I understand exactly where you were coming from since I dealt with somethign very similar. I talk here about how i got through it. I also think it would really help if you could meet with a professional to discuss this. I am not sure if you saw a professional while you were recovering from anorexia, but if you did then maybe you could reach out to them.
Thank you for sharing what has helped you ❤️ I am so glad you sought out help and were able to recover from this. I urge anyone who things they are suffering from binge eating or any other mental illness to seek support and treatment.
I think journaling and reflecting can really help! Think about what was allowing you to succeed previously and what might have triggered the backslide you are currently experiencing. If you can get to the root of the problem, then you can identify factors in your life that can help you to improve ❤️
I have decided to sit for 30 minutes just now to process exactly how I am feeling at this moment. I hope that my experience will provide reliability, comfort, and guidance to those who are going through a similar struggle. (If your’e new, hi! I’m currently working towards being the best version of myself).
Two years ago, my life seemed perfect. I was genuinely happy, running well, earning good grades, having more time to draw, doing well on social media, and constantly making new friends because I was so outgoing and happy/willing to help all the time. I look at my life now, and food is controlling how I feel about myself.
About 1.5 years ago, I developed a binge eating habit due to being instructed to put on 20+ pounds by a doctor in about two months in order to run in college. I had one of my worst experiences with it yesterday. I was reflecting on it today, and I have come to some realizations.
Running was a large part of my identity, and one of my main sources of happiness all throughout high school. I’ve been on and off injuries for the 4th time in 1.5 years. Although I developed many other hobbies and learned many life lessons as a result of being injured, whenever I get reminded about running, I suddenly feel this hole in my life because I can never go back. For all this time, I’ve been trying my best to get back but fail every time due to this habit.
I realize that I fill that hole with food. Every single time I come back from races that I can’t run, I get reminded of the past, which leads me to the worst binges and deal with the worst anxiety and shame afterward. For the past few weeks, I’ve been doing very well with not binging because I’ve been enjoying school and learning, so I know for a fact that this is my trigger.
When I binge, I am fully aware that I am binging, but I can’t stop because I feel emotionally empty. I’m not an emotional person, and only cried 2 times in the last 10 years. Because of the influx in negative life circumstances, I have turned to food to deal with emotions that I can not avoid. I’ve been trying my best to get back to running, but I only go downhill. There seems to be a black hole in my brain, with perpetual gravity that pulls in food.
After the binge, I feel extremely ashamed that I let myself to that. My anxiety is through the roof and everything seems out of my control.
Every time I look at my body, I see binge and guilt. Those ~30+ pounds now reflects 1.5 years of feeling out of control, regretful, empty, hopelessness, depressed, and undeserving. It’s not the weight. It’s the state of being out of control. I haven’t been as active on social media as I used to because feel disgusted at myself.
Not only let my running career go downhill, but also my self-esteem, simply by obeying my doctor to gain that 20+ pounds in 2 months to run in college to led me to develop those binging habits that are still manifest in me. Since obtaining the 20+ pounds of guilt, life has only gotten worse. I’m still injured, running slower than ever, and feeling the worst I have ever felt about myself.
I really enjoy being with my team, they are the kindest and most supportive group of people I’ve ever met, and I really wish that I can be happy for them in terms of running. I honestly can’t be happy for others when I’m not happy or even comfortable being myself.
As much as I want to turn back the clock 1.5 years, I believe that this is a life lesson that I have yet to learn and help others by sharing my experience.
Now, I will constantly be reminding myself about the fact that I know my triggers, and I will eventually develop the power to not that those control me.
I know that I need help, and I want you to know that it’s okay to ask for help. Everyone goes through struggles. It’s never too late to combat those.
Admitting that you have a problem and asking for help only makes you stronger because you’re not afraid to be true to yourself.
Women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) are six times more likely to suffer from eating disorders according to new research presented at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine conference this week. Types of eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder. As many as one-third of women with PCOS suffer from binge eating disorder.
This is definitely SO scary. I always worry about this too because I don’t want my children to have a poor relationship with food. I think it impacted me also because my mother is so obsessed with dieting/how she looks, which forced me to think about those things. I would maybe read into it and see if there is any research on it… I always just remind myself that i will never talk about food in a negative way, never used food as a reward/punishment, have an active life in a positive manner (choose fun workouts and never use them as a form of punishment for eating), be body positive, not focus compliments on appearance (instead focus on her personality and intelligence and more meaningful factors), etc…
I think the best way to stop it would be to form a new, healthier habit. Maybe go for a walk after binging, call a friend, etc. By creating a new habit, you will eventually respond to binging in a healthier manner than your current way.
I encourage you to seek help for your depression first. When you seek professional support for that you can also talk to them about binge eating, and they can likely refer you to someone who can help you recover from binge eating.
I think it is also crucial for you not to withdraw from all of your friends and social activities. I know it can be hard and might seem like the last thing in the world that you want to do. But it is so important not to withdraw during these times. Stay close with your friends, open up to friends you are close with, and try to stay engaged with different activities. Forcing yourself to be alone all of the time might make your depression worse which kind of feeds into the binge eating. It is all a nasty cycle.
And go buy yourself a new pair of jeans! There IS a pair that fits you! It took me forever to actually go out and buy myself a new pair since I didn’t want to buy a size larger than what I owned, but do it. Tag sizes do NOT matter, and they are there to simply make your life better. They are there to make your shopping simpler so you can find the right pair for you, but there is absolutely NO value / meaning in the actual number on the tag. Do what is right for you xx
My Binge Eating story starts 5 years ago. I was 18 and i start to gain weight cause i didn’t do any sport. I started a little “homemade” diet but after 2 weeks i wasn’t able to continue and i start to fill like i want to eat every time i was alone. After 2 years i gained more weight so i decided to start a real diet and i went to gym really often, like 5 times a week for 2h. I loose 10 kg and i was really glad of it. After all these restrictions i really start with binge eating. I used to throw up but i stopped when i start to live with my room mates and i never really restart with that. My mother is bulimic since she was 20, and i grow up and i always see her spend afternoons eating a lot and then go to the toilet for 20/30 min and i always thought it was normal. When i was 15 i talked to her about it and she allow the problem but she never really stopped. That’s why probably i prefer don’t live with my family. I’m really influence by my mother and i would really like to take care of myself before. I tried to help her but it’s really difficult “be the mother of your mother"especially if she doesn’t want be helped.
Now it’s a bit better with binge eating but when i start lose wight after one or two weeks i restart to eat everything so i never really can feel good with my body. The worst is that if i waste one day i start to waste everything. I feel uncomfortable so i don’t go to university, i don’t see friends and i don’t do any sport. I spend my day in my room eating and sleeping. I hate these days