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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 5M ago

(To embiggenate the charming scene below, click the mini-bike.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Doll Enthusiasts.

I won’t say that the Mueller Report inspired this cartoon but it could have. With a Manchurian Candidate in the White House, anything can happen as the entire world is now so painfully aware. Who knows how many Russians he has hiding in his nest? I’m anxious to find out and am betting the phrase “money laundering” will be included—perhaps often enough for a drinking game.

This blog has had some technical problems of late, one of which is that I cannot reply to comments. I love answering readers’ questions but lately have not been able to. A number of folks asked me what I thought about the dust-up over Non-Sequitur’s hidden message to Trump and the resulting cancelations in client newspapers. I’ll say just this: Wiley broke a rule (causing client newspapers to print something controversial that they did not know they were printing) and the result was predictable; newspaper editors do not like being fooled in this way. On a larger sense, though, it is truly amazing what gets punished in America and what doesn’t. 

Back to the cartoon above: Fans of two-wheeled vehicles will recognize the Honda Mini Trail 50, which many of my friends had when I was growing up in Oklahoma and which I lusted after mightily.  Not only did my parents not buy one for me, but they also forbade me to be on anyone else’s, either. I guess they cared more about my safety than my happiness. I don’t share that view, however, and have been riding motorcycles the majority of my adult life and still do ride them around Mexico. 

I have not, on the other hand, had any business dealings with sworn enemies of my country of birth and all its allies. Call me an underachiever. 

(P.S. Yes, I know that the title panel above would not be pronounced anything close to “Bizarro”.)

If you’re wondering what’s in Wayno’s nest of cartoons this week, follow me a few pixels down this page… 

In the damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t category, sunscreen being washed down drains from everyone’s daily use eventually makes its way to the oceans and is bleaching/killing coral reefs, which will eventually kill the oceans, which will kill those of us who’ve not been killed by massive storms, excessive heat, gun nuts killing strangers, or authoritarian dictators. But when that happens, at least we’ll look younger and have less skin cancer.

As the alien billboards say, “Never probe while driving.” 

With this cartoon, Wayno exhibits his highfalutin’ education and his desire to alienate certain readers. (If you’ve not left yet but are confused enough to be considering it, “Proust” rhymes with “roost,” which is a bird thing.)

Suddenly I have a craving for Cheese Balls but I had no idea they were made of fish eggs. Gross.

Insider cartoon fact: If there had never been pirates, there would be far fewer amputee cartoons today.

Don’t forget to pop over to Wayno’s weekly blog rundown of this batch. This week features “The Chicken Strut”.

If they’d develop smartphones with smell-o-vision, he could get a more complete I.D. (“Can you hold the phone to your butt, please?”)

That’s the complete Giggle Parade for this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for marching along with us. If you enjoy our work, please have a look at some of our links below which help to support our efforts in the increasingly tightening newspaper industry. 

Until my next post, be nice, be happy, be smart, and resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them from me personally!

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 5M ago

Bizarro is brought to you today by Gosh I Hope Not.

With income disparity in the U.S. being what it is these days, adult children are returning home in record numbers. One of my own daughters recently spent a few months with us down here in Mexico. Even though Olive Oyl and I enjoyed her stay immensely and found her to be a perfect house guest, it was her visit that inspired this cartoon.

In spite of what I’m sure was a highly flawed effort on my part, I seem to have managed to raise two daughters to be decent, stable, pleasant human beings with whom I enjoy spending time. Her stay wasn’t about money issues, I’m happy to say. She just needed a break from the America that has been “made great again”.  (A thinking person can only stand so much of that kind of greatness.)

Now it’s time to see what kind of greatness Wayno uncovered in his cartoonaeology excavations last week…

As decorative injuries go, both tattoos and scrimshaw have their good and bad points. Tattoos can be much more colorful, of course, but scrimshaw can include far more detail and doesn’t spread and fade over time the way tattoos do. Choose wisely.

I’m guessing most people have had a similar experience as the one above. I once made the mistake of telling my grandmother-in-law that I liked penguins and it led to a years-long stream of her gifting me tacky things with ugly illustrations of penguins on them. I never let her know how much I regretted the original comment. And I hope I never see another penguin-laden product.

If a flying baby approaches you with a bow and arrow and threatens to shoot, almost anything you do next is going to be wrong. One can only hope a bug zapper would intervene.

Does this gift say “I love you” or “I’m nuts”? 

Quick aside: Wayno also writes a blog about our weekly cartoons and almost always includes some interesting, oddball music from the mid-20th century. This week is particularly fun with some examples of faux Beatle products. Check it out and come right back.

Wayno and I had fun devising the home decor of a fire extinguisher. He added the pictures on the wall, it was my suggestion to do the TV fireplace thing. I imagine that over his bed he has a giant photo of the Hindenberg in flames. I’m not sure what that suggests, but it seems funny somehow.

All of my inboxes were full this week with people correcting the spelling of “deserts,” assuming it was referring to those dry, sandy places with cactus. The truth is, the above spelling is not an error. The original phrase was “just deserts,” referring to a person getting what they deserve. Since that word was pronounced just like “desserts”, people eventually began spelling it that way in reference to this phrase and the error has become so common that it is now accepted by dictionaries and the like. The original use of the word “deserts” in reference to deserving something is long gone but the phrase remains popular and that tiny point is what this cartoon is about. Living languages change and it’s a waste of time getting too upset about it.

It reminds me a bit of the phrase “I could care less”. Though that is the common way most folks say it, it actually means the opposite of what you’re trying to convey. The original (and grammatically correct) phrase is “I couldn’t care less,” meaning that I care so little, it would not be possible to care less. On the contrary, I care very much about my wife so I could care less.

That concludes this week’s whatever-this-is. Thanks for hobbling along with us for another week, Jazz Pickles. If you appreciate our efforts, please consider visiting one of the links below and supporting us in some small way.

Until my next post, be nice, be happy, be smart, and resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them from me personally!

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 5M ago

Bizarro is brought to you today by No More Chilly Knights.

It is my understanding that octopuses are extremely intelligent. So much so that even though they could learn to do a lot of things that could support humans, they would not do so because they’re smart enough to recognize we do not have their best interests at heart. If only Trump supporters were as intelligent as octopuses. 

If you could have any animal to assist you through your day, what would it be? I’m tempted to say some kind of cute, funny, smart little monkey, but that’s too predictable and would likely be not much of a life for a monkey. I think I’d prefer a bird that was free to come and go through an open window, but who could answer all of my emails and handle my social media stuff. That would be pretty sweet. (As I write this, I’m fantasizing that I’m in the next room painting as I listen to the peck, peck, peck of a bird on my keyboard, handling my weekly blog post.)

Let’s see what Wayno’s imaginary critter friend has been scratching out in the way of cartoons this week…

It occurs to me that the phrase “…and some screw fish” could be taken two different ways depending on whether “screw” is an adjective or a verb. Do you see now why grammar is important, kids? Poor students make strange bedfellows.

I’ve long felt that indoor camouflage clothing should be covered with images of furniture and appliances. On a related note; I don’t own a single item of camouflage clothing. Or at least, if I do, I can’t find it. 

When my beloved Olive Oyl and I want to delve into some cosplay, I dress as Bluto. 

Anyone know why mice have such a thing about arched doorways?

How long will it be before these people notice they have an alien skeleton in one of their snow globes? (BTW: there have only been a handful of times that my Bizarro Alien has been cast in a speaking role in my cartoons. For those who don’t know what I mean, see this.)

In my case, “hold” refers to attempting to hold down my food while I endure the hold music. 

Last and perhaps least but I hope not, if you think you might enjoy a one-minute video of me in my studio talking about my latest painting, bring your eyes and ears here.  And if you’re so inclined, I’d love it if you would follow my fine art account on Instagram. It’s where I post all my ongoing, non-cartoon projects. 

Thanks for floating along in the wake of our cartoon canoe this week, Jazz Pickles. If you’re feeling appreciative of our work, please consider supporting us in one of the ways suggested by the links below. Muchas gracias, amigos!

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them from me personally!

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

AND DON’T FORGET TO POP OVER TO WAYNO’S WEEKLY COMMENTS ON THIS BATCH ALONG WITH SOME OF OUR COLLABORATIONS OF THE PAST CONTAINING SWINE. (Not kidding.)

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 6M ago

(To embiggenate the image below, click the soul of the man with hidden tattoos.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Erroneous Hunting.

You Jazz Pickles in countries with reasonable gun ownership laws have likely not seen many roadsigns shot to pieces. But in the United States, where it is every person’s constitutional right to own killing machines—often even if they are mentally ill and/or have a history of violence—and no one’s right to be safe at schools, churches, concerts, parades, movie theaters and the like, one sees this fairly routinely in more rural areas. I’ve never been present for the execution of this inane act so I can’t say for certain that it isn’t a kind of self-defense, but my guess is it’s just rednecks blowing off steam. 

In the case of the character in my cartoon above, however, he at least has a more respectable set of reasons for the trophies in his man cave. 

If you’re wondering what Wayno was shooting holes in last week with his cartoon Glock, read on…

My favorite Nobel Lariat is Will Rogers. I grew up in Oklahoma where Rogers is a state hero but he’d hang himself with his own lariat if he knew the kind of politics his fellow Oklahomans are practicing these days.

I’ve spent the entirety of my life in yesterday’s future and today’s past. Not sure where to go from here, though.

I know people who claim to have a smoothie-a-day but I hope this isn’t what they mean.

The gym gave this guy a special parking place with a reinforced, concrete wall. 

And the Brit said, “I think your career was simply smashing.”

I strongly suspect that Wayno’s wife wrote this gag but he firmly denies it. Who knows? Maybe mine wrote it and sent it to him.

Don’t forget to waft past Wayno’s weekly blog about these same cartoons in which he tells numerous amusing anecdotes and shares a link to some musical oddity!

That completes this week’s tour of our silly drawings, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for shuffling along with us for another week. I hope you’re enjoying whatever world you’ve created for yourself and will consider donating to our continued cartooning efforts by doing one of the things suggested in the links below.

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them from me personally!

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 6M ago
ATTENTION: I’ve been on vacation for a week and so this post has TWO WEEKS of cartoons!

(To embiggenate the scene below, click either horse’s ass.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The New Style.

My beloved Olive Oyl and I, as well as my eldest daughter, Krapuzar, spent the past week in Oaxaca, Mexico and had a terrific time. Mexico is teeming with artists and artisans of all kinds and as Mexican cities go, Oaxaca is one of the most saturated with creativity. In my travels here thus far, I’ve never experienced an environment more creatively inspiring. I’m really looking forward to finding out how this latest trip influences my non-cartoon art in the weeks and months ahead. 

The cartoon above is a loose interpretation of gerrymandering. I’m aware that this isn’t literally how gerrymandering works, but if you think of the stone from the tales of King Arthur as an election, and since it has been stolen and is now guarded by local authorities, the deserving recipient of the crown (young Arthur) has no way of attaining it. It’s no different than what the GOP has done (and continues to do) all over the U.S. with gerrymandering and voter suppression. Not to mention the help the Orange Menace enlisted from Russia. (Any resemblance between the horse’s ass on the horse and currently living, thieving horse’s asses is entirely intentional.)

After you’ve successfully found the 8 Secret Symbols in that cartoon, move on and see what Wayno cooked up in his Cartoon Easy-Bake Oven for that week…

I’ve personally never smelled anything worse than cat urine and I’ve been to a public restroom in New Jersey. (To be fair, it may have been a no-cats-allowed restroom.)

Can anyone tell me what connection this cartoon has to the 1978 movie, Halloween? 

For me, the cucumber slice makes this cartoon. I lobbied for Wayno to remove the patch from the other eye and put a carrot stick in the empty socket but he demurred. Probably for the best.

This fish makes it look easy, but try pronouncing the letter “B” without flexible lips sometime.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what the dessert cart is like in this restaurant. 

Don’t be too critical of the way Wayno drew this one: handprints on shiny surfaces are really hard to draw in cartoon style.

AND NOW, AS PROMISED, PART TWO OF THIS DOUBLE-WIDE BLOG POST! READ ON, JAZZ PICKLES…

A while back, Olive Oyl and I went on a walking tour of some selected street food vendors in Guanajuato (city), Mexico. Tourists are routinely warned against eating street food in foreign countries so we were a little anxious, but it had been organized by a Gringo who had lived there for years and knew what he was doing so we signed on. It turned out to be really fun and delicious and without biological consequences of any sort. There are lots of these kinds of “experiences” available on the Interwebs these days and although we didn’t bother anyone who hadn’t agreed to be on that tour, it was the inspiration for this cartoon. 

On a related note, while visiting Oaxaca (city) last week, we traveled to a few small towns in the mountains outside the city to buy some artisanal goods from the locals who make them. While in Teotitlan de Valle, a town famous for their hand-woven rugs, we found that we’d miscalculated and missed the public market, so the streets were deserted and even restaurants were closed. We asked a friendly local woman where we might be able to find lunch and she directed us to an address a few blocks away. Upon arrival, we were welcomed into a family’s home where a couple of young women cooked lunch for us while we sat in an adjacent room watching. A little boy played on the floor nearby and we soon found out his name was also Daniel, which makes us what they call in Mexico, “tocayos”. (A person with the same name.) His father was very friendly, too, and offered me a sip of something called crema de mezcal. Regular, liquid mezcal is something I enjoy regularly but I’d never even seen the “creamy” version. (Can’t say I cared much for it as it reminded me a bit of shampoo with alcohol in it.) We had a lovely time and a delicious meal and it cost us only a couple bucks each. We love this about Mexico.

For some fun photos from our week in Oaxaca, check out my Diego Piraro fine art Instagram feed.

On that happy note, let’s see what was on Wayno’s cartoon tour last week…

I’ve long wondered—if dinosaurs were alive today, would smell like gasoline? 

On a crowded subway car, would you rather be standing next to a furry or a prickly?

Next week’s cartoons will feature a mannequin who is wearing a human arm while her’s is in the shop.

I think we all know what this cartoon is referring to in the real world but let’s not talk about it. #WakeUpAndSmellTheBigotry&Sexism

It could’ve been worse. His shirt could be completely blank.

That’s the whole dang deal this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for shuffling along with us for another week. I hope your world is brighter and more peaceful than it was last week and that the trend continues. 

January is an excellent time to reach out and say “I enjoyed your cartoons online for free all last year, here’s a few bucks!” and the links below to our Tip Jar, shop, prints, etc., are all great ways to do that! 

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them, which look nothing like my cartoons!

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 6M ago

(For an embiggenated view of the cartoon below, click one damn thing or another in it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Percussive Sexism.

One way in which the Internet has been particularly effective is in showing us humans how vulnerable we are to believing bullshit. In fact, it would seem these days that the more pungent and steaming the poop pile, the more avidly people will sign up as a crusader for it. 

The number of people who believed (and still believe) that a former first lady and other prominent Democrats were running a child kidnapping and sex trafficking ring out of a Washington D.C. pizza parlor makes my head explode. (See: Pizzagate…they’ll believe in that but won’t believe in evolution or climate change.)

Turns out that number is remarkably similar to the number of people who could not see from a mile away that Donald Trump is and has always been the worst kind of human our species has to offer; the sort no decent person would ever purposely allow their child to grow up to be.  If I had another head, it would explode too. 

I often fantasize that if I could convince those same people that the only way to protect themselves from invisible Al Queda terrorists lurking in their home’s water pipes is to buy and wear a Bizarro T-shirt, I could make millions and then buy an island where my family and I would be safe from the kinds of people who believe this kind of horseshit. 

Hmmm…maybe I’m onto something. That’s pretty much exactly how The Apricot Satan got to the Oval Office. 

After all this talk of mob insanity, perhaps a refreshing dive into Wayno’s cartoon pond will be a nice diversion…

Looking at this scenario, I can’t help but believe the New Year’s Baby will fill his diaper the second he steps out the door and finds out what the world is like on his first day at the new job. 2018 was certainly enough to turn any baby into a bent, incontinent, old man in 12 months time.

Lots of people give big ups to “first responders” but nobody ever thinks to criticize the ones who show up months late. Well done, Wayno!

Over on Wayno’s weekly blog, he always posts an interesting music video or clip, and this week’s post features an interesting cover version of maybe my favorite Dylan song. He also links to what may well be the absolute worst album of Dylan covers ever recorded and marketed. That is until Mike Pence and Alex Jones release a duet album of Dylan songs with lyrics changed to support Trump’s fear-based immigration propaganda. 

If this optometrist were more sensitive to other lifestyles, he’d have an eye chart with nothing but “R”s for his pirate patients. (As for me, I don’t wait till September to talk like a pirate. I do it all year long, mateys.)

This guy is up for the Golden Ass Crack award and richly deserves it. Second place gets the Silver Plunger and third place brings home the Bronze Turd. (I don’t even want to know how they cast the third-place trophy.)

The welder’s helmet will work for a while but with the rollbacks of environmental protections by the Pizzagate-believing-crowd, in the not too distant future, we’re all going to need hazmat suits just to go outside without catching fire. 

Thanks to you Jazz Pickles for singing along with us this week. The first of the year is an excellent time to reach out and say “I’ve been enjoying your cartoons online for free all year, here’s a few bucks!” and the links below to our Tip Jar, shop, prints, etc., are all great ways to do that! 

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

DIEGO PIRARO FINE ART…where you can buy my paintings or prints of them, which look nothing like my cartoons!

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 7M ago

(For full embiggenation of the cartoon below, click on kneeling worker’s feet.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by My Ninth Grade Afro. (seriously)

This is the time of year when media outlets of all kinds are releasing their lists for 2018; most important news stories, best TV shows, movies, music, books, etc. For me, recapping 2018 would be like remembering the year one spent being held hostage by toddlers who regularly kick you between the legs and hit you in the face with a Supersoaker between episodes of running around the neighborhood stealing babies and setting fire to buildings. As for me, I’ve no desire to recount it, I’m just happy to be escaping it alive, which is more than many of my fellow citizens of Earth have managed. 

Will next year be better? One is tempted to say, “It certainly can’t get any worse,” but we know from merciless personal experience that this is not the case. It can most assuredly get worse and it likely will. 

Will any person, organization, or divine force rescue us from the preschool in which we are being held and return the neighborhood to a less selfish, childish and brutal place? Probably not. I wish I had better news.

No, I think it is up to us to overthrow the toddlers. We have to snatch the Supersoakers out of their tiny hands, swat them on their butts, and put them in time-out while the grownups sort things out and try to rebuild what these spoiled brats have destroyed. Easier said than done, of course.

And so, I will end 2018 with this prayer: Please, God, would you just this once come to Earth and protect us from our foolish choices by abolishing the Electoral College once and for all?

I don’t expect that to work any more than you do so while we’re “not holding our breath,” let’s take a peek at what Wayno packed in his cartoon lunchbox last week…

Speaking of afros (large Sunday comic above) this little dude has got a pretty nice blonde one started. 

Kids! Don’t try this at home; inhaling large quantities of helium can be fatal! Feel free, however, to try it with a real dog. They love that sort of thing.

In our current society, this kid is as useless as a Fox News Channel Special Report but in the near future, when everyone lives in an online virtual reality, never leaving their bed nor looking away from their device, this kid could become president or a Supreme Court justice. By being white and male and ignoring women and blacks, he’s already most of the way there. (Unless God answers the prayer in italics above, of course.)

Other ways in which CEOs like this one amuse themselves: using two-hundred times their share of natural resources while criticizing those living outside their gated communities for being too lazy to inherit wealth and power from their fathers.

Lots of people loved this cartoon because they find cats’ rude ingratitude for all we do for them endearing. 

I hope I live to see the day when delivery drones with clown wigs can hit people in the face with a cream pie when they answer their door.

Don’t forget to check in on Wayno’s weekly blog rundown of these cartoons. He always adds some fun asides and includes a bonus music track at the end of each post. In two days, he’ll be celebrating one year of his handling the weekday cartoons for Bizarro. Thanks for a job well done, amigo!

And thanks to you Jazz Pickles for stumbling through our imaginary pub crawl this week. If you want to toss me a holiday gift for making you smile all year, please consider doing so by donating to my son-in-law’s Indiegogo campaign. He’s an awesome guy and is working hard to make a good life for himself and my daughter through the wonders of beer!

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

MY SON-IN-LAW’S BEER PROJECT!!

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 7M ago

(To engage the embiggenation function of the cartoon below, click the would-be fisherman’s butt.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Perfect Stocking Stuffer.

In years past, I’ve created Xmas-themed cartoons for this time of year but that didn’t happen this year. I’m required by my publishers to submit cartoons four weeks before publication so I needed to write the cartoon for this date back in November and I just wasn’t feeling Xmasy—even in a sarcastic way.

I think I’m not alone in perceiving the unmitigated commercial orgy of materialism that Xmas has become in the U.S. to be an unmitigated commercial orgy of materialism. It’s not that I’m religious and am sensitive to the “reason for the season”; I’m not. (I wouldn’t want to be bombarded with Jesusy stuff, either.) It’s just that I’ve long felt that having every electronic device, billboard, and media outlet screaming (or singing) at me to buy stuff is not how I want to live. I no longer believe that owning the perfect “thing(s)” will make a person happy, and that’s inarguably the main idea being put forth by U.S. mainstream culture. And now that I live in Mexico and go months without seeing or hearing an American advertisement, it has become all the more obvious to me that this message is actually constant throughout the year; it just ramps way the hell up during “the holidays”.

Yes, I know that materialism isn’t the most important thing about life in every American household; far from it. But if you live in the U.S. and think that you are not being relentlessly clubbed over the head by the religion of capitalism, spend a few months in a non-first-world-nation and then go back. I suspect your eyes will be opened.

Still, I do enjoy the simpler aspects of the holiday—getting together with family and friends for food and fun and humor—and I hope you do, too. Along those lines, here’s one of my favorite Xmas cartoons of my own. Feel free to share on the Interwebs. (Without cropping out my legal lines, please and thank you.)

I hope all you Jazz Pickles have a wonderful year-end with those who are meaningful to you, and that a much better year will soon smack us all upside the head.

Now that we’ve chased off the Ghost of Christmas Greed, let’s find out what Wayno’s elves have been doing this week in his cartoon workshop at the North Pole (Pittsburgh)…

In their world, the antagonist in Masters of the Universe is Fleshador

The proof is in the socks. A raging sociopath would never bother to take his shoes off before putting his feet on the couch. I’m surprised he took off his MAGA hat. 
 

From Honest Abe to Don the Con in 156 years: emancipator to racist, intellectual philosopher to semi-literate, spoiled rich kid. Well done, GOP!
 

As they say in Italy, “Questa dannata città sta affondando!” Or, “Be careful whose gondola you climb into.” 
 

We got a few complaints about this cartoon from people who deify anyone in the military. One guy admonished me with “they risk their lives daily to protect our freedom!”

Let’s be honest and rational: not everyone in the armed services is literally risking their life daily. In fact, most in this day and age virtually never risk their lives any more than the rest of us do. More importantly, one of the key freedoms they are supposedly protecting is our right to free speech, which includes making jokes about the president, military personnel, whatever god you may believe in, Star Wars, and anyone or anything else one happens to hold as sacred. 

The most tedious part of being arrested in Los Angeles is the couple of hours you spend in the back of the squad car, stuck in traffic. “Dude. We could have walked to the station and I could have made bail by now.”
 

Thanks for snowshoeing through our winter wonderland this week, Jazz Pickles! If you want to toss me a holiday gift for making you smile all year, please consider doing so by donating to my son-in-law’s Indie-goo-goo campaign. He’s an awesome guy and is working hard to make a good life for himself and my daughter through the wonders of beer!

And don’t forget to pop over to Wayno’s weekly blog to see what he’s got to say about this batch of cartoons. And, as always, he includes a bonus music track! I particularly like this week’s tune.

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

MY SON-IN-LAW’S BEER PROJECT!!

 
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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 7M ago

(To begin the embiggenation process, click any character’s earlobe.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Beer Math.

In today’s economy, it pays to have a wide assortment of skills at the ready. As for me, I’ve been a store clerk, delivery driver, busboy, graphic designer, store display artist, commercial illustrator, sign painter, muralist, cartoonist, fine artist, stand-up comic, TV show host, and painter. Many people assume that because my cartoon feature is sort of famous that I’m rich, but that’s one thing I’ve never been.

And that’s why I ask folks to help keep the campfires burning here at Rancho Bizarro by visiting our online shop or dropping a buck or twelve into our Tip Jar.

It’s also why I’m asking you today to watch my son-in-law’s video about his and his buddy’s super cool science/business project. I know these guys well and they’re both smart, ambitious, hard-working, environmentally responsible, terrific young men trying to make their way in the world. If that weren’t the case, I’d never have illustrated their logo. Also, if I don’t continue to find ways to make a living in this world, I may end up living on their farm in my old age. Whether it is in a cardboard box or a full-size, luxury camping tent may depend on your donations to help keep the project going! Thanks for your consideration.

Now that we’ve worked up a mighty thirst, let’s see what Wayno put into his Kartoon Kegger this week…

And when my sidekick arrives, he’ll need to speak with the worm sommelier. (Ever noticed how the French seem to have intentionally made their language hard to spell?) 

The burning question on the Interwebs this week was where that final carrot is going. Whether it is going to be another appendage or inserted into an orifice, I’ve no doubt the location will be surprising.

“Surely you jest,” remarked the king.

To which the hipster replied, “Surely you king.” 

I’ve never actually met a mad scientist but I’ve known a few who were irritable. (The way the modern Republicans thrill their base by denying science is enough to make any scientist mad.)

Personally, my favorite thing about Xmas is Fox News Channel’s imaginary war. #BetterTastingFoodIsTheReasonForTheSeason(ing)

It was probably the double lobotomy that turned him into a criminal. Wayno has more to say about this week’s cartoons so visit his weekly blog, as well. This week, he includes a very odd Batman song from decades gone by. 

That’s the journey for this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for coming along. And thanks for your continued support as we attempt to make you smile. The links below are how we get by these days.

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

MY SON-IN-LAW’S BEER PROJECT!!

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Bizarro! by Dan Piraro - 7M ago

(To embiggenate the image below, click the guitar.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Voyeurs

The biggest problem with playing air guitar on the moon is the volume inside your helmet, which can lead to hearing loss. Outside of the helmet, you can barely hear anything at all. NASA officials and other super intelligent know-it-alls of science have listed this as one of the top three reasons that render the moon uninhabitable. The other two reasons are the lack of Starbucks locations (only six on the entire moon) and the proximity to Earth, which would be a constant reminder in the sky of how stupendously foolishly we destroyed our original home.

If this knowledge makes you wish you had a new stocking cap with a Bizarro Secret Symbol on it, you’re in luck! These have just been listed and are ready to ship. (Ask for expedited shipping to arrive by Dec 24 and order soon!) 

 

Two styles, two symbols, and two colors to choose from! And there are lots of other cool things in our shop, so check those out while you’re there. WE ALSO HAVE GIFT CERTIFICATES

Now that your holiday shopping is finished, let’s check out what Wayno was doing with his Kartoon Kreation Kit this week…

And his next assignment will be staying with the Lab till he gets that evidence back. #MyDogAteMyBloodstainedHomework

 
I can’t think about Big Pharm long enough to write something amusing about this cartoon because I am under advice from my physician not to do allow my soul to wither and die.
 

This dude is a lounge lizard, bar baboon, tavern titmouse, and pub parasite. But his friends just call him “Smarmy”.
 

If you’re looking for an impartial third party witness to solve the argument, ask the NSA. At George Orwell’s instigation, people used to worry about an oppressive future government (Big Brother) that would track our every move and thought. Sadly, we don’t have to wait for that; we’re doing it to ourselves. Meanwhile, in Wisconsin and countless other places in the U.S., the Republican party is successfully endeavoring to eliminate all opposition and become the only government. Orwell was right and 1984 has arrived—if a couple a decades later than he predicted.
 

Whether they are working or not, I never pet rats, which is one reason I’ve never gotten bubonic plague. 
 
Don’t miss Wayno’s weekly blog about this batch of cartoons. Lots of fun and extras! 
 

Natural selection being what it is, and dogs being as close to humans as they are, you’d think that by now they’d have evolved to lose their attraction to all things surrounding the fecal arts. My beloved Olive Oyl and I have two dogs and we love them in spite of being disgusting. Come to think of it, that applies to a few of our friends and family members, too, though for different reasons.

Thanks for coming along with us on our comedy trail ride this week, Jazz Pickles. We deeply appreciate your readership and hope you’ll support our efforts by visiting the links below and grabbing some fun stuff for yourself.

Until my next post, be happy, be nice, be smart, & resist ignorance and fascism.

BIZARRO SHOP (enamel pins, Hello Shitty, shirts and more!)  

… Bizarro TIP JAR

Signed, numbered, limited edition prints and original cartoon art  

Bizarro Cartoons on Instagram  

Piraro Fine Art on Instagram

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