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Alicia Silverstone loves being single again and is “super excited about being available and open to whatever’s next.”

Alicia Silverstone After Divorce

American Woman star Alicia Silverstone is back on the dating scene and she loves it. The 41-year-old actress recently told Redbook magazine, “I’m super excited about being available and open to whatever’s next. Of course, there’s tons about it that’s confusing. I call my girlfriends and I’m like, ‘What does this mean?’”

Divorced in February

This past February, Silverstone and estranged husband Chris Jarecki announced they were splitting up after 20 years of marriage. The couple has worked to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship for their  7-year-old son Bear.  “Obviously, it’s heartbreaking.” said the Clueless star. “You don’t ever think you’ll be apart when you get married. All I can really say is that we’ll co-parent Bear together, and this is completely a good thing for both of us.”

Silverstone’s American Woman character – Bonnie Nolan – is a mom raising her children while working on her career and struggling with a divorce – a role which closely mirrors Silverstone’s current life.

“I’m always bringing all of myself to every single part that I play, because obviously that’s what I love to do,” Silverstone has said. “I read the script and loved the story and thought it was great … I just fell in love with the role, I thought, ‘What an incredible role for an actress to do, to get to be so many different things and to get to be so strong and so vulnerable.’ She goes through so much and she’s just fighting for her life.”
Self Care During Divorce: How-To

Divorce is not only a difficult time in a person’s life, but it can also be emotionally traumatic. The relationship with your spouse and the structure of your lives that you helped establish in what you thought would be a happily-ever-after marriage has ended. What are the next steps and the things that will help you get back that feeling you call “normal”? Although you may not realize it, there are some things you can do to get back there.

According to Natalie Greggs, a family law attorney from Allen, Texas, “Self-care is the number one thing that gets you through the day.” Though she is a family law attorney and not a therapist, she advises clients that self-care is the best method to get them through this rough time.

Self-Care is Future Well-Being

Self-care is more than just a way to get through each day while you go through your divorce. Self-care is also crucial for the well-being of your future as well. Numerous studies indicate that stress is a cause of long-term health problems. Research also indicates that individuals going through a divorce have a heightened risk for some long-term chronic health problems. This research is even scarier when faced with the fact that experts mention that 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce.

Keeping Sane During Your Divorce

Here are some self-care tips to practice while you go through a divorce:

Exercise.

Even if you’re not going through a divorce, exercise is good for you. For people going through traumatic times, it is especially helpful. Exercise encourages your body to produce endorphins, a feel-good chemical for the brain. Certified integrative nutrition coach and personal trainer Lindsay Hunt, says exercise also helps increase self-confidence, improves sleep, reduces anxiety symptoms, and reduces stress and depression. Any form involving physical movement is helpful such as walking, dancing, swimming, and yoga.

The trick is to find something you really enjoy doing. That way chances are you’ll want to keep doing it often and on a regular basis.

Another tip is to find a friend or “workout buddy” to help encourage you to get off that couch and get moving. They can also encourage you be holding you accountable for getting up and out.

Change Your Diet Up. When people are faced with emotional issues it can cause you to lose and/or gain weight. Divorce can increase these ups and down, making them go out of control. You can go from one extreme to another, from completely restricting meals to binging on unhealthy foods.

“I had a slender client who, over the course of a year, proceeded to lose probably 50 pounds,” remembers Greggs. “By the end of his case, she was skeletal.” While some may lose weight, others can gain. Mikki Meyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said she had a client who ended up gaining almost 100 pounds.

Hunt suggests trying to be proactive and preemptive about both diet as well as divorce. Diet has a big part in affecting your mood, which is important during a divorce. Hunt reveals, “Eating the right foods may ease depression and calm anxiety.” He recommends eating three meals a day consisting of fat, carbohydrates, and protein. Having a variety like this helps keep blood sugar levels stable as well as helping to prevent dips leading to cravings. Studies also show that diets high in antioxidants help with depression. So fill that plate high with fruit and veggies.

When changing your diet it’s best to try avoiding sugar, salty foods, artificial ingredients, excessive caffeine consumption, and especially alcohol. According to studies, dehydration tends to increase stress hormone levels. Because of this, Hunt recommends drinking lots of water.

More Healthy Foods for Your Brain

Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fatty wild fish such as salmon, and nuts, can help brain function and improves your mood. Steel-cut oatmeal also adds serotonin-boosting complex carbohydrates. It is also a comfort food.

If you seem to have trouble eating, you might think about drinking your nutrition. You can make bone broth into a soup that’s filled with minerals like magnesium. Your body can easily absorb and helps promotes healthy digestion for upset stomachs.

Another way to get nutrition if you have trouble eating is protein shakes. Green vegetable juices are also a good source of nutrition. You can also try taking smaller bites of protein and healthy fats such as eggs, nuts, and avocados. This will help you so you don’t lose too much weight.

According to Hunt, “It is important to feed your body even if you are not hungry, as our immune systems become extremely vulnerable and weak during times of sadness and stress. Finding foods that are comforting and easy to get down is important for your health.”

Try to Keep to a Normal Schedule. Even if it’s hard to return to a normal schedule, it’s important to try. Greggs says, “Consistency is important for your emotional health. Show up to work on time. Have your routine. Make [yourself] and your children go to bed when you usually go to bed. Don’t act like the divorce is ending your life.”

Get Sunshine. Sunlight boosts vitamin D which your body needs for natural processes and for increasing serotonin levels. Hunt advises, “Aim for sunlight every day.” Studies indicate at least 15 minutes every day is helpful.

Be Preventative where Your Health is Concerned. Sociology Professor and director of the Population Research Center Mark Hayward, from the University of Texas—Austin, has researched the long-term health effects and discovered stress from divorce accelerates biological processes that can lead to cardiovascular disease. He has found that divorced, middle-aged women tend to be more likely to develop heart disease compared with non-divorced, middle-aged married women.

University of Chicago sociologists did a recent study that indicated divorced or widowed individuals tend to be 20% more likely to develop chronic health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, or cancer, than married people.

Hayward suggests doing preventative work to ensure your long-term health. This requires getting educated about preventive health education and medical care, and proactively getting involved in habits that are heart-healthy.

Network of Support. Friendships you had when you were married can be can be difficult to keep after your divorce. According to Meyer, “When people split up, they often lose their friendship bases. Their friends usually pick one or the other; it’s too difficult to have [both couple members] in their lives.” This “division of friends” when you have a division caused by divorce can increase depression, anxiety, and can result in social isolation.

If your previous social networks and friends aren’t part of your life anymore, Meyer suggests finding some new ones. There are lots of available options such as support groups, outings by Meetup.com, charity groups you’ve wanted to be involved in, and religious groups. Additional good advice is to avoid social networks and groups your ex-spouse might also be involved with.

As Meyer says, “I don’t care if it’s a knitting class, as long as it’s yours.”

Try to Relax. Stress is never good for anybody. Stress caused by divorce can lead to a number of physical ailments. Gregg says his clients have had hair loss, crashing immune systems, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal issues, and many others.

Some ways to eliminate stress or keep it under control is joining a yoga group or get regular massages. He says, “It helps them get grounded. They can breathe, calm themselves down and feel their body again.”

There are also a number of free and low-cost option if you can’t afford these activities. Joining a community center offers things like low-cost yoga classes and other programs. You can also ask friends and relatives to give you gift certificates to massage therapists or other types of classes for Christmas and birthday presents.

Mindfulness. Mindfulness has positive effects and is currently the number one area of psychological research at the moment. This Eastern philosophy is based on teaching people how to continuously be “in the moment” and to be “aware of the present” instead of worrying about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. Greggs tries to incorporate mindfulness lessons in the sessions she has with his clients by simple suggestions, such as “Enjoy your children when you’re with them. Or go outside in the morning, and just look at the sun rising. It’s simple things like this that keep you grounded in reality – not catastrophic thinking.”

Consider Getting Help Using a Therapist or Mental Health Professional. If you happen to be predisposed genetically to clinical depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, it might be wise to consider seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. If you don’t want to do that, you should consider seeking the help of a general medical practitioner who can give you an overall wellness checkup which will include a screening for depression.

Hold Off on Having Another Relationship. You’ve done the marriage thing, so think about doing the single life awhile. Meyer says she sees clients getting involved with impulsive behavior while they’re getting a divorce. According to his, “They get involved in bad relationships and repeat old patterns. They’re trying to repair something from their past with this new person. And it’s not something they’re conscious of [at the time].”

Gregg and Meyer both advise that divorcees stay single awhile and concentrate on themselves.

Gregg says, “My clients sometimes start crying, and they say, ‘I’m never going to find anyone again. And sometimes I’ll just say, ‘You don’t need anybody. You just need you to be happy.'”

Divorce is an emotional and difficult process. You should have a divorce attorney to help with various aspects, such as decisions about children, dividing marital property, and determining spousal support. For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of (619) DIVORCE. Schedule a consultation today.

(619) DIVORCE – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Alicia Silverstone After Divorce appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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(619) Divorce by 619 Divorce - 4d ago

When it comes to divorce, property, child visitation, and even taxes can be easy in comparison to one thing – the family dog.

So What About the Dog?

Divorce is hard. Decisions must be made about children, property, and finances. While that can seem overwhelming, it’s doable. One thing that’s hardest: decisions on the family dog. In every state except for Alaska and Illinois, pets are seen as property and can be sold just like the house or couch. But if you talk to any dog-owner, you know that rarely is the family pet ever seen as replaceable. Because of this, it’s often suggested that divorcing couples agree on a custodial schedule for the dog ― along with division of assets ― before a divorce goes to court.

In the absence of any divorce agreement, it’s up to the judge to decide who, if anyone, gets custody of the dog, so your best bet is to plan what you want to do with Rover.

Divorce Preparation

It’s not something people ever think they’ll have to do – prepare for their divorce. But for couples that are headed in that direction, the best thing you can do is be prepared for what is to come. If you’re convinced that your marriage will be ending in divorce, and that your relationship with your spouse is irretrievably broken, then you should take some steps in preparation.

Consult a Family Law Attorney

It’s important that you are completely aware of your legal rights and responsibilities when you start the divorce process. A family law attorney can help advise you on everything related to divorce: the paperwork, child custody arrangements, spousal support, and how property will be divided. You’ll want to consult an attorney at every step of the process to make sure that you are protected.

Copy Legal Documents

One of the hardest parts of divorce is the paperwork. You’ll want to make sure you have everything, including the following:

  •  tax returns,
  • bank statements,
  • investment statements,
  • retirement account statements,
  • employee benefits handbooks,
  • life insurance policies,
  • mortgage documents,
  • financial statements,
  • credit card statements,
  • wills,
  • Social Security statements,
  • automobile titles,
  • joint accounts like phones and utilities,
  • any joint business venture information

You’ll want to ensure that you have copies of any financial data, whether it be electronic or physical copies. Making sure you have all this information will make the process much quicker.

Inventory Household and Possessions

Property division is a big aspect of the agreement process of divorce. Major assets include homes, furniture, artwork, jewelry, and appliances.

Property is decided according to your state’s specific laws. This has the potential to be very litigious during a divorce.

Separate and Community Property

Separate Property: property that each spouse brings into the marriage. That spouse retains that after the marriage. This also includes property inherited by a spouse during the time of the marriage.

Community Property: property acquired and income earned during the marriage. In the comment property states of Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin, community property is usually divided 50-50.

Remaining states use a property division principle called equitable distribution. With equitable distribution, property is divided fairly (50-50). Occasionally the highest wage earner is given 60 percent to 75 percent of the property.

Regardless of how your marital property is divided, you need to protect yourself. Your ex might not make the payments for various reasons – lack of money, spite, illness. In that case, you might need to return to court or various other means of collecting the lost payment. Because of that, it’s often advised that you protect yourself by getting cash in hand once the divorce agreement is reached. If it’s decided that your ex will pay you out following the sale of an asset, wait until the sale is final, and then ensure you get the money to finalize your divorce.

Know Your Current Household Budget and Expenses

Preparing for divorce is knowing how your household money is currently being handled. Often times this means that only one spouse is fully aware of the couple’s financial picture.

If you are planning for a divorce, it is pertinent that you understand your household’s financial picture, including the amount that goes towards utilities, mortgages, and typical household expenses.

Getting a better idea of how much is spent every month currently will also help you prepare for when you are budgeting and managing your household after the divorce.

Determine Debts

If you and your spouse have racked up a considerable amount of debt during your marriage, you will have to determine what happens to that debt during divorce.

If you are able to, it’s advised that you pay down as much debt as possible prior to divorcing. Allocation of marital debt among divorcing spouses can be one of the most difficult items to negotiate. You’ll also want to have an idea of what your debts were like prior to the marriage – so any debt that would be considered “non-marital debt.” This can include student loans and any other lines of credit that were not transferred over during the marriage. This debt belongs to the spouse who incurred it.

Know What Your Spouse Earns

For most couples, this information is available simply by looking at a pay-stub. For couples where one spouse is self-employed or owns a business, or receives any portion of income in cash, it can be hard to determine. If this information is not available to you, try to keep track of money that is flowing in. If you are suspicious of your spouse’s spending habits, you’ll want to try to get as much information as possible. You can also work with a family law attorney to figure out how to obtain this information in a legal way.

Get a Job

There is a chance that you or your spouse are not employed. Sometimes one spouse will remain at home to take care of the family, while the other spouse supports the family. If you have been out of the workforce for a while, you will need to assess your employability. Will you be able to obtain a job easily or will you need further education or training?

Know Your Credit History

Do you know what your current credit score is? If not, then you need to find out. Divorce can impact this, and you’ll want to know what your score is so you can plan accordingly.

Start Saving

Once your divorce is finalized, your financial picture will be completely up to you. That means it will all be on your shoulders. It’s important that you be able to support your family. This might mean saving some money now.

Put your Kids First

Divorce can be very hard on children. If you and your spouse cannot agree to child custody arrangements, you will need to find a way to make it work. A family law attorney can help with this.

Steps for the Divorce Process

Know that every couple’s relationship and marriage is different and that because of that every divorce will be different. For example, you might need to work out child custody agreements, while your friend’s divorce did not include child custody issues. Working with an attorney is the best way to determine the specific needs of your divorce. Still, there are some basic procedures that might apply. We discuss those steps below.

1. File Petition

The first step in the divorce process is filing a petition. This must be done even if both spouses are okay with divorcing. One spouse must file a petition with the court to ask for a divorce. This petition states the grounds for divorce. In California, this is typically “irreconcilable differences.”

2. Temporary Orders

If a spouse is dependent on the other for financial support or will have custody of the children, that spouse will need to ask the court for temporary orders for support and custody. A temporary order for these things is usually granted within a few days and remains in effect until a full court hearing. If the spouse seeking the temporary order is the same spouse that is filing the petition, they should file the temporary order at the same time. If the spouse seeking the temporary order did not file the petition, they need to file their request for the temporary order as soon as possible.

3. Service of Process

The spouse that files the divorce petition will also need to proof of service of process. This is a document that proves a copy of the divorce petition was given and received by the other spouse. You can either work with a process server, or in most cases when you work with a divorce attorney, they handle this part of the process.

4. Response

The spouse receiving the service of process needs to file a response to the petition. The responding spouse may want to dispute the alleged grounds for divorce. If there is disagreement regarding property division, support, custody, or any other issue, this should be set out in the response.

5. Negotiation

Spouses will need to negotiate their differences if there are any. This is when mediation or collaborative divorce processes work. If spouses still do not agree, they may need to go to trial.

6. Trial

If spouses cannot come to an agreement on any aspect of a divorce, they will need to go to trial where a divorce court judge will rule on the divorce agreement.

7. Creation of the Order of Dissolution

The order of dissolution is a decree that officially ends the marriage and spells out how all aspects of a marriage, including: the property and debts, custody, support and any other issues are to be divided. Two spouses that are able to negotiate on their own are able to draft an order of dissolution and submit it to the court. If this complies with the set legal requirements and both parties entered into it knowingly and willingly, then a judge approves it.

Working with a Divorce Attorney

If you are facing a divorce, you should work with a divorce attorney that can take a look at your specific situation and give you advice based on it, rather than approach it with a one size fits all mindset. Your specific situation will be particular to you and your marriage and the way your life was set up during the marriage. This might mean major financial decisions regarding retirement funds, property, child support and custody, and alimony. A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle these elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support. They will be able to lead you through the process while keeping you from procrastination and caving into pressure. They’ll also be able to help ensure you meet all the required timelines while ensuring that you get a fair case and trial should you need to go to court. Lastly, they’ll be able to help you find the freedom and new life you are seeking – one that is entirely on your terms.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of Sevens Legal, APC. Schedule a consultation today.

Sevens Legal – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post So What About the Dog? appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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After nearly nine years of marriage, Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum announced they were separating. While proceedings took place in April, it sounds like the couple has already found “a new normal where there is a lot of love,” according to Dewan.

Jenna Dewan Has Found a “New Normal” After Divorce

“We’re just getting used to it. We’re in a very positive energy together, trying to be the best parents to Everly,” the World of Dance star said in a recent interview. “We support each other.”

“The moves I’m making are completely not related to my marriage or separation, interestingly enough. I was always very happy being a wife. Those feelings [Who are you? What do you want to give to the world? What excites you?] started bubbling up for me, naturally…so I really wanted to expand my life, and myself. And that was my journey, no one else’s,” she said.

The two share a 4-year-old daughter, Everly, and are successfully co-parenting.

“I feel a sense of joy and freedom and excitement, truly, about a new chapter in my life. And I have no attachments to how that’s going to look, or what that’s going to be. I feel really open, and I feel hopeful.”

Self Care During Divorce: How-To

Divorce is not only a difficult time in a person’s life, but it can also be emotionally traumatic. The relationship with your spouse and the structure of your lives that you helped establish in what you thought would be a happily-ever-after marriage has ended. What are the next steps and the things that will help you get back that feeling you call “normal”? Although you may not realize it, there are some things you can do to get back there.

According to Natalie Greggs, a family law attorney from Allen, Texas, “Self-care is the number one thing that gets you through the day.” Though she is a family law attorney and not a therapist, she advises clients that self-care is the best method to get them through this rough time.

Self-Care is Future Well-Being

Self-care is more than just a way to get through each day while you go through your divorce. Self-care is also crucial for the well-being of your future as well. Numerous studies indicate that stress is a cause of long-term health problems. Research also indicates that individuals going through a divorce have a heightened risk for some long-term chronic health problems. This research is even scarier when faced with the fact that experts mention that 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce.

Keeping Sane During Your Divorce

Here are some self-care tips to practice while you go through a divorce:

Exercise.

Even if you’re not going through a divorce, exercise is good for you. For people going through traumatic times, it is especially helpful. Exercise encourages your body to produce endorphins, a feel-good chemical for the brain. Certified integrative nutrition coach and personal trainer Lindsay Hunt, says exercise also helps increase self-confidence, improves sleep, reduces anxiety symptoms, and reduces stress and depression. Any form involving physical movement is helpful such as walking, dancing, swimming, and yoga.

The trick is to find something you really enjoy doing. That way chances are you’ll want to keep doing it often and on a regular basis.

Another tip is to find a friend or “workout buddy” to help encourage you to get off that couch and get moving. They can also encourage you be holding you accountable for getting up and out.

Change Your Diet Up. When people are faced with emotional issues it can cause you to lose and/or gain weight. Divorce can increase these ups and down, making them go out of control. You can go from one extreme to another, from completely restricting meals to binging on unhealthy foods.

“I had a slender client who, over the course of a year, proceeded to lose probably 50 pounds,” remembers Greggs. “By the end of his case, she was skeletal.” While some may lose weight, others can gain. Mikki Meyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said she had a client who ended up gaining almost 100 pounds.

Hunt suggests trying to be proactive and preemptive about both diet as well as divorce. Diet has a big part in affecting your mood, which is important during a divorce. Hunt reveals, “Eating the right foods may ease depression and calm anxiety.” He recommends eating three meals a day consisting of fat, carbohydrates, and protein. Having a variety like this helps keep blood sugar levels stable as well as helping to prevent dips leading to cravings. Studies also show that diets high in antioxidants help with depression. So fill that plate high with fruit and veggies.

When changing your diet it’s best to try avoiding sugar, salty foods, artificial ingredients, excessive caffeine consumption, and especially alcohol. According to studies, dehydration tends to increase stress hormone levels. Because of this, Hunt recommends drinking lots of water.

More Healthy Foods for Your Brain

Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fatty wild fish such as salmon, and nuts, can help brain function and improves your mood. Steel-cut oatmeal also adds serotonin-boosting complex carbohydrates. It is also a comfort food.

If you seem to have trouble eating, you might think about drinking your nutrition. You can make bone broth into a soup that’s filled with minerals like magnesium. Your body can easily absorb and helps promotes healthy digestion for upset stomachs.

Another way to get nutrition if you have trouble eating is protein shakes. Green vegetable juices are also a good source of nutrition. You can also try taking smaller bites of protein and healthy fats such as eggs, nuts, and avocados. This will help you so you don’t lose too much weight.

According to Hunt, “It is important to feed your body even if you are not hungry, as our immune systems become extremely vulnerable and weak during times of sadness and stress. Finding foods that are comforting and easy to get down is important for your health.”

Try to Keep to a Normal Schedule. Even if it’s hard to return to a normal schedule, it’s important to try. Greggs says, “Consistency is important for your emotional health. Show up to work on time. Have your routine. Make [yourself] and your children go to bed when you usually go to bed. Don’t act like the divorce is ending your life.”

Get Sunshine. Sunlight boosts vitamin D which your body needs for natural processes and for increasing serotonin levels. Hunt advises, “Aim for sunlight every day.” Studies indicate at least 15 minutes every day is helpful.

Be Preventative where Your Health is Concerned. Sociology Professor and director of the Population Research Center Mark Hayward, from the University of Texas—Austin, has researched the long-term health effects and discovered stress from divorce accelerates biological processes that can lead to cardiovascular disease. He has found that divorced, middle-aged women tend to be more likely to develop heart disease compared with non-divorced, middle-aged married women.

University of Chicago sociologists did a recent study that indicated divorced or widowed individuals tend to be 20% more likely to develop chronic health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, or cancer, than married people.

Hayward suggests doing preventative work to ensure your long-term health. This requires getting educated about preventive health education and medical care, and proactively getting involved in habits that are heart-healthy.

Network of Support. Friendships you had when you were married can be can be difficult to keep after your divorce. According to Meyer, “When people split up, they often lose their friendship bases. Their friends usually pick one or the other; it’s too difficult to have [both couple members] in their lives.” This “division of friends” when you have a division caused by divorce can increase depression, anxiety, and can result in social isolation.

If your previous social networks and friends aren’t part of your life anymore, Meyer suggests finding some new ones. There are lots of available options such as support groups, outings by Meetup.com, charity groups you’ve wanted to be involved in, and religious groups. Additional good advice is to avoid social networks and groups your ex-spouse might also be involved with.

As Meyer says, “I don’t care if it’s a knitting class, as long as it’s yours.”

Try to Relax. Stress is never good for anybody. Stress caused by divorce can lead to a number of physical ailments. Gregg says his clients have had hair loss, crashing immune systems, high blood pressure, gastrointestinal issues, and many others.

Some ways to eliminate stress or keep it under control is joining a yoga group or get regular massages. He says, “It helps them get grounded. They can breathe, calm themselves down and feel their body again.”

There are also a number of free and low-cost option if you can’t afford these activities. Joining a community center offers things like low-cost yoga classes and other programs. You can also ask friends and relatives to give you gift certificates to massage therapists or other types of classes for Christmas and birthday presents.

Mindfulness. Mindfulness has positive effects and is currently the number one area of psychological research at the moment. This Eastern philosophy is based on teaching people how to continuously be “in the moment” and to be “aware of the present” instead of worrying about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. Greggs tries to incorporate mindfulness lessons in the sessions she has with his clients by simple suggestions, such as “Enjoy your children when you’re with them. Or go outside in the morning, and just look at the sun rising. It’s simple things like this that keep you grounded in reality – not catastrophic thinking.”

Consider Getting Help Using a Therapist or Mental Health Professional. If you happen to be predisposed genetically to clinical depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, it might be wise to consider seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. If you don’t want to do that, you should consider seeking the help of a general medical practitioner who can give you an overall wellness checkup which will include a screening for depression.

Hold Off on Having Another Relationship. You’ve done the marriage thing, so think about doing the single life awhile. Meyer says she sees clients getting involved with impulsive behavior while they’re getting a divorce. According to his, “They get involved in bad relationships and repeat old patterns. They’re trying to repair something from their past with this new person. And it’s not something they’re conscious of [at the time].”

Gregg and Meyer both advise that divorcees stay single awhile and concentrate on themselves.

Gregg says, “My clients sometimes start crying, and they say, ‘I’m never going to find anyone again. And sometimes I’ll just say, ‘You don’t need anybody. You just need you to be happy.'”

Divorce is an emotional and difficult process. You should have a divorce attorney to help with various aspects, such as decisions about children, dividing marital property, and determining spousal support. For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of (619) DIVORCE. Schedule a consultation today.

(619) DIVORCE – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Jenna Dewan Has Found a “New Normal” After Divorce appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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If you’re planning to get divorced this year, you might want to act quickly – the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act will be taking effect soon – and it might just impact your divorce.

How the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act Will Impact Your Divorce

The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act will effect divorces that happen after December 31, 2018. Under this new set of laws, a taxpayer that pays alimony payments will no longer be able to deduct the payments from his or her spouse. And the alimony recipient will no longer pay taxes on that income.

If you are planning on divorcing this year, you might want to act with some urgency. Why? Some states, such as California, require a six-month waiting period for a divorce to be finalized. So if your divorce process has not been started, you might miss the December 18th, 2018 deadline for the alimony deduction.

In California, alimony payments generally last for half the life of the marriage unless the couple has been married for at least 10 years, in which cases, those payments can last for life.

When you decide to end your marriage, it can feel like the end of your financial freedom. How will you handle child support payments or even manage to get food on the table now that you are down to one source of income? It can feel impossible. But just as divorce does not mean the end of your life, it also does not mean the end of your financial freedom.

The End of a Marriage

There is nothing easy about ending a marriage. You’re going to feel out of place for a while. Everything is new. Chances are you’ve had to rearrange your schedule to now pick up the kids from their dad’s house every other weekend. It might mean you’re not spending Christmas with your parents so that the children can spend Hanukkah with their mom’s family. You might need to set up an automatic child support and spousal support payment to your ex-husband for every third week of the month. Or maybe you need to call your now ex-wife to make sure that she drops off the soccer cleats at the school that your son left at his house over the weekend. Regardless of what the situation is, things have changed. And that means your financial situation has.

But just because everything is different, that doesn’t mean you should steer your course for financial ruin. Yes, losing a second income is hard. It can be especially hard if you were living off of one income and now have to go back to the land of the full-time worker. These are some tips and tricks that can help ensure that your divorce doesn’t translate to financial ruin.

Gather Resources

“Don’t go it alone,” says Mike Lynch, vice president of strategic markets at Hartford Funds. “Build a team today – a qualified team of legal, tax and investment professionals. Maybe it’s your current investment professional, or you may seek a new one that understands your situation better.”

You’re going to want to put together a legal team to help you reach a settlement in regards to child custody and property division. But you might also want to consider bringing on a team of financial professionals to advise you on things such as how your taxes will need to be filed (Alimony and child support can have large financial impact), in addition to how to make money work for you now that there is only you to help pay the bills.

Specifics To Keep in Mind

Certified divorce financial analyst Eva Sachs, Emily McBurney, an attorney and qualified domestic relations orders (QDRO) expert, and certified divorce financial analyst Donna Cheswick also have this advice:

Budget

Sachs says the first step toward financial independence is balancing your income with your expenses. This can be hard to do if you’ve never had to in the past. He advises you sit down and look at how much money is coming in from various avenues like work, alimony and/or child support payments, and then assess how much of that is going toward living expenses.

“Think of it as a spending plan rather than a budget,” she says. “Knowing where your money goes is key, especially after divorce. These will be many new expenses you might not have thought about prior to your divorce; this is a critical time to refrain from spending money you don’t have.”

Change Your Benefactors

Most likely your spouse was your main benefactor during the marriage, but that is probably not going to be the case moving forward. To remedy this, one of the first things you need to do is update the beneficiary on your life insurance and retirement accounts.

“Review all of your accounts and insurance policies and change the beneficiaries. A divorce does not automatically terminate your former spouse’s rights to be the beneficiary on your retirement plans, bank accounts, and life insurance policies –- even though your divorce decree might say that your former spouse has waived all rights to the benefits,” says McBurney. “You will need to formally submit a change of beneficiary form to each financial institution. Otherwise, the benefit will be paid to whoever is listed on their forms at the time of your death — regardless of your divorce.”

Take this opportunity to reflect on the people in your life that are around to support you and encourage you. This can be a hard step, changing your beneficiary, because you’ve never imagined having to remove your spouse.

Additionally, you’ll want to revise your will, says Cheswick.

“Meet with an estate planning attorney to discuss your state’s laws regarding possible updates to your will, power of attorney and advanced directives,” she suggests. “You want to be sure that your former spouse is no longer entitled to any distribution in the event of your death. And if your settlement agreement requires one party to maintain life insurance on the other, then this needs to be a method in place to be sure this is actually occurring. Just because the former spouse says they will do something, doesn’t mean that they are following through.”

Property Division

Marital property division is governed by state laws, but can still get contentious. You will need to check with a family law attorney to see if you live in an equitable distribution state or a community property state.

There are four steps to dividing marital property:

  1. Identify assets owned by you and the assets owned by your spouse
  2. Categorize all assets as “marital” or “non-marital” property (an attorney can help you determine this)
  3. Assign a value to each asset (you might need an appraiser for this)
  4. Devise a plan for the division of assets that is in accordance with state laws
Consider Selling Shared Property

Instead of fighting over who will retain ownership of the family property, consider selling it and splitting the proceeds. This is a way for each spouse to “break even.”

When it comes to a secondary home, “It’s much more effective to sell the house and distribute the proceeds to the children,” says Ric Edelman, chairman and CEO of Edelman Financial Services. “You get into the issue of fights amongst the kids – issues of maintenance, repairs and upkeep.”

Emergency Funds
When you and your spouse were married, you knew you could rely on each other if one of you lost your job, had a medical emergency, or if something in the house needed immediate repair. But now if anything unexpected pops up, you’re going to alone. This can be scary. But if you’re smart about it, and plan for it, it doesn’t have to be. Sachs recommends, to help protect yourself, create an emergency fund that you continue adding to whenever you have the chance.

“An emergency fund should equal three to six months of your living expenses,” she says. “If you can swing it, I recommend six months because you’re now single and need an even bigger cushion if you are not able to work or an emergency occurs.”

Really Finalize
Even though the divorce papers are signed an finalized, according to Cheswick, your work isn’t really complete until you’ve ensured the assets awarded in the settlement have been distributed. This means doing your due diligence and following up with your spouse and all the shared accounts that you used to have. If the information and assets have not been transferred to you, you will need to ensure that they are.

“I can’t tell you the number of people who will contact me months (and unfortunately even years) after their divorce is finalized and there are still outstanding items which have not been resolved,” she said. “Remember that the agreement is a legally binding contract that you both signed and agreed to uphold. If one party is failing to comply with the terms of the contract then the other party has every right to take steps to ensure their compliance including going back to court to have the agreement enforced.”

Plan for Retirement
As the divorce gets closer to being finalized, Sachs advises looking to ways of maximizing your retirement savings.

“Don’t let divorce stop you from planning for your future,” she said, “Investing in your 401K plan will allow you to save for retirement. You can begin by saving a small amount each week and then let it build slowly or make payroll contributions that match your employer contributions. Don’t stop thinking of the future!”

Just because you are no longer going to be sharing your golden years with your ex-spouse, that doesn’t mean that you can’t have the time of your life. Getting your financial situation under control is the first step to taking back your life and claiming your bright future.

Working with a Divorce Attorney

If you are facing a divorce, you should work with a divorce attorney that can take a look at your specific situation and give you advice based on it, rather than approach it with a one size fits all mindset. Your specific situation will be particular to you and your marriage and the way your life was set up during the marriage. This might mean major financial decisions regarding retirement funds, property, child support and custody, and alimony. A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle these elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support. They will be able to lead you through the process while keeping you from procrastination and caving into pressure. They’ll also be able to help ensure you meet all the required timelines while ensuring that you get a fair case and trial should you need to go to court. Lastly, they’ll be able to help you find the freedom and new life you are seeking – one that is entirely on your terms.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of Sevens Legal, APC. Schedule a consultation today.

Sevens Legal – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post How the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act Will Impact Your Divorce appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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Throughout their 20-year-old marriage, Will Smith and wife Jada have dealt with divorce rumors. The 49-year-old actor recently confronted the rumors in a new song.

Will Smith is NOT Getting Divorced

In Will Smith’s new song, “To the Clique,” he raps about his personal life and directly addresses divorce rumors.

“Stop the divorce rumors and mind your damn business,”Fresh Prince of Bel-Air actor says in the song. He goes on to prasie his family, calling them “The real-life Incredibles.”

As Smith recently wrote on his Facebook page: “Under normal circumstances, I don’t usually respond to foolishness (Because it’s contagious),” the Bright actor wrote on Facebook at the time. “But, so many people have extended me their ‘deepest condolences’ that I figured — ‘What the hell… I can be foolish, too!’ So, in the interest of redundant, repetitious, over & over-again-ness… Jada and I are… NOT GETTING A DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He added: “I promise you all — if I ever decide to divorce my Queen — I SWEAR I’ll tell you myself!”

When Divorce Happens

Sometimes happily ever after doesn’t end so happily. Sometimes it ends in divorce. When that happens, unfortunately, you can’t call a fairy godmother, but you can call a divorce attorney to walk you through the process.

To Get a Lawyer or Not to Get a Lawyer

Hiring a divorce attorney, or an attorney that specializes in family law is always advised. You’re able to represent yourself if you choose to work without a lawyer, but you will need to educate yourself about the court requirements. For example, this means you will need to:

  • Prepare the applicable official disclosure forms.
  • Have the applicable official disclosure forms served by a process server and person that is not you that is over 18 years old.
  • Put all agreements in writing and properly file them with the court for official signatures.
  • Follow the rules of evidence and legal procedures that govern how and what you are legally allowed to present for the court’s review.
  • Ensure your court filings are in the correct format and that they are compliant with any specific requirements.
  • Present evidence that is admissible.
  • Argue issues that a judge would need to consider.

This can be overwhelming on top of an already overwhelming experience. In cases whise thise are numerous aspects of a marriage that will need to be decided, such as child custody issues, spousal support, and marital property division, you will need an experienced guide to help you reach a fair settlement. Aligning yourself with the right divorce attorney may be the best thing you can possibly do for yourself during this difficult time. It is essential that you fully understand your rights as an individual and as a parent.

Whethis or not you decide to work with an attorney, you should educate yourself about the divorce process. An attorney in your state will be able to provide you on your state’s specific rules. Hise is a little overview of what it means and what the process is for getting divorced in the state of California.

Grounds for Divorce

To start the divorce process, also known as the dissolution of marriage process, you will need to determine the grounds for divorce, or reasons you are filing for divorce. In California, thise are two grounds for divorce:

  • Irreconcilable differences. This means you and your spouse are unable to agree and will never be able to agree on basic, fundamental issues involving the marriage or your family.
  • Incurable insanity. This is almost never used as it requires medical proof that one spouse was insane when the marriage petition was filed and is still incurably insane.

Additionally, you will need to meet residency requirements to file for divorce: you or your spouse must have lived in California for six months and in the county in which you are seeking your divorce for at least three months before filing the dissolution of marriage petition.

Temporary Restraining Orders

It’s important to know that thise are temporary restraining orders that automatically go into effect once the divorce process begins. These restraining orders prohibit both spouses from doing certain things, including: taking your minor children out of state without the othis spouse’s written permission or a court order, canceling or changing the beneficiaries on insurance policies, and transferring property ownership. You will also be required to notify your spouse before any out-of-the-ordinary spending. Because of this it’s often advised to close or freeze your joint accounts so no major purchases can be made. In this case, each spouse is able to open their own personal account for daily expenditures.

Legal Separation and Annulment

You might not need to file for divorce. Thise are two othis options: legal separation or annulment (also called a nullity).

  • Legal separation. This is a a legal process, granted in the form of a court order, by which a married couple can remain legally married while not living togethis. Some couples use this as a formal break, during which they have some time to decide if they would like to continue the marriage. Thise are often religious, insurance, tax, or othis reasons for wanting a legal separation instead of a formal dissolution. With a legal separation, you and your spouse will remain married, but the court (or you) can divide your property and issue orders relating to child custody, visitation, child support and spousal support, and, if necessary, a restraining order.
  • Annulment. Being granted an annulment makes it as if your marriage never existed. Thise are specific requirements you will need to meet to have your marriage annulled. These include being a minor without the consent of your parents or guardian during the time of the marriage, or if certain types of fraud or deceit were involved. An annulment requires you appear in court.

The residency requirements for these are less harsh than standard divorces. Eithis of these can be obtained without having lived in California for six months or the county you are filing in for three months prior to filing, as is required for a standard divorce.

Summary Dissolution

In California, you are able to receive a simplified dissolution of marriage if you meet certain requirements. This is called a summary dissolution. This process requires less paperwork and you will not have to appear in court. You are eligible for a summary dissolution if you and your spouse have agreed in writing to a division of your assets and debts and if the following conditions are true:

  • You have been married for five years or less.
  • You have no children from the relationship.
  • Neithis of you own a home or othis real estate.
  • The value of all community property amounts to less than $25,000, excluding automobiles.
  • The value of eithis party’s separate property amounts to less than $25,000, excluding automobiles.
  • Your combined debt does not exceed $4,000, except for auto loans.
  • Both of you waive spousal support.

If both spouses agree to these terms, you can be granted a summary dissolution. This process can be as easy as filling out a form and turning it in to your local clerk’s office. Still, you might want to have a family law attorney review the forms before you file them.

Amount of Time

In California, the mandatory waiting period required is 6 months. No couple, regardless of how “easy” their divorce is can be divorced faster than 6 months. This is the time it takes for the state to change your status from “married” to “single”.  You will be able to get all your paperwork turned in to the court and your divorce judgment approved, but the divorce itself will not be final until at least 6 months after the initial petition. In some cases, those that require a lot of things to be required, a divorce can take years. This is based on how much you decided to disagree and agree on. 

Filing for Divorce

It’s always advised that you work with a lawyer to obtain your divorce. Because the process can have many steps, you will want to work with someone that is knowledgeable about the process and can provide guidance. Even if you choose not to work with a lawyer, you should have all forms reviewed by someone that has legal experience with the dissolution of marriage.

If you choose to work without a lawyer you will need to obtain the proper forms eithis online through the California Courts website or from the clerk of your county’s superior court. You or your lawyer or mediator will need to prepare a Petition and a Summons that will then be filed with the clerk of the superior court in the county whise you or your spouse live. You will be required to pay a fee to file these papers unless you qualify for low-income support or a fee waiver.

Copies of the Petition and the Summons, as well as a blank Response, must be officially served to your spouse by someone othis than yourself who is over the age of 18. This can be done by a process server. Your lawyer will be able to advise you on othis means of serving your spouse. Chances are, if you are working with an attorney, they have specific ways in which they handle this part of the process. This Summons notifies your spouse that you are filing for a divorce. He or she has 30 days to file the Response.

In the Response, your spouse will need to indicate what needs to be resolved by the court in terms of spousal support or child custody and visitation.

Working with a Divorce Attorney

If you are facing a divorce, you need to work with a divorce attorney that can take a look at your specific situation and advise you on all the aspects of divorce you will be facing. This might mean decisions regarding retirement funds, property, child support and custody, and alimony. A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle these elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of Sevens Legal, APC. Schedule a consultation today.

Sevens Legal – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Will Smith is NOT Getting Divorced appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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(619) Divorce by 619 Divorce - 1M ago

It’s not something people ever think they’ll have to do – prepare for their divorce. But for couples that are headed in that direction, the best thing you can do is be prepared for what is to come. If you’re convinced that your marriage will be ending in divorce, and that your relationship with your spouse is irretrievably broken, then you should take some steps in preparation.

Divorce Preparation Consult an Family Law Attorney

It’s important that you are completely aware of your legal rights and responsibilities when you start the divorce process. A family law attorney can help advise you on everything related to divorce: the paperwork, child custody arrangements, spousal support, and how property will be divided. You’ll want to consult an attorney at every step of the process to make sure that you are protected.

Copy Legal Documents

One of the hardest parts of divorce is the paperwork. You’ll want to make sure you have everything, including the following:

  •  tax returns,
  • bank statements,
  • investment statements,
  • retirement account statements,
  • employee benefits handbooks,
  • life insurance policies,
  • mortgage documents,
  • financial statements,
  • credit card statements,
  • wills,
  • Social Security statements,
  • automobile titles,
  • joint accounts like phones and utilities,
  • any joint business venture information

You’ll want to ensure that you have copies of any financial data, whether it be electronic or physical copies. Making sure you have all this information will make the process much quicker.

Inventory Household and Possessions

Property division is a big aspect of the agreement process of divorce. Major assets include: homes, furniture, artwork, jewelry, and appliances.

Property is decided according to your state’s specific laws. This has the potential to be very litigious during a divorce.

Separate and Community Property

Separate Property: property that each spouse brings into the marriage. That spouse retains that after the marriage. This also includes property inherited by a spouse during the time of the marriage.

Community Property: property acquired and income earned during the marriage. In the comment property states of Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin, community property is usually divided 50-50.

Remaining states use a property division principle called equitable distribution. With equitable distribution, property is divided fairly (50-50). Occasionally the highest wage earner is given 60 percent to 75 percent of the property.

Regardless of how your marital property is divided, you need to protect yourself. Your ex might not make the payments for various reasons – lack of money, spite, illness. In that case, you might need to return to court or various other means of collecting the lost payment. Because of that, it’s often advised that you protect yourself by getting cash in hand once the divorce agreement is reached. If it’s decided that your ex will pay you out following the sale of an asset, wait until the sale is final, and then ensure you get the money to finalize your divorce.

Know Your Current Household Budget and Expenses

Preparing for divorce is knowing how your household money is currently being handled. Often times this means that only one spouse is fully aware of the couple’s financial picture.

If you are planning for a divorce, it is pertinent that you understand your household’s financial picture, including the amount that goes towards utilities, mortgages, and typical household expenses.

Getting a better idea of how much is spent every month currently will also help you prepare for when you are budgeting and managing your household after the divorce.

Determine Debts

If you and your spouse have racked up a considerable amount of debt during your marriage, you will have to determine what happens to that debt during divorce.

If you are able to, it’s advised that you pay down as much debt as possible prior to divorcing. Allocation of marital debt among divorcing spouses can be one of the most difficult items to negotiate. You’ll also want to have an idea of what your debts were like prior to the marriage – so any debt that would be considered “non-marital debt.” This can include student loans and any other lines of credit that were not transferred over during the marriage. This debt belongs to the spouse who incurred it.

Know What Your Spouse Earns

For most couples, this information is available simply by looking at a pay-stub. For couples where one spouse is self-employed or owns a business, or receives any portion of income in cash, it can be hard to determine. If this information is not available to you, try to keep track of money that is flowing in. If you are suspicious of your spouse’s spending habits, you’ll want to try to get as much information as possible. You can also work with a family law attorney to figure out how to obtain this information in a legal way.

Get a Job

There is a chance that you or your spouse are not employed. Sometimes one spouse will remain at home to take care of the family, while the other spouse supports the family. If you have been out of the workforce for a while, you will need to assess your employability. Will you be able to obtain a job easily or will you need further education or training?

Know Your Credit History

Do you know what your current credit score is? If not, then you need to find out. Divorce can impact this, and you’ll want to know what your score is so you can plan accordingly.

Start Saving

Once your divorce is finalized, your financial picture will be completely up to you. That means it will all be on your shoulders. It’s important that you be able to support your family. This might mean saving some money now.

Put your Kids First

Divorce can be very hard on children. If you and your spouse cannot agree to child custody arrangements, you will need to find a way to make it work. A family law attorney can help with this.

Steps for the Divorce Process

Know that every couple’s relationship and marriage is different and that because of that every divorce will be different. For example, you might need to work out child custody agreements, while your friend’s divorce did not include child custody issues. Working with an attorney is the best way to determine the specific needs of your divorce. Still, there are some basic procedures that might apply. We discuss those steps below.

1. File Petition

The first step in the divorce process is filing a petition. This must be done even if both spouses are okay with divorcing. One spouse must file a petition with the court to ask for a divorce. This petition states the grounds for divorce. In California, this is typically “irreconcilable differences.”

2. Temporary Orders

If a spouse is dependent on the other for financial support or will have custody of the children, that spouse will need to ask the court for temporary orders for support and custody. A temporary order for these things is usually granted within a few days and remains in effect until a full court hearing. If the spouse seeking the temporary order is the same spouse that is filing the petition, they should file the temporary order at the same time. If the spouse seeking the temporary order did not file the petition, they need to file their request for the temporary order as soon as possible.

3. Service of Process

The spouse that files the divorce petition will also need to proof of service of process. This is a document that proves a copy of the divorce petition was given and received by the other spouse. You can either work with a process server, or in most cases when you work with a divorce attorney, they handle this part of the process.

4. Response

The spouse receiving the service of process needs to file a response to the petition. The responding spouse may want to dispute the alleged grounds for divorce. If there is disagreement regarding property division, support, custody, or any other issue, this should be set out in the response.

5. Negotiation

Spouses will need to negotiate their differences if there are any. This is when mediation or collaborative divorce processes work. If spouses still do not agree, they may need to go to trial.

6. Trial

If spouses cannot come to an agreement on any aspect of a divorce, they will need to go to trial where a divorce court judge will rule on the divorce agreement.

7. Creation of the Order of Dissolution

The order of dissolution is a decree that officially ends the marriage and spells out how all aspects of a marriage, including: the property and debts, custody, support and any other issues are to be divided. Two spouses that are able to negotiate on their own are able to draft an order of dissolution and submit it to the court. If this complies with the set legal requirements and both parties entered into it knowingly and willingly, then a judge approves it.

Working with a Divorce Attorney

If you are facing a divorce, you should work with a divorce attorney that can take a look at your specific situation and give you advice based on it, rather than approach it with a one size fits all mindset. Your specific situation will be particular to you and your marriage and the way your life was set up during the marriage. This might mean major financial decisions regarding retirement funds, property, child support and custody, and alimony. A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle these elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support. They will be able to lead you through the process while keeping you from procrastination and caving into pressure. They’ll also be able to help ensure you meet all the required timelines while ensuring that you get a fair case and trial should you need to go to court. Lastly, they’ll be able to help you find the freedom and new life you are seeking – one that is entirely on your terms.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of Sevens Legal, APC. Schedule a consultation today.

Sevens Legal – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Divorce Preparation appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan likely have a lot of things to iron out in light of their divorce announcement. Namely, co-parenting and spousal support

The Tatum Divorce. Will Channing Pay Spousal Support?

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan, both 37, announced their separation last month after almost nine years of marriage and welcoming 4-year-old daughter Everly in 2013.

“We have lovingly chosen to separate as a couple. We fell deeply in love so many years ago and have had a magical journey together,” they wrote in a joint statement. “Absolutely nothing has changed about how much we love one another, but love is a beautiful adventure that is taking us on different paths for now…We are still a family and will always be loving dedicated parents to Everly.”

Forbes estimated that the actor made $60 million in 2013 for movies like The Vow, 21 Jump Street, Magic Mike and G.I. Joe: Retaliation. He then made $29 million in 2015, according to the magazine. And in 2017, he also launched his own vodka line, Born and Bred. Various online estimates place the actor’s net worth in the range of $60 to $80 million.

Seeing as he is the higher paid actor, Tatum might stand to lose more in a divorce settlement, including any homes, retirement assets, and bank accounts. It’s unclear if the couple signed a prenuptial agreement. Another factor that might weigh in is if the couple signed a post-nuptial agreement. These are often created if a spouse becomes increasingly wealthy after the marriage – which is the case with Channing.

Tatum or Dewan were not as well known at the time of their marriage but Tatum has since gone on to make a blockbuster amount of money after the couple was married. Either way, it appears that Tatum will most likely be paying spousal support.

What is Spousal Support?

If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, looking for spousal support, or anticipate paying spousal support, you need to understand some important things. While a family law attorney can provide you with specifics about your situation, here are a few general things to know, including tax laws, awarding of spousal support, and what would happen if spousal support payments are not made.

Spousal support, commonly known as alimony, is for people who were legally married and provides financial assistance to them. It recognizes the contributions a partner made to the marriage and is intended to help the partner obtain financial independence. The rules regarding spousal support differs from one state to another.

How Much is Spousal Support?

When a court hears a case for spousal support, it considers a number of issues including how long the marriage lasted, what the needs are of each spouse, the standard of living the marriage created and maintained, assets, spousal age, and many other factors that are specific to different states. Based on these various circumstances and issues, your divorce attorney can help create a case for spousal support for you.

How Long is Spousal Support?

The court sets the length of time spousal support payments are made based on the review of arguments made. Payments typically last about the length of the marriage if it’s less than 10 years. In other words, if the marriage lasted six years, the length of spousal support payments to be paid is three years.

For longer marriages, the court may not set a specific time for spousal support payments. In a case such as this, your divorce attorney must prove your side for the duration. Your attorney can help you establish your case for the amount of time you’re seeking for spousal support, whether you are receiving or paying the payments. Using common law, the court will listen to all arguments and then decide on the spousal support duration.

Is Spousal Support Permanent or Lifetime?

If “Lifetime” or “Permanent” spousal support has been ordered by the court, it means the support must be paid to the receiving spouse until the paying spouse dies. Sometimes it is ordered to be paid until the receiving spouse remarries, however, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes the court will rule that even if the receiving spouse remarries they must still be paid spousal support.

Since women are becoming a stronger element in the workforce, “permanent” or “lifetime” spousal support is being awarded less often, if at all. An appellate court has stated:

As recognized by our Supreme Court, the public policy of this state has progressed from one which entitled some women to lifelong alimony as a condition of the marital contract of support, to one that entitles eithis spouse to post-dissolution support for only so long as is necessary to become self-supporting.

When determining spousal support, the court usually requires the highest earner, whether they are the husband or the wife, to assist the lower earner in an effort to help maintain their standard of living for a specified period of time.

How do Financial Situation Changes Affect Spousal Support?

The length of spousal support payments could also depend on whether the spouse who is getting the support has any changes in their financial situation, such as starting a new job or getting a raise. The purpose of spousal support is to make sure the spouse receiving it has financial safeguards. If the spouse receiving support doesn’t need it anymore in order to maintain their financial stability, the court may decide that they no longer need the spousal support they are receiving.

Spousal Support and Divorce Decision Tax Strategy

There are certain basic tax laws you have to keep in mind during and after your divorce if you’re going to be paying or receiving spousal support.

The bottom line if receiving spousal support is that you have to declare it as income on your taxes. On the other hand, if you’re paying it, you get to deduct it on your taxes. Spousal support is different from child support since child support is neither declared nor deducted on your taxes.

Taxes and Divorce Ruling

When calculating spousal support (i.e., alimony) agreements, you have to remember this rule since it impacts the bottom line of your finances. The decision and ruling reflect your intentions when it’s time to do your taxes. For example, you may decide that the spouse who is paying the spousal support should agree to pay the tax liability of the spouse who is receiving the spousal support. You should discuss this with your family law attorney during the hearing for your spousal support determination.

If you’re still on good terms with your spouse, it would be helpful to discuss and decide on the best tax deal that would work for you both. If you’re not on good times, this might be difficult to come to a mutual tax deal decision, but if you can manage come to a mutual agreement it will save both of you lots of time and headaches when it’s tax season.

If you get spousal support you should prepare for a potential impact when tax time comes. Your ex isn’t able to withhold income taxes from your support checks, which means you have to account for the taxes when you file your tax return. Because of this, you may want to consider paying taxes on a quarterly basis, which will save you from being hit with a big tax liability when April 15th comes around.

If you’re paying spousal support remember you can deduct the payments on your income taxes. However, you can’t deduct child support or any property distribution. The IRS frequently scrutinizes spousal support payments for the first three years you make the payments. This is to make sure that you’re not disguising the spousal support payments as property distribution or something else related to your divorce.

A divorce attorney understands all the ins and outs of tax issues relating to divorce and can help you understand the issues during the spousal support hearings and afterward after you begin to make the payments.

Not Keeping Up with Spousal Support Payments

It’s not unusual to fall behind when it comes to spousal support payments. This can be caused by various reasons including, job loss, being unable to get a job, or just negligence. If you’re receiving the payments, your whole life can be put in disarray and have a damaging effect on it. Here are some suggestions if your ex-spouse falls behind on spousal support payments or fails to make them.

Not Receiving Court-Ordered Alimony Payments?

If you’re court-ordered alimony payments aren’t being received, attempt to discover the reason. See if your ex lost their job recently. Perhaps they were injured and unable to work. If these are the reasons, try to see if the two of you can work out a plan that will make up the lost payments as well as future payments. An attorney can provide an unbiased opinion when it comes to situations like this, and will also provide any legal proof in case you need to take your unpaying ex to court.

How to Avoid Not Receiving Alimony Payments

If your ex can make spousal payments, has a job, has no injuries, and just doesn’t want to pay the court-ordered alimony payments, then you need the legal help of a divorce attorney. A motion will have to be filed in court requesting that a judge order your spouse to pay the past-due alimony payments. The motion also includes the agreement requiring them to keep current on future alimony payments. You should work with a family law attorney experienced in these matters who can draft a legal motion regarding this. The attorney will also be able to serve in court as your representative.

Consequences of Alimony Non-Payment

There are a number of punishments and fines the court can order for delinquent spouses. The laws governing deliquent spousal payments include various consequences that are different from one state to anothis, but they generally include:

  • Contempt charges for the spouse, including fines and jail time.
  • Withholding the spouse’s income. This requires the deliquent spouse’s employer to withhold the spousal support payment amount their paycheck. Then the money is then sent directly to the spouse who is supposed to receive it.
  • Writ of Execution, which is when the judge gives a portion of the bank accounts or othis assets of the delinquent spouse to the spouse who is supposed to be receiving alimony.
  • If the amount of delinquent alimony is substantial, you may be able to request that the court issue a money judgment against the spouse for the whole amount owed, including interest.

Contacting a family law attorney will help you to file legal actions to enforce the payment of alimony and to make sure you receive the spousal support owed to you.

Thise are various things to be taken into consideration during divorce and spousal support decision. A skilled and qualified family law attorney can assist you to make sure you receive a fair case. For advice on divorce and spousal support issues you need an expert law firm such as (619) DIVORCE. For advice on divorce and spousal support, you need the expert law firm of (619) DIVORCE. Schedule a consultation today.

(619) DIVORCE – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post The Tatum Divorce. Will Channing Pay Spousal Support? appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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After being accused of sexual misconduct and losing his job as host of The Today Show, Matt Lauer is now facing divorce from his wife Annete Roque

Matt Lauer Facing Divorce After Losing Job

According to a source close to dethroned news anchor, the 60-year-old former Today show anchor is having a tough time during his divorce proceedings. Lauer was fired from his host spot of the NBC morning show last November due to “inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace.” Since the allegations came out, Lauer has retreated to a house in the Hamptons and recently put up his 11-bedroom Manhattan apartment for sale.

“Matt cut himself off from the life he knew in Manhattan and has remained for the most part isolated,” the source said. “He looks exhausted. Matt is finally coming to terms with the reality that his marriage is over and he is in bad shape. He feels he lost everything important in his life overnight. He is embarrassed and ashamed.”

The two share three children together — Jack, 16, Romy, 14, and Thijs, 11.

“Annette plans to receive a very good settlement in this divorce,” the source claims. “She wants to make sure she and the children will always be well taken care of.”

The source went on to say, “Matt feels terrible and regrets his behavior but his regret isn’t enough right now. It feels like all doors have closed for him.”

Working with a Divorce Attorney

While it might seem like working with a divorce attorney will be overwhelming, it can actually simplify the process for you. Below we outline the following aspects you might encounter during your divorce that will require you to work with a divorce attorney: legal separation, spousal support, and child custody. A divorce attorney is the best way for you to resolve these issues.

Legal Separation

If you and your spouse have decided to try legal separation instead of, or prior to getting a divorce, it’s important that you work with a divorce attorney to create a legal and binding separation agreement. This agreement will offer you legal protection should your spouse violate the agreement you have come to.

There are numerous things that should be contained in your separation agreement, including the following (if they apply):

Spousal Support -Who will be paying whom? How does this impact taxes?

Benefits – Legal separation allows you to retain certain benefits gained during a marriage, such as health insurance.

Home –  Outline who will pay for the home mortgage, as well as the maintenance of the home, such as utilities and lawn care. You should clearly define who is able to live in the home.

Joint Accounts – This includes: joint checking, savings, and credit accounts. You might also choose to freeze these accounts or close them and open separate accounts. You should make it clear who pays what account.

Protection from Acquired Debt – A legal separation agreement should also outline any debt in order to shield you from being held responsible for debt acquired during the separation.

Because laws vary by state you’ll want to work with an attorney when drafting this agreement.

Deciding on Divorce

If you do decide to go through with divorce following your legal separation, or if you just want to skip the separation and start the divorce process, a divorce attorney will be able to walk you through the process. This process includes some of the following: spousal support, child custody, and property division. Below we discuss these three aspects, and why working with a divorce attorney can help you arrive at a smoother outcome.

Spousal Support

Spousal support, commonly known as alimony, is for people who were legally married and provides financial assistance to them. It recognizes the contributions a partner made to the marriage and is intended to help the partner obtain financial independence. The rules regarding spousal support differ from one state to another.

How Much is Spousal Support?

When a court hears a case for spousal support, it considers a number of issues including how long the marriage lasted, what the needs are of each spouse, the standard of living the marriage created and maintained, assets, spousal age, and many other factors that are specific to different states. Based on these various circumstances and issues, your divorce attorney can help create a case for spousal support for you.

How Long is Spousal Support?

The court sets the length of time spousal support payments are made based on the review of arguments made. Payments typically last about the length of the marriage if it’s less than 10 years. In other words, if the marriage lasted six years, the length of spousal supports payments to be paid is three years.

For longer marriages, the court may not set a specific time for spousal support payments. In a case such as this, your divorce attorney must prove your side for the duration. Your attorney can help you establish your case for the amount of time you’re seeking for spousal support, whether you are receiving or paying the payments. Using common law, the court will listen to all arguments and then decide on the spousal support duration.

Is Spousal Support Permanent or Lifetime?

If “Lifetime” or “Permanent” spousal support has been ordered by the court, it means the support must be paid to the receiving spouse until the paying spouse dies. Sometimes it is ordered to be paid until the receiving spouse remarries, however, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes the court will rule that even if the receiving spouse remarries they must still be paid spousal support.

Since women are becoming a stronger element in the workforce, “permanent” or “lifetime” spousal support is being awarded less often, if at all. An appellate court has stated:

As recognized by our Supreme Court, the public policy of this state has progressed from one which entitled some women to lifelong alimony as a condition of the marital contract of support, to one that entitles eithis spouse to post-dissolution support for only so long as is necessary to become self-supporting.

When determining spousal support, the court usually requires the higher earner whether they are the husband or the wife, to assist the lower earner in an effort to help maintain their standard of living for a specified period of time.

Child Custody

Family law courts favor awarding joint child custody to both parents, due to the fact that typically, it’s been shown that child’s respond best to both parents being in their lives.

Joint Child Custody

Joint custody is when two parents share decision-making responsibilities and/or physical control of the child or children they share. Joint custody is able to be awarded to parents that are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or even if they never lived together.

Forms of Joint Child Custody

There are different forms of joint custody that can be awarded, including:

  • joint legal custody. This means both parents are able to make decisions regarding the child, including religion, education, medical, and any legal matters.
  • joint physical custody. This means a child spends equal time with each parent.
  • joint legal and physical custody.

While it’s a common practice for parents to share physical custody and legal custody, it’s not always the case that parents that share legal custody also share physical custody.

Joint Child Custody – Advantages and Disadvantages

There are a number of advantages and disadvantages to joint child custody. Children are able to have contact with both parents. Additionally, parents are able to share some of the hardships that come with co-parenting. But children also often have to be shuttled between parents in joint physical custody situations. This can be difficult on a child, especially if parents are noncooperative.

Because of some of the disadvantages, it’s important that parents work to create a harmonious co-parenting situation. Maintaining detailed agreements surround holidays, expenses for clothing and medical care, as well as creating a child’s own space in each household is crucial to creating a successful joint custody arrangement.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of (619) DIVORCE. Schedule a consultation today.

(619) DIVORCE – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Matt Lauer Facing Divorce After Losing Job appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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One of the hardest things about divorce and child custody is determining where the kids should live. A trend in co-parenting that’s attempting to solve that is “bird-nesting.” Bird-nesting is when a couple keeps one home for their children and take turns living in it. Each parent also has a second home on the side where they live when not in the house.

Bird-Nesting: The New Trend in Co-Parenting

As with anything, there are pros and cons to bird-nesting. Below we discuss some of the considerations you’ll want to take before committing to a bird-nesting arrangement.

This type of arrangement can be helpful because it allows couples to disentangle themselves from the marriage but allows the kids to remain somewhere stable and familiar. Often times it can be difficult to arrange schedules of two parents, but the children are able to retain some sense of normalcy.

Financially, this situation can be both harmful and helpful. For families that are able to afford two or three dwellings, this works well. When the finances do not allow for that, this can be a big hit. It’s also quite often advised that families sell the home and split the proceeds – so that the division of assets is fair. With bird-nesting, this often allows families the time to wait for the market to be a selling market, thus maximizing the sale of the house.

As always, you’ll want to come up with a solution that keeps the kids at the forefront.

Joint Custody

Family law courts favor awarding joint child custody to both parents, due to the fact that typically, it’s been shown that kids respond best to both parents being in their lives. Joint custody is when two parents share decision-making responsibilities and/or physical control of the child or children they share. Joint custody is able to be awarded to parents that are divorced, separated, no longer living together, or even if they never lived together.

Forms of Joint Custody

There are different forms of joint custody that can be awarded, including:

  • joint legal custody. This means both parents are able to make decisions, including religion, education, medical, and any legal matters.
  • joint physical custody. This means a child spends equal time with each parent.
  • joint legal and physical custody.

While it’s a common practice for parents to share physical custody and legal custody, it’s not always the case that parents that share legal custody also share physical custody.

Joint Custody – Advantages and Disadvantages

There are a number of advantages and disadvantages to joint custody. Children are able to have contact with both parents. Additionally, parents are able to share some of the hardships that come with co-parenting. But children also often have to be shuttled between parents in joint physical custody situations. This can be difficult, especially if parents are noncooperative.

Because of some of the disadvantages, it’s important that parents work to create a harmonious co-parenting situation. Maintaining detailed agreements surround holidays, expenses for clothing and medical care, as well as creating a child’s own space in each household is crucial to creating a successful joint custody arrangement.

Creating a Co-Parenting Relationship

If you have gone to court for custody, and the court decided to award joint custody, chances are there will be a number of issues you and your ex-spouse will need to work through.

If you share children with your ex-spouse, then you’ll have to learn how to be a co-parent. And this isn’t something you’re going to have to learn how to do by yourself. You’re going to have to learn how to do it with your ex! This means you’ll have to learn how to put the best interests of your children above your own, as well as learning how to form an amicable relationship, perhaps for the first time, with your ex. While you don’t necessarily have to become best friends, you’ll have to forge a happy medium and find how you can make the co-parenting relationship work.

If you’re newly divorced, right now this may seem impossible, especially after what you just went through with your relationship, but you have to remember that the fault in your marriage wasn’t the fault of the child or children. They also must not be placed in the middle of your emotional crossfire left over from your marriage. The key is to learn to take the high road, which means you may have to make true sacrifices for the well-being of your children.

Step One is to Realize Only You Are Able to Control You

In order to create a co-parenting relationship, you must first realize the only person you can control is yourself. You don’t have any power over your ex, so don’t even both trying. If you can accept this fact and are able to control your own emotions and actions, you’ll have an easier time developing a co-parenting relationship. Hopefully, your example will carry over to your ex-spouse.

What Your Child Needs the Most

There are certain things that any child will need during this time: structure, acceptance, assurance of their safety, freedom from blame or guilt that they were responsible for their parent’s divorce, two stable parents, and the freedom and permission to just be a kid and have fun.

When Child Custody Becomes War

Child custody cases can get combative. Typically, both parents want equal time with their children. But all too often a parent will try to argue that the other parent isn’t fit to raise a child. Here are some things you can do to protect yourself when entering a litigious custody case. It’s important to remember that most courts will want to reward joint custody. If that happens in your case, it will be up to you to create a livable co-parenting relationship.

When resolving custody cases, if a parent is able to demonstrate how the other parent and the child or children interact, it can help prove their side of the case. Because of this, it’s advised to record everything, including:

  • If the other parent does not follow or stick to a pre-arranged visitation schedule
  • Any changes in the children’s behavior following the time they spend with the other parent
  • If the other parent threatens legal action against you
  • Any concern you have regarding the child or children’s physical well-being during the time they spend with the other parent

Documenting all these things is very important to building your case. But it should also be fairly documented, including any positive interactions. Being able to remove any emotions you have about the other parent will help you stay focused on creating an unbiased record. State the facts and try to keep the emotions out of it.

What to Record and How-to

Using a spiral notebook, Excel document, or any other form that will help you keep track of every interaction, note the following:

  • Dates
  • Times of calls or visits
  • Topics discussed (either between you or the other spouse or between the other spouse and your child or children). This does not have to mean an invasion of privacy, but if you’re able to get a gauge of what was discussed between your child or children and the other parent it only builds a stronger case
  • Duration of phone call or visit
  • Was the interaction spontaneous or part of a pre-arranged visitation schedule?
  • How the child or children felt prior to the visit or call, as well as after
 Additional Tips
  • Be consistent in your record keeping. If that means setting a daily time to record anything that has happened, then do so. Waiting days or weeks to record an interaction will make it difficult for you to remember specifics.
  • Be neutral! Try to not let emotion get ahold of you.
  • Research your state laws regarding auto recordings and telephone calls. In some jurisdictions, recording conversations is illegal.
  • Work with a lawyer.
Should Your Child Testify?

When custody battles get litigious you want to pull out all the stops to make your case. You might be tempted to have your child testify. This can be especially tempting if your child has expressed that they would want to be with you full time. But before you move forward with allowing your child to testify, there are some things you should consider.

Considerations Before Hearing

Here are some things you’ll want to consider:

Is it necessary for your child to testify? And what are your reasons behind why you want your child to provide testimony? Will your child be able to provide the judge with information regarding his or his home life and how the current custody arrangement is impacting them? Is your child mature enough to express his or his desires? If your reasoning behind having your child provide testimony is field by revenge or wanting to embarrass your spouse, then you should refrain. But if your reasoning is fueled by fear of the child’s life being endangered by living with the othis parent, then you should let them testify.

What are the effects this will have? Divorce and being shuffled between two homes is already a tough experience for a child to go through. Will testifying make your child feel as if they have to choose sides? How will this make them feel? How will this impact your relationship with them? How would you feel if they were testifying against you? Co-parenting is a large part of this “new world” your child is in, and you should encourage a healthy co-parenting environment. If your child has expressed in interest in testifying, try to get behind the real reasons. Are they just afraid they will lose time with you? Do they just need some reassurance?

What are the testimony laws in your state? A divorce and family law attorney will be able to help you understand the child testimony laws in your state. In California, a child 14 years or older is allowed to testify during divorce proceedings, unless the testimony is not in the “best interest” of that child. A court will also consider the testimony of a child under the age of 14 if that child is deemed mature enough to be able to provide a competent testimony.

Final Advice

The decision of allowing your son or daughter to provide testimony should not be taken lightly. You should with the pros and cons of the situation, and really listen to your child’s thoughts on the matter. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions of yourself and of your child to get to the bottom of what they impact this testimony will have. Keeping your child’s best interest in mind will help steer your decision to the one that is correct for you and your child.

Working with a Divorce Attorney

A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle all elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support. They will be able to lead you through the process while keeping you from procrastination and caving into pressure. They’ll also be able to help ensure you meet all the required timelines while ensuring that you get a fair case and trial should you need to go to court. Lastly, they’ll be able to help you find the freedom and new life you are seeking – one that is entirely on your terms.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of Sevens Legal, APC. Schedule a consultation today.

Sevens Legal – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Bird-Nesting: The New Trend in Co-Parenting appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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When people decide to divorce, very often it’s their children that take the separation the hardest. Co-parenting can help to mitigate long-lasting negative affects.

A Study on Types of Marriages and Divorces

A study by sociologist Dr. Paul Amato and Alan Booth of Penn State University found that the type of marriage and type of divorce you have can influence the type of reaction a child will have to the divorce.

Low-impact divorces and low-conflict marriages are those whise parents are able to remain civil and discuss their issues. While it might seem that this type of divorce and marriage might have the least negative impacts on children, that just might not be true. Dr. Amato and Booth studied 2,000 married persons and 700 children and concluded that children that had the highest levels of anxiety and depression eithis had low-conflict parents who divorced or high-conflict parents who remained togethis.

Why is this?

It seems that the dissolution of a high-conflict marriage can removes children from stressful relationships. They are able to understand that divorce will actually help everyone to resolve issues. Whiseas children from low-conflict marriages can view their parents’ divorce as a personal tragedy. This viewpoint can often impact a child’s ability to form quality intimate relationships. “From the child’s perspective, thise is no evidence that anything is drastically wrong,” says Dr. Booth. “It is an unexpected, uncontrollable and unwelcome event whise one parent leaves the home and the othis is overwhelmed with the demands of single parenthood and a lowered standard of living.”

But what can parents do to off-set the negative impact of divorce? Find ways to create a successful co-parenting relationship.

Learning to Co-Parent

When it comes to learning to be a co-parent, all othis aspects of divorce, such as division of assets and alimony, seem insignificant. Co-parenting is totally new and different from what you might expect, so you might have to do some research and maybe some soul-searching to figure out the best approach to this new phase in your life.

Step One is to Realize Only You Are Able to Control You

In order to create a co-parenting relationship, you must first realize the only person you can control is yourself. You don’t have any power over your ex, so don’t even both trying. If you can accept this fact and are able to control your own emotions and actions, you’ll have an easier time developing a co-parenting relationship. Hopefully your example will carry over to your ex-spouse.

Step Two is to Set Boundaries

The next step you must learn in order to create a successful co-parenting relationship is how to set boundaries. Hise are a few do’s and don’t’s to help you get started.

Don’t:

  • Sabotage the relationship your child has with their othis parent.
  • Use your child as a pawn to hurt or get back at your ex.
  • Permit your child to speak badly when talking about the othis parent.
  • Use your child to get information, manipulate, and/or influence your ex.
  • Transfer onto your child your hurt feelings and/or frustrations toward your ex.
  • Force your child to choose a side whise scheduling conflicts occur.
  • Put pressure on your child.
  • Depend on your child for companionship or support too much when dealing with your divorce. Your child isn’t your thisapist.
  • Become so emotionally needy your child begins to feel guilty about spending time with othiss. You would hate to discover they didn’t participate in social outings due to the fact they were afraid you weren’t able to deal with being alone.

Bottom line: Your child should not be burdened with situations they aren’t able to control. You shouldn’t saddle your children with your issues and emotional needs. Doing so will only create feelings of being helpless and insecure which could cause them to doubt their own abilities and strengths. It’s not their responsibility to hold you togethis and they shouldn’t feel it is. Children aren’t able to understand and deal with problems of adults and shouldn’t have to. Their focus should be on their own development, and your’s should be, too.

Do’s:

  • Sit down with your ex and create a plan whiseby differences are set aside so the focus can be put on meeting the needs of your children you will be co-parenting.
  • Negotiate how to handle holidays, visitations, and events.
  • Create guidelines for behavior of raising your children that each of you will adhise to. Children need consistency in their lives without regard as to which parent they’re with. This includes bed-times, phone privileges, etc. A child will frequently test situations and try to manipulate their boundaries. You and your ex must present a united front.
  • Negotiate the roles of extended family members.
  • Establish open communication with respect to the development of your child. This includes the ability to compare notes on situations and jointly deciding on any punishment.
  • While it may be painful emotionally, you and your ex must decide to inform each othis ob any changes in circumstances of their life. Your child shouldn’t be the source of “breaking news.”
  • Determine that you’ll conduct yourself with emotional integrity and maturity.
What Your Child Needs the Most

Putting your child’s needs first, thise are certain things they’ll need during this time: structure, acceptance, assurance of their safety, freedom from blame or guilt that they were responsible for their parent’s divorce, two stable parents, and the freedom and permission to just be a kid and have fun.

Additional Tips on How to Co-Parent

While setting ground rules are important, thise are additional tips you may be interested in considering.

When all of you are togethis try to be friendly. You and your co-parent ex share a child or multiple children, and they will each grow differently and have different experiences. During sporting events, birthdays, parent-teachis conferences, graduations, etc., you’ll all be sharing the experience and the same location. Being friendly will make it easier for you, your co-parent, and especially your child. Say hi to each othis and chat a little about what’s going on instead of waiting to send it in a text or email. Fake being friendly if you have to. The bottom line is to act like an adult, leave tantrums and acting like a brat to your children. This includes friends stepparents, and othis family members. Kids are observant and can easily pick up on things if you’re being rude or feeling awkward, so act like the adult you’re supposed to be.

Say please and thank you when you ask your co-parent for a favor and they follow through. This might be for schedule changes of requests for event dates. If you’re stuck in traffic or something comes up you’re not expecting and you need your co-parent to pick a child up because you can’t, a thank you can go a long way. If you can’t say it in person, send it in an email or text.

Return phone calls, emails, and texts, even if it’s just to send an “ok.” It’s important and helpful for your co-parent to know you received their message. It’s also respectful and a great way to keep you and your co-parent informed of any changes or othis important information.

It is you and your co-parent’s business to know who is watching your child besides you. Your co-parent has a right to know what person their child is with if they’re not with you. If a neighbor is watching them for awhile if you have to go to the store, it’s not as important to let your co-parent know, but if it’s for a longer period of time you need to tell them and give them all that person’s information. Just telling them it’s “none of their business” is completely ridiculous and irresponsible. As a co-parent they have a right to know what’s happening with their child, the same as you do.

Ask for your co-parent’s input to help develop a positive relationship as time goes forward. Even if you don’t take their opinion into consideration, since you’re not planning on following it, their opinion may surprise you and change your mind!

Co-Parent Schedule Arrangements

Guidelines are important for your emotional health, as well as to help define aspects of your co-parenting relationship. This is why schedules are important. Not necessarily a weekly one, but one that involves events and holidays. This schedule should be agreed on far in advance so that co-parents know what parent the child will be spending Christmas and othis holidays with in order to avoid fights during the holidays. These agreements don’t have to be formal, but if they’re in writing it makes it harder to argue about. Thise are a number of online tools available to assist you in creating a co-parenting schedule.

Always Be Flexible

While it’s important to set arrangements, you need to be sensitive to your child’s needs, which means being flexible. If your child really wants to have a night with dad instead of mom, then it might be best for your child to do it. This is a difficult time your kids are trying to adapt to. You should encourage them to be honest when it comes to their emotions. You also should be sensitive to your child emotions, which often means putting your own emotions aside.

Create a Co-Parent Relationship

Creating relationship with your co-parenting can be difficult. You may decide working with a mediator is the best option to making an agreement. Once you establish ground rules for yourself and how to maintain the relationship, over time it becomes easier. Creating a flexible schedule may help get to these “easier” moments. Even though thise may be easier moments, thise will be times when things feel impossible. Finding balance with your co-parent may help you both become better people and better parents to your children. By being cooperative with your co-parent, you establish a patter of life for your children which can carry into the future. The number one priority you and your co-parent need to do is to make sure you put the best interests of your child first.

For advice on divorce and co-parenting you need the expert law firm of (619) DIVORCE. Schedule a consultation today.

(619) DIVORCE – (619) DIVORCE
3555 4th Ave
San Diego, CA 92103
Phone: (619) 503-3050

The post Co-Parenting After a High-Conflict Divorce appeared first on Divorce Attorney San Diego | Family Law.

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