Alexis Meads - Dating Coaching For Women | Dating Coach and Dating Expert
Dating Coach Alexis Meads helps women who are on their last straw with dating finally get the love they deserve. She helps frustrated women find confidence and clarity so they can focus on what matters most.
Are you ready for The One? Take the free quiz! I usually only give this quiz to my private clients, but I’ve made it available to all of you for free.
The quiz will give you a pulse on your actual readiness for finding, meeting, and keeping ‘The One’.
Often people say that they’re ready for The One, but there are many things that can block you that you may not be aware of.
Your emotional life…
Not getting closure from past love…
Your willingness to take action…
Just to name a few!
Take the quiz below not to find out how ready you are.
This quiz is an amazing tool that will uncover these subconscious feelings that you may not even realize are sabotaging your chances for the kind of real relationship that you really want.
And best of all, all you need to do is answer a few simple questions as honestly as you can.
It’s simple but it’s something that many of us have a difficult time understanding. The idea that one of the biggest reasons we can’t seem to find the kind of love that we really want, why we continue to attract the wrong guys, is because of our ingrained beliefs about love.
These beliefs come from many places, including how we were raised, our parents or role models while growing up, our culture, and our past romantic relationships.
All of these things come together to color how we view love, what we think love really is, and what can be blocking us from the kind of love you really want.
Not only can our beliefs about love blocks us but they also are the cause of the actions you’re currently taking (or not taking!) to find the kind of love you say you want.
With this exercise we’re going to dig into the real beliefs that you have, whether or not those beliefs and other subconscious love blocks are holding you back, and what to do about it.
Are You Ready For The One? Take The Free Quiz Above To Find Out!
One of the latest trends is Serendipidating. Serendipidating is putting off a date — or dating in general — in the hopes that someone better or decent will eventually come along. As a Dating Coach it’s my job to keep up with the latest trends, and this is a dating trend you want to avoid, as it has the potential of screwing up your love life forever.
So what is it, really?
Serendipidating is essentially what I used to call FOMO, or fear of missing out.
When my husband was single, he called it BBD. Him and his friends were constantly waiting for a bigger and better deal to come along.
During my single days I fell into this trap all the time.
This was before there were dating apps, but I still used online dating to fill what felt like an endless dating funnel. I lived in Boston at the time, worked downtown, and had an active social life, so meeting a number of men wasn’t the problem.
The problem was finding a man that I felt a connection to and could see myself in a long-term relationship with, and who felt the same about me.
When I was serendipidating, I never could seem to find myself in a happy long-term relationship, because in the back of my mind I always knew that someone better may come along.
We have to take a pause for a moment and start by looking at what ‘better’ even means.
Have you been searching endlessly for your Prince Charming who looks and dresses a certain way, only to find out that this guy is a player, or doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated in a relationship?
Or do you keep comparing every guy you meet to the instant chemistry you felt with your first love when you were 19?
“In fairytales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy’s always wearing a black hat so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot, he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.” – Taylor Swift
I help clients to understand what they actually want and need in a relationship and how they can be the best possible partner themselves.
This is critical so that you don’t get stuck in the endless cycle of trying to find a man who’s more attractive than the last, or comparing every guy to an ex-boyfriend that you felt crazy chemistry with but ultimately didn’t work out.
If your goal is to be in a long-term relationship then serendipidating will not get you very far.
With a sea of singles at your fingertips it is easy to get sucked into this pattern of wondering if someone better will come along, but life simply doesn’t work like that.
If you put off every job interview, buying a house, or anything else in hopes of something better coming along, you will weaken your decision making muscle to the point where it doesn’t exist anymore.
Plus, you will stop feeling grateful for what you have already because you’re always looking to a future that doesn’t exist.
You won’t know how to commit to ANYTHING because you’re always going to be waiting for that next best thing. This can set you up for a life of being single forever.
What is it about dating in the Tinder age that makes serendipidating so common?
There are just so many choices. Too many.
I tell my clients to imagine how different it may be if they were dating in the “Little Women” era.
For those of you who remember that classic story, it’s extremely romantic in it’s own way.
At that time your choices would’ve been limited to who is in your town and who you see on a regular basis. Therefore, you didn’t have the luxury of constantly wondering who else is out there, or fearing that you could be making the wrong choice when it comes to a partner.
You would get to know someone very very slowly, and the mystery and romance would build.
Can you imagine how mind-blowing the sex would be after many long, slow months of falling in love with someone?
In the Tinder age when you can always find someone new to swipe on, let alone text with or sleep with right away to meet your need for connection, that mystery and romance is lost.
There are a lot of great advancements because of technology, but we almost need to create that mindset shift back to a simpler time.
If you’re ready this and thinking, “Why bother? I’m too exhausted to go on another date” or find yourself swinging between back-to-back Bumble dates and swearing off dating entirely, then it’s time to adopt a new mindset around dating.
It’s so common and challenging to find a happy medium between dating fatigue and swearing it off completely.
I have two rules with dating: dating needs to be simple and it needs to be fun.
If it’s no longer feeling simple or fun, something needs to change.
I work with clients on creating dating plans that work for them, so they have structure and boundaries around their dating life which keeps it from feeling like a full-time job.
When it’s simple and fun you position yourself to meet someone because now you’re giving off that positive vibe, whether it’s with someone online or in ‘real life’.
Love can happen when you least expect it, but it’s usually when you’re in a great mindset and are still putting yourself out there.
Serendipidating is the dating trend you want to avoid because the truth is that love doesn’t usually look exactly how you think it will and relationships take work.
This is a beautiful thing because it’s through relationships and the struggles that come with them that we self-actualize in the process.
We learn how to balance giving and receiving, being grateful for what we have, and striving to make it better.
Now, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Have you ever done Serendipidating? What was the result for you?
Remember, share as much detail as possibly in your reply as hundreds of kindred souls come here each week for advice and your comment may just be the spark they need.
Thank you a thousand times over for adding your love and voice to this amazing community.
No matter what a client comes to me with, whether it’s because they find themselves dating the same type of person over and over, or they’re questioning their relationship, I always start in the same place with self-love. This is the key in how to use the law of attraction to find love.
The reason we work on self-love before we dive into dating or the relationship, is because I believe if you want to find “The One” you have to be “The One” first.
The relationships you attract into your life are the direct manifestation of the way you treat yourself.
How to Meet the Man of Your Dreams And Find Love - YouTube
The reason is because like energy will attract like energy.
If you really want to have this amazing relationship and meet the man of your dreams, you have to be that person for yourself. You want to attract exactly what you’re going to get back.
If you first work on yourself and self-love, it doesn’t just mean looking pretty or getting dressed up. These are parts of self-love as they can be an expression of honoring yourself, but self-love is also about accepting yourself wherever you are in the process with an open mind and an open heart.
We all want to improve and we all want to get better, but when we get stuck in this negative self-talk telling ourselves that we don’t deserve true love, or we’re not good enough, or not pretty enough, we settle for less than what we deserve.
So the key is really being yourself and falling in love with yourself first and foremost.
Knowing what makes you happy, confident, and come alive.
Taking great care of yourself.
And then knowing what you want. Knowing what you’re looking for so you have the confidence to attract that in a partner and not settle for less than you deserve.
The tricky part about this is sometimes when we begin working on ourselves and become more positive and excited, we can end up attracting the opposite of this with a partner.
Especially if you’re very positive you may attract a “sponge person” who wants to drain off all of your energy.
As you build up your self-love, confidence and strength, you’ll learn to look for signs in a partner that you’ll quickly be able to realize when someone isn’t going to be good for you. They won’t be the right match.
When you’re putting out to the Universe that you love yourself, deserve an amazing relationship, and have positive expectation of receiving it, then you’ll match that energy and attract it back into your life.
If you let yourself envision this amazing relationship and feelings of anxiety, doubt, or sadness are triggered, then there is an underlying limiting belief that needs to be released. I work on energetically releasing them with my clients.
Self-love is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight. But with every new way of thinking about ourselves, of doing things just for ourselves, of looking at our needs and our passions and our gifts as being the daily confirmations of all that we are and all that we have to offer to someone worthy of being with us, we start to catch a glimpse of this new way of being.
At some point the more we practice, the more we make these daily habits in our everyday lives, we discover the truth that there is truly so much to love about you!
Now I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
What does self-love mean to you? How do you practice it in your own life? How has it impacted your relationships?
Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply.
Thank you a thousand times over for adding your love and your voice to this amazing community.
I had so much fun recently doing a photo shoot for a personal branding session at my home!
When my brand, Crazy Wild Love, first started back in late 2012, the concept was more fun and flirty and geared towards younger women. There is still certainly an element of that, but the brand has since evolved to be more professional and sophisticated with some elegance and sexiness to it.
I’ve done a number of photo shoots over the years but needed one that would capture the current energy of my site and brand.
We were blessed by the sun coming out in early spring so my home was filled with natural light, and I always like to keep fresh flowers on hand. Pink roses and sunflowers are my favorites. We finished the morning off with mimosas at La Provence. So basically…a perfect day!
I was fortunate to connect with Dr. Avila who wrote a book around Love Types and Guy Types to help people find love. I had the chance to interview him and it was so fascinating learning about these different guy types!
After reading the interview, post a comment below if you recognize what TYPE of guy you typically date? Or what type you are yourself?
Alexis Meads: What made you specifically interesting in dating and helping people find love? What was the inspiration behind your books Love Types and Guy Types?
It all began when I was in an incompatible relationship. Everything seemed wonderful in the beginning—she was beautiful, charming, and intelligent—but then I realized we were incompatible, and the pain of heartbreak began.
I realized that there exists in the world a Dating Masquerade, in which singles put on masks to impress each other. When the party ends, and the masks comes off, they often find that they have little in common. Based on my personal experience and desire to find the secrets of compatibility, I began to do research into personality types (based on Carl Jung and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), and the result was the bestseller LoveTypes in 1999. LoveTypes has been used by over 40 million people worldwide to find love.
In 2017, I updated and streamlined LoveTypes into GuyTypes: Helping women find their ideal guy from among the 4 Love Personality groups by using our modern social media technology.
Alexis Meads: The idea of Love Types and Guy Types is very interesting. Can you tell us more about the books?
LoveTypes talks about the 16 romantic styles or LoveTypes and helps readers first identify their romantic style and also the best match for them.
GuyTypes brings LoveTypes into the new technological age and simplifies it into 4 main romantic personality types, or GuyTypes. A woman can first discover her own romantic type, then go out in the real world (or online world) to find her ideal GuyType (compatible match). The book also teaches woman how to apply romantic networking and personality profiling to help them find the best GuyType match for them.
Alexis Meads: What are the different Guy Types and how can this help women to find love?
Once a woman knows her ideal GuyType match (one of four), she will also learn where to find him, how to break the ice, and how to win his heart for a long-term relationship.
Here are the 4 GuyTypes:
Knowledge Seeker (NT: Intuitive Thinker): 14.8% of the male population. You’ve met your “Iron Man”: Brilliant, powerful, innovative, and ultimately successful. His incredible brainpower will stimulate your mind (and body), and his incisive, witty take on life will keep you intrigued and fascinated. He may be a scientist, lawyer, professor, inventor, engineer, entrepreneur, or a leader in business and government.
Meaning Seeker (NF—Intuitive Feeler): 13.5% of the male population. If you’ve ever wanted to be romanced like a goddess, then this is the right guy for you. Sensitive, imaginative, artistic, philosophical, poetic, and a true romantic: He is the lover of all lovers. He may be a psychologist, philosopher, teacher, artist, spiritual leader, poet, or he may be involved (or lead) humanitarian/charitable organizations. He is often romantic, loving, and spiritual.
Security Seeker (SJ: Sensing Judger): 43.1% of the male population. You’ve found your rock: steady, reliable, traditional, and family-orientated. He is the loyal husband and loving father who will be by your side for life; there is nothing he won’t do for you and the family he loves. Security seekers often make excellent stable, reliable, and traditional husbands (providers and protectors) and fathers (supportive and dependable). He is not the kind to just play around, or date endlessly.
The Excitement Seeker (SP: Sensing Perceiver): 28.6% of the male population. Get ready and fasten your seat belts—the fun is about to begin. This charismatic and confident guy will bring as much fun, laughter, and enjoyment into your life together as humanly possible. His middle name is excitement. He was created to bring fun, spontaneity, excitement, and adventure into your life. The Excitement Seeker is the definition of the fun companion who will always keep you laughing, excited, thrilled, stimulated, and “hot” for him and whatever adventure or activity he has planned for you next.
Alexis Meads: What is some advice from the book that you could offer up to our community, that they could put into action right now?
Whenever you go out on a date, or meet an interesting guy, use personality profiling to determine his GuyType (to see if he’s compatible with you).
Ask him the 3 Magic Questions:
What would you do if you won $10 million? If he would save and invest (or use if for a sensual experience such as traveling), then he is practical/sensory—give him the letter “S” for Sensor. If he would start some grand creative or innovative project (spaceship to Mars), then give him the letter “N” which stands for “Intuitive” (Imaginative)
What’s your favorite movie? If he liked it because of the plot, story, and the way it was made, he is a Thinker (he makes choices with his logic). If he loved it because of the emotions and relationships, he is a Feeler (he makes choices primarily with his heart)
If you got invited to Vegas, a work or school day, tomorrow, would you go? If “Yes,” he is spontaneous, give him the letter, “P” which stands for “Perceiver (spontaneous). If he says, “No, I have to plan it,” give him the letter “J” which stands for “Judger” (which means structured).
Now put the two letter combinations together, and you get his GuyType.
NF (Intuitive Feeler): Meaning Seeker
NT (Intuitive Thinker): Knowledge Seeker
SP (Sensing Perceiver): Excitement Seeker
SJ (Sensing Judger): Security Seeker.
Hot Tip: You usually want to find someone from your same personality group (Meaning Seeker, Knowledge Seeker, Excitement Seeker, or Security Seeker)—you have more in common. For example, if you’re a Security Seeker, you’re better off with a Security Seeker. If you’re a Meaning Seeker, you’re more compatible with a fellow Meaning Seeker.
Alexis Meads: What else does this interesting book have in store for them?
Once you know who your ideal GuyType is, you can get involved in online (or offline) communities and groups that cater to the specific Guytype you’re looking for. This is called Romantic Networking and saves you a great deal of time and effort because you go to the best dating pool for the GuyType you’re looking for.
Here are some places where you can find your ideal GuyType:
Knowledge Seeker:Groups and organizations dealing with science, technology, entrepreneurship, gaming, law, and intellectual activities (chess).
Meaning Seeker:Groups and organizations dealing with psychology, philosophy, spirituality, the arts, and making a difference in the world (charitable and humanitarian organizations).
Excitement Seeker: Comedy clubs, dance clubs, concerts, social/business networking activities, wine tasting, as well as outdoor and extreme sports activities and organizations, such as rock climbing, off-roading, motorcycle riding, river rafting, bungee jumping, parachuting, gun shooting, fishing, car clubs, and mixed martial arts.
Security Seeker: Groups and organizations revolving around family, church (picnics, socials), charity fundraisers, local concerts and grand openings, home improvement, children, pets, patriotism, and helping the community (PTA, neighborhood watch, local ball games).
For more information, check out guytypes.com and Dr. Avila’s weekly podcast on iTunes: Love University.
Looking back on my life when I was single, I realize that one of the things that probably most contributed to my dating roller coaster was this whole idea of boundaries, or, the lack of them. One thing that is sooo important to discuss is this idea of how to set boundaries when you’re dating someone new.
The simplest way to think of boundaries in dating and relationships is: At what point do we stand up and let someone know we are not okay with something they are doing?
It sounds so simple.
But it’s not. In fact, it’s far from simple.
Here’s the problem with setting boundaries: in order for us to have boundaries in a relationship we have to know ourselves, have total respect for ourselves, and be willing to take a risk in order to stand by a boundary.
As women we believe that the more low-maintenance we are — the more easy going and chill — the more men will want to be with us.
And so, we try to be like that. I call it being “the cool girl.”
But here’s the harsh truth: if you accept crumbs from men, if you say “yes” to dates planned last minute, texting just to talk dirty without ever asking you out, if you meet him at ten o’clock after drinks with the guys — if you don’t have boundaries, and don’t know how to state and express your expectations and needs directly, men will start to devalue you.
As a result, they begin to see you as Ms. Right Now rather than Mrs. Right.
You’re really smart, and because this isn’t your first time in the game, maybe you’re long done hooking up with men you met at a bar at midnight or maybe you aren’t, but the bottom line is this.
When you are a caring, kind woman who genuinely wants to make a man happy, you may have the “cool girl” mentality and not even realize you’re doing it.
What I need for you to understand is that not only do you not want to accept crumbs but that you actually deserve cake and that, when you expect it and know how to communicate it in a powerful feminine way, men will actually want you more, not less.
This is how you begin to get past the third and fourth date, and is just one of the many dynamic tools you’ll learn in Crazy Wild Love Academy.
<<First Name>>, you are powerful.
I remember when my client Allison understood this at a very deep level.
At first she felt like men held all the power – that they were picking her or rejecting her.
She quickly realized after going through Crazy Wild Love Academy that she could be the one doing the choosing and that she set the tone.
That’s when everything started to change for her.
She began dating from a place of self-worth, confidence, and abundance.
She realized that she knew how to be highly attractive to men, and she could become a savvy dater, communicating to men what she wanted in a way that actually inspired them to become that guy.
Allison realized that you only get what you settle for, and if you settle for just “good enough” when it comes to love, that’s what you will get.
As you learn how to master that ability of setting boundaries and standing by them, you will find that dating is a whole lot less frustrating, and begin attracting in high-quality men who want to commit to you.
This is why I run this program: to give you back hope. To show you that you can have effortless power.
Let today be the day that transforms everything in YOUR love life.
Because what you’ll find inside Crazy Wild Love Academy is the most complete, comprehensive program that holds your hand as your build sustainable self-confidence, s.ex appeal, and dating savvy — every step of the way.
It’s time that you say “YES!” to having the kind of love you’ve been dreaming about for so many years.
What I’m about to say is really important, so please take the time to read it.
Every time I offer this program, I have women email me:
“Alexis, I really love your program but I’m just not sure it’s the right time…”
“I just started a new job so things are really busy.”
“I’m not sure if I can spend the money right now.”
“I’d rather wait until it’s the right time, when are you doing it next?”
First off, I won’t be offering the Crazy Wild Love Academy again until summer of 2018, and this is the last time I will be offering it at this price, but more important is this attitude that we can’t spend the time cultivating more important aspects of our lives — our happiness, self-confidence, and love life — is what’s gotten us feeling so stuck.
I too have been caught in that loop where I wanted to wait to invest in myself until I had the right time, energy, money, but the truth is it never happens.
You have to create the time.
And what’s so great about the Crazy Wild Love Academy is that it’s meant to fit into your life, not take over your life.
I’ve had many clients come to me feeling like dating has become a full time job and they dread it. No. Dating needs to be simple and fun.
If it’s taken over all of your physical and mental energy, something needs to change, and I’ll help you change it.