good”… at least temporarily on the surface, to gain that approval and acceptance from others.
As long as you LOOK okay on the outside, right?
But inside you feel like you are slowly dying, your soul withering away as you get further and further away from who you really are.
Wearing a mask, the shell of your former self. Being everything you think other people want you to be and in that process you’ve lost yourself.
You’ve lived this long you don’t even KNOW WHO YOU ARE and don’t know who you would BE without it.
You bury your dreams, your goals, and give up on that possibility that it could ever be any DIFFERENT. The ED is what is blocking you from fulfilling your highest potential in this life.
You’ve tried SO many times to change. Every fucking time you start to make major changes you think, “It’s TOO SCARY, it’s TOO HARD!!”
“Besides, I don’t know if its even fucking POSSIBLE!!!”
Right? How many times have these patterns and cycles played out in your life?
I can completely relate… I know EXACTLY what you’re going through because I fucking LIVED IT for SO MANY YEARS of my life. I held myself back.
I succumbed to the eating disorder voices.
I played this cycle out over and over again, hating myself, beating myself up because underneath it all, I DIDN’T FEEL GOOD ENOUGH.
I was trying to gain acceptance and approval and love from others.
I desperately wanted to FEEL GOOD ENOUGH.
I wanted to feel like I BELONGED.
I didn’t want to feel lost, broken and alone anymore.
I wanted to be FREE!
I wanted to be ME!!
AND I had NO idea HOW to do that.
Every single time I would make some progress, something would happen where I would fall back into the old ED and addictive patterns.
I let it RULE me and CONTROL my every move because I didn’t feel like I was strong enough, I didn’t believe in myself and I really didn’t even know if it was possible.
I thought I needed it.
But eventually I got to a point where I started to get ANGRY. I started to get really fucking PISSED — not at myself, but rather, I got ANGRY at my situation.
WHY THE FUCK COULD I NOT CHANGE??? I even had an inpatient hospital director tell me I would NEVER change.
That I would DIE from this.
“FUCK THAT!!!” I said to myself. And I VOWED back then to FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.
And I DID.
I had to fucking fight HARD in the beginning.
I didn’t want to change. I didn’t want to let it go.
I was TERRIFED!!!
I never gave up.
7 years later here I am FULLY RECOVERED AND FREE and LIVING THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS!!
As soon as I realized I was recovered, I thought “I HAVE to share this with others!! Women need to KNOW HOW to do this!”
This is not rocket science. It is also not a magic pill.
It’s VERY SIMPLE.
I began teaching women this formula, my step by step process on how to break FREE from your ED back in 2011 and began to get MIRACULOUS results.
Women’s lives were changing before my eyes!! It was amazing to me that all I had to do was share this simple process and they were growing, learning, challenging themselves and most importantly— THEY OVERCAME.
They fully recovered.
And YOU can do this too!!!
I’m no different or more special. I’ve been where you’ve been. I know how hard it is to struggle, to be caught up in the eating disorder behaviors, thoughts and overwhelming feelings.
It’s not fucking easy.
But is IS possible.
And I’m here to show you exactly how.
All you have to do is follow the plan to get results.
You have big dreams, right?
You want to love yourself and discover who you are without the ED?
You want to have an amazing relationship with food and become an intuitive eater?
You want to learn to love and accept your body and treat it like the sacred temple that it is?
You want to pursue your PASSION, your PURPOSE and BECOME THE WOMAN YOU ARE MEANT TO BECOME?
You want to BREAK FREE and LIFE A LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS??
YAYYYYY!!! YES, let’s do this together.
But first, you need to make a DECISION as to what you WANT.
Do you want to sit around continuing to let the ED rule and control your life?
Or are you READY to step up and make a CHOICE to break FREE?
YOU are the only one that can make that decision for yourself.
Freedom is within reach for ANYONE who wants it bad enough and commits to making it happen, no matter what.
And I’m here to show you HOW to do it.
You have to CHOOSE life. You have to CHOOSE recovery. And most importantly, you have to CHOOSE YOU.
Because you are SO important. You are SO worthy and deserving.
You DESERVE to give this great gift of recovery to yourself.
Your future self will thank you!!
And when that day comes when you wake up GRATEFUL… you wake up with a PEACE and JOY in your heart, knowing that you followed your gut, you followed your intuition and took the steps you needed to recover.
To heal. To overcome.
You arrive at a place where you are finally FREE!!
Freed from the ED burden, the overanalyzing, the insecurities, the deep seated fears, depression, low self esteem, anxieties and distrust of life.
You are no longer weighed down by the weight of the world, not stressed, not obsessed or worried about life or body or food…
Rather you now finally feel EMPOWERED, LOVING and JOYFUL.
You are CONFIDENT and KNOW WHO YOU ARE. There is lightness in your step.
You realize you are completely FREE and you start crying tears of joy because you didn’t even realize that you could feel this GOOD!!
You LOVE YOURSELF SO MUCH and you are finally HAPPY and that feels SO FUCKING GOOD on a deeper soul level.
There is fulfillment in deeper, richer things in life. You are using your energy in a way that serves you and the world as the Highest Version of yourself.
You no longer need a crutch.
You are who you are. And that is totally okay.
You accept yourself, you accept life.
You aren’t trying to fix it or change it in any way.
You KNOW that you are PERFECT exactly as you are.
And from this place you KNOW NOW that you can DO ANYTHING you put your mind, body and soul to!!!!
You begin to pursue your dreams and live a purpose driven life, one filled with everything you could ever dream of.
And it was all a result of making the CHOICE to do this work on yourself.
I have SO much to share with you. SO much has happened. SO much shit has come up for me, yet so much growth has come out of it.
I want to tell you a story…
It’s been a while since I’ve shared authentically with you.
Can I be honest?
The past six months for me have felt like a WILD roller coaster ride. As you know, in July last year I took a major LEAP OF FAITH and moved half way across the country to pursue my dreams and move my children and I to California.
It was probably the BEST decision I have EVER made but with every major change in life, this just happened to be the CATALYST for a major BREAKDOWN in my life.
I had to LET GO of WHO I WAS in order to step into the WOMAN I AM MEANT TO BECOME.
I had to EVOLVE into a higher level of consciousness in order to PLAY BIGGER in my life, my relationships and in my business.
There were so many days where all I was focusing on was just the here and now. It has felt like
I have been hanging on by a thread some days, with all the balls up in the air and not sure if I am going to drop one or all of them.
It has been a wild fucking ride, and I have grown SO MUCH.
A few months ago I realized how much of these parts of my journey I have been hiding. Not showing up. Not wanting to share authentically of my journey, my growth, my transformation with you. Until now!!
It may be because it felt as though it was unacceptable for me to be experiencing what I was experiencing.
As far along as I get in my life, and as much as I have grown, it humbles me to know there is still so much further along to go.
The journey of growth, of awakening and empowerment is a life long quest; it is not something that is a one-and-done, or a quick-fix, and in fact it is dangerous if we believe that to be so.
But rather it is a journey, an evolution along our path of whatever it is that we need to learn at that time.
The past year has been the next “level up” in my evolution, and I didn’t even realize it until now. Until I’ve come out the other side, bloodied and bruised, lessons in hand, ready to pass on to the next ones in line, to you brave and courageous warriors who are ready to accept this mission.
I have been on this growth path for many years, specifically it was 10+ years ago that I began working on myself, 7 years ago that I recovered fully from my ED and 6 years ago that I started this business.
From the very beginning, I had set my goals for what I wanted: My goal was to be a stay-at-home-mom running my own 6 figure lifestyle business, where I could make my own schedule and be my own boss while also being able to raise my children the way I want to.
I wanted to live in California, and I wanted to be in love with an amazing man, in a fulfilling relationship that would allow me to grow and serve as a powerful example to my children growing up.
I wanted a happy family, to live abundantly pursuing my purpose and passion, to be healthy, happy, wealthy and wise surrounded by a supportive and loving community connected to conscious entrepreneurs and close friends.
With these goals came lofty ambitions. I set these goals EVERY year for myself. FINALLY it would be the year when they came true. And every year I would take steps towards creating and manifesting those results in my life.
Things have changed dramatically since becoming a conscious co-creator of my own life.
In the last six years I have moved seven different times in three different states. I divorced the father of my two children, endured the spiritual turmoil associated with loss after being together with him for 7 years. I came to the sobering truth and faced much anger, sorrow and sadness of what that meant for my family moving forward as a single mom and sole provider for my two little children.
I also majorly had to work on my abundance and money mindset, I learned SO much about leading women, running a heart-centered business and coaching practice, about perseverance, doing the work and showing up no matter what.
At one point a few years ago I even had to go back to work to fund my business and was working 12-14 hour days so that I could get to the point where I could build my business and serve you all from a place of abundance, not scarcity or lack. I got a “real” job and built my coaching business on the side so that I could show up and serve my clients from a place of love and service, never from a place of needing to ‘get’ anything from that— but rather from a genuine desire to serve, detached from any outcome or receiving money from those interactions.
Of course it did provide, but it didn’t come all at once. It didn’t come quickly, but over time as I shifted and changed myself from the inside out, the external results showed up.
For that is what this journey is really about— our INNER journey. Our inner experience towards creating what we want, and the external results is simply the by-product of doing the internal work. The internal shifts produce the external changes.
Back to my story, so I have set all of these amazing goals for myself and have been working diligently creating them and going after them for so many years. I have invested thousands and thousands of dollars into training programs, coaches, into my own personal development over the years to transform into the woman I wanted to become.
Last year in 2016 is when finally the result of all of my transformative work really MANIFESTED in a very POWERFUL way.
I got EVERYTHING that I wanted.
I CREATED it.
EVERYTHING I had been setting intentions around— soulmate clients, a powerful abundant business model, FINALLY taking the leap and moving to California by the beach, stepping up my health and fitness goals, being able to travel and invest in world-class trainings, attracting the amazing partner and relationship I was desiring, my happy family life with their dad involved in my children’s lives again, the community and connections with like-minded conscious entrepreneurs, the 6 figure lifestyle business.
I. got. it. all.
Holy shit, I am so fucking grateful for that!!! It blows my mind the POWER of perseverance, of intention and goal-setting and one pointed focus on what we want.
I proved to myself YET AGAIN that we can create and have ANYTHING we want in our lives.
When I recovered from my eating disorder I thought, “OMG…if I can do THIS, I can do ANYTHING.”
And I have.
Most things I put my mind to — I do. I create. I become.
I am a powerful manifestor. There is great power is utilizing the Universal powers to creating and attracting what we want in our lives.
But here’s the kicker— I created all of these things and I realized that I got everything I have ever wanted that I had been setting goals around for the first 31 years of my life.
I was a “success” in my own personal definition of the word, yet I didn’t FEEL it.
I realized that phase of my life was OVER… BUT I had NO CLUE what was to come next.
Moving to California last year— upleveling my life in this way REALLY threw me for a loop. Everything I had been working for in my life was to allow me to move back here, to provide an amazing life for my children, and to have the lifestyle, health, fitness, relationships and community that I really wanted.
I thought that it would make me HAPPY.
When in actuality, it didn’t.
I was working so hard to create this DREAM life for myself and my family, and at some point the pressure of it all felt too much. I moved here and thought that it would be some kind of magic pill, and everything would suddenly work out.
And it didn’t.
I was MORE stressed, MORE overworked, and I felt like I just wanted to GIVE UP.
I felt alone in what I was going through, I wasn’t “supposed” to feel this way because of how far I’ve come and now I was judging myself for feeling lost, for feeling confused as to what I wanted in my life.
At that time, I was focused more on the external results rather than the internal results I wanted.
I hit a low point at the end of last year and early this year in 2017. I kept thinking to myself “what’s next?” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I felt lost, confused and everything that has happened over the past 6 years came rushing back to me.
I began experiencing so much grief, loss, pain and confusion. ALL of the emotional baggage from the past 6 years began to come up to be processed through.
I was grieving the loss of my former self.
I couldn’t go back. I either had to go through my shit or make a decision to stay stuck. I was being called to more– but before I could do that I really had to go within.
My SOUL needed to be STRIPPED BARE, RAW, OPEN and VULNERABLE in order to be ready to RECEIVE the next GREATEST VISION for my life. But I couldn’t do that without having a major BREAKDOWN before the BREAKTHROUGH.
I haven’t experienced the depths of the pain and suffering like this since I recovered from my eating disorder.
On top of feeling all of these emotions, I also was judging myself for actually going through this again! As if it wasn’t bad enough (lol), I was feeling annoyed and mad at myself for feeling the pain, the grief, the sadness, the loss of my old life and former self.
We ALL go through this.
In modern society we tend to think this is a “bad” thing. That we shouldn’t feel this way. That we need to medicate and hide it and be ashamed for feeling this way.
When in fact it is something to be CELEBRATED and EMBRACED as a CRUCIAL part of our journey, the HERO’S journey, our journey of GROWTH along the path.
In our personal evolution this is typically known as a dark night of the soul. We begin to question our own existence, the purpose of life and what we are here for. This was one of those times for me.
It was amazing though to go through such a transformative growth process with such awareness and consciousness of what was actually happening.
It was really quite powerful to go through it totally unattached to it— to FEEL it, to go INTO it, to know that something AMAZING was about to happen as a result— that I just need to go THROUGH it to come out the other side.
Going through all of this has taught me many valuable lessons, and I am so grateful to finally be on the other side of it. I had a Divine Download come through me at the end of 2016 with a message sharing that the last cycle of growth that I had been on, this phase of my evolution had come to a completion.
It was now time for me to say GOODBYE to my old self and move on to a GREATER, HIGHER, more POWERFUL version of myself.
I have to say, I resisted this for a while before truly stepping out and releasing my new self to the world!!
I am sure you have seen some of my new branding, new videos, photos and articles recently released!! I had been putting it off, denying myself expression in a public space and instead privately going through the emotional processing that I needed to do on myself in order to evolve and step up to the next greatest version of myself.
I am so utterly grateful for ALL that has happened.
My life has completely transformed AGAIN. THIS is what makes me happy. I am happy. I am grateful. I am fulfilled. I FUCKING LOVE MY LIFE SOOOO MUCH AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am finally ready to BECOME and EMBODY the woman I am meant to become (at least this version right now, hehe!!)
What that is you might ask? You will find out SOON— more to come on what’s next in my journey and what I’m ready to UNLEASH into the world, so stay tuned!!
What I WILL share is that I am now committed to showing up. I have been selfish in not sharing my message. I have not been valuing my contribution, and have been judging what I have to offer the world. I am no longer going to hold myself back — I HAVE SO MUCH TO SHARE.
I AM READY TO UNLEASH my creative power into the world— are you ready, beautiful soul??
I have never before felt so ALIVE, so LIT UP and so EXCITED around what I am creating!!!
I am stepping up into becoming the leader I know I was born to be, and I am committed to showing up and serving you in the best way I can. This is my destiny and my purpose and what makes me feel MOST ALIVE.
I want you to know that I will be sharing MUCH more with you.
I am REALLY ONLY HERE to serve my SOULMATE clients who GET IT, my SOULMATE TRIBE of BEAUTIFUL SOULS, RECOVERY WARRIORS and LIGHTWORKERS who are ready to STEP UP, BREAK FREE AND CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE!!!
Those who are READY to HEAR MY MESSAGE, as RAW, UNFILTERED and MESSY as it is!!!
I am pulling back the curtains and am going to share with you EVERYTHING I KNOW— EVERYTHING I’ve created, ALL my juicy secrets to FREEDOM, EMPOWERMENT, SUCCESS, FULFILLMENT, ABUNDANCE, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, SPIRITUALITY, INTUITION and CREATIVE EXPRESSION in the world. BECOMING a POWERFUL WOMAN, OWNING WHO YOU ARE and what the fuck you are really MEANT to do here in this world.
I’m ready to spill my guts and share all my juicy secrets— and it’s going to be WILD and unfiltered at times.
SERIOUSLY I CAN’T HOLD MYSELF BACK ANYMORE.
You might not be ready to hear it. And if you’re not it’s totally okay.
Come back when you’re ready to really step up and be a part of this amazing Sacred Healing Community of women who are sick and tired of living a soul-sucking life. Who are ready to really step up into their light, their power, their greatness and let go of all that is no longer serving them.
Today, I invite you to consider your own personal evolutionary journey and ask yourself, what are you resisting? Might you be going through something similar in your own life, in your own way, at the level you are playing at in your own life? What areas in your life are you ready to PLAY BIG? What are you ready to step into?
Life is not meant to be a struggle.
When I go through these times I am ALWAYS affirming to myself that it is for a reason.
That I have to challenge myself to stay with it— so that I can come out the other side— WISER, HAPPIER, STRONGER and MORE SELF-AWARE and CONSCIOUS than ever before.
You are no different.
Are you ready to PLAY BIG?
It’s time to STEP UP beautiful soul. GET READY!!!!
I am SO GRATEFUL for your presence here. Thank you for letting me share my path with you.
Thank you for being here and allowing me to guide you along this beautiful, wild and transformative journey.
I know it is not easy, but I promise IT IS WORTH IT.
If I can do it, SO CAN YOU.
Would love to have you hit “reply” and let me know your thoughts and feelings around what I shared!!!
Sending so much love and healing energy to you today and every day beautiful soul!!!
In light + love,
P.S. If you haven’t joined the Freedom Challenge 2.0 now is your opportunity to do so and join our Sacred Healing Community!! Click here to sign up now and join 1000+ beautiful souls on this transformative journey towards breaking FREE and creating a life you LOVE!!
This is a topic that I don’t find many people talking about and that absolutely needs clarified, as we all have a different meaning of what “recovered” means to us.
What does being recovered ACTUALLY mean?
From good old Google, recover means 1. “to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength” 2. “find or regain possession of (something stolen or lost)”
But what if you never had it to begin with?
Many women I work with can’t even remember what it was like before they had the eating disorder. So how can we return or find what has been lost if we didn’t have it in the first place?
It tends to be deceiving especially when many doctors and treatment centers will look at you from the outside to define being “recovered”— Well, as long as she LOOKS okay on the outside, has the “right” weight, isn’t using the behaviors then she is recovered…*
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
I’ve worked with so many people who maybe even haven’t used the behaviors in years, but they STILL STRUGGLE— emotionally, mentally, spiritually— on an internal level that you can’t actually see from the outside.
Because Eating Disorders are NOT ABOUT THE FOOD.
The food is actually just the external symptom— the last line of resort that we take to deal with what is actually going on inside.
What they are really about is HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF.
There is a lack of self-love, there is low or no self-esteem, self-worth.
You have so much emotional baggage, hurts and wounds.
You don’t know who you are.
You don’t know what your purpose is.
You aren’t fulfilling your highest potential.
You aren’t believing in yourself.
You don’t know who you would be without the eating disorder, and it scares you to think about what life would be like without the comfort and safety of the eating disorder.
These are the things that I find are at the core of why we struggle— and continue to struggle— for many years, for some, even a LIFETIME.
So what if we REDEFINED what recovery ACTUALLY MEANS to YOU?
It would be recovering your sense of self.
Regaining a sense of power, purpose, passion and alignment.
Feeling good about yourself, believing in yourself and OWNING who you are underneath it all.
It would mean that you would have to FEEL your FEELINGS and regain a sense of SECURITY and STABILITY within yourself.
It would mean finding the LOVE within yourself and learning how to become your own best friend again, or sometimes for the first time.
These are the gifts of recovery and what make this journey such an amazing and beautiful process.
It doesn’t mean just to *stop* using the eating disorder behaviors— because damn, how boring would that be?!
It really means re-defining your LIFE and what you want to CREATE from this point forward in your life!
You can create your life any way you want it.
YOU get to decide who you want to BE, what you want to HAVE, what you want to DO in your life.
Regardless of what has happened to you in the past.
There’s nothing that can’t be undone.
There’s no limits when it comes to dreaming BIG.
Will it test you?
Will you have to let go of some deep underlying limiting beliefs about yourself and the world?
But that is the challenge!! That is the reward. To do the impossible. To do what most people don’t believe can be done.
I don’t know about you, but I am a super high-achiever. I want the best. I want to be the best.
When I was going through recovery, I was told that I wasn’t going to make it. That I was going to die.
I told those doctors to FUCK OFF.
You can’t define my LIFE like that!
FUCK YOU and your fucking DIAGNOSIS.
I will NOT settle. I will NOT back down.
I WILL prevail.
And I did.
I fought that motherfucker of a disease for many years.
Bulimia, Anorexia, the drug addiction.
The demons that felt like they lived inside.
Insidious, evil, cruel voices inside my head.
They told me to punish myself.
They told me to harm and hurt myself.
And I did for so many years.
I never knew any differently.
That is why when I got into recovery I rejected any and all definitions of “recovery” that were out there.
I didn’t want to settle for having to struggle and manage this shit for the rest of my life.
I am an extreme person, I admit. Sometimes I can be a bit black and white when it comes to certain things. In recovery, it really didn’t serve me well when I believed it was all or nothing, when the rules were super extreme and limiting me and holding me back.
However I turned that shit around and told myself that I would become the HAPPIEST person out there. The person who RECOVERED the BEST. I would become the BEST at LOVING THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF.
This type of mindset really helped!! I used what was once a negative trait and turned it into a positive one.
This was the beginning of my own PERSONAL DEFINITION of what RECOVERY ACTUALLY IS.
To me it meant—
LOVING MYSELF FULLY. 100% being on my own side, becoming my own best friend with the way I treated myself with my actions, thoughts, and words.
SHOWING UP FOR MYSELF always. Supporting myself, being my own best friend, supporter, and encouraging myself when things got tough.
DOING EVERYTHING IN RECOVERY AS AN ACT OF SELF LOVE FOR MYSELF. If I did anything in my recovery I HAD to make sure it was LOVING to myself. Even if it was hard. Even if it was scary and I would have a panic attack doing it, I did because it made sense, because I wanted to learn to love myself with everything I did.
FACING MY FEARS. Going through the hard shit. Shaking, sweaty, heart racing, mind racing, scared shitless, and continuing to put one foot in front of the other.
FEELING MY FEELINGS. Facing my traumas, my deep emotional wounds, hurts and baggage. Processing through these things so that I could let it go and be free. Holding on to negative emotions is a great way to stay chained to the past. In order to really move forward, I needed to accept and forgive my past. And with that came really FEELING and reminding myself every single day that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
BUILDING UP MY SELF WORTH AND SELF ESTEEM. I can’t even tell you how many times I said to myself over the years, “I AM ENOUGH. I AM WORTHY AND DESERVING.” These are things that we need to tell ourselves often, and also take the actions to back up the development and growth of healthy self esteem and self worth.
This does not mean being selfish or narcissistic, it really is about knowing that you are enough exactly as you are, you don’t need to change yourself to gain value or worth. That you don’t need to lose weight or gain weight in order to feel good enough RIGHT NOW. That you are WORTHY of all of the good things in life, you are worthy of happiness, of life, of love, of wealth, of self expression just for being ALIVE. You are enough and worthy just because YOU EXIST.
BELIEVING AND HAVING FAITH IN MYSELF. When I didn’t believe it was possible for me to recover, I didn’t. When I started to believe I could, I did. It’s as simple as that. Whether you believe you can or can’t, that will determine your outcome. Faith is also about believing in what you cannot see just yet. I didn’t know what this new life without the eating disorder would look like— but I had faith in its goodness. I was afraid that I still wouldn’t like myself, or that this new life would beat me down and I wouldn’t have anything to comfort myself or make me feel safe. But I had faith that I would find other ways. I believed in myself and my life and the people that loved me at the time. I knew that I just needed to keep going and be grounded in the wisdom of uncertainty, knowing that holding the vision and putting one foot in front of the other would bring me exactly what I desired.
DOING THE WORK. This is something that many women resist, and I can understand why. I work with women that are totally willing to do ALL OF THE ABOVE, but when it comes to actually DOING THE WORK— it’s like, “OH SHIT FUCK THAT, I’M NOT READY!!!” Yep. I know you can relate. Here’s the truth— you’re never going to feel ready. You’re never going to *want* to do it fully. The Resistance is strong. This is why you just need to start NOW. Put one foot in front of the other. Take one baby step TODAY. This is your LIFE and it begins at the end of your comfort zone. I know it is scary but it is what will ultimately bring you what you desire!!
NEVER GIVING UP. This is about creating a new lifestyle for yourself and becoming the woman you are meant to become, rather than thinking recovery is something you “DO” then you stop. You never stop. You will have to do this—and when I say that I really mean GROW— the rest of your life, so quit complaining about it and get on with it. I never said it would be easy, but I promise it is WORTH IT. Anything in life that is worth having you are going to have to work your ass off for it, stay consistent and committed to it and never give up.
BUILDING HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS. Connecting with others through this process is SO IMPORTANT and one that will carry you on when you don’t feel like you can carry on yourself. This means learning how to be inter-dependent, how to ask others for what you need, set boundaries with people and share yourself and what you are going through with them. Shannon Cutts says that “Relationships Replace Eating Disorders” and I found a lot of truth in this.
BEING AUTHENTIC WITH MYSELF AND OTHERS. Authenticity is a natural result of this process. It means stopping hiding who you are and unleashing the TRUE YOU!! Who would you be if you stopped holding yourself back? If you really expressed what you truly felt on the inside? I can guarantee you would show up completely different in your life.
This can be really scary and can bring up many fears of being rejected, criticized or judged, however its important to remember that most of the time when we share authentically people actually FEEL CLOSER to us. Crazy, I know, right?! Who would have thought that being ourselves would create deeper levels of connection in our lives!! I learned how to be authentic with knowing how I felt and being able to express that with others was one of the most FREEING things in recovery.
There are many more things that I did in recovery to REDEFINE what it meant to me, and I could go on and on about each one of these topics. But for me what was important to remember was that most of these were NEW skills that I needed to develop. I wasn’t recovering or going back to anything that I had in the past.
That is so important for you to remember as you move forward— that we don’t want to revert or “go back” to how it used to be.
But rather to GROW, to LEARN, to EVOLVE along this journey.
It is a process of EVOLUTION and stretching yourself into the Highest Version of yourself.
THAT is what RECOVERY means to me.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?
Let me know what your new definition is, beautiful soul!!
I know you can do this.
I believe in you.
I know the road is long, but you are worthy. You are deserving.
Sending so much love and healing energy your way!!
In light + love,
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