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Today, I’m becoming the future version of me.
When it comes to you, what I get is what I see.
Stuck in your ways, you act so selfishly.
I put too much trust in who you can be.
Invested emotions, patience and energy.
You created an illusion that enveloped me.
You knew what to say. 
To get me to stay.

I gave and you received.
I believed and you deceived.
My heart’s battery is running low.
Where’s my John Doe?
I want to find someone great.
Why is he so late?
Love is a battlefield and I chose to fight.
You said many things to sound right.
Yet, it felt so wrong.
You thought you can string me along.
I’ll move on, as I always do.
Because I’m just not that into you.



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Braces won’t fix that crooked smile.
My hurt will not reach your heart.
My tears will not soften you up.
You just don’t care enough.
But I care.

You’ll find another excuse to justify.
You’ll assume that I’ll give you another try.
It may be hard, will not lie.
Yet, I say no to you.
I deserve what you’ll never give me.
And will find someone who cares.
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Imagine if I could turn all the hate I have for you into love for someone else. 
How beautiful would that be?
Or, if I let go of the pain
And filled my life with joy.
As bad as you were, I’ll find someone just as good.
As much as you took me for granted, I’ll find someone who cherishes me just as much. 
As selfish as you were, I’ll find someone just as selfless.
As much as you held me back, I’ll find someone who pushes me forward.
So much so that you will become a distant memory.
Imagine how great that would be.
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I miss the way you smiled at me.
Oh, how smiles can be fake.
I miss the way you touched me.
Oh, how your touch will repulse me.
I miss your sense of adventurousness.
Oh, how you will disrespect my boundaries.
I miss your mysteriousness.
Oh, how I will confound it with rigidity.
I miss your encouraging words.
Oh, how they will cut me like a knife.
I miss how you were always there.
Oh, how you will disappear into thin air.
I thought I will miss having you near me.
Oh, how one day you will be far from my heart.
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Livin’ in confusion.
My dreams a mere illusion.
Dilemmas I face.
Tryin’ to go at my pace.
But life feels like a race.
Decisions I must make.
Risks I must take.
I try to be diligent.
No room for relinquishment.

Don’t wanna make a habit of the pain.
Must get rid of the stress and the strain.
Can’t deal with boys’ immaturity.
And their hearts’ rigidity.
Yet, their negativity
Ain’t goin’ to affect me.
They might cut me once,
Twice but not thrice.
That time in my life is gone.
I am strong. I move on.

Don’t tell me to stay optimistic,
When my emotions are goin’ ballistic.
What I need is direction.
But all I’m feeling is abjection.
All I ask for is peace at heart.
Better experiences, a fresh start.
I ask for clarity, stability and prosperity.
And for my heart, mind and soul to be in unity.
My dreams of success and love a reality.





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The tears I cry over you are temporary.
In the morning, my pillowcase will be dry.
Tears of pain that I know all too well.
I’ve been disappointed many times.
That won’t stop me from believing in others.
It only takes one person who is right for me.
Who will love me and care.

You think I’m too emotional.
I think you’re too toxic.
You think I’m too negative.
I think you’re too insensitive.
Now I know how little I matter to you.
Now I know that it’s time to move on.
Your loss will be for you to regret.
You said what you said.
You did what you did.
You are who you are.
I can do better.

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I have been told by men to live in the moment.
To do so seems almost impossible to me because of my future-oriented mindset.
Yet, (almost) every person that comes into our life, has a lesson to teach us.
So I wonder, what is the lesson to be learned here?
Will living in the moment bring me greater happiness?
My heart is heavy with the pain of my past and my lungs are filled with toxins.
I try to reduce the swarm of thoughts and emotions and just focus on the now.
Yet, it’s difficult to practice mindfulness, when my mind is always on auto-pilot.

I can’t seem to keep my mind from running a million miles an hour.
Thinking about the future gives me comfort.
It helps me manage my anxiety, through preparation.
It helps me escape my uncertainties of the present.
And gives me hope that I can mold my future.
I fantasize about a future that makes up for my past.
But my fantasies take me away from real life moments.
My fantasies are momentarily pleasant but sometimes turn into expectations.
Expectations sometimes lead to disappointment.
And disappointment to unhappiness.

I don’t know what my future holds.
When will I get married? When will I have children? Will I have a satisfying job? Will I live a good life?
I obsess about it but I don’t want to.
I don’t want to live as if there’s no tomorrow because if I do I will have nothing left.
I don’t want to live as if only tomorrow exists because if I do I will never actually get to live.
I just hope to find some moments where the future doesn’t exist so I can experience life’s beauties.
My future will be brighter, if I make the best of the present.
Yet, my present will not be brighter, if I only live for the future.
I regret always allowing my guilt to pull me away from present moments. 
I regret living life, without really thinking and really feeling.
Or, thinking too much and feeling too much.
I just want to be mindful, grateful and happy.











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