Halloween holds its own terrifying turn for singles; not only is it a time to dress up in fancy dress, daters know it is the official start of Cuffing Season!
Whilst kids don their capes and fangs, and freshers take the Mean Girls cue, singletons go on the prowl for a partner who can weather the winter months with them. Here at DDM we are dedicated to establishing long term relationships.
Cuffing season can be the perfect entry for daters to get themselves into a long term relationship. However, beware! There are plenty of unscrupulous types out there who use cuffing season for cuffing season’s sake. As matchmakers we are lovers of long-term relationships. So we are here to ensure that instead of falling for a “seasonal cuffer” you identify and keep a suitable partner who is just as serious about a monogamous relationship as you are.
SO! Fear not! Follow our handy guide below in order to de-mask a seasonal cuffer, before things get too hair-raising…
1. The summer snaps of a seasonal cuffer tell you all you need to know about their cuffing abilities. A cuffer wants a partner to keep them warm through the winter nights; summer’s a different story. Scroll back through their summer snaps. If they’re full of countless nights on the town and wild festivals without a partner in sight, then that’s not a new leaf they’re turning over… it’s a cuff!
2. You met them earlier in the year and they’re only now emerging from the woodwork. Where have they been over the long, warm, summer months? Chances are they have been playing the field and having fun. Nothing wrong with fun, but might not be the best sign of someone looking to commit to you, now. Alarm bells should be ringing. If their ‘long time no speak’ text comes as you’re dusting off your winter coat then you need to grab your coat and run.
3. You seem to spend all of your time Netflix + warming up. If they’re hesitant to roam the Christmas markets with you, and meet your friends for a mulled wine or parade you proudly at restaurants and events then you might just be a winter blanket. If you’re spending more time in your PJs than listening to DJ’s then it might be time to reassess.
4. It’s all moving at 100mph. Slow things down. If someone comes crashing into your life like a hurricane and sweeps you off your feet, then they sometimes leave you just as fast… leaving chaos in their wake. Relationships often burn out if they go full throttle. Don’t forget, the brightest light burns the fastest. Not a sure-fire way to know you have a Cuffer, but a good piece of advice to follow no matter when or who you are dating…
5. You spend more time ‘cuddling’ than conversing. Cuddlers are notorious cuffers; this could just be someone who needs somebody to touch and feel during the cold months.
6. They have a wandering eye. They could be looking for the real deal, and unfortunately the real deal might not be you! Pay attention to the attention they are giving you, as well as the attention they are giving other people. Don’t put too much pressure on at the beginning though – this scares off women as much as it does men. But a few weeks into a new relationship, it is best to keep your eyes wide open.
7. You’re the plus one to their Christmas do’s and NYE plans are in motion, but your plans don’t seem to extend past February. That’s because…
8. Valentine’s day = D-day! Cuffing season officially ends on the 13th February. Winter is over and Valentine’s day is just a little bit too serious! You have been a lovely winter comfort blanket and, having survived winter in your warm embrace, your former partner is set to break off those chains, ready for another summer of fun.
Keep a look out for these tell-tale signs and leave the cuffers to find one another. In the meantime, focus on finding someone who is in if for the long haul. Over family holidays and the new year there is a natural incline in the number of people looking for serious, long term relationships. They are out there… just leave the handcuffs at home.
Thus begins the opening lines of a statement from actor Rebecca Humphries, whose partner of 5 five years, Seann Walsh, was caught by the British media committing an infidelity with his fellow Strictly Come Dancing partner Katya Jones…in public… on Rebecca’s birthday.
Rebecca chose her words carefully and deliberately; and when you read what follows they become all the more powerful. In a nutshell – she was abused – emotionally abused. Her alleged abuser called her ‘psycho’, ‘nuts’ and ‘mental’ when she questioned his inappropriate behaviour. This constitutes emotional abuse by a partner she loved.
In Rebecca’s statement, she refuses to identify as a victim. Instead, she uses her words to inspire other women and men to identify the emotional abusers in their lives.
There is a term in dating, clinical research and research literature for this kind of behaviour: it is ‘gaslighting’. This is a type of psychological manipulation designed to ensure that your target, the target of your ‘gaslighting’, doubts themselves. It makes them question their instincts, their view on the world and sometimes their own sanity. The words that she claims he used, along with the lying and deceit that we know about, are classic ‘gaslighting’ techniques. Worth noting is that the usual peddlers of ‘gaslighting’ are typically psychopaths and narcissists.
We are also told that while Seann and Katya were “incredibly good” and put out a media statement apologising for their actions, neither of them have bothered to speak to Rebecca. Their subsequent silence with her is deafening.
She is not a victim, but in the same way that Seann callously flirted with and snogged another woman, on his girlfriend’s birthday, becoming a media firestorm, Rebecca Humphries came out with a simple, succinct, black and white statement that will quite rightly have career and life-altering effects on him. Rebecca spoke her truth. So, this has gone from being a situation (see Gillian’s initial poll asking whether the kiss constituted betrayal) as depicted by him, as a loving partner who found themselves in a one-off drunken moment, to an alleged abuser with a pattern of abusive behaviour.
I cannot see a way in which he can continue on Strictly Come Dancing and it wouldn’t surprise me if he puts out a statement to say he has to drop out for personal reasons to “re-build” his life or his relationship, or to work on his demons. But! Having failed to contact his ex-girlfriend, or take the time to explain his actions, and vitally apologise to her, this is career ending stuff. Interestingly, in a recent poll that CEO Gillian McCallum carried out 43% of voters thought that Seann should continue on the show.
In Scotland, this kind of abusive, manipulative name calling behaviour, is quite rightly illegal, and can result in a prison sentence. Rebecca urges other women (and I would caution, other men) who are in abusive relationships to take a stance on this name calling, ‘gaslighting’ and bullying and take the bold step of sharing the truth of the relationship with friends and relatives.
And in one final, devastating blow and with a fabulously understated flourish, it becomes clear that Seann may be a professional comedian, but she is the one with the sense of humour; she’s taken Seann down… and is keeping the cat!
Now entering its 35th year, Drawing Down the Moon is one of the longest-running matchmaking firms in the UK. It has stayed in business so long by offering a trustworthy, values-driven service and providing caring support to every client seeking their assistance. The matchmakers specialize in pairing up compatible UK singles and facilitating long-term relationships. Around 75% of new clients join Drawing Down the Moon because they know a friend, colleague, or family member who has had success with the matchmakers. In the coming year, Drawing Down the Moon’s team plans to continue collaborating with dating professionals and setting the standard for how a world-class matchmaking firm operates.
Please click the link below to read the full article.
A day in the life of a Drawing Down the Moon matchmaker often starts long before I’ve even tasted my morning coffee, and today is no different. The day after a client date is always an exciting one. Although we don’t officially start until 10.00am, I wake around 6.30am and am in the office for around 9. This morning, as soon as I woke up, I wasted very little time in checking my emails in the hope of finding a message from my new client John with feedback on his first date which took place last night. My eagerness is rewarded; “Date was a great success!” he says, “we are a perfect match, so thank you and well done. Are you free for a call at midday?”
I haven’t checked my diary yet, but I would move heaven and earth to make myself available for this feedback call, and am pleased that I have no prior client engagements. I send a quick reply to John, and get ready to head to the office.
As I walk across Manchester Square I often think that there is nowhere in London better qualified to host Drawing Down the Moon than Marylebone. I climb the stairs of the beautiful townhouse we call home, and before I have even reached my desk am accosted by my fellow matchmakers with feedback on their own client dates from the night before. It would appear, I smile to myself, that I am not the only matchmaker who couldn’t wait until they got to the office to check on their client feedback.
After exchanging happy stories with my fellow matchmakers, the sound of the buzzer announces the arrival of our first client of the day. He is welcomed by Cait, who runs upstairs to fetch refreshments and warmly relates to us just how polite and charming he is, I can’t wait to head down to meet him.
In our meeting we cover his relationship history, his educational background, and delve into the most important parts – his values and outlook on life. I always love finding out how our happy singles found us, 75% do so through recommendation from a friend, relative or work colleague. We decide as a team whether or not we are able to support a client and take them on. I am certain that he is a catch, and am very pleased that the rest of the team are in agreement with me. Once back in the office it is time to deal with the flurry of feedback calls I missed during the course of my meeting. Talking, laughing and sharing in their joy, I happily pass two hours speaking with my clients as they regale me with tales of their most recent dates. All the while however, I cannot help but look forward with particular excitement to my call with John.
He certainly doesn’t disappoint me. “Without tempting fate, it couldn’t have gone better,” he enthuses, “the match was 100% spot on, and of every date I have been on in the last 15 years, Gwen is by far the most compatible. I can see why you matched us”
I cannot contain my happiness. Andrea, Gwen’s matchmaker, has abandoned her desk and is at my shoulder, desperate to hear what John has to say. We spend almost half an hour on the phone, and we end the call with the wonderful news that he has already set a date to meet again with Gwen in just a few days’ time.
I relate John’s side of the conversation to Andrea, who reaches immediately for the telephone to call Gwen. You can imagine our shared happiness at hearing John’s sentiments repeated by his match. The rest of my afternoon is spent interviewing other potential clients and matching with the team. We don’t use algorithms so all of our matching is done with our colleagues. I end the day by calling back my first client of the day to let him know that the team are keen to take him on and I am pleased to extend membership to him. With numerous dates set up for this evening, I take last minute calls from enthusiastic and excited clients who are looking for some last minute dating advice. As I leave the office, I make sure I leave my phone on, although I have a relaxing night ahead, I am hoping to receive more dating feedback before I drift off to sleep, nervously thinking through tonights dates, looking forward to waking up to brand new client feedback.
Very few careers allow you to potentially positively change peoples lives forever, and being a matchmaker at DDM allows me to do just that.
*Client names and some details have been changed to protect strict rules of client confidentiality
As the buzz of the royal wedding between Prince Harry and Megan Markle is being fluttered throughout the country, we at DDM have been thinking about how they first met. There has been much speculation over who it was that made the introduction. Word on the street is that it friend Violet von Westenholz was the matchmaker behind the successful match. The name doesn’t matter so much as the fact that a good friend took the time to make the introduction that would change two people’s lives forever.
For those of us who haven’t been blessed with a fairy godmother to introduce them to the prince of their dreams, here is the Drawing Down the Moon guide to meeting your very own Prince or Princess:
1 – Philanthropic work
Most Royals – both domestic and international – are patrons or founding members of their own charities. They understand the value not only of giving back but also enjoy focusing their energies on creating a better world for future generations to live in. In the UK The Queen is known for her charitable work and is patron of over 600 charities but the Duke of Edinburgh beats her with over 700! Prince Charles founded The Princes’ Trust which works hard to help young people into jobs and education.
2 – Succeed in your work
Members of Royal families often excel in their careers. Queen Maxima of The Netherlands was a banker in New York at an investment firm and Princess Charlene of Monaco was a competitive swimmer and competed in the Olympics. Princesses can come from all kinds of backgrounds, Grace Kelly most famously was a stunning and world famous actress before gaining her title in Monaco.
3 – A Prince may be hiding in plain sight
Members of Royal families no longer spend most of their time locked away in a gloomy remote castle. More than ever senior members of Royal households can be found at a huge variety of events and good causes. From polo, to clay pigeon shooting, the Olympics and everything in between. As is well known, Prince William met the future Duchess of Cambridge while they were both at St Andrews and we all know how well that turned out.
4 – Be Open and Flexible
No matter who you are dating it is always important to have an open heart and open mind. You cannot enter into arelationship with expectations of how you expect the other person to act, behave or “be”! It just isn’t feasible. First dates can be notoriously discomforting, and even if you take them in your stride, the other person might not. First dates are nerve racking. It takes a while for people to feel entirely comfortable around people they have just met. Be positive!
5 – The essence of dignity and grace
As we all know princes and princesses are poised and usually have bags of style. Even the young royals are not immune. Prince George’s outfits are often sold out within hours of them being spotted in the press. For many, many decades, beautiful brides have styled their wedding dresses on the royal wedding of their time. Meghan Markle’s dress is just the latest such example of style, sophistication, and a touch of Hollywood glamour.
The Golden Rule!
If you have tried all other avenues to find your Prince or Princess (to no avail – yet!) call Drawing Down the Moon so that we can get you matched with enchanting, well-educated and sophisticated Ms. Or Mr. Right! And as for Princes and Princesses? We are FAR too discrete to discuss those…
Jonathan, 68, a divorcee from Kent, has chosen a different route to romance, becoming a client of dating agency Drawing Down the Moon, instead of logging on to Tinder. But with four adult daughters – and a sensible approach to the practicalities of relationships – he has his sights firmly set on a woman his own age. “If you are with someone 20 years younger than you, they’ve probably got a different life experience,” he says. “Also, when you get to a certain age, you start to creak a bit at the seams. If you’re dating someone younger, there may well be a mismatch in your pace of life.”
According to Gillian McCallum, CEO of Drawing Down the Moon, Jonathan’s view is typical of the approach her clients take to dating. “The men might be attracted to women who are younger, but when they want a relationship, they want it with another adult,” she says. “Men are not coming to us and asking for a much younger model.
Finding the right age match is not the only challenge that men on today’s fast-paced, often cut-throat dating scene must contend with, however. As is so often evident from a show such as First Dates, many men struggle desperately when it comes to finding love.
“Older women are very good at keeping their female friendships, at networking and at keeping up with their favourite activities,” says Kurland. “Sometimes, older men lose the art of dating. They can become a bit isolated if they have been widowed or made redundant. I think it often comes down to confidence. Men aren’t always as good at talking about their feelings, but saying you’re lonely and want to meet someone is the first stage to finding a partner.”
Please click the link below to read the full article.
After months of rumours, Karen and Kevin Clifton have confirmed that they have decided to end their marriage. The pair have been professional and private partners for years, and have insisted they will continue to dance with each other, as they prepare to go on tour. But that’s always easier said than done, and Gillian McCallum, a matchmaker and dating expert, believes these two are fooling themselves if they feel this is a long-term solution. ‘It can seem like a good idea [to continue working together] but what’s tricky is usually, when a couple breaks up, one party wants it more than the other, and so one of the pairing may be thinking, “if we carry on dancing then maybe I can resurrect the relationship”,’ says Gillian, who is CEO of matchmaking service, Drawing Down The Moon. ‘They call it the curse of strictly, and why is that? It’s because dancing is so intimate, so physically close, and you spend so much time together, it’s sexy and erotic.’
‘Privately we are not together anymore but professionally we are stronger than ever before,’ said Kevin. ‘Dance is how we came together and is what glues us together. We’re still the best of friends – we still have a lot of love and respect for each other. What we’ve found is that since we’ve been honest with each other it’s unlocked our creativity.’ Karen added: ‘We have such strong chemistry and it’s about entertaining and inspiring. At the end of the day it’s about giving back to fans. We’re feeling very positive.’ But, says Gillian, ‘the part that puts the spanner in the works is when one of them finds someone else’.
‘While they are still single, it’s great – they’ll spend time together and the one who wants to be with the other gets to see them, dance with them and share experiences with them. It’s kind of like they’re still a couple,’ she suggests. ‘But the moment someone else comes in the equation, that is when this relationship will find themselves in trouble. It’s fine be to “adults” about it when you’re single but they’ll be completely undone when someone else comes on the scene’…
Please click the link below to read the full Metro article.
Drawing Down the Moon is featured in the new dating magazine “Dating” edited by top date coach James Preece.
Drawing Down the Moon are thrilled to be the featured Matchmakers in the first edition of the brand new magazine – Dating – edited by top UK Date Coach James Preece.
DDM Matchmaker Gillian McCallum is quoted as saying: “Women have always used matchmakers, but men are the ones that have really changed their perspectives. We have never had so many eligible men applying to work with us, and the real growth area is younger men”