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real bad pain day today. I’m starting to have back pain more consistently and I’m worried I’m gonna have 3 different flavors of chronic pain. driving my roommate to work then I’m gonna try more kratom / mmj and pass out on the couch. need something entertaining to watch but idk what that is. wish my gf didn’t have to work & could come lay around with me bc pain is b o r i n g.

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since my pain appt didn’t work out & I don’t really know what to do next, I’m making an amazon wishlist with some pain relief related stuff. so far I’ve got:

  • foam roller for my back
  • yoga mat for yoga & PT exercises
  • ice pack specifically for jaw pain
  • TMJ mouthguard
  • TENS unit
  • extra pillows
  • kratom
  • comfy underwear bc my weights changing and my stuff doesn’t fit / has holes in it
  • I just thought of it this second but I should add a shoulder massage thing

y’all have suggestions for anything else? I thought about adding some kind of topical something but idk what to try bc 1) I can’t do strong fragrances, 2) I have issues with adhesives, and 3) it would mostly be going on my head and face and I don’t want it to cause acne.

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had my appt with a new provider to try & get back on medication for my chronic pain. she’s not gonna treat me, said they’re about to taper all their patients off their meds too.

anyway, she recommended kratom so I’m giving it a try. took some last night & today but I’m not feeling anything…idk if it’s bc I’m flaring (it’s raining here) or bc I have a high tolerance to everything. if anyone has experience / tips I’d appreciate them!

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ultraviolet-techno-ecology:

Every “Why my disability didn’t stop me from living” article written can be summarized as having access to resources materially and socially. 

Which results in a fascinating intersection between ableism and classism, as the resulting inspiration porn - used against disabled folk via the “Why are you more impacted than this person in the article” - essentially boils down to shaming people for not having access to the resources required to mitigate the disability. 

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sapphic-pink-kryptonite:

[Broken up for accessibility]

It is 7:30am. I have been up since 5:00am from pain. I am very close to puking and doubling over. I am sitting upright, typing this, rocking in my chair, and kind of spacey, and I realised this is a common feeling for me but I don’t think it has a name. 

I’ve covered Chronic Illness terms before but I’ve never found a term for this concept, so I’m giving it one: 

Pain Delirium.

Not to make light of it, but in one meme,  

For a lack fo a better term, PD (ironically my initials) is when your body is in so much pain that mentally, you clock out. It’s simply too much to deal with, kind of like emotional trauma and PTSD. This is why chronic pain patients are often not taken seriously - “You’re still doing X, how much pain could you be in?”

If I fully registered my pain constantly, I would be unable to function. It is essentially an ongoing trauma to my body. 

Pain Delirium is when your brain has met your body’s breaking point.  

You’re exhausted, insufficiently medicated, and out of relief options. Your brain checks out because it can’t deal with the added stress of being in pain on top of the pain.

From my experience, PD is:

  • Gallows humour
  • Perceptual shut down - often found in both autistic people and abuse/trauma survivors
  • Brain fog (turned to max)
  • Rocking
  • Resignation
  • Silence
  • Brain on tipsy auto-pilot
  • Uncontrollable talking (often jumping concepts without realising)
  • Immobility and shutdown - after a certain point of pain, my body can’t handle everything at once, so it turns off nonessential systems such as vision, hand dexterity, coordination, and cognitive function. Think of it like a computer shutting down to update.
  • Great over/underestimation of my abilities - “I can do this this and this, totally fine,” then stand up and fall flat on my face. Or, in the other direction, “Getting up to brush my teeth, I could trip and break something. Too risky no move.” 
  • Giggly and stupid without warning

I’ve never seen this concept illustrated for spoonies, so I’m putting it out there. I really hope this helps you guys. Please reblog this for others who might need words to explain what’s happening. 

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voicehearer:

that I used the words “ego-syntonic” and “ego-dystonic” when talking to a psychiatrist was used as evidence by that psychiatrist that I was obviously faking, additionally, the fact that I have read and memorized various portions of the dsm was presented as evidence by a psychologist that I was obviously faking

this is an attitude I have commonly encountered amongst mh professionals, which is, If You Appear To Have Accessed The Forbidden Psychiatric Knowledge And You Are A Patient, That Is A Bad Sign

like I remember a psychiatrist who got mad at me for my explaining that if I was bipolar I had to be having a manic episode and not a hypomanic episode because my symptoms were, by the criteria in the dsm, definitively manic and not hypomanic

the same psychiatrist brushed it off when i explained that me stimming was not an ocd compulsion, because it did not meet any of the dsm criteria for being a compulsion, saying that “well, no one is ever a textbook case“

same psychiatrist again, said “excuse me, are you the doctor?” when i was genuinely trying to be helpful by suggesting a starting dosage for a med I had been on before

he was clearly very threatened by me knowing or indicating that I knew anything about Official Psychiatric Information, and this is, aside from being very frustrating, is completely fascinating to me

why is it a threat if I know psychiatric terminology? why is it a threat if I have read the dsm? why is a diagnosis only valid if the patient doesn’t have the faintest idea what it means and adamantly disagrees that they have it? (one example: I was dxed with bpd for the first time, had never heard the term and disagreed, saw a different psychiatrist who I told about the dx and the fact that I had googled it and now I was more receptive to the dx given that I had read more about it, and this psychiatrist told me I “shouldn’t self diagnose” and dxed me with bipolar instead. in this instance, me agreeing with the bpd dx instantly made it no longer applicable)

like there is very much a power thing in psychiatry where the ideal patient knows nothing about their diagnosis or medication beyond what they are told by a mh professional, agrees with whatever they are told, and then complies with no further question, complaint or disagreement

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cabbagebagger:

cabbagebagger:

EMERGENCY SOS

Hey I’m gonna keep this short! I’m R. I’m disabled. Recently got very sick, kept me from working, medicine spilled me in overdraft. They’re going to shut my lights off if I don’t pay. I’m -$340 in the negative from overdraft fees. I need to pay utilities and get groceries. Help, please!

Cash: cash.me/$RDonations Venmo: @RHelpers Paypal: transdragoning@gmail.com

Donate

AT THIS DONATION RATE VS OVERDRAFT RATE I WON’T HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT AND HONESTLY I’M FREAKING OUT…. I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET PLEASE I’LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU

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softboy-punx:

When you get a random spike of intense pain that fades away after a few seconds

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lavenderautistic:

lavenderautistic:

lavenderautistic:

lavenderautistic:

lavenderautistic:

(ID: a screenshot of my bank account, showing a balance of $0.24. /end ID)

hey everyone, I need some help with $ for groceries, gas, & medication to get me through the rest of the month. I have a very important doctors appt on the 30th that’s 3 hours round trip, and I don’t have gas to get there. I’m checking out food banks tmw, but since I have multiple severe food allergies idk how much they’ll be able to help me. I’ve asked for my SNAP to be increased and I was denied. I also need help with an upcoming phone bill but I have to talk to my roommate to see when it’s due / how much it is. ideally I’d like to raise $100 to pay for food, gas, and my hormones. anything beyond that would go toward my phone bill.

I’m disabled & live on SSI, and $7k a year is just impossible to live on. anything is helpful but please don’t donate if it’s gonna leave you in a similar place!

donate through paypal
donate through cash app  

nothing yet

I really need to do laundry & get some groceries! I haven’t been able to go to food banks bc I don’t have enough gas to get to them.

$33 / $100, thank you so much!

$38 / $100, thank you!

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